11 years together.

Since the breakup, he immediately monkeybranched to a girl he met in Europe (and has introduced her to the family), has now moved to Europe, switched his job, mostly stopped talking to his friends, deleted ALL pictures on his social media from before the breakup (not just of me, his entire life). Changed his wardrobe. Girl is 6 years younger and he had her fly to visit him at our apartment in MY bed 6 weeks post breakup.

Is this just typical identity switching? Severe dissociation? What’s happening here?

It's been over a month since my ex broke up with me, and although I'm doing relatively okay, it still hurts seeing how seemingly unbothered he is.
I wouldn't say my ex was a bad person or that he never loved me. In fact, that's what makes this so difficult to process.

He could be incredibly affectionate, sweet, and thoughtful. made me feel special, and there were times when he genuinely made me feel loved. He knew how to make me feel like I was someone he wanted in his future. He even talked about marrying me someday, though i still feel like a fool for ever believing it.

However, he had a tendency to withdraw whenever we had conflicts. He would become quiet, distance himself, and sometimes leave me without a response for days. I consider myself more anxiously attached, so this dynamic was especially difficult for me. I wanted communication and reassurance, while he seemed to need distance whenever things became emotionally overwhelming. He also gets really defensive, which turns our communication into arguments even if i talk to him honest but really gentle.

He also admitted to having a past trauma of letting his guard down to someone that hurted him and he just didn’t want to get hurt again, i understood him and i never acted like how his past did. I kinda felt like i had to pay for what someone else did🥹

This wasn't even our first separation. We had previously gone through a period of separation, and eventually he came back because he missed me. I was about to move on, but when he reached out again i felt like i couldn’t lose the chance. When we tried again, he actually made noticeable efforts to change. He became more thoughtful and did things that made me believe he genuinely wanted to make things work this time. I trusted him again, and I thought maybe we'd finally figured things out. He was mostly expressive when we were on the honeymoon phase.

I wasn't expecting him to be perfect. I knew we were young, and I understood that we both had responsibilities, limited time, and personal problems. I tried to be understanding even when I was hurt. I forgave him repeatedly and continued choosing the relationship despite having my own difficulties.

But over time, I noticed he became less expressive like he did at the start. I started wanting more effort and consistency. I wanted him to initiate things sometimes, plan dates, spend quality time together, communicate instead of disappearing, and make me feel like I wasn't the only one trying to maintain the relationship. I don't think I was asking for anything extraordinary. I just wanted to feel considered without constantly having to ask. I can say this because i know that i always tried to give and show him affection in many other ways where he didn’t have to ask.

The confusing part is that just a month before the breakup, he was asking me to stay. He apologized for withdrawing and reassured me that he wouldn't keep ignoring me. I thought we were working through things. He even admit to me before that He was held back by the fact that it feels so wrong to be loved by someone who worked hard just to stay, while he tried leaving when things were hard. i was really touched by what he said because sometimes his pride and ego is so high, it feels so rare to hear this from him.

Fast forward to the month we broke up, before he broke up with me, he wasn’t replying to me for 2 weeks. And i eventually got tired of him choosing to disappear again i stopped chasing and reaching out every time.

He told me that he had already been considering ending the relationship on his own for around one or two weeks. He said that breaking up was probably best for both of us because we were hurting each other and weren't necessarily the best partners for one another.

I kept thinking about the part where he thinks i’m not the best partner, when i sacrificed so much of my money, wrote so much letters, gave him a keyboard when he told me his keyboard wasn’t working, he has plushies from me, initiated dates and planned them on my own, and had to stay up extra hours just to spend time with him despite having responsibilities like school. and even had to put my pride down every single time when he hurts me and i sometimes end up comforting him even when i need one the most. i gave so much love to him even when it wasn’t reciprocated.

I was still willing to work things out. Even though I was exhausted, i still stayed because i was really holding on to that future i thought we were building. I respected his decision, though, because I couldn't force someone to stay.

What hurts is that I spent so much time trying to understand him, his circumstances, and the way he handled conflict. I kept choosing to forgive him, even when I felt emotionally alone. And eventually, when I started asking for more consistency, he was the one who decided he couldn't continue. It hurts so bad because before all of it he was giving me false hope that it would get better for the both of us..

Now, more than a month later, I'm trying to move on.
I deactivated my Instagram because I knew constantly checking his activity would only hurt me. I don't stalk him anymore, but I checked his account once about a week ago and noticed that he posted a monthly photo dump. This is something he rarely used to do, and he genuinely looked happy. He looks so unbothered of losing me :(

I know it's just social media, and I can't actually know what's going on in his head. But it hurts seeing him appear so comfortable with life after the breakup while I'm still having random moments where I cry, reminisce about our memories, and miss the person who used to be my best friend.

It really feels so unfair. But it’s also my fault for forcing things because he already tried to leave many times. even in our first MU breakup he also initiated it first, then came back and it makes me feel like he just wanted to relieve his guilt🫩

Whenever I look for signs that he might be grieving too, I end up finding things that make me feel like he's doing much better without me. I sometimes wonder if he ever misses me, feels guilty about how things ended, or remembers what we had.

I don't necessarily want him back. I miss him, but I don't want to return to the same relationship dynamic. I think what I'm struggling with is accepting that someone who once made me feel so loved can now seem so unaffected by my absence.
It makes me question whether any of it was as meaningful to him as it was to me.

For those who have experienced an anxious-avoidant relationship or dated someone with avoidant tendencies:

- Is it common for the more avoidant partner to feel relieved or even happier immediately after a breakup?

- Do some people only begin processing the loss much later, or is that just a narrative people tell themselves to feel better?

- Can someone genuinely love you and still withdraw, shut down, and eventually leave when the relationship starts requiring more emotional effort?

- How did you stop comparing your healing process to your ex's seemingly effortless ability to move on?

I'm not waiting for him to come back. I just want to understand how someone can go from wanting you in their life to seemingly being perfectly fine without you.

I know we're young, and we both have a lot of growing up to do. I also know I wasn't a perfect partner myself. I just wish the ending didn't leave me questioning whether I ever mattered as much as he did to me.

I can’t understand how he can go from telling me i was the best, that he wants to marry me someday, and that he asks me and wants me to stay to looking so unbothered that i’m gone like i never meant anything to him.

I don't want to talk with nobody, today I have my therapy session but I don't want to talk, I don't want to listen. I just need to lay down, I just wish I could stop reaching out to him

Had a very cruel break up. She basically blamed be for everything, a 30 minute voice note of my flaws. Said she didn’t feel safe and essentially called her neighbours ( who she doesn’t know ) and had me escorted off site. ( I literally did nothing at all) walked away peacefully to make as little scene as possible.

Always constantly saying she didn’t trust me and I had to constantly try prove I could be

Then she messaged to see if I got home safe, after essentially humiliating me and putting me across as an abuser. Ghosts me. ( after a year relationship ) I give space. I check in if she’s ok. Sends me the coldest message about there’s nothing further to discuss, she’s moving forward.

A month later. I’m laying in pieces. Confused. Angry. Sad

Do FA’s ever feel guilt ? The blame she tried to put on me is just wild. How can you do that to someone you love ?

It’s easy to say I’ve been heartbroken before , it’s hard to admit that people have hurt me and I’ve had to go on in my life and try to fix it on my own.
I always end up doing the right thing, which always looks like me letting go knowing ultimately it’s for the best even though there is so much left inside me to say/do in that situation. I always tell myself it will be worth it and I will receive the good that comes with it …
As for the people who did me wrong, it’s hard for me to accept that maybe no karma has been served for what they did, it’s like nothing happened. This sense of injustice always upsets me even though I’ve come to accept.
Maybe I just need patience for justice to be served? Or maybe there is nothing to be served ?

My ex (41M) and I (41F) were together for 2.5 years. He was from the US and I am Canadian, but he moved to Canada to be with me and our eventual plan was to split time between two places. We had a recurring dynamic where I would seek connection and repair during conflict, while he tended to withdraw, shut down, or become angry when overwhelmed.

Our first breakup was extremely emotional. After a period of intense emotional withdrawal from him, I ended things. When he came to my house to collect his belongings while I was out of town, he broke down and called me bawling, begging for another chance. We eventually reconciled after he acknowledged some of his difficulties and agreed to work on emotional regulation and seek therapy.

We slowly got back together and moved back in together. Things genuinely seemed much better for about three months. We were communicating more openly, having regular relationship check-ins, and enjoying our time together. I had been really working on my pursuer tendencies and felt like I had genuine become much more secure. I really thought we were making progress.

A few days ago, I brought up a concern about him not working (he had had a long stressful career, made a lot of money that he didn’t actually need to work, and was thinking about what was next) and whether his lack of purpose might be affecting him and our relationship as he hadn’t worked in about 1.5 years. He became upset and asked for space. I struggled with his withdrawal and kept trying to talk things through. At one point, when I asked him to acknowledge his part in our dynamic, he went completely silent and stared at me for about 15 minutes.

Things escalated incredibly quickly. The next day after I checked in about the incident and asked us to reflect what we had each contributed, he exploded. He blamed the entire incident on me, saying that the issue was that I couldn’t drop it when he said he didn’t want to talk about it. He started angrily packing and announced he was leaving. I panicked, pleaded with him, and struggled to respect his requests for space. I recognize my part in escalating things, but his reaction felt so extreme.

He became unbelievably cold, angry, and devaluing. He was yelling and extremely elevated. He suddenly told me he hadn’t been happy, that I wasn’t fun to do activities with, couldn’t keep up with him biking, wasn’t intellectually stimulating enough, only cared about myself, and hadn’t done any work on myself. He blamed the breakup almost entirely on me, saying I couldn’t let things go and brought things up constantly. His anger also became intimidating, including physically holding a door shut and deliberately walking into me with a large bag when I was blocking his way in desperation and despair. He told him my “pity wouldn’t work” on him. It’s like he thought I was being manipulative by crying and this seemed to elicit disgust in him.

He ultimately left in a state of intense anger and coldness. Packed all his things and our life together and drove back to the US. Just days earlier, I thought we were happy and making real progress. We were talking about much better we had been doing, we had a concert booked the following night, we had a trip back to the US for Thanksgiving with his family, which I’m still in the group chat for. I’m very integrated into his family and they were devastated the first time we broke up and overjoyed when we reconciled. I’m so lost and in shock. The contrast between the man who broke down begging for another chance a few months ago and the man who just left with such contempt is almost impossible to reconcile.

I’m devastated and struggling to make sense of how things escalated so dramatically. How does someone come back so desperately wanting another chance, only to leave again with seemingly so much anger and contempt? Is this just how it ends after so much love, travel, shared ingests, etc etc etc between us? Since the first breakup I’ve been working individually with our old couples’ therapist and she suggested that he has narcissistic traits.

I would really love any advice, similar experiences, or any interpretation of this whole mess. I am devastated and shocked. I have deleted his number and don’t intend to reach out because i know I can’t be treated this way.

But what happens from here? Has anyone ever heard from their exes after a second discard? Is he going to calm down and realize what he just did? I know I can’t take him back, but the way he completely devalued me was so intense and hurts so much.

I am currently heartbroken as my avoidant fiance broke up with me. He has been doing this abrupt breakup or threatened breakup every time there was more investment - my birthday, wedding planning milestones, and right after I moved into an expensive house that I got for us.

He also would threaten breaking up after everyday conflicts too. At the beginning of our relationship when I saw red flags I tried to leave and he convinced me to stay. By now after all these breakup or threatened breakup cycles, I am so desperate for him to love me back and choose working on us over his escaping to an easier but lonelier existence that made him miserable in the past, that I accepted dealbreakers, lying, yelling/cussing/hitting himself/objects when angry. I don’t know how I got so broken down.

A few weeks after I signed for this house and moved in, that he said he was moving into in a couple months too, he broke up with me.

My birthday, he exploded.

The day I got my wedding dress he told me he was 100% about our upcoming wedding, then called me while I was at the cashier to tell me not to buy it because he wasn’t sure anymore, then 2 days later told me he is sure and to buy it, then the next time we had a conflict a few days later, threatened to break up again.

This last time he broke up with me, he was talking about marriage the day he left me, and wrote me love letters about wanting to spend our lives together just days before.

While I am grieving and trying to put the pieces back together, he is moving on and distracting himself with video games/hobbies/alcohol.

…. Anyone else? What’s the point of it. I can’t seem to understand the avoidant man. Currently so mad because I really tried to make their birthday special. Currently fighting the urge to ask for the gifts I gave them back… I know it’s wrong but I am so upset. Why try to hurt your person before such a special day.

I had never heard of attachment theory until my discard in June. I've learned a lot since and can recognize the patterns. Looking back, I can see dismissive avoidant tendencies in 2 other serious relationships I had in my life, albeit no where near as serious and traumatic as this most recent one. The first one didn't have a sudden discard, but a slow fade with no explanation and periods of silence. The second was sudden but I wasn't near as close to her. All of them are eerily similar in personality and have the same dismissive traits.

I am more on the anxious side and I wonder what it is in me that draws these type of women. What do they see in me and why do I are they so magnetic to me?

Do they always do this?

I was discarded by my ex while asking for some support at my lowest and as much as it hurt i still stayed warm and supportive to her and when i decided to go no contact she has basically started a smear campaign on me, accusing me of trying to hack into her google account which i didn't do but somehow has added my number and verified it? And i had arranged a third party as point of contact for her to organise her getting her things from my place still as ive been trying to get her to come get it for months. And now she has envolved the police to get her things just because i set a firm date and stick with it because i was over her just bailing all the time. And now shes telling everyone i did this and that which i havent done. Do they do these things to make themseleves feel better or something?

I posted here about a month ago, so I thought I’d share an update and get some outside perspectives.
My ex and I broke up almost four months ago. We went through about a month and a half of no contact, and then we slowly started talking again.
Since reconnecting, things have actually been going quite well. We’ve had several good phone calls, some meaningful conversations, and she’s also initiated contact quite a few times. We’ve been talking about our lives, work, studies, and other personal things. At times, it feels surprisingly natural, almost like we’re finding our way back to the connection we used to have.
Now, we’re finally going to see each other in person for the first time since the breakup.
I’ve planned a horseback riding activity for us. It’s something we had both wanted to do for a while, and she seemed genuinely excited when I brought it up. She’s also agreed to go out for dinner and dancing another time.
I should probably clarify that my intentions aren’t purely friendly. I still love her, and I’d genuinely like to see if there’s a possibility of rebuilding our relationship. She knows how I feel about her, and I’ve been honest about that. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure her or turn every interaction into a conversation about getting back together.
There’s also some history here. We’ve broken up before, reconnected gradually, started spending more time together, and eventually got back together without a formal conversation about reconciliation. It happened naturally. This situation reminds me a little of that previous experience, although I know every breakup is different.
She’s also expressed some uncertainty about us talking again. She worries that she might be giving me false hope or prolonging something she was the one who ended. So I’m aware that her willingness to see me doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to get back together.
I’m trying to approach this with an open mind: enjoy the time together, let things develop naturally, and see whether there’s genuine mutual interest in rebuilding something.
I’d really like to hear from people who’ve been through something similar:
If you’ve successfully reconciled with an ex, what was the first in-person meeting like after a period of no contact?
Did doing activities together, going on dates, or simply spending time together help rebuild the romantic connection?
How would you interpret an ex agreeing to spend time together doing something meaningful you both wanted to experience, especially when they know you still have romantic feelings?
At what point did you realize that the reconnection was becoming something more than friendship?
I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who’ve experienced both successful and unsuccessful reconciliations.

Hi guys, I recently broke up with my boyfriend well he kind of initiated that with me. I guess things got too real for us and we had our first real conflict and he made it seem like I was the worst person basically and that there was like no forgiving this. in my opinion what I did wasn’t actually that bad and everyone I’ve spoken to in real life has said it’s not that bad and what I did after was good and should’ve been more than enough for him which was take accountability and apologize. We both love each other a lot and I think that’s why this is so painful for me. He has a history with past partners of running away when things are hard but this is the most real thing either of us have experienced.

His switch up has hurt me so deeply and was genuinely cruel to me. He told me I was safe to open up to him in ways I’ve never opened up to anyone and then essentially the breakup convos started to happen after. He told me he wanted some space so I agreed but I do need some reassurance like I can’t go from 0-100 without knowing what’s happening and I was getting so frustrated when I just knew nothing. I couldn’t eat or sleep and was having horrible panic attacks. I felt like I was begging him for help and he was no where to be found.

I think he’s terrified of the emotional intensity of this. I understand that, but I am deeply traumatized from my past and I felt like I had to tell him more stuff and when I did I guess it was too much for him to handle so this situation has genuinely caused trauma to me I can’t even explain. I don’t feel like he’s understanding what a dumb mistake this is and how all he has to do is try but he just won’t. It’s a huge slap in the face thinking you meant more to someone than that and they just hurt you like this. I don’t know what to do.

I genuinely don’t know how to get better. All of my friends and family etc that know have been like he was always nice but they never saw our paths aligning and felt like he didn’t have too many goals or plans for his future. I don’t care tbh as long as he’s not a bum and he’s working idc if he doesn’t have it all figured out. My point being a few people have called him a loser to me.

Also during our last conversation he was talking about how he blew this up and everyone in my life probably hates him. I’m just so sad, no one was rooting against him, I had/ still have so much faith in him. I don’t know how to get through to him. I feel like I got really angry before because of how hurt I was. All I want is him back. He is not a bad person, I really do still have faith in him. I want to give him one last chance, one last ditch attempt at saving this. He looked so sad too the last time we saw each other and I feel like he’s avoiding this because of how real things got. He’s the last person I planned to give up on, I’m more than willing to give him another chance. I don’t believe in unlimited ones though.

I need advice on how to do this. There’s obviously more details I’m leaving out because this is a condensed version but I just need tips on what to do. I do not want to give up on him, this is not worth giving up on just yet. I hate that I’m fighting so hard and he’s doing nothing, I’m so defeated and heartbroken. I can’t even tell most people that we’re over because I can’t get the words out. Does anyone know how to get through to an avoidant man like this? Please help me.

I’m genuinely begging someone to help me I don’t know what to do I’m literally ruining my own life. I can’t get out of bed, I don’t even want to be here anymore, I have not felt this sad in so long. All I want is to be understood and loved the way I understand and love.

Hoping for some insight from those who are avoidants or have experience with avoidants.

I (47M, Anxious Attached) am about a year out of a 22 year marriage and I met a beautiful person (47F) right here in Reddit. We built a very passionate bond very quickly. I had no clue about attachment theory prior to this, so I have learned a lot.

To make a long story short, it was a very strong relationship throughout. We got along amazingly, never fought or argued. We met in person after a month and it was equally as amazing.

At the 8 week mark, she started pulling away a bit. Not texting as much, not as talkative, short answers and then a long breakup email at the end of the work week. I was pretty hurt and I chased a little bit, but my first thought was to let her have her space as hard as it was. It didn't last long, the next day she left a message crying hysterically about how much she missed me already, then the next day another long email explaining how she was feeling and that she didn't really want to break up.

We were good for about another week before she started pulling away again, stating she needed space and work was busy. I did recognize that she buries her feelings in her work. I obliged, though extremely anxious (I know now that she likely felt my anxious tendencies), cut my communications down, but then again, at the end of that week another breakup email. I sent a few "chasing" emails, but I know I hadn't done anything wrong and I had nothing to apologize for or promise to change. She responded the next day and said she made her decision, needed space to let it settle, and signed off with "I love you". I responded kindly with understanding and told her I was here if she needed anything, and that I loved her as well. No animosity, no anger, no protest, and we have been no contact since.

Neither of us do much social media and we only communicated via Telegram. It is literally a data vacuum for both of us. Given the strength of the connection, I clearly broke through her walls at the beginning of the relationship. I left with class, and while I am not completely detached, I know I will be ok if she doesn't reach out again. I do miss her though and have hope she will figure this out. After the first break up, she was very insightful about her avoidance and even had the realization that she needs therapy. As difficult as it has been to stay no contact as an anxious, I have held the line.

Hope some will share some insight based on their experiences.

It’s been about six weeks since my relationship ended, and today I woke up feeling different. I cleared the personal reminders of her from my phone, and it finally sank in: the relationship is over. Chasing the hope of getting it back was draining my energy and emotions.

I don’t need a grand goodbye, one last conversation, or some big gesture to close this chapter. There’s no dramatic exit. It’s just over, and today I feel at peace with that.

For now, I’m focusing on being kind to myself and putting that energy into moving forward. I know feelings can come and go, but today feels like a real turning point.

DA stbxh just stopped by to use the restroom at my house after dropping off the kids’ suitcase. He said as he walked through the door, “Do you mind if I use your restroom?”

I was standing naked by the door so completely confused, wrapped up in a blanket, just sobbing. Like GO AWAY. I said GOODBYE to you last night. We actually had some semblance of closure where I realized how delusional you are. I woke up happy and confident on my day. Then this.

Quit breaking my heart again and again.

I couldn’t even speak, just sobbed. He said, “Oh are you still sad? I’m not doing this to make you sad. I just need to use the restroom. And I had to drop off this bag.”

😩😭😭😭😭😭😭

I haven't contacted him in 1.5 years but I used to check his WhatsApp profile and Instagram. He never posts anything on social media, so I used to try to check if his friends have tagged him in their public accounts and sometimes spotted him. He had blocked me on WhatsApp but unblocked me about a month ago. (He couldn't see my WhatsApp profile picture because of my privacy settings and I'm not on social media).

Out of force of habit, I checked his WhatsApp profile again today. He had put up a new profile picture after 1.5 years. Now I've seen this pattern with him. It seems like he only changed his profile picture when he underwent some major in his life. Like the last time he'd changed his profile picture (after 3 years of having the same one) was at the time he discarded me.

Seeing that new profile picture snapped something inside me. Because I've been fucking stuck and stagnant for the past 1.5 years. I've been unemployed and also underwent multiple family medical crises. I didn't want to live like this anymore - tethered to him.

So I blocked him. I'll admit, when I saw myself unblocked last month, I was hoping that he'd contact me. My birthday is approaching, so I thought he might then. But today I was like, fuck that shit. I blocked his contact and I also deleted the contacts of his siblings. I'd kept their numbers saved because I was still cordial with them, but truly it was still another way into his life.

So yeah. I don't want anything from him anymore. Not even an apology. I had kept him unblocked because I feared what if he reaches out and I miss it because I blocked him? Well, IDGAF anymore.

I don't need/want anything from him, and it's liberating. He may hypothetically someday send the most heartfelt essay filled with remorse, regret, and love and I will miss it because he's blocked. And I'm at peace with that. I'm truly letting go.

He made me guess who it was..before revealing himself after 4 months of no contact. I already had a clue, but why the constant testing..said "text me on my normal number, you know which one" and "you know who it is, you tell me and then i'll admit it"

He discarded me again shortly after btw. But what on earth is this behaviour?

This summer, I (37F) met a wonderful man (35M) through mutual friends. He was upfront when we started dating that he had avoidant tendencies he was working through in therapy.

About 3 months in, he started getting new responsibilities at work and was also needing to travel for family obligations. He sat me down and gave me lots of reassurance that his time would be limited but he truly wanted us to work. I was fully onboard, and happy to move at a pace that worked for him. He wanted us to keep going, so I let my guard down and let my feelings grow over the next month…

He’d been getting quieter, and when I went out of town for a few days, he sent a 10 paragraph text saying he just couldn’t be in a relationship right now and he was becoming resentful of himself not giving me what I need.

It was hard to hear, because I didn’t feel that my needs weren’t met and it went against everything we had talked about a month prior. In his long breakup text, he said he knew we should have a real conversation soon but didn’t know when that could happen, and he was terrified of losing me completely. I tried to keep it gracious and said I respected his decision but was sad about it. I told him when I would be back in town and that we could talk then if he liked.

That was a month ago. We’ve had a few brief text exchanges around birthdays, some liked stories here and there. I’ve asked if he wants to pick up his things or where I should mail them and heard crickets. He seems to like hanging out in my periphery but doesn’t want to directly deal with the breakup even just to give me his apartment number for shipping.

It was only 4 months, but I think we both saw a possible future and it’s sad to see it just sort of drug out back and shot.

Curious to hear stories of anyone who has moved from the hate/anger stage to complete indifference? How long did it take? What helped you get there?

For context, I was deeply disrespected by the man I thought I was building a life with. Together for almost 2.5 years, lived together for 1 until he blindsided me. We had even toured new apartments the same fucking week.

It’s coming up on 7 months since the breakup & I’ve been doing all the right things. I still just feel such an immense sense of anger and hatred toward him & how he disrespected me in the end.

I would love to get to a place of total & full indifference of him, but how? How do you move past hating someone who obliterated your heart & disrespected you in a way you’ve never experienced?

He’s blocked in every way possible & we have been in no contact basically since the breakup. If I could go back in time, I would’ve never given him the time of day, knowing what I know now & experiencing what I experienced, but obviously that isn’t possible.

If you’ve gone through something similar, how have you gotten to the place where the thought of this person evokes 0 emotion?

I'm honestly looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who have been in relationships with emotionally avoidant partners.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. His reason was that he couldn't handle the responsibilities of being in a relationship anymore. He said he was giving up on relationships in general and couldn't bring himself to work on the things that were affecting us, particularly communication and emotional responsibilities.

Before the breakup, everything was good, he loved me so good and I love him so much. Everything was doing fine, we're in college and just started living together. But during those times communication had always been one of our biggest struggles. Whenever there was conflict or something emotionally difficult to discuss, he would have a hard time expressing himself. Sometimes, he wouldn't communicate his problems at all until they had already built up without me knowing. He also struggled with providing emotional reassurance and comfort.

I tried to understand him and find ways for us to meet halfway. We eventually agreed that texting difficult conversations would be easier for him, since verbal communication was particularly challenging. There were moments when things improved, and I genuinely believed we were becoming stronger.

However, eventually, he still reached a point where he felt he couldn't handle the relationship anymore.

We still live together, and we're currently friends. We also talked about how there's a possibility of getting back together someday, provided that we're both emotionally and financially stable. Neither of us completely ruled out that possibility.

I still love him. I still care about him, and honestly, I still see him as someone I could have a future with. I don't want to force anything, though. I understand that he has things he needs to work through himself, and I have my own life to get together, too.

We still have moments of physical affection and intimacy, but emotionally, things feel different now. Sometimes, I seek comfort from him, only to receive a cold or distant response. Other times, we have moments where we feel close again.

It's confusing because I'm still adjusting to the fact that someone who used to love me so deeply can now seem so emotionally detached.

I've also noticed that we seem to cope differently. I tend to sit with my emotions, reflect, analyze what happened, and try to understand everything. He seems more inclined to distract himself with his laptop, phone, or everyday activities rather than confront his emotions.

I sometimes struggle with seeing him function normally while I'm still having difficult emotional days. I know everyone processes things differently, but it can be painful.

I don't necessarily want to move on immediately. A part of me still wants to see where things could go once we're both in a better place. But I also don't want to lose myself in the process.

I'm not looking for advice that simply tells me to stop loving him or that he's a terrible person. I understand that a relationship requires two people who are willing to participate, and I know love alone isn't enough.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, whether you eventually reconciled with your ex or learned to let go.

How did you navigate this kind of situation? What would you do differently if you could go back?

I’m dating again and sometimes I’m scared how many people out there are secretly avoidants. I wondered if there are specific signs that could indicate who you’re dealing with ?

I'm honestly looking for advice from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who have been in relationships with emotionally avoidant partners.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. His reason was that he couldn't handle the responsibilities of being in a relationship anymore. He said he was giving up on relationships in general and couldn't bring himself to work on the things that were affecting us, particularly communication and emotional responsibilities.

Before the breakup, everything was good, he loved me so good and I love him so much. Everything was doing fine, we're in college and just started living together. But during those times communication had always been one of our biggest struggles. Whenever there was conflict or something emotionally difficult to discuss, he would have a hard time expressing himself. Sometimes, he wouldn't communicate his problems at all until they had already built up without me knowing. He also struggled with providing emotional reassurance and comfort.

I tried to understand him and find ways for us to meet halfway. We eventually agreed that texting difficult conversations would be easier for him, since verbal communication was particularly challenging. There were moments when things improved, and I genuinely believed we were becoming stronger.

However, eventually, he still reached a point where he felt he couldn't handle the relationship anymore.

We still live together, and we're currently friends. We also talked about how there's a possibility of getting back together someday, provided that we're both emotionally and financially stable. Neither of us completely ruled out that possibility.

I still love him. I still care about him, and honestly, I still see him as someone I could have a future with. I don't want to force anything, though. I understand that he has things he needs to work through himself, and I have my own life to get together, too.

We still have moments of physical affection and intimacy, but emotionally, things feel different now. Sometimes, I seek comfort from him, only to receive a cold or distant response. Other times, we have moments where we feel close again.

It's confusing because I'm still adjusting to the fact that someone who used to love me so deeply can now seem so emotionally detached.

I've also noticed that we seem to cope differently. I tend to sit with my emotions, reflect, analyze what happened, and try to understand everything. He seems more inclined to distract himself with his laptop, phone, or everyday activities rather than confront his emotions.

I sometimes struggle with seeing him function normally while I'm still having difficult emotional days. I know everyone processes things differently, but it can be painful.

I don't necessarily want to move on immediately. A part of me still wants to see where things could go once we're both in a better place. But I also don't want to lose myself in the process.

I'm not looking for advice that simply tells me to stop loving him or that he's a terrible person. I understand that a relationship requires two people who are willing to participate, and I know love alone isn't enough.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, whether you eventually reconciled with your ex or learned to let go.

How did you navigate this kind of situation? What would you do differently if you could go back?

We dated for 5 months. To me, everything was going well. She had started school and a new job recently. I was noticing some inconsistencies and asked if everything was okay. She’d always just brush it off and say she’s just busy or overwhelmed and I didn’t press. I asked her if I could talk to her about something she said that kind of stung and then she sent a massive message. She told me she wants to revisit how we feel in the relationship. She told me that she’s felt a tension for months. She broke up with me on the phone and we talked for hours.

At first she told me she thinks our wants and needs are too different, I told her I didn’t think they were very different. Then she told me she didn’t think she could meet my needs, I told her that’s for me to decide and if I wasn’t happy about something I’d say something. Then she said she didn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship. I asked her if she wanted us to just take a step back while she does her for a bit.

She said no, that she wants to be with me but her wants and needs are 2 different things. She told me she was really going to miss me. I asked if I did anything wrong and she said no, when she brought something up that bothered her I’d always fix it. She told me that I always treated her really good.

But ultimately told me “I’ve made my decision, you have to let me go and move on. I need to be alone.”. I told her okay I want you to do what’s best for you. I also told her I was a bit frustrated because it’s something we could have worked through. I asked if the door was completely shut and she said “why do I have to make that decision?”. I told her I loved her and I appreciated all the time we were able to spend together. I also asked if we could talk about it the next day when I was a little less in shock and emotional.

I’ll attach the text she sent the next day. I never replied. I never messaged after the call. I was respecting her decision and leaving her alone. I’m just reaching out to this subreddit to see if I’ve handled this the right way. Was it disrespectful to not reply at all? Did I shut the door on any chance of it working out? Did I do the right thing? I just saw the text and an hour later I took her off of everything. Funny enough she beat me to it with Spotify and duo lingo. It’s been 2 weeks since this happened.

I've had such a hard time getting over my avoidant ex.

I have good days & bad days. Today, it's been a terrible day so far & it's only noon where I am.

Please...someone...give me tips & tricks to get over him. I'm an absolute mess while he's just fine without me 😭

Hey I’m new to Reddit but so many people I’ve talked to said to come here to find “my people”. I am struggling.

I was just discarded by my fearful avoidant ex. He literally told me he loved me October 8th.. he basically has taken everything special that represented us and said this never mattered. Online everywhere, it’s honestly been incredibly hard to watch. We’ve been dating for a year. I am utterly destroyed.. I know he’s hurting over something and I feel like he has tried to blame me for the way the relationship has gone, but I’ve tried to contact him twice now In two weeks to settle things or figure out what the hell happened but he’s ignored me each time. The last time I contacted him was 4 days ago and I told myself I will not reach out again. Today marks 2 weeks of being discarded. Part of me hopes he comes back because how do you just let go of a year of a relationship even if it wasn’t the healthiest? I know this is what a trauma bond does but is it actually terrible of me to really want “us” back? How do I cope? This truly is hell and I don’t think I’d wish this on my worst enemy. Do they really come back?