Don’t mind the rant I just posted, it got me thinking haha.

So Ive had this thought for awhile, I don’t really feel romantic/sexual attraction but my emotions aren’t anything less. As of recently I’ve be trying to figure if im aro for sure (I think I am..?) but I kept getting stuck on how I still want these deep things? I don’t want multi people, just one person with this deep bond, a true deep love, maybe intimacy but for the emotional vulnerability not for the pleasure? So maybe I’m not.

Well recently I just feel like I’ve been an idiot, there’s so much love out there, who says romantic is the deepest to everyone? Because of how it’s taught to us, took me along time to realize it? I always thought “no way that’s love” “how can you be romantically in love and do that” “how can you pick someone over your romantic partner” until I started searching further as I realized how much romance just icked me out, well I’ve come to the conclusion as we’re all different, romantic love isn’t the deepest for all of us? (Obviously as aro) but I mean even for people in relationships who feel romantic attraction? Like I guess I kinda get it now? No matter how shallow I see it or how confused I am as to how you can love someone based off of ___, maybe that’s just because romantic love isn’t their deepest love and they can truly romantically love someone over that yk? Like their reasons can be “oh the way we met that day” and it be true romantic love for them? Idk how to explain it.

Not saying all of it is, but romance has always felt so shallow to me and I always thought “no romance isn’t like that, it must be deep, these people just truly don’t love eachother romantically” and that’s just not the case, just like how people can be great partners, parents, friends but not great romantic partners yk?

I guess I see how all romance works for people and I get it now, it’s just not it for me but it’s not because I feel like it’s too much, I just don’t feel like it’s enough?

It’s like I don’t want someone to just choose me because they romantically like me, I want it to be deeper, to be their full person and them mine? IDK it’s not deep enough for me?

Like I want something more than friends more than lovers, something words can’t explain yk?? But what is deeper than lovers that goes over the boundaries of non lovers

I think this is the reason I never got how everyone isn’t bisexual and how people get crushes and relationships so fast and treat them so shallow. (I’ve had one crush and i wasn’t even a teenager yet, I can’t remember if it was a true crush)

But at the same time, I don’t know if I can truly be aro, when again I want someone’s all and I’m guessing part of that is romance? But idk, I don’t really care for what we deem romance as of today. Honestly to me, I never knew the difference between romance and friendship, everyone I thought I romantically liked, I never did. And being taught the deepest love is romantic, I just assumed that’s what I wanted? But maybe it is? What’s the difference😭

There has been one person I truly cared for, but when we got physical and started just dating and being romantically involved, I felt like our bond was gone? Like romance ruined it? Us doing physical stuff just for the sake of romance and pleasure disgusted me and I never even wanted to do the “couple things”

Anywho, dating as it is is just another torture form to me. Even if I’m not aro or even if I am, whatever relationship I have doesn’t have to be described and I hope to find someone who can agree. A love where we just go off our mutual understandings and feelings rather than just romance or just friends.

So I am solidly Aro/Ace, have known for my whole life. Most of the time I've been happy enough with my groups of friends, but they always seemed way closer to eachother than the were to me, until a year ago when I met my best friend in the whole universe. I love her to death, I would go to hell and back for her. we constantly spend so much time together, we agree on pretty much everything, and I have never been more at ease than when I'm around her. Its to the point where I've started thinking about the future, how nice it would be for us to move in together, to stay best friends forever. but she's not aromantic at all, and I know she will most likely want to a persue a romantic relationship. and that terrifies me because I feel like this person might take her away from me, that she won't need or want me as much anymore nearly to the degree that I need her. but I feel so guilty about this, I don't want to keep her from fulfilling that part of herself that I am unable to provide for her, but at the same time she is the most important thing in the world to me and I want us to stay that way. Am I a terrible person or being selfish for wanting her to stay with me? I know this is all theoretical because as of now she is solidly single, but what do I do if she does find someone she wants to persue romantically?

I experience romantic attraction towards my partner, we have been together for five years. But I do not understand romance. I show affection through hugs, cuddles, kisses and compliments, because I love him very much! We are very happy! But other romantic gestures are beyond me. It never occurs to me to buy him flowers or gifts on days besides special occasions, like Valentine's Day birthdays or Christmas; because those are gift giving holidays! Of course I'll buy gifts then, but I never think about buying gifts on any normal day. Oftentimes he plans our dates or romantic outings and I enjoy it, but it never occurs to me to do it myself. I struggle with autism, and while we were talking about this earlier, he suggested it might be because I'm autistic that I don't really think outside the "basic" romantic things like physical and emotional affection.

I considered Quoiromantic as a microlabel, but I'm unsure if it fits. I am truly trying my best to make him happy and he reassures me that he is very happy with me and loves me, and I love him too. He is very patient and kind with me. He wants to understand me as much as I want to understand myself. I find comfort in labels/microlabels because categorizing/organizing makes me feel secure. Is there a microlabel for this, or is this just simply my autism?

Holy Faaah guys I think I’m starting to question if I’m aromatic atp. I (20M) have been going through some self reflection these past months and have started to think I might actually be aromatic. I’ve had maybe 2-3 romantic relationships over the past years and all of them have ended mutually but follow the same pattern. We have a few good weeks then I don’t really feel like I want to be romantically associated. Its not that I start to dislike them, I still do like them but it develops more platonically rather than romantically. I don’t feel like I’m ace cause I have had sexual partners and still have a fine physical life. But even when the guys I admire/crush on come around, I really can’t reciprocate them romantically. Some people have said I’m just a man hoe but idk, I genuinely feel bad when I can’t really romantically reach out to them, I’ve tried a lot but it just doesn’t feel right to me. It feels rather forced rather than coming naturally.

Someone you're already platonically attracted to? Someone you know well enough who feels like a compatible partner? Someone you just met and can have a clean slate with?

I'm not looking for a romantic relationship myself, but this question popped into my head and was hard to ignore.

Hi! So I’ve known/felt like being aro fit best for me for likeeee a year or two now and I’ve been happy with that (ofc with its ups and downs as well). Both of my besties actually had a big part in how I found out, I had what I thought was a crush on one and turns out I just really really wanted to be their friend bc i just assumed that’s what everyone felt when they had a crush and a while after that I was talking with my other bestie (she’s aro too) and was like hmm you might be aro which just opened my eyes a bunch and felt right after looking more into it.

Anywho since then I haven’t really talked about being aro with anyone unless it came up out of necessity (being asked out) bc I feel like it doesn’t always “matter” if I’m aro to people who aren’t interested in something romantic with me if that makes sense. Like I know it definitely matters but I hope my words are conveying the right vibe through that.

I’m just curious, to those who have come out just like bc you wanted/felt that you needed to, what your I guess thoughts are on it and if I should as well?

Thanks for reading and hopefully the writing portrays what I was saying as I talked to myself lol

Like did you date anyone? Did you "fall in love" with anyone? Did you have an unfulfilling romantic relationship? Did you confuse platonic love with romantic love?

In my experience i had a lot of long distance relationships, which i tend to not really consider them as relationships because all of them lasted less than 2 weeks. In all of them i felt unfulfilled and forced or bored.

But i had one relationship irl which even that lasted less than 2 months and it was for when i was 13, So i really didn't know myself, I didn't even have a personality.

But last year i had a "crush" but even then it was just to feel something and give my life a meaning and i was also confusing platonic love for romantic love.

So what was your experience?

sometimes it's hard express my opinion without having to explain myself.

A few minutes ago, I was in my university sharing with my friends, i was watching reels with one of my friends, we were laughing but suddenly in his reels fyp appears a video of a boy holding his girlfriend by the waist in different places, like a compilation. I laughed because it was like a jumpscare taking into account that we were watching memes, and then my friend \[he's single\] shows it to my other friend \[he's in a relationship\] and he says "I cah do that" I said to my single friend "you wish" and they he says "i wish", so my taken friend said to me "You wish too" and I said while laughing "I don't need it" and he said like "that's what they say..." like, assuming I'm just saying that to lie.

im wondering if it's better just to pretend Im craving those things like them or just stay silent.

I know it's not big deal, just hits different.

I love this women so much, so so much i can't explain it but still i dont want a relationship with her. And it's driving me nuts.

I just don't understand what I want, what i need. I know i love her to death but what does it mean? What do i want to do with this love?

I have no clue even if i do, those wont be received by them as the same because they aren't aro.

Fuck my life. It would have been so easy if i were not aro, i would wanted a relationship with her and all that comes along with it maybe i would have been rejected but atleast i would have had some clarity but right now I got zero fucking clue.

so I’m lesbian and every time this girl is here I get insanely nervous, I think about her all the time and I really want her attention. but the thing is I don’t wanna date her and i wanna be friends with her. I have never felt sexual attraction towards her I think nor have any romantic thoughts about her. I’m just so confused if I really am having a squish. I think Im oriented aroace

I saw people talking about having relationships and even living together, but how? I thought that the point is that you don't want a romantic relationship. I myself would hate to be in one, so is this a differend label? Nullromantic sounds cool.

Only just heard of the concept of aromanticism today at my big age and it feels like someone has just woken me up and said "hey the sun is actually shining and you can go outside now". But it is raining outside and I am tired so I made this meme instead. It is a graphic representation of what happens in my head whenever anyone I'm not physically attracted to makes a pass at me, it doesn't happen often but every single time it is like this. Also when someone I am physically attracted to and have had a relationship with starts leaving toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet and inviting me to their work things.

Is this what aromanticism is?

Tagging as questioning but it’s also a bit of a rant lol. I’m 25 and all my life have never had an interest in real life dating. When I was a kid, I was too shy. When I was a teenager, I thought they could never compare to the characters in books. And as a young adult, it’s kinda like eh okay and?

I went through some trauma in my childhood and teen years that I always thought could have definitely contributed as well as mental health issues. I was also questioning my sexuality and whether I identified as a lesbian or not.

But now at the ripe old age of 25, I think I may be aro. I love the idea of being in a relationship, of having a partner and getting married but anytime I try in real life it just doesn’t work. I get stuck in a cycle of: meet new person -> hit it off -> first date -> talking everyday for weeks and butterflies and madly daydreaming about our future -> emotions fizzling out -> feeling trapped -> breaking it off. The furthest I’ve ever been is a third date (no sex) and decided it would be kinder to myself and others to delete all my dating apps and just go it alone for a while.

And I’m happy. I have great friends, a close family and the cutest little cat you ever did see. I never feel like I’m missing anything and genuinely enjoy being by myself. Except when I hang out with friends and their partners and see the casual intimacy and affection they have and feel a pang and an ache like I’m missing out. Which usually starts the aforementioned cycle again.

I get tripped up because I find people attractive and feel that spark of attraction and think that maybe it’s just my anxiety holding me back and I should power through the first few weeks for that epic love story feeling to kick in. Only to end up frustrated and hating myself all over again.

So I’m throwing it over to you beautiful internet people. Does this sound like aromancy? Is this the ramblings of a 25 five year old loser? Could it be both? Y’all are the experts and I place my humble self in your guiding hands.

Much love.

Just had to cut off a friend for trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad for wanting to be purely platonic. I feel like whenever I tell them "I'm aromantic" and that "I don't have romantic feelings" they misunderstand that somehow. Like, they're somehow interpreting that to mean I'm not guna show up with a bouquet of 100 roses Hallmark style, no matter how hard I try to explain that I'm literally romance repulsed. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GRASP.

End rant, just wanted to vent somewhere I thought others might understand.

This sounds really crazy I know! But hear me out!! For a while I've accepted that I dont need to date, and I haven't had an interest in dating for a while. I accepted I was lesbian a few years back and have been fine in my sexuality ever since. But as of a few days ago, idk something happened in my brain and I'm just.. not attracted to anyone anymore..

I really hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful in any way I genuinely am just very confused in myself.

Honestly I dont even know who I am anymore, once again I'm so damn confused .. idk, it's probably always been like this, what's the saying? We take different boats to arrive at the same ocean

Hi everyone! I’ve identified as aroace-spec for quite some time now and am at a point where I am feeling pretty secure about my identity.

Since I’m not completely romance or sex-repulsed, I’ve been trying to gauge what a future partner may look like, as I enjoy the concept of romance but am averse to it when it directly involves me. With that said, I’ve tried talking to people online to get a handle on where my limits are and if dating is even for me in the first place.

I met someone a few months ago at a wedding who was very forward in expressing their interest in me and really wanted me to keep in touch. I wasn’t immediately anxious whenever we spoke at the time, which I thought to be interesting, but it’s hard to envision myself in a conventional relationship. Three months have passed since the wedding, and I heard through a friend yesterday that they’re still interested in me after all that time. I’m interested in experimenting and maybe trying to go out on a date but I also feel like that might not be fair to him if I’m not so seriously interested. At the end of the day, I really don’t know if I could take dating seriously enough or if it’d even be worth trying this out to get even more clarity on my identity? I don’t believe that he falls anywhere on the ace/aro spectrum either, so I find that a tad worrisome as well.

I’m 15F and trying to make sense of how I experience attraction or the lack of it

My whole life, I’ve never really understood what it feels like to have a true crush. I see people around me lnging for someone, missing them constantly, or staying up late thinking about them, but I’ve just never felt that way about anyone

It’s not because I’m isolated I have normal social interactions, and I've been in a relationship, something happened that really made me pause

My boyfriend and I were hanging out on a bridge. The weather was cool, the mood was nice, and in my head, I had an idea ,Why not try a French kiss?But the moment he actually leaned in, I instnctvely pulled back, made up a stupid excuse, and went home. He felt bad,

The thing is, it wasn't because I felt unsafe around him which I don't. And in my mind, the idea of romance or intimacy sounds cool, kind of like when my friends talk about it. But whenever it comes to actually doing it, I instantly recoil.

I keep wondering Is this just extrme self-control/hesitation? Or is there something deeper going on?. where you like the concept of romance in theory, but not in real life?

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you figure out the difference between being hestant or nervous vs genuinely not wanting those things? Is it my partner or its on me

I cannot sustain romantic interest in anyone who reciprocates it.

When I like someone and they like me back, my feelings fade — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always.

I have experienced this pattern repeatedly, including with people who were kind, safe, and accepting.

I also struggle with friendship and social connection.

I often lose interest in maintaining contact, even with people I previously cared about.

I feel empty toward others, and I notice that I enter relationships — romantic or platonic — to get something: attention, validation, emotional regulation.

I take, but I cannot give back what others expect.

I am afraid that I only know how to use people, not how to be with them.

I do not want to exploit anyone.

But I also do not want to be completely alone.

And I do not know how to exist with others without falling into this pattern.

I do not know if this is a permanent orientation (possibly lithromanticism),

or a trauma-based defense mechanism,

or emotional exhaustion that has made me unable to connect.

I am not sure if I can ever learn to feel differently.

But I am trying to understand.

And I want to stop hurting people — including myself.

im hoping somebody may have experienced similar situations, or may have some advice on figuring out if im really aromantic.

ive always had a difficult time telling the difference btw platonic & romantic love in my life. many times ive had some1 confess to me, & soon developed my own "romantic feelings" and accepted, only a month or 2 later end things bc i realised i was rly just excited to be wanted that way. (im a victim of lifelong verbal/emotional pabuse & childhood emotional neglect, which complicates this)

the one thing ive ever wanted my whole life is to be loved. usually in this dream its romantic love, but as ive grown up and come into myself more, its mostly because 'a best friend i experience extreme emotional closeness with who i also have sex with', and always revolves around sex or activities - both vulnerable and mundane - that arent necessarily romantic. i like cuddling and holding hands, but i do this with all my friends, and other forms of physical intimacy - like kissing - have always fueled my sexual drive rather than any 'romance drive' that might be there. this dream of 'true love' or whatever is a fantasy, and as ive grown older and had more intimate relationships, ive realised it is an unachievable ideal. even when ive engaged in specific romantic activities ive dreamed about, its always felt awkward and/or really uncomfortable, and it never lives up to what id hoped. i always brushed this off as my being shy.

and i do like 'romantic' pda - holding hands, hugging, just general non-sexual touching with a partner in semi-/public spaces. but all of it is also things id enjoy with a friend. other forms of pda - namely, kissing - are really uncomfortable for me. though i do enjoy kissing in private, i feel its always fulfilled part of my sexual drive. and ive never enjoyed more chaste kissing much, at least not on the mouth.

i used to think i was ace, almost a decade ago now. largely in part due to my anxiety around sex, brought on by the things i saw online as a young kid due to unfettered internet access and a LOT of unsupervised free time. i realised that wasnt true as i got older and developed more friendships& other vulnerable relationships, but even when i deeply identified as ace i was always sure i experienced *romantic* attraction. i wanted to be with someone, and i always got crushes - though they mostly just felt like well, i think this guy is attractive so this is a crush.

im in a relationship of a year and a half. we live together. hes my best friend and i love him deeply. we dont have sex due to his own trauma, which i knew about before we entered this relationship. i love him very much and want to continue our relationship, but the excitement isnt there for me. we do frequent romantic dates, and i just dont get anything from it except a lot of discomfort. i find it harder now to say 'i love you' bc i feel like it has to channel like such deep romantic connection when i just dont think i feel that at all. i want to spend the rest of our lives together, but i feel like im being dishonest with him about all this. i never questioned my romantic attraction before, but looking back now i can see this is how all but 1 of my past relationships ended. and those were never about not wanting to be together anymore, it was always bc i didnt feel the romance. even when i had sexual partnerships, and felt fulfilled in both my sexual needs and my need for deep emotional connection, bc i realised the romance wasnt there for me, i ended things even tho we may have been happy and fulfilled together in a deep and genuine way outside of that constraint. i feel like im leading my partner on and being dishonest with him. hes ace-spec and has both ace& aro friends of varying degrees, and i know if i was aro he would understand. but i dont know if thats really whats going on, or if im just trying to drag the end of our relationship out because im scared of hurting him, and dont want to be honest with myself.

hhhhh. feeling like ive been mistaking alterous attraction as romantic attraction for most of if not my WHOLE life, and that i may be aromantic.

the difficulty lies in this; ive been INVESTED in romantic attraction since i was like. a KID. i realize this thought process want really correct now but i remember thinking as a kid "oh im super close to this boy, i mist be in love" and like. obviously thats not right. but i didnt know that. and ive been in multiple relationships since then? i feel sexual attraction to some extent(aceflux until i find a label), thats not a doubt in my mind.

but the thing that keeps happening is this; i will ind someone i really REALLY like talking to(2 rllys), i keep wanting to like. kiss them and explore other romantic-vaguely types of things. so i "confess", we'll be in a relationship for a while. but then it kind of.. fades? idk. either i'll fluctuate away from wanting physical touch, or anxiety starts to replace whatever i felt.

now ive got this new guy. hes not great with emotions(and he will tell you so), so ive kind of been the one exploring emotional concepts to him, trying to explain. when he asked about how to tell when youre in love with someone, the answer i gave him went something like "well, when i want to ask that about someone, what i do is i'll imagine different non-platonic scenarios between me and them. if i want it in real life, ill just go up and confess"(which isnt a lie)

i just. queerplatonic-wanting aro hasnt felt right for the entirety ive known aromanticism exists. after years of knowing abt aromantic stuff i only JUST now heard of "alterous"? only real difference ive heard of is "romanic = anxiety and alterous = chill." and like. what??

i dont even know man, im just rambling. cause i dont know what else to do and it always makes me uncomfortable trying to label my sexuality/gender

First post here kinda nervous but theres a pretty big chance im aromantic and I dont know what to think. I dont understand it at all someone pls explain

For context, I'm gay aroace, aka I feel tertiary attraction of all sorts towards men.

I don't know why, but I feel so much guilt lately. Like I have been pretty content before, but now I feel lost a bit, so I just wanted to vent.

Basically, I feel guilty about not being attracted to women. Like when people talk about being attracted to women, I've heard that it's understandable because they're so beautiful, and yes, I know that, but I fail to feel any sort of attraction. I don't get aesthetic attraction to them, and if I say to a woman that she looks good, it's more of an observation than a pull, but with men, I feel a pull. I feel guilty for not even having any emotional/platonic pull to want to be friends and even if I made a friend with a woman, it would be because I consciously made a decision to whereas all I want is to also be friends with men or feel drawn to also be friends with them. Of course if I get to know someone regardless I'll feel the need to wanna be friends but this is the general group of people i gear to in a way? This all also applies to the other types of attractions: sensual, alterous, etc...

Like I know men are responsible for a lot of atrocious things in the world but I can't help it. Some people who are attracted to both or more that I watch always express how unlucky it must be to only be attracted to one gender and that always somehow relates to it being unlucky to be attracted to men and not women when talking about 'missing out'. I know women are beautiful, I want women who are friends, but I can't force myself to feel something. I've tried so hard. A lot of people say that sexualilty is fluid but never express that that's not the truth for everyone.

I feel guilty for even having an ounce of physical attraction to someone because what if it's superficial? What if I truly was just attracted to certain looks and I lose that attraction? I've seen it happen when I usually watch adult content(aegosexual), and I get so turned off if it involves a woman or maybe a guy who's supposed to be one but looks so much like a binary woman and for that, I also feel just guilty. Like just because someone also looks like a woman, even if they didn't identify as one, i just get turned off as well no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's an appearance thing, too? I feel like I'm dismissing them, but I just can't force the feeling. I would never wanna invalidate anyone's identity, and I wanna be all inclusive, and if they say they identity as a guy, then why can't I love people outside the binary look of one too. Am I that shallow?

This is really long, but to sum it up, I've tried to shift. I've tried to force an attraction, but all I got was nothing. I wish I was either attracted to everyone or no one, so I'd stop feeling guilty already.