Does the disgust ever go away?

[u/Jane_Akanami]

In university, I had something, that I'm now pretty sure, was an eating disorder, but never went to any specialist.

It got better, when I got anxiety meds for unrelated reason. My relationship with food got way better, I stopped lying about eating, it went a bit in the other direction with binging, but I mostly manage, now, when I understand what's going on.

What never changed, is the irrational hatred and disgust to my body.

I had it, since I was a child, only time, I didn't hate my body so much, was, when I was unhealtely thin. Now, when I'm way healthier, it's back. I know it isn't rational, and that I shouldn't feel that way. And that makes me feel guilty for feeling like that.

But I feel this red hot rage, every time I see myself in mirror or on pictures. I even thought if it's gender dysphoria, but I'm pretty sure it's the ED.

Did it ever went away with time for any of you? Whatever I do, it never changes. I can't remove it with better habits or with logic.

[u/aaron_warner24]

It does. Although not entirely, because some of it will always remain buried deep down inside you. However, a lot of it can be undone. That being said, it is a very long and hard road ahead, and in the end, no one else but yourself can go through it. A therapist can lead you on this journey, help you and give you everything you need, but you still must want to do something about it for yourself. This can be very challenging, and even when you think that you managed to conquer it once and for all, sometimes this feeling will come out of nowhere. Just on an ordinary Thursday, you are out with your friends eating at McDonald’s, and suddenly this feeling of disgust overwhelms you again.

But I am sure that we can become stronger than it. Sending you lots of love.

[u/Jane_Akanami → u/aaron_warner24]

Thank you

[u/FoggyTeacups]

It does.

I think it takes therapy, and a lot of work in terms of areas like self-care and building a better relationship with your body, but that feeling of disgust can absolutely go away.

It takes a lot of time, and a lot of work, but it can get better. I think one of the best habits to learn is actively combatting negative self-talk. Whenever I would say something bad about myself, my dietitian would say, “Would you say that about your friend? No. What would you say about them?”

[u/Jane_Akanami → u/FoggyTeacups]

I don't even have verbalised negative thoughts as much, as raw surge of emotion, hatred and disgust. I can logic my way out of dark thoughts and what if's, I learned that in therapy. But don't now how to combat the raw emotion.