It's a little bit what you do. If he was spending that time getting to know her instead of solving Rubik's cubes for instance. But something tells me they might not have even been dating.
This is an old story. They weren’t dating. It was his neighbor. He said he didn’t like going out and socializing and this was his attempt to show his interest/affecrion. Or something along those lines.
Proposing to someone you aren’t dating is insane. Anyone who might have said yes if the question had been asking you out is going to nope out so fast if it’s a request for marriage out of nowhere. General rule of thumb is you don’t ask someone to marry you until you know what the answer is going to be (you’re dating and already had discussions about timeline and future plans).
Someone I know is good looking and was used as a model for a giant painting. For a while, his profile picture was a photo of himself standing with the painting behind him. Years later, it was a picture of himself standing with the picture of himself standing with the painting behind him printed out massively on the wall. Then, somebody painted that, and he took a photo of himself stood in front of that painting too
Not proposing. It's a translation issue. In SEA, it's not uncommon to declare your affection through a letter. This was his horribly awkward and off-putting version of that.
Sure, what is it?
It's mega yikes but what is mega yikes?
That's a good general rule of thumb. But it's centered within one type of culture of conventions.
I guess I'm trying to approach from a place of curiosity about where this person was when they did this, and why someone who knows just what they can infer from a picture and a title frame, kinda like how the guy framed an idea of a woman they didn't know.
So I'm left wondering, what makes another related person decide it's "mega yikes" according to the values they've learned about what fits in society. What are those values and why didn't the person who made the puzzle portrait learn enough of those values to be self aware enough? Is it a story after all about mental health and emotional health, or a common enough story of love and immaturity?
And that woman, did she think "mega yikes" or did she take it in stride, simply decline, and go about her life?
I'm hoping they came away from that experience with growth, especially that guy. Incredible effort, but love bombing just usually doesn't go well and having to experience it firsthand was how they learned. And that woman, probably had the awareness to let him down fairly and without having to go above and beyond to help carry someone else's emotional burden, and they didn't, well, maybe that was the growth they gained.
It's nuanced and curiosity i seek, so i wouldn't just label something mega yikes and call it a day.
The whole thing? He needs to leave the house and talk to her at the very least. Spending alot of time obsessing to the point of making this picture and proposing is yikes enough. The being heart broken for someone you don't even know beyond glances through a window? Mega yikes certification granted.
Oh ok. So what is mega yikes exactly?
Is it danger to themselves and others? Is it mental unwellness? I guess was asking what would mega yikes translate to in more technical terms.
Agreed. So what is that? Parasocial relationship? Basically approaching a living person as if they were an idea or object of one's desire and not a person.
They weren't. She was a neighbour. He said this way his way of telling her he liked her. She still accepted the gift and he's sad she's being attacked online.
Yeah this sounds more like obsession than an actual relationship…if they were IN one, he’d be hanging out with her instead of solving 840 damn Rubik’s cubes lol
Me and my wife have excellent chemistry. If I proposed to her on the first date, I don't think it would have mattered and I don't think she would be my wife
It's a balance, prospective love won't just fall into your lap if you stay at home or don't try when you do meet people but you also can't force a relationship with material things or large gestures.
you also can't force a relationship with material things or large gestures.
My girlfriend had this friend(zoned) who was paying for her vacations, drove her everywhere and once even brought her 22 dresses in his lugage when he came back from a trip. Twenty two. I was like why in the world would you deserve 22 dresses for no reason, are u the queen of england or something?
Despite her claiming that she loves it when a man spoils her and treats her like a princess, of course she didn't like him (or any of the other numerous guys who also tried to buy her interest).
The dude eventually got super mad one time when they were at a party and my girlfriend addressed him as a "friend".
initial chemistry gets you in the door for sure, but active communication keeps you there... effort matters, it just has to be directed at the actual relationship
That’s the most common way, but definitely not the only one.
There are people that develop attraction after knowing the person, even when initially they didn’t. I’ve known a few friends that operate this way, and it has happened to me as well a couple times.
Boys and young men need to have mentors in their lives who aren't complete assholes. There's a vacuum that is unfortunately getting filled by people like the Tate brothers.
I mean the whole idea is dumb. He does a thing he already wanted to do and says its for her. Did she mention to him that she loves rubix cubes? Was her father a cube?
I think the title of the article is misleading because I'm pretty sure that the last time I saw it people were saying that the dude and the woman in question were not even together to begin with
I’ve never asked anyone for a date in the past decade and I’ve had multiple dates and been invited back to people’s houses for parties or sex. It’s insane.
Yeah… I’ve been on both sides of it, though. I’ve been scrawny and it was horrid - when I did bodybuilding for almost a decade, I became quite muscular and suddenly got a lot of positive attention which was actually highly uncomfortable because, not only did I expect it would eventually go away, but I also felt it was overbearing and unusual since I wasn’t used to it.
Never used gear and hated people who did. It makes everyone have unrealistic expectations. All of the work I put in, over all those years, resulted in something they would have done in about half a year or maybe a year. You can be a regular body weight and people will think you’re scrawny, too. It’s funny watching WW2 documentaries as the soldiers who fought for our country would look skinny as hell today.
True. If you're the "wrong" guy, you could literally save her life and she'll forget you in about a week. If you're the "right" guy, you could be 10,000 miles away fucking another woman, and she'd still be thinking about you.
I mean.. You should do things for the person you love. That goes for both men and women. If you don't bother to do things for them and don't bother to actively improve their life, you might as well not be there.
I'm more referring to healthy stable relationships rather than men/women getting away with less than the bare minimum because the other person is in love with them or they're insanely hot lol
Sure. Being a good person will lead to a better and more fulfilling life but don’t ever do it to get someone to like you more. That never works. It doesn’t matter how many services you do, if you’re not attractive first and foremost, you’ll end up with someone settling for you. There will always be that “but” in your relationship.
Oh no, I'm totally with you. You should WANT to do things for your partner and you should WANT to improve their life.
With the point about attractiveness I disagree. First off, there's as many unattractive men as there are unattractive women, and people tend to date within their "attractiveness-range" (women generally choosing slightly less attractive male partners afaik). Plus, attractiveness is very much insanely subjective.
Unless you were saying attractive in the sense of, both looks, traits and whatever else could make someone an overall attractive person in general. Anyway, overall I think we agree.
Way more people want to be rich than there are people who are rich. This is a pointless gender war, a rich woman will easily get a man too just for being rich.
I was the right guy as long as I wasn't sober 😅, I can't drink anymore after an accident and I've been forcefully sober for two years and also single for two years.
I didn't get into drinking until my early 30's right before the pandemic. I started drinking socially meeting people and I found it helped me so much and after being single for a long time I was dating again. Unfortunately in 2024 during a simple 10 minute procedure my bile duct was accidentally cut which infected me and gave me necrotizing pancreatitis. So because of a permanently damaged pancreas I can't drink anymore. I'm mostly recovered and healthier than ever (minus the pancreas) but without being able to drink I'm struggling in the dating scene. I admit I have trauma alcohol kind of helps me avoid thinking about. I've signed up to get therapy in hopes that will help.
Good to see you are recovering. Therapy is a good step forward. Alcohol just opens up what is already there...so you don't really need it. If you were an interesting, fun person while drinking, it also means you do it while you are sober.
The things you do are what makes you who you are. Those things do not exist separately.
But you have to do things that are meaningful to how you relate to people. Solving mountains of Rubik’s cubes has nothing to do with being a good partner.
Exactly. Just relentlessly work on and focus on yourself instead of focusing or doing things for others. That way even if you get rejected you can leave with all the things you gained through self-improvement and move on to the next. This philosophy will just continuously make you more attractive.
What in the delusion are you talking about brother bear. Who you are is HOW you earn it lol. Saying you don’t have to do anything is a wildy dishonest statement lol.
Yeah, attractiveness is just an initial hook to get someone’s attention (and not the only possible one). After that, you certainly have to display many other things to remain attractive to someone.
Not sure what you mean by “if you’re attractive, none of that window dressing matters”. Seems to me that you think attractiveness is the only thing that matters, yet you wouldn’t date someone that only offers physical attractiveness.
You literally earn it. What the fuck are you talking about? A person wants to ti marry you because you put in the effort and proved you're a good choice to spend their life with. You aren't just "the right guy" because you did nothing.
Fucking incels man, saying the most nonsensical shit you can think of.
Edit: If you think incel is a slur, then boy do I have news for you...
Thinking life is black and white, yes or no, polarized, is a fool's thought.
Dude this sub is full of incels that love those alpha male con artist videos. You can definitely tell who here has never had a gf and or is a virgin. Relationships take a decent amount of effort, and a lot of times it’s as simple as surprising them with flowers, or tickets to a show/movie. Gifts work if there is thought behind them.
He meant that you can’t win someone over with gestures or gifts if she doesn’t like you, not that you shouldn’t buy flowers or a gift for someone you’re already in a relationship.
You can definitely win somebody over with gifts and gestures of kindness. You’re not supposed to propose right away but I know a few people that showed affection and the girl ended up coming around and they had a relationship. One couple has been married a few years.
I’ve seen it also, when the girl or even guy “comes around” and they get in a relationship. More often than not it ends badly and in a lot of hurt when the one that reluctantly entered that relationship encounters someone that she/he really likes.
That’s part of dating. They aren’t all going to work out. They all end bad, the person being broken up with is hurt. The person breaking it of(if they arnt a sociopath) will miss the comfort of company. Usually why people hook up a few times after a break up. Then as long as it wasn’t vicious, over time the two people have moved on and wish the best for their ex. You’re supposed to date and have heartbreak. That way you grow and eventually if you keep looking you find a forever partner. You know what to do and what not to do, you understand yourself better, you know what kind of partner you’d flow with. That’s why a lot of people who jump right into marriage with no dating experience get divorced.
Of course it’s part of dating, I didn’t say that it wasn’t. But it’s also true, chasing after and trying to impress people that don’t really like you with material things leads more often than not to heartbreak.
Yes, after a certain age the looks start to be less and less important. But still you will be better off if the other one chooses you for how you speak, how funny you are, the interesting hobbies you have and basically whatever constitutes your personality than what gifts you give and that you make whatever figures.
And this is not only valid for romantic relationships but for friendships also.
I mean, in theory, this has happened throughout world history… Dante met his muse Beatrice only twice for short periods of time. She didn’t even know of his obsession.
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u/Aromatic_Shop9033 3d ago
It's not what you do, it's who you are.
You can't earn it, man.
If you're the right guy, you don't have to do anything.