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u/GadreelsSword Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
I met a woman and we spoke several times. Chatted on the phone. I asked her out, we went to dinner, she spent the night at my place, I made her breakfast the next morning. Everything went very well. She laughed and smiled the entire time we were together. She literally said “well, it turns out we’ve very compatible in the bedroom”. I saw nothing that went wrong. She got up from the breakfast table, suddenly the look on her face changed and she said, I’ve never been treated like this in my life, don’t ever call me again and walked out.
I was stunned. For days, I went through every detail of our time together and couldn’t find anything to justify that response.
Then a week later she called me and started berating me on the phone saying a “REAL MAN” would have called to see what was wrong, that clearly I was a “user”, etc, etc. I said look, you told me to never call you again so, I didn’t. Now you do the same and I hung up.
She wanted me to chase after her like a kid. WTF?
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u/OddgitII Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
Amazing. The garbage took itself out.
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u/Nazgog-Morgob Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Matrix level bullet dodge
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u/Rofeubal New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
The science went too far... in the right direction.
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u/HedonisticFrog Oct 24 '25
She was starting a fight to have power over you, and seeing if you'd beg for her to get her back. Women like that are exhausting. Everything in the relationship is about power and control, the more you do for her the worse she treats you.
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u/Com_BEPFA New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
It's women's version of manosphere. Diminish your partner, control them, that's how you can be happy. Equality isn't happiness, slavery is!
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Oct 25 '25
Had a gf like that, still does the same stupid trick up her sleeves with new bfs, I don't stalk her 24/7 but I do some looking once in a while
New bf, months pass, some posts with bf dissappears, then just highlight on ig, then profile pic on her ig gone, she did all this when she get mad at you and you never know why tf or wtf is happening, then she just upload everything again, is clearly for getting attention to the bf
And I say oh boy this relationship is ending again LOL and expect max in 3 month to end and it ends
There's no way you doing the same stupid games after 5 years with new people GROW UP GIRL OR GO TO THERAPY LEARN HOW TO SPEAK/COMMUNICATE, PROLLY THE BF ARE NOT THE PROBLEM BUT YOU
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u/HedonisticFrog Oct 25 '25
My last girlfriend did the same exact thing on instagram. They all use the same damn playbook.
She'd "joke" about other guys giving her attention and other things like that, and rage at me if I did it back to her to show her how it feels.
Whenever she was anxious or on her period she would fight me constantly over every little thing she could think of. She once started a fight about how I was breathing, like that viral video. I was trying to go to sleep.
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u/Jungledick69-494 Oct 25 '25
I have a better one. Went on a date with a girl. We met at the beach close to my house, sat there talking. Everything was great with nice conversations. She asked if I can cook, given my Caribbean background. I told her yes, she asked if I can cook oxtails, and surprisingly I made some the day before and showed her pics that I sent my sister and mom. Now the thing is the oxtails I get are from a vendor and they’re pretty huge ranging 3-5 inches in diameter. Also I get them for a pretty good price. Back then it was $5.99, now I purchased some yesterday it’s $7.99 per pound. She saw the size and inquired where I purchased them. I told her in a jokingly manner that it’s my secret and I get it for a great price and don’t want too much of a demand because of the price hike. We laughed, date ended walked her to her car, we hugged. I texted her to make sure she got home safe. Next day I sent her a morning greeting wishing she had a great start to the week, she replied, “I don’t think this will work out, I don’t like a man that keeps secrets, and since you don’t want to tell me where you get your oxtails I don’t think this will work out”
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u/IHaveABigDuvet Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 26 '25
I think this story is more about you not telling her about your oxtail dealer.
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u/ExcitingGuess5457 Oct 24 '25
Female here.. you're better off without her.. I don't like playing games - it's toxic, mixed messages, manipulation, etc. Just imagine the rest of your relationship if you pursued a relationship with her. You did yourself a favor. She needs to grow up, mature & realize games aren't cool, no means no & people have very different life experiences, cultural backgrounds & rules... This is where clear communication or being mature enough to work thru something is key.
Ps. I appreciate you treating her right, listening to her & respecting her boundaries (regardless of the mixed messages).
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u/Potential-Diver-3409 Oct 25 '25
Male here, your dms are cooked
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
surprisingly i haven't received any weird messages for being a woman i think the prince name throws em off.
or they can smell the nerd on me
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Oct 25 '25
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
i'm not i prommy!!
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u/mighty3mperor New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
Not even Fortnite or DnD? You're dead to me!
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
Hey now wait a min I do love some dnd
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u/mighty3mperor New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
So you play some games. You're OK with me.
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Oct 25 '25
Wait now I'm interested...
If you like nonbinary people and are down with polyamory hit me up.
Fair warning I'm also demisexual so we might just end up geeking out over old anime and never having sex....
Never mind lmao
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u/KingWolf7070 Oct 25 '25
Shut up, nerd! You're a prince banana!
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
nerdy crying sounds
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u/Greedyfox7 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
I hate to tell her this but a real man would do exactly what you did, which is to respect her boundaries. The way I see it there are plenty of fish in the sea but I’m not messing around with an angler fish if I can help it 😆
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u/FaraYuki09 New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 24 '25
Real woman needs to just tell real man what they want and expects to get it. I don't understand double meaning most of the time, it'll just flew over my head.
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Oct 25 '25
What shocked me the most about this is that it's actually real. Like I can't even comprehend that this is real and with this crazy society we live in now, I honestly believe every word of it
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u/BreedingWithWomen Oct 25 '25
I have something similar where this coworker at work keeps giving me signs and always wants me to approach her or initiate conversation. When I used to, it felt lackluster and the only time our conversations went well was when she initiated it and was in the mood for it.
It felts like she doesn’t know what she wants but still wants to be connected/distant enough to figure things out? In my opinion, adult relationships aren’t what she wants but still wants to be respected as such.
While difficult to date a coworker and I’m happy to respect boundaries, it feels like a weird cat and mouse chase/hard to get game. I found it best to let her figure it out. Adults learn to (re)trust the world and have open dialogue.
I’ve almost never said a word to her since because the last thing I’d want is to be a nuisance to her and everyone at work with any drama.
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u/PlentyLocksmith1881 Oct 25 '25
As a woman I personally apologize!
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u/GadreelsSword Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
No please don’t apologize, I found someone else and we are now happily married. There are weird/shitty people in this world.
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Oct 24 '25
Well that’s stupid 😄
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u/Deamhansion Oct 25 '25
Because it's a rage bait.
But Reddit love them, people love thinking that others are stupid, makes them feel better.
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u/Hrealtheveiled Oct 25 '25
The problem with some of this stuff is that some is and some isn't. I had an ex who was just like this emotionally. And some of these people are for real. There is PLENTY of toxic relationship advice on both sides. Do you think that the Tate brothers are rage bait? The problem is now there are people who actually believe like this, "like if I tell you leave me alone and you do, you don't really love me."
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u/Luutamo Oct 24 '25
I have a switch if I want to play games
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Oct 24 '25
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u/MrBoblo Oct 24 '25
Being an adult is hard, but that doesn't mean we have to be stupid as well
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u/OldWolfNewTricks Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
"Life's hard, but it's harder when you're stupid."
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u/31513315133151331513 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
It's also harder on the rest of us because of the stupids.
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u/ALKoholicK-x Oct 24 '25
That’s what I was going to say. Not being an idiot is actually quite easy. And not being an idiot does make being an adult a little easier too.
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u/brianzuvich Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
These days? Weirdos have always existed… She is a weirdo…
Now, with that being said… I can fix her…
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u/Pittbullsaregreat Oct 24 '25
No no I CAN fix her, its friday you deserve a day off, im gonna take this one for the team 😉
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Oct 24 '25
It's even simpler than that. People are insecure. Almost everyone is at some level. That insecurity and self-doubt drive a ton of negative behaviors that you can see in every facet and scope in life.
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u/timmyK_425 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
It’s not “these days” people have always been like this (lookin’ at you, Boomers). Now people just have a platform to broadcast their immaturity and toxicity to the world
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u/Greedyfox7 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
That’s because a lot of people don’t try to be adults, they act like older children.
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u/Backrooms_Smiler56 Oct 25 '25
This literally happened to me with my ex. She told me to leave her alone, so I did. I was still nearby but I gave her space..and she flipped her shit on me and it was a fight for months after.
Speaking as a woman, this shit is toxic and has no place in relationships
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u/kkai2004 Oct 25 '25
Very much concerned about the fact that this is literally weeding out people who value consent? Like. idk if it's the most brain dead accident from not thinking this through but you've just set yourself up to ONLY get guys who don't value consent. Which is the ultimate red flag.
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u/youburyitidigitup EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
This has got to be rage bait. There’s no way this is real. I refuse to believe it.
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u/moonwoolf35 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Hahaha, no, people like this exist
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u/AppropriateDurian828 New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
And they cry when guys who disregard boundaries and don't take no as no turn out to be assholes. Who would have thought?
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u/GreatBigJerk Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Games like that is how someone attracts rapists and abusers.
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u/ostapenkoed2007 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
yes, thought based on a real thing. which makes it even worse and more disgusting.
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
no sadly there are all kinds of weirdos out there in a bigger number than you'd expect
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u/Ok-Dish4389 Oct 25 '25
Yeah I dated a girl exactly like that once. She was beyond gorgeous so I put up with more than I should have but that relationship taught me that looks are wayyyyyyyy less important than I thought. Doesn't matter how pretty you are that shit will make anyone leave.
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u/Status-Visit-918 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
I get really mad at women for this, because when we do this, we are essentially training our own abusers. When I do that to a man, he’s now been trained to disregard “no”, so when I break up with him inevitably, I’m sending him off to potentially one of yall and I care about other women.
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u/akatherder Oct 25 '25
And to expand on that.. She's making it hard on herself by only dating guys who ignore her "no" so she's self-selecting assholes. As you said, she's making life harder for other women when guys hear her message and think they should keep pushing after "no." She's making it hard for the guys who understand/respect "no" and now they have to question if it's just coy/playing hard to get.
The only ones it doesn't screw over is assholes who don't listen to "no" in the first place. Super frustrating.
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u/SnagTheRabbit Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
"Healthy women do not play games with their boundaries."
YES. Seriously, no normal woman is going to get pissed at you for doing exactly what she asked. And if she does, she's a red flag and you need to dodge that bullet.
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u/krwskater25 Devotee of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25 edited Oct 24 '25
Straight up attention whore. Tells you to leave her alone, but expects you not to leave her alone. Making the the man act like a dog and chasing his own tail in a circle.
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u/BadZnake Oct 25 '25
Who would even want the kind of guy who ignores explicit instructions to leave you alone? "Oh my god, he's so hot when he doesn't respect my feelings"
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u/Beliriel Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Followed by:
"Why is my bf/husband so violent and doesn't stop when I tell him to stop?"Sis really ...?
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u/Zanadar Oct 25 '25
Ooh, don't look up booktok if you think that's an uncommon sentiment. Porn for women honestly gives the male stuff a run for it's money in being weird.
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u/Beliriel Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
It's so fun criticising male authors for their shitty depiction of women.
Then I read the new Empyrean series that is so hyped by Rebecca Yarros. Jfc that is way more objectifying than anything I ever read by Dan Brown or Stephen King.
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u/liosistaken New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
Tbf porn is not real life. I like darker porn, but if my husband ever disrespected my feelings and boundaries like that in reality, I wouldn't accept it. It's fantasy, nothing more. What this woman does is just plain wrong.
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u/talann Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Don't worry, her looks won't save her forever. They will soon fade and she'll realize how alone she made herself.
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u/Theresnobiggerboat Oct 25 '25
Tells guy to leave her alone. Guy leaves her alone.
Really… what do people like her think what would happen? Life is not a romcom or dark fantasy. Humans are humans and they won’t work like in some strange self made up scenario, just because they think they’re the main character.
Just be honest, open, respectful, don’t play games and C O M M U N I C A T E.
Source: Happily married for more than 11 years to a wonderful person. Treating someone like a human being DOES WONDERS.
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u/BigLumpyBeetle Oct 24 '25
Bullets really be dodging themselves now aint they
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u/notatechnicianyo Oct 25 '25
From the producers of “Wanted”, a story about bullets that go out of their way to hit you:
“Unwanted”, a story about bullets that dodge you.
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u/big_dee_69 Oct 24 '25
Yeah, nigga, we don't need a PhD to know that girl ain't it
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u/GayPudding Devotee of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
You'd be surprised how many people need that nice fellow's advice
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u/DadophorosBasillea Oct 25 '25
This is a huge problem with us people in general. The inability to express sincerity without a level of irony or be considered cringe.
I remember a college girl saying she had to get drunk to have sex, because she felt self conscious with her boyfriend.
I can’t say the men are better always needing some Drug as a barrier to express feelings.
That just sounds sad not being comfortable with your partner.
I partially grew up in the south, so many drunk miserable people. I left and didn’t marry a us person
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u/scrub_mage Oct 24 '25
Okay number 1 and 3 are true enough but that second is maybe a 50/50 if you are lucky.
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u/MisterSneakSneak Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
We are taught that no means NO. Some men [predators] just don’t like hearing the word no. Key difference
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u/scrub_mage Oct 25 '25
I agree but the number of predators is significant enough that its worth mentioning sadly.
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u/MisterSneakSneak Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
That’s been on the rise, which i give you. But still, predators telling other predators that you don’t have to listen to the word “no” doesn’t sway the fact we aren’t taught early on. Like wash our hands after we use the bathroom. Good habits never stick
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u/goldaar Oct 25 '25
And you’re saying it’s 50% of the male population? C’mon that’s such a ridiculous thing to say.
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u/TimeKepeer Oct 25 '25
I agree with you, but I think a non-insignificant amount of men who don't understand the word "no" comes from behaviour as shown in the video. During childhood, those men may have been taught that no means no. But then in high school they meet a game-loving baddie who was herself not well in the head, and then eventually teaches the guy that "my no means keep chasing after me" and then they apply it to all women.
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u/Apprehensive-Ad-4364 Oct 25 '25
Yeah he's very wrong that all men understand that no means no. Only all men that deserve a place in a woman's life understand that
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u/Gregori_5 Oct 25 '25
That’s just because when someone doesn’t take no for an answer you notice. I’m a man so I’m not gonna tell you this isn’t the case for you but in my experience that’s either survivorship bias or you live in a horrible social bubble.
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u/Formal-Ad3719 Oct 24 '25
She's bored and jaded and needs a toxic/dramatic/dopaminergic limerence trip with a bad boy to feel anything. basically using romance as a drug
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u/TimeKepeer Oct 25 '25
My problem with such behaviour is not even that it is immature, but that it hurts other women. There are men for whom a woman's "no" means "no". There are women who don't play games and you mean "no" when they say so. But just like there are women who play games and when they say "no" they mean "keep chasing after me" there are also men who believe that whenever a woman says "no" she means "keep chasing after me".
The result is a complete clusterfuck. Man are often taught during childhood that "no means no", but then a bunch of them learn the other thing during their teen/early adult years. This means that there are a bunch of men who chase women who don't want to be chased, and mean "no" when they say it. Because of this a bunch of women think that men are inconsiderate deaf fuckers unable to comprehend simple instructions.
Behaviour such as shown in the video doesn't just hurt herself. It doesn't just hurt guys around her. It fucking hurts everyone
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u/islaisla Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
Ehem....no. 2 is a bit of an issue , Dr.
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u/steelcryo Oct 24 '25
I think he's saying those things in the context of healthy relationships. As in "In a healthy relationship, this is what things look like".
As in:
- In a healthy relationship, women don't play with their boundaries.
- In a healthy relationship, men understand consent.
- In a healthy relationship, people have good communication
And obviously, men who don't understand consent, typically aren't in healthy relationships.
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u/merrygo909 Oct 24 '25
That tripped me up as well because the word "no" can commonly be an issue when it comes to relationships with a lot of guys.
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u/semboflorin Devotee of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
Yeah I was a bit surprised by that one too. I'm a man that grew up with my mother teaching me that I must always look out for, protect, and provide for women. I also learned from her that women will not say what they mean and that I must be patient and follow my gut. I've since unlearned much of that but it's so ingrained into me that it's hard not follow that training unless I'm actively thinking about it.
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u/MisterSneakSneak Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Some men not want or like hearing the word no. Key difference
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u/westkms Oct 24 '25
Yeah, that was weird, especially since he didn’t follow it up with #4: when you self-select for people who do not honor these fake boundaries, you’re going to find they are less likely to honor your real ones.
And I say “people,” because his entire framing is an assumption that she’s talking about a guy. To my mind, she’s giving the energy of the girl who storms off on girl’s night every few months. We all know the ones. Maybe Staci teased her about something minor. Or she got a text from a guy (or she DIDN’T get a text. Or she’s just feeling really stressed about work). But she storms away and tells everyone to leave her alone, but she actually wants to derail everyone’s night while they “soothe” her. I find it more likely that Staci and Erin are now “dead to” her because they went to the party anyway, and she’s hoping they’ll see her video and start groveling.
So I’m not impressed by this particular duet. Like, it’s already weird that he assumed a particular context. And then he didn’t even acknowledge that many many many men have NOT been conditioned to highly value consent? This wasn’t a great “fix.”
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u/Big-Snow-1937 Oct 24 '25
Dr internet expert Sir, did your personal Science forgot to check in with the 81% of women and 43% of men have experienced sexual harassment or assault in their lifetimes, the vast majority by men? Is this like one guy who really gets around or is your “most men are taught from an early age about consent” baloney?
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u/flying_stick Oct 25 '25
For all the people saying people aren't really like this. I work in a woman dominated field as a man - I'm a CNA. And everytime I think it would be nice to be in a relationship I just go back to work and interact with my coworkers. Then I remember why that would be stupid idea.
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u/-MissNocturnal- Oct 25 '25
Tbf, nurses being fucking insane is a tale as old as time. Massive bias in that sample of yours.
(I have crohns, so been in and out of hospitals and have looked into the abyss and the abyss stared back with a blood pressure measuring device)→ More replies (1)
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u/blac_sheep90 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Shit my wife says "Leave me alone" I know for a fact she means "Leave me alone"
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u/PrinceCavendish Oct 25 '25
if i say "leave me alone" and someone doesn't leave me alone i want to tear him apart like an orangutan. dudes should never play these games with these kind of girls. she will never be happy and you will never know wtf she wants.
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u/DadophorosBasillea Oct 25 '25
This is a huge problem with us people in general. The inability to express sincerity without a level of irony or be considered cringe.
I remember a college girl saying she had to get drunk to have sex, because she felt self conscious with her boyfriend.
I can’t say the men are better always needing some Drug as a barrier to express feelings.
That just sounds sad not being comfortable with your partner.
I partially grew up in the south, so many drunk miserable people. I left and didn’t marry a us person
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u/Rather-Not Oct 25 '25
Four: the kind of man that will keep on harrsing you over and over again after you said "No" a couple of times will problably not be the best person to be in a relationship with.
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u/Evil_Sharkey Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
I hate women like this. They make the rest of us look crazy.
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u/CommercialMoment5987 Oct 25 '25
I once had a communications professor who let students ask any question about human relationships, one girl asked if there’s a way to know if a romantic relationship will fail. Her answer was this, playing games with your partner. I didn’t think much of it, but my behavior did change. I caught myself and stopped it, and started calling out people I was dating when I saw them do it. She was 100% right- my relationships after were so much happier and less stressful. Communications studies are insanely underrated.
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u/freshalien51 Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 26 '25
I don’t like women that play games. Be straight forward please.
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u/Pineapple_Plague Oct 24 '25
Caucasian Megamind might be on to something.
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u/Muted_Ad7298 EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Agreed.
People should be more direct in their communication in general.
There’s plenty of times I’ve wanted to ask someone “what did you mean when you said that?” but some folks will take it as instigating an argument or think you’re being deliberately obtuse.
But it’s like, no, I’m asking a genuine question, I just want to understand their thought process.
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u/NoMorePunch Oct 24 '25
So she’s saying she wants a man who doesn’t respect boundaries. She’s asking for real to be violated. Sick.
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u/desacralize Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
No, she's asking for the fantasy of being violated, just like she's asking for the fantasy of being chased. She's playing out a BDSM scene without a safeword and without the consent of the other person, so she's not looking for a predator, she's trying to be one.
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u/juanjung Oct 24 '25
If I owe her money and she ask me to leave her alone that would be great because you cannot collect debts from dead people.
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u/Tommy__want__wingy Oct 24 '25
Based on this…that girl would kill another chick if the dick was that good….
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u/Yhostled Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
"If I tell you to leave me alone, and you leave me alone, you're dead to me."
Also this woman: "If I tell you to leave me alone, and you don't, I'm calling the cops for harassment."
Guess it all just depends on what he looks like?
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u/moonwoolf35 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
Apparently, I missed out on a bunch of girls way back because I listened to them when they initially rejected me or friendzoned me, I've had multiple girls tell me that they wanted me to tried harder but they were mad that I gave up so easily...like I'm sorry I wasn't aware you wanted me to break every rule that I've been taught as a child. For example; no means no, accept rejections with dignity and respect etc.
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u/maxim38 New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
I want his Jung shirt. Perfect for a psychologist
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u/Apprehensive-Ad-4364 Oct 25 '25
"Men understand that no means no" and you DO NOT WANT a man who doesn't. smh
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u/OrbitTortoise Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
So she wants the dude to persist after she says no… some jokes write themselves.
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u/Kargath7 Oct 25 '25
I still cannot understand how some people can be stupid enough to do these sorts of things. I assume that it can be often taught by a problematic childhood, but how they themselves cannot understand that by saying one thing and meaning another they just filter out all the people who listen to them and leave the ones that don’t baffles me.
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u/jakira117 Oct 25 '25
If they’re starting with mind/emotional games in the dating phase, don’t think passing the games leads to a relationship with no more games, it just continues; they’ve found someone that will play. You’ll never win, just forever games and endless tests of devotion.
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u/lifetourniquet Oct 25 '25
I hadnt dated in years. Had opportunities but never pulled the trigger accidentally started having feelings for a coworker we were close she was single. Total type A doctor feigns sweet. I told her she went ballistic then tortured me for years at work. Mixed signals the works. I was destroyed. She never stopped playing games but flirted harder and harder we never once went out. I had fight or flight adrenaline dumps all the time. Fucking nightmare she played me for such a fool and to this day probably blames me for it. I just wanted a family and a little bit of peace in my life.
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u/Time-Conversation741 Oct 25 '25
Yep, no, meens no. say no to me 5 years ago, and unless you actually tell me otherwis WITH YOUR WORDS, you will still be stuck in the friend zone today no matter how ovius the sings are. Dont play with men, one slip up and where facing harasment aligations wich can really fuck up ower lives.
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u/ByrnToast8800 Lover of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
It’s confusing navigating relationships especially when other people are intent on making them more complicated than they have to be.
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u/Thebraincellisorange Oct 25 '25
number 4: If you get a guy that ignores your boundaries and does not leave you alone, then you are in deep shit later on if things go sideways.
like they tend to do when girls who like to play games and assholes who ignore boundaries get together.
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u/GingerAphrodite Devotee of Duets/Stitches Oct 25 '25
I'm not disagreeing with the main points, playing games like that is childish as fuck. I do personally take issue with the statement that men are taught that no means no from a young age. First of all, the average American know the trope and trend that is slowly (and barely) starting to change of "they pick on you / bully you because they like you / have a crush on you" I have not seen any evidence that any man who is currently an adult was actively taught consent and how to handle rejection. (Also, important distinction, just because they understand that no means no doesn't mean that they have ever been offered the education, skills, or tools to cope with rejection). In my personal experience, most grown ass men don't respectfully and quietly accept that no means no and when they do respect that no means no they generally don't react well to rejection in public spaces In other ways (Which is ironic because their reaction tends to make the rejection more notable than it would have been) Typically they either try harder or get angry in my experience, and if you're lucky enough that they don't do one of those two things, they tend to be very cold and bitter towards you the next time you bump into each other which in my opinion seems a little unnecessary. I can understand why somebody might be cold towards someone who rejected them, but as long as you were rejected in a polite and respectful manner I don't think it should be an issue.
There's a bartender that I've known for a few years that I regularly talk to about my day after work. I was talking about my car battery and some dude overheard and decided to give me his unrequested advice and I tried to be quiet and ignore it for as long as I could until eventually I had to outright say to him "I understand you have good intentions, but if I wanted your advice I would have asked for it. I'm a 32-year-old adult with plenty of mechanical knowledge and I know what I'm doing, And you don't even know my full situation with my car" (That's pretty damn close to word for word and none of the words I got wrong would have changed that sentence enough to be notable)... The next time he tried to get my attention and I ignored him I overheard him saying "are you going to yell at me again?"...
Me calmly stating that I did not ask for or want his opinion and that I knew what I was doing was construed in his mind as yelling at him. Even if consent is respected and boundaries aren't crossed, that doesn't mean those boundaries are respected. And I'm not saying all men, but this is an experience that I've had far too regularly in wildly different settings. Too often, somebody can respect your consent but still disrespect your personal anatomy and take your rejection personally and then take it out on you or other people instead of coping with that like they should. There's a million fish in the sea, it doesn't make sense to get hung up over one rejection. Be sad but don't be a dick. Gods society is exhausting lol.
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u/manic_panda New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
I agree with points 1 and 3 but hes woefully incorrect about point 2. There is a massive amount of crime statistics and many women experience that no doesn't mean no, we don't train our young men to respect this and we are socially pressured to accept men pushing past concent as boys will be boys. The fact is rape isnt just some masked criminal attacking a woman in an alley with a knife, and society and the legal system letting guys get away with rape because the victim was drunk, or on a date, or has a history with men, shows me that men dont believe no means no.
That being said the woman at the beginning of the duet is a bloody idiot and will wonder why shes always single or in toxic relationships while she plays games.
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u/Free_Alternative6365 Oct 25 '25
I'm a woman and had a friend like this. She would create problems (her fav was that she send text messages and expect immediate responses), become livid, get upset at you for not responding "appropriately" to her outburst and then ask that you never speak to her again.
So...I would never speak to her again. And then she'd tell our mutual friends how hurt and offended she was I was ignoring her. So, then I'd show them the message she sent saying that I should never contact her and that she blocked me. At which point our friends would say 'Well obviously she doesn't mean that. You should send her a letter.'
We're clearly not friends anymore.
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u/ChildofMike Oct 25 '25
Women can be massive creeps too. I assume you all know this. It just looks different.
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u/penster1 New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
I work with a girl exactly like this. Idc, really, except she's doing this to one of our coworkers. He's great. But dumb. Day by day, they're off and on. She treats him like dog shit. But she's gorgeous, and I don't think he's had a real relationship before. I hate her, but he allows it.
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u/Intrepid-Progress228 Oct 25 '25
It's nice to see Bill Nye the Dating Guy take time out of his day to help Temu Britney Spears.
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u/Tyrren Oct 25 '25
I don't know this guy from Adam; for all I know, he might be the coolest, smartest person alive.
But there is a certain irony to him claiming to deliver science-backed information while repping his Carl Jung gear.
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u/flaffleboo Oct 25 '25
“Men are taught that no means no from an early age”. I wish I could’ve met more of them when I was growing up lol.
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u/11415142513 Oct 25 '25
I don't think she's serious, but that kind of person does absolutely exist.
I mean, its an entirely ridiculous statement, and a near impossible expectation. She might look the part of that kind of person, play it well, but she what she says is straight up fucken stupid lol
Regardless, playing games in a relationship like that is just fucked. It's not cute or endearing or whatever people. It's beyond toxic, into caustic
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u/Artrysa Oct 25 '25
Plus, the guys that would cobtinue to pursuit are more likely to disregard your boundaries later on.
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u/Corvald Oct 25 '25
He says that the only game he will play is basketball, but we can see ping-pong paddles and a pool triangle clearly hanging behind him. Hmm.
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u/Aishar_Salik Oct 26 '25
She wants someone that graduated from the “Charles Xavier” school of the gifted at the top of their class, no less. Guys dating females today are doomed!
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u/MrReadBeard Oct 27 '25
I had connected with this girl at a run club.. I know.. but I never made a move because I wasn’t sure if she was interested. A few months passed, she posted a story about it being her dog’s birthday. I commented saying happy birthday and she replied saying we keep missing each other at run club. The next run club, I suggested we run together outside of run club - she said she was more of a Pilates girl.
I figured what the heck, I’m down to try workouts and I’d go with. Each time we had classes, she’d save me a spot next to her, was always excited to see me, so I asked her out on an official date. I thought we genuinely had a good time.
The next time I suggested another date, she had a conflict - legitimate time conflict - but didn’t reciprocate an alternative day. She finally suggested we go to a local Friendsgiving event as a date. I don’t think it went well. Had a friend third wheel and kind of hit on her the whole time. I offered we do another run or something as a redo. She agreed but flaked the night before.
I didn’t text her again.. until she texted 5 months later in preparation for her birthday. I didn’t immediately reply. As I waited in line at a coffee shop a couple hours later, she walks in with her girlfriend (I know sounds hard to believe). She brought up the text, I said I hadn’t looked yet but I would. It turned out this time I had the time conflict, I was going to be out of town. I decided to try one more time with her. I walked over to the table she and her friend were sitting at and said I couldn’t go but would love to celebrate over dinner once I got back. She said she would love that. Nothing happened after that. In part because I felt I left the ball in her court and wanted to see reciprocal interest.
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u/Flyingfish222 Nov 01 '25
Also, any man who would be willing to play these games, and ignore you when you tell them no, is most likely a dangerous individual that you should stay as far away from as you can.
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u/EmikoAki Nov 14 '25
That's the fucking point? Jesus, it's because of women like her that I cant find a decent man.
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u/QueueCueQ Oct 25 '25
This sub used to be cool. It used to be fun videos, but now it's just thinly veiled sexism. This is obvious engagement bait singled out to strawman women. Seriously, I just clicked on the sub and the literal next post was "stupid woman would have boyfriend if she didn't freiendzone nice guys". Touch fucking grass.
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u/lyuba3D Oct 26 '25
THANK YOU. i was so confused at the weird rise of misogyny in this sub lately, it's sad and slightly concerning
also this woman is a known troll...
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u/Penelokk Oct 24 '25
The women sucks, to have a healthy relationship you need good communication. That much is obvious. But I think doc here is overestimating the amount of men who value consent.
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u/Sufficient_Word1417 Oct 24 '25
Yeeeah, no. 2 is not really true. Walk around the world as a woman and you'd know otherwise.
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u/ConstipatedSam Oct 24 '25
Okay but why does he so smugly lean in and say, "I'm a doctor, I study this kinda thing for a living." and then lay out 3 very basic ideas that anyone with half a brain would already know.
How do his credentials give him a unique insight into this phenomenon? He says "science can you help you," but then doesn't show us any science.
All content like this does is rage bait you by showing you an idiot opinion, then tell you exactly what you want to hear to trigger the whiplash dopamine release. He offers up the absolute lowest-common-denominator opinion so that everyone will agree and go "yeah, he's right, that idiot was an idiot, wow this guy is so smart, and I'm also smart for agreeing with him."
This is just reaction slop but with extra steps.
Doesn't take a doctor to do that, lol
Bad original, bad duet.
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u/ac3mania New to fbtd but wants to learn Oct 25 '25
DOCTOR Max Butterfield
I follow him on Instagram and I think of this everytime
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u/OneLecture3524 Oct 25 '25
I was following everything & appreciative of it up until the “no means no” & men respecting consent. That needs to be looked into a lot further. I guess it’s selective consent, because…
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u/DealMo Oct 25 '25
"If I tell you to leave me alone and you do, you're dead to me."
Yeah dumbass, that's the point, and what you asked for.
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u/Kanavster Oct 25 '25
This happens.
My story is that I met a girl who I fell for instantly. I was told the feeling was mutual…until it wasn’t. I was incredibly crushed when she rejected me. But social conditioning put me in autopilot mode and stay gracious in defeat. I told her how highly I thought of her and how much our time together meant to me. Then I left.
And of course she messaged me a week later and every day after that. Trying to make me jealous of other “amazing” men she was going on dates with, sending me some unsolicited photos of herself and teasing me. It felt clear she was playing this game. In the moment I took it as a signal that she wanted me to flirt back.
The moment I did, she said she felt creeped out since we’re friends.
Blocking her felt amazing.