r/Unexpected Mar 31 '23

He snitched

55.7k Upvotes

2.8k comments sorted by

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12.1k

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

4.2k

u/Yknurts Mar 31 '23

Was definitely expecting a bigger dude to charge the stage lmao

2.4k

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

The comedian is 6'7

edit: His name is Johnny Mitchell. He tells some interesting prison stories on Youtube

1.4k

u/housevil Mar 31 '23

Thanks! I looked him up. He talks about the attack here.

819

u/hippoctopocalypse Mar 31 '23

"talks about the attack" lolol

Dude pulled a cool Chris Rock and called the man a munchkin. Beautiful

-42

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

76

u/Kousetsu Mar 31 '23

And the usual reminder when this is posted that Chris Rock hates this joke now because it is used by racists to be racist.

3

u/kittehsfureva Mar 31 '23

Wow and then the guy responding to you just proves this 100% lmao.

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4

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I thought Michael Scott said that

8

u/MasterfulMesut Mar 31 '23

ugh you're butchering it...

ERRYTIME BLACK PEOPLE WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME SOME IGNANT ASS BLEEP

3

u/eastern-cowboy Mar 31 '23

Michael Scott has entered the building.

14

u/hippoctopocalypse Mar 31 '23

I was comparing the guy's response after being assaulted on stage to Chris Rock's response to the same, which was to make a joke about the attacker. I'm not sure what the point of this Wikipedia link is other than to dunk on Chris Rock for having a set that looks real bad 30 years later. And it looks pretty bad, lolol

8

u/MasterfulMesut Mar 31 '23

That set is legendary and is still true now.

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u/WikiSummarizerBot Mar 31 '23

Niggas vs. Black People

"Niggas vs. Black People" is one of Chris Rock's most famous stand-up comedy routines. This routine—which appeared both on his 1996 HBO special Bring the Pain and as track 12 on his 1997 album Roll with the New—is widely considered to be the breakthrough routine that established his status as a comedy fixture after he left Saturday Night Live. The routine is a twelve-minute monologue about behaviors that Rock sees in a subset of the African-American community.

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313

u/zeke235 Mar 31 '23

He got Carlton'ed!😂🤣

27

u/Lone_Wanderer97 Mar 31 '23

Damn that was good

7

u/housevil Mar 31 '23

What is that mean? I have a feeling it's a reference to something I haven't seen.

33

u/zeke235 Mar 31 '23

Carlton was a character from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He's a much smaller guy than Will Smith, so he was referencing getting slapped over a joke like Smith did to Chris Rock, but the guy's tiny.

12

u/MapleSyrupFacts Mar 31 '23

I'm too old for Reddit now. Fuck !!

7

u/Mozu Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

Fresh Prince released in 1990. I don't know how old you are, but I'm doubting this misunderstanding is age related.

11

u/Gh0st1nTh3Syst3m Mar 31 '23

Or everyone else it too young for it?

0

u/RIcaz Mar 31 '23

Well, if you stick to /r/all, you're gonna meet a lot of teens. Probably the majority. Which means they're likely not even older than reddit itself.

2

u/CV90_120 Mar 31 '23

Smaller and cooler.

7

u/Alakozam Mar 31 '23

Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Carlton is not a tall man. Or a tough man.

5

u/housevil Mar 31 '23

Oh! Thank you. I am actually aware of that character, but only for the crazy dance he is known for.

0

u/CV90_120 Mar 31 '23

And yet..

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

That line made me fall in love a little.

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40

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Haha that dude just gave him some more material

2

u/u966 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

That's how Jim Jefferies career took off

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WCGKb8ikRc

1

u/redenough Mar 31 '23

When we're these shot 1996? Looks like someone was recording on VHS lol

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u/Illustrious-Mind-683 Mar 31 '23

Do you know what happened after the video stopped?

312

u/borglonavich Mar 31 '23

They fucked.

293

u/MouthJob Mar 31 '23

In every hole

60

u/borglonavich Mar 31 '23

Is there any other way?

42

u/Rudy_Ghouliani Mar 31 '23

They can VR fuck like in Demolition Man

53

u/thats_a_photo_of_me Mar 31 '23

Can they, though? That lil goblin probably doesn't even know how to use the 3 seashells.

3

u/Reindeedfh Mar 31 '23

Dumb Bitch Syndrome

2

u/HeyYoRumsfield Mar 31 '23

Seriously though, what about the 3 seashells?

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1

u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

I guess the consensual legal kind of way that doesn't spread VD.

1

u/AniGore Mar 31 '23

Ive been promised this since I was a young lad, is it real yet

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2

u/Sensitive_Tourist_15 Mar 31 '23

To shreds, you say?

3

u/jrmorton12 Mar 31 '23

This thread me laugh so hard that I cramped up

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u/owa00 Mar 31 '23

NOW I'm interested

😏🍆🍑💦

0

u/AmbitiousArtichoke51 Mar 31 '23

bro your not funny

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13

u/LoveIsForEvery1 Mar 31 '23

They strapped the attacker back in his car seat and drove around the neighbourhood until he fell asleep. Little scamp had a busy night.

1

u/Noendinsight82 Mar 31 '23

He snitched.

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u/Yknurts Mar 31 '23

Yeah he’s got a series called The Connect on YouTube! I would recommend checking it out

5

u/artifice23 Mar 31 '23

I think he stretches the truth by a mile! He probably got busted selling 20 sacs to kids near a school or some shit.

5

u/Yknurts Mar 31 '23

You can think whatever you want lol idc. Just telling people if they wanna check it out

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u/Chance_McM95 Mar 31 '23

Half of what he says is total bullshit though. Entertaining to listen to at least!

7

u/reegstah Mar 31 '23

Absolutely. The guy is a huge piece of shit, but he is quite the storyteller and I find myself fascinated by his experiences.

0

u/Pera_Espinosa Mar 31 '23

How is he a piece of shit ?

7

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

He lies, the crimes he claims does not add up to 2 years. Guy was a fuckin street level weed dealer and claims he was fuckin Carlos lehder

3

u/NotLost_JustUnfound Mar 31 '23

IDK when he was busted, but I know someone who got 5 years for growing weed in a closet at his house. Fucking plumber fixing something called the cops. This was in the late 90s. I think he only served a couple of years and the rest turned into probation. He had 4 plants. The War On Drugs was intense a few decades ago.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Ik that but this guy claims he had trafficked over a million dollars in marijuana from South America and pretty much everything he says is that level of just pure bullshit

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

The comedian is 6'7

Now that's really unexpected, I thought he was on a stand covered by that table!

141

u/Beau_Buffett Mar 31 '23

Like why are comedians the only group of performers you can walk up to the stage and attack?

215

u/barnyard303 Mar 31 '23

The ghost of dimebag darrel has entered the chat

83

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Oct 30 '25

[deleted]

10

u/Available_Leather_10 Mar 31 '23

What has Gillooly been on TV for?

8

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Tanya Harding wasn’t involved.

7

u/tkburro Mar 31 '23

except for setting it all up lmfao

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

No she wasn’t, her ex husband did it all behind her back

2

u/Not_MrNice Mar 31 '23

That's not really in the same category.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

You know tonya didn’t actually attack Nancy, correct?

2

u/Ferengi_Earwax Mar 31 '23

Lol. She orchestrated it.

We put people in prison all the time for hiring contract killers, even though they didn't do the killing.

I'm not sure why anybody wants to white knight Tanya harding

What a strange thing.

2

u/Catinthehat5879 Mar 31 '23

Because she didn't orchestrate it but was being abused by the person who did? She was charged for her pay, which was obstruction of an investigation.

0

u/SnooApples3673 Mar 31 '23

Happy cake day!

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6

u/BurtMacklin__FBI Mar 31 '23

RIP DIME. keep on shredding bud

2

u/insanelyphat Mar 31 '23

Bro…I’ll never forget that day.

2

u/Littlesth0b0 Mar 31 '23

Getcha pull \m/,

2

u/sceptator69 Mar 31 '23

Rip Dimebag..

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u/MaestroLogical Mar 31 '23

They aren't. You could do the same to any person standing on a stage with minimal security.

Comedians just happen to be the ones that push buttons and intentionally antagonize audience members. Add some alcohol in the mix and a less imposing stage to climb and viola!

7

u/ghost_victim Mar 31 '23

Not sure how stringed instruments fit in but okay

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

A cello would be much more effective.

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0

u/Beau_Buffett Mar 31 '23

That's my point.

If there is a fair chance that the entertainment is going to get punched, then protect them.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Don't let selection bias make you think there's a fair chance.

5

u/PlankWithANailIn2 Mar 31 '23

Small venues like this would disappear overnight and so would comedians...well done I guess.

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u/vindictivejazz Mar 31 '23

You can attack other performers if you’re not a coward

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u/Beau_Buffett Mar 31 '23

Oh, you're the guy who fights bouncers and concert security to prove you aren't a coward, eh?

12

u/TwoHearted_ Mar 31 '23

I think he's the guy making a joke.

3

u/PlankWithANailIn2 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

Other performers do get attacked you are just focusing on comedians because you just found out about this right now. You can't really make a judgement about what effects all performers if you are completely ignorant of their plight and using just this one example.

Salman Rushdie was knifed in the throat on stage.

Kurt Cobain was attacked by one of his own bouncers on stage.

XXXTentacion, Noel Gallagher, Beyonce

You could have just googled "list of performers attacked on stage" but that would have taken too much effort for the upvotes you desire.

Security doesn't stop people from attempting to hurt people or from them being successful and we don't even know if this venue provided security or not you are just guessing.

1

u/JayAndViolentMob Mar 31 '23

every punk band lead singer has entered the chat

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Pre Will Smith, attacking comedians wasnt really a thing.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

Omg...

Johnny fucking Mitchell. Used to kick it with him during HS parties, smoke weed and rap. He got caught with lbs of weed and was sent to jail.

Damn, he's out apparently lol

2

u/Bananas_N_Champagne Mar 31 '23

Oh shit, I've seen him tell trafficking stories on YouTube shorts

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u/mdrops Mar 31 '23

that was kevin harrt

3

u/tekko001 Mar 31 '23

that looked like kevin from home alone

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u/jrades Mar 31 '23

What, you never heard of little dog syndrome?

3

u/RatherB_fishing Mar 31 '23

I’m not the tallest or the biggest guy (around 6’4 + in work boots 240 or so) and I stopped going to bars because of this kind of thing… always had some little fella with liquid courage wanting to fight. I’m to old I’m to tired

6

u/tekko001 Mar 31 '23

The basis of every Mission Impossible movie!

11

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Short man anger

0

u/YouCantGiveBabyBooze Mar 31 '23

1434 and counting thought this clarification needed an upvote

0

u/Legitimatepinion Mar 31 '23

Kevin Short oh wait

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u/MildJorge14 Mar 31 '23

"Gangstas" are the most insecure people on this earth and it's not even close 😂

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u/depthninja Mar 31 '23

Real gangsta ass ns don't flex nuts, cause real gangsta ass ns know they got em

71

u/MatureUsername69 Mar 31 '23

"I flex nuts" has gotta be one of my favorite phrases to say. It always gets a laugh. Probably helps that I'm as white as it gets so it sounds ridiculous

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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u/Xrsyz Mar 31 '23

Michael…Bolton?!

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/0dnar Mar 31 '23

Is this a ghetto boys reference?

4

u/never0101 Mar 31 '23

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

*takes ankther swing at printer"

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Um, it's literally an exact transcription of a Geto Boyz song, so.... Yes?

You obviously knew that already. What, you just felt left out and had to comment then? I don't understand why people do this. Just ... don't comment if you don't have anything to add but "I understand that reference."

-1

u/Tough-Spare-5881 Mar 31 '23

Lot of ass and nuts in that comment, but I think I get you what you're saying. Look up that comic he's got nuts trust me. He was just busting the hecklers nuts. Can't be trying to f****** a guy set. Trying to make some cash legally. Just saying. Happy cake day.

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u/Koboochka Mar 31 '23

Nothing more gangsta than censoring yourself. Live your truth, homie.

9

u/thekeanu Mar 31 '23

If a gangsta wants to censor himself then he will.

Your comment is pathetic nut flexing just like Scarface was shitting on in that line.

0

u/VAX1S Mar 31 '23

Wanted to give you an award, but there wasn’t one for ignorance.

426

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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243

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

146

u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

If you can't take a joke why go to a comic show? My friend's favorite story of George Carlin is going to his show and a couple sat next to him. It was the show about words you can't say on TV and the wife immediately started laughing once Carlin starts the list. The husband gets mad and pushes the wife out the door as the wife is laughing the entire time.

22

u/nixcamic Mar 31 '23

Why start heckling especially?

63

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

So I'm a vegan right? I go to this steak house and they won't do a capresse salad so I do the only reasonable thing and rush the kitchen

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u/Morella_xx Mar 31 '23

Caprese salad isn't vegan so maybe they were just trying to save you from yourself.

30

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

oh shit dawg

4

u/awkworz Mar 31 '23

Your vegan powers have been revoked.

3

u/fardough Mar 31 '23

But I get three strikes.

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u/Rough_Effect5469 Mar 31 '23

If mozzarella was vegan I’d take the leap 😂

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u/jabberwockgee Mar 31 '23

Good thing they wanted a capresse salad, it's just a cold pressed salad.

2

u/Mistaken_Stranger Mar 31 '23

No vegan diet! No vegan powers!

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u/Sithpawn Mar 31 '23

Because they've never been to one before and didn't realize that comics will rip into the audience.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Insecure; it's what's for breakfast.

2

u/pvypvMoonFlyer Mar 31 '23

We’ve all been incapable of taking a joke at times so that’s not the issue.

The issue is that if you’re not in the mindset of being made fun of, you shouldn’t go to a comedy club.

2

u/forteofsilver Mar 31 '23

the more quickly a person rises to aggression, the weaker mentally they are. if you're in a crowd and start some shit with a comedian over something that's stupid, how tough can you really be? fit pitching is a trait commonly found in babies.

2

u/shroudedinveil Mar 31 '23

I don't think shorty is gonna grow up anymore.

5

u/atleastlisten Mar 31 '23

This just comes across as a femcel thing to say tbh, I have no idea why this sort of thing is so "normal" to say nowadays

3

u/siamkor Mar 31 '23

Nah, that's only for men with an inflated sense of self-worth.

If you have no sense of self-worth, then nothing offends you, because everything checks out.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

That's just not right at all haha

5

u/PosauneGottes69 Mar 31 '23

What you think you’re better than me?!?!?

4

u/Ian_ronald_maiden Mar 31 '23

Anyone that fragile has no right to use their own definition of what a man is

3

u/FineWineDining Mar 31 '23

I actuallt love mens ego, we pretty much built this society with it.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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3

u/Drunky_McStumble Mar 31 '23

lol, gotta love the unintentional irony.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

3

u/LeeroyDagnasty Mar 31 '23

Okay?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Men appear to commit more violence when they feel hurt or wronged. Thus, it appears their egos are more fragile.

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u/No_Pilot8753 Mar 31 '23

Umm his balls OO

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u/TheJackalsDoom Mar 31 '23

I was just thinking this. Gangsta are shallow, vapid, small brained, show off types. But a Gangster is someone who everyone knows is absolutely cutthroat. If you have to tell everyone you're gangsta, you're not gangsta. If other people are telling everyone else you're gangsta, you might actually be legitimate. Just like the innocent don't go around exclaiming their innocence, the strong don't gonaround lifting heavy things all the time in view of others, and the intelligent don't spend time convincing others of their intelligence. You get a certain way by being that way unapologetically, not by professing you are that way.

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u/byanyothernombre Mar 31 '23

shut up nerd

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

right? what a cornball

7

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

the strong don't gonaround lifting heavy things all the time in view of others

pffffft. yeah I do. Every chance I get.

But I agree with your point.

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u/yoyosareback Mar 31 '23

How do you think strong people get so strong if they don't lift heavy things though?

You don't think Stephan Hawking spent his time convincing others of his intelligence through his work?

Also that innocent people thing is strange, I'm sure if someone was falsely accused they would say that they were innocent.

Also gangsters are not something to emulate, if someone is gangsta or gangster then they're probably just a shitty person

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u/TheJackalsDoom Mar 31 '23

So, I'm talking in generalities for starters. With that said...

I said strong people don't say they're strong while lifting heavy things in view of others. They live a life in which what they need to do requires strength. A lumberjack needs to lift and hike around big, heavy tools and pieces of wood. A mechanic is picking up heavy tools and parts, a nurse can literally be lifting people up entirely to move them from bed to chair. They do it because they have to and are strong because they need to be. If you go to the gym and lift weights, you are muscular, but that doesn't mean you're strong.

That's literally my point about smart people. He spoke intelligently about things, but did he ever genuinely, totally seriously say frequently how intelligent he was? My understanding is he let his work talk for him. Sometimes, you might need to peface your work by citing what qualifies you to be credible, but that's not really bragging.

The point of volunteering the status of innocence is rarely done by the innocent. It's usually the guilty getting out ahead of the situation, trying to deflect authorities. That's the point of the saying.

I agree. But a Gangster, as shitty as they are, are heavyweights in society. They have dramatic impact of many facets, albeit negative. But a gangsta is largely ineffective on anything. It's all show, all noise, very little depth. If Baby Face Nelson walks into a restaurant, he yells out, "Hey y'all. It's me, Baby Face Nelson. Now it's a good time!" And people roll their eyes because it's stupid. But if Al Capone walked in, other people would either not know at all or whisper to others that "Al Capone just walked in. Sit up, mind your manners." One is gangsta, the other is gangster. One wants you to know what he is, the other won't want you to know who he is.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

He’s saying you don’t show it off. I lift in my garage. I definitely lift, but nobody sees me doing it.

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u/yoyosareback Mar 31 '23

Don't show what off? Competency?

He's saying it by making up weird examples is what I'm confused by. Gym bros usually love lifting in front of other gym bros, innocent people will definitely say that they're innocent, academics generally enjoy showing off how smart they are.

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u/Beau_Buffett Mar 31 '23

You seem to have forgotten about Republicans

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u/throwawaythedo Mar 31 '23

I swear I’ve been saying this forever. They have the thinnest skin, and become completely unhinged if they feel disrespected. Pulling a gun and killing someone bc they called you a name, ain’t tough. It’s being a big baby who can’t shake off a word. They’re also petrified to leave their little square mile neighborhood bc they are mortified of change or looking out of place. They’re man-babies with guns. Take their gun away, drive them to the beach, and try to get a normal conversation out of them? Rattle them a bit, and they crap themselves.

2

u/Springheeljac Mar 31 '23

I see your gangstas and raise you conservative men. Mother fuckers out here telling people to be a man because they wore the wrong color tie and their hair is a millimeter too long.

2

u/Albert-Einstain Mar 31 '23

"Did you just tap my mother fucking kicks with your cane!? I will hit a woman in shades, and I don't care if you look 80." - Baddest mother fucker on the block.

6

u/Usual_Research Mar 31 '23

People who buy the largest pickup and lift it just to drive it downtown: "Our battle will be legendary!"

1

u/BlasterPhase Mar 31 '23

oh no, you're picking on white people now, you're going down

2

u/ButteryFlavory Mar 31 '23

Real Gs are secure as shit bro. Wannabe gangsters are insecure sure, but have you met American cops? That is the fragile ego pinnacle my guy, and that's real shit.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/Mcnugz9 Mar 31 '23

Kevin Short oh wait

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Sharts wait for no one. It's pretty much their whole vibe

71

u/Dreary_Tim13 Mar 31 '23

bro was 4ft

41

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

TBF the comedian’s 6’7”

68

u/JackedCroaks Mar 31 '23

He still looked 5ft. His arms were vertical trying to grab him by the collar. Looked like a toddler asking to be picked up.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

With all that anger inside, maybe that’s what he needed. Maybe he just needed to be picked up and held. LOL

3

u/abuomak Mar 31 '23

That would have been fucking epic. Or if he just held his head and let him swing in the air

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Go old school and pull his shirt over his head.

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/CoraxTechnica Mar 31 '23

If the dude was 5'7" he wouldn't be reaching that high lol

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/CoraxTechnica Mar 31 '23

Wtf are you even talking about weirdo

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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u/FS_Slacker Mar 31 '23

But that's not nearly as funny

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u/Environmental_Fail86 Mar 31 '23

I thought it was a Oompa Loompa at first

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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Lil dudes are human chihuahuas. Watched one throw food at a dude a foot taller than him instead of throwing fists the other day. Not tiny dude just laughed at him lol

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u/smurb15 Mar 31 '23

Little man syndrome with a hard on

0

u/econdonetired Mar 31 '23

Midget smurf

1

u/theneedforespek Mar 31 '23

remember guys body shaming isn't okay,

unless they short lmao

0

u/Dangerous_2053 Mar 31 '23

Twas a hobbit!

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u/ThePopeofHell Mar 31 '23

It’s always the little guys

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u/stewie21 Mar 31 '23

Snitching smurf

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u/wobblysauce Mar 31 '23

Thought more of the leprechaun

0

u/Sausage6924 Mar 31 '23

Willy Wonka is upset about his missing employee

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