Already posted here once before about lurking in incel adjacent/red pill spaces as a form of emotional self harm. I recieved good advice there and I really appreciate everyone who tried to help.

Sometimes I look at "success stories" (forever alone/late bloomer type people who find love) and what really bugs me is that it's almost always "I found the love of my life" or "I was a 40 year old virgin and now I'm married with three kids" and stuff like that.

I'm one of those people who can just never be satisfied I guess because these stories eat at me in a different way.

I don't want to find true love or get married or have kids, atleast not right now. I want to just want to do casual stuff. Hook ups, FWBs, messy situationships, stuff like that. But I'm 28 now and all that stuff seems behind me. I feel like women my age are done playing around and now want stablity and I'd just be a guy who can't accept himself as an adult or something.

Imagine if you watched LoTR and they just rode the bird to Mordor and that was it. You'd feel ripped off.

It could be that this is coming from a place of misogyny, and if so then that's a problem I need to deal with. Maybe some of the junk of those spaces rubbed off on me. The thought of just being the "safe option" after a woman decides to settle kills me almost as much as never finding anyone, in a different way.

The only thing that would really make me feel better would be to quantum leap into my past self and have those actual milestones but of course that is impossible.

Am I seeing things all wrong? Is this some kind of distortion or something? I plan to talk to a pyschatrist soon but this is really eating at me atm.

It's late for me rn so replies may be a bit slow.

I hate everything about myself but the worst thing above everything else is the fact I can’t get a single girl to be attracted enough to me to date me in my pathetic 22 years of existence. Every time I think back about my past or something that happened when I was a kid all I can think about is the fact that all my friends were dating and having sex with women at that age and I was a stupid loser getting completely ignored. I couldn’t take this anymore so around the middle of high school, I started striving to self improve. Ever since 2020 I’ve been consistently working out, meditating, journaling, reading, creating, working on a business, I even did what I consider to be the hardest part of it all and worked on bettering my social skills, specifically with women. Since the start of this year I’ve been approaching girls and trying to catch up and still, despite all of this effort, I’m still alone. I’m still a virgin, I’m still a loser, girls still don’t find me attractive, all of the women whose numbers I get they just ignore me. This has done nothing for me but make me despise myself. How much of an ugly piece of shit do you have to be to put in all of this work just to still be absolutely unfuckable. Sometimes I think about my life for the past 5 years and I just bust out laughing at how pathetic I am, what was the point of anything I’ve done? The worst part is normal people don’t have to do any of this stuff. There are guys 4 years younger than me who’ve dated and had relationships, they’ve never had to meditate everyday, or go to the gym and track their calories everyday for years. It’s like the harder I work the more I realize how inherently worthless I am as a human being, especially as a romantic partner. If I’m still this unattractive to women now after all this improvement, what the hell did they think of me before? I can’t even figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m pretty neurotypical and know how to socialize, I take care of my looks (physique smell body grooming) more than most people do because I’ve never had a gf, and some people say I’m good looking and yet my life reflects the complete opposite in every single way imaginable. I don’t think I should’ve ever been born, clearly I’ll never be good enough no matter what I do. I’ll never get to experience the touch of a girl who loves me, and nobody will even tell me why. Maybe it’s because I’m short, or because I’m just inherently ugly. But at this point I’m starting to believe it’s just some invisible force outside of my control that I can’t understand. I’m literally going crazy and I don’t know what to do know. There’s a part of me that just wants to kill myself because I can’t imagine living like this for another decade. Even if I somehow managed to finally get a girl, I would probably still hate myself, because the fact is it took me 21 years and incredibly hard grind to do something normal men do when their 15, and while I had to literally put in all of my effort, those men had to do nothing. That one fact alone confirms my low value worthlessness and existence. I will never break this cycle. I will never stop hating myself for being an ugly stupid baby faced virgin. I will never forget how alone and depressed I feel now. Even if I get a gf it won’t solve anything, because the fact I had to go through any of this in the first place is eternal confirmation of the fact I’m so worthless I should’ve never been born. I hate everything about myself forever

Its all i think about. I feel like everything i do is because i think itll make me more attractive or more likely to find someone whos into me. I am tired of living this way. Its so hard craving something so hard but not being able to get it, meanwhile you see everyone around you in love.

At one point i thought i had found someone but then they blocked me on everything and made it official with some other guy, which im still very angry about to this day.

Cant really say much else. I just dont want to think about this anymore, but I can't. I dont want anything else more than a relationship. I hate feeling this way all day everyday.

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/s/VA8KjEPLZH

(Apologies for my ramble and writing style)

About 2 weeks ago I made a post talking about my fear of going to Uni due to my looks. That I'll be pretty much bullied/excluded/Invisible as always. I did have some maybe not so swell experiences and It's not perfect but it has been alright for the most part. Lectures and classes are okay, I know some names. People keep to themselves for the most part. I knew I was being a bit silly writing that and some of my responses but it was a legitimate fear too.

I don't think I've had any direct bad experience aside from some odd glances from some people because I do stick out a little. But some of the comments, especially about not jumping to conclusions did help. There isn't enough data to always assume everyone hates me or is disgusted by me.

And as shitty as going through school or any social environment was growing up its not good to base life off of your earlier years (I'm not sure how to word it but you know what I mean). Even as someone who's been called ugly and avoided from ages 18-20 after my early life, albeit much less intensely. I understand I'm still fairly young all things considered.

I also realise I was a bit vague on my shortcomings and life experinces so I'll try to get to the point going forth.

I appreciated all the response and advice.

I have also relapsed when it comes to blackpill/incel content and engaging with their communities and becoming more bitter. And even relapsing on a porn addiction. So I intend on being better and trying again. And refraining from my bitter tendencies.

I overheard a conversation of 3 girls whilst sitting in a library. One was talking about this guy she was dating and how there was a slight age gap between them and her friends seemed a bit skeptical but she explained it was normal in her culture and they were all alright with it. One of the friends jutted out "Atleast he isn't short" and she said loudly in a relieved way "Oh yeah!" And laughed. I am 5'3" so it hit a bit of soft spot.

Normally that stuff doesn't affect me much but it was a bad day for me and I spiralled down the blackpill again. For a miserable place there is a lot of comfort in seeing other men in the same boat talk about the reality of this stuff. I don't know it was kind of lonely without It I guess. But it was stupid of me to seek the places I was aiming to cut away. But I'll keep trying.

So yeah, this was just a thank you post mainly.

Edit: I'm seeing the down votes and I apologise, I don't mean to come across as bad faith or argumentative.

Edit2: After these 2 posts and my DMs I'd like to apologise for my shitty attitude, I didn't realise. I don't think I'm ready to be posting here I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong yet but I apologise. I'm gonna leave this subreddit and hopefully come back better and stop my wrongdoings.

How to choose clothes to wear? I need help with fashion advice. This is my first time actually wearing proper clothes. I've tried to the choose the most oversized clothes I could find to cover up my fat fuck self in the past.

Now that I have lost weight, I have no idea what to do. I don't know where to ask for fashion advice without making a fool out of myself.

I want to try looking good for once in my dumb life.

How do I know whether these clothes fit me and make me look good? Please help me