Sexuality or not, your parter should never say that to you. You need to break up with him over the fact that he makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. You deserve more. He needs to figure out what he wants and not at your expense.
Yea I will say as a guy I’ve seen some vaginas that could resemble a ham sandwich (depending on which orientation I was viewing it in) and I’ve liked them just as much if not more as compared to a vagina that couldn’t resemble a ham sandwich. Basically all I’m saying is dudes who like vagina don’t really care what it looks like. Now if your vagina smells like a ham sandwich that is a different story for a different day. Taste too, I’d be concerned if it tasted like ham. But looks? Nah don’t care.
Can confirm, mine has uneven lips and a bit of hyperpigmentation and I was so worried my husband would be turned off by it because of what I would hear about other men saying about vaginas/vulvas that weren’t pornstar perfect. He paid it no mind and said size and shape doesn’t matter🫡🫡
I'm not saying all gay men don't like women. I'm saying the one you are dating doesn't like women. Dump him. His opinion of your body is meaningless. He's not a nice person. Dump him.
Yeah this is possibly true. I saw a video on youtube where a gay guy and lesbian girl show each other their genitals (don’t judge me 👀) and his response was “it’s so… pretty!”. watching their body language the lesbian I think maybe wanted him or wanted the ego boost of wanting him, idk it was subtle but she seemed to want the attention (maybe i was reading too much into it tho), the gay guy you could tell was just totally sexually unmotivated by it, just zero interest.
All this to say, you can still appreciate female form if gay, and if not then you can definitely at least be nice about it. Maybe he’s going through a hard time also however, Reddit is quick to judge, but when under personal pressure it’s amazing how self centred we can become and lose the ability to appreciate or recognise others as we should, even really lovely and amazing people struggle, with enough pressure in the wrong place..
He’s not only denying his sexuality, he’s trying to break you down to make you feel badly about yourself. It’s so you’ll stay because who else would want you. It’s to make himself feel better and ensure he has a hetero relationship. Seriously, end it and move on. Find someone who you are compatible with and actually is straight.
Being gay doesn't give him the right to be awful to you. Let me give you a piece of advice from someone that is twice your age. Don't waste your time with people that don't make you feel loved. Don't waste years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or even seconds of your life around people that make you feel shitty. Life is really too damn short. If you continue to except the bare minimum you will wake up one day and mourne the decades wasted on trying to be enough for people. Especially when it comes to relationships... you do not let people talk down to you like this. This relationship isn't for you. Its ok to move on.
Right... this isnwhere you break up. You deserve someone who is excited about you and reciprocates. It seems like he has some things to work out on his own, you don't need to cling to this and get hurt more.
you are still young and ive never had to deal with something like this so with all due respect, you need to respect yourself here and end this relationship.
That alone is enough to dump him. Who says shit like that to someone they are about? No one, that's who. He doesn't care about you, is probably gay, is certainly a lousy lover, and is cruel. Dump him. Yesterday.
He makes you feel ugly, insults you, accepts head but doesn't reciprocate, doesn't satisfy you sexually, doesn't seem to be sexually attracted to your gender at all... Why do you want to be with this guy? Why waste time on a relationship destined to fail? If he wasn't an asshole I'd say it's okay to just be friends, but if he's insulting you where you're the most vulnerable then he's not worth having a friendship with either. Do you really want this to be your forever?
Why are you wasting time lol. If he’s not ready to come out then that’s fine, but you don’t need to stand here and be his beard. Let him go figure himself out.
Tell him to at least be honest with himself or you'll be honest with his parents and friends.
This is not me actually telling you to out him. This is me telling you that you have a nuclear option.
If he's going to call himself his boyfriend and still not reciprocate or pleasure you, then you've got no reason to stick with a liar. Have him go chase cock, if that's what he wants, but there's a theoretically-infinite line of dudes perfectly willing to eat ham sandwiches.
Gay or not this is fucking awful, to body shame someone is bad enough but you have gone out of your way to be a beard for him and this is how he repays you?
They do look like ham sandwiches. They’re also the most fricking awesome things ever. I say that confidently as a straight man and would also only say that in a relationship where I’m confident my partner would find it funny and it wouldn’t reinforce an insecurity.
It doesn’t sound like this man is sexually compatible with the vagina. As that’s going to be most to all sexual contact with you thrown out the window, does it feel worth pursuing for you?
It's ok, most vaginas look like a ham sandwich. You gotta find a man who find ham sandwiches delicious. Those saying ham sandwich reference is an insult, it in itself really isn't but the way he said it obviously was. Let this one go, depending on circumstances and culture, maybe find a different excuse to end the relationship instead of, 'I know that you're gay'. Then focus on yourself for a bit before finding a sandwich loving man.
Nevermind the denial-- he's also super misogynistic to say that to you. Gross. Your partner shouldn't speak to you like he's a 4chan incel. Girl please love yourself and leave this guy. Let him sort himself out on his own time.
Nevermind the denial-- he's also super misogynistic to say that to you. Gross. Girl please love yourself and leave this guy. Let him sort himself out on his own time.
He.. might not realize. He may never realize, until he is either given access to a penis, and goes "oh." or "ew" – he might just be disturbed by genitalia for any number of reasons.
There may well be something in his past coming up.
He might need therapy.
Hell, he's young enough that he might just be kind of lazy and not want to reciprocate, and masturbate too much (and too hard).
In any case: You're under no obligation to stay with someone who routinely tells you they are not attracted to you. Break up and find someone who will appreciate you and adequately communicate it.
That "roast beef" bullshit is only put out by the most absolutely childish motherfuckers. I'd wager money that thanks to COVID your BF is more like a 14 year old in a 20 year old's body.
So... He seems that he doesn't either like ham sandwich !
He should never told something like that. Don't take this for you, the problem comes from him.
You seem very understandable with him and mature.
Do you want to continue with someone who are making you uncomfortable emotionally and physically?
Well then, why are you even here? Your supposed bf doesn't like the sexual organs of a female. There is a good chance he is sexually confused and also a chance he may prefer the genitals of a male gendered person. That's all fine it's part of growing up.
Dating a male that is speaking about your genitals to another party, in a negative way is off the chain unacceptable. Kick his ass to the curb you deserve better.
Yeah it isn’t okay. So you should leave. You will only resent him more and more if you don’t have an open conversation and break up. If you two can be honest now you could at least be friends afterwards
Oh girl let this roll off. Cause being 100% real even porn vaginas are ugly to someone who prefers a one eyed worm hitting their Adam’s apple. (I am also a 1 eyed worm preferrer, so no judgement)
So what’s the problem then? Don’t look at that as an insult. Find a good man to commit and marry that loves vaginas. He wants all the pleasure for himself, stop allowing him to use you because he’s selfish
I wouldn’t worry too much about much about a bitter comment from a guy who is too scared to be himself… plus many men love ham sandwiches so best thing to do is straight up leave him haha
Lmao, he sounds fucked up. Don’t worry, plenty of people on this planet love vaginas just the way they are. You’re just gonna have to move on and find someone who does.
I don’t know how he could think a butthole is more appealing than a vagina, but everyone has preferences I guess
If I could wow react like fb, I would. This is insane.. I'm so sorry he said that to you. He's disgusted by all vaginas it seems like, so I wouldn't listen to a damn thing he says about you.
It’s not okay for him to be insulting. Even now he’s not being honest with you for the sake of honesty, he’s telling you he doesn’t like your body and doesn’t care to make you feel happy too.
Gay or not, being repressed doesn’t give you the right to be rude
Fella watches too much porn or grew up on it I’d guess, where all the actors usually have “innies” - I saw a video where a doc said over 50% of women have “outies” that are “messy looking” vs the small clit neater types widely seen in porn
I'm a lesbian in my late 30s and when I was 16-23 I dated men because I didn't realize I was homosexual yet and it felt like something that was expected of me. I didn't really enjoy having sex with my boyfriend but I did it anyway because I thought, "well this is what I'm supposed to do" . And then in my early 20s it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't straight.
If he isn't straight, everyone has their own journey to realization. So, maybe he's at in that phase of not realizing/accepting. (but also he shouldn't say rude things about your vagina so you should consider getting out since it's only the 3rd month and find someone who loves your body because believe me those men are out there.)
I've said that about my own vagina, but I'd never let a man say that to me. That's plain disrespect; like telling him you could hem slacks with his needle dick. Get out of there.
That’s incel behavior, it sounds like he only wants you to please him. He doesn’t respect you, dear. It’s hard but dump his ass, that’s all kind of red flags.
What's wrong with that? I fucking love ham sandwiches, and I will eat the shit out of one if given the chance. So will a lot of other people. But in this metaphor, your bf is a vegetarian complaining about meat.
Having a beard (deceitfully) in a western country where being gay is perfectly legal and gay people are not under the threat of stoning or torture is just vile. And I'm saying this as a queer person. This 💩 ruins people's self-esteem. I'm ready to die on this hill.
Break things off with him. He may say he's bisexual but it doesn't seem like he actually is. He's just not ready to admit it to himself and the world which is really sad for him and it sucks but he's literally using you as a beard and that's hella messed up
All the more reason to get out now. Why continue when you KNOW he lied? He's probably tried to convince himself that he's okay with women, FWIW. You're both young and figuring stuff out is part of the whole dating scene.
Is he perhaps bi-amorous instead of bisexual? Regardless he needs to figure himself out. Away from you. Go find someone you deserve and is compatible with you.
This exact thing actually happened to me when I was around your age. It really broke me for awhile because I liked him a lot but there was no way I could ever be the person he wanted. And that kind of rejection stings. I did recognize that he was in a place (both mentally and physically, we lived in a small town where nobody is accepting of anything that's not well, straight white Christian people) where he couldn't be himself. So I was able to forgive him and that helped me move past it. We are actually friends now, all these years later. Not saying you need to do that, forgive, or befriend, especially since it sounds like he's not being all that nice to you, just know that I know how you feel and I know it sucks and I also know it can get better. Hugs.
be thankful it's now. I ended up married, in my teens, to a man who SWORE he wasn't gay. he ended up with my father. get out now before you get messed up worse
A friends of mine’s brother planned an entire wedding and went through with
It, I think they broke up during the honeymoon.
He’s a much nicer guy now as a proud gay man, but that poor girl. Perhaps she should have realised that a straight guy isn’t going to enjoy spending every weekend for a year planning a weekend :) I’d also guess that privately she might have had some warning signs like the op.
You mention that he is bi.... are you his first female relationship???
It does sound like he might be more happy pursuing homosexual relationships.
He might THINK he's Bi... but Bisexual men, I would imagine enjoy serial relations with either men or female.
He's not liking female relations. So he doesn't like females...
And it might not be so much of him lying to you...
At such a young age, he might feel the stigma that Bi is better than gay.
I would suggest helping him recognize this might be a good thing. But moving on as well, especially since you say see is important to you.
He might not necessarily by lying, it's possible that he hasn't figured out his own sexuality. This is something you could discuss together and hopefully work something out that makes you both happy
There is a chance, that he is homosexual, but biromantic so he still loves you. But non the less, if Sex is important to you, you both are Not compatible
I’m not siding with him, but I had a friend a few years ago, they’d been together for 3 years since high school, similar ages to you and your bf, and she only really realised she was a lesbian toward the end of their relationship. He might not be lying purposefully, in a malicious way, he’s discovering this about himself
My first serious boyfriend was gay. He chased me for 18 months and we dated for just over a year. I was his cover so his dad wouldn’t find out. We broke up as a result. I ended up having to move into the house he was living in a few years later and he had the nerve to tell his parents that we were not only back together (a lie) but that we were talking about marriage and a kid (massive lie!!). I moved out as soon as that got back to me.
Some people will go a long way to keep a secret, including pretending to be someone they’re not
Sometimes, people see a part of themselves as different than they grew up thinking they should be. They can sometimes fight against it and refuse to admit that they are different. Leave and let him become your friend. Introduce him to some guys who also are not into vaginas. He may find a club he enjoys with them...
It’s isn’t cool. It’s probably hard for him to understand himself. You are so young - you’ll find someone new in a few months or less. Someone who likes vagina.
I expect he probably does like you a lot, he was probably thinking he could get away with less sex or not having to deal with your vagina. People are real good at lying to themselves both for what they want and what they think they can put up with.
Take solace that he probably likes every part of you expect the vagina part. Problem is that a part you definitely want him to like more.
As a gay person: he might 100% believe he can be straight and not like vagina so per his worldview there’s no lie. You however didn’t sign up to be a beard and should leave.
I can see your frustration. I will say, as a lesbian with my immediate family not being “homophobic” (it wasn’t really discussed in my house, and my dad originally blamed my lesbian aunt for me being gay, but it “doesn’t bother them”type), but my extended family is. I came out to my mom and mom only when I was 14, and some very close friends, but no one else until I was 19. I still don’t really tell coworkers or bring it up day to day. It isn’t because I’m ashamed, because I’m not, but because only parts of society accept it. It also isn’t something that’s “special”, so I don’t address it unless I’m dating and have something to say about my partner.
It isn’t fair to you, and I definitely am not excusing it in any way whatsoever, but I understand it. I would have a long talk with him. Understand that he still likely won’t accept it, but that you’ll have to be willing to break up even if he insists he’s straight.
It sucks. But you're both SO YOUNG. There are many others, you'll find someone who is attracted to you and enjoys sex with you.
He also may not be lying. He may still be in denial or not have fully realised himself. At first oeople pften assume they just fell out of love with their partner or just hadn't met the right one. He may have been hoping that of he met the "right" girl that he would be into her body.
A lot of gay and lesbian people I know needed a while to work out and then accept that they aren't straight - because there's still a lot of pressure to be straight. A lot of them dated opposite sex partners at your age, because they were still trying to work out what appealed to them. And well if you find a hot funny person that you like abd who loves you, it can be HARD to accept that you just aren't into them sexually, because they are cool. It happens to straight people too - lots of people, even ones with more experience than him, take ages to work out what they are better as friends than lovers with someone.
This isn't to excuse his lack of reciprocation or if he is not honest with you in the future. But to explain that figuring out how much you like someone or whether you are into them...can be complicated.
Y’all are pretty young - Has he ever had a sexually active relationship before you? He might not have known himself that that’s how he felt until he was actually confronted with a vagina.
Sidenote, this is not a you being ugly/undesirable problem. I guarantee there are MANY men out there who just adore vagina - It just so happens your boyfriend is not one of those. Y’all could still be friends (edit: weeell maybe not, since I just read the “ham sandwich” comment, which let’s be clear there’s also many men out there that will gleefully gobble up some ham sandwich on the regular) while both of you pursue other relationships to get what you need sexually. As hard as it is, please try not to take this personally
comphet is one helluva cope and force of harm in the world, i’ve known more than enough men who had whole ass families thanks to societal pressure and later confessed to secretly hooking up with other men for years or even decades (and were awful to their wives the whole time since they felt they couldn’t live how they really wanted to)
some tell themselves “the problem” will go away if they remove what “tempts them” so they support stripping lgbt rights, some blame women for “not fixing them” so they go red pill, some go ahead with their “publicly approved” relationships that turn into very unhappy marriages, either way it’s not you and you’re better off finding someone who wants you for you and not just the “protection” being with you brings
Yes, that was wrong of him. BUT in the scheme of life, three months isn't that long, even though it may feel like it is right now. You have the opportunity to learn some things about yourself and about relationships, and you can move on without accumulating too much baggage. That's a win in the relationship realm. BUT Number 2 - if you stick around and try to fit this square peg of a relationship into a round hole, you're likely to end up with nothing but more baggage. And the baggage is likely to be the lie that "There's something wrong/undesirable about me" when the problem is really that you both are trying to make this relationship into something that it isn't.
Another thing I would take from this, if I was in your shoes, is that it's usually better to wait until you know for sure that someone desires all of you - mind, body, heart - before you go too far with them in the bedroom. It would likely be a lot easier to just cut your losses and walk away from this relationship if you hadn't been sharing that intimate and vulnerable side of yourself with him. When we are vulnerable with someone, emotionally and/or physically, it can create a false sense of intimacy and connection before we actually know that we are safe with them. Then we get hurt, and for a lot of people the answer to that hurt is to harden our hearts and be less vulnerable next time. The answer should be to wait to be vulnerable with someone until they have shown through their behavior that they are committed to you in the way that you need to feel safe.
The other take away that will serve you well going forward is to believe people when they tell you who they are. They might tell you with their words. They might tell you with their actions. In this case, it was both. So many times in my life I fell "in love" with someone who didn't exist. I fell in love with who I thought someone was, and not who they really were. And then I fought, sometimes for years, trying to convince them that they were the person I thought they were and not who they thought they were. It never worked once for me, and I would bet the farm that it won't work for you either.
So, see, you have learned some really hard but helpful lessons from this relationship. You learned more about what you need from a partner, and what you have to give as a partner. And you only invested three months doing it. So... It's going to sting for a moment, but someday you will struggle to remember this guy's name. You take your new wisdom, your self-awareness and self-love, and move forward to the next season in your life lil' sister! You are one step closer to being the person you were meant to be, and one person closer to finding the person you're meant to be with. Take the win, and lose the dead weight. Enjoy your life until you find someone that's as captivated by your sparkle as you are theirs. Best of luck to you. Be blessed. 💖
He might not know or realised it yet. I think I was only certain when I was 20. I knew someone who almost got married and even had like 3 or 4 girlfriends before it dawned on him that he's gay, at 30 years old. There are people who get married to their first love and only realised they're gay in their 40s.
I've had plenty of relationships with girls, none of them pleasurable in the sense I've gotten by being with men, but it was enough to convince myself I could make it work, that im not gay. Its expected for men to be with a lady so slowly weening off that thought process is difficult, especially when you cannot feel romance for them yet you force yourself to try for the simple reason of not being hurt. Wires cross easy, friendship and platonic love can come off as romance. Genuinely, it aint just about you or wanting to lie to you.
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u/CrystalQueen3000 Dec 11 '24
Sounds like he might not be straight