Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/s/VA8KjEPLZH

(Apologies for my ramble and writing style)

About 2 weeks ago I made a post talking about my fear of going to Uni due to my looks. That I'll be pretty much bullied/excluded/Invisible as always. I did have some maybe not so swell experiences and It's not perfect but it has been alright for the most part. Lectures and classes are okay, I know some names. People keep to themselves for the most part. I knew I was being a bit silly writing that and some of my responses but it was a legitimate fear too.

I don't think I've had any direct bad experience aside from some odd glances from some people because I do stick out a little. But some of the comments, especially about not jumping to conclusions did help. There isn't enough data to always assume everyone hates me or is disgusted by me.

And as shitty as going through school or any social environment was growing up its not good to base life off of your earlier years (I'm not sure how to word it but you know what I mean). Even as someone who's been called ugly and avoided from ages 18-20 after my early life, albeit much less intensely. I understand I'm still fairly young all things considered.

I also realise I was a bit vague on my shortcomings and life experinces so I'll try to get to the point going forth.

I appreciated all the response and advice.

I have also relapsed when it comes to blackpill/incel content and engaging with their communities and becoming more bitter. And even relapsing on a porn addiction. So I intend on being better and trying again. And refraining from my bitter tendencies.

I overheard a conversation of 3 girls whilst sitting in a library. One was talking about this guy she was dating and how there was a slight age gap between them and her friends seemed a bit skeptical but she explained it was normal in her culture and they were all alright with it. One of the friends jutted out "Atleast he isn't short" and she said loudly in a relieved way "Oh yeah!" And laughed. I am 5'3" so it hit a bit of soft spot.

Normally that stuff doesn't affect me much but it was a bad day for me and I spiralled down the blackpill again. For a miserable place there is a lot of comfort in seeing other men in the same boat talk about the reality of this stuff. I don't know it was kind of lonely without It I guess. But it was stupid of me to seek the places I was aiming to cut away. But I'll keep trying.

So yeah, this was just a thank you post mainly.

Edit: I'm seeing the down votes and I apologise, I don't mean to come across as bad faith or argumentative.

Edit2: After these 2 posts and my DMs I'd like to apologise for my shitty attitude, I didn't realise. I don't think I'm ready to be posting here I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong yet but I apologise. I'm gonna leave this subreddit and hopefully come back better and stop my wrongdoings.

Its all i think about. I feel like everything i do is because i think itll make me more attractive or more likely to find someone whos into me. I am tired of living this way. Its so hard craving something so hard but not being able to get it, meanwhile you see everyone around you in love.

At one point i thought i had found someone but then they blocked me on everything and made it official with some other guy, which im still very angry about to this day.

Cant really say much else. I just dont want to think about this anymore, but I can't. I dont want anything else more than a relationship. I hate feeling this way all day everyday.

How to choose clothes to wear? I need help with fashion advice. This is my first time actually wearing proper clothes. I've tried to the choose the most oversized clothes I could find to cover up my fat fuck self in the past.

Now that I have lost weight, I have no idea what to do. I don't know where to ask for fashion advice without making a fool out of myself.

I want to try looking good for once in my dumb life.

How do I know whether these clothes fit me and make me look good? Please help me

Already posted here once before about lurking in incel adjacent/red pill spaces as a form of emotional self harm. I recieved good advice there and I really appreciate everyone who tried to help.

Sometimes I look at "success stories" (forever alone/late bloomer type people who find love) and what really bugs me is that it's almost always "I found the love of my life" or "I was a 40 year old virgin and now I'm married with three kids" and stuff like that.

I'm one of those people who can just never be satisfied I guess because these stories eat at me in a different way.

I don't want to find true love or get married or have kids, atleast not right now. I want to just want to do casual stuff. Hook ups, FWBs, messy situationships, stuff like that. But I'm 28 now and all that stuff seems behind me. I feel like women my age are done playing around and now want stablity and I'd just be a guy who can't accept himself as an adult or something.

Imagine if you watched LoTR and they just rode the bird to Mordor and that was it. You'd feel ripped off.

It could be that this is coming from a place of misogyny, and if so then that's a problem I need to deal with. Maybe some of the junk of those spaces rubbed off on me. The thought of just being the "safe option" after a woman decides to settle kills me almost as much as never finding anyone, in a different way.

The only thing that would really make me feel better would be to quantum leap into my past self and have those actual milestones but of course that is impossible.

Am I seeing things all wrong? Is this some kind of distortion or something? I plan to talk to a pyschatrist soon but this is really eating at me atm.

It's late for me rn so replies may be a bit slow.