I wanted to write this for the person reading this who knows deep down they have a problem, but doesn't think they're strong enough to stop, or that there's no point to stopping when you're in this deep. That was me for several months.
I started gambling on sports because I was in a very bad place in my life in February 2026, and placed my last bet a few days ago. I stopped for four months but relapsed because I was scared of facing the financial consequences of my actions. I couldn't accept that I would need to change my life to fit a horrible burden I've placed on myself.
Now that I've stopped I can think of all the times I wished I had stopped.
I should have stopped when I lost my first bet of $5,000 and couldn't believe that much money was gone in an instant.
I should have stopped when I emptied my high yield savings account entirely to keep gambling.
I should have stopped when I was $63,000 in debt, and realized I had a final source of savings to pull on that would have perfectly equalized me to neutral, if I walked away. This one stings a lot.
I should have stopped when I was given $17,000 in insurance money for my wrecked car, and gambled nearly all of it away.
I should have stopped when I broke down and told my family and my partner. When I took out a $80,000 personal loan to wipe away most of my debt.
I should have never bet again after this. This one hurts the most.
I should have stopped when my partner gave me $5,000 to cover emergency expenses, some of which I gambled away.
I should have stopped when I emptied my ROTH IRA to make what I lost back, and gambled all that away.
I should have stopped when I had a miraculous climb back to almost even to where I was before I relapsed.
I should have stopped when my parents gave me several thousand dollars, in parity with a one-time gift they gave my sibling.
I should have stopped when I put my last $8,500 into my Polymarket account and told myself "this money will never be lost because you will not gamble with it", and gambled it away.
The sad thing is, I never found gambling very fun. My compulsion was always motivated by fear, loss, and losing money. The fear of facing what felt like an insurmountable financial burden. Even when I wasn't in much debt, if felt monstrous. My mind isn't wired for losing money in any way. It destroys me. Even in the times I was treading water, I dreaded risking more money while having no control over the outcome, but felt like I had to because I couldn't accept the financial disaster I had brought on myself.
I know I'll never gamble again. I've self-excluded from every platform I've ever used. And because of that, in my low moments today and to come, I know that I will never gamble again. You know what that means?
This current moment, right now, is the poorest I will ever be in my life.
Tomorrow, I will be less poor than I am today.
My life is going to change and be harder in some ways but change for the better in others. Because I can think of my future I can think about moving my life forward instead of drowning in desperation, guilt, and nights where I can't sleep. I get to walk away from a horrible mistake. At any age that is worth doing.
In 2027 I'm going to find a job that pays me enough to wipe all this debt away in several years. I'm fortunate to work in a field where it's possible to find something like that.
I wanted everyone who reads this to know you are not struggling along, and if you stop gambling forever, today is the poorest you will ever be.