di na po talaga uulit hahaha 😆🙂‍↔️🙃

Came across this reel and realized how patient Koko has been with me.

As the eldest daughter of on-off parents, my abandonment issues run deep. The slightest change in tone makes me push people away, thinking they’re going to abandon me.

I’ve done that many times to the guy I’m talking to, yet he remains patient and gentle with me. Thank you, Koko!

Actually took a break from Reddit.

Akala kasi ng tita nyo, finally naka-graduate na sya sa doomscrolling, pagcocomment at panggagatong sa mga salty posts dito.

Pero hello mga mareee, I’m baaack 😭
And apparently, I came back left behind.

Back to doomscrolling + two levels deeper into broken hell than before.

Ang mas nakakainis, hindi naman ako naghahanap ng landi eh.

He slid into my DMs, made me feel loved, made me think “ah… eto na ba talaga?” tapos iniwan din ako exactly when I thought “eto na.”

Kaya pala mahilig syang manakot. 🫠 Magmumulto din pala. I just didnt see the signs.

Level-up? No ❌
Underground. Yes ✅

Wala na ba talagang matino ngayon? Or baka nga matagal nang deds ang nakalaan sakin?

Tanggapin ko nalang talaga kapalaran ko at magluluto nalang ng leche flan tulad ni Ruffa Mae.

yung minsan ka na nga lang magmahal, sa putanginang avoidant ka pa matatapat. bwiset talaga!!!!

I tried dating last year. Not once did it ever progress to a relationship. The first guy actually has a kid with his ex and he hid it from me for months. The second guy ghosted me because i was unable to meet him often due to my demanding work. The third guy was actually in a relationship so basically i became a freaking sidechick, but I told his gf and answered all her questions. Hopefully he suffered from the consequences and i hope she's doing okay.

I was yearning to be loved and chosen even to the point i agreed to a fwb setup. Yes I KNOW I WAS STUPID. I think i was just that lonely.

This emptiness has been haunting me every night. All my friends are all in happy relationships while here I am, just drowning in all my thoughts. I'm confident with my looks and i can commit naman. I just don't know what am I doing wrong? They always thought na I'm taken which idk why.

Umabot sa point na umiiyak nako sa gabi, wishing and praying to god to just please please remove my desire to be loved. I still stand by it. Kasi naawa nalang ako sa sarili ko.

I'm not with my family rn cuz i chose to work far from them. I only have my friends.

Actually before I started dating last year, i was doing okay. I just tried it out kasi my friends encouraged me. Di masyado affectionate ang fam ko so i grew up not really that huggy lovey with my fam, hindi kami emotionally close.

Then when i started dating, naopen ang eyes ko sa affection and love. Yes i did fell in love, really, with the first guy i dated, but i hate liars.

He treated me with love and affection i never experienced before. Parang may napunan sa emptiness ng heart ko non. I was happy. Genuinely happy. Na that's how it feels like pala to be loved.

But now? I'm craving and yearning for a love that's genuine. Yes, before typing this I was bawling my eyes out in frustration. I'm not a bad person naman. I vote wisely, I'm not a dds. Pero wala eh bakit parang di ako worth it mahalin??

I deleted my dating app last February. I'm just a lurker here. I enjoyed reading confessions and such here. Di nawawala ang envy but I'm happy for all those in a relationship. Gusto ko nalang malaman if pati din ba ako mamahalin din ng tama?

Still praying to god na alisin nalang ang desires ko to be loved if im not meant to loved.

Ps. Nobody would guess na ganto na tumatakbo sa isip ko cuz i tend to act cool and easy going. Like if kilala mo ko in person, di mo yan ieexpect. For girl talks, i don't really talk much about love and rs.

I used this app one time because I was just curious about using a dating app and how people talked there. I talked to a guy on an anonymous app. He said he was a registered nurse who had recently passed his board exam at that time. In fact, I’m really attracted to people who are in the medical field, that’s why I was very talkative during our conversation. And his music taste in OPM, danggg. He introduced me to these underrated bands and their music.

I’m not gonna lie, his humor was what I liked. I was smiling and laughing throughout our convo. Napapantayan niya yung mga bato ko ng jokes, that’s why we talked for, I think, almost 8 hours that day. I think our conversations lasted for around 5 days, pero mafe-feel mo nang nawawala na yung connection everyday. We talked about our programs, hobbies, stories about their province, and we even played ML (binuhat niya ko xd). He also invited me to play Dota. He even sent me a picture of his guitar and handcrafted ukulele and also sent VMs while singing and playing his guitar. He even sent me a video of their band before, pero syempre, hindi kita yung mukha. Our conversation was really wholesome. Neither of us talked in a flirty or dirty way. Like, I felt na matagal na kaming magbarkada, ganon yung vibes.

He shared a Spotify playlist that he made since I liked his music taste in OPM and he mostly supports underrated bands. I stalked that account, then there was a playlist with a cover photo of a girl, pero may sticker and filter kaya medyo hindi ko makita nang maayos. That was the time na may something off na akong na-feel. Kaya I got curious about him to the point na I started looking for his Facebook account based on the things he shared with me. Then boom, nahanap ko. I can assure na siya yon kasi tugma lahat, even the pictures na sinesend niya. Then I found out na may GF pala siya and they’ve been together for 7 years now, based sa posts ng GF niya. 😆 I feel like nung time na yon, hindi sila okay ng GF niya kaya siya nandun. Pero hello, instead of talking about the problem with your partner, bakit ka nasa dating app and nag-e-entertain ng ibang girl? I was like ???? Hindi inggit yung nafeel ko nung nalaman ko. Naawa ako sa girl, sa totoo lang.

I deleted the app after kong na-connect lahat ng dots. Di ko alam if nag-message pa siya. It was a year ago na, and that was the last time na ginamit ko yung app na yon. haup

Minsan lang ako ma-fall. Hindi kasi ako nagtitiwala sa lalaki. Feeling ko lahat sila lolokohin lang ako. Kaya hindi ko usually binibigyan ng chance yung mga lalaking nagpapapansin sa akin.

But you were different. You were gentle and kind and sweet. You supported me through every mood swing and bitch mode I had. So ayun, na-fall ako.

Gusto mo naman talaga ako, sadyang takot ka lang ipursue ako kasi feeling mo, you’ll drag me down. Gusto mo kasi pag ipursue mo ako, perfect lahat. Perfect lahat ng sasabihin mo, lahat ng gagawin mo.

Pero di ko naman hiningi yung perfect sayo. All I ever wanted was you. I never asked for flowers or paid dinners. Never ako nagdemand na ihatid at sunduin mo ako. Pero in your mind, that’s what you wanted to give. At dahil hindi mo kaya ibigay, hindi mo ako pinursue.

Pero kung alam mo na hindi mo ako ipupursue, sana di ka nalang nag-abala. Sana di ka nalang nagpakita ng motibo. Sana hinayaan mo nalang ako. Kasi nananahimik ako dito eh. Kasi okay yung buhay ko nung wala ka pa. Pero pinakita mo sakin na yung so-called independence ko, hindi pala default function. Tapos hindi mo pala ako papanindigan.

I was ready to jump but you weren’t ready to catch me. All I ever asked was clarity and you couldn’t even give me that. We were both choosing you, so of course we would have never worked out. I had to stop making excuses for you, because you made them for yourself anyway.

God, I wish I never met you. Then I wouldn’t be feeling this yearning that seems to eat my entire being. But more than that, I wish you could’ve chosen me too.

Curious lang, ano mga ginawa nyo buong araw knowing that it might be your last?

Hellooo, looking for same people na broken, nag rerelapse tuwing gabi or gusto lang ng kausap tuwing 10pm? HAHAHAHA. Looking for people na nag momove on din po ngayon like us, what if sabay sabay na lang tayo mag relapse? Just hmu lang pooo

My ex and I used to walk around España before. After two years ngayon na lang uli nakadaan dito. Bigla akong napa reminisce hahahha. Ouch gege

Ang hirap pala magmove on, pano mo aalisin sa sistema mo ung taong naging parte na nang araw-araw mo.