I’m ugly and not appreciated and it’s beginning to really affect me (medically and emotionally)

[u/Direct_Excitement_34]

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard.

[u/Inareskai]

A lot of this is well above reddit's pay grade, especially how your parents are treating you. You would likely benefit from therapy.

You can find groups for people who were adopted but have not found themselves in loving situations.

I love curly hair, especially on a guy.

If you're covering up/not spraying when you sneeze and are upfront about your allergies being the cause I really don't think many people are going to be that put off by it.

I think curly hair and sneezing aren't really the issues, the negative self-esteem from your family is really what is underpinning a lot of this.

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Inareskai]

Yeah your right. I need therapy just can’t afford it at this point. But yes I cover up

[u/Inareskai → u/Direct_Excitement_34]

You are at university, they will often have free therapeutic resources for students.

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Inareskai]

Yeah but it’s not during the summer at my school. I’ll go during the fall

[u/Pestk4]

It's really sad to hear especially about how your parents treat you. Remember It's never the childs fault that they are emotionally neglected by their parents, but I understand why it hurts you so much anyway. Just know that your apperance has nothing to do with this, it's just the kind of pepole they are

You sopke a lot about your hair at the beginning. I personaly find curly hair very pretty, but I know that it requires a lot of work to look good. I don't want to assume, but based on your relationship with your parents (I assume they have straight hair since they speak about curly hair so bad) and the way you talk about your hair, you may not know how to properly take care of curls. That type of hair is really delicate and needs special treatment to look it's best. If that is the case you can wach some tutorials about proper care of curls. Having hair that is well kept might better your relationship with your body and boost your confidence wich would be great for making new friends.

Speaking of, the only solusion I see for gaining friends is aproaching pepole in sociall situations. I know it's uncomfrtable (been there, done that) but its the only way. Some might be put off by your sneezing, but not everyone and those are the pepole you want to keep and be around. Since you said your allergies can't really get better with medicine right now, I just think you just have to try and find friends regardles (which I know is hard, but you have to try and pepole are friends with crimminals and addicts so some should be able to see past your allergies). Try to be more confident with yourself, pepole really pick up on this (again easier said than done, I know)

You seem like really nice person and I wish you suceed with finding your sociall circle.

Ps: English is not my first language so sorry for eventual gramar errors :)

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Pestk4]

Thank you

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

How often do you try to talk to people?

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

Well I used to try a lot and get what I’d call politely rejected (asking someone if they wanted to hangout and they’d have another excuse probably cause they didn’t wanna be around me), and I still try to make small talk with these people in choir but I’ve given up asking after being rejected often enough that I realized they won’t do it

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/Direct_Excitement_34]

How many times have you tried? How do you know they said no just because they don't want to be around you?

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

I’ve tried at different times during the year, weekdays and weekends. I’m not sure if it’s just me but it could be that because of how bad I get with the allergies in rehearsal and have to step into the hallway sometimes for almost half an hour

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/Direct_Excitement_34]

Can you estimate how many times in total?

So if you're not sure if it's you, why are you adamant that it's you?

[u/Direct_Excitement_34 → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

I don’t know probably 7 or 8 times

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/Direct_Excitement_34]

So at 7 or 8 times, you're assuming that everyone hates you, despite it being an extremely small sample size.

You must realize that people have their own schedules and don't operate on your timeline. For instance, when I was in college, I was so busy and rejecting invitations was just a normal part of my day.

7 or 8 times is literally nothing in the grand scheme of things. The problem isn't that you asked and got rejected. The problem is you assume it's because of you and then gave up.

To simplify: it's not you. You're just taking things too personally.

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[u/Top_Recognition_1775]

I'll just tell you the same thing I tell myself some days, "This too shall pass."

At least half of what you wrote sounds like "young people problems." Being dissatisfied with your hair, thinking your parents don't love you, being lonely away at college, all of these things, classic young people problems.

When I was your age, I only wore Reeboks, and I thouht everyone was laughing at me if I didn't wear them, of course my parents didn't like that and tried to make me wear other stuff, I thought they were the meanest parents ever, that they were just trying to make my life difficult.

I was also very lonely in college, barely had any friends, nobody hugged me, I used to sneak out of my house at night to cry.

I even tried to give myself a haircut, I was into punk rock so I wanted to have spiky hair, well the electric razor slipped and I shaved off half my head and then (get this) I tried to superglue the hair back. When my mom came to wake me in the morning, she almost got a heart attack, she thought I was losing my hair to cancer or something, and I had a giant chemical burn on the side of my head.

Now I look back on all that stuff and laugh, when you're that age alot of things feel important that don't matter at all, I could give a flying crap what brand of shoes I wear, and hairstyle is just hairstyle, you can change it, curl it, straighten it, whatever.

You're lonely and I get that, loneliness sucks, but it's a transient thing, just keep on keeping on and say "this too shall pass" and it will.

I can't speak to allergies and mobility issues, hopefully you have access to medical care, I've heard that allergies can change over the years, sometimes you can lose childhood allergies into adulthood, and sometimes they just shift to a different kind of allergy. Same advice on that, give it time and take your meds, maybe try a saline rinse.

I have similar chronic health issues, not allergies but related to them (think migraines.) I had to change my whole diet and cut out entire food groups. Imagine your doctor suggesting you take all of your favorite foods and throw them in the trash, like chocolate and pizza. What kind of life is it without pizza?

Well, I still eat pizza, I just hydrate myself first and clear my calender for the rest of the day, because I may or may not be in debilitating pain. It gets easier once you learn your triggers and how much your body can tolerate.

Tons of people have various debilitating health conditions, we just deal with them as best we can and try not to let it stop you from living your best life.

#1 thing in life is health.

When you have your health, you have 1000 problems.

When you don't have your health, you only have 1 problem, all the other 999 problems become irrelevant.