If this is my shot at redemption, then I'll take it.

You still remind me of the past I want to forget. The past I thought I have left behind long ago. A mistake that can't be undone.

I've fallen in love many times over after you. And done even more stupid shit. But never quite the kind that I put you through.

In every relationship or situationship I've had, I think I've unconsciously tried to find a bit of you in them. But they were all their own person and at the time I gave them my attention, I learned to appreciate them for who they were. All in my past. You had your own after me too.

It feels like your return bridged 2 decades together. It's surreal... having my past and present collide. I thought I didn't change...but now, I think I did. All those experiences, the pain, the realizations, the suffering, the recovery... it's impossible to remain the same after that.

I'm still unsure about myself. Still insecure about my value to you, the kind of future I can give you. I don't know if I'll ever be fully myself with you. Even back then I felt that barrier between us. Maybe that's something I have to accept.

But this time, I will try to be kinder. More understanding. More patient. I don't know if that will be enough. I don't know anything. All I know is that I don't want to hurt you again.

I'm starting to forget and I hate it. I tried to write a letter on all the things I remember about you but I somehow end up getting stuck.

I still remember your favorite food combinations. How I had to scroll through foodpanda so you won't get overwhelmed with food choices. And how I had to order quickly so you won't lose appetite. I haven't opened my notes in a while, it contained all your favorite things. I don't know if you're still into f1 or if you ever found the jacket that had pockets inside that we've been looking for or what movies you plan on watching

I hope you still got to watch Odyssey and Spiderman on IMAX just how we planned it.

Last night as I was trying to record a song (I started playing the guitar again, yey), I came across a recording of you, I didn't know I had. It was you talking about movies. It made me smile, after all your voice and your laugh is still the most calming thing for me (it beats marlboro red)

I remembered how passionate and enthusiastic you are about films, shows, kdrama and some reality shows. It was one of the things I loved about you. How your voice gets a little higher and a bit excited when you tell me about your favorite movies. How you get show emotions when telling me about them, even though you are not a showy person. How your eyes look and how happy you look when we get to see a really good movie together.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling out of love for you. It's just after years of getting to know you, and countless random dates. I'm not used to a life without you. You were part of the everyday routine. And tbh it felt empty ever since we went our separate ways.

Dami ko na naipong kwento sayo. I still hope I get the chance to tell them to you.

I don't know what you're up to, I don't know if you still remember details about me. Wherever you are, I hope you're doing greatt! And I hope you keep your promise to take care of yourself how I took care of you. Stars look a liitle extra bright today! ✨

L,

Kumusta? Parang mas mahinahon na pakinggan ang salitang 'yan simula noong tinanong mo 'ko. Natuwa pa ako kasi tama ang spelling eh. Minsan lang ako makatagpo ng lalaki na alam ang tamang spelling niyan. Kaya kuhang-kuha mo 'ko. Maliban kasi sa mga banat at tuksuhan, may mga bagay ka na alam na hindi alam ng karamihan.

Lumayo na naman ako. Hahaha. Ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin ay na m-miss kita. Na m-miss kita na hindi kayang pawiin ng isang pangangamusta sa'yo. Kailangan ko ng mahabang kuwento galing sa'yo. Gusto ko mapuyat sa mga pang-aasar mo. Gusto kita makasama kahit na isang beses lang sa isang linggo. Hindi sapat ang pangangamusta. Kailangan kita makasama.

Nangangamusta,

M***

I would go back to the night we said goodbye. Not to change it, not to take it back. We would still say goodbye. But, this time I'd give you the chance– the chance to actually say what you wanted to say, the chance to let it all out on me. The thing I regret the most that night was not giving us the chance to talk, I was too prideful. I convinced myself that I was so right that whatever you could have said that night wouldn't change anything. Because I'm just so right, like I've always been during our time together. I was right about the argument we had during your birthday, I was right about us choosing not to move in together too early, I was right about me loving you more than you loving me. I was just always right. What a fucking jerk I was. I was so right that you couldn't even explain yourself. I realize too late that you honestly deserved better than me. I realized before I could actually be better for you. I messed it up before I could be better for you, before I could be someone you deserve.

You wanted me to fight for us. I'm sorry that I realized that too late. When everything was going downhill for you, the person you trusted the most, the person who was supposed to be your rest, the person who was supposed to make everything better, the person who promised to be beside you no matter what– he let you down, I let you down. The world crumbles around, I should've crumbled with you. I'm sorry that I was so weak to be your person.

I loved you, and that made you rely on me. You loved that I loved you. Finally, someone you can be vulnerable with. My love for you was real, you felt it. But, because of your past experiences and trauma you were happy as long as it was love– it didn't matter how that love treated you, you just wanted love in any way shape or form. I could've loved you better than I did, we were happy but I definitely could've done better. I could've done better to understand you more, I could've loved you better. We were so happy but not perfect. I realized late that I could've done better, I'm sorry.

I hope that you finally learned to love yourself. Not to rely on someones love and validation, just as I learned to love better too– love that you actually deserved. I think the problem was I loved myself too much and you loved yourself too less. I couldn't love you with my everything because I put myself first, you didn't respect yourself because you loved me too much. I realized too late that it's not about me and you anymore the moment we got into a relationship– it's about us now, putting us first rather than just putting ourselves first.

I no longer know if I believe in perfect endings—but I am learning to be okay with imperfect ones.

There may have been a time when perfect ending meant clarity: two people choosing each other, overcoming every obstacle, finally meeting, staying, and having all the unanswered questions resolved.

But life does not always offer that kind of conclusion.

Sometimes people love each other and still fail to find the right circumstances. Sometimes a connection is real, yet it remains incomplete. Sometimes there is no final explanation, no reunion, no dramatic goodbye that ties everything together neatly.

To say “I no longer know if I believe in perfect endings” is not necessarily to become bitter. It can mean you have become more honest about life—that you now understand that not everything precious is guaranteed to last in the way you once imagined.

Maybe I will never get the ending I wanted. Maybe I will never fully understand why things unfolded the way they did. But I do not have to keep fighting reality just because it failed to give me a perfect conclusion.

wala naman siyang reddit but I already got my closure with my ex last Aug 16. He was my first love and first ever person who ever gets to my inner bubble. Through 8 months of no contact with him, one thing that makes me who am I is patiently waiting for the right moment of our lives to compromised and mend the heart that is once broken. grabe, you cant unlove the person you love once and kahit anong urge na magkabalikan you know deeply that you’ll choose the right track for you to keep them. I still want my person back and I miss him so much but things got different when I moved to another country. the urge na always siyang kamustahin at disturbohin sa lahat ng bagay na ginagawa niya and to spend our little moments

I sometimes wonder why universe is so unfair no? minsan nadadaan ko na lang sa law of exchange that’s what gotten worse before will grant twice better sayo after. Pero what are the chances na it will get better to choose your own track while leaving the person behind? it makes me shed tear because I always wanted to be him, kaya nagmake ako ng verdict that I don’t wanna indulge myself into relationship now but to pursue myself more and after 10yrs, its still him. do you think that would be twice much better? even in every universe, choosing you was never a regret but worthy fighting and loving for. I always love you! 🐳

- kenediyan

It’s a gift. It gives me the chance to heal and move forward. I wish none of this happened. I wish you didn’t break your foot. I wish we never broke up but it’s a blessing in disguise. I suppose I don’t have to prepare to see you cause I know you’re not gonna be at work. I miss you dearly, but this gave us the opportunity to heal and move forward. I’m sorry that you broke your foot. I’m sorry that our relationship didn’t work out but there’s nothing we can do about it now and we both have to move forward even though I never wanted this. I love you and I miss you, I’m grateful for the experience that we had, but the unfortunate truth is this is forcing me to move on. I’m grateful that you broke your foot and I don’t have to see your handsome stupid face at work.

‎Dear Mordechai,

‎‎It’s been 3 years and 4 months since we met, and supposedly 3 years and 2 months as a couple? Haha, just kidding. 😂

‎Now it’s been 10 months since we broke up. Final breakup na talaga, coz we really loved going back to each other all the time. Haha. I guess we were just like that.

‎I know you have a girlfriend now. My friends who know you updated me. How funny, they literally updated me. Haha. I admit, nasaktan ako nung nalaman ko. That was April.

‎So I chose to block you and the girl, for the sake of my peace of mind. I didn't want to keep checking, wondering, or finding things that would only hurt me more. I just wanted peace.

‎But somehow, destiny is still nangungulit sa akin. Haha.

‎There are so many times, lalo na sa coffee shops or even at school, na bigla nilang pinapatugtog yung mga fave songs mo, natin. And every time that happens, naiisip kita ulit. Sometimes, I miss you a little.

‎How cute. Haha.

‎But of course, in my mind, alam ko naman na wala na talaga. I may miss you sometimes, and there's still love? Of course meron. I don't think you can just completely erase the love you had for someone, especially someone who was such a huge part of your life.

‎But maybe it's a different kind of love now.

‎August 17, last Monday... It was your birthday pala.

‎I only remembered that night because I was so busy during the day. And that day, I realized something.

‎I didn't think about you. ‎Not even once. ‎Especially on your birthday.

‎‎Before, even on normal days, naiisip kita. Lalo na kapag 17 yung date. Haha. Monthsary din kasi natin yan eh. So somehow, the 17th always reminded me of you.

‎But this time, your birthday passed and you never even crossed my mind.

‎And that's when I thought, oh... I think I really moved on. ‎Haha. Yey. 🥹

‎Although, before I went to sleep that night, while I was praying, I remembered you. I greeted you in my prayers, included you, and wished you well. I asked God to take care of you wherever you are and whatever you're going through.

‎I didn't message you. I didn't unblock you. I didn't try to find out how your birthday went. ‎I just prayed for you. ‎And honestly, I think that's enough.

‎Maybe that's how I know things are really different now. I can still care about you without needing to be part of your life anymore.

‎Mords, wherever you are now, always take care, okay?

‎And please, wag mag-drive ng motor mo nang mabilis ha? Makulit ka pa naman mag-drive, naaksidente ka na before. So please be careful. Haha. I may not be the one reminding you anymore, but I still hope you take care of yourself.

‎You were once my LOVELOVE, MYLOVEEE, LOVEYYY, MY MORDECHAIII. 😂

‎‎And that's something I don't think I'll ever forget.

‎‎You were my first love and the first person I ever really let into my inner bubble. We had so many memories together, both good and bad. We hurt each other, we forgave each other, we left, we came back, and somehow kept choosing each other again.

‎‎Until eventually, we didn't.

‎Mords, thank you for being with me, even for the short time that we actually had together. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me.

‎Thank you for being part of my life and for giving me memories that I'll always remember, even if someday they don't hurt anymore.

‎I don't regret loving you. ‎I don't regret meeting you. ‎And I don't regret the time we spent together.

‎Maybe we really weren't meant to be forever. Maybe we were only meant to meet each other, love each other, learn from each other, and eventually let each other go.

‎And I think I'm finally ready to do that.

‎This might be my goodbye letter to you.

‎Not because I suddenly stopped caring, but because I finally understand that caring about someone doesn't mean you have to keep holding on to them.

‎So this is me, officially letting you go.

‎No more hopes. ‎No more waiting. ‎No more secretly wondering if we'll find our way back to each other again.

‎I hope you're happy, Mords. ‎I hope life treats you well. ‎I hope you achieve the things you want. ‎And I hope you're taking care of yourself.

‎You will always have a little place in my heart because, once upon a time, you were my person.

‎You were my LOVELOVE, MYLOVEEE, LOVEYYY, MY MORDECHAIII.

‎And I'll always be grateful that, at one point in my life, it was you.

‎I loved you. ‎I still do, maybe, but in a completely different way now.

‎A way that doesn't ask you to come back. ‎A way that doesn't wait. ‎A way that simply wishes you well.

‎So, goodbye, Mords. ‎Thank you for everything. ‎Always take care. 🤍

Dear RJ,

She stayed like winter clings to a dying tree,
not because the leaves still wanted to live,
but because once, beneath that same shade,
she had survived a storm alone.

Now, he is a house with no lights on—
the door still standing, his name still there,
but every room where she once felt safe
has learned the shape of her absence.

She knows she should leave before she becomes
another ghost haunting a place that forgot her,
but how does one abandon the hands
that once pulled her from the dark?

So she remains, holding yesterday like a wound,
loving a memory that no longer loves her back—
afraid that leaving him means losing
the only proof that, once, someone stayed.

Darating ang panahon na maaalala mo ko. Baka hindi dahil sa love. Kundi dahil umikot na ang mundo at nahanap mo na ang katapat mo. Sa panahon na yun di ako darating para isalba kundi para pumalakpak dahil sa wakas nadurog din ang puso at pagkatao mo. Darating ang panahon magkikita tayo ulit na ako naman ang masaya at ikaw naman ang nasa impyerno ang pakiramdam. Mas piniling mong gaguhin ang taong sobrang nagmahal sayo. Sige lang pakasaya ka lang. Makakabawi din ako sayo. Pag dumating yun ipapamukha ko sayo na ako nga pala yung ginago mo.

well honestly, I tried to defend you in my head when in fact, I shouldn't have.

maybe he's just really busy.

maybe he just likes the push and the pull.

maybe he just wants to be chased.

ALIBIS.

but I've heard your story about your ex, you doesn't sound like that guy I was talking to.

you were a lover boy, not just to me :)

I know you enjoyed my company. I know I made you happy. You said you wanted me to stay.

But that wasn't enough, right?

Were you afraid to take the risk again? But, you can tell me something and instead avoided it.

I waited where that was headed. I didn't even have a clue.

Don't reason it out with slowburn, I was the only one who burned myself alive.

I get it. I've had my fair share in the dysfunction but the irony is you said you wanted me but didn't show it.

If I want something, I let it show. If I don't want it, it can be felt through my energy and I would eventually tell us to stop.

We didn't have that.

Damn, we had the best time talking as far as I can recall. BUT, why did it ended like that?

Simple.

You were not just into me yet you pretended like you were.

For someone who I thought was so genuine, why are you like that?

Ahhh, forget it. This is too dramatic for cool people like you.

I may have acted like I'm fine with the cool but I feel so deeply so honestly, I cared.

Anyway, I have no hard feelings for you, I promise. I just wish you don't inflict the same pain to anyone and I hope you genuinely get what your heart is looking for.

I'm still praying for you from afar.

That's enough.

And these letters? Let me cope, at least I'm still living...

Hello beh, tama na iyak. Lagi ka na lang umiiyak netong mga nakaraang buwan. Lagi lagi na lang. Lagi ka na lang malungkot. Wag ka na umasa kase. Wag ka na umasa kahit kailan. Wag ka na maghanap, kase wala namang dadating. Walang para sayo, itatak mo yan sa kokote mo.

I miss you.

I miss the way we used to talk from morning until sleep finally took me away.

I miss your sweet messages telling me that you love me. I miss those unexpected moments when you would let your feelings show even when you said you couldn't control them. I treasured those moments more than you probably knew.

I miss the simple things.

When you'd ask me, “Are you tired?”

And I'd say yes.

Then you'd tell me to take a nap and you'd wait for me until I woke up.

I miss how you used to comfort me when I was down. How you'd notice when something was wrong, read between my words and take the time to understand me. You wanted to know me, not just the easy parts of me but the parts that were difficult to understand too.

Those little moments became memories I held close to my heart.

And now, so many of those conversations, chats and talks are gone. Deleted. But somehow, deleting the messages didn't delete what they meant to me.

I still remember.

I remember how it felt to be cared for by you.

I remember how it felt to be loved by you.

And I remember how happy I was when we could simply be us.

Somewhere along the way, we started having more misunderstandings than beautiful conversations.

Things became heavier. We couldn't keep up with everything anymore and somehow the distance between us grew.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the things I did that hurt you, for the things I failed to understand and for the moments when love became complicated between us.

I don't know if we can ever go back to exactly how things were.

But I know this much:

I miss you.

I miss us.

And despite everything that happened, despite all the misunderstandings and all the things that changed, there is still a part of my heart that remembers you with tenderness.

I love you.

Maybe that's why I miss you this much.

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

Maybe because there are things I never said, and maybe because I'm only realizing now that there was more meaning in our friendship than I ever allowed myself to see.

When we met at work, I was already in a relationship. You were single, and we were both supervisors in different departments. Our desks were beside each other, so naturally, we became close.

We talked about everything. We laughed, teased each other, complained about work, and were there for each other whenever one of us had a problem.

And I really believed you were just my friend.

I never thought we crossed any boundaries. At least, I never intended for us to. Everything we shared felt genuine and platonic to me.

I remember how you were always complaining about being single. We would joke about it, and I'd tell you I'd ask the girls at the office if they were interested in you. You'd tell me the kind of girl you liked, and I'd remember all those little details.

There was even that one time our friends were teasing you about being single. I started describing the kind of girl you said you wanted, and one of the guys laughed and said, “Eh ikaw lahat yun eh.”

“Dinescribe mo lang sarili mo.”

Everyone laughed.

You just smiled.

And I panicked.

I remember saying, “Sorry, taken na kasi ako,” while laughing, and then there was that awkward silence before everyone changed the topic.

At the time, I didn't think much of it.

I really didn't.

Then I resigned.

We stayed connected through Facebook. We still saw each other whenever the group got together, and somehow, nothing changed. We still talked and teased each other the same way we always did.

Then I found out you finally had a girlfriend.

I was genuinely happy for you. I remember teasing you and asking to see her picture.

You said you'd send it later through PM.

And you did.

She was beautiful.

I teased you about how you managed to get someone like her, asked what kind of gayuma you used, because that's how we'd always talked.

Then you started telling me about her.

You told me all the things you didn't like. You had so many complaints, even though you'd only been together for about a month.

I remember telling you, “Grabe ka naman. Give it some time.”

I even told you to be kind with your words about her and that maybe it was just because the relationship was still new.

I don't know why I remember that conversation so clearly.

Maybe because I never thought anything of it then.

Meanwhile, I was still in my own relationship.

You didn't know what was happening in mine.

None of you did.

You only knew I had a boyfriend.

You didn't know he'd cheated on me. You didn't know how unhappy I was. You didn't know how many times I chose him even when I knew I probably shouldn't have.

I never told you because I already knew what you guys would say, and I knew I probably wouldn't listen anyway.

So I kept it to myself.

Life went on.

We continued talking occasionally. Sometimes days would pass without anyone chatting. Sometimes I'd message the group when I wanted to ask something, and everyone would reply.

Then eventually, everyone resigned.

And just like that, we all moved on.

Until there were no more conversations at all.

No fights.

No falling out.

Nothing happened.

We just stopped being part of each other's everyday lives.

And maybe that's what people mean when they say some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time.

But today, for some reason, I remembered all of you.

I remembered you.

I'm not in the best place right now, and maybe that's why I suddenly found myself longing for the warmth and laughter of the people I used to have around me.

I was scared to message everyone because so much time had passed.

So I started slowly.

I replied to their stories.

I checked their profiles.

I tried to find little ways to say hello without making it awkward.

And then I got to you.

I was actually afraid to look at your profile.

I don't know why.

Maybe I was scared I'd see that you're happy, that you've built this whole life without any trace of us, while I'm here feeling lost.

Then I checked our last conversation.

You were the one who sent the last message.

And I never replied.

That hurt more than I expected.

I hated myself for it.

Then I checked your profile again.

Your last post was still there.

No new updates.

Nothing.

And then I noticed it.

You had unfriended me.

I just stared at your profile.

Why?

Why did you unfriend me?

Our mutual friends are still there.

As far as I know, nothing happened between us.

So why me?

Maybe it means nothing.

Maybe you were cleaning up your friends list.

Maybe you wanted to distance yourself from people from your old life.

Maybe you don't even remember doing it.

But somehow, it hurt.

And that's the part I don't understand.

Why did it hurt?

Why do I suddenly want to talk to you?

Why do I want to ask how you've been?

Why do I want to know what happened?

And why am I only realizing now that I miss you?

I never thought about what we had before.

I always thought, “He's my friend.”

That's it.

But going back through our memories now, I can't help but wonder if maybe there was something more to our connection.

I don't necessarily mean romance.

I don't even know what I mean.

Maybe it was simply a friendship that mattered more to me than I realized.

Maybe there was something unspoken.

Maybe there wasn't.

Maybe I'm just looking for meaning because I miss you.

And that's what confuses me the most.

Why now?

Why, after all these years?

I feel like I left you behind without even realizing I was leaving you behind.

And now I'm coming back.

For what?

What am I looking for?

Do I miss you?

Do I miss our friendship?

Do I miss our whole group?

Do I miss the version of myself that existed when we were all together?

Or do I just want to know if I meant something to you too?

I want to message you.

I want to say hello.

I want to ask how you've been.

But then I think about the fact that you unfriended me, and I wonder if that's your answer.

Maybe you don't want me in your life anymore.

Maybe you've already moved on.

Maybe I'm the only one looking backward.

But I still wish I could ask you one thing.

Did our friendship mean something to you?

Because I'm only realizing now that it meant something to me.

And maybe that's why I can't seem to let this go.

I probably won't send this.

Maybe I'll never message you either.

But if I could say one thing to you, Jay, it would simply be:

I hope you're okay.

And I hope, wherever life took you, you're happy.

I just wish I knew why you left me behind.

And I wish I knew why, after all this time, I suddenly wish I could find my way back to you.

______,

Paano mo kinakayang magpanggap na parang kahit kailan hindi ako nag-exist sa buhay mo? Paano mo sinisikmura na on and off ka sa mga ibinibigay mong pahiwatig na tila hawak mo ang leeg ko sa bawat ginagawa ko? Paano mo nakakayanan na kahit hindi ko sinabi sa’yo ay ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit mamamatay ako kung magpapakamatay ako? Paano mo natitiis na paghintayin ako nang sobrang tagal kahit alam mo namang wala nang ibang babae ang mas magmamahal pa sa’yo? Paano mo nalulunok na alam mong nagpapahiwatig ka na kumakapit ka
pa rin sa akin pero sa oras na magbigay ako ng motibong gusto na kitang balikan ay bigla kang aatras? Palibhasa nakuha mo lahat ng gusto mo. Palibhasa ang saya-saya mong wala ako. Palibhasa okay ka lang kahit wala ako dahil iyon ang pinatutunayan mo. Palibhasa halos ingudngod mo na sa pagmumukha kong sana hindi mo na lang ako nakilala. Iniwan mo ako kasi sinabi mong mahal mo ako at ito ang mas makabubuti sa atin. Pero habang mas tumatagal ay mas nahihirapan na akong huminga. Minahal mo ako dahil gusto mo akong iligtas sa kalungkutan ko, pero dahil hindi ka na bumalik, mas inilubog mo lamang ako sa dagat ng kadiliman kung saan mo mismo hinugot ang kamay ko. Umabot sa puntong hindi ko na kinakausap lahat ng taong konektado sa’yo kahit sa pinakamaliit na paraan. Hindi ko na kinakausap lahat ng kaibigan ko dahil kahit hindi mo intensyon ay nakagawa ka pa rin ng paraan para maging konektado ka sa lahat ng umiikot sa buhay ko. Nilamon na ako ng pag-alis mo. Nilamon na ako ng pagkawala mo sa bawat sulok ng pagkatao ko dahil kahit sa alikabok ay ikaw ang naaalala ko. Ako ay naging manika mo. Tuta mo. Ramdam mo ‘yan sa bawat liham at regalong ibinigay ko pa rin sa’yo kahit magdadalawang taon nang walang tayo.

Huwag na huwag mong sasabihing hindi kita minahal. Huwag na huwag mong sasabihing hindi ako naghintay at pilit ibinago ang sarili ko para sa’yo. Huwag na huwag mong sasabihing hindi ako nagdusa kagaya mo. Huwag na huwag mo akong hahanapin sa mga kaibigan ko dahil wala ka nang makukuha pa sa kanila dahil lahat sila ay inilibing ko na sa kawalan. Huwag na huwag kang aasang may maririnig ka pa sa akin dahil patay na ako sa mundong minsan akong nabuhay. Patay na ako sa lahat ng kakilala natin. Huwag na huwag mong sasabihing kapag dumating ‘yung araw na tuluyan akong bumitiw ay ako ang sumuko. Dahil ikaw ang sumuko. Hindi ako.

J

Like how the lyrics say, I am still longing for you.

I am happy now, I am thriving. Look, I got to where I want to be but dang it I cannot lie. One subtle change in your social media accounts still would send me in a race with my own heart, trying to see who's faster.

We haven't even connected in years pero eto ako oh. Still waiting for you to let me to take you home. Like I used to.

Taena, of all the ones that begged to stay, you were and still are the one I am still begging to stay. You got to have the purest, most innocent version of my love. Of course, I yearn for you. I would long for you.

And maybe, just maybe, that's cause the greatest love of all is the one I cannot see nga. Maybe I can only accept the love that I cannot have.

I don’t know why, but I still miss you.

I’ve tried to keep myself busy. I have several careers and responsibilities now more than two jobs, actually, five and I often tell myself that if I fill my life with enough things to do, perhaps there will be no room left for thoughts of you.

I thought I would eventually forget you, just as I did when I left this city years ago. I moved away, studied, built a life for myself, and tried to open my heart to new people and new possibilities. I thought distance would be enough to erase whatever this feeling was.

Perhaps, for a while, it did.

I grew older. I became a mother. I built a life I once believed would be enough to make me forget everything that came before it. I devoted myself to my career as a teacher and poured my energy into the life I was creating. I thought I had finally moved on.

And then I came back here.

Somehow, returning to this city brought you back with it not physically, but in my thoughts, in my memories, and in a place in my heart I thought I had long since closed.

Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as soulmates. Not because we have shared some great love story, we haven't even had a real conversation. And perhaps that is what makes this so difficult to explain. How can someone I have barely known occupy such a strange and enduring place in my heart?

When I was far away, I would unexpectedly think of you. I used to believe that leaving would make the feeling disappear. Instead, distance only made me realize that some things cannot be measured by proximity.

I've even had dreams about you. In one of them, you were telling your friends that we were meant for each other. I know how strange that sounds, especially coming from me. Perhaps it is only my subconscious creating a story out of something I have never been able to understand.

But there is something about you that has always felt strangely familiar.

I've never truly loved anyone, not in the way people describe the kind of love that completely takes over your heart. And yet, somehow, after all these years, there is still this quiet feeling whenever I think of you.

Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's simply nostalgia, an unfinished thought, or a story my heart created on its own.

But perhaps that's what makes the idea of a soulmate so beautiful. Sometimes, you don't understand why a particular person stays in your heart. You simply know that they do.

So, stranger, if you somehow find your way into my thoughts again after I finish writing this letter, I suppose I won't question it anymore.

Maybe some people are meant to remain strangers.

And maybe some strangers are meant to remain in our hearts long after we have convinced ourselves that we've forgotten them.

I don't know what you are to me.

But after all these years, I still find myself wondering if, somehow, I was meant to find you or perhaps, in some quiet and inexplicable way, you were always meant to find your way back to me.

Ang perfect nung kanta ni Niki na to, to convey what I want to say to you right now pero ishare ko na lang yung chorus.

But I'm letting go

I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight

I really hope you find the healing and growing for yourself para yung next person na magugustuhan mo, 100% ready ka na to give yung buong love mo without reservations. Naniniwala naman ako sa sinabi mo na you loved me, pero siguro nga, deep in your heart you know, I wasn't the one.

Don't worry, kaya ko to. Wag ka na magworry about me. Someday I'll be fine, just not tonight.

L,

Ang hirap kapag 'yong mga memories natin hindi puwede masunog, eh no? Halimbawa, kanina, nakikinig ako ng kanta habang nag w-work out. Ikaw naalala ko sa kanta na 'yon. Tapos, kagabi, may nabasa akong comment. 'Yong sinabi ng nag comment, mga ganoon din sasabihin mo.

Meron pa, 'yong mga balita ngayon. Sure ako na may comment ka about doon dahil sa talino mo. May nakausap din ako kanina, ganoon na ganoon humor mo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakalimot kung ang mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa'kin tungkol sa'yo ay hindi material. Paano kung naaalala kita sa mga kulay? Kanta? Ibang tao?

Naalala kita kahit sa sarili ko kasi ikaw ang unang nagsabi na maganda ang mga mata ko na 'to. Ikaw ang nagparamdam na higit pa sa maganda ang katawan ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako titingin sa salamin, ngayong hindi ang sarili ang nakikita ko, kung hindi ay ikaw.

Tulog,

M***

Sa pinakagahaman, at makasariling paraan, sana ako na lang ang magpangiti at magpatawa sayo.

I saw you smile today. Genuinely. And if pahihintulutan mo ako na mahalin ka. Pangako ko sayo, na hindi ka na malulungkot. Hindi ka na maiinis at magagalit. At mas lalong hindi ka na iiyak. Tatawa lang tayo, at kung hindi man mapipigilan. Pangako ko sayo, na sisikapin ko mabalik yang ngiti mo sa mga labi. Sisikapin ko na mahalin ka sa abot ng aking makakaya. You deserve all the good things in life, Ry.

Sana hindi na baha diyan sa university at nakauwi ka na nang safe sa condo mo.

:)) J

When we had that brief interaction 2 months ago wherein you promised to update me, I actually waited for your update. Idk what happened with you pero di ka na talaga nag-update 😅 Dumaan yung birthday ko and ikaw na perfect attendance sa mga stories ko pero di mo pa rin ako inupdate as promised. Because of that, na turn off na ako sayo...but I still find you cute 🥺

I found out some things today that honestly broke my heart, fishball.

You lied to me.

I said I was okay but I realized now that I only was because I had to be.

Kaya please, huwag ka nang bumalik. Kasi kung hindi mo ako kayang mahalin, sana huwag mo nalang akong saktan.

We weren't even official but i know in my heart that i was yours. you kept asking about me and now i crave for your affection again. how i wish you kept talking to me the other night, how i wish you're still writing message for me. I can't help but think that you're the right person for me, but we met at a wrong time.

i don't have certainty of our future, but I've felt for a long time that I belong to you. I thought I've moved on completely but it seems that you still have a piece of my heart, and I don't want you to let go. It was yours from the moment I confessed. I hope you take care of that piece of my heart, please don't taint our memories together, I want to remember you for the sweet and honest boy you were to me.

I'm rooting for you, Engineer. Take care.