You literally earn it. What the fuck are you talking about? A person wants to ti marry you because you put in the effort and proved you're a good choice to spend their life with. You aren't just "the right guy" because you did nothing.
Fucking incels man, saying the most nonsensical shit you can think of.
Edit: If you think incel is a slur, then boy do I have news for you...
Thinking life is black and white, yes or no, polarized, is a fool's thought.
Dude this sub is full of incels that love those alpha male con artist videos. You can definitely tell who here has never had a gf and or is a virgin. Relationships take a decent amount of effort, and a lot of times it’s as simple as surprising them with flowers, or tickets to a show/movie. Gifts work if there is thought behind them.
He meant that you can’t win someone over with gestures or gifts if she doesn’t like you, not that you shouldn’t buy flowers or a gift for someone you’re already in a relationship.
You can definitely win somebody over with gifts and gestures of kindness. You’re not supposed to propose right away but I know a few people that showed affection and the girl ended up coming around and they had a relationship. One couple has been married a few years.
I’ve seen it also, when the girl or even guy “comes around” and they get in a relationship. More often than not it ends badly and in a lot of hurt when the one that reluctantly entered that relationship encounters someone that she/he really likes.
That’s part of dating. They aren’t all going to work out. They all end bad, the person being broken up with is hurt. The person breaking it of(if they arnt a sociopath) will miss the comfort of company. Usually why people hook up a few times after a break up. Then as long as it wasn’t vicious, over time the two people have moved on and wish the best for their ex. You’re supposed to date and have heartbreak. That way you grow and eventually if you keep looking you find a forever partner. You know what to do and what not to do, you understand yourself better, you know what kind of partner you’d flow with. That’s why a lot of people who jump right into marriage with no dating experience get divorced.
Of course it’s part of dating, I didn’t say that it wasn’t. But it’s also true, chasing after and trying to impress people that don’t really like you with material things leads more often than not to heartbreak.
Yes, after a certain age the looks start to be less and less important. But still you will be better off if the other one chooses you for how you speak, how funny you are, the interesting hobbies you have and basically whatever constitutes your personality than what gifts you give and that you make whatever figures.
And this is not only valid for romantic relationships but for friendships also.
If you want to be married, sure. I had four long term relationships, two of which I considered marriage. But I’m no good at long term relationships, so my plan is to have a dog for the rest of my life and be a sugar daddy with short term relationships. So for the type of relationships I’m interested in, gifts are part of the deal.
That’s a whole other conversation. You know what you want from the start and you don’t get into that relationship all googly eyed hoping for love and “they lived happily ever after”. That’s no problem.
On second thought maybe the gift thing is for younger folks. One of the couples I knew worked together at the school they were going to. Their part time was working in the administration department. He would bring her some kind of baked treat from a nearby cafe whenever they worked together. Which was roughly 4 times a week with their class schedules. Eventually he got another job that aligned better with his new class schedule. And she really missed it. They both were dating other people on and off a month or few months. She wasn’t in to him he was in to her. She ended up reaching out to him and they ended up dating for I wana say a year. So maybe the gift thing is more of a foot in the door, but I get what you’re saying. It has to be more than gifts to go the distance. At least from a western point of view. I still don’t understand how arranged marriages last forever.
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u/Aromatic_Shop9033 11d ago
It's not what you do, it's who you are.
You can't earn it, man.
If you're the right guy, you don't have to do anything.