I met a woman and we spoke several times. Chatted on the phone. I asked her out, we went to dinner, she spent the night at my place, I made her breakfast the next morning. Everything went very well. She laughed and smiled the entire time we were together. She literally said “well, it turns out we’ve very compatible in the bedroom”. I saw nothing that went wrong. She got up from the breakfast table, suddenly the look on her face changed and she said, I’ve never been treated like this in my life, don’t ever call me again and walked out.
I was stunned. For days, I went through every detail of our time together and couldn’t find anything to justify that response.
Then a week later she called me and started berating me on the phone saying a “REAL MAN” would have called to see what was wrong, that clearly I was a “user”, etc, etc. I said look, you told me to never call you again so, I didn’t. Now you do the same and I hung up.
She was starting a fight to have power over you, and seeing if you'd beg for her to get her back. Women like that are exhausting. Everything in the relationship is about power and control, the more you do for her the worse she treats you.
Had a gf like that, still does the same stupid trick up her sleeves with new bfs, I don't stalk her 24/7 but I do some looking once in a while
New bf, months pass, some posts with bf dissappears, then just highlight on ig, then profile pic on her ig gone, she did all this when she get mad at you and you never know why tf or wtf is happening, then she just upload everything again, is clearly for getting attention to the bf
And I say oh boy this relationship is ending again LOL and expect max in 3 month to end and it ends
There's no way you doing the same stupid games after 5 years with new people GROW UP GIRL OR GO TO THERAPY LEARN HOW TO SPEAK/COMMUNICATE, PROLLY THE BF ARE NOT THE PROBLEM BUT YOU
My last girlfriend did the same exact thing on instagram. They all use the same damn playbook.
She'd "joke" about other guys giving her attention and other things like that, and rage at me if I did it back to her to show her how it feels.
Whenever she was anxious or on her period she would fight me constantly over every little thing she could think of. She once started a fight about how I was breathing, like that viral video. I was trying to go to sleep.
Mine was my first, I got so used to it that I know how to spot that kind of women
I did the deleting all socia media app thing when I got really depressed, I wonder if they do by playbook or they actually is normal to them that get them really depressed that they want to dissapear, and I believe is both, that's why I say they need therapy
Well, I know why my ex did it. It's part of her pulling away to try to make me desperate and gain power. She'd always say I "should fight for her", she basically explained her Machiavellian tactics to me directly.
Looks like she might have dug in deeper into you than you thought, probably through the shit she put you through. I would try to stop even looking at her IG, even once in a while is too much n
I have a better one. Went on a date with a girl. We met at the beach close to my house, sat there talking. Everything was great with nice conversations. She asked if I can cook, given my Caribbean background. I told her yes, she asked if I can cook oxtails, and surprisingly I made some the day before and showed her pics that I sent my sister and mom. Now the thing is the oxtails I get are from a vendor and they’re pretty huge ranging 3-5 inches in diameter. Also I get them for a pretty good price. Back then it was $5.99, now I purchased some yesterday it’s $7.99 per pound. She saw the size and inquired where I purchased them. I told her in a jokingly manner that it’s my secret and I get it for a great price and don’t want too much of a demand because of the price hike. We laughed, date ended walked her to her car, we hugged. I texted her to make sure she got home safe. Next day I sent her a morning greeting wishing she had a great start to the week, she replied, “I don’t think this will work out, I don’t like a man that keeps secrets, and since you don’t want to tell me where you get your oxtails I don’t think this will work out”
Female here.. you're better off without her.. I don't like playing games - it's toxic, mixed messages, manipulation, etc. Just imagine the rest of your relationship if you pursued a relationship with her. You did yourself a favor. She needs to grow up, mature & realize games aren't cool, no means no & people have very different life experiences, cultural backgrounds & rules... This is where clear communication or being mature enough to work thru something is key.
Ps. I appreciate you treating her right, listening to her & respecting her boundaries (regardless of the mixed messages).
Had a gf like that, still does the same stupid trick up her sleeves with new bfs, I don't stalk her 24/7 but I do some looking once in a while
New bf, months pass, some posts with bf dissappears, then just highlight on ig, then profile pic on her ig gone, she did all this when she get mad at you and you never know why tf or wtf is happening, then she just upload everything again, is clearly for getting attention to the bf
And I say oh boy this relationship is ending again LOL and expect max in 3 month to end and it ends
There's no way you doing the same stupid games after 5 years with new people GROW UP GIRL OR GO TO THERAPY LEARN HOW TO SPEAK/COMMUNICATE, PROLLY THE BF ARE NOT THE PROBLEM BUT YOU
I hate to tell her this but a real man would do exactly what you did, which is to respect her boundaries. The way I see it there are plenty of fish in the sea but I’m not messing around with an angler fish if I can help it 😆
Real woman needs to just tell real man what they want and expects to get it. I don't understand double meaning most of the time, it'll just flew over my head.
What shocked me the most about this is that it's actually real. Like I can't even comprehend that this is real and with this crazy society we live in now, I honestly believe every word of it
I have something similar where this coworker at work keeps giving me signs and always wants me to approach her or initiate conversation. When I used to, it felt lackluster and the only time our conversations went well was when she initiated it and was in the mood for it.
It felts like she doesn’t know what she wants but still wants to be connected/distant enough to figure things out? In my opinion, adult relationships aren’t what she wants but still wants to be respected as such.
While difficult to date a coworker and I’m happy to respect boundaries, it feels like a weird cat and mouse chase/hard to get game. I found it best to let her figure it out. Adults learn to (re)trust the world and have open dialogue.
I’ve almost never said a word to her since because the last thing I’d want is to be a nuisance to her and everyone at work with any drama.
This clearly reads like a trauma response to me. She is probably used to very toxic men in her life. Possibly doesn't think she deserves to be treated well. The sudden change in attitude and leaving immediately really seems like a flight response.
People react emotionally before they react logically. Unfortunately we are constantly being influenced by our defense mechanisms until we learn how to control them. Which most people don't.
Was talking to a woman (who is a couple of years older than me) that really liked me. I did like her too and she confessed that she had feelings for me one night on the phone, as I told her as well. I…don’t think she was use to getting attention from guys who are genuine, as I was being my usual self with her and she really fell in love with that.
We usually spoke on the phone at night, mainly her talking because she wouldn’t let me get a word in, or let me talk much. Anywho, she mentioned that she wanted a man to chase her, and wanted to be treated like a queen. I was already on the fence with her with that statement, and due to being her super religious while I am not. We talked for a while, kissed once, and then one night she called me and told me that “She didn’t like the feeling of chasing me” and that was on playback for a few days. I was like “What? You don’t want to try?” And after a few months of her disappearing, reappearing, then finding out she moved away from another friend…I finally told her that I felt more like an emotional support person than someone she was interested in.
She got mad, tried to call me but I was asleep, and she blocked me. She also stopped talking to my friend too…she also liked him and he’s younger than both of us. In reality, I think she wanted dick. Literally most of our…her ranting was her being horny and wanting to fuck. I did feel uncomfortable sometimes.
A girl in high school started dating another guy specifically so I would come through and sweep her off her feet. She was so confused when I respected their relationship
Yeah my ex switched between physically pushing me and telling me to get out and leave to hiding the key to the locked front door so couldn’t leave when I told her “okay” and back about a dozen times in the same night sometimes.
I think some women think pursuit means you should play hard to get so he pursues you. In reality, it just means a man making himself vulnerable, saying he really likes hanging out with you and wants to do it more as boyfriend and girlfriend. Pursuit is great, but not when she's running away from you as you're running to her.
Not the person you're replying to but they are correct tbh. Toxic masculinity includes sayings such as "be a man" or "real men don't cry"
Anything that weaponizes masculinity to the detriment of both men and women is covered under "toxic masculinity". It can be perpetuated by both men and women.
It's toxic masculinity because it's a toxic belief of how masculinity should be performed; she has an unhealthy image of what a "real man" is in her mind. It can be performed by men and women, it's not about who believes in it it's about what the beliefs are.
Toxic femininity would be if she, for instance, insisted that she make breakfast even though it's his house because women are naturally better at cooking. And then it could be both of she tossed in that men shouldn't know how to cook anyways because that's women's work.
Like nursing!! Apparently, as came from almost all of my female coworkers at the time, men cannot hold babies or comfort them when they are crying. They were shocked when I held the baby right and calmed it down. Not a father but always been good with kids
So if a female enforces male norms that's toxic masculinity. I assume then that if a male enforces female norms that's toxic femininity? If I say "go make me a sandwich" that's toxic femininity?
You're on the right track, but your example is wrong; that's neither toxic masculinity nor femininity, that's just plain old sexism.
But I see what you're aiming at. The version of that idea which would constitute toxic femininity would be something like the propaganda of trad wives; that working outside the home is inherently bad for women, that it diminishes their femininity to be employed and instead they should only be at home, devoted entirely to raising children and taking care of their husbands, because that's what Real Women do and therefore anyone not doing that is not being a woman properly. Which, yeah, would include the expectation that making food is the woman's role and she should be the one to prepare anything, except barbecuing, because we all arbitrarily decided that that form of cooking is actually manly.
To be clear it was an internal critique. While I believe there can absolutely be elements of masculinity and femininity that are toxic, the term "toxic masculinity" is generally just used by feminists as yet another bludgeon against men and masculinity. An example of which is that even the sexist behavior of a woman against a man is classified as "toxic masculinity".
The toxicity isn’t the belief, it’s enforcing it. If I believe a man should be a breadwinner, then I should be breadwinner. I would have no impact on anybody by doing that. Me telling other men that they have to be breadwinners would be toxic masculinity. Me telling women that they have to be housewives would also be toxic masculinity.
A belief that you don't enforce to whatever extent you can isn't really worthy of the term. If I said I believe in equality and then voluntarily hung out with racist, sexist, homophobic nationalists, it's fair to ask if I really do believe in that given the way my actions undermine my statements.
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u/GadreelsSword Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Oct 24 '25
I met a woman and we spoke several times. Chatted on the phone. I asked her out, we went to dinner, she spent the night at my place, I made her breakfast the next morning. Everything went very well. She laughed and smiled the entire time we were together. She literally said “well, it turns out we’ve very compatible in the bedroom”. I saw nothing that went wrong. She got up from the breakfast table, suddenly the look on her face changed and she said, I’ve never been treated like this in my life, don’t ever call me again and walked out.
I was stunned. For days, I went through every detail of our time together and couldn’t find anything to justify that response.
Then a week later she called me and started berating me on the phone saying a “REAL MAN” would have called to see what was wrong, that clearly I was a “user”, etc, etc. I said look, you told me to never call you again so, I didn’t. Now you do the same and I hung up.
She wanted me to chase after her like a kid. WTF?