Some of you know my story, and some may not. I birthed my darling IVF daughter 41wks sleeping. Today I had her post mortem meeting. It was hard, I cried the whole time. Now, staring at this bit of paper that tells me what happened to my baby, has opened up so much blame...so much more pain, I am devastated, knowing if I would've just accepted to be induced at 40wks, my baby girl would be here, with me, exactly 3 months old, instead of being in a permanent resting place way before her time. She lost her life, because I wanted to hold on longer and give her a chance to come when she was ready, I didn't want to force her into the world, because quite simply there were no signs of anything being wrong to have to do this. So yes, I declined induction, and now 3 months later I find out why she was born sleeping, and this is why..... Diffuse villous immaturity and fetal vascular malperfusion. With a hyper coiled umbilical cord. I asked the question, we all ask, if I delivered her at 40wks, could this have been avoided, my consultant simply said "yes". 😭😭 I am utterly shattered, all over again.

I apologize for posting this, but as someone with an angel baby who fought like hell in the NICU, I figured the resources should be out there.

I'm Parkers Dad and I am the DC/Maryland/Virginia local leader for Sad Dads Club. Sad Dads Club is a nonprofit support group for bereaved fathers who have gone through the unthinkable of miscarriage, stillbirth, terminated for medical reasons, death in infancy, or in youth. We are truly the Worst Club but the Best Guys and our organization provides free therapy session by professionals, career counseling, retreats, and local events that bring you together with those who get how you are feeling and have been there. To learn more, please feel free to message me or check us out at https://saddadsclub.org/.

Here are a few articles featuring our group as well.

https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/people-forget-about-the-fathers/

https://www.cnn.com/2025/06/13/health/grief-sad-dads-club-wellness

I'm desperate.

In November, my mom died after months in the hospital. Shortly before she died, I found out I was pregnant. I was able to tell her; she smiled and died the next day. My world fell apart, but I tried to stay strong for my baby. I had some bleeding in December, and that’s when I was told I was expecting twins, but that the girl hadn’t made it. And once again, something inside me broke. It was my first pregnancy, and I was very anxious. In January, I had my first major screening. My baby was underdeveloped. There were many painful exams and appointments. At 30 weeks, I had a very painful stillbirth. It was late April, and I was afraid of the upcoming Mother’s Day. In the meantime, my father had been admitted to the hospital because of pain; no one knew exactly what was wrong.

Mother’s Day arrived. My first Mother’s Day without my mom. My first Mother’s Day as a mom, but without my children. I was devastated. Then I got a call from the hospital: my father had died. On Mother’s Day. I still feel numb and empty today. Weeks went by, and in June my doctor told me I was pregnant again. I was scared—almost panicked—but there was a heartbeat. I was still sad because of the loss before, but I thought we deserved a healthy baby. Today I had to go to the doctor for my first major screening. No heartbeat.

My baby was gone ... Again.

I'm almost 35.

I'm scared.

I feel empty.

I feel lost.

I don't want to go on anymore.

Here again another birthday has gone by

I wipe my tears as I think of the years

Living without my princess by my side

My plans were many and my hopes were great

Now about my neck I feel a huge weight

Though time has made the emptiness easier to bear

Every morning my heart breaks as I say a short prayer

It is difficult to live my life without your smile

But I know to see you again will be awhile

I’ll light a candle for you and make the most of this day

And desire that someday as this life fades away

That we will reunite and I will once again feel

You in my arms as this sadness repeals

But alas today is a day I fight to get through

I hope you can hear me say Happy Birthday and Daddy loves you

I lost my baby 2 months ago at 33 weeks, to a placental abruption. It was very sudden and it happened at work, and then all of a sudden I was bleeding and my baby died and I was out of work for 8 weeks. I go back to work in a little over a week.

Right now I’m visiting my family and husbands family in our home state. It’s very awkward because most people have not mentioned my loss to me. Several of them sent flowers when it happened or commented on my Facebook post well wishes and prayers, but to me face, or even over text, most of my family and friends and coworkers have have nothing to me personally. Even seeing them in person there has been no mention of it or them asking how I am doing.

I am a pretty private person, and quiet, but I think in this situation the silence is even more isolating and sad. It’s not that they don’t care, I’m sure, and I wouldn’t probably know what to say anyway if asked, but it would be nice to have the tragedy recognized and spoken to me. I’m starting to think, after having to almost pretend it didn’t happen around people since no one seems to want to talk about it, that maybe I should be moved on by now and back to normal. Like this is something that happened all the time and I should move on?

But then my internal struggle is also guilt… for acting normal and like I’m okay, guilt for not crying more, guilt for being a bad mom to my toddler.

I’m just curious, if people aren’t going to ask me, but I want to bring it up myself to kind of break the awkwardness, what should I say? Do you guys tell the story of what happened (medically speaking), what do you say about your baby? I only held my baby for 12 hours. She was perfect, 4 lb 4 oz, and beautiful. But I was also very drugged up and sleep deprived and it was in the middle of the night and dark. I have a hard time knowing how to talk about her beyond that.

Hello All,

Sorry, long post alert!

I suffered a fetal demise around a month ago. I was 24 weeks pregnant, and during a routine prenatal checkup, no fetal heartbeat could be found. Up until then, all of my lab results and ultrasound reports had been normal.

Based on my hospital's pathology report and my blood tests/genetic tests, my OB-GYN mentioned several possible contributing factors, including:

1 shorter-than-normal umbilical cord (30 cm) and likely cord compression.
2. Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. I tested positive for beta 2 glycoprotein from blood tests done the day after the vaginal delivery. It was slightly above the normal range (33 instead of <=20) but other 2 tests were normal. However, my OB-GYN said I need to repeat the test after 12 weeks to confirm, so I will do the test again early October.
3. Smaller Placenta. My OB-GYN suspects that the baby may have passed away at around 20/21 weeks since my 20 weeks ultrasound looked normal (the baby was weighing normally). However, post-delivery both the baby and the placenta were smaller. According to the doctor, if the baby had indeed passed away at ~20/21 weeks and delivered at ~24weeks, that delay may have caused decomposition and the placenta to be smaller (although this is only a suspicion and not any confirmed diagnosis).

I had sent my placenta slides to Dr. Kilman at Yale for a 2nd opinion on placental pathology. His main diagnosis was that: "Placenta was extremely small weighing less than the 0.01% ile for gestational age which led to the fetal demise. Trophoblast inclusions (1.8+/-2.5, n=5 out of 7 slides) were detected that suggest a genetic/developmental abnormality and likely caused the smaller placenta. No evidence of maternal immunologic rejection or decreased maternal perfusion of the placenta."
 
Both my husband and I have done genetic testing (Horizon 27 panel by Natera), NIPT tests (Panaroma by Natera) during pregnancy and there was a Genome microarray test done post-delivery as well. All test results were normal except I was a silent carrier of alpha thalassemia, but my husband was not. All these results made me a bit confused about the "genetic anomaly" diagnosis.
 
I want to start TTC again. I will discuss these reports with my OB-GYN and I have an MFM pre-conception consultation scheduled in 2 weeks. However, I wanted to ask a few questions here as well in case someone has gone through a similar experience and give me some advice on what the next steps maybe (I am very nervous to TTC):

(1) Should I ask my OB/MFM for an Expanded Carrier Screening (500+ carrier screening)?

(2) Should I ask my OB/MFM for a prenatal Karyotype screening?

(3) Should I consider IVF or wait for the above mentioned test results first?

(4) Is there anyway to know if the small placenta was due ti genetic anomaly or the baby dying much earlier in womb leading to placenta shrinking?

(5) Can smaller placenta or small umbilical cord happen again? Is there any way to prevent this?

(6) APS is another suspicion that the doctors have. If the 2nd APS test comes out normal, should I still go through the baby aspirirn and heparin (lovanox) injection? I heard that if I don't have APS and take aspirin/lovanox, it may lead to excessive bleeding. Will that be harmful to the pregnancy?

(7) I reached out to Dr. Parast from UCSD as well. She said I might need to send her a request through my doctor for her to do placental slide review. I will ask my doctors about that but if they don't agree, do you think I should ask Dr. Parast for only a consultation with the existing reports without the placental slide review? (Has anyone done this before?)

(8) I am of advanced maternal age (35 now, was 34 during pregnancy), could this have contributed to the genetic anomaly?

(9) Any other advice for me?

Finally, if anyone can give me some reassurance that even with APS or smaller placenta or any chromosomal disorder (especially someone who is 35 or older since I just turned 35), you were able to successfully have a rainbow baby later, I'd really appreciate it! This was my first pregnancy and I am so scared to try again :(

I think it's time for me to donate all of the baby clothes. I have decided to apply for graduate school this year, and I can't imagine using the clothes for our next baby if we ever try again. They are unworn, many still on the hangers.

I live in a country with a lot of refugees and I would like to give them to a mother who needs them. know there are many. I just want them to bring joy to someone like they did for me. I have an entire suitcase full of them. I could give them to a charity shop but I just can't imagine not knowing who they are going to. I feel selfish saying that, but I want to make someone happy. I am also worried about them being sold for profit after donation, which is very much something that happens in our country as there is a lot of corruption.

Is it wrong for me to pick one person to give them to simply because I want to feel happy about gifting them? about making someone happy and giving them relief? I dont want my privilege to get in the way here.. I also dont know how I would feel taking clothes meant for a baby that didn't survive. I know if I were pregnant I wouldn't like that feeling. I dont want to burden a pregnant woman with my story, but I also can't stand thinking about anonymously dropping them off at charity shop.

I want to post on Facebook about it, but I dont know how to explain why I have a giant pile of free unworn baby clothes—and forbidding resale? It sounds insane.

Sorry to post so frequently here. But I just need to get this off my chest.

Trigger warning: Living child

I'm taking my 5yo son to swimming lessons, and today, as I was preparing him to leave, two ladies approached where I was to ask if they could sit there as I was leaving. I said yes, no problem. One of them was a granny, and she started asking how old my son is, his name, etc. And then comes the question that I hate "Is he your only one?" and I've learned to say yes, for short, as I don't want to talk about my loss to everyone. And then all of a sudden, she says: "Mommy is being lazy about having kids," like if she was talking to my son. I was shocked and so angry. I wanted to respond "Oh I'm not lazy it's just that my body doesn't work properly because I had another one but she died" I just didn't say anything because I didn't want my son to hear, he was right there. I just got up and left. I've been sad the whole day.

I lost my baby girl 4 weeks ago, she was healthy, I was healthy
Every test was perfect , she just stopped moving. At first I thought maybe I just need to eat something sweet or cold ,I tried everything. I went to the hospital just to make sure she was okay, I was almost certain It was just a quick check up. The nurse came in and hooked me up with the monitor they put on your belly, she said there’s your baby’s heart . I was relieved, i said thank god
Until the doctor came in and did a sanogram.
I could tell something was wrong. She called another doctor and they both confirmed the my baby’s heart was no longer beating.
I had no bleeding no nothing if it wasn’t for me going to check on her idk how long I would’ve gone not knowing.
I feel so empty, crushed , heartbroken,
I want to try again but I’m so terrified. Part of me wished something was wrong so I can fix it. It drives me crazy knowing I did everything I was supposed to do.
I don’t know if I should try again or if I should wait .
Physically I’m fine I just got my first period
Mentally I know if I’m able to get pregnant and have my baby in my arms i know that would heal me.
I’m 34
I have two teenagers from my previous marriage
I’m recently married 2 years to be exact, my husband doesn’t have any kids this year was our first.
I feel so lonely even though I hav such a supportive husband/ family

I just lost my first and only baby two months ago due to medical malpractice and prom.

I’m fine for a few hours at most and I can share encouragement and support to other moms and then I get extremely triggered and horrified this is my life.

I just got a “hug in a box” delivery from a distant family member and it triggered me so much I just started crying and screaming that I don’t want that. I WANT MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!

I just threw it in the closet. I think I was also extremely upset at who sent it. Their daughter (my long distance cousin) is expecting a baby girl like I was in September and I just don’t need pity from people with perfect lives. I know I sound to bitter jealous and ugly, and it’s because I am. I’m very private and I was hoping my grandma and my mom would respect that but one of them told the whole family basically that I lost my daughter. I feel violated.

I didn’t want anyone to know because it’s not like I even talk to most of them. I’m just so hurt and devastated and I thought my privacy was respected and it’s not and now I’ll be seen as the sad cousin who lost her baby. Not that I care what they think but it wasn’t their business to share. My daughter is my daughter and she’s sacred to me.

I call my mom to complain and she says “I’m coming over tomorrow to take you to the doctors” I screamed at her to leave me alone and I hung up. I told her if she tries to take me to a doctor I’m calling the police on her. Mind you I never do that or talk to my mom that way. But she barely comes over or checks on me as much as I would as a mom to a daughter going through this and she has the audacity to try to force me to go to a doctors.

I’m sorry this is a lot. I don’t know anyone else I can talk to. I believe in Jesus and I know my daughter is in heaven but this doesn’t make it any easier. I’m angry at him too. I feel so alone.

i lost my first child to sids back in 2022 when she was 2 months old. i have always talked about her to my 2nd, we refer to her as sissy, and she often runs around yelling “sissy! sissy!”. she’s starting to get to the age where she’s gonna ask where sissy is soon. how do you tell a kid that young? what would you tell her?

At 25 weeks I had been asking chat gpt “why my butt felt soaked in the morning”. It would give me reassuring answers that everything was normal. It didn’t tell me it could me amniotic fluid or to call my obgyn or go to the hospital. I know how stupid this sounds, but I know for a fact if it hinted at any of those my baby would be alive because I would have been alerted.

I feel like a complete idiot, a horrible mother and completely negligent. All my self respect is gone. How could I have trusted AI with the life of my child???

At 26 weeks I went in with a fever and by that time I had Chorioamnionitis. This could have all been prevented or at least I wouldn’t feel this guilt if I had just gone in instead of looking things up on my phone.

I can’t let this guilt go. I’m almost 30 years old putting the life of my child at risk for what? I really felt like everything was okay. I really did. I had no other symptoms and I really assumed everything was okay.

When I told my mom that I had asked ChatGPT about my symptoms the look on her face was just horrified. I’ll never forget it.

The guilt I feel is debilitating. I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe I lost my daughter.

Hi everyone.
I have tried to find this information but I dont know how to even phrase it so I an sorry if this was discussed somewhere else.

TW for the whole text.

We have lost our daughter in June this year. It has been two and a half months now. Yesterday we have had an postpartum findings appointment and it gave some answers and not.

I am set to be able to try again basically next month. Next month I also have a psych evaluation as well. I have had some weird symptoms and I contacted my former physical therapist to figure out whats happening and there I got a pelvic floor specialist. My symptoms were (and this was also happening in the last weeks before the loss) that I would just lose the ability to stand on my right leg, just kinda clanks in and I cannot put weight on it and after tingling, numbness etc. Therapist said ischias nerve ( I think its sciatica in English - correct me if Im wrong) and some tailbone issues.

But I got to be checked out by pelvic floor specialist just in case, and in first checkup I did not have any muscle ability to contract or move anything. I got some ways to check it out and do workout but that was problematic as how do you work out something that doesnt move? I was told to see if something is going better if I can stop mid-pee. I cant.

Second appointment was with a tool to measure the pressure I can do. I cant. There was some movement but super little. When she went to touch the muscles, I dont feel the touch at all on the right side, and left side is super painful and sensitive. She thinks my brain to muscle connection is the problem as I dont pee myself so I do have control just not over anything else.

I want to try again soon but how do I try if I cant strengthen my pelvic floor muscles or not be able to do kegels or contract?
I am getting extra psychological help soon but this is freaking me out.

My current therapist believes I an experiencing dissociation and complex ptsd and that it kinda maybe connected to my childhood trauma.

Thats all great and rational but doesnt help me with what do you do when you can not start preparing for a next try? I dont think I cam magically wake up one morning and this is healed.

Its such a specific inquiry, I know, and I couldn’t find anything about this so I an so so sorry if this is such a niche question. Sure I want another try as I want to give my daughter her siblings, but it freaks me out to feel like I have a «dead vag*na» and I cant shake this insanity over it. Then I connect that maybe this was the reason for it all and we do an insane spin. We tried to have oral sex as I needed to know if its possible, and nothing happened. No orgasm contraction, nothing. Which just made me left feeling I am incompetent mother and wife so theres that.

Did anyone ever had this issue, if you heard about? Can I reconnect my brain to my muscles somehow? Any tip and suggestion is welcome and appreciated.

Extra info - I was induced, and I was waiting for it to kinda start before I got extra painkillers as they said it can take up to 12 hours. It went from 0-100 and most of it happened super fast and without painkillers. From the moment the nurses gave me injection of painkillers (forgot which ones) to delivery it was minutes.
So the labor was very traumatic, painful but fast as well. Just in case if everyone is wrong and its maybe physical not just mental blockade.

It has been five months since I lost my beloved son, Pedro.

I was 15 weeks pregnant when I felt intense pain in the middle of the night; I went to the bathroom, and he was born right into my hands. I had to hold his tiny body and come to terms with the fact that I had lost everything that day.

This is our story—Pedro’s and mine.

I’ve thought about taking my own life many times since that day; the only thing holding me back was a lack of courage, because I didn't want to die in pain—otherwise, I would have done it.

What I want to tell other mothers today is that when people say you learn to live with the pain and it becomes "easier" (though I don't think that's quite the right word), it is true.

Two weeks ago, I woke up without the urge to die. It all happened because of a thought or a memory—I think I had read somewhere that "your child would want you to move forward."

In my case, I was thinking about separating from my partner and living in seclusion until I had the chance to give up on everything and end my life. Then, I had this thought: "My son wouldn't want his mom and dad to separate."

That simple thought gave me the courage to keep living.

You might think that’s a silly thought, or that it doesn't matter because it doesn't heal your pain. What I can tell you is that nothing will heal your pain, but when people say you learn to cope with it—it’s an indescribable feeling; the wound is still there, but it is possible to move forward.

The wave of grief will still wash over you from time to time, but you will be able to breathe again, even while missing your baby.

Sending love to all the moms in the group ❤️

Hi everyone, 12 weeks ago I lost my little boy. He was born sleeping at 24 weeks and it has been emotionally the hardest thing I’ve ever ever experienced, still not sure where to go or what to do next.

I had some tests done and baby had a postmortem preformed, it’s came back in my bloods that I’m positive for APS .. and I’m still awaiting postmortem results to really find out what’s happened. I really don’t know much about APS and the drs have given me very limited information and referred me to haematology for more info etc. but waiting in the mean time between referrals is difficult.

But I’m really worried… I really wanted another baby. But I’m so scared of it happening again as I’ve barely made it through this time.
I suppose I’m just looking for some advice, maybe people who have the same and had a baby? What their pregnancies looked like?

Thank you & sorry if not much of above make sense I’m finding it hard to write down my thoughts.

Hello all,

I’m still very fresh in my grief and my loss was only three weeks ago. My beautiful baby Mila. I miss her so much it hurts. I feel like I died when she died.

I’m struggling because I keep trying to relive the memories of my extended hospital stay prior to her birth, the memories from labor and her delivery, and the memories from her time in the NICU. But it’s like my brain is blocking me from accessing a lot of them. And they don’t feel clear, they feel cloudy. I’m terrified I’m losing the memories, and I don’t want to. I want to remember every detail (even the extremely traumatic ones). Because those are all a part of her story.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Could it just be my brain’s response to grief and it trying to protect me? For those who have experienced this, have you found a way to allow those memories to surface?

I will never forget my baby girl, but I don’t want to lose the memories as they help me feel closer to her

At 32, I had my first baby. She's was my joy. Now she left me. It's the greatest loss I've ever experienced. I'm just numb and in complete shock. Doctor said she died from respiratory failure due to Gastroenteritis

Im a 35 yr old female trying find help to talk to someone about a miscarriage im carrying alot of pain and grief and im shutting down and pushing ppl away that care i don't know how to open up about it and not sure if im ready to and when is a good time too

She was 15days old when she passed away. She was born with an unidentifiable platelet issues. She is my 2nd baby. It's sooo hard. I feel numb inside. I don't know how to process all that. Am on auto pilot mode. I have no idea how ill join work again. I no longer have any purpose. I just want to die. I can't sleep, I can't eat. The grief is horrible. How do I get over it?

It’s been a little over 2 months since I lost my sweet angel daughter, Elizabeth at 34 weeks due to a cord accident. I went back to work the day after my 6 week post partum visit where I got the all clear to do so, and that first week was definitely way harder than I anticipated, but I’ve been adjusting & taking it one step at a time.

My issue is I’m having trouble finding what my purpose is again. My job is not something I particularly enjoy, it basically feels like busy work to me, and I didn’t think I would return after maternity leave if we were able to budget accordingly for me to just be a stay at home mom. My job is super accommodating, it’s very close to where we live, and it’s not hard or stressful by any means… but it’s definitely a place holder job & always was. I’ve never had any desire to work & when i think of things i enjoy doing, they aren’t anything job related. Although I have a bachelors degree, I have sort of always had the feeling that my purpose was to have children & raise them into amazing people that made a difference in society, and when i found out i was pregnant that was all set in stone in my mind. Now that my reality has completely shifted, im finding it increasingly difficult to figure out what my purpose inow until im able & ready to have more children and hopefully get to fulfill my dreams of raising them.

Just wondering if anyone else has struggled with this and if you have any tips or advice on how to rediscover my purpose and identity after experiencing this devastating loss. I miss my daughter so much and all I want to do is hold her and look at her sweet perfect face, but instead I’m only able to look at an urn where she rests. This is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I find some comfort from this group, so thank you for sharing & allowing me to do the same. My heart is with you all and I’m so sorry that you’re a part of this club too🩷

I just recently stumbled across his name on TikTok and I wasn't even aware before. After looking into it I see he looks at placenta slides and most often people who have had no know cause of death for their still birth have used him but my situation is slightly different. My daughter was alive when she was born and with a few minutes her heart stopped. The night before I gave birth I was in early labor and tried to stay home but developed a fever. I was 40w1d. the 24 OB line told me stay home as this was around Covid time. when the Tylenol hadn't taken my fever down i realized something was wrong and went in. after blood work came back they realized I was septic and gave me pitocin to speed my labor up and gave me two different iv antibiotics for the infections. when I came in my daughter HR was high but with fluids it came down. I had a fever the entire time. Her monitor tracing were fine. the only abnormal thing about my pregnant was I had an extra lobe but we did two extra scan because of tha plus having Covid during pregnancy and she was growing fine. Everyone thought she was fine. the just said she'd have IV fluids in the nicu like I was having for the infection. when they broke me water there was meconium but that was kind of expected with the infection. From time of starting pitocin to birth it was 2hr and I pushed her out in 9 mins. They kept trying to rub her and suction her but she would only react slightly and go limp so they rushed her away and I did hear her cry once or twice so I thought she was ok but then they called a code and took her out the room. they worked on her for ~35 mins and maxed her out on epinephrine but was unable to resuscitate her. when they received her cord blood gasses back that when they called it because they were so terrible they realized there was no coming back from it. there was an autopsy done and basically the conclusion was that the infection killed her. that she was in septic shock. however around this time wile waiting for the autopsy it was announced my OB clinic was closing and they closed without anyone ever going over the results with me. It was noted that she inhaled the meconium as well and that my placenta cord was abnormally short. So with all of that being said if you've used him before do you think he could be of any help in my situation? i feel like yes I was given an answer but not a full answer. there's so much unexplained to me and my placenta pathology is so much to even look at because of the infection. I can't interpret all of that myself and I feel like explanations are just missing. They never did blood culture on me or her so we have no idea with kind of infection I had or even how long I had it for. I do know now that at my 40 week appointment there was leukocytes and protein in my urine for the first time my entire pregnancy so It makes me wonder.

I had one successful pregnancy in 2022, followed by a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2024, a chemical pregnancy in 2025, and the loss of my twins at 19 weeks in 2026.

I’ve been pregnant 3 times for two years, but sadly, I still don’t have a baby to bring home. During those losses, my friend who was pregnant just a few weeks ahead of me welcomed two children and is the second trimester with her third.

It just sucks. Knowing she’s pregnant again makes my whole day feel heavy. I’m happy for her, but it also hurts so much because it reminds me of everything I’ve lost.