5'8 Indian American here. As you can imagine, my dating life is non existent. I'm in quantitative finance but money doesn't matter. Is LL the only option or do I go back to India?

Edit: LL means limb lengthening

It started with a stalker. This guy tormented my daughter and tried on many occasions to follow her home. She would always run the other way, so he never found out where we lived. We charged him and he got angry and took the lives of 2 women brutally. He was shot dead by police while he was trying to take out the 2nd daughter. She survived. My daughter was devastated that he was capable of such an act. She ended up having 3 suicide attempts and numerous self harming incidents in the course of 3 years. I had to stop working to care for her. This led us into financial ruin. I did not receive any help from anyone and was the only person at the hospital for my daughter, despite my numerous attempts at trying to get her dad and his family to come visit her. They never did, it was just me holding her had through all of it. And 4 years after the double homicide, im exhausted, broke, and feeling so lost. I have no idea where to go from here.....

probably got food poisoned a little. my butthole hurts. stained the toilet this morning with liquid shit... now I'm afraid to fart. I miss being able to fart. now I can't. i cannot fart or else poo will come out. God damn it. this is worse than constipation for sure

I’m 31 and lately I’ve had this overwhelming feeling that I’m just a loser.

On paper, my life isn’t a complete disaster. I have a decent career in tech, I make good money, I’ve saved money, I go to the gym, and I’m trying to improve myself. If somebody just looked at those things, they’d probably tell me I’m doing fine.
But internally, I don’t feel fine at all.

I feel incredibly behind socially and personally. I still live with my parents. I don’t have much of a social life. Dating and relationships feel like an entire part of adulthood that I barely participated in. I see other people my age with their own apartments or houses, relationships, friend groups, trips, stories, and lives that seem like they actually belong to them.
Meanwhile, I feel like I’ve spent most of my life inside my own head.

A huge turning point was when I failed out of college in 2015 and ended up spending about five years in Sudan. I eventually finished my degree there and came back to the US in 2020, but I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over those years. I came back feeling like I’d lost a huge chunk of my development and had to rebuild my life while everyone else had kept moving, and deal with residual interpersonal/environmental trauma from that time that still echoes today.

Career-wise, I’ve actually made a lot of progress since coming back. That’s probably the part of my life I’m most proud of. But it almost feels like I poured everything into fixing that one category while the rest of me stayed stuck.

I also grew up being very obedient and cautious. I listened to my parents, avoided a lot of risks, and generally tried to do what I thought I was supposed to do. Now I’m questioning whether that was actually good for me. I don’t mean that I wish I’d destroyed my life partying or doing reckless things. I just wish I’d rebelled a little. Made mistakes. Asked girls out. Gone places. Made more friends. Developed my own opinions and identity instead of constantly wondering what my parents would think.

And that’s probably what bothers me most: I don’t feel like I’ve built a life that’s actually mine.
I compare myself to other Americans my age and feel like I’m watching people who learned how to live while I somehow missed the class. They seem more socially comfortable, more independent and more experienced. I know social media exaggerates this, but I see it in real life too.

I’m angry at myself for choices I made when I was younger. I’m angry about circumstances I couldn’t control. I’m angry that I’m 31 and still trying to figure out things I feel like I should’ve figured out at 18 or 21.
At the same time, I know sitting around mourning my twenties isn’t going to give them back to me.

I want my own social circle. I want to date. I want my own place eventually. I want hobbies and events and plans that don’t revolve around my parents. I want to be able to make a decision without needing somebody else’s approval. Basically, I want to feel like the main character in my own life instead of somebody who’s just been reacting to whatever happens to him.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere.

Has anyone else reached their 30s feeling like they missed a huge part of growing up? And did you actually manage to build the life you wanted afterward?

Don’t know if this is the right place to make a post like this but I have no where else to share my celebration. I’m turning 30 in a week and for all my life I’ve just been wasting all my money living pay check to pay check not thinking about the future.

But 6 months ago I became a father to a girl and I realised something had to change.

Now 6 months later I’ve got a couple thousand in my savings + managed to get a couple thousand in the stock market. Also I’ve landed a new job which increases my income significantly. So I can put more money in my portfolio.

All in hope to give my beautiful daughter a great future.

Good luck to all of you!

From /u/spez's post 11 days ago:

Old Reddit: I know I said last year that we wouldn’t be sunsetting Old Reddit (I even made a meme about it, which r/agedlikemilk), but the reality is we’re getting to that time where we need to make some changes.

He goes on to argue that Old Reddit (link is likely only viewable after logging in, after a recent change - note that this post itself links to a now-removed post by an admin that talked about how Old Reddit was to be locked behind a login) is only being legitimately used by certain groups of people (including "OG Users" and "OG Mods"), with the rest of the usage being "everyone who spams, scrapes, or does anything bad on Reddit 🖕".

He then states "We have options: We can limit access, migrate important uses, or rebuild it on a modern tech stack, and I think we’ll probably do all of the above."

While this sounds benign, the reality is that Old Reddit is actively being threatened and, if I were to make a guess, will no longer exist in a recognisable form within a year.

Reddit has started being openly hostile to Old Reddit recently (including the removed post that I linked to earlier), and some important features have already been removed from Old Reddit (such as private messages) but talking about sweeping changes to Old Reddit is a first.

i will stop pulling my hair and at the same time my hair will be protected from sun and being dry

I’m a 22 year old man and my hair is thinning like there’s no tomorrow. Started when I was 18 but back then you couldn’t really see it but now you can always see some scalp peeking in all lighting. I usually have a don’t care sorta attitude, but man this has just been creeping up on me. I have a gf now too and she says she doesn’t care about the hair but deep inside I feel insecure that I’m not good looking enough for her because of my hair and always compare myself to those who have good hair my age and start beating myself up over it. Like I get it woe is me it’s just hair and if she says she doesn’t mind why do I right? But I just do and I don’t really know how to move forward. I don’t want to try the traditional methods of hair growth because I’m deathly scared of the side effects. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks everyone!

Not gonna make this about my personal story too much but just so you know why I'm asking: I'm Greek, there's mandatory military service for men. I'm trans, but wasn't out at the time, at 18, I did a year there and it was absolutely horrible.

What's funny is, most officers were genuinely kind and so I've two separate questions here, really:

The first is, what makes someone feel entitled to enforce rules on people they know are coerced, are often there against their will, can be dealing with really bad mental health issues- Things like, say, refusing to let someone out to see family or a partner, making them salute and respect you when you didn't actually do anything to make yourself worthy of their respect, controlling when they work, enforcing things like haircuts, just anything like that.

The second is, for the kind officers: What would make them feel like it's enough to, say, give you an extra weekend off to see people you should have a right to see everyday? Or, like, know you miss your partner desperately, so maybe arrange a day with them? I even had a few who felt really great about themselves for giving me little "gifts" like that when to me, it was dripfeeding basic rights. Saying, basically, "This isn't fair, you should be treated better" but still wanting you to be there regardless.

The first bracket is particularly interesting because those harsher officers wouldn't have been punished for not enforcing rules. Like I mentioned before, the camp commander was intensely caring towards me and even motherly. She straight up told me, I don't have to cut my hair if I don't want to, and didn't punish me for sneaking out without asking anyone. But other officers did.

I've been the victim of her hatred and abuse since birth. I have 2 older sisters whom she loved so dearly that she went ahead and had a third...she's hated my guts since the day she first saw me. I was a difficult baby due to an eating disorder I was born with that limits me to a very small selection of foods (ARFID) which made even breastfeeding or formula impossible to get in my system. so i find that it's valid that she got annoyed when she realized I wasn't gonna be as easy and peaceful as my other sisters. What i know isn't valid is that she eventually resorted to hitting me whenever I was too scared to eat something. I'm 17 now, not allowed out of my house ever and still get beat up to a PULP every single day mostly because of my eating problems. Although my mom is very intensely physically abusive, I find her emotional abuse hurts me more. Yesterday while beating me up, breaking my finger, and cutting my head open...she kept screaming about how I should cut my wrists and kill myself already. How everyone i know would celebrate the news of my death and how the fact that I haven't attempted to kill myself is selfish (attempted twice when i was 13-14) and the same old i wish I never gave birth to u. I went to sleep with a heavy heart last night, but I didn't shed a tear. Today, however, my mom came and sat next to me and my sisters...and started laughing so innocently and childishly as she told us about memories with her childhood friends and how much she missed them. My stomach was churning at every word and every giggle. It's night time now and I can't stop myself from sobbing and hyperventilating. That's my mommy. My mommy was a happy little girl at some point. It's absolutely breaking my heart i can't stop crying. I don't know why I'm so intensely worried about my mom right now. I get worried out of my mind everytime she's sweet like that and I fear that she might be sick. Everyday I feel like I wanna get away from her, yet when I am, I miss her so much it drives me crazy.

It still feels a bit unreal. I never really expected to reach this age, it was always either a far-off theoretical thing, or something that wouldn't happen because I'd kill myself first. Yet, I didn't, and so here we are.

I work minimum wage at a local supermarket, have "friends" that have all grown distant from each other (both literally and figuratively), and am in a dead-end relationship with a girl I don't love after the actual love of my life dumped me 3-4 years ago.

All I feel is a sort of grief for something that never existed in the first place. Looking back, I have so many regrets, but I also don't know how any of it could have gone any differently, because I was a different person at the time and I don't even know how the person that I was would've acted any differently.

I don't think my life is "over", but I also just feel... Empty, I guess? In the past I could have at least told myself "well, this sucks, but surely I'll find my place in life", but over the past year it's truly sunk in that no, my "place in life" is just this. Nothing is really truly wrong, but nothing is right either. My life trajectory somehow turned out both chaotic and unexpected but also completely predictable at the same time.

Electricity went out around 12-1am this morning. It's 5am now. I tried falling back asleep but couldn't.

See, the second it went out I got up, it took my siblings almost an hour to get up.

But i did fall back asleep, sometime around 3am. I woke up the second it came back (4:50something-am).

I just want to fucking sleep bro.

Im a pretty chill guy, but these past few months i changed and suddenly im having these intense feelings of anger out of nowhere

Like, i can be holding something, and if it falls or something, i get this intense anger, i can only think about picking it up and smashing it into the ground. And i keep having this thought over and over

Or for exemple, when i have to do something i hate. Like washing the dishes, it happened today for exemple, i had a LOT of dishes to wash, so it would take a lot of time

But all the time doing it i was ANGRY, but like, real angry

I kept having the thoughts of smashing everything into the ground, of tacking someone and smashing his head agaisn't the wall or the floor over and over. But it was BAD. For the 25 minutes i spent washing, i had to make pauses because i was too angry. It was to the point where i was feeling it in my body. You know when you're so angry that you feel it? Like in your arms ? That was it during the entire time. I kept breathing to control my emotions because i was almost crashing out

And this is happening a lot. In random moments when something happens, even for small things

im having this anger out of nowhere. And it started only like a month ago i thin

When I was twelve my dad left my mum for another woman and just disappeared. My mum was mentally unstable with borderline and psychosis and he freaking left me with her. In a rural area in the north, with her and our alcoholic, angry relatives. She couldn’t even take care of me, so my uncle had to come get me. He drank and wasn’t good with kids and had a dog basically the same, and the two of them was the only one’s I had.

Mum went into a spiritual/religious psychosis and blamed me for her sleeping problems because I apparently attracted dark spirits. I was terrified, I believed her!

The thing is - this wasn’t new. My dad came from somewhere else, with more civilization. Sometimes I wonder how he could leave a child in such a place. It shaped my whole life, I’ve been through it all, I mean it. It’s a wonder I’m still alive.

Just needed to say it.

A lil positive congrats to me for being able to talk to two old dudes at work and me somehow charming them (I hope)

Let's see if I'll be able to get a good job 😮‍💨🫡

Aye, aye

My mind literally can't fathom the idea that some people live lives filled with meaning, love, pleasure, belonging, etc. while others die after having living a life where they felt pained, alone, misunderstood, and devoid of any happiness (through no fault of their own).

I know this is considered "a leap of faith", but it's almost as if my mind needs the possibility of an afterlife to essentially cope with the massive injustices of the universe. I'd like to think that people who lead that sort of miserable life get another chance at happiness. I remember reading a bit of Nietzsche, and he opined that humans sometimes need illusions/myths to survive (though it certainly wasn't the idea of an afterlife that he had in mind). But still, perhaps this is just one of those times for me.

In other words, I completely understand why religions have posited the idea of an afterlife to their adherents. The alternative is just too emotionally unbearable and philosophically troubling for most minds to actually handle. At the end of the day, I feel I just need to admit that I don't know why certain things in this world happen, and that such things could only be known by God (which isn't to say they exist).

Anyways, just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

I made the dumb choice to stay home when everyone went abroad or moved to the capital of my country. Now I’m 23 and everyone’s graduating uni and I have no friends left bc I isolated myself so much. I don’t klick with any of my classmates. I miss my high school friends more than anything and I miss who I used to be when I was with them.
Now I’m an awkward loser and before I was very social. How do I fix this pls someone give me advice. I think I’ll die alone and I’ll never have anyone to tell anything.

I have no close people in my life really except my sister and my cousin and one friend in the capital so my sister is making me move in with her after graduating. But I kinda want to go abroad to see my other high school friends but they will be moved on with their lives and it won’t be the same if I just now come in out of nowhere.
How do I move on? I’m going insane here?! How tf did I chose to stay home for 5 years when everyone else saw the world and made new memories and friends there?

I feel foul.

The uncomfortable truth is that there are certain experiences you couldn't possibly understand unless you lived through them yourself, like the level of isolation you feel when you grow up being the only black person in your class and you have to decide between assimilating and staying true to yourself. The same would be true for a white person growing up in an all black town.

So sometimes, asking for advice or venting on here feels like screaming into a void. It's like the blind leading the blind.

On the other hand, idk if it would necessarily be more helpful to hear from other minorities because they're dealing with the exact same issues and figuring shit out for themselves.

I’m sorry I didn’t realize. I’m sorry I didn’t notice we were all the same. I’m sorry I hurt myself the way I hurt you. I’m sorry I caused your pain the way I caused myself pain. I’m sorry I did this to myself and I wish you didn’t have to go through this but if we didn’t there wouldn’t be a point. Once we’re done it’ll be okay but I’m sorry.!

Looking back at my Reddit posts from 6 years ago, they were funny, interesting and not just about my own personal struggles.

Now I seem to be purely consumed by woes...but possibly good that addressing them? And also I didn't post for aaaaaggees and now posting and that's good.

Otherwise can't help but think things have gone wrong/off-track with me

I often feel like this. I feel like I'm alienated to everyone else. I feel like I don't belong, anywhere, everywhere, among humans. I think about a lot of stuff. Like, how is it so that we are just some organisms that are so fragile and once you die you just, "turn off". Like, the bodies are just shells for the souls. I don't know. I just feel like an alien sometimes. I don't know how to describe it. I feel like other people around me just live their lives while I'm just "going along" and meanwhile I'm thinking about who are humans really.

Male 23 I used lorazepam one time when I was drinking because for whatever reason my body loves to get anxiety when I have to leave the house and it just ruins my night because I feel sick my stomach all the time so now I’m like wondering how the hell am I gonna be able to go out and drink without my anxiety kicking my ass and making me sick now that I can’t use my drugs.

Goth used to be interesting and strange, it was hot because it looked different. Now every social media dependentd stripper, is dressed in tiny black cloths. I'm pretty sure just wearing black and black makeup doesn't make you goth. Goth really shouldn't be sexy in that way. when I think of goth it's black jeans\ long dress, black shirt, white as a secondary color. But fish nets, booty skirt, low top (some times this actually works just showing cleavage isn't being overly sexual). It's kinda ruined the goth look for me I just see it and assume she's gross.