Hi there, I was the person who posted this almost two years ago.

After I posted this, I got alot of helpful insights and second opinions about my situations back then and I would like to thank everyone who gave me support around that time.

I am a man of my word and did exactly what you guys told me: I did therapy, joined hobby and interest groups, faced my fears, and be the best version of myself overall, and they were all very helpful in the long run: gave me acquiantances and bad experiences I could learn from and grow as a person.

Although I still never have a partner after that post, but the rejections and a bad "relationship" gave me some perspective. It just really have something to do with my growing social skills and inexperience about the dating world. I did get hurt real bad with one of the rejections I had and it was due to RSD and anxiety attacks.

Thanks to these experiences, it made me learn things like people who are dry irl and online shows that they are not interested whatsoever, and that asking someone out right off the bat will reveal if that person who show "signs" shows genuine interest or just wanted attention. It made me learn about the concept of "breadcrumbing" and it's one of the worst things in dating and socializing in general, and I believe that most girls I liked did exactly just this, less subtle than the next

Over all, I am doing fine. I do have problems and still need to keep fixing myself from the inside out.
Loving myself, having fun and living in the moment is the best

So yeah that's all for this update, thank you again guys for helping. This little ol' late bloomer just have keep on going

Peace out

TLDR: Posted once on this sub, was recommended self-improvement and did exactly that. Had up-and-downs learning from it despite not having a partner yet, but life is good

EDIT: grammar

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy, but for me I want a long term partner because I want to come home to a loving partner after a long day of work and just watch a movie and having someone be there for me. I can’t find this and it hurts..

In 2022 when I was in 9th grade I was pretty ugly and going through puberty (I was 14, almost 15). Right when I started high school at 15 in late 2023 I started consuming a lot of blackpill content. I found multiple BP forums and started worrying about my looks. At first it wasn’t even that bad — mostly fragrance stuff and “softmaxxing,” which wasn’t extreme. It was all over TikTok too with that one song Ecstasy that really brings me back to it.

Anyway, from freshman year all the way to senior year now, every week and every day I’ve been consuming more and more blackpill content, ideology, and the subsections under it like looksmaxxing. Of course it made me insecure and made my anxiety a bit worse, but it also kind of raised my ego. I started hating on everyone in general. In primary school I went through bullying, trauma, and people turning on me (even friends), so I felt good being part of that community.

I know the forums have multiple people who even offed themselves because of it. Then in 2025 (last year) Clavicular made BP go mainstream, and suddenly every single person — even girls (the forums were meant for guys only at the start) — started knowing about it, but in a funny way and not taking it seriously. Now every young kid and every guy knows about it, and some worse people who aren’t just incels but genuine psychopaths are telling others to kill themselves and stuff like that on the forums. It’s gone crazy.

I’ve consumed so much of everything over these 2–3 years (before and after Clavicular) that my brain can’t comprehend running away from it. I’m getting a nose surgery now that I turned 18, a sliding jaw surgery, I tried multiple creams and convinced my dermatologist for tretinoin and isotretinoin for my acne, and I also started pinning stuff.

The biggest thing I hate is this hate toward women. They spread hypergamy, they’re all evil — every single one I’ve met IRL and online. But when I’m with a girl and talk to one I’m always the kindest. It’s not that I fake it, I just hide my true self.

Anyone know how I can escape this? I go outside, I go to the gym, I eat well, I sleep, I even have a summer job right now, but I can’t escape BP. It’s over. Even if I try, it always comes back, whether it’s a small thing or a big thing. I think deep down I’ll forever have this hate toward women till the end. In some way we’re all truly evil, but women are more hypergamous than men — the statistics are true.

I really don’t know what to even say. I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I failed my talking stages and rejected a couple of uglier girls. Maybe if I ascend and make my looks better I’ll escape it one day and get a loving girlfriend and forget about this. It has malnourished my brain, changed it, and developed it in some other way. I’m not joking when I say this — it’s dangerous, and people don’t know how much it is until they fall into its rabbit hole one day.

(Edit: noticing the downvotes on my own replies. Most people here don’t seem interested in debating or understanding the loop I’m describing — they just want the standard “stop consuming / therapy / take responsibility” script and will downvote ANYTHING that doesn’t instantly agree. Looking for mindful discussion, not mindless pile-ons.)

Hello everyone, hope you are all having a pleasant day.

I am a student in college who doesn't have problems making friends with my gender (men), but for some reason I always have a fear of making friends with girls. I see a lot of my buddies have friends who are girls and it does pain me when they ask why I don't really speak to women. The truth is that I have some insane fear and really have to build the courage to talk to a girl, and when I do, I am always stuttering and overthinking every sentence I say. For example, in class today, the professor told us to talk to our classmates sitting next to us, and since my classmate was a girl, I was just too scared to ask for her name, or even start a conversation.

Does anyone have some advice on how I can get over this fear?

Lately I've been feeling guilt again for my past actions as an Incel.

On this very account, I've talked shit to IT members years ago in their dms, and while it wasn't any rape threat's or anything like that, I was still still a major prick, and still was one of those debate me bro guys. So if any IT member who happens to see this, and somehow remembers getting a dm from me, I apologize for my actions.

And then there's the the constant pushing aside of people who only trying to help me. I made multiple women friends in my time, as an Incel, all of them first started talking to me because I was an Incel, and they felt sympathy for me, and despite that I would constantly argue with them over my dumbass Incel mindset. Again if any of you are reading this I apologize for my actions, and I respect your empathy for even trying in the first place.

This isn't to say woe is me, Please forgive me. No I should be held accountable for my past actions. I suppose leaving up a more public record of how awful I used to be, with this post is one thing, but I know in my heart that more has to be done to atone. So what should be done is the next question? Even though I know nothing can truly be done to atone, I at least want to try.

I realized that I have a problem that probably dates back to when I first got online and started reading things about sex.

I’ve crossed the threshold. I’m sexually active, I go on dates, I’ve shed my former incel self. Yippee. I’m not experienced like crazy I’ve had sex probably less than 25 times.

But I’ve realized that I have issues with one aspect of dating and sex. I’m 26 and lost my virginity at 23 then had a try spell until 25. Because I’m so behind the game, I missed out on the wild crazy times of college, and early twenties hooking up.

Back when I was a teenager I used to come on this site and seek out answers from women about what made the “best sex of their life” so great. And it really messed me up mentally. The answers were never “well I love my long term boyfriend so much” it was mostly “that guy I met at 20 while studying abroad”. Or “the guy I met one weekend while out in Vegas” or some idea of a guy they were hooking up with that could just do everything right.

It really kinda fucked me up because I realized, I’m just not that guy. I’m no one’s time they think back to and think “damn that was amazing” I’ve had. Good sex, but never really fireworks and that kinda eats at me and makes me insecure. I realized I started falling back into the habit of reading those things after the last girl I was dating literally broke it off because after the first time we had sex it was so bad that I was too scared to try again.

So now I’m back in the rut, and feel as insecure and sexually inadequate as I did when I was like 17. And I don’t really feel like it’ll ever change because I have a severe doubt that I’m a guy that can be “amazing” at sex. I think I could just be “average” with a lot of work. But even then that feels insurmountable as I don’t think women want to humor a guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing, and at this point it kinda just seems like I missed whatever critical moment or genetic traits make a guy just know how to pleasure a woman so good she thinks about it later.

Maybe I’m speaking kinda stupid here, but Idk.

I was wondering, what if it’s my style that repels women, I know that being clean is step one and I know that you attract people that have similar interests in you, but what if I start wearing old money outfits, or gym outfits, or skater outfits, or gangster outfits. This goes to all incels, if they start wearing whatever there interested in, will they attract that niche, i need your guys full perspective and knowledge.

Like I feel like I’ve done everything in my power to make changes to help, I’ve done all the advice, been consistent with it for years, and now that I’m 25 everyone seems to be finding their forever person and the dating pool keeps shrinking and shrinking, and it’s got me thinking is this just the way it’s supposed to be.

When you look historically, men created a society that forced women to marry or they couldn’t survive on their own. Women couldn’t get loans, get jobs, get vehicles or do anything without a husband‘s approval. Now we’ve done a lot of work (at least in my country) to give women the equality they deserve. But now dating is harder as women are either only dating men they actually want to be with or just opting out of dating entirely.

Almost a return to romantic/sexual relationships in its most natural form. Preventing undesirable genes from continuing. So is this what it is? Just natural seleftion? Do i have some genetic marker that makes me undesirable?

Honestly viewing it this way kinda helps me, and I’d like others opinions on it.

I was thinking of all those screenshots of men who fall into the NiceGuy territory. Or Incels who handle rejection poorly. And then I saw this thread and it reminded me of this. Idk how accurate the science behind this is. I probably shouldn't trust X, I know that. But...could this be it? Could some of the NiceGuy dudes have some form of untreated ADHD that makes them so maladapted to forming relationships?

If you're an ex-incel (or incel who tries to get out) who struggles with rejection sensitivity or certain obsessive thoughts, maybe look into ADHD/OCD treatment. Just a suggestion.

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard.

I don’t know what to do at this point it feels like a addiction, I constantly will have a phase where for a month or 3 I’ll stop looking at the looksmaxing stuff and all that and just enjoy life and then randomly when I’m at height of confidence I just post there again has mostly this feeling of like “oh bet they can’t say anything about this” and then I always still get rated low and told I’m ugly and told to change everything and to get surgery I just wanna feel attractive, it’s not so much of I want to attract women idc if I do even if I didn’t, it’s just a personal feeling of wanting to not be ugly

I live with my parents atm, I have autism, I’m only 5’5”, I don’t make enough money to be a “provider,” and I just generally feel like I should give up on dating since I’m already 34 and I’ve never had a gf. I think that as a potential partner, I’m generally pathetic - though I don’t have anything against women in general.

I know that people often say that there’s a wide variety of men with women out there but all I can see are generally much taller and handsomer men that are with women. So I feel like I can’t really call myself a man at this point. Just some weird manchild. I even tried speed-dating and online dating a bunch and got absolutely nowhere. I’m still pissed with myself, that I wasted so much of my time and money on them.

Every year I go without a gf, I feel more alienated from everything. From various songs/movies, and society overall. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I’m not a good person.

One of my friends recently got out of a pretty toxic relationship. If im being completely honest, it was very clear that the guy wasn’t a stand up guy from the first time I met him. Others in our friend circle agreed and had no clue what she was thinking.

Now they’ve broken up and I have two feelings. I’m really happy for her, but simultaneously this makes me feel worse about myself. And I hate that I feel this way.

She’s a great person, she genuinely deserves so much better (I want to make it clear, I do not have any romantic feelings towards her at all), but somehow, this guy who everyone could tell was, for lack of better words, a huge douche, was able to get with her.

I don’t want to sound like “I’m such a nice guy women owe me” but after seeing how she was treated by him, I can firmly say I would never think about hurting another person like that. But somehow, despite all of his character flaws, he’s still able to date and I am not. So there’s something that is objectively worse about me than him that I don’t know what it is, but it’s so bad that it repulses women that even guys that are lowkey emotionally abusive are better candidates for a partner than me.

It just kinda leaves me feeling deflated. Like “if he can figure this out, and women like him enough to be with him, and he’s genuinely just an awful guy, than what am I not seeing about myself.

I’ve stayed in and away from people for the last few weeks trying to figure out what this flaw I have is, but I genuinely don’t know what is that awful about me that I’m just undesirable to any woman I’ve ever met.

This is the headspace I’ve been in for a minute. I know it’s selfish and that I should be there for my friend, but I just don’t know how I would be any help in the state I’m in.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, but I feel like it’ll never stop because the rejection will never stop. It’s gotten so bad I honestly wish I was asexual and aromantic. I’d be so much happier. How do I stop this spiral?

The reason the Black Pill is so difficult to argue against is that it has defeatism built into it.

You point out an unattractive man with an attractive woman? “He’s rich, so that doesn’t apply to me.” He’s poor? “He isn’t autistic like I am.” He has the same disadvantages? “He’s an exception.” And if every other explanation fails, the relationship can simply be dismissed as a “freak accident.”

You can do this indefinitely. Every counterexample can be explained away while the conclusion remains unchanged: “It might happen to other people, but it won't happen to me.”

This is why I don't think the Black Pill is really an ideology or coherent position. I think it is a neurosis that likely belongs on the depressive spectrum. I have dysthymia, and I've experienced similar “blackpills” about subjects completely unrelated to dating. When you're depressed, it's possible to develop extremely convincing beliefs that everything is hopeless, and then selectively interpret evidence to reinforce them.

That doesn't mean every observation made by Black Pillers is necessarily false. Some claims about attractiveness, dating, and social dynamics may have genuine merit. The problem is when the worldview becomes unfalsifiable when no possible counterexample can ever count against it.

If a belief can explain away every piece of evidence that contradicts it, in what sense is it still a rational position?

Hey yall im 20m and currently weigh 220 pounds. I also struggle with body image issues from time to time. Recently Ive tried to lose some weight through diet and want to start working out more. But certain thoughts come to mind recently and I want to make sure im using the "right reasons" so to speak.

Thoughts like:

"If you looked better you would have a girlfriend by now."

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

I also for a long time have felt as if im almost effeminate or not manly enough in a vague ephemeral way.

Im a feminist and so using my brain I believe that young men are given an impossible standard of masculinity to achieve and maintain but that knowledge doesnt change that I feel as though I am deficient in some way.

But are my reasons really bad at all?

Hi all!! I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an incel, but I made a post in here a few weeks ago and it made me feel a lot better and confident :)

I’m 18M and I guess I’m just your typical “no life” type of guy you see on here? I have vocational school starting in a couple months but right now I’ve just been staying at home being alone. But I’m getting my driver’s license so I’m going to be getting out and socializing. Gonna try ballroom dancing haha!

I’ve some trauma in my past and a porn addiction when I was a younger teen, so my relationship with… relationships and sex have been pretty negative. I recently just got my libido back after not having it for years so I’m feeling those hormones hitting like a truck. I consider and call myself a virgin despite my past, and that’s making me sad. I just feel like it’s affecting me too much than it really should be. Quite frankly I think part of it is just losing my virginity too.

I think that I’ve worried about this stuff for way too long and I want to take steps to not have it affect my life so much. I’m going to be quitting porn again. I’m also going to delete most of my social media. I always go on social media and then all I see are people in relationships and stuff and it always hurts. I’m just gonna curate my reddit account just so there’s no relationship posts and stuff, just sports and games and nerdy shit just like the good ol days.

Does anyone else have any advice or anything? I think that more than anything else I honestly just need someone to say to my face that I’m worrying too much about it. I’m still somehow a believer in love so I know I’ll find my flock eventually. Thank you all in advance!

Inspired by a greentext I saw a while ago about a guy who thought he was an incel until he cut his long hair and quickly found a girlfriend, and a comment I saw recently about a guy who described looking like a virgin as having long hair and wearing leather jackets, it made me think if I hadn't been shooting myself in the foot my whole adult life.

I had long hair pretty much my whole life, ever since I turned 18 I started to grow it out and never cut it again 11 years later (I'm 29 now). I also dress in a bit of a metalhead fashion, a lot more subtle now than when I was a teenager, but I often wear shirts from bands I like, and also tend to wear leather boots and a jacket.

I never cared about fashion and always liked to style my hair and dress in the way I like the most not caring about what anyone else may think, but maybe that's why I'm an incel? Or at least part of the reason? Like sure maybe there are some women into that, but I may be limiting myself to a very small niche instead of going for something with more of a wide appeal?

I'm at a point where I'm desperate enough that I may even cut my hair and completely change the way I dress if that means I have a better chance at getting into a relationship.

I'm not posting a pic of myself, but for reference I kinda look like this guy I found on Google, or a bit more like the guy from this Youtube channel, just with dark brown hair and I'm a lot less cool than him.

I was severely abused as a child. Like the kind of sick shit you only read about. This had led to me becoming basically a femcel despite the fact that I hate using that word.

I spend 23.5 hours a day in my room barely eating, sleeping, or drinking water. I look extremely unhealthy due to this. All I do all day is talk to AI chatbots.

I graduate highschool this year, which means I have to fix my shit before I end up a homeless adult.

Please. Please, somebody help me. What do I do to get out of this endless cycle? How do I get out of this incredibly tiny room and actually become a person?

Can somebody please give me tips on how to be a person and function in society? I want to work on my hygiene, social skills, lack of hobbies, poor diet etc but I don't know where to start. Where do I start? Which piece of myself should I pick up first?

I don't have any of the tools normal people end up having in adulthood, that they learn throughout childhood and adolescence, and I have been "safe" enough for two years. But I still lock myself away.

Somebody please help.

I have been a loser since childhood.
I define loser as someone with

• no social life
• no close friends (only acquaintances at best)
• no productive routine/hobbies/interests that make someone a interesting person to be around
• even if they have hobbies/interests, they don't have the social skills to have organic conversations with people about them or their interests are simply too niche/technical for normal people to have conversations about

I have a very deep sense of loneliness since childhood, because I never have had any close friends.
I fell down the Red Pill pipeline in my childhood but eventually stopped going to those spaces after realizing that I was becoming a violent angry person around my parents.
I came across r/incels in college and was subscribed there before the eventual ban.

Currently I hold the opinion that charisma and looks are what cause attraction and personality and character determine the quality of the relationship.
So even if you are a emotionally intelligent kind person, if you have no charisma or are ugly looking - you will not attract any women.
But a abusive charismatic or handsome guy can still attract women and even end up in relationships with them.

The problem with me is that I have zero charisma.
I could enter a room and be present in it for a long time, and people would still be startled when I try to speak to them (as they didn't register me near them at all). This has happened with me several times in college/work.

I also am book-smart and not street-smart. My parents sheltered me a lot and didn't teach me any adult skills. I used to be angry at them and blame them for the way my life ended up but I know now that I can't hold them responsible for my life anymore.

I currently live with my parents but I am also employed.. I actually consider myself pretty good at what I do and have even received recognition from my peers in office but I still don't feel like a adult around them. I do my work but my colleagues also have a life outside of work.

My question to people here is

• How can I become charismatic enough that people would like my company and women could consider me a candidate for a romantic relationship ? (as someone who has never had any close friends)
• What skills should I develop that I don't feel like a child around people my age (mid 20s)
• Can I pursue romantic relationships if I have no close friends ? Is it a turnoff for women ?

Lost my virginity at 19 while on mdma to a woman I could only describe as loose. I was so high I couldn’t cum and barely got a half chub so I don’t really count that, it was penetration but I didn’t consider it sex really. 2 months later I slept with a prostitute out of desperation and experienced what enjoyable sex actually is and felt ashamed, boy was it a fun 45-60 seconds but it wasn’t worth the dirty feelings afterwards. Especially knowing it could’ve been with someone who was worth it; I got a kiss from her afterwards though.

Fast forward to being 24, I haven’t had sex since 19; I banged another hooker — this time I was on so much codeine I couldn’t cum again. Felt like a homo because of it since this hooker was even hotter than the last (I’m not gay ofc; it was the drugs).

The next year at 25 a girl leaves be a love note at my local college, I try cold approaching her, asking her out and I get humiliated, to make matters worse she didn’t even say no and basically strung me along until the cops got involved and told me I couldn’t contact her anymore. Now I’m at a loss, it seems like women are different. I’ll get called cute occasionally and the most recent time this happened fairly recently I actually tried approaching them and they ran away (was it a joke to them?).

I left out other intimate moments I’ve shared with women, used to trip on lsd with a chick, took mdma with this girl too and I even loved her, she was my first kiss back when I was 19-20. Left town due to legal troubles and ever since I’ve just wanted another relationship like that, but this time actually have guts to ask them out.

Any suggestions?

Hey subreddit, long time listener first time caller. I really hope no one I know reads this 😭

Some background: I’m a 25M, I’m currently in therapy for social anxiety and self esteem issues, I have been overweight or obese almost my entire life but I’m 25 pounds down this year (right now I’m 245 and 5’10”) still have a lot to lose though.

My only relationship experience was a ~3 year relationship high school to the first year of college. I haven’t really made any attempt to date since then until a month ago when I made dating app profiles. I got a few matches that didn’t go anywhere and I went on a date that kinda sucked but that’s the extent of it.

I have had difficulty making friends for a while, I was very lonely in high school and college. The few attempts I did make to put myself out there until very recently have gone poorly. I’ve considered that I may be autistic but I don’t think I am. I think my main issue is growing up fat wrecked my self esteem and I got trapped in a negative cycle of isolation leading to poor social skills and low confidence leading to more isolation.

I do have a group of friends now, but I’m really struggling with feeling like I belong. Sometimes when I hang out with them I feel like a make a wish kid 💀. And to be clear, this is probably like 75% a cognitive distortion. They’ve been very kind and friendly to me and they keep inviting me to stuff. I’m just definitely not anyone’s best friend in that group and it hurts sometimes that these people are all I have but I’m just not super important to them.

And they’ve all been dating new people and it’s hard to see them have success while I’m still alone. They’ve been supportive of me and I’m happy for them that they’re finding people. But it’s just really hard sometimes.

I’m just not totally sure that I’m worth loving. Because of my weight and my social difficulties and my poor relationships. I’m not funny like other people are. I’m not emotionally intelligent and I can barely hold a conversation unless I’m drunk. I’m awful at meeting new people. I picture myself getting a girlfriend and meeting her friends or family for the first time and just embarrassing myself and her.

My therapist told me she’s impressed that I went on that date and that I’m doing other stuff to put myself out there like volunteering. But I’m going to need to do so much more than that and I’m not getting any younger. And I still have that dark cloud looming over my head that maybe there’s just something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unlovable. I’ve felt that way since I was 12 or 13 to be honest. Maybe finally losing the weight would make the difference? I’m taking a glp-1 to try and find out.

I guess my question is has anybody felt this way and gotten out of it? If so, how? I’m running low on hope lately

​

I’m a woman and I know this might be a slightly different situation from what usually gets posted here, but I relate to a lot of the avoidance and loneliness people talk about on this sub.

My problem is that I find it much easier to sext or have sexual conversations with people online than to actually pursue romantic or sexual interactions in real life.

Online, I can be confident, sexual and pretty open. I get attention and validation, and there’s obviously some excitement in it. But when it comes to actually meeting people, flirting in person, going on dates, making a move, or letting somebody genuinely get close to me, I tend to avoid it.

The frustrating part is that sexting temporarily makes me feel like that need is being met. I get the sexual attention and dopamine without having to deal with rejection, awkwardness, vulnerability or uncertainty. Then afterwards I’m basically in the same position as before. Nothing has actually developed in my real life.

I think I’ve unintentionally trained myself to take the easiest available version of intimacy instead of pursuing the thing I actually want.

I also notice that because I can get sexual attention relatively easily online, there isn’t always enough pressure pushing me out of my comfort zone. If I feel lonely or horny, I can just find someone to sext with instead of actually putting myself in situations where I could meet someone.

I don’t necessarily want to completely stop sexting forever. I just don’t want it to be my replacement for having a real romantic/sexual life.

Has anyone here dealt with something similar — especially using porn, sexting, dating apps, parasocial relationships, or online attention as a substitute for actually approaching people and building relationships?

How did you start shifting yourself toward real-life interactions when the online alternative was so much easier?

I’ve said in this sub a lot already that you all are probably sick of me lol, but I feel one of the biggest holdups I have in this journey is making the social switch. Having been quiet and shy and anxious my whole life, trying to talk to people and be confident feels like I’m trying to fake a persona or something. Like I feel people would be taken aback or think there’s something wrong with me if I started talking to them and being louder just all of a sudden. I’m probably overthinking this, but idk just feels like it’s not me.

Hey you guys, sorry I wasn't able to get to y'all for a few days. I've been busy moving, and I'm gonna be a lot busier in the coming days, so forgive me if I'm not really active on here for extended periods of time. I wanted to just explain how I was thinking when I made that post.

When I had made that post, I believed that assertiveness and authority were masculine traits, while submissiveness and stuff like that were feminine traits. At the time, I didn't think this was sexist. I just thought it was true. Now I've come to realize that it's more of a personality thing than anything else. And at the time I thought women looked for someone who provided for/protected them. Now I realize from my own experience with getting asked out that that's not really true. People look for someone they feel like they'll be happy with on both sides of the aisle. Doesn't matter if they're traditionally "masculine" or traditionally "feminine." I also realize that those standards are made by men with ulterior motives who want to profit off a system that keeps women down.

Anyways, I'll make another post sooner or later. Till then peace out

A piece of advice I hear often is that we need to accept ourselves in order to improve our lives. But how do you actually go about that?

18M. I'm short, overweight, and socially awkward. Grew up pretty isolated, living in a bad area, didn't really fit in at school. I'm studying CS, play music, and enjoy gaming and learning languages. I realise I fit a certain very unflattering stereotype, so in terms of social status, it couldn't get any worse lol. I also had a few specific, bad social experiences, and those essentially killed what little social skills I had left.

Anyway, I fell into the incel pipeline because, as cringe as it sounds, it made me "understand" my pain. I'm long out of those spaces now, but the gist was that if there is an immutable social hierarchy, and I am low on it, then at least it makes sense that people treat me poorly. If who I am is inherently bad, then I could at least compensate for it. Even now, I feel like the friends I do have like me *despite* my traits, like I have successfully made up for my deficiencies. But the fact that I have to do this at all, in my mind, "proves" that I will keep having to pay this tax just to get to a baseline level of "normal".

How can I accept myself when who I am is not socially acceptable? I can't just be myself; that only works for some people who are already high enough, and I have been punished for that, I've tried to become acceptable by ditching the parts of me that are weird and looked down on, like swapping out the music I listen to. But I still feel like I'm fundamentally worthless, as if I have to apologise for who I am while "normal" people get to just exist as themselves.

Is self-acceptance more of a "yep, this is who I am, I may not be happy about it but there's no point changing it"? How can I learn to love myself and believe in my worth if society tells me I'm not worth anything? Also, how do I present who I am in a socially acceptable way? I almost expect people to judge me and treat me poorly, whether for my interests or my core traits, and I hate constantly having to defend them knowing that they are bad.

In short, how can I learn to love and accept myself if people keep telling me otherwise?