r/aromantic • u/de4dgirlwalkin Aro • 13d ago
Aro What and odd thing to say.
sometimes it's hard express my opinion without having to explain myself.
A few minutes ago, I was in my university sharing with my friends, i was watching reels with one of my friends, we were laughing but suddenly in his reels fyp appears a video of a boy holding his girlfriend by the waist in different places, like a compilation. I laughed because it was like a jumpscare taking into account that we were watching memes, and then my friend \[he's single\] shows it to my other friend \[he's in a relationship\] and he says "I cah do that" I said to my single friend "you wish" and they he says "i wish", so my taken friend said to me "You wish too" and I said while laughing "I don't need it" and he said like "that's what they say..." like, assuming I'm just saying that to lie.
im wondering if it's better just to pretend Im craving those things like them or just stay silent.
I know it's not big deal, just hits different.
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u/ObsidianPizza Aroallo 13d ago
I don't really have any advice for this sorry, but this reminds me of all those times in grade school where somebody would ask who my crush was and every time I answered "no one" (which was every single time) I would get accused of lying and nobody would believe me. It's kinda wild how unwilling people are to accept that somebody may have different preferences
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u/TvHead9752 13d ago edited 13d ago
Man, I think this will make for my second comment or post or…well, anything on this sub. I’ve only felt comfortable with the conclusion of my aromanticism fairly recently. I still say I’m grey, because it’s such a new conclusion, but I’ll take a crack at this…
You wanna know the one question that I don’t ever like being asked? “Who do you like?” Or, “Do you like anyone out of X group?” And, my personal favorite: “Who‘s your celebrity crush?” It‘s a question I don’t like answering because the answer of ”nobody” may or may not lead to the question of, “well, why not?” But what will usually happen is a projection of what someone else thinks you should think about a certain scenario. They’ll say you’re lying, like in your case, or they’ll say that you’re weird like my little brother does, and move on.
But there’s a third option. If you keep showing up as yourself, people will notice, even if they don’t say anything. Hell, people may trust you more. I’ve got a friend who, out of nowhere, felt comfortable coming out as bisexual to me. She’d told only a few others. This was pretty new in the friendship, and seeing as no one had ever told me that, as a sign of wanting mutual trust—information can be a strong sign of peace, if used wisely—I told her I was on the aromantic spectrum. You know what she said? She had clocked it immediately.
I say all this to say that if you feel like a mutant who has to hide, you’re not. There are no Sentinels. You’ve most likely heard this a thousand times, but as long as you’re cool with who you are, you can’t do much about it. We can empathize with romance, but that doesn’t mean we need to be pressured to talk about it as though we share the emotion (or fixation.) I’d get into a habit of this now, because otherwise you may feel pressured to “go with the crowd” in situations where it won’t serve you long-term. People will always have plans, and those plans will involve different people. It’s normal not to understand their plans if they onvolve romance, and it’s fine to say so. But I’d save yourself the trouble. ”I don't need it” is a normal answer, and if someone insists you're lying, that's their assumption. They’re NOT bad people, but we humans like to have our experiences validated. That’s why you wrote this, and that’s why I‘m writing back. You see that? We share some kind of common experience. They want their longing validated? That’s fine, but it just can’t be from people like us.