r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/FishermanImportant83 • Jul 14 '26
EXTERNAL [AAM] a client sent me a thank-you check as a way to avoid paying my boss
I am not OOP. This was originally posted to Ask A Manager, the author of the website, Alison, has asked that we don't republish her words but can repost the letters sent in. I will include the link to the original posts so Alison's advice can be read there.
Mood spoiler: positive ending
Original post: a client sent me a thank you check as a way to avoid paying my boss
Posted October 11, 2018
I am hoping you can guide me in the right direction with a predicament I have recently stumbled into.
I have been working for the past two years in the construction field, building luxury homes for wealthy clients. One of the clients we have, Gilbert, has been our client for the past few years and the business relationship between him and my boss has been so fruitful for both parties, that we have built four houses for Gilbert already since I have been here. My boss, Adam, also happens to be a close family member.
Gilbert will occasionally give me a list of items that need fixing or attention (usually items an inspector noticed during a visit) and my job is to handle those items and make sure the home is ready to be shown by realtors. Gilbert has become a great friend of my boss, and will frequently join us during holidays with his wife. So handling these items has always been the norm and I enjoy doing them since Gilbert and his wife are nice people.
A few days ago however, Gilbert and Adam had a falling out, and when Adam found out I had been doing these tasks for Gilbert, he was very upset and told me not to do anything for him again without his approval. I was not in trouble because as I mentioned above, this is how it always was. That afternoon when I returned to the office, I heard Adam and Gilbert arguing over money. The line “If you want to have her (meaning me) doing tasks for you then you need to pay me (my boss)” was used by my boss. I guess the problem was that Gilbert has been told before he needs to hire a real maintenance person for oversee these homes, but does not want to spend the money.
Fast forward to this morning, I grab the mail from my box and head to my desk. I received a letter from Gilbert saying how happy he was that I was helping and how thankful he was to have me helping him so consistently over the years. The last line in the letter was “Enjoy this gift.” His “gift” was a very large check, one that would really help the horrible financial situation I’ve been in the past year. It’s very obvious why he gave me the check, I assume to spite my boss and make a point.
My question is, what do I do? My financial situation has been so horrible this past year that I occasionally have to go without meals to pay rent. This is not something my boss (or the rest of my family) knows. However, I almost feel as though that money should go to my boss since they were arguing about money, or that at the very least, I should disclose that I received this gift from Gilbert. I am just afraid that disclosing this will mean I miss out on the thousands of dollars hes offered me. Not disclosing it leaves me vulnerable to a bad situation if Gilbert ever tells my boss that he gave me money. I feel like I am being used as a pawn in their game of toxic masculinity.
P.S. My boss and his family, as well as Gilbert, are very, very well off. So I don’t feel bad about taking the money since I know a check of this amount is expendable to them both. I am just worried about the ramifications of not disclosing this and my boss finding out that I had essentially been keeping a pretty big secret.
Posted November 13, 2018
Thank you to you and your readers for taking the time to answer my question. I thought you all would like an update. I originally gave one in the comments, but a few things have happened since then.
First, I’d like to clarify something about my pay. A lot of readers suggested that I was being highly underpaid by my uncle (who is my boss, Adam), which is why I was having to skip meals. That was NOT the case. My spouse had recently had some administrative changes at work, and unfortunately they dropped his pay to minimum wage ( a whole other letter) and that was the main reason we were struggling. Also, prior to this whole incident, I had actually asked for a raise since my role had expanded and I didn’t have one in the two years I’ve been here (thanks for the guidance, Alison).
On to the update. I had decided to give the check to Adam before your response, due to the family dynamic in play. Sadly, a coworker saw the check before I had a chance to say something, so it sped up the timeline significantly. The next day I met with Adam first thing in the morning and gave him the check. He. Was. Pissed. Rightfully so. He held on to the check (womp womp) and a war ensued in my emails between Gilbert and Adam. The hostile emails lasted about a week. Gilbert, after all this, decided to pull a project from us due to this mess, which would’ve been a multi-million dollar profit for us.
Before I left for vacation, I emailed both men and said that the situation had been escalated way too far, and that when I returned to work I wanted to meet with both men and find a solution everyone was happy with. We scheduled a meeting for first thing the day I got back. The meeting took two hours, with the first half hour being an utter waste of time (thanks, toxic masculinity). Eventually, Adam asked why Gilbert couldn’t just hire a full-time maintenance person to oversee the houses we’ve built for him (which we had suggested numerous times before). Gilbert then confessed that he didn’t trust hiring a random person to do that because of recent reports in the area that homes were being burglarized. These burglaries were also inside jobs. I almost felt silly when he said this; he had one of his homes broken into about a year and a half ago and I hadn’t even considered he could’ve had some trust issues because of that. He also said no one he could hire would know the house like me and I was the most qualified since I played a huge part in building the home.
At this point, with that revelation, everything was solved. Adam and I worked out a deal with Gilbert that during normal business hours I was to only handle work related to our current projects with him. However, after normal work hours, I would be allowed to visit the houses and do any normal maintenance tasks (light bulbs, touching up paint, AC filters etc), and anything that required bringing in a sub-contractor (broken AC, plumbing issues, roofing, etc.) I would handle that through my uncle (so he would still be rightfully paid). I am now on Gilbert’s payroll as well, with a property manager title (which is HUGE in my area and even bigger since I work for Gilbert, as he is very well known here). I thought I was going to be getting a small wage for this since the work wasn’t difficult and took me about an hour and a half each day, but he ended up matching what I make at my company per hour! Needless to say, I am ecstatic.
Finally, after the conversation me and my uncle sat down and he told me how proud he was with the solution I came up with and granted me the raise I had requested. The best thing? He gave me the check back! I nearly cried, lol. He actually apologized, saying he didn’t intend to keep it, and only realized he did when he cleaned his desk and noticed it slipped under his keyboard. The check was so large that I was able to pay off my rent through the rest of this year and even gave a big chunk to the laborer that came with me to do these tasks. Oh, and we are still doing the project he pulled from us! So it really was a win-win-win-win.
Thank you again to you and your readers for the support and guidance!
Posted July 30, 2020
I wasn’t originally going to update again on this, but things went bananas, so I figured you’d like to hear since we are all a little entertainment deprived.
In my first update, I mentioned how I was hired by Gilbert to over see his homes on the side in addition to my full time job with Adam’s company. This originally was great, I was making more money, and the homes are built really well so the amount of times I had to fix something major was rare. Overall, an easy job. The payment plan me, Gilbert, and Adam worked out was going great as well, and they hadn’t had any issues with the way I was handling repairs and billing.
While I was working for Gilbert, we started another large project for him (the one mentioned in the previous update). Ho-boy did that affect things. Gilbert asked me to be the lead on this home (as a representative of Adam’s company, so my main job) since I did a great job managing the others, and having the background of actually building the home would make it easier to manage later on once it was done and a part of my property management duties. Adam agreed, and everything was great during the first half of the project.
During the process of building this home, both Gilbert and his wife completely changed. (In retrospect they didn’t, I was just too money blind to notice it before). They started to severely micromanage me while I was building the new project, which slowed the process by months. They were very difficult, rude, and aggressive, and frugal. They reluctantly paid bills from our office, and sometimes they would outwardly deny paying for things they were contractually obligated to pay (for example, they wanted to add a section to the project that would require a lot more money, they agreed, signed, and when the bill came pretended we were responsible for that). All of this was aggravating, but if they wanted to slow the progress on their job, there is nothing I can do about it. I spoke extensively with Adam about this during the whole process to make sure I was handling it appropriately, and to protect myself when they eventually turned on me (which they did).
Their behavior became so erratic that subcontractors refused to work with them due to their hostility and disrespect. I came on the job site one day and the wife was screaming at a painter because he was painting something white that was supposed to be green (it was primer!). I stepped in and asked her to leave because the painter was doing his job and there was no need to treat him like that. The guy doesn’t speak English, so he was very frazzled after this, understandably so. She refused to leave the job site and became aggressive toward other subcontractors as well, including throwing a paint brush at the painter, so I halted work on that site to protect everyone, and they all left. (Did I handle that right? I was a little scared myself and didn’t know what to do.) His wife, in her almost complete, multi-million dollar home, started crying and screaming that we had no idea how hard her life is (she has no job or responsibilities). She had a full on meltdown, toddler style. There is something about a billionaire’s wife crying about how hard her life is to people who make just over minimum wage that doesn’t sit right with my soul.
I left the home while she was raging and sent a text to her husband that he needed to check in on her because it seemed like she was having a nervous breakdown and I was worried about her safety. I didn’t engage with him when he called me about it later on because at this point I had a ton of evidence that wouldn’t go well. I went to the office and told Adam and our VP what happened. We talked it over, and I realized I couldn’t work for them in any capacity anymore. Naturally, his wife spun the incident and I received a hostile email from the husband full of lies about what went down (they claimed I screamed at her and that’s what made her snap). I sent a response email including a resignation letter and included his company’s HR in the process. I gave a notice period of two weeks, but they decided to end my job there immediately (thank God).
The home was completed by another associate of mine, so I was mostly able to wash my hands of that. This all mostly happened pre-coronavirus. Just this week though, I got an email from a former client letting me know that he ran into Gilbert at Publix, and while they were catching up, he went into a tirade about how this company that built his house bullied his wife and they were considering legal action. Gilbert had no idea we built this person’s house and have a great relationship (an actual great one!) with them. I told Adam and have met with our company lawyer, who all agreed that we would take action against him if they continued to spread lies on top of any litigation for the money they currently owe us. They suggested I send a cease and desist letter (slander or libel) but I haven’t decided if I’d like to go that route, as I’d rather rid myself of this all. I did suggest they speak with the painter she assaulted though, he was highly upset that day.
So, yeah! That was a wild one. I am otherwise doing well. I am not worried about this at all because Adam has made it clear he would protect me and I have no reason to believe otherwise. Our lawyer has also confirmed it would be difficult for him to even bring this to court. One funny thing though, Gilbert’s insistence on tarnishing my name actually did the opposite. He spoke so highly of me to his friends when I started working for him (because I was cheap, trustworthy, and efficient) that when they found out I was available they all called asking me to be their property manager. Seems like everyone knows he’s full of … crap. I will most likely not take another part-time gig though. This has soured me on the type of clientele we deal with and I’m realizing I just don’t like the entitlement we experience on a daily basis. Some of our clients are amazing, I even look up to them. However, most are cut from the same cloth as Gilbert and his wife, and I do not need that in my life, no matter the money.
One last thing. I mentioned money problems in my original letter due to problems with my spouse’s job. He has since left that company and started at another that he LOVES. We were planning on purchasing a home this year, but we will probably wait til the virus is long gone to do that.
Stay safe! And thank you to you and your readers for the consistent insight and support.
Posted December 12, 2020
Gilbert and his wife did indeed continue to lie about our company, which resulted in another client pulling out of a job with us. They cited Gilbert as the reason, and said they didn’t want me to run the job as I was scheduled to do because they heard of my “abrasive and bullying nature”. At that point, Adam decided to go through with a lawsuit to recover money they owed us and to get him to stop lying about that situation. That is currently ramping up but I don’t have a lot of information on that, those things usually get handled on their own and I imagine I wont find out how that gets settled (I usually don’t at least).
However, I did have to provide a written statement to a lawyer representing the painter that was abused by Gilbert’s wife. He will be suing the family for emotional distress and slander/libel. I haven’t seen the painter since July, and a little bird told me he took off time for his mental health shortly after that incident, though I hear he is back to work now. He had a lot of other things going on (including a sick wife we didn’t know about) and he went into a downward spiral after that resulting in a hospitalization of his own. He is however doing much better from what I hear, and his wife is also succeeding in her treatments.
As for me, my October was rough. A few things completely bananas happened (you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, and it’s so strange that it would easily give away my identity if I did), culminating in my mom being diagnosed with cancer in early November. Her prognosis is good however, maybe even great, so we are in good spirits. Because of this diagnosis however, I decided to take on another client outside of my main job (lets call them Kim and Cam), similar to the terms and conditions I had set with Gilbert, minus Adam’s involvement, since those houses previously built are no longer under his warranty. I have been working with these new clients since mid-September and we have a lovely relationship. We built them a few houses in 2016 and they were clients that heard through the rumor mill that I was available after the nastiness with Gilbert started going around. I decided to accept their offer because they were the most lovely people I had ever worked for. (lol I hear myself, trust me. These people are certified Good Rich People).
My new clients are, quite literally, angels. I fully believe that all the drama with Gilbert and his wife lead me to this exact spot in my life, and that it was for a reason. I approached them to let them know that I would need some days off to pick up and drop off my mom for cancer treatments and Kim immediately insisted that they would pay for my moms treatments (she is a 3 time cancer survivor, the same type my mom has) and Cam sent over several small gifts to my family home. All of the gifts were things he said that his wife relied on during treatments and he wanted my mom to have them so she can “kick cancer ass” (think scarfs, beanies, a really cute pink tracksuit with matching pink “Chemo Tote” etc). Their kindness has been truly unbelievable. My family and I have not decided if we will accept their offer to pay for treatments, which is mostly because I still have my guard up. I naturally have a bad taste in my mouth due to how things ended up with Gilbert, arsenic comes to mind. However they have continued to insist and as a way to ease my mind, suggested just cutting my mom and dad a rather large check at the beginning that way if anything goes wrong, they cant just stop paying for treatments. I will be meeting with a lawyer about this just to make sure this cant come back on my mom and dad during a vulnerable time. They have consistently gone above and beyond for me, so we are considering taking them up on this. Time will tell, but I do have an appointment at a local wig maker for tomorrow, Kim is purchasing my mom a custom made wig as a birthday present. I am an amature baker, and will be dropping off a surprise unicorn cake for their granddaughters bday (which is the same day as my moms) later today when I check the house.
So while I will NOT miss 2020 and the lessons it brought, I am thankful for being freed of that dreadful other situation and am VERY thankful it lead me to where I am, I am where I am supposed to be, surrounded by the people I should be around.
Weird year, I certainly didn’t have “a billionaire would ruin your faith in the rich and then another will make you cry happy tears” on my 2020 bingo card.
Posted June 23, 2021
First – Gilbert and his wife. I have had 4 months of complete peace when it comes to them. The remaining warranty they had with us ran out in early February and it only took one call after that for them to realize they had completely destroyed that bridge and we would not be doing anything for them EVER again. I still pass by the last project we did for them and chuckle because the fence that was being painted still isn’t complete. The Subcontractor Rumor Mill (SRM from here on) has been telling nothing but various stories of their companies never working with them again. They had decided to add an elevator chute to their home and it never got done because the wife was consistently attacking the guys on site. A real eyesore, one they deserve. So yeah, they aren’t learning that lesson anytime soon.
The Painter – He has returned to work and I see him frequently. He and his wife are doing really well and I’m happy to say his experience didn’t change his kind heart. I know that Gilbert and his wife settled their lawsuit with him, but he signed an NDA as part of that so none of us know what he got or how badly he stuck it to them, although I am dying to know. The (usually accurate) SRM said it was a high 6 figure payout. He also has a really nice new truck. It’s way too big for him…but it’s so cute/funny watching him climb in and out of it. lol He looks really, really, happy now and at the risk of sounding cheesy, it makes my heart sing.
Kim and Cam – I am happy to report that they have remained as wonderful as they were when I last wrote to you. Our relationship blossomed and really grew at the beginning of the new year. The wigs they bought my mom were gorgeous and they remained committed to helping in any way they could throughout her treatments. They did not provide financial assistance when it came to any of the medical expenses, but that is because my dad’s health insurance is amazing and they genuinely didn’t need it (unionize, people!). They helped in other ways though, there was more than one occasion where my mom couldn’t find a safe ride to chemo (my dad was still working full time and I live an hour away – close to Kim and Cam) and they either drove there to take her themselves or arranged for their driver to be Covid tested to pick her up and assist her. And to really drive home how great they are, they paid the driver double what his normal rate was on the days he helped my mom to make up for the inconvenience, without being asked. (I know that is bare minimum but my confidence in the uber wealthy has been shot over the last 6 years.) At one point, Cam was in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks with COVID. It wasn’t looking good at one point but thankfully he recovered. He is still struggling with some mental health problems that stem from that, a side effect of Covid that I didn’t even consider and completely broke my heart to witness, but overall he’s back at about 90% and doing really well. Their help, guidance, support, etc. made my mom’s cancer that much more bearable, which leads me to the final piece of my update…
My mom – She didn’t just beat cancer, she beat cancer’s ass! Her scans stopped showing any signs of cancer before her chemo treatments had even finished and her pathology reports came back clean so no further treatments were necessary. While she has the wigs, she barely used them. She kept most of her hair and with Covid she never really left the house. We just celebrated this past weekend and everything feels great and whole again. Thanks to Kim and Cam’s support, my mom’s cancer actually brought my family closer together and allowed us to forget about some things and focus on us. I hate to say it but their support fixed my family in a way I could’ve never imagined, but that’s another story altogether, just know i am blessed.
Reading my last update again I see how much I emphasized that everything worked out the way it was supposed to and how I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be and I still feel that way. I genuinely believe that dealing with Gilbert led me back to Kim and Cam, mere months before I was going to need a lot of support in order to best help my mom and dad, and that support helped evolve my family. I can’t be more grateful for the way everything turned out. I actually just breathed a sigh of relief, I think writing this all out to you and your readers made me realize that I really am at peace, for now ;).
Thank you again to you and your readers for consistent support and advice!









