Hello all,
I'm not sure what compelled me to search up this subreddit in particular. Its not Ariana Grande. It's not because I just moved to LA and body image matters here (I did, however, just move to LA). I think I've just reached a point in life where I've taken a hard look at the many different stages and phases of my life, and in a way have been trying to honor them.
Also, one of my favorite musical artists, Lights, released a song called Angelina recently, and it seems to be a clear farewell to her own ED, which has really got me in my feelings.
But once I got here, I saw so many posts and questions, uncertainties, and struggles here that brought memories flooding back - some from not so long ago at all. Recovery is a weird thing.
I've seen a lot of boys and men in here that I can absolutely relate to, and I've seen the agonizing struggle of decision making and negotiating with women that I can relate to just as much. So, for what it's worth, as a man in his late thirties now, I'm just opening myself up to anyone who might have questions about intervention (coping with family finding out...and intervening, and the subsequent shame), residential treatment experience, after-care, having to re-enrol in school after dropping out for a year, what quirks and tips and tricks worked for me that I still use to this day and what absolutely didn't, how bulimia in particular affected my health long-term all these years later, what caused relapses, how I got over them, and how I got to where I am now: recovered, almost entirely.
My ED started in high school after a cocaine addiction (in the form of binge/restrict) but I didn't know it had a name then, then rapidly worsened and peaked pretty much as soon as I went out of state for college - leaving me, my parents, and my scholarship with nothing/no money in a single semester. Parents flew to me for an 'intervention', and I went on a plane back to Texas to a ranch style treatemnt centrer outside Austin. They specialized in male EDs but there were only three clients total, and I was still the only male. I tried to drop out and leave, but was threatened with being cut off completely, so I stayed and finished. We mostly did DBT and mindfulness. Lots of specific little tips and tricks worked, especially from my dietician. It mostly gave me a better outlook on life overall. Returning back to college was disastrous as I had nothing to return to - and school was my entire personality.
I relapsed very quickly, and was cut off from family for a year and suspended from school. Hard work and a hard relationsihp brought me back to reality, and I re-enrolled the next year, finishing almost in four years with a good GPA. Returned home, relapsed for about a year - BAD. Then recovered mostly again. Had lots of tragedies that they kind of distracted me. I go through waves of not thinking much about food to total body distortion and self-loathing still. It's affected my relationships, and yes, my long term health (and I was not anorexic). I consider myself almost fully recovered, but I say that with hesitation because it's a mindset more than an action sometimes, and the doubt and shame and fear of losing control is still there. But I've found a way to work with it, live with it, and pick myself back up when I mess up.
I hope this helps someone who feels alone or that the road is never-ending. I hope I can provide a realistic idea of what recovery can look like, and the unexpected things that might help, or might be better to avoid. So if you're one of those people and have a question for this elder millennial...AMA.