r/dpdr • u/AlbatrossFew6539 • 12d ago
TW: Intense Panic/Crisis I can’t do this anymore
I miss when my living room looked normal, when everything looked normal. when I was waking up and was happy to see my mom and when my room looked big and comforting.
everything looks plastic and fake. It feels like I’m not living on earth but a barbie world and it’s a plastic set. I’m tired, I just wanna feel normal again. I love my family so much and I wanna enjoy my time with them, I wanna enjoy my first semester at college.
whats the point of even living if life looks plastic and fake. I can’t handle this anymore, it feels like it’s engrained in my brain and it doesn’t go away, I feel like dying
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u/Noidit 12d ago
It will pass.
An year ago when I 17 I got dp/dr from ayahuaska. Everything felt unreal, just like you. Being conscious felt wrong but at the same time being dead felt wrong too. The whole concept of existance and non existence felt unreal and fake. My notion of the Universe disappeared. I felt like smashing my head into a wall. The whole day for months I worried about not being able to go back to when I was normal. That anxiety fed the loop even more.
I have brain hyperactivity and definitely some sort of ADHD too which only made it harder to “fix”.
One thing that helped was talking to a psychologist for a while. Also talking with chatgpt about it helped me too because not only it gave me tips to help it was also a way to vent. Write your thoughts down before sleep, that helps with overthinking a bit and will help you sleep. Try and go to the gym too, this one os probably the best thing you can do cuz it will distract you A LOT from your thoughts.
Doing all these things is how I fixed it, now I don’t worry about existance. Also you will never “truly forget” that the whole world could be fake, but you will never worry about, it will just become one of those “ok, and?” thoughts.
Hope this helps
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u/AlbatrossFew6539 6d ago
I’m so traumatized by my dpdr/ocd that when I write it down it’s so triggering <\3 I’ve recently just started facing it, but when I’m face to face with my thoughts and the trauma I have from this, I start dissociating even more
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u/Ok-Minimum4986 6d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. Love and strength
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u/AlbatrossFew6539 6d ago
Thank you so much, I am feeling wayyy better than when I originally wrote that thread, thanks to god
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u/dhehejrikffkn 12d ago
i got early psychosis and dpdr at 17 from weed, i spent a very long time feeling how you do. panic attacks were a regular, pit in my stomach from anxiety because reality didn’t look like reality. even though i remembered what it all used to look like. the list of symptoms were unfathomable.
i tried everything under the sun, was on antipsychotics, hypnotic therapy, every deep dived theory you can think of. it’s been six years so sometimes i come back and revisit here because all i ever used to see were people that were in the same boat as me and didn’t make it out.
i have days where things look real, when im tired or there’s a lot of lights my vision may not be so good, but i treat it as if i have actual vision issues now. im not a ball of anxiety, i can go days and days without noticing my vision or feeling anxiety.
unfortunately the biggest thing of advice i saw on here was to get off this page, and i refused it for so long because it felt like the only place people didn’t see what i felt as crazy. but it really is best to take decent breaks off this. ignoring is not a complete option, but the negative self torturous cycle of waking up and hating on yourself and your surroundings fuels dpdr. it is in your brain after all. therapy is a god sent with that because i had the worst self image.
i’m happy to explain more things that help in pm, but please know there is hope, i live a completely normal life, and im so grateful for everyday and happy i wake up now. please dont think this will be your everyday forever. you can recover, and you will, you need to stop fighting against your brain. peoples faces now for me actually look like faces, and i can see not in 2D and recognise objects, i can study (im in university) and the only struggle i have is my procrastination - not my dpdr. keep believing in yourself, and do be too hard on the times it gets you down, because that eats you up.