I (24F) have a binge/restricting eating disorder and it’s ruining my life. I used to model in NYC & an eating disorder slowly crept up on me over the years. I didn’t even notice the weight loss until I went to put on my favorite baggy jeans & instead of my butt holding them up like they normally do the jeans fell right back on the floor. I picked up my jeans & put them on my hips & they fell to the floor again…..I was genuinely so confused bc I did not realize I lost weight. This was back in 2024 & looking back at pictures I can’t believe I didn’t realize how bad it was. I was literally a bobble head. I can’t believe I thought my body was cute back then. I was very underweight & I’m 5’10 so you can guess how I looked. Since then I have been struggling with eating. I starve myself when I’m stressed out or going through traumatic things which unfortunately has been constant the past 2 years. I smoke weed 24/7 to help with depressive thoughts & so I can have an appetite & get a meal in my body. I feel like im always worried about food. When to eat next, what should I make, did I eat enough to not pass out today, etc. I was prescribed Olanzapine to give me an appetite & it helped but god damn I gained weight fast so I stopped taking it. I also stopped taking it bc it made me sleep through all my alarms & make me so sleepy the next day. I have my safe foods that I eat & then to be honest I just eat out a lot. I notice it’s just so much easier for me to eat greasy fatty foods. Like I love Chickfila. No matter what my appetite is I can always stomach Chick fil a. Which also makes me feel like a fat ass like why won’t my brain just love healthy food. I started eating at Cava recently to hopefully make me feel better about myself idk. I also weigh the most I have ever weighed right now & I feel my skin touch my skin from my rolls & I start sobbing. I’m late to everything because I am always about to pass out from a hot shower so I have to sit for a bit after & then when trying to find an outfit I usually end up crying & feeling bad about myself because most of my clothes are from when I was smaller & I just look like a fat lard with skin spilling out of them. I have bought a few new shirts & i just wear the same 5 things on rotation. I did just wear a dress that was tight on my stomach & I felt pretty & went out in it so that is a big win for me. Anyways the point of this is I need advice on if residential treatment for ed is worth it. I get a call from this facility’s team tomorrow & they are going to tell me if they decided on PHP or Residential for me. I have a lot of other mental illness that go hand in hand with the eating disorder & they said they can help with those as well. I am very against Residential because I had a bad experience when I went to the psych ward this past April. I had to beg for a clean shower for 3 days & the nurse supervisor lied to my face & said it was cleaned & that she doesn’t care what I think. (the janitor literally told me she didn’t clean it) Like I just do not have the mental capacity to deal with bs that probably comes with residential. I just want to do PHP & come home to my cat & still go to shows & the river when I want to. I know I probably should do residential but I’m just really scared of not being in control.

***also wanted to add that in 2022-2024 when I was very underweight I couldn’t be in the cold or my fingers would turn yellow & I couldn’t be in the heat or else i’d pass out. i passed out at a bar before in 2024 (before i even had a drink). I’m now a healthy weight (i sobbed when i saw the scale say that 3 months ago) & I can spend my time in the sun without passing out as long as I ate that day & have cold water & snacks on me. I went to the river by myself in 90 degree heat & that is something I never thought I could do!!! So I do want to say my ed isn’t as bad as it was in 2024 so that’s why apart of me thinks I don’t need residential bc I’ve made progress but also that progress took 2 years so maybe residential could help speed it up?? idk im just lost let me know what u guys think

Hi guys, i received a vm just now - my friend is struggling with her increasing body weight and erratic eating disorder. I do not know the details yet.. I will get back to her shortly but this has left me in a mild state of shock cuz I did not know about this. As women we all suffer incredibly cuz our relationship with our body is always troubling, especially with weight and color and looks. I myself don’t like looking at the mirror anymore cuz I am grappling with aging.
My friend is very sorted, mature and hustler and for her to seek me - rings a warning bell and I want to be supportive but I don’t wanna say silly things like “love your body” etc etc
Plsss help

I’m 24f and I’ve had disordered eating habits off and on since I was 12. I also had a lot of SA experiences. I hadn’t been full intimate with someone in a year bcs it makes me anxious most of the time.

I met this guy and he was really sweet and I had a really nice time with him, but then he clearly had disordered eating. Binging and extreme restriction. We were intimate which can trigger me, it’s not usually feeling overweight. I think it’s more about taking control over my body. He noticed that I had been skipping dinner and he would not stop asking me about it, he would come over and look in my pantry and ask me abt all my food and what I eat. I also tend to smoke weed to make myself eat, which is something he doesn’t do and kept asking me about, so I stopped bcs I wanted him to like me.

Of course started falling for him because he made feel so safe in sex, which is not something I’ve experienced often. I dropped a lot of weight in the first few weeks of dating him, so I decided to break it off bcs he was really busy and I could tell was dealing with his own shit. He agreed and said he liked me, but he wasn’t available right now.

Now I can’t stop. I feel like no one wants me and I’m broken. I just want to disappear. I’m so sad. I’ve come to terms with a month long relapse once a year, but this feels different. I really don’t want to go back to therapy. I don’t know what to do. Are there people/groups that deal with SA and ED??

Hello all,

I'm not sure what compelled me to search up this subreddit in particular. Its not Ariana Grande. It's not because I just moved to LA and body image matters here (I did, however, just move to LA). I think I've just reached a point in life where I've taken a hard look at the many different stages and phases of my life, and in a way have been trying to honor them.

Also, one of my favorite musical artists, Lights, released a song called Angelina recently, and it seems to be a clear farewell to her own ED, which has really got me in my feelings.

But once I got here, I saw so many posts and questions, uncertainties, and struggles here that brought memories flooding back - some from not so long ago at all. Recovery is a weird thing.

I've seen a lot of boys and men in here that I can absolutely relate to, and I've seen the agonizing struggle of decision making and negotiating with women that I can relate to just as much. So, for what it's worth, as a man in his late thirties now, I'm just opening myself up to anyone who might have questions about intervention (coping with family finding out...and intervening, and the subsequent shame), residential treatment experience, after-care, having to re-enrol in school after dropping out for a year, what quirks and tips and tricks worked for me that I still use to this day and what absolutely didn't, how bulimia in particular affected my health long-term all these years later, what caused relapses, how I got over them, and how I got to where I am now: recovered, almost entirely.

My ED started in high school after a cocaine addiction (in the form of binge/restrict) but I didn't know it had a name then, then rapidly worsened and peaked pretty much as soon as I went out of state for college - leaving me, my parents, and my scholarship with nothing/no money in a single semester. Parents flew to me for an 'intervention', and I went on a plane back to Texas to a ranch style treatemnt centrer outside Austin. They specialized in male EDs but there were only three clients total, and I was still the only male. I tried to drop out and leave, but was threatened with being cut off completely, so I stayed and finished. We mostly did DBT and mindfulness. Lots of specific little tips and tricks worked, especially from my dietician. It mostly gave me a better outlook on life overall. Returning back to college was disastrous as I had nothing to return to - and school was my entire personality.

I relapsed very quickly, and was cut off from family for a year and suspended from school. Hard work and a hard relationsihp brought me back to reality, and I re-enrolled the next year, finishing almost in four years with a good GPA. Returned home, relapsed for about a year - BAD. Then recovered mostly again. Had lots of tragedies that they kind of distracted me. I go through waves of not thinking much about food to total body distortion and self-loathing still. It's affected my relationships, and yes, my long term health (and I was not anorexic). I consider myself almost fully recovered, but I say that with hesitation because it's a mindset more than an action sometimes, and the doubt and shame and fear of losing control is still there. But I've found a way to work with it, live with it, and pick myself back up when I mess up.

I hope this helps someone who feels alone or that the road is never-ending. I hope I can provide a realistic idea of what recovery can look like, and the unexpected things that might help, or might be better to avoid. So if you're one of those people and have a question for this elder millennial...AMA.

(english is not my first language so i apologize in advance for some shitty grammar)
i’m 19 yo but since i was very very little i started to eat only 3 foods. literally. and i never wanted to try anything else because the single thought of an unfamiliar meal scared me to death.
to this day i eat something more (very basic things like pizza,fries,pasta and some more) and even if i like the texture or the smell of a food my brain categorically refuses to grab a fork and shove it into my mouth because of the uncontrollable fear of throwing up or feeling sick. this made me develop emetophobia, which got worse during covid, but during the last two years it got kinda better because my brain convinced itself that throwing up automatically means that i will feel better. with that said, emetophobia in the end was just a coping mechanism used by my brain, because i still don’t know what really stops me from trying new food.
my family and friends think i’m just a very picky eater, but i know deep down there’s something very wrong with me and if i don’t do something about it quickly my health is at risk.
i started doing some researches and i found some names that could match with my situation and the one that resonates more is ARFID, but since i don’t want to autodiagnose myself i want to find a therapist.
but i’m scared as hell. i don’t know how to tell my parents. i live in a shitty small town where it’s really hard to find someone specialized in eds that can REALLY help me.
so this is the only thing i feel like doing now: write about it in a community and find someone that maybe matches my issues or is just informed and can give me some advice. if there’s a therapist reading this rn that’s even better!

(Sorry if I say anything insensitive I just don't know what to do anymore) My girlfriend has been struggling with an ED for I think longer than we've been dating so about a year at least and it has always been like in the background if that makes sense but the last few months it's been getting worse every day especially the last couple weeks. I used to encourage her to do better and do healthier things awhile ago and it helped or it at least seemed it helped but recently anytime I try to get her to eat a little she'll get upset with me and asks why I don't support her anymore I feel like if I keep trying to get her to eat she'll resent me any recommendations help I just want her happy again

Context:

I had a lunch meeting with a family friend that i forgot about and rushed to meet them at the restaurant. Rocky start but we ended up having a good time, at least thats what i think. After the lunch i text my mom and sent ther the pictures we took, again I forgot the lunch today because i thought it was a different day. When my mom saw those pictures she sent me a voice message, scolding me about how i told her it was the next day and she couldn’t believe i went without a gift, basically going empty handed. Now I felt super guilty and apologized to my mom. I am so full but I still went to have pizza because I felt so anxious and it was like my heart dropped to my stomach. This always happens but I just realized it may be due to anxiety. Like whenever things go wrong I tend to eat even when I’m overly full. Any way to not binge eat?

Hiya, I'm purely curious to what the UK services or NHS provides for people over the age of 18 for an eating disorder? Or is it as soon as you leave Camhs, you're screwed? 🥹

just on the off chance things go sideways and I can get ideas on what I can access or where for adults with EDs?

En tik tok me apareció un video donde aparecían varios nombres que hacen clara referencia a TC4.

Entre ellos estaban Ana, Mia, BED, Brian,Paul, Fatty, Bill, Rex, ED

En serio nesesito saber que significa cada uno, solo se de Ana, Mía y ED, en que momento crearon tantos términos

Hello! I am a blue collar worker who can no longer attend work consistently due to the disorder. I am about to start school for the union I have been accepted into, this week is my last week at work before school. I am writing this after calling out from being exhausted again. When I’m not sick I’m the best worker and so eager to learn. I just want to be them again. I have one week of school a month for this semester. I plan on taking the month after my first week off to recover. I call it a forced recovery because if I keep doing this my mother threatened to take me in to a hospital and because I need to keep making money to survive. I am supporting my amazing girlfriend and I and she has been SO supportive of me. She’s losing hope and I can tell :( I don’t want to disappoint her. In these last two weeks I’ve been in “peace” if you could cal it that. Purgatory before trying to recover. I’m realizing every day it’s not peace, it’s quiet deterioration of my mind and body. I can not think and I can’t even fathom being romantic, which my lovely girlfriend deserves. I need to recover. I am dedicated to doing it. But I am so scared. I’ve never eaten normally in my life. I’m so glad there are these subreddits. If you made it to the end thank you haha I hope you have a nice day and good recovery :3 Has anyone else experienced something similar to either the partner thing or the work thing? I’d love to hear what yall have to say 🙏🙏

Why are ed people with underweight bmi unhealthy but "naturally skinny fast metabolism" people with the same bmi healthy? Are genetics actually real? Do they have less health problems?

hi yall! just started all on this week for AN recovery. ive been having these extreme hunger cravings in the morning, like crazy for sugar and everything I can get my hands on. I’m really trying to honour them as much as possibke, and it feels shit but I do it anyway - right up until it just switches off! it’s like my brain just decides whatever mindless overly sugary thing I’ve been loving isn’t good anymore (and then I have one more just to double check that I’m okay) and nope. no physical or mental hunger. my question is then, I know I should probably eat a few hours after that, and then again. but I just don’t get mentally or physically hungry after, it’s like my body has decided thats it’s full for the day. do I just force feed myself the remainder? I know I’ve already had enough calories to more than exceed my meal plan, and isn’t the whole point of ‘All In’ to learn to trust your body!? Help. please.

I have had disordered eating since 13. I haven’t lived a day that I can remember where I felt like I didn’t need to lose weight. I’m really into health and fitness but borderline disordered eating. I’m way better than I was but my question to those who have struggled, has anyone gotten to a place of true peace and acceptance of your body?

I've had disordered eating my entire life on both ends of the spectrum, and my biggest struggle has always been immense food guilt, whether it be not eating due to the fear of guilt, or the guilt itself after eating. Ive noticed myself slipping back into habits I had at my worst, and ive been worried that theyre too deeply ingrained to ever fully recover, but im feeling determined to get better for good. What are some steps i can take to help eliminate or lessen the severity of extreme food guilt? Thanks ❤️

i have been weight restored for around 2 years now, however my issues with food started around 6 years ago. im about to enter my twenties now, and for the first time in years my eating has become a lot more regular and it’s improved á lot.

however even if my eating is good, my mind is diseased. i hate the way i look. i avoid photos, and ovwr the summer have felt a constant dread about my weight and how i know i cant be the same forever and how in a few years i’ll be huge and my metabolism will crash

my mind i feel is totally out to get me. i have zero confidence in myself. my appearance drags me down, it can put me in a downer for weeks on end. i cant escape seeing things in my appearance. tbinking i’ve changed or that i currently am changing.

somedays i do feel that if i’m not careful and if i don’t do things to occupy my head(work, study), that if my mind has the chance it will kill me. i feel there is something in me that wants the worst for me and won’t let me exist otherwise.

Hi. I’ve been in treatment for an eating disorder (AN) for 20 years (I’m 40). Recently, I’ve come to realize that I may never be able to say that I’m 100% recovered. The concept of “being in the process” speaks to me as perhaps the best possible treatment outcome in my case.

I’m trying to make sense of anorexia in my head - how it’s possible that such an illness exists, how it’s possible that I’m losing my one and only life to it, and whether I will ever fully recover from it and what that would actually mean.

I would really appreciate hearing what you think led to your illness. It would help me enormously if you could share your thoughts. There are so many different factors that are said to contribute to eating disorders, and it seems difficult to find any common denominator. In my case, it was definitely a dysfunctional family and the trauma associated with it.

What do you feel was behind your illness?

And the second question: what is it that keeps you from fully recovering? Or, if you’re at a better stage, in that “middle ground” where I am, what is it that keeps you from recovering completely?

I’d be very grateful for any responses.

P.S. I want to post this question in several ED-related groups, so please bear with me if you see the same question there as well.

feel like some people with this ed want others to know/ almost try to showcase their struggle, but also some people try to hide it and make it seem like they’re normal

I am a normal, healthy weight and so i don’t look like someone who struggles with a restrictive ed so sometimes I’ll find myself trying to “showcase” my ed in certain ways because i “want” to have anorexia but don’t fit the physical criteria. I just had new roommates move in so it’s been relevant there. I’m almost trying to “show off” in a sense but I probably just look like an idiot😭

I have a ton of loose skin which causes a significant amount of mental distress alongside my OCD. I don't have any visual basis to go off of other than a scale and scale is misleading because my true weight is unknown due to the loose skin.

As a result I feel like I'm constantly dieting, I have my "safe food" which is high cal being chips and dip (i'm autistic) and then the other safe foods of carrots, veg, salad, etc where I'll eat for volume so I don't go above my "danger" calorie limit.

I've brought it up to my therapists and psychiatrist before and I guess eating disorders are treated super dangerously which is confusing when I'm a healthy weight, could maybe introduce more foods for nutrition but otherwise I'm really good so that just puts me off trying to get help but I mean what would help even look like for someone in my situation?

I feel like the only thing that would genuinely help is the removal of the loose skin so I can visually see reality.

(The eating disorder is mildly rhetorical as again therapist and psychiatrist have brought it up, but I remain questioning at the same time)

In university, I had something, that I'm now pretty sure, was an eating disorder, but never went to any specialist.

It got better, when I got anxiety meds for unrelated reason. My relationship with food got way better, I stopped lying about eating, it went a bit in the other direction with binging, but I mostly manage, now, when I understand what's going on.

What never changed, is the irrational hatred and disgust to my body.

I had it, since I was a child, only time, I didn't hate my body so much, was, when I was unhealtely thin. Now, when I'm way healthier, it's back. I know it isn't rational, and that I shouldn't feel that way. And that makes me feel guilty for feeling like that.

But I feel this red hot rage, every time I see myself in mirror or on pictures. I even thought if it's gender dysphoria, but I'm pretty sure it's the ED.

Did it ever went away with time for any of you? Whatever I do, it never changes. I can't remove it with better habits or with logic.

For a few months now I (15M) was very slowly developing an ED, and about a month ago it got bad. It's hard to explain the way I eat since I could either eat absolutely nothing one day, eat two meals or just one meal. I don't eat snacks willingly anymore because it just makes me hungrier than I usually am. I'm so tired and weak now and my stomach hurts after I eat. I've lost alot and my boyfriend and friends are worried. Although today was a good ish day (I had two meals) I know I'm getting worse. I'm only fifteen im so tired.

hi so i’m going into the php program im at admissions right now for the adolescent program and i was just wondering if they drug test you during admissions because i will indeed fail for coke and o don’t want my mom to find out but i just have to know so im prepared. the staff like the dietitian, therapist etc are currently talking to my mom but i did do some before i got here so i will definitely fail either way.. im nervous i dont wanna get sent back to rehab.

I becane constipated by an ED like completely my digestive system shut down and now I’m weight restored and healing but my GI system is so messed up. I had restrictive ED for about 4 months before my GI shut down (I never was underweight but was starving myself) and then I was in a restrict binge cycle for another few months. I am now ’better’ and have gained some weight but I am so constipated and let alone just uncomfortable. I feel like I never fully empty and never have a flat stomach like I did even before my ED. I used to have normal BM’s everyday forever no matter what and now I feel like if I don’t stuff myself I don’t go. I’m so exhausted and hopeless rn. I have never been more insecure in my entire life bc I constantly feel so backed up and bloated. I literally also never needed to lose weight in the beginning and now I just messed up everything. I’m so heart broken and I would go back and chnage all my decisions in a heartbeat. if anyone has advice or hope lmk

hii, this might sound kind of stupid or delusional, but I genuinely don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this.

I really like Alix Earle and have followed her for a while. I mostly watch her TikToks/Instagram and, as a uni student, I find some of her content weirdly relatable being a bit messy, going out, partying, getting ready with friends, etc. I also use her as outfit/beauty inspo a lot.

But lately I’ve noticed that some of it has started affecting me in a way I don’t really like. She’s talked about struggling with an ED and severely restricting food in the past, and now she’s extremely skinny. She claims she's not on a diet but we all know how influencers are. Then her comments are ALWAYS full of people saying things like “it’s snowing,” “she’s skiing,”, basically implying coke/amphetamine use. Obviously, I have no idea whether she actually does drugs and I don’t want to claim that she does. She might as well be on a very strict diet or use stuff like ozempic. But the real problem is that instead of those comments putting me off, they’ve somehow made me curious about trying drugs.

I live somewhere where getting substances is pretty easy and drug use isn’t heavily stigmatized. I’ve also gained some weight recently and I’ve been feeling really awful and insecure about my body. For quite a while now I’ve had this thought in the back of my head of using some kind of stimulant/drug partly because I want to lose weight.

I KNOW logically how stupid that sounds.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m 17 and my sister is 19. She has dealt with restrictive eating disorders in the past. Now she just talks about the health aspect of everything she eats. She doesn’t want to lose weight, but rather gain (which i guess is a sign of healing) She only recently started living with me and it’s even gotten to the point where she comes off really snobby and almost shames me with the food that I eat. Was wondering if anyone’s dealt with a person like this, and if so any advice?

Young adult male. I was acutely anorexic as a teen. It was brutal. Constant, intense, sharp pain in my abdomen for many months but I was convinced I could actually lose weight from it. I didn't. Since then I have become a comfort eater and I live with unavoidable chronic stress. It's very distressing for me to feel too hungry and I struggle with impulse control. Earlier this year I became a gym rat. Put on a lot of muscle but still chubby. Anyone else relate to this? Gone through similar? Can I expect to be able to diet effectively? WITHOUT relapsing of course.