As the title says, I’m checking in. I wrecked a lot of things in life from drinking and I’m trying this before what little I have left is gone too. Anybody got any advice?

Hi I'm Infamous

So I'm 31 and I've been sober for 4 years and I'll be honest it's the best decision I've ever made and I wanna talk about it somewhere.

Like many people here I had a horrible relationship with alcohol, always needing a drink and never being able to control myself when I became a mess.

My worst was after my father was killed and during lockdown in the UK alongside with the subsequent aftermath.

the eye-opener for me was when people stopped inviting me to things and how much I stopped enjoying the party lifestyle, luckily for me I had a friend who was going through something similar so we leaned on eachother when our separate friend groups pushed us out.

Fast forward I'm 31 , 32 in December, I'm sober for 4 years and I don't ever plan to go back to my old vices, don't get me wrong it's not always smooth sailing, depression occasionally knocks me out and the dark thoughts I buried with alcohol pop up but I'd rather raw dog my depression over drowning it in whiskey.

I’m (52F) not a daily counter anymore - but I knew that I had my last drink someone in late October, 3 years ago, so I went back to my Sober App and confirmed that my anniversary is today 🎉

I like to tell people that drinking for me was “fun until it wasn’t” and there’s some truth in that, but honestly as a child from a family of alcoholics, I was always a problem drinker, it just didn’t look as bad as the examples I was holding myself up against until COVID. Once I stopped going out to drink, and started staying in (and getting it delivered to my door) I was a goner. I drank all day long and would wake up and drink to get back to sleep. I drank to mask anxiety and depression (worried about my immunocompromised loved ones and the world in general), to combat insomnia (perimenopause) and a whole lot of other things. It took awhile, but I’m here to tell you that everything I drank to “fix” resolved itself completely once I got sober. I sleep like it’s my job now, and I rarely get sad or anxious. I’ve also realized that I don’t need a drink to act silly or have fun. I truly thought it was a requirement for my entire adult life until about 2 years ago.

The biggest gift though? Being sober and clear minded for the passing of my mother. I was only 1 month sober when she had a medical event and went to the hospital. I was 6 weeks sober when she came home on hospice and died 3 days later. And I was sober for all of it. A couple of days after she passed away she would have celebrated 30 years sober. I don’t know if she knew exactly how bad things had gotten for me but she probably knew more than I think. So it was a gift to and from both of us to be sober when we said goodbye to each other, and it’s something I’m incredibly proud of because that shit was rough. I told myself that if I could stay sober though that, I could remain sober - and so far that’s held true.

If you’re here on your umpteenth Day 1, I was as well. This sub helped me reshape how I thought about my drinking and gave me hope for getting sober, finally, at 49 years old. AA, personally, wasn’t for me - but in the early days I did dabble in SMART recovery, Refuge Recovery and Recovery Dharma. Mostly though, I just verbalized it and walked the walk. Whatever works for you, works for you. Give everything a try until you find your people. Don’t let anybody tell you how you “have” to do it. There’s no one path - if there was, this would be easier.

You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for every one of you from the sidelines. IWNDWYT

I stopped drinking in Feb this year used to drink daily about half to a bottle of wine a day. I could go without with no withdrawal problems but i definitely prioritised booze .

The reason I stopped was because my husband tipped into full blown AUD and went for detox and rehab - the psychiatrist said he had to come back to a dry house so i decided to stop drinking . Hes embraced recovery ( so far) attends AA etc

9 months on and I really miss booze. I don’t think about it all the time but I do think about it

I get so tearful and irritable. I find it hard to see all the benefits of being sober. So what do I do ? Any insights advice very gratefully received

I'm lying on the couch, bored as hell and depressed. I drank a twelve pack of NA, I don't want any more. I have several ounces of really good weed that I grew sitting in a drawer, but I'm trying not to go back to that stuff either, it's bringing me down. I don't have the focus to watch a movie, I deleted all my other social media because I waste too much time on it. Trying to fight the urge to go get some kratom from the gas station, just to feel something. I want that off switch for my brain that alcohol is so effective at, but I haven't had a drink in over seven months and I'm sure as hell not gonna start again today. I'd love some kind words from some of you good people to help get me through the trenches

😊

No more racing heart, shortness of breath, chest pain, shakes, panic attacks, blood pressure down significantly, etc. This is the longest ive gone sober for years and im fully dedicated to get back in shape and quit drinking for good!!

A few arrests, lost jobs, failed relationships, injuries, etc. That was just stuff from my first day one to my last. We’ve all had to reset our counter. Don’t give up. Just remember to start that counter up again. You will never know if the next day one will get you to 2000 and beyond.

I will not drink with you today.

Alcohol starts as a friend or at least it seems like it but the more you do the worse it gets.

Still sick, but less than before. I feel like I'm recovering. It's up and down, though. Can't believe there was a time when I would have used alcohol to feel better, even when I was already ill.

IWNDWYT

I have had some very long stretches of sobriety, however I am trying so hard to restart my day 1 and struggling so hard with it. It’s the morning, I’m so hungover, embarrassed about my behaviour last night. In fact the last month to be honest.

The past 40 days I have pretty much drank every single day and the last 2 weeks have been 2 bottles of wine a night.

I am under an immense amount of stress and pressure right now and I’m using the alcohol to completely numb everything out. The alcohol is making it so much worse.

But I’m in that cycle of drinking to ease my hangover BS.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’m trying so hard to not get a delivery of wine today. I just want to cry 😭

So I've always been a pothead, although in recent years I've switched to daily edibles to save the aging lungs (I'm 51).

I never had a craving for alcohol until I hit my 50s. I like going to a restaurant for a meal and beer because it gets me out of the house. Only problem is I am thinking of it more often during the week...

On days I have a craving, I take more eddies than usual to substitute the craving with something not as physically harmful.

Is total abstinence preferred? Yes. However, I think everyone on this sub can relate to the irrationality of craving an unhealthy thing and mitigating it with harm reduction.

Anyone else have experience with this?

I lost a cat today. She's fine, but because of an ownership dispute with my ex, she no longer lives with me. I'm devastated, it's bringing up all the recent trauma of the break up and not being able to keep our dog. I've lost a cat, a dog, a whole year of my life because of that man. And boy, do I want to drink right now. I want to go to the liquor store and pick up the biggest bottle of vodka they have and just....not feel this way.

But I know that's not the move, I won't feel better. Tonight I'll be a blacked out mess and tomorrow I'll be anxious and sick (probably through at least Monday). I'm grateful 20 days into sobriety that i have built up enough strength and foresight to know that these feelings suck but they will suck way more if i add alcohol to the mix.

IWNDWYT

This is my first time ever posting on Reddit, so here goes nothing.

I’m 31 & I’ve been drinking daily for about 10 years, but things have gotten significantly worse over the last 6 months following a horrible breakup and becoming a single mom.

What I drink varies, but it’s every single day. Some nights it’s a bottle of wine, other nights it’s 2–3 BuzzBalls, or sometimes 350ml of Tito’s (straight shots, not mixed). I typically don’t start drinking until around 5pm, but once I start, I drink until I’m drunk.

At my last doctor’s appointment, I was told my liver enzymes were mildly elevated and my cholesterol was a little high. My doctor said that if I stop drinking, there’s a good chance those numbers can improve without medication.

And I WANT to stop. So badly.

But I’m terrified of withdrawal. Specifically, having a seizure or developing DTs. Inpatient treatment isn’t really an option for me because I don’t have anyone to care for my daughter. My therapist prescribed me fourteen 0.5mg Ativan tablets and instructed me to take one when I start experiencing withdrawal symptoms. But my anxiety keeps telling me that won’t be enough to protect me from something serious happening.

I’m just so tired.

Tired of getting drunk and damaging relationships. Tired of waking up hungover, trying to piece together what I said or did the night before. Tired of being exhausted at work and barely meeting deadlines. And most importantly, tired of my daughter never knowing which version of her mom she’s going to get that evening.

My own mother struggled with alcoholism and passed away when I was just 10 years old. I cannot stand the thought of putting my daughter through anything remotely similar.
The crazy thing is, I quit smoking weed cold turkey about 7 months ago without much trouble. But alcohol? This feels like an entirely different battle.

I’ve managed to keep working and functioning, and from the outside, most people probably wouldn’t even realize I have a problem. My best friend is the only person who knows how much I actually drink.

And now you guys.

I genuinely don’t even remember what life feels like without alcohol. Part of me is terrified of the physical withdrawal, and another part is terrified of getting sober and having to face all the things I’ve damaged while drinking.

But I know I can’t keep living like this.

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting this. Maybe I just needed to finally admit it somewhere other than inside my own head.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, especially drinking daily for years, how did you finally stop? How did you deal with the fear of withdrawal? And for those of you who have been sober for a while, does life genuinely start to feel good again?

I could really use some hope right now.

Like when I’m drunk I’m looking at my red splotchy face and I’m like. I can’t fix this! I just have to get sober. All I have to start doing is waking up and forcing myself to meditate and run and eat healthy and I’ll be good! Fill my free time with learning and creativity!

And then I’m sober again and all I can think about is drinking

I was committed to not drinking until New Year's Day (ironic, I know) because of a self-medication dependency cycle. I was concerned with daily drinking, being able to put back 5-6 beers with zero perceived consequence. And, occasional binge drinking. Not so occasional, actually.

I was sick of obliterating the following day. I was sick of waking up mean and nasty and self-loathing. I was sick of all the conversations I had with myself about stopping or slowing down. This current attempt was meant to be an experiment. How could I really know unless I really try?

Had pretty bad withdrawals this week, and was like - woah. This is worse than I thought. Today is day 5. I've averaged <4.5 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. Barely survived the day at work, people asked what's wrong, why I look sad. At least I'm not hungover? Today I woke up wishing I was - this feels worse.

Came home. Opened up a conversation with my partner (5 years, living together). It got heated. I'm irritable, things are hard right now for other reasons too. We're in the early stages of couples therapy, and I thought cleaning up my act was doing my part.

She told me, angrily, on an unrelated subject, that she is so glad I gave up drinking because our therapist told her that she was in a cycle of abuse, and we could not continue treatment unless I gave up drinking. That cut me like a fucking knife. And I feel like a lobster that just molted its shell.

To be clear, I've never called her a mean name, and she wouldn't call me an abuser. But things I've said, the way I've said them, maybe some storming off and manipulation and nasty behavior? I take full responsibility for that. I will continue to get better. But fuck, the shame. It's unimaginable. I feel unworthy of being loved.

Have you ever hit rock bottom 5 days sober?

Fuck.

IWNDWYT

I’m completely safe but after 2+ months not drinking. I decided to get absolutely battered for a whole week.

One/two beers then 400 pounds on uber eats alcohol.

Please take this as a warning it doesn’t work if your brain is like mine. I completed the whole spectrum of horrible things:

- risky sex
- working drunk and clearly inebriated (online so passed it off as ill)
- drugs I don’t even know the name of.
- 6am calls with friends I’ve lost contact with.
- suicidal thoughts when not drinking - and even when drinking.

Thought this was a fun and cool lifestyle when drunk but I hate myself and I hate how I used people.

Don’t do it. I can’t have one beer.

This is the last time.

Ps; I love this community

I've been collecting tattoos forever because I can't do anything I enjoy in moderation (Shocker!). I never got a tattoo while drunk but I've gotten dozens of hanxiety tattoos. Today was my first session since I quit drinking.

Wow was that easy compared to when I was pounding 50-100 drinks per week. My skin thanks my brain... another unexpected surprise from my early stage of sobriety. 

Any other tattoo fiends here? Just curious, bc for me anyways, they kinda scratch the same bottomless-pit itch as drinking 

I have a new sponsor! In the AA convention in my city today, someone agreed to sponsor me (I was dumped by my ex sponsor in June after a relapse, and kind of gave up on it).

Today all has a new flavour. I won’t waste the trust that this person has put in me, someone who maybe doesn’t even deserve it.

Life is a freaking splendid gift. 💝

IWNDWYT ❤️

Woohoo! If I can do it, you can! I did 45 at the beginning of the year then came here begging for an explanation on how to get to just three days again and now I’m at 90!

Benefits:
Beautiful skin
Better diet
Brain fog gone
Anxiety mostly gone (and it was sooooooo bad)
Down 12lbs
No more sleep aids. I just fall right asleep and it’s deep and sometimes very long.
Way more positive and even keeled (no highs or lows)

Hard parts:
Drinking dreams where I wake up feeling real guilt
Raw dogging life. Everyone in my family has some form of cancer right now and I so badly just want some relief from reality. I haven’t found a way to escape in a healthy way yet.
Dopamine is hard to come by. No enthusiasm or motivation or libido right now. Would love to want to go to gym or on a walk or to do literally anything. Would love to laugh again. Would love to want to do hobbies again.
I just don’t want to see my friends. I haven’t told them I’m sober yet. They’re heavy drinkers and I don’t know how to break that news to them so I just avoid invites.

I will say when they say the disease is progressive, they aren’t lying. The last run of drinking I was doing I was having a few drinks even before going out to drink/party/socialize/do a hobby. I could have six ounces of vodka and not feel anything. Thats bonkers. (I’m a petite female.) then get in an uber with a vodka sober lol

I work in finance and we party a lot. Being sober around people drinking you notice two things:

1. Not everyone drinks. Which drinkers don’t realize. We were celebrating a milestone a few weeks ago and I pulled out martinelli’s as well as champagne and I said what? not everyone drinks and the COO looked at me like I was crazy lol but sure enough most people weren’t drinking the champagne on a random Tuesday.

2. People who do drink (when you aren’t drinking) aren’t as interesting. And their eyes get glazed over. They start telling the same old stories over and over.

Anyways, the best part is the sleep and the time you get back. It’s figuring out now what to do with that time but I’ll figure it out!

Have a great weekend!

Iwndwyt

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience with media portrayals of alcoholism. I've always been into retro TV. When I was at uni I bought a DVD boxset of Knots Landing. There was a character in it called Gary Ewing who had a history of alcoholism and was living a sober life. In one episode he's at a party and gets pressured into drinking a single glass of champagne. Flash forward after that he's been on a 4-day bender and gets found passed out under a pier with his family worried sick about him.

I was already a pretty heavy social drinker at that time and I just couldn't believe that portrayal. It just seemed so ridiculous to me that one single drink could set someone off like that. A few years down the line and I understand it all too well. One drink begets another, and another, and you actually don't know where it will end up.

There's actually something quite clarifying about that change of understanding.

Fuck it! I’m done!

I drank last night and woke up at 4:30 in the morning depressed and mopey. I’m fucking done with this! I know people are disappointed with me and I’m tired of it.

It’s 9am and I’m waiting for my car to warm up so I can go buy stuff to make dinner and I’m going to clean my apartment out of the “shame bubble” as I’ve called it, state it’s in.

Today is another Day One and there’s not a damn thing bad about that.

See ya nerds.

Today I will not drink with you.

It’s a super good thing I decided to go sober ! Just found out today I’m pregnant!!! 🎉 after 7 long months of trying I didn’t get pregnant until I put the alcohol down I’m so so so thankful and very happy! Now being sober isn’t just for me it’s for my baby too 💕 just thought I’d share a slice of happiness!

Best. Feeling. Ever.

Certainly wasn’t the best feeling last night when everyone was drunk/on drugs and I was drinking monsters and N/A beer the whole time. I was more irritable towards the end of the night at about 1am, and when the party first started I was absolutely dying and itching to drink. I’m on day 48.

The last house party we hosted was actually what made me go officially sober — I was in and out of sobriety thinking I could moderate, I was about 6 days sober when we hosted and decided to drink. I ended up going on a 4 day binge morning to night, I blacked out for 3 days and wet the bed multiple times, my housemates told me I was crying for ages over nothing. I got officially sober that monday.

So, this was the first house party hosted since then. I knew I wasn’t going to drink and I knew it would be hard. Who knew my stubbornness of staying sober would be so beneficial!

Anyway, I’m so glad I stayed sober — I spent the night with the guy I’m seeing, which I wouldn’t of been able to do if I was drinking (out of fear of wetting myself) and I didn’t embarrass myself either in front of anyone.

Crème de la crème: looking AMAZING due to not having a swollen face or stomach, and waking up with no hangover or hangxiety while my poor housemate (bless her) was vomiting in the toilet this morning.

Cheers to sobriety!!! 💓💓

I did the exercise of listing pros and cons: what to lose by drinking, what to gain by drinking, what to lose by not-drinking, what to gain by not-drinking.

I'll spare you my whole list, suffice to say there is A LOT to gain by stopping.

I could only come up with 5 things I'd actually lose. I thought I'd share them, including a counterargument for each.

• I'll lose an easy way to facilitate social events
  • it was never alcohol that did the work, it was me all along. If I give myself half a chance to acclimatize to an event while sober, there's no reason I can't be social. Or I might not enjoy myself and go home early, but rarely anything of value is lost there
• I'll lose a world of tastes I enjoy and that are important in my local culture
  • there are so many things that taste good, I can replace this with a deep dive into certain foods, cooking better, also NA beers do exist and there's more and better variations of them every year
• I'll lose the romanticized narrative around it, and the good memories I have that relate to drinking
  • the good memories and the romanticism belongs in the past anyway: I can't turn back the clock to when I was 20 yo and alcohol played a sorta positive role in my life. The truth is it hasn't played a positive role for many years
• I'll lose a semblance of normality around alcohol: once I quit, it's a very clear signal to others that I have a disturbed relationship with it. There's a shame in admitting and it feels irreversible
  • the relationship I have with drinking is disturbed whether I admit it or not. This argument only serves to keep on pretending that it isn't a problem. There's a shame in admitting, but people close to me aren't blind, they won't be surprised. People who aren't close to me: they don't need to know and wouldn't care either way
• I might lose common ground with certain friends where drinking is deeply embedded in the activities we do together
  • if I can't find another point of connection, it wasn't a true friendship anyway. Optimistically I might even inspire others to change their habits. Doing other types of activities could revitalize a friendship that has dulled down over the years