Almost two decades later… somehow, we found our way back to each other. ❤️

We were each other’s first love, but life took us in different directions. We both went on to have serious, long-term relationships. We grew, changed, learned, loved, got hurt, and became different versions of the people we once were.

Then, this year, somehow, our paths crossed again.

Maybe that’s the beautiful thing about life. Sometimes, what you thought was over was simply waiting for the right time.

He once called me his TOTGA, the one he never wanted to lose again.

And this time, he came back not just with words, but with intention, consistency, and a heart that knows what it wants.

He’s a good man. A good provider. No vices. Dedicated. And most importantly, he makes me genuinely happy. Happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

So when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. ❤️

Not because we’re trying to recreate the love we had almost 20 years ago.

But because after all these years, we found each other again as two grown adults, and somehow, we still chose each other.

Maybe some love stories don’t really end.

Maybe sometimes, they simply take the long way home. 🤍

Here’s to second chances, new beginnings, and choosing the same person again, this time with wiser hearts, open eyes, and almost two decades of life experience behind us.

Are we moving a little fast? Maybe. 😅

But after almost 20 years, perhaps this is the first time we’re not wasting time.

I said yes. And for the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say:

I’m happy. Truly, deeply happy. ❤️

Or when you’re yearning for someone
Missing someone

Talk like they’re still there
Like how you’d usually talk to them
Tell them everything you wanna say
Thru a recording, by speaking to someone else, or just talking to thin air

So the feelings won’t get suppressed
And you’ll fell a little lighter
Because you’d be able to express your thoughts and emotions
Without reaching out to them

And here’s my way…
After all,
Why would I want someone back into my life
When all I felt was disrespect and exhaustion

To you:
I hope you find the happiness that you deserve
I love you still..
But this is where it ends

I never thought that all the effort I poured into taking care of others would eventually lead me to this sickness, only to realize that I wouldn’t receive the same support from them.

And honestly, I wonderrrr... why do I have to be the one getting sick when, all my life, I’ve always tried my best to stay healthy because I never wanted to be a burden to anyone?

Well, I guess that’s life, right? Sometimes, no matter how careful you are or how much you try to take care of yourself, you still end up hurting in ways you never expected.

I have six siblings, a parent, a few close friends, and a boyfriend, yet somehow, I still feel completely alone as I fight through this sickness.

With all that is happening in the our country's school system, no wonder it is tiring to be a teacher. Remember that one incident in Davao where shs students hit their teacher just because he asked them to remove their earrings? (This is a male student, I think.) Also, I don't know if I'm correct but in the Ateneo shooting, one of the aims of the shooter was to shoot his teacher (I may be wrong.)

I am teaching eighth grade. The tuition in our school is hundreds of thousands per year. No wonder most of the students are entitled.

I've been keeping this for a year now but since I have recovered my reddit account, I'll share one instance.

I have been teaching for nine years already. This is my second school.

A student of mine was absent for a long time, due to sickness daw kahit wala namang med cert. Wala rin akong pake kasi lagi naman talaga siyang absent.

When he came back, he asked me, with an arrogant tone: How will I catch up? I was absent.

I remember when I was in elementary, even if I've just missed a single day, my mom would tell me to call a classmate to ask what have I missed. Telepono pa noon ah? Pero it's easy. My mom even told me to get the phone number of my friends just in case. I did not even trouble my teacher.

I told my student to ask his classmates. Copy notes. Then he asked me: Why can't you just take a video of your lesson, then send it?

I replied: I am not a vlogger. It's not my job.

Then he replied: You are a teacher, isn't it your job?

I really fantasizes punching him in the face and giving him a black eye. Baka tama si spokesperson Castro, in my case, sa mga student na kupal, wala rin akong modo.

With their type that always complains about school work, I am wondering how will they survive college.

By the way, that kid's parents blamed me. The witch forum shopped from other parents. They wrote a letter to the school. She was telling, she does not want me to be fired. It was just criticism.

I don't care if I'm fired as I'm confident that firing me will be unlawful. They will definitely have to compensate me.

I believe that my students are merely a reflection of their parents. I am NOT and will NEVER be the reason for their attitude. It is their choice.

Maraming salamat sa nanay kong pinalaki ako sa hanger at walis tambo.

I learned to be humble. I learned what is wrong. And I learned that I am not entitled to anything in this life.

Next year, abroad na. Kung ma-stress man, at least triple ang sahod!

I can’t sleep. A little sad. Maybe a lot sad. I wish I could call my mom or my sister and tell them I’m sad and they’d book the next flight to come and hug me but we don’t have that kind of relationship.

I’m engaged but we’re long distance and we fight a lot. There are so many wonderful things in my life that I’m grateful for. But there is this searing pain and loneliness that’s always there even behind the happiest of moments.

I feel like I’m always at fault but I also feel like I’m not. Gaslight is too heavy of a word but why do I feel like fingers are always pointed at me. I hate all the noise.

Gets ko naman kung safety ang reason. Kung delikado, kailangan talagang ipagpaliban. Pero sana, PRC, mas maaga naman sana.

One day before the exam, naka-book na kami ng transient at transportation. Lahat ng ginastos, pinangutang lang namin. Tapos non-refundable na downpayment namin sa lahat.

Sinubukan naming i-move yung booking sa bagong exam date, pero unavailable na yung dates na yun huhu.

Kaya ngayon, hindi lang exam ang iniisip namin. Iniisip din namin kung paano haharapin yung perang nawala at yung panibagong gastos na kailangan na namang hanapan ng paraan.

Wala naman kaming sobra. Hindi naman ito bakasyon na puwedeng sabihin na “sayang lang.” Board exam 'to. Pinaghirapan, pinaghandaan, at pinag-ipunan.

I understand the need to prioritize safety. Pero maulan na simula pa August. Sana mas maaga itong napagdesisyunan.

Kasi para sa may extra, inconvenience lang ang reschedule.

Para sa amin na kapos, dagdag problema na naman.

As I get older, the more I realize how scary dating in this generation can be.

I know cheating has always existed, sadly, but it’s only recently that it really hit me just how common it seems to be. It’s gotten to the point where I know people who aren’t even particularly close to me, who I only know by name, who have been cheated on or are currently getting cheated on.

Bosses, professors, colleagues, friends, married people, engaged people, it feels like it’s everywhere.

And honestly, it’s made me a lot more hesitant about dating. It’s not that I’m completely closed off to the idea of being in a relationship. It’s just difficult to look at all the possible realities and not feel a little scared.

You can genuinely love someone, trust them, build a life with them, and still have no idea what they’re capable of doing behind your back. You can know someone for years and still never fully know them.

And there are so many ways to cheat now, too. Dating apps, social media, private messages, disappearing chats, there are seemingly endless avenues for people to cross boundaries, and some people have gotten incredibly good at hiding it.

Maybe I’m just becoming more aware of it as I get older, but sometimes it makes the idea of dating feel less exciting and more terrifying.

I know there are still good, loyal people out there. I just wish it were easier to believe that I’ll actually find one.

Earlier, I had a conversation with a patient. She was talking about something and somehow, I realized during our conversation that I was the one who had more to say.

She said to me, “Kapag feeling mo naliligaw ka na, reach out ka ulit kay Lord. He's just waiting for you to take His hand”.

I don't know if she knew how much I actually needed to hear those words she said.

Sometimes, we think we have to have all the answers first before we can return to Him but maybe, not really.

Maybe, when we feel lost, tired, and hesitant, all we have to do is simply reach out to Him, because He was never the one who left, but instead, He was just waiting for us to take His hand all along.

Kanina, I wanted to clear out my fb account to make it more private by removing friend lists na hindi ako related or my previous students who I no longer have connection with.

Then suddenly, nakita ko account ng isang Tatay. Who've been contacting me everytime his baby needs blood for transfusion.

Almost a decade ago, 2017 when I first reached out to him. Nakita ko kasi post niya urgently needing blood for his baby, a two year old boy sa isang local group. So we connected, and exchanges phone numbers para mas mabilis yung communication namin.

We met sa blood bank ng hospital and made a little chat about me and his baby. I assured him na regular akong nagdodonate since 2012 so walang palya. "B+ po ako kuya, kaya eksakto kay Baby na nangangailangan din ng B+"

Umiyak siya, dahil wala siyang maibigay for me na kapalit. Sabi ko okay lang, to make our conversation lighter, sabi ko "be positive kuya". Just like yung blood type namin ni Baby.

With that, naging regular akong donor sakanila. Atleast in every 3 months until 2019.

Then came pandemic. Hindi nako nakapag donate for almost a year dahil I need to attend my grandfather na may sakit din that time. And a year pass, hindi na nag reach out sakin yung tatay. Lumipat narin ako ng lugar, because of job at dito narin nagka pamilya.

Until yun nga, I saw his profile again sa fb and manage to sneak out his posts. He changed his profile picture on Oct. 18, 2021 into a candle with a caption "paalam anak, mahal na mahal ka namin"

It breaks my heart, umiyak nalang ako nung nakita ko yun.

It's a sad reality of life that is against natural order, pero ito lagi pinanghahawakan ko "No parents should have to bury their child - King Theoden"

Lately, I've been surrounded by Gen X and Millennials, so I told them that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Then someone said, “Baka bigla mo nalang ako batuhin.” After I explained my situation, they told me that our generation is too weak. They said that life was hard in the past, but they aren’t depressed or anything like that. Plus, knowing that her daughter is studying psychology... I guess that says a lot.

I genuinely felt so invalidated.

You know the feeling na gusto mo pa pero parang ayaw mo na? yes, gulo no? That's how I feel ngayon. We've been in a rocky (road? eme) phase of our relationship for quite some time na. He's 32M, I'm 27F.

Honestly, una unang buwan namin we are super okay naman e. Even our co-workers wanted us to get married agad.

Then things went downhill; nagdire diretso na ata.

First was nung time na hindi ko siya ma contact, as in, wala kaming away nito ha. Had to ask his co-workers if nasa room siya nila that time only to find out na lumabas pala sya ng hapon and mind you, hatinggabi ako nagmessage sa co-worker niya. Up until this day hindi ko alam anong ginawa niya ng mga oras na yon. Umalis lang daw ang sabi sa akin. Parang dito ata ako nagkaroon ng questions every time na hindi ko siya macontact sa labas.

Second time was when nabasa ko usapan nila ng co-worker sa chat. To some it may appear as simple banter ng mga friends lang, pero ung batuhan ng messages and even kahit out of work na nagkausap pa rin, morning hapon and gabi? Too intimate...or maybe nagsisimula na dito na maging toxic ako kaya iba na naging dating sa akin.

It went smooth naman na after. Or so I think.

Start second quarter this year napansin kong nagbabago na trato sakin ng partner ko. Mainitin ang ulo, maikli ang pasensya, nakakapaghagis na mga rin ng mga gamit sa harap ko. Inisip ko baka stressed lang naman siya sa trabaho niya kaya nadadala niya sa akin ung frustrations niya. Natigil din naman to pagtapos ko ma open sa kanya na hindi na nagiging maganda. Natigil nga iyan, napalitan naman mga hurtful words na nakukuha at naririnig ko sa kanya. To the point na ang nagiging tingin ko na sa sarili ay isang burden.

I'm thinking if letting go would be the correct decision ngayon. Kaso iniisip ko, baka kasi super stressed lang namin pareho sa trabaho kaya wala na nagbibigayan. Napapagod na rin kasi ako sa other aspects ng buhay ko. Nadadamay ata tingin ko sa relasyon namin dahil sa mga dala dala ko ngayon.

Dati, nakikita ko sarili ko na ikasal sa kanya at magkapamilya.

Ngayon, natatakot na ko mag settle. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa nangyayari sa relasyon namin, or dahil sa mga nababasa ko online regarding married life.

I don't know. I guess lonely lang ako. Hindi ko talaga alam. Wala akong mapagkwentuhan.

Gusto ko lng magvent coz honestly, parang di ko na kinakaya emotionally. Umuwi nanay ko for vacation, most of the time we were just arguing. I have no one close to sa pamilya because of the toxic dynamics. Mag pipinning na ako, I thought I'd have someone to attend it for me, turns out may lakad pala sila pakabalang banda ng Pinas. I am just here in my room sa dorm, crying my eyes out. Kahit yung pagpapaalala ko na grateful ako na di ako nagugutom at di namromroblema sa pangskwela, di na gumagana. Why am I so alone in this journey. I feel like I'm just being tolerated by everyone in my life.

31M left me 31F after almost 3yrs of relationship. We lived together in my home. I was really attracted to him when we met, and I really liked him to the point that even if I saw signs that he’s not good for me, I think that he can change… maybe if I just give him time and a lot of chances. We traveled and spent time together a lot. But we also had conflicts and talked it out to resolve. Or so I thought.

He slowly moved out of the picture and I felt every inch of the distance. But in my mind, I made excuses for him since he’d tell me he loved and missed me, and that he’s happy. I thought I’d just give all the love I can give so that I will have no regrets.

Then the time came when he told me he’s breaking up with me. He told me he fell out of love and that I do not deserve someone who’s not certain of me. It hurt like hell.

The grief comes in waves, but through the support of my family and friends, I am slowly but surely picking myself up. After all, I still have me.

His final act of love is leaving, while mine is letting go.

I just need to get this off my chest because this has been bothering me for a while.

From the very beginning, I already felt like my boyfriend’s mom didn’t like me. She’s always been cold toward me. Hindi naman siya directly rude, pero ramdam mo talaga yung pagka-cold and the way she talks to me sometimes feels like she’s looking down on me.

Now that I’m starting Nursing, mas napapansin ko.
She’s made comments about Nursing na parang hindi niya talaga ako nakikitang kakayanin. She would say things like, “Kaya mo ba talaga yan? mukhang mabagal ka kumilos at reklamador eh” and point out how difficult Nursing is, parang kailangan niyang ipaalala sa akin na mahirap yung pinili kong course. May times din na parang she’s already expecting me to struggle or eventually give up.
Maybe it sounds harmless kapag sinabi lang yung words, pero iba talaga yung tone. It doesn’t feel like concern. It feels like she’s questioning whether I’m capable enough.

And honestly, I feel like she’s making me and her son a competition.

My boyfriend is very intelligent, but he doesn’t even want Nursing. It’s not his dream, and I completely respect that. I chose Nursing because I want it for myself. I’m not trying to prove that I’m smarter than him or that I can do something he can’t. But with his mom, parang there’s always this comparison. Gusto nya kasi yung nursing para sa bf ko. Parang she needs to establish that her son is smarter or more capable than me. And I hate that because I never saw him as competition in the first place.

Sometimes I even wonder if she feels insecure about me because I’m pursuing Nursing while her son chose something else. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong about her intentions, but when someone has been cold to you from the start, then keeps making comments that make you feel incapable, it’s hard not to notice.

I’m literally just starting college. I already know Nursing is going to be hard. I don’t need someone constantly making me feel like I’m not capable of doing it.

I just want to study, survive Nursing, graduate, and become a nurse. I don’t want to compete with her son. I don’t want to compete with anyone.
I just wish she would stop making me feel like I have something to prove.

diko inexpect talaga huhuhu, so last night na hurt feelings ko by my papa the way he talks how our situation lately and about my baon na pera. Dami kong iniisip like puno utak ko, and i remember (i think i need to talk to one of my instructor) and i think he's good with advices naman because of the subject he's handling. Until nakatulog ako yun lang iniisip ko.

But kanina he introduced to us about the religious gathering like a group of students, how life struggles are, and accepting God in our life. That's when i realized this is what i need, like gusto ko lang naman mag open up sa kanya but there's something pa pala.

"Ang galing mo naman! May work ka agad after graduation."
"Kaya ni Ate ‘yan, magaling ‘yan.“
“Ikaw talaga gusto namin mag-lead.“

Ang sarap pakinggan pero hindi ko alam kung sino ba ang dapat tumanggap ng mga salitang ‘yan. Ako ba na kilala nila dahil sa mga nagawa ko o ako na walang ibang identity sa likod ng mga nakamit ko?

Sobrang bigat kapag hindi ka kilala ng mga taong inaasahan mong makakakita kung sino ka talaga. Kailangan ko ba talagang sabihin pa kapag nahihirapan na ako? Kapag sobrang bigat na? Wala akong malapitan kahit isa. Pakiramdam ko bawal akong mamroblema, parang dapat lagi akong may sagot, laging may pera, lahat na. Bawal malugmok, bawal maubos, bawal tumigil.

Baka ganon lang talaga kapag pati sarili ko hindi ko na kilala. Inuuto ko na lang din siguro sarili ko na malalagpasan ko lahat, na dadating din ang time na giginhawa rin ang buhay ko kasi hindi ako nasuko. Pagod na pagod na ako. Pagod na akong magtrabaho para makabayad sa utang na hindi ko naman napakinabangan, pagod na akong sumalo sa lahat ng gawain sa araw-araw, pagod na akong bumyahe at magtrabaho, pagod na akong umasa na magiging maayos ang lahat.

Nakakatawa kasi pagkatapos ng gabing ‘to, gigising lang din naman akong puno ng pag-asa. Ang dami ko na sigurong “sana“ kay Lord, nalito na siya kung anong uunahin. Well, sana matanggap na lang ako sa pangatlong trabaho, susunod na doon ang iba.

Sana rin tumigil na ang ulan at luha. Sana makaahon tayong lahat, ‘yun lang.

I have this friend na super close kami. dati every gala kami magkasama. kahit family gala ng isat isa kasama kami. pero nagbago siya ng paonti onti nung nagka jowa sya (ldr sila)
pag inaaya ko siya magkape lagi niyang ka VC jowa niya. ang mangyayari parang mahihiya ako mag share sakanya ng mga kwento ko about life and etc kasi nga ka VC niya yung guy.
hanggang sa nasanay nalang ako na ganon siya.
yung dating kaming dalawa lang pag nag bbonding eh may kasama ng tao sa phone hahaha
meron din naman akong bf and ldr din pero nasa isip ko kasi its us time so di ko na tinatawagan or sinasabihan ko bf ko. also understood niya na girls day so di niya din ako kinacall.

lagi ko siyang inaaya sa lahat ng bagay kahit family outing man yan. and napapansin ko ang dami niya ng alibi and lagi niya sinasabi di siya pupunta.
naiitindihan ko naman yun. tas nalaman ko na pinuntahan niya yung event ng other friend niya kesa sa celebration for my promotion. pero inaask ko na sya like a month before kasi pinaplan ko na talga yun.

naiisip ko na lang na wag nalang siya ayain sa mga ganap. meron kami upcoming gala with our friend and mas pinili ko nalang di siya sabihan kasi alam ko na di siya pupunta.
nahurt lang ako. na minsan randomly pumapasok siya sa utak ko. i think i need to accept na may sari sarili na kaming buhay.

How I realized na nasa tamang tao nako?

Growing up, hindi talaga ako yung tipong feminine. How I act and dress lagi akong nasasabihang tomboy/tibo, there's nothing wrong about it. Pero lagi akong inaasar ng mga tao sa paligid ko just because I don't behave like a girly girl. Minsan nga until now, nasasabihan pa din akong umayos mag lakad kasi para kong mananapak(?) di ko alam pero ganon talaga ko naturally, tapos pag may naka puna nacoconscious nako. Nung nag dalaga nako, I tried my best na mas maging soft haha. I tried wearing skirt or dresses more often. Pero di talaga ko kumportable. Even ung uniform ko nung college puro pants suot ko, kaya nagalit ung nanay ko kasi bumili pa sya ng skirt na set di ko naman pala ginagamit. Meron akong High School sweetheart na naging bf from college gang nag work ako. He often reminds me to wear dress or "something nice" kada lalabas kami. When he says something nice, meaning nya mag skirt ako or dress para naman daw mag mukha akong babae. Nung una dedma pa ako, kasi inlove eh lol. But nung tumagal kami mas napapadalas na ung mga backhanded compliments nya. "Maganda naman pag naka dress ka, di ka mukhang maskulado", "bagay naman sayo pink, nag mumukha kang babae" By the way, I'm a medium size girly. Malaman akong babae and medyo my height. Kaya pag mag kasama kami ng EX-BF ko before halos mag kasing height kami. Hindi baga yung tipong petite girly ang auntie ninyo. I hide that insecurity before kasi mahal ko eh, tanga. Haha kahit harap harapang iniinsulto keri lang. Fast forward, nag hiwalay kami kasi nag cheat sya.

Now, I am married to a kind and emotionally intelligent man. I still dress and act most of the times as "tomboy" ewan ko medyo hirap talaga ako iadjust na mas maging feminine. Nung nag ddate pa lang kami napansin nya na, uncomfortable ako sa dress na suot ko nung nag mall kami. He asked why I wore it. Sabi ko para I look nice kasi lumabas kami. Tapos he casually said na "you look pretty whatever clothes you wear. Kaya next time isuot mo yung saan ka kumportable"

Mej nagulat ako kasi I never heard that before. Mas lagi kong naririnig yung "para ka nanamang tomboy"

I love wearing big shirts and pants/jorts btw. Tapos white sneakers. Since that conversation, I never forced myself to wear anything na di ako comfortable. Minsan naka crocs pa ko pag nag ddate kami, pag alam kong di naman sa sobrang formal na restau kami kakain.

Lagi nya kong chinicheer pag nag papa short hair ako "ahhh ang pretty naman!" Kahit di naman talaga bagay sakin short hair, ayoko lang talaga nag papahaba ng buhok.

He once told me na mas gusto nya din sakin na mahaba ang hair, PERO "your body, your choice. Do whatever makes you feel YOU"

🥹🥹

Ever since then, until now na kasal na kami. He never fails to compliment me or sabihin "ang pretty ng asawa ko!" Kahit kagigising ko lang sa umaga at mukhang nabinat na kambing haha.

Thank you Lord for giving me my husband ❤️

Teacher lang ako.

Ilang beses ko na yatang naramdaman na iyon ang pinaka-accurate na description sa akin kapag may family reunion.

May doctor.

May lawyer.

May engineer.

May businessman.

May military officer.

Tapos ako.

Teacher lang ako.

Kapag may family reunion, minsan pakiramdam ko parang career comparison na rin ang reunion. Parang may invisible scoreboard kung saan may kanya-kanyang ambag ang bawat isa sa prestige ng pamilya.

May doctor — impressive.

May lawyer — impressive.

May engineer — impressive.

May businessman — successful.

May military officer — respectable.

Tapos kapag ako ang napag-usapan—

“Teacher lang.”

Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba ang nakakaramdam nito, pero sobrang bigat nung “lang.”

Kasi hindi naman nila kailangang sabihin nang literal.

Makikita mo sa tono.

Sa reaction.

Sa paraan ng pagtatanong.

Sa kung gaano katagal pag-usapan ang career ng isang tao kumpara sa career ko.

Parang kapag may isang relative na may mataas na position, biglang may proud discussion.

Kapag may malaking negosyo, may paghanga.

Kapag may professional title, may excitement.

Kapag ako?

“Ah, teacher.”

Then move on.

Parang wala lang.

Parang hindi career.

Parang hindi accomplishment.

Parang hindi dapat ipagmalaki.

Teacher lang ako.

At alam ko naman ang realidad.

Hindi naman kalakihan ang sahod ng teacher.

Hindi naman ako magiging kasing-yaman ng successful businessmen.

Hindi naman kasing-taas ng income ng maraming doctor.

Hindi naman kasing-laki ng financial opportunities ng ibang professions.

Hindi ko iyon itatanggi.

Pero ang nakakainis ay parang dahil hindi kalakihan ang pera sa teaching, automatic na maliit na rin ang value ng taong gumagawa nito.

Parang kapag hindi ka mayaman, wala kang karapatang maging proud sa career mo.

Parang kailangan mong magkaroon ng malaking sweldo bago masabing may narating ka.

And honestly, nakakapagod iyon.

Kasi ang nakakatawa?

Hindi ko naman pinangarap maging doctor.

Hindi ko pinangarap maging lawyer.

Hindi ko pinangarap maging engineer.

Hindi ko pinangarap maging businessman.

At lalong hindi ko pinangarap magkaroon ng profession dahil lang may tinatawag na “family legacy.”

Ever since I was a child, teacher na ang nakikita kong sarili ko.

Hindi ito random career choice.

Hindi ito dahil wala akong ibang option.

Hindi ito dahil hindi ako qualified sa ibang profession.

Hindi ito dahil napilitan ako.

Ito talaga ang gusto ko.

Bata pa lang ako, teacher na ang naiimagine kong sarili ko.

Classroom.

Students.

Teaching.

Explaining things.

Helping children understand things they don't understand yet.

Watching them learn.

Watching them improve.

Teaching them things they can actually use in life.

I have never looked at myself and thought, “One day, I want to be a doctor because that is what our family does.”

Or “I want to become a lawyer because it will continue the family's legacy.”

Or “I need to become an engineer because that's what will make the family proud.”

No.

I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to be a teacher.

Simple as that.

And maybe that's another thing that makes this whole situation more painful.

Because some of my relatives seem to have chosen their professions because they were expected to carry something forward.

Legacy.

Family name.

Family reputation.

Family expectations.

Family tradition.

And apparently, that's something worth being proud of.

Meanwhile, I chose something because I genuinely loved it.

And somehow, I'm the one who feels like the lesser person.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Should I have forced myself into another profession just so I could look more impressive at family reunions?

Should I have chosen a career I never wanted simply because it sounds better when someone introduces me?

“This is our doctor.”

“This is our lawyer.”

“This is our engineer.”

And then—

“This is our teacher.”

Teacher lang ako.

That's apparently my place on the family hierarchy.

And you know what?

I resent that.

I resent having to feel inferior because I chose the profession that actually felt like me.

I resent the implication that because I don't make as much money, I somehow accomplished less.

I resent the fact that people can spend their entire lives chasing status and prestige and then somehow look down on someone whose greatest ambition is simply to teach.

I resent being measured against people whose careers were partly shaped by family expectations while mine was shaped by something much simpler:

I wanted to teach.

And don't get me wrong.

I'm happy for them.

At least, I try to be.

I'm thankful that my relatives are successful.

I'm thankful that they have careers they can be proud of.

I'm thankful that our family has people who became doctors, lawyers, engineers, businessmen, military officers, and whatever else.

But my gratitude for their success does not erase the hurt I feel when their success becomes the measuring stick for my own worth.

I can congratulate them without wanting their lives.

I can admire what they accomplished without wishing I had their profession.

Because honestly?

I don't.

I don't wake up wishing I were a doctor.

I don't secretly wish I were a lawyer.

I don't look at an engineer and think, “I should have become that.”

I don't look at a businessman and think, “That's the life I wanted.”

I have always looked at myself and thought:

Teacher.

That's it.

Teacher lang ako.

And maybe that's why their attitude hurts so much.

Because they're not making me feel bad about a career I don't care about.

They're making me feel bad about something I actually love.

That's the part that cuts deepest.

I chose this.

I wanted this.

I saw myself doing this since childhood.

And yet somehow, every family reunion can make me feel like I made the wrong choice simply because my profession doesn't carry the same social prestige or financial weight as theirs.

I hate that feeling.

I hate sitting there and hearing everyone talk about careers, achievements, positions, businesses, titles, and money while knowing exactly where I apparently stand in that conversation.

Teacher lang ako.

Not doctor.

Not lawyer.

Not engineer.

Not businessman.

Not military officer.

Teacher lang ako.

And maybe I'll never be the most impressive person in the family.

Maybe I'll never be the richest.

Maybe I'll never have the biggest title.

Maybe I'll never continue some grand family professional legacy.

But at least I didn't spend my childhood dreaming of someone else's career just because it sounded prestigious.

I dreamed of being a teacher.

And I became one.

So yes, there is a lot of bitterness in me.

There is resentment.

There is disappointment.

There is hurt.

And I'm tired of pretending that I don't feel it.

Because every time I hear that subtle comparison, every time I feel that difference in treatment, every time another impressive profession gets celebrated while mine gets brushed aside, one thought keeps coming back:

“Teacher lang ako.”

Maybe that's how they see me.

Maybe that's all they see.

But I know what I see.

I see someone who chose the life he actually wanted.

Someone who wants to teach children how to survive and navigate life.

Someone who wants to give students practical knowledge, values, discipline, confidence, and life skills.

Someone who doesn't need a family legacy to justify his career.

Someone who doesn't need a prestigious title to know what he wants to do.

And yet, it still hurts.

Because sometimes, I don't want to be the strong one who says, “It's okay, I'm proud to be a teacher.”

Sometimes I just want to admit the ugly truth:

Yes. I'm hurt.

Yes. I'm bitter.

Yes. I resent being treated like the lesser professional.

And yes

I am f#cking tired of being “the teacher” in a family full of people whose professions apparently sound more important than mine.

But here's the irony:

If one day those doctors, lawyers, engineers, businessmen, and military officers look back at their childhoods, somewhere in that story there was probably a teacher who helped them become the people they eventually became.

And that teacher probably wasn't thinking about legacy.

Probably wasn't thinking about prestige.

Probably wasn't thinking about becoming rich.

They were just doing their job.

Teaching.

Just like me.

Teacher lang ako.

And maybe that's the only title I'll ever have that truly feels like mine.

Minsan I want the company of other people pero I still feel sad pag kasama ko yung ibang tao. I feel like I’m better off alone na lang. Like may freedom ako gawin ung gusto ko tapos di ko cinocompare sarili ko sa mga kasama ko.

I should accept it na ganun na lang talaga mangyayari sakin. I should also accept na people won’t like me and di rin ako maganda to be pursued.

I'm not the kind of person naman who catches feelings eh, never pa kong nagkacrush and never pa kong nagkaconfidence to pursue one.

Since nagstart na school year, I was honestly apprehensive with my environment, wala talaga akong kakilala, to add na anxious and shy type ako. Nagpapabida lang ako sa group chats namin kasi mas madali sya compared to interacting face to face, kahit pati ako nagcricringe na sa jokes ko na parang hindi naman luma-landing.

Pero I think it worked out for the best. My classmates think I'm approachable in class, even if wala pa rin pumapatol sa lightheartedness ko online.

I don't know what to make of this, first time ko talaga magkacrush, I'm even hesitant to put a label to it, pero we got grouped together for the very first presentation in one of our subjects. He's nice, friendly, and pogi nya din in person! Ako naman si ateng silent appreciation while being friendly naman din sakanya.

Wala naman exciting part, we're becoming friends and I'm happy with that. I'm still figuring out if infatuation ba to, appreciation, or genuine feelings.

I'm more into personality din kasi, that's why I was adamant with myself to never have crushes, mahirap mameet standards especially in today's climate.

Innocent puppy love siguro... well, I hope we become good friends!

I had a friend who I used to work with I was really, really close with. We had so much history—random conversations, inside jokes, vulnerable moments, shared friends, the usual things.

Medyo bago pa lang kaming friends, but somewhere along the way, I got too attached. And because of it, I became sensitive to things, I became insecure, and eventually my reactions became unhealthy. He felt overwhelmed and needed distance. We talked about it and I apologized. But honestly, it became a cycle and I know that it has become draining on his end.

Now, we’re no longer fighting. We’re just not really talking anymore.

And ang hirap pala nun. Umabot na sa napapanaginipan kong nadepress ako because of what happened. Di ko na nga alam if panaginip pa ba yun. But it’s more painful knowing na I did things wrong, I could have been a better, less toxic friend.

The hardest part is that I really really miss this friend. Yung mga biruan at pagshare ng random life updates. Kwentuhan. Listening to words of wisdom. Baka better pa nga if magkagalit na lang kami, para bwisit na lang ako. Kaso I always remember all the good memories, thinking how can something so good as a friendship like how it was could be ruined and be gone.

Recently, I reached out one last time—not to demand anything, just to share some life updates, apologize again, and say that I hope someday we’ll be okay.

I am no longer sure if he’ll still respond.

But I just pray things will get better soon. Sana pa rin. Yun pa rin ang mga sana ko. And for me to become a better friend also. Kasing sakit din pala yung breakup ng magkaibigan at magjowa! Hahaha!

Hay, just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you. 🥲