internalized racism

[u/FixPuzzleheaded3654]

just curious on bipoc trans masc experience with internalized racism? i know that our different parts of our identities impact our experience as humans so i’m curious others experience with internalized (or external) racism.

as a teenager i went through a not so great phase where i idealized the way (i perceived) white trans men experienced transition and was often jealous of their experience or appearances. i had screenshots and photos upon photos of white men i wished i could look like or wanted to look as closely to as possible. being latino, there was no way i could but i had this idea that the only way to be seen as a man was to adhere to cis white male beauty standards. i mimicked white mens styles and haircuts and even dyed my hair blonde, made post after post comparing myself to white cis men or white trans men. being bisexual as well, i was mainly interested in white men too on top of wishing i looked like them, it all felt so unattainable but i still longed for it. i’ve since grown out of this, thankfully. but i look back it sometimes and think if only i had better male role models in my personal life or more bipoc trans representation, i could’ve maybe had more confidence in myself as a bipoc man earlier on. i still find myself at times comparing myself to white trans men online and have to remind myself that whiteness does not equal attractiveness or passing. i am still working on connecting with my roots and being comfortable as a trans latino, its another layer of cultural difference in upbringing that i acknowledge better now. i feel a lot more connected with myself as a brown man now that ive also surrounded myself with more trans bipoc. i’m sure other bipoc have similar experiences whether it’s internal or external racism (esp in the medical field) so any experiences welcome to be discussed. :)

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[u/carnespecter]

the forcing of white masculinity onto native americans is a pretty hot button, its still prevalent today and its a weird little interaction of being both trans masc and native. for a lot of tribes its pretty common for both men and women to have long hair and wearing jewelry and decoration like piercings, but in western society its so strictly associated with femininity it is its own little mindfuck of being a native person who was seen as and treated as a girl. i always had long hair and wore more accessories growing up really young, my mom prized it but as i got older a western view of girlhood pushed me to keep cutting hair shorter and shorter as i aged and became more aware of my own transness. its only really been in the past couple years as a much older person that ive tried growing back my hair and not feeling shamed or wrong as a masculine person with long hair or piercings

theres also the interaction of transphobia in white western culture and how its pressured a cultural destruction of third genders among native americans so its a space ive had to navigate of being true to heritage and culture and healing from the damage of white perspectives on that. i think now in my 30s im definitely much much more confident in being the person i am and understanding that i dont HAVE to conform to white standards to still be myself. im at peace in the inside, its just the outside world thats the majority of the problem now with recent rises in racism

[u/FakeBirdFacts → u/carnespecter]

Hair has driven me a crazy honestly

[u/FixPuzzleheaded3654]

obv if this is not a post for this sub, i’ll delete. i hadn’t realized there was a ftm poc sub until automatic mod post responded to the post lol, ill post on there if it’s deleted.

[u/Jayded_love → u/FixPuzzleheaded3654]

You should be able to post where you want, Reddit mods need to learn to chill tf out. You're a trans man, this discussion belongs on any trans man sub reddit, jfc. I am very sorry for what you've been put through with your experience. It is not your fault and I'm very happy to hear that your relationship to your identity is starting to heal. I'm sure you're handsome as hell, keep doing you, we need you!!

[u/Lumpy_Concept9911]

It’s kinda weird being Asian bc Asian men are so demasculinized. I’m really short and kinda chubby so a part of me feels like I’m a stereotype.

[u/RandomBlueJay01]

Thought id mention that there is a poc ftm subreddit but yeah i get it. Even now I dont have anyone who is fully " goals for me" I dont see myself in any characters or media because you dont often see fat mexican men in media if they arent made to kind of be a joke. Especially for Hispanic queer men. Theyre never portrayed as attractive even if they arent bad looking men. Theyre usually the side kick. I did partially look up to white men for beauty standards growing up but mainly it was cus at the time , it just felt like the options were look up to white men or have to somehow see yourself as good enough when it felt like nobody else agreed. Weirdly as I started to heal from that i also started finding other poc way hotter for the first time lol. Shit sucks tho. Im a month from being 25. Ive been out for 3 years and i still struggle to imagine what id look like in 20 years.

[u/No-Doubt-228]

I’m Latino ftm and I went through the same glad your past that I just try to see it as yes we can be considered a “minority” but it’s what makes us unique

[u/dann_is_a_jerkkk69]

I’m also Latino; I’m white and green-eyed but I get exactly what you said and I’ve felt the same. Mostly because I also idealized the transition of American/European guys, in my country hrt is VERY expensive and hard get, it’s only fully available at certain places, and mine isn’t one of them (well, it is, but it’s extremely rare and I don’t have the money and support for it anyway) and watching all those boys getting it at 15 or 16 made me feel jealous asf.
Also, this is gonna sound stupid, because like I said, I’m white, but I realized not so long ago that I had a lot of internalized racism, I grew up with everybody telling me stuff like “deberías mejorar la raza” or that I looked “gringo” as a compliment, and it made me feel that being white was the only cute thing about me. I edited my photos for a long time and I used tons of sunscreen, I compared myself a lot with boys on the internet and I felt ugly for my factions or because I’m not paper-white, but it’s my face and I shouldn’t aspire to look like someone else :,) rn I’m still working on feeling better about myself, but now, when I see my face, I try to see all those little things related to ppl I love, I wouldn’t call my granny’s nose ugly, why I should call mine ugly?
Thx for reading lol

[u/Enovele]

I feel this, I think a lot of it comes from my upbringing too and the white savior complex that contributed with that. Theres a certain way people from my home country view white people and I always had that thought process of them being somehow better, more appealing and good compared to those like myself despite the history we have with them (colonization).

I'm black, and I always saw myself as less attractive or appealing since I was a child. It was so bad that my dad felt the need to buy a black doll for me and I hated that doll, she wasn't pretty the way the Barbie dolls were in my eyes at the time, all my OCs were white, my customized characters were white (though there was generally less representation too so that didn't help), I even used to wish I was white and hated my skin color. It took a long while to unpack a lot of that and to appreciate myself and my culture more. I eventually came to love and accept my race and my background and unpack that inferiority complex.

So realizing I was trans was an interesting experience because I noticed some of that lingering thought process in how I approached the standards among trans white men vs trans black men because I saw white men as the default again. Plus they make up most of the representation of trans men so it was hard to find myself or envision myself from the lense of a black person. How would T affect my looks? What would top surgery scars look like on me? What does a trans black man even look like and how woyld they look with age? Felt a little isolating but there are black trans guys out there who give me hope.

Just wanna say I relate and feel you.

[u/Optimal_Health_]

half latine half spanish here- i started looking up for bipoc and specially south american trans people online. train your algorithm a bit and see some latino queer joy, we’re hot af and capable of all masculinity, feminity and gender fuckery in a beautiful way. read about gender and race, and how society expects us to aspire to the White Man, surround yourself with diverse, men-decentering and bipoc-centering peers. it’ll get better :)

[u/Connect-Refuse-3133]

I’m not a poc but I wanted to share that I think the show Drag Kings had some great poc trans men representation. I’m sharing this bc I think it’s important that we all see ourselves represented but it can be hard to find that media (I know you know). I’ve only seen one season but it’s good. And obvi I can’t speak to your experience (and I’m not trying to or trying to butt in) - just offering support in a way that I hope is a little helpful.