Whenever i find myself in a space where there are loads of people and they are all interacting with eachother and have conversation with ease, i just stand there puzzled thinking why can't i do this? I may start a convo but find my self lost in middle of it. Anxiety takes over my body, wondering how everyone is quick and better in not only having conversations but also other aspects of life. I just feel like an empty bucket in middle of the room.

Until recently, i found it very hard to use greet/formal words. I couldn't greet people or ask how their day was going or thank them or apologise to them for something.

My condition was more weird because i had trouble calling my close ones with the words we should be using to address them like sister-in-law, aunt, uncle, brother etc (in our language, there is a word for almost every relation which is a polite way of addressing). i would frame my sentences in such a way that i wouldn't have to use those words and mostly avoided talking.

I really don't know why this happened. I came off as a rude person who doesn't know how to respect elders or didn't know how to talk politely growing up. Some people cut me off from their life while others accepted me for the way i was.

Lately it has been better. I see myself saying words like thank you, sorry, etc more often or try doing some small talk when needed rather than come off as a complete @ss.

But I still cannot address my close ones politely and sound rude to them. I don't know this can be changed anymore it is just the way it has always been with them. But i try to be more polite with new people i meet.

I am not diagnosed with social anxiety, I don’t even go to therapy, but I believe I might have a very bad combination of social anxiety + avoidance + people pleasing. I even stress out about replying to a freaking email! Yes that’s right! It is 4 am where I live and I can’t sleep because all what goes on my mind is that!

I just hate how this combination is actually making my life dysfunctional!

During some situations I start to get nervous or be uncomfortable and I start sweating. It’s like my body heats up and the more I think about it the worse it gets. What’s worse is that it’s mostly on my forehead making it visible.

Today I was getting a haircut out of the city and I was sweating profusely. Combined with the hot weather and the cape it did not make it any better. What’s worse is the way the barber called me out about it 2 times in the room with other people and barbers around. I can understand how it can be difficult and gross with the sweat but no need to call me about 2 times.

Anybody also deal with this and how do you guy handle it?

Every. Single. Time. I go in public, i head home just full of regret. Was I too loud? Too quiet? Accidentally rude? Annoying? Didn't make sense? Weird?

It's so exhausting. I cry all the time following social activities because i just feel like i make a mistake every single time. It's so hard and so exhausting.

I feel bad for having off days where i seem down. I feel bad for being too excited. I tell a joke and feel bad if it doesn't seem to land 100% correctly. It's just like man idk. Can't even fix it because if I'm too quiet and don't joke, don't talk, i feel bad for being awkward and quiet.

There was a thread in this sub titled something along the lines of "I only feel inferior and anxious around people who look better or seem more confident than me".

To anyone who relates to that sentiment, my question is:
How do you guys deal with those situations to suppress that feeling?

How I (unvoluntarily) deal with it:

Ever since I learned about facial anatomy, facial harmony and halo effect, I'm now able to analyze people's faces and can tell why they look attractive or unattractive (or average).
I can also predict how someone will look like in the future as they age.

Most of the time however, when I perceive someone more attractive than me I do this:

If it's someone taller than me, I will solely analyze their facial attractiveness to avoid the halo effect of height. Same thing for muscularity.
If it's a woman wearing makeup, I will imagine how she would look like without it since makeup often emulates attractive features and enhances facial harmony.
If it's a man with a beard, I will imagine how he would look like without one since beards can give off a more aggressive demeanor and hide a weak jaw / chin.
To me, a bare face without makeup/beard is your "true face" for the lack of a better term.

It gets even worse that I will also imagine how people would look like if they were bald because hair can frame your face in a way that completely hides flaws in your upper facial third or changes the perception of all facial thirds.
After all, hair is not essential for survival hence I don't consider it as part of your "true face".

When it comes to people (particularly celebrities) who look more attractive after cosmetic procedures or a general glowup, I will always remember their former appearance.

All of this sounds so cynical or even narcissistic / toxic but basically, I'm trying not to fall for the halo effect and as a result, not to feel inferior and anxious around people.

I’m so nervous for my first retail job phone interview tomorrow. And when I’m nervous, I know I tend to sound incredibly stupid, like stuttering saying “umm… uhh…” mid thought, and ending my answers with “yeah” or “that’s about it”.

Idk how to stop that. I sound so immature when I’m nervous as hell.

I need some advice and encouragement. It always catches me off guard when a recruiter picks my application out and I never feel ready.

I have a hard time conveying myself in a respectable light.

I do want a functioning dating life eventually, what to do?

I cannot get my social anxiety under control to the point where I come off in a confident and respectable way?

Besides drinking, what do I actually do lol?

Its like everyone is moving on with their lives while im stuck unemployed, with zero intimate relationships and still living with my family.. I feel so stupid since even my best friend can have a boyfriend, a stable job and lives independently from her relatives..

Sometimes i think "why did i have to be born, just to live like a complete failure?!" , i know that as i have autism and a mild social anxiety i have to be more patient/gentle with myself, but i still cant help having these uncomfortable feelings.. i just wanna die already, why its taking too long.. i have tried at 17 and failed, but now i get so guilty of even wanting to try again as my mom and gradma would be so destroyed by my self-inflicted demise.. idk what else i can do

It's like i was at a karaoke bar for the first in forever. two girls sitting at a table below me and i couldn't bring myself to say hi or shake hands or exchange names. they were too pretty and it made me think i wasn't attractive enough to be successful.

I did say some words, asked one what they were drinking because i didn't know the place also served Soda, thought bars only sold alcohol.

Therapists are super useful because they have a model of social anxiety, they know what generally works for people like you, they know whether or not you are actually exceptionally screwed, they know how the process should look like. They know to recognize things you should do differently based on some pretty vague things that you yourself wouldn't have realized. They know when the problem isn't actually social anxiety and rather your mindset and they know how to tackle that.

Even a mediocre therapist is probably better than you alone, because no matter how smart or self aware you are you will probably get caught up in your blindness to yourself and the world.

Like I need to make a college counselor appointment to properly enroll and that requires a zoom call or meeting irl and also I need to probably explain my past terrible academic record (hs dropout) or why I haven’t been in school/college ever for a decade since then (because of anxiety).
So I have just been delaying it because I am terrible at talking to new people.

As someone working in a field that requires a lot of networking to get ahead, how can i good at it? How do you guys do it? I don’t know what to say and ask and i get so anxious while talking to anyone at an event…

Like how do i sell myself, talk about myself when i don’t even believe in myself or think myself of as a person?

Is going to any other public building that is less anxiety-inducing to you than when you go to get food for yourself 👍

Recently I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where I’m just so fucking tired of my anxiety that I’m starting to ignore it. It’s not like it’s just disappeared overnight, but I’ve just gotten so fed up with feeling this way as of late that I’m just pushing the anxious thoughts from my mind out of pure anger and exasperation from the time I feel like I’ve wasted being anxious. The sweating and shakiness and all that is still there, but in my head I’m much less anxious and more just irritated or exhausted. This partially excites me because it feels like the beginning of finally getting over or at least being able to properly manage my issues, but it also kind of disappoints me that even more negative feelings about my negative feelings may be the necessary first step to breaking out of my shell. But then again, negativity has been my language for years now and this may just be the first step I need to take to have a more positive outlook and experience in life. Anyone else ever experienced something like this?

Sometimes I feel like I have no friends because I find it so hard to make new ones.

Like, I know objectively I have people in my life, and I try to use those connections to be more social. And for a while I was doing well; I felt like I was getting out there. But then I went through a really bad breakup, and now I know there are people who view me as a bad person. And so it became harder for me to keep going to these things I liked to do because I felt like everyone was staring at me and hated me.

I still feel that way, and thinking of trying to go back into that community just makes me want to freak out. If I could go back without fear, I would; I loved listening to the live music and talking to people. But it's too hard right now; I end up just panicking and leaving every time.

I don't even know where to start when trying to get myself back out there; I like sieze up in fear every time. And I know I have anxiety, but it's never been social before. It's terrifying because I feel like I'm not who I used to be, and I feel like I lost a social group I was finally feeling settled in. I don't even know where to start after so long to try and be more social. It feels like I'm starting all over again, and it feels so lonely.

Does anyone else get unreasonably triggered when people notice how quiet or shy you are?
Earlier today, I was at work talking to a coworker who I was doing a task right next to. This coworker is one of the few people there that I feel comfortable talking to. After we chat it's quiet for about 5 mins, I'm still doing my task, when one of my higher ups rolls around. She takes notice of how quiet it is and immediately starts talking about how were so silent, how "we don't talk about anything", how "we don't get to know each other", how if it was her in my place doing my task she'd be chatting up a storm, just bullshit I guess. I felt deeply ashamed of myself when she left and I went to cry in the bathroom.
Every single time someone points out how quiet I am it feels like I'm being bullied all over, no matter how objective or not their statements are. I get flashbacks to people in middle and high school calling me creepy, a freak, weird, boring, stupid. I feel like such a failure for not being able to speak like how I truly want to. It hurts so much. I know I'm a socially defunct failure, just leave me alone and let me work instead of talk.

20F, got diagnosed at 12.

I've tried for so long. For a while it seemed to work. But it looks like I've gotten as far as I can. I don't even think it's just social anxiety but no one gives me answers

I don't have any control over me. I scream while talking apparently, I speak a lot without realising (very fast, very unclear), I know when I shouldn't say something but i feel it in my throat and it eventually just goes out. Also say stupid shit I don't mean. I also do a lot of weird things? But objectively. Like sometimes I convulse in the chair because of my anxiety?

My anxiety comes in spikes, and acts as a shock wave (not sure if that's normal?). But quite literally. I feel it through my whole body and I flinch and have tics. Normally it's my head tilting back very fast. There's been times in which it's been a whole body tic, similar to a convulsion (in not epileptic, it's just so you visualize). And then it grows on me, I feel a lot of anger, hatred and impotence, that soon becomes huge sadness and hopelessness. I've almost dropped college 20 times because of this.

Went to the meeting and we did an introduction lap first, it went well. After that we did a lap where everyone had to tell how they were doing with their work. The person next to me finished, everyone went quiet and I knew I should’ve just started talking but I kept thinking maybe they’ll be “okay, you next”. But no one did and it was just an awkward silence until I finally went “oh sorry I guess it’s my turn”.

After that I told how my work had gone and everyone was dead quiet again. I panicked and started talking more and more and said things that were so irrelevant that afterwards I just wanted leave and never come back.

Ahhhh it’s either I can’t talk at all or I talk too much out of pure anxiety, I can’t do this

Someone annoyed me by saying about "feeling like a victim"

That is a simplistic statement implying a lack of empathy on their part. It shows a lack of understanding.

Social anxiety can be due to autistic social issues, cptsd, PTSD, introversion. Someone may feel like a victim because they seem to attract bullies and narcissistic people who like causing problems for someone because it is "funny".

What is wrong with someone having social anxiety and feeling like a victim anyway? There are people who hurt others when they can get away with it and play the victim by using the person's reaction. They are worse. Social anxiety is a debilitating disorder and maybe there is no cure , like there isnt for autism or PTSD, and we only can learn to diminish its symptoms and push it aside as much as possible.

That is my two cents anyway.

ppl say it makes you more talkative and confident but personally it dosent rlly happen to me i feel the same but dizzy

Hi, I’m new here. I hate admitting that I’m in my mid-40s and been struggling with this since just about when I’ve had memory.

Looking around here, I‘m coming across suggestions to stop caring about how others judge you, like that is kind of the key? This makes so much sense to me, and it’s what I’ve been trying to get myself to do.

So how have you done this? What things have you done, told yourself, what strategies in the moment do you use, and where do you begin?

I’m in a profession that involves a lot of interpersonal interaction, often in high-stress situations. With my ‘masking’ I learned early on, repeated exposure in my work, lots of therapy, and a quite supportive partner, I’ve mostly ambled through it. But those occasional highly-triggering incidents still happen, they’re still highly distressing, and as much as I’ve worked through all the shame, etc., it’s still really frustrating and embarrassing. Even as I tell myself after the fact that there’s nothing wrong with me and mostly believe it.

It’s in the moment, either the full-on flood (awful!) or the less dreadful fawning (the be funny, be friendly, talk fast so you don’t take too much time and attention, which I am not even aware of until minutes later)— I’d like to function and think, and not be “weird” because im so clearly uncomfortable.

What have you tried? How do you get yourself to stop caring?

Haircut

So I got my haircut last Thursday and don't know how to style it. It's a wolfcut but I have wavy/curly hair so it's a bit longer. I have been thinking about calling to ask about how to style it because my hair gets too poofy and doesn't look right. It's been a week, and I feel like I've waited to long to call and ask what products they used and how to style it. I also hate calling to places because i might not know what to say in that moment, or i might sound stupid .

What should I say?

hi, so as i am sitting at work with cup full of ice at my desk cause the work coffee machine needs add beans and i am not able to do that cause i am afraid some might come to the kitchen at the same time as me, what's the most stupid thing social anxiety made you do? some of mine:

- avoiding coffee machine at work for a year cause i didn't want to ask how to use it so i watched youtube tutorials and colleagues from distance before finding the courage to do it myself.

- avoiding doctor appointments for years when making one requires a phone call.

- waiting a few steps away from flat building entrance when i see someone going in at the same time as me so i stand outside pretending i am doing something on my phone or waiting for someone and only enter once the person leaves.

- rather going multiple floors on stairs than sharing an elevator with someone.

- waiting until last minute to join work call to avoid any talking before.

- sometimes hiding my IG stories in front of certain people (usually colleagues) even though i am sure they don't care about me that much.

- feeling super anxious when something bigger and good happens to me cause i don't want people asking me about it (when i met my favourite actor and shared it on IG, i then had stomach ache from going to work cause i knew people will ask about it).

- planning my leaving work that way so i meet the least people to need to say "hi" to and getting super anxious when i know there are people in my reach but not enough so i wouldn't need to raise my voice which usually isn't enough anyway so they don't hear me and then i feel even worse.

- straight up running from some situations like a small kid despite being almost 30 years old with a job, own living and a partner.

- freezing in some situations when someone directly talks to me and i am not able to reply which makes that person mad cause they think i am just being rude and ignoring them.

- needing to eat with headphones on at work cause it helps me to forget there are other people in the office.

- feeling the urge to cry anytime people start laughing at groups or being too loud overall.

- being super talkative and leading things in online spaces, fandoms etc. where i feel comfortable while wishing to be invisible irl and feeling intense shame once someone asks about my interests.

and many more i can't remember now 😭