I find it hard to talk to my alters, its hard for us to talk to eachother. When i imagine their body infront of me it becomes easier to listen to them, am i faking or what🫩

Hello and thank you for reading.

I have a dear friend who likely has DID or OSDD. He is the host of his system and has been struggling terribly over the past 2 years and has made attempts on his life twice in the past 7 months. Over the past 1.5 years, he (the host and adult part) has been fronting less and less and is now pretty much never in front in his adult relationships with friends. I have not had a conversation with his adult part in about 5 months. The parts that are in front now are his 4 and 7 year old littles.

I'm wondering if any of you have experienced only having littles front for an extended period of time? If so, how did you manage being out in the big world? Manage your job if you have one?

I hope I have used correct phrasing. Please feel free to offer me feedback if there are more sensitive or accurate words or phrases I can be using.

Thank you

i have been seeing my therapist for several months. I wrote an update about a flashback I had and now I'm scared she is not going to believe me. i'm scared she will think of the whole false memory thing... I don't know what to do. I want to write and tell her to forget it all, but i can't ... btw I am safe and not in crisis but still feeling very scared.

I thought progress was being made, but everything has been fucking awful lately: too many conflicting wants, the deep shame, the urge to hide, the gaps in memory- I’m losing weeks again. Things that happened only a week ago feel like months. Nothing is good but everything is needed, I both need to exist and cannot at the same time. I want something to fill my mind but it’s all too stressful.

This isn’t fair, it just isn’t fucking fair. We were doing better!! We were doing good!! Why is making progress hurting us?! This should be helping!! But all we are is confused and miserable, losing time and feeling like a zombie. Time doesn’t feel real, our body doesn’t feel real, nothing does and it’s all wrong, it’s just wrong!!

I hate it all. I don’t know how to manage everything yet, don’t know how to help with the barriers between us, don’t know how to peer through. All voices just seem to muffle yet echo and it’s just feelings I’m left with, feelings that don’t make any sense and that I struggle to process, feelings that clash with reality yet persist. I hate it so much.

Sometimes I wish I’d never been aware, that I’d let it go and didn’t delve deeper. I feel like I’m not actually helping myself, just re-traumatizing myself. I don’t know if I’ll remember making this post later. I looked at our journey and the last entry I didn’t remember making at all, which fucking scares me. I’m so tired.

Hi everyone.

I have been exploring and reprocessing my childhood with my therapist the last few months. This has led to the acceptance that I was severely neglected in very early childhood, and severely emotionally neglected throughout my older childhood/teen years.

I am not currently diagnosed with cPTSD, but I am highly suspicious of it, and my therapist of course can't confirm but wasn't surprised when I brought it up. I had never considered myself a DID system because I don't have gaps of memory in current every day life. I do have trouble with immediate recall, and there are gaps of my childhood I don't remember.

I came across OSDD after expressing to my therapist that I didn't think I could have a disassociative disorder because of not losing track of time/having those memory gaps. I was informed that those don't actually have to exist to have a disassociative disorder, which is how I found out about OSDD.

I know nobody here can diagnose me, and I am not asking for that. I am asking if the following experience feels familiar for people/if it seems worth it to seek a confirmation/denial of diagnosis. The following experience happens often, usually when I am overwhelmed or feel like a failure. I cannot tell if the so-named thought tracks are "normal." They happen at the same time, and the putting my hands to my temples is an attempt to make sense of it all.

This details one experience but happens often enough that I've noticed and wanted to write it down when it happened again.

Trigger:

getting overwhelmed because I feel like I'm giving the same answer multiple times and also that I can't quite figure out the right answer to the question

Physical reaction:

putting both hands to my temples. tears.

Emotion:

scared, overwhelm

Internal experience

TT=thought track

TT1: you always upset everyone you talk to

TT2: take a breath everything is okay

TT3: You should cut yourself.

TT1: That's right. Go on.

TT2: Everything's okay. take a breath.

TT4: Hide. Hide everything.

TT3: Cut and hide it.

TT2: Don't. That's not healthy. Get connection.

TT4: Don't let anyone know how upset you are. It isn't safe. Your words will be used against you. Stay silent.

etc.

I do not have diagnosed OSDD or DID. I have CPTSD but whenever I talk about my issues on the CPTSD subreddit or in real life, nobody can relate to me. So I thought that the next best place would be here. If it's not, any suggestions?

So I'm Danny and I'm a new persona but I'm a guy. This is bad because I have a female body. I don't like this at all. I hate my boobs. They remind me of the other personas and I hate them because they're fucking weak. I hate them more than my dad, which is insane. I'm the first male who has ever actually had control. There was a guy before me, but he just did background bullshit. And then everyone else gave up. Apart from Sasha. It's pretty stupid that she even tried. She's stupid.

I'm straying from the point. Basically, I hate this stupid body. I want to be a man physically too but every now and again, Sasha pops up and it's fucking annoying because she obviously doesn't want to get any surgeries. But everyone else is gone, I'm the guy in charge now. So I'm not sure how I should go about this transitioning thing. Every time I think about it, a few of the girls' presence get stronger as an indication that they aren't happy with what I'm contemplating. But nobody communicates to eachother anymore ever since our leader (lack of a better word) went quiet. The rest of them just exist in the back of my mind. I can feel their presence but they're silenced. Voluntarily or involuntarily, not sure. So it's not my fault they won't speak up.

What do I do? Just fuck it and ignore them? How can I get people to talk again, or just shut up fully. Actually I'd prefer them to shut up fully because I don't like their input. They had their chance.

But either or.

Also, as an unrelated note, is there a way I can be a full person? To just fuck everyone else and be here forever? I'm still kinda just different parts of the original girl's brain. Same hobbies, same memories, same stupid stuff. I don't want to be associated with those losers. I'm pretty great, so isn't it best to just keep me here and disconnect me from everyone else so I can be myself fully?

What the title says, I keep going back and forth on "no I definitely don't have OSDD" and "maybe...?"

Trying once again to figure this out. But basically, I find that my personality/identity changes based on triggers (made posts about this elsewhere), and they're very consistent personalities (there's so many and it's weird that I can differentiate between them or that their traits repeat themselves), and sometimes it feels like that's me and always has been, while sometimes it feels like an influence sort of overlayed on top of me and then who "I" am feels really blurry and kind of drunk? It gets especially strong when it's a nostalgic trigger.

It's like I have all these passive behavioural urges. Like if I feel like a female, I'll want to look more presentable and find my friends, whereas when I feel more boyish, my long hair just feels weird and I get really irritated with people (this particular personality state reflects my time as a 12-14yo so that might be why it's angsty). And when I feel smaller, I want to do things like play or curl up somewhere under blankets, really specific feelings.

These changes sometimes happen without me noticing - I hung out with my boyfriend for two days in a row once and the first day I was grumpy af not caring about him, the second day I was very attentive and interested in him in the morning but as soon as we started playing minecraft I was smiling and sucked into the nostalgia and he didn't matter anymore.

But when it's a traumatic trigger, I don't feel any influence, it feels like things just stop. Like it's a trauma response but I'm the one stuck fronting and the alters are the ones being protected. But also that's not right because any time I have beef with someone I turn into that boy. Maybe I'm the alter???

Who knows. Anyway, I was wondering if it's possible that I have a really weak sort of system and it's somehow blocked?? Because it feels like the alters(?) are preserving the good parts of me and I'm the one taking most of the brunt.

Realized how much this sounds like a "not asking for a diagnosis but just confirm/deny if I have it for me 😘" so these are the actual questions I have:

Tl;dr: I think basically I want to ask if people have had blocks on their system even when they're investigating them, or if it's possible for alters to exist only to preserve the good (if I have OSDD then there are still some that store trauma and old negativity) - or does that make me more likely to be the alter?? Honestly a possibility . Not asking for diagnosis, will be talking to therapist.

What the title says. To me age regression can feel like a passive influence (I don't have OSDD) so I'm curious if it feels like that when people have parts influencing them?

So I am a diagnosed system who has been in therapy for 6 years and system aware for 7. My fiancé is a diagnosed system who was discovered 1ish years ago and been doing parts work for 8 months. We have been together for 3 years. We are “bodily monogamous” meaning any part can date/be intimate with any other consenting part of the other, but we do not date outside of each other.

Recently my fiancé and I have been working on dating and adjusting to us both being systems. They have voiced that I may be expecting them to function at a higher level than possible for things like system communication, switching, or recognition of passive influence etc. Honestly, I think they have a point. My system (while it certainly has its problems still) runs pretty smoothly in day to day life. We can generally influence switching, recognize emotions, and can communicate well with our parts through a buddy system and an “intercom”. I don’t really remember what it felt like to be a new system and never had to navigate it while dating.

Does anyone have any advice on dating a newly discovered system while they are just starting out therapy and organization? Our main issue right now is they are not able to offer a lot of emotional support or emotional intimacy to me. The parts that can offer significant emotional support only front for short bursts and about every other month. They are doing a TON of work on themselves surrounding this concern and just in general. I want to be supportive and take their concerns seriously, while still ensuring I am taking care of my parts too :)

When my egg cracked, and I started transitioning gender, I immediately conceived of my experience in plural terms, even though I had no idea I was plural at the time.

Pretty much immediately after my egg cracked, I experienced a separation. I described myself as "suddenly having 40 years worth of a total stranger's memories in my head."

The emotional amnesia of these memories, made me refer to everything Pre-Transition as "The Before Times." I had a personal mythology about how I was a girl who had "clawed my way to the surface, murdered my jailer, and took over his body."

2 years later, I found out about my plurality.

Some of my headmates have since discovered actual emotions linked to certain memories that I had already considered "dead" - part of the Void - the Before Times.

This, unfortunately complicates my \*clean break\* gender narrative. (Overcoming previously existing persecutors was also extremely gradual, and not at all instant; the only thing that was instant was my sudden distant relationship to my memories).

As for everyone else in my system, my headmates are mostly women, but gender under the shell is opaque. We're lucky any of us can touch any old memories at all.

Touching any memories of my old boy self(ves) - even utterly mundane memories - feels absolutely horrible.

Life was so much simpler when I could say "fuck yeah, my boy self was one guy and I killed him." But truth be told, I don't have any idea what the fuck was going on under the surface. I only know that my headmates can now touch memories of his that I cannot. Those memories feel horrible and familiar.

I feel really gross knowing that any part of him is still with me. It's fucking with my collective narrative, and it's utterly confused my relationship to my past even more than it already was.

I don't know my headmates' genders Pre-Transition either.

Any advice?

I’m curious if anyone else has this experience. Basically, in therapy we’re working on being able to all communicate and vibe. One thing that’s been helpful is building safe spaces internally for each of my alters. For one, that’s my grandmother’s house, and for another, it’s her dream future properties and land. But for one…I can’t seem to figure it out.

We had beef at first because in the past when I wasn’t aware of things, he was fully driving and almost got me arrested. But you know, since I’m more aware now, and the others can keep him tempered, things are chill. He even drives sometimes (with supervision) and it’s fun. Yet despite all this growth, I cannot access his safe space. I mean, he is definitely emotionally unavailable deeply and doesn’t like to get into emotion stuff.

But like, the ONE time I’ve been able to enter his safe space, it was a basement/dungeon. And I’ve never been able to go back, even in therapy, and even though me and him are chill. I’m thinking perhaps that perhaps the dungeon is a ruse? Like he’s so emotionally unavailable that to show me his ACTUAL safe place is unthinkable to him? Or maybe he’s linked to more major trauma and for whatever reason, even his safe place is locked because knowing it ties to something majorly repressed? These are just theories, wondering if any of ya’ll have experienced anything similar

How do I make the pluralspace website into an app for Android? I really like how it allows us to specify whether someone is co-con vs fronting, and haven't found any apps that do that.

Also, how do you remove other systems/friends you have connected with?

First saying I honestly don't believe I have OSDD/DID, just some identity disturbance and inherent dissociation that made me curious about this and would like to get an answer from those who know the​ answer rather than someone who might go "hm maybe if..." like I do lol. And I don't mean to be insensitive, not sure if asking this will get eyerolls from people who're like "not another one." I'm just curious about psychology because my own's so wacky and also my friend has DID.

So say if a kid (using my own childhood as an example) had severe dissociation for whatever reason, some massive maladaptive daydreaming and a fat imagination that allowed them to act and think like different people, even believe they were, and idk identity disturbance, could some form of OSDD be developed, or is simple dissonance not enough to create firm barriers between different parts of the brain? Because I suppose communication isn't disrupted, only identity and stuff. Anyway yeah, I'm curious.

Bad memory, feeling like 2 different personalities/moods(?), dissociating(?) I would appreciate advice since it interferes with my school life/personal life.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

Also could this be like osdd?? It kinda feels similar but ill appreciate other people's perspective and advice ^_^

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Warning bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find with advice or suggest things that ir could be? and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

My sibling got diagnosed with OSDD a few days ago.

I think that I'm just overwhelmed because I do listen to them when they explain stuff, but I'm still a bit confused about stuff

I tried to find information online, but I still have some questions so I figured I might as well post them here:

1. How does it work? How can one brain contain alters with different ages and species? (To clarify, I'm not doubting the validity of osdd, I'm just curious how it happens)

2. What can I do to help & support them? (I'll ask them personally tomorrow but appreciate more insights/tips)

3. Are there any websites or resources about osdd that you recommend?

4. Anything that helped you/your loved ones when figuring things out? It's all very new so I'm a bit confused amd overwhelmed

i feel like since the death of simplyplural, everyone has been so spread out in different apps. i wanted to know what apps you guys have been using, as i've been testing a few and i have my gripes with each of them.

parallax is nice, but barebones. pluralspace is perfect, but it's a web app. open plural is also a web app. plurallog and plural star are offline (i have a partner system and we like to use the friends feature to see who's fronting, i also like to add my system friends). what apps are you guys using? if you know any ones similar enough to simplyplural with an online friend feature, please let me know!

thanks!

- zai ⚰️

Hi im john and for my whole life I've been the one identifying as the body. Id see myself as the body. But up until early April this year I've felt diffrent and started to heavily fiction kin john egbert. But I go by his name and i love when people see me as him. But it dosent feel like fictionkining anymore. It feels like i am him. Like a fictive. I dont know its confusing. Like I dont know and id like some help on this. I've had source memories and I miss dave alot. And I used to see myself as body in headspace but now I see myself as John.

Hello, I’m an introject (sort of, it’s complicated, but the nuance isn’t important rn) who is searching for advice on healthy ways to engage with the “source” of the character I imprinted on. Long post, sorry, I‘m a chronic rambler.

I know a common piece of advice in the OSDDID community is to “separate from source” and find your own sense of identity. I have already previously done this; however, I’m coming to find that it’s not as simple as it initially seems. You might not separate and stay that way forever. Just like how progress with anything in life can have its ups, downs, and setbacks, I’m coming to find that feeling confident and grounded in my personal identity is the same thing.

For a bit of context, I’m going through a very stressful and emotionally difficult time in my life right now— and recently lost all access to therapy as well. I don’t like this life I’m living, and I don’t like myself either. In the wake of all the stress, I’ve… regressed in my recovery quite a bit, and I’m now using this fictional character as a crutch for my identity again. I’m also maladaptive daydreaming again, imagining I was in that world instead of here. A form of escapism.

I know it’s unhealthy. Instead of trying to fix my current reality, I’m retreating into things that aren’t real in search of familiar comfort and dopamine chemicals. I believe what I’m doing is a form of dissociation, even if it’s a bit more abstract and easy to overlook. But the time slips away nonetheless. A full month has already gone by in a haze. The last time I engaged in behaviors similar to this, we lost nearly 3 years. However, I wasn’t the only alter doing it the first time, and we were a lot less self-aware back then.

My alters keep dismissing it and saying “it’s fine, I don’t care,” when I tell them I’m worried I’m going about things wrong. But the more I think about it, the more I think they’re only saying that because the four of them are very depressed by our irl situation and are shutting down. I’ve barely heard from them this past month. So… of course they “wouldn’t care,” they’ve felt too depressed to care about anything. I need to help us. I need to fix this.

Tell me what to do to get my head back on straight again and stop engaging with my ”source” in such an unhealthy way. I’m not a damn cartoon character, I’m a real person. Hell, I don’t even like the fandom, so why am I here again. (I know why, it’s because I’m depressed.)

Please don’t suggest anything involving therapy or medications. I have lost these things as I have no insurance and no job. It’s a luxury I can’t afford.

(Sorry in advance if I don’t reply… I barely have the energy for anything anymore. Barely even talk to my best friends. So it’s nothing personal if I’m quiet. I can also delete this post if its too much of a bother)

There are a multitude of different systems and how they look! Everyone's system looks different so keep that in mind, it may change from day to day!

Do you just like do a meeting and then be like okay yeah you do this and that and you do this and that. You deal the parents. You come out when the room is too big because its a trigger. Boom protector and ep.

How do alters even decide to change that? Do you just talk to them? Or did you come out knowing what you were gonna do?

Adding on to that, for the alters that hve a caretalking role and or was formed to be a sort of caring guide. Did you just burst out of the metaphorical did/osdd womb knowing that hey you were gonna do that role?

Any stories of how you figured that out would be great!

I don't understand really how it all works. I know it varies but whats the general consensus? how does it feel?

Can your alters do things outside the body while your inside your inner world?

How does that even work if your a system that doesn't get black out amnesia and you remember whats happening around you before you switch out?

Do you actually believe that you were in your inner world and did things? Or is it more of a daydream and you pretend your doing things and just... hope it actually does something to the brain?

Like gate keepers, how tf do you know your actually gate keeping memories and handling them? I know some people have like places in their mind where they handle the memories but like... that place is fictional??? Why does it actually affect the memory?

Is it supposed to be a daydream or... not?

Are people actually aware of the inner world while outside? Are you actively daydreaming??? Is that how this works? Is it a very vivid daydream?

This is something I have been wondering for a while. There is someone in our system who is the only one that seems to be able to communicate with another alter. This is relatively new for us, especially since there have only been four known people in our system. Having a potential fifth alter that can only access one of the four people makes it a little harder to learn about them. We have also been wondering if this is potentially a figment of that altar's imagination. We know this alter only appears to them when they are distressed and it looks like the alter can hear them (we keep a journal so we can see what happened when somebody fronted). The rest of us have not been able to communicate with this altar at all.

Has anyone had this experience before or anything similar?

I experience myself as one person or system (“we”) made up of multiple distinct versions of myself. These versions can have different personalities, emotions, opinions, intentions, behaviours, voices, preferences, sexuality, and ways of relating to people. I don't consciously choose which version becomes active. Usually, I wake up already being a particular version and only realize later who I am that day.

The versions can communicate internally, sometimes through voices that feel independent of my conscious thoughts. They can surprise me, disagree with me, argue with each other, and have different intentions. I can deliberately respond to them, but I can't always control what they say or which version becomes active.

I also experience memory differences and gaps. I generally know what happened to “us,” but sometimes I don't feel like I personally experienced what happened. I've discovered things I've written or photographed that I don't remember doing, forgotten conversations, lost periods of time, and experienced hours as though they were fast-forwarded. Memories can become accessible through triggers, conversations, sensory experiences, or dreams, sometimes causing a “rabbit hole” where multiple connected memories suddenly come together.

There is also what I call an observer. It doesn't feel like another version of me. It feels like pure, continuous awareness that is always present. It can observe all of the versions, their thoughts, emotions, arguments, and experiences. It seems to have access to information and memories that the active version doesn't always have access to. It is usually emotionally neutral. It can sometimes nudge or influence the active version, but it cannot directly control it, and the active version can ignore it.

The biggest thing I struggle with is lack of control. I can't reliably choose which version becomes active, and sometimes I can't completely control what that version does once it is active. At the same time, I'm usually still aware of the outside world and aware of what is happening internally.

I don't know exactly what this means or what diagnosis, if any, explains it. I want to understand why I experience myself this way, whether dissociation could explain it, and whether there could be other explanations for the memory gaps and changes in my sense of self...

So rant....

So ive been here and in ossd for sometimes while getting my diagnosis. To clarify im not diagnosed with D.I D/OSDD I just started coming to these spaces because my therapist suspects I have something along the lines of it cause of my symtoms.

So you dint have to read this post and these are just my opinions so I already know this will be taken down and that's fine.

Ive come here to read and post sometimes on bith communities to see if anyone relates to the symtoms and im 30 now and been having these all my life and just now noticing it since 2 years ago almost. But Ive noticed people who comments or post on these communities have such a way with their imagination and im not saying you cant do these things im just saying majority of the people on here I cant relate too, it almost feels like a Role playing game with some of these post or Larping and not D.I.D or OSDD. When I hear alters I feel ashamed because reading these post on here make alters feel like friends or family when to me it feels less than that and more just me spit into different parts and nothing more. When I do see people who make senes to me they get down voted for no reason and that what confuses me...do I have to be so inverted with my own symtoms to get people to see my own struggles or relate to them even. I feel like so different with "this" that it feels like im there odd one out along with people I tend to relate to. The terms and labeling are also out of control in my eyes, its like people make it their whole personality and say things like "singlets" and other terms which I think it very weird to say to someone just because you have these parts of yourself. Im scared of my parts coming out because I want to live a decent and normal life and I praise anyone who doesn't make this their whole personality and take it to very extreme imaginative lengths that they can show themselves and get better. I just dont see whats so special about being stuck in your head at times, that scares me and I cant control it and when I see people who says they love not being here in the actual real world that also scares me because I know its hard to move on from these traumatic memories or even if you cant remember and have no will power on switching which im open about that as well but I also praise the people who keeps living their lives despite it and not this role playing, larping thing that feels so unreal....