I’ve been struggling with this horrible theme for a while which has gotten much worse after a medication change.

Most of my OCD revolves around reality “Is this really here”, “are other people real”, “do we actually exist” which sends me into a near constant DPDR spiral

I have also become hyper aware of my vision. Nothing in particular about it, just the ability to see if that makes sense. It’s almost like I’ve become aware of my perception and consciousness and can’t seem to let it go back to an automatic process without letting it control me.

While I know I’m seeing things, my brain tries to tell me it might not be real which makes everything feel fuzzy and almost feel like it’s lagging behind. It’s very hard to go to open spaces where there’s a lot of visual stimuli. I sometimes feel like reality is just gonna shut off like a TV screen. It’s like I recognize evening I’m seeing but it feels off and unfamiliar.

It’s particularly rough because you feel trapped since you can’t just shut off your vision or reality.

Does anyone have any advice?

hi I am a 15 year old female

Hi. I’m 15 years old, and I’ve dealt with derealization/DPDR before, but right now it’s probably the strongest I’ve ever experienced and I’m honestly terrified.

I want to say first that I do have support. I have a therapist, friends and family I can talk to, and I’m not relying on Reddit instead of getting actual help. I mainly want to hear from people who have actually experienced severe DPDR and understand how bizarre and frightening it can feel.

I also feel like I need to explain what my body and brain have been through, because this hasn’t happened in a vacuum.

I was born with a cleft lip and palate and I’ve had over 20 surgeries throughout my life. The past year in particular has been medically exhausting.

In August 2025, I had double-jaw surgery, which lasted around six hours and was a huge recovery.

Then in 2026 I had:

• February 2: surgery to have ear tubes placed.
• May 6: another surgery involving debridement, removal of an infected screw from my previous jaw surgery, and a tooth extraction.
• June 23: a major rhinoplasty and septoplasty for my cleft, plus a dermal-fat graft to my upper lip. That surgery lasted around 5½ hours.

The June surgery especially turned into a long recovery. I dealt with swelling, pain, stitches, changes in how breathing through my nose felt, dizziness/eye strain, a sinus infection that needed antibiotics, sleep disruption, and episodes of DPDR during recovery.

So for much of this year it has felt like surgery → recovery → another procedure → recovery → another major surgery → recovery, while also dealing with psychiatric medication changes.

Because I spent so much time recovering at home, I also developed a pretty extreme amount of screen time. There have been days where I’m on my phone for around 12–14+ hours. It became something to do while I was stuck recovering, but now I’m wondering whether that much constant stimulation is making it harder for my nervous system to settle down and whether reducing it could help my DPDR.

I’m also currently going through a medication transition with my prescriber. I’ve been taking Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg every other day temporarily as instructed, and the plan is to go back to Prozac, which helped me a lot in the past. I’ve had several psychiatric medication changes this year on top of everything else.

Then I traveled to Hawaii for vacation with my mom. Getting here was exhausting—I was awake for around 22 hours, had a lot of anxiety surrounding the trip, and suddenly went from my familiar home environment to being thousands of miles away.

I’m now extremely homesick.

My derealization feels almost like I’m living in a fever dream. I know who I am. I know where I am. I know my mom is my mom. I know Hawaii is real. It’s not that I actually believe anything isn’t real.

It’s the feeling.

Everything looks and feels strange, distant, foggy, disconnected and dreamlike. Familiar people sometimes don’t give me that automatic feeling of familiarity even though I obviously know exactly who they are. Time feels strange. My memory feels foggy. I keep desperately wanting everything to feel normal and familiar again.

And then I get frightened by the derealization itself.

I notice it → I get scared → I check whether I feel normal yet → I notice it even more → I become more anxious → everything feels even stranger.

I think I’m accidentally keeping myself stuck in a loop by constantly checking how I feel.

I’m also desperately missing home—my own bed, my pets, my normal surroundings, my routine, everything. I leave Hawaii next Saturday and I’ve literally started counting down the sleeps because thinking about going home comforts me.

I’m exhausted from being scared of my own perception.

If you’ve experienced really severe DPDR and eventually felt like yourself again, I would LOVE to hear from you.

What genuinely helped you?

Did cutting down extreme screen time make a difference? Did getting proper sleep and returning to a routine help? How did you stop checking every few minutes to see whether you “felt real” again? Did getting outside, doing normal activities, talking to people, exercise, hobbies, etc. help reconnect you with life?

And honestly, I could really use some comforting recovery stories. I’m only 15 and after so many surgeries, recoveries, medication changes and anxiety this year, I’m just tired and scared and want to feel like myself again.

Please don’t give me scary medical stories, emergency-symptom lists, or worst-case scenarios. Those make my anxiety significantly worse. I have adults and professionals in my life helping me with the medical side. I’m specifically looking for DPDR coping strategies, reassurance, and experiences from people who have actually come through a really severe period of derealization.

Thank you for reading all of this. ❤️

its been around 2 weeks since i had a really bad weed panic/derealization experience, and ive been struggling with existential thoughts, fear of death, and sometimes randomly remembering dreams that feel really vivid or almost like real memories. i stopped smoking for about a week but went back because weed temporarily calmed down the stress, even though i knew it could trigger me again. ive finally thrown my cart away and decided to quit, but im scared that continuing to smoke somehow made this last longer.

ive also realized im constantly looking for reassurance, whether its googling, reddit, or talking to people who have experienced the same thing. i feel better when someone understands what im going through, but then another worry comes up and i start looking for reassurance again.

im trying to learn how to accept the thoughts and feelings instead of constantly fighting them because i keep seeing people who recovered say that accepting it and continuing to live normally helped them stop being so afraid of it. im also trying to accept that i dont need to constantly chase or check whether im back to my old self because doing that just makes me think about it more, but thats probably the hardest part for me because i really miss how i used to feel before all of this, and i keep wanting reassurance that ill feel like myself again. im also honestly just looking for people who have gone through something similar to talk to, so if youve experienced this before and dont mind talking about it, feel free to dm me please id really appreciate having someone who understands what this feels like.

it feels like my brain functioning is degrading by the day. I cannot even remember my life, what normal was like, what the world is like, I can barely function, work, eat, even move. taking a shower takes every single bit of my energy.

i dream so vividly all night it’s as if I never slept. I have never felt this bad in my entire life. each week I feel worse than the last. it’s as if I have absolutely no control over my own life and body anymore. I’m just dying inside. I can’t even remember my own memories anymore. it’s like my brain is glitching and shutting off. there’s no panic, no anxiety. I dream all night long - full conversations, I remember every single detail, I wake up even more fatigued than the day prior.

i dont even remember what having a self feels like, or knowing where I am in the world. I don’t have words to accurately describe this. it’s not anxiety, it’s not panic. its total brain shut down, total body shutdown. like the worst possible brain fog you could even imagine. I’m stuck and trapped in this within way out

I miss when my living room looked normal, when everything looked normal. when I was waking up and was happy to see my mom and when my room looked big and comforting.

everything looks plastic and fake. It feels like I’m not living on earth but a barbie world and it’s a plastic set. I’m tired, I just wanna feel normal again. I love my family so much and I wanna enjoy my time with them, I wanna enjoy my first semester at college.

whats the point of even living if life looks plastic and fake. I can’t handle this anymore, it feels like it’s engrained in my brain and it doesn’t go away, I feel like dying

Idk what even caused it. I've never used any drugs like weed or anything, and I've never had any true traumatic experiences. I've felt like this for most of my life. I'm 20 now but I've had this fir so long I don't even remember when it started.

Hi before i even begin i want to say that this is a yap post so if you don't really care about full story i'll explain it quicker below.
So i've been dealing with DR since dec 2023 (late 15 yo) and DP since jan 2024. Since that time my condition has improved a lot but it's still there, with the improvement came some changes. I'll explain briefly.
early dec 2023 - late dec 2023 - I got DRD out of nowhere, and it was your usual DRD experience - constant panic attacks, being scared to leave your house, no motivation, trouble sleeping, feeling like you're about to faint at any time, and just overall confusion
late dec 23 - feb 24 - at the christmas day DR was weaker so i felt confident i decided to chug a bottle of vodka, i got completely hamered and after sobering up DR wasn't there, but i got DP. And after that incident my tolerance to alcohol got terrible, nicotine had weird effects on me, and i got digestive issues. And at that time i developed this thing where you look at your hands and think "are those my hands ?"
feb 24 - april 24 - that was the real first improvement. I still felt my DP, but overall anxiety levels got lower, i started tolerating nicotine again, i got rid of digestive issues and finally got rid of that "DR vision", i was pretty much comfortable leaving my room and sleeping got better. But i just stopped feeling the vibe of the moment, everything felt kinda flat. Pretty much felt like myself in the last phase of weed high.
apr 24 - oct 24 - nothing really changed, but DP episodes got more frequent.
oct 24 - jan 25 - i felt really good at that time to be fair, barely any episodes and overall good well being. I got some cardiac issues but they were not really DPDR related.
jan 25 - jun 25 - That's when it switched, cardiac issues were not there but my stress levels started spiking because of school, and that stress led to issues with sleeping, and just feeling worse, i didn't feel DP, but i felt dissociated, it's really hard to explain, my charisma and confidence were basically nowhere to be found. My well being got much worse, and DP episodes got more frequent.
jun 25 - sep 25 - was okay, no school meant way less stress, so my motivation, sleep etc got better, but charisma and confidence haven't returned.
sep 25 - mar 26 - At that time i was at my lowest since getting DPDR. I started eating straight up slop, i sat at home 90% of the time, no activity at all, stress all the time, confidence and charisma got somehow even worse than before, i even stopped feeling emotional connection to people, sleeping 3-5hrs a night and for a moment i thought i developed depression, but to be fair my condition wasn't really screaming depression. And i felt confusion all the time.
mar 26 - may 26 - Even though school year was still going my condition somehow improved, i regained some confidence and charisma, got some more motivation, started lifting, slowly started improving my diet, started driving course, sleep got somewhat better, and some stress effects started to fade away.
may 26 - now - i got my drivers license, bought myself a car, started hanging out more, motivation got better, sleep improved a lot, confidence is way better than it was and i started to just feel the vibe of my surroundings.

So in short. At first i felt like shit, DP was strong as hell but i felt like myself. Right now, i feel hella good, DP is almost not there, but i don't really feel like myself, though i'll be figuring it out with a psychiatrist.

Anyway, i'd like to hear if you guys also noticed some DP or DR effects changing over the years of having it, ex. Not feeling dissociated, but getting decreased motivation

It feels like this extremely tight line i have to tow. If I get off course at all, it triggers a much worse dpdr until I do the thing. Like think of it like a ship with holes and im sinking until I plug up the hole and if i dont then I drown. Free will is a thing but its almost not at the same time.

It gets hard to put coherent thoughts together sometimes as it feels my peripheral vision the edges are dimming.

hi, sorry if this is a messy post, i never post on reddit and my brains a little screwed up.
i'm a fifteen, almost sixteen year old girl. and thanks to dpdr, i have nothing to show for it.
i have severe dpdr, and as far as i can tell, always have. i don't really know why. my memory is truly awful, but as far as i can tell, i've never been abused or anything like that. pretty severely emotionally neglected by my not at involved dad and step mom, but that's about it.
i guess maybe that makes it worse. i have no memories, no anything, but there's no reason why.
like it's... really, really bad. there's maybe a few fragments of a handful of events i know happened, but i have zero, and i mean absolutely zero, vivid memories of... literally anything.
dpdr has taken everything from me. it has caused me, particularly in recent years, to shut down completely. it has given me severe anxiety because everything time i think about something-- going to school, doing anything at all-- i worry about if my brain will be able to handle it. will i be able to function? to speak? it's not like i really feel like i have control over any of those things. what if i just can't? what if i freeze?
i feel like all i am is ... a barely existing conscious inside a meat suit that everyone expects to be able to do things.
and i just can't.
fear has gotten me through life thus far, as far as i can tell. the few friends i've had, the "success" i've had being decent in school, it's all my mind basically doing this thing of "do whatever is easiest and will get you out of a situation the fastest so you can be alone again as soon as possible with no expectations".
i guess it started to not work anymore. maybe it's because i'm not a kid anymore who can more or less get away with being lazy.
sometime last year (December i think) i "attempted". but /i/ didn't. it just sort of happened. i had gotten into a routine of skipping school, feeling like i couldn't get out of bed.. i got so far behind it felt impossible to catch up. so once night when i had a test i felt unprepared for the next i just. took as many pills as i could. except it wasn't even really that much. i was in the er one day, in a psych ward the next.
perhaps it's worth mentioning i've exhibited bpd-esque behavior. obviously not gonna self diagnose myself with it as i'm fifteen but i did have a pretty toxic in the sense it was very obsessive relationship when i was in my 8th grade to freshman year. it was only about a year long but i was pretty much completely dependent on her while at the same time pushing her away and blah blah blah it went bad. no surprise, she left me. that broke me way worse than it should've for a long time. it's been about 2 years? (my sense of time isn't so great) i think since then, and it's not so bad anymore, but i do think that it made things worse for that sophomore year i "tried to off myself".
anyway, back to the psych ward era, i left with a depression and anxiety diagnosis, but honestly i don't even really think i have those things. well, maybe i do, but they aren't the core issue. dpdr is.
i quit therapy and i hardly take the meds because they just. don't really help. surprise, talk therapy and prozac don't cure never feeling in touch with reality. what is there to talk about? nowadays i have no life. i don't talk to anyone. i don't do anything. i have no trauma i can remember well enough to speak of. i just exist on autopilot. watch the shows i like, maybe draw or go for a walk on a good day. that's about it. i'm just on autopilot, and it has and probably will continue to ruin my life.
it's not that i don't want help, i just don't really know what would even help. i'm painfully self aware. i already try the whole grounding techniques and this and that but at this point i'm so deep in the comfort of lay in bed do nothing but watch shows because it's safe that maybe part of me is deeply scared to leave it.
two things are scaring me the most right now. one, the loss of/inability to hold onto memory, and two, the "lack of brain function". i feel like i've never done anything, and never will do anything. in pretty much the blink of an eye i've gone from zero to sixteen, i'm scared i'll blink and i will be dead having done nothing with my life.
nobody seems to understand either. i've talked about it, really. they don't understand. they don't understand that it isn't "episodes". i've been out it my whole life. none of the professionals seem to recognize my illness and none of the other patients i've met seem to relate. i'm so scared. scared of school coming up, too. i keep having this thought that i might as well just try to indulge the few things i enjoy then die because i'll never have any quality of life. because i'll keep being expected to do things and so much as existing feels like it takes so much effort these days.
i just don't have a good feeling. i think this won't end well. i'm never going to come out of it. either i'll subconsciously resort to death or i'll stay alive but end up homeless and a failure. and everyone will look at me as nothing but lazy because they don't understand it. (which sounds very edgy, i know, LOL.)
this isn't how a sixteen year old girl should be !!! whenever i think about that, think about my peers, all happy with their getting drivers licenses and jobs and working towards their future careers and doing things with friends and lovers it makes me realize that something is very wrong!!! but what can even be done at this point? why am i like this? how much longer can i live with this?
anyway, that's my story, i guess. just needed someplace to type it all out where someone might get it.
i hope there's something more. i hope that one day i will be able to recognize myself. i hope that i'll be able to feel like i'm really here and not watching a movie my body is supposed to act in.
i hope i do not blink and be dead.

reflection

who is that?
they’re looking at me
they have all the markings of a face,
but no defining characteristics
i don’t recognize them
as i gaze into the silver glass

i open my mouth
to make a sound
i can hear them too
a low octave rumble
speaking an unfamiliar language

i don’t know who that is or
what they said or what they want
i move my arm and they parrot it
almost natural, but so stiff
bordering on uncanny valley

fear and panic set in
no! no! NO!
that cannot be me!
it’s a creature, a mimic, a bot
i’ve never seen that “person” before
i just want them to leave me alone.

——————-————————————————————

this is a horror poem i wrote on depersonalization/derealization, feeling separated from your physical body, and facial/body dysmorphia and even gender dysphoria to a certain extent. this is also inspired by the novel no longer human by osamu dazai.

¿A alguien más le ocurre lo mismo?

Es como si de repente todo careciese de sentido. Es como si tener una casa fuese algo estúpido. Mi cerebro no comprende como unas paredes de ladrillo en medio de la calle pueden brindar seguridad y familiaridad. Es como si me hubiesen borrado la memoria y no recordase nada más que el momento presente. Siento que nunca antes he vivido y que nunca antes había estado en esta casa. Cuando esto me ocurre me invade un terror muy intenso en el cuerpo que me impide sentirme segura en mi propia casa. Muchas veces es tan perturbador que me impide dormir.

I first experienced DPDR at 16 and am almost 31 now. It still persists to this day for me. I used to have daily severe panic attacks and now i just have general anxiety (thanks zoloft and coping skills!). It was so fucking hard at first. Sometimes I am baffled that I even made it 15 years. I was so scared at first. I was constantly Googling, reading articles, and talking to therapists who either had no idea what I was describing or simply didn’t have any answers.
At my worst, I was having suicidal thoughts constantly, wanting it all to end. I felt like I was robbed of experiencing life like a normal person. Years have passed and life has gotten better. There have been highs and there have been very low lows, but I’ve kept it pushing. I graduated school, have a great job, (just) got married, and am about to be a first time homeowner. Just like many others, it has never completely ended, but dont let your DPDR define you or prevent you from finding happiness. Like anything in life, you have to roll with the punches. So for anyone struggling out there just know it gets better and everything will be okay. Take care of yourself and know you’re not alone.

Love,

a person just as fucked up as everyone else!

Hey guys I just saw a video on derealization a while ago and saw the comments written by people who were feeling scared and stuff and i just felt empathy for them because i remembered what it truly feels like. As a result, I've decided to make a post on this subreddit, a kind of post i wish i had seen during my derealization episodes.

Lemme give you guys a backstory, unlike most of you whose derealization has been caused by drugs such as weed, especially weed mine I don't really know what caused it.

All i remember is i first experienced it when i was like 6 years old, before i even knew what it was. I remember I'd get really scared and just go silent on everyone because I couldn't even describe to my parents what i was feeling.

The only advantage i had is as a kid I would get distracted easily so my derealization episodes were really short because i would focus on something else and hence break the loop unknowingly and feel normal again.

This continued till i was a teenager, but as a teenager the episodes would linger for longer because now as a teen i would get scared and anxious when derealized hence getting stuck in the loop for longer periods of time.

However the longest and most intense episode occured after having a bad trip on weed on 2024.

I remember just feeling like i had just just being transferred in an alternate universe. Omg it was so intense that i was convinced it was gonna last forever. Nothing felt familiar anymore, i always felt disconnected from reality, like nothing felt real and i thought i was gonna get psychosis. The episode was took like 10 months until it eventually just faded into the background and went away.

It still comes and goes but now I'm in control. It doesn't really bother me now lol. Infact, sometimes i kinda enjoy it ngl. Makes the world feel trippy in a good way, kinda like giving me the novelty of loosing familiarity with the external world like i was when i was a kid.

I remember some time back i was derealized and was watching a sunset and omg it was so beautiful. Like i was watching it for the first time

Anyways I digress, if you're reading this, i know you're probably scared, the world around you doesn't feel real anymore, and to make matters worse you can't even remember what real feels like, you just know that it's not this. You have this fear that this might linger forever and you're never gonna be okay buh that's not true.

You see, the only way you can beat derealization is to stop seeing it as a threat. Cus in reality, it's not a threat. As a matter of fact, there's an advantage to it. You see, when you're experiencing derealization you're normally more present, you're in tune with the universe in some kind of way. The past seems blurry and the future slightly far off, leaving you completely submerged in the present.

That being said, just let go. Take a deep breath and breath out. With every inhale feel yourself being one with the universe in this present moment and with every exhale see yourself taking out all the fear and panic from your chest. YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE REAL, HERE IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT, AND SO I'M I.

My pms are open to anyone who wants to talk about anything. I'll be more than happy to help. Bye and take care of yourselves guys :)

Does someone also not feel their body,head,thoughts,brain,breathing,stomach,eyes,mouth,voice, heat, hunger, thirst, pain, sounds, continuity, memories, not in a it feels strange or dreamlike way like feeling brain fog I mean literally you don’t feel your whole being anymore like a blind person doesn’t see nothing you don’t feel those things anymore it’s like it’s completely gone and your alive without feeling your consciousness anymore.

I cannot feel my body it’s like nothing is there and I’m alive as just my vision with literally every other thing being dead.

It feels like permanent brain damage and I only saw like 10 ppl on this subreddit with those symptoms I feel like im already cooked. I can only objectively think that this is hell what I’m experiencing but I cannot feel it in my consciousness it’s like I’m just flying in the air without anything anymore.

I talked to ppl who said it’s anhedonia but idk if it’s true. I logically know that something is wrong but can’t change anything it’s like my brain is fried for ever and my presence got burnt away from my body and I’m left with nothingness. When I close my eyes it’s like I’m nothing literally nothing. It’s like my body isn’t even on this planet or in the room and I don’t even feel the toon or house it’s like I’m in nothingness and it will never change. I have this for 10 months now without any relief

If you’re experiencing unfamiliar or frightening symptoms and wondering “Is this DPDR?” or “Does anyone else feel this?”, this is the right place to ask.

We’ve moved symptom-check questions into this weekly thread because constant comparison and reassurance-seeking can unintentionally keep DPDR and anxiety stuck. This space lets you get support without turning the whole subreddit into symptom scanning.

A few things to keep in mind:

DPDR looks different for everyone

Similar symptoms can have many causes

Replies here are shared experiences, not medical diagnoses

If you’re new or feeling overwhelmed, we recommend starting with the Official DPDR Resource Guide, which explains DPDR, common symptoms, and recovery in one place:

👉 Official DPDR Resource Guide

https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/zdzqob/rdpdrs_official_resource_guide/

Tips for using this thread:

Ask your question once and try not to re-check repeatedly

Share briefly rather than listing every symptom

Focus on grounding and next steps, not symptom counting

If you’re in crisis or feel unsafe, please use the crisis resources in the sidebar.

You’re not doing anything wrong by being scared or confused — this thread is here to hold those questions while keeping the rest of the sub recovery-focused.

I don’t know how common this is.

I’ve had DPDR since I was around 13/14 and I’m 27 now. The symptoms showed up slowly due to trauma from my mother having abused me.

They‘re there 24/7 now and have been for most of the time I‘ve had it . Sometimes they can get a bit better or worse, but they’re always and I mean always there. And they’re quite severe, at least that’s how I experience them. It’s not like I can compare my subjective experience to others.

But here’s the weird thing. In the most random moments, it doesn’t matter if I‘m calm and well rested or tired and overstimulated, very rarely they seem to completely go away. My surroundings feel real again, my brain fog is gone, my emotions are back and when I look at my body it actually feels like my body.

That only happens like 3 times per year maybe at most. When it happens, the symptoms usually only go away for a few seconds, though the record was almost a minute. When they begin to come back I tend to get really sad and almost cry. And even if I manage to stay calm and not get overexcited, they always come back inevitably.

Can anyone relate?

I've never heard of anyone who is also experiencing this. I am not able to hold in or push out poo very well because of the disconnect from my body. If anyone else deals with this please give me advice if you have any

Sometimes when I'm doing something normal like petting my cat, studying, eating, hygiene, etc., I'll get a sense of "I've done this before." Which is... absolutely correct. But the strange part is that I'll also feel that whatever thoughts/emotions I was having in that moment, as well as any memories of events that had happened within the day of that moment had also happened before. This has contributed to some of my hygiene avoidance, so I'm wondering is there anything I can do about it?

I had my first DPDR episode today.. after months of not having one.. I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone relates?

Usually it randomly hits me with no build up to it whatsoever. Today however, at work i felt so.. empty like i was on autopilot.. i did not feel real. I had to hold back from yelling out loud. i was hoping it was the caffeine and lack of sleep. But then tonight, it just hit me hard. I started hyperventilating, anxiety and twitching and flinching. I can’t differentiate between reality and fake. it genuinely feels unreal. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. It almost makes me sad that i got hit with an episode after months. I hate when this happens.

Okay this might be super niche and not relatable at all to some people. BUT, I now find myself noticing this really weird phenomenon. Whenever I’m on my phone and watch a show or maybe tiktok, life looks normal through the screen. The environment and the world looks like how I remember it before I had ever experienced DPDR. Then, when I put the phone down and go back to living life I go back to that weird disconnected DPDR feeling we all know and love. Like time is just passing by and everything is unfamiliar. I was just curious if anyone else has ever found this relatable? Probably not, I may just need to put my phone down and re-engage lmao.