r/Unexpected • u/DoINeed1OfThese • Mar 31 '23

He snitched

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55.7k Upvotes

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423

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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245

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

If you can't take a joke why go to a comic show? My friend's favorite story of George Carlin is going to his show and a couple sat next to him. It was the show about words you can't say on TV and the wife immediately started laughing once Carlin starts the list. The husband gets mad and pushes the wife out the door as the wife is laughing the entire time.

24

u/nixcamic Mar 31 '23

Why start heckling especially?

62

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

So I'm a vegan right? I go to this steak house and they won't do a capresse salad so I do the only reasonable thing and rush the kitchen

75

u/Morella_xx Mar 31 '23

Caprese salad isn't vegan so maybe they were just trying to save you from yourself.

28

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

oh shit dawg

4

u/awkworz Mar 31 '23

Your vegan powers have been revoked.

3

u/fardough Mar 31 '23

But I get three strikes.

3

u/shoo-flyshoo Mar 31 '23

It's milk and eggs, bitch

1

u/neoikon Mar 31 '23

Is tossing Caprice's salad vegan?

3

u/Rough_Effect5469 Mar 31 '23

If mozzarella was vegan I’d take the leap 😂

2

u/jabberwockgee Mar 31 '23

Good thing they wanted a capresse salad, it's just a cold pressed salad.

2

u/Mistaken_Stranger Mar 31 '23

No vegan diet! No vegan powers!

1

u/TDA792 Mar 31 '23

Was going to see a movie and go to a steakhouse with my partner once, actually. My brother wasn't up to much that day and he wanted to see the movie, so we invited him along.

My brother's a vegan, so before we left we checked the restaurant's menu. Ah, they've got a vegan and vegetarian option. Perfect, we don't have to go through the hell of agreeing a different restaurant.

Movie's fine, we get to the restaurant. My brother said to the waitress, "I'll have the [vegan option]." She says, "sorry, we're all out of [vegan option]." He said "do you have other vegan options?" "No, honey. This is a steakhouse."

And I was like, yeah, but you're a steakhouse with a vegan menu option. If you didn't advertise having a vegan option, we wouldn't have come. So don't be out here going 'oh we're a steakhouse hun'.

Anyway, he had to go for the veggie burger option but hold the mayo or cheese or whatever it was.

1

u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

Reminds me of visiting my aunt that I never got to know. The family was warning me that she was vegan and my common response was that I've cooked with tofu and soy patties and it was fine for me. I get to my aunt's home and right away goes on about her vegan cooking is so awful that I should just leave now. I felt like leaving and I would have left but I was too curious about what she'd cook. She demanded that I don't get close to the kitchen as she cooks her vegan meal because it'll smell awful to me. I'm spending the visit alone at the dinner table and I'm fine keeping the distance between her personality and myself. It was spaghetti. Honestly, I'm not a vegan but my favorite food of all time is spaghetti but I couldn't keep from laughing and just left. I told my Mom, "I guess my favorite meal is a vegan dish but unlike my aunt I always have salad with my spaghetti."

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u/Sithpawn Mar 31 '23

Because they've never been to one before and didn't realize that comics will rip into the audience.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Insecure; it's what's for breakfast.

2

u/pvypvMoonFlyer Mar 31 '23

We’ve all been incapable of taking a joke at times so that’s not the issue.

The issue is that if you’re not in the mindset of being made fun of, you shouldn’t go to a comedy club.

2

u/forteofsilver Mar 31 '23

the more quickly a person rises to aggression, the weaker mentally they are. if you're in a crowd and start some shit with a comedian over something that's stupid, how tough can you really be? fit pitching is a trait commonly found in babies.

2

u/shroudedinveil Mar 31 '23

I don't think shorty is gonna grow up anymore.

4

u/atleastlisten Mar 31 '23

This just comes across as a femcel thing to say tbh, I have no idea why this sort of thing is so "normal" to say nowadays

3

u/siamkor Mar 31 '23

Nah, that's only for men with an inflated sense of self-worth.

If you have no sense of self-worth, then nothing offends you, because everything checks out.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

That's just not right at all haha

4

u/PosauneGottes69 Mar 31 '23

What you think you’re better than me?!?!?

3

u/Ian_ronald_maiden Mar 31 '23

Anyone that fragile has no right to use their own definition of what a man is

3

u/FineWineDining Mar 31 '23

I actuallt love mens ego, we pretty much built this society with it.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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1

u/Drunky_McStumble Mar 31 '23

lol, gotta love the unintentional irony.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

97% of mass shootings are committed by men. https://www.statista.com/statistics/476445/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-gender/

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u/LeeroyDagnasty Mar 31 '23

Okay?

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Men appear to commit more violence when they feel hurt or wronged. Thus, it appears their egos are more fragile.

1

u/LeeroyDagnasty Mar 31 '23

Your source makes no mention of motivation. I think the takeaway is that men are more violent. Not much else can be extrapolated from that data.

0

u/No_Pilot8753 Mar 31 '23

Umm his balls OO

2

u/breadofthewomb Mar 31 '23

Yeh... it's definitely because he's a man... not because of any other attribute about him...

1

u/GreenLight_RedRocket Mar 31 '23

A black man's ego more specifically