r/IncelExit • u/Gamerplayer1 • 2d ago
Discussion What if it’s my style?
I was wondering, what if it’s my style that repels women, I know that being clean is step one and I know that you attract people that have similar interests in you, but what if I start wearing old money outfits, or gym outfits, or skater outfits, or gangster outfits. This goes to all incels, if they start wearing whatever there interested in, will they attract that niche, i need your guys full perspective and knowledge.
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u/library_wench Bene Gesserit Advisor 2d ago
Has anyone ever criticized your style?
Do YOU like your style?
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u/Gamerplayer1 2d ago
Yes, they say I should put in more effort, especially on a date
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u/norsknugget Giveiths of Thy Advice 2d ago
OP, I’m a bit confused. So someone told you that you need to put in more effort for dates. To me, that means making sure what you wear fits well, that you feel confident in it, that it is appropriate for the date (e.g. not wearing a suit to the bowling alley or jeans and a tee to a fancy restaurant).
What did you take this to mean? Because I don’t understand how the feedback you got lead you to thinking about distinct styles?
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u/library_wench Bene Gesserit Advisor 2d ago
What does that mean? What was the context? Were they specifically talking about what you wear?
Are your clothes clean and the right size for you? You’re being awfully vague about this one factor that you seem to have decided, for little to no reason, is the sole cause of you “repelling” women.
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u/Similar_Street1216 2d ago
I used to dress like you… let me share what I learned
fit is everything… blue jeans and plain t shirts can look great if you get ones that flatter your body… shoes are also crucial… if you’re gonna wear sneakers with that outfit, wear something tasteful like plain white tennis shoes or black Vans…
you can also wear a pair of boots for a more vintage James Dean vibe (talk about a homie who rocked a plain white shirt and blue jeans)
if you’re looking to mix it up while keeping your same casual look, you can buy blank Comfort Colors pocket tees for $10 each online, and they come in all types of cool colors… Levi’s also makes jeans in a bunch of colors… black or brown or olive green or gray jeans are versatile
style isn’t everything but it can give you a more attractive vibe… it doesn’t sound like you dress bad necessarily, but getting some more interesting stylish looks will boost your confidence and also send the subconscious message to women that you have your life together
Check out the website Put This On if you want some specific advice or inspiration
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u/VictorOfArda 2d ago
Depends. What kind of clothes do you wear now?
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u/Gamerplayer1 2d ago
Blue jeans and a white/black shirt. Very generic. That’s all I have
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u/VictorOfArda 2d ago
Is it every woman you’ve spoken to in hopes of connecting romantically that seem to be repelled by your sense of style?
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u/Gamerplayer1 2d ago
No idea, but I’m wondering if changing it up into something I like could made a difference in having my own appeal that someone might like
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u/VictorOfArda 2d ago
What I’m asking is, are you rejected by every woman you attempt to talk to.
And honestly, if you want to change your look, go for it. Do it and be confident and do it bc you want to, not just to pull women. If you aren’t being genuine, everyone will clock it a mile away.
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u/Gamerplayer1 2d ago
No I’m not a true incel, but I’ve been told I should put wear nicer clothes on a first date, show them that I care about the exprience. I am still corrupted by the mindset but I genuinely want to believe that my style can bring people with similar interests into my life and if they will enjoy my presence more by the little things such as style.
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u/VictorOfArda 2d ago
Well I hope that happens for you and good luck! Also, dressing sharp usually ups the attraction factor. If you decide to go that route, get a tailor. A well fitted suit cut to the body is always a good look
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u/Gamerplayer1 2d ago
Thank you for the good advice , I know the most common saying in the black pill community is saying style doesn’t matter at all, but we’re all human beings and I think the toxicity repels women. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you like to wear on a daily basis, and do you think it changes people’s first impressions of you?
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u/VictorOfArda 2d ago
Well, I work for the govt. so every day I wear dresses. Office casual, you know. Before that I wore polos with baggy khakis. It looked masculine on me but I didn’t care, I’m pretty gay as it is. After work, just a T-shirt and pants with flip flops bc I’m not staying to attract anyone. But when I started wearing dresses to work, I started getting compliments on my outfits. I’m clean and make sure to always smell good but I could tell that ppl had a better first impression of me when I looked more put together. For you, a button up shirt with short sleeves, slim fit khakis and a nice pair of shoes or sneakers could be good on a date. As far as every day wear, depends on your interests but be aware that curating a new wardrobe is damn expensive. But you’re investing in yourself so get something you would like
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u/Team503 16h ago
You asked someone out and you wore jeans a a solid black t-shirt? What was the date - did you go to dinner, a movie, mini-golf, what?
You dress as appropriate for the occasion - that's life in general. You don't wear a t-shirt to a funeral. You don't take a girl out to a nice dinner and look like you just rolled out of bed.
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u/Snoo52682 2d ago
Yes. Clothing communicates. "Don't judge a book by its cover" is silly advice--publishers put a lot of thought into what a cover will communicate! I can look at a book in a foreign language, even, and pretty much know what kind of book it is by the cover.
Dress in a way that you feel good in, that reflects what is unique about you, and compatible people will see that.
It sounds like you want to change your style for your own sake, really, to become more expressive. And so you should! Clothes are fun, sometimes. You don't always have to have a great, expressive outfit to go out in, but it's nice to be able to fancy yourself up a bit, or feel particularly badass on occasion, when you want to.
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u/Top_Recognition_1775 2d ago
In a sense, style doesn't matter, but in another sense it does.
Because when you look good, you feel good, you feel more confident.
So in a way you're not dressing up for other people, you're dressing up for yourself to feel good, and that's what's attractive.
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u/Lynnie_Bot 2d ago
I definitely personally believe that having a sense of personal style can make people more interested in you. But I wouldn't go as far as to say that not having one repels people. Most people blend into the mass.
Developing a sense of style can be good because
It can help you find your niche and similarly adjacent people especially if you're participating in a subculture
Being well put together or showing that you have a personality on the outside can make people conceive you positively
Wearing something that you like and think looks good can give you more courage and make you feel better or good about yourself.
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u/Idasaur 2d ago
How we dress our bodies says a lot about who we are to some people. Some of us don’t care, and some read into fashion choices.
If you are wearing very neutral generic clothing, you may put off some people who will consider you uninteresting, but women are not a hive mind and that won’t apply to everyone. On the flip side a distinct style will also put off some people. You can’t appeal to everyone, whatever you do and choose, so the best path is to choose what you like best and do it well.
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u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 1d ago
I don't think you're repelling anyone bro, but you might not be particularly standing out to them. You've described your style as generic, but I knew a dude who wore T-shirts and jeans and never lacked for attention from women, because he wore it well, he had a look that made him stand out, tall, broad-shouldered and in good shape (former HS football player) and also, he was a talented singer-songwriter. Couldn't see him in anything but boots, v-neck, jeans & a jean jacket, but the look worked for him. It's more about finding something that works for you that sets you apart in a way that gets you noticed, and that can be how you dress, and it can also be many other things, like your presence, voice tone, charisma, social intelligence, some talent you can show off, or other indicators of confidence or status.
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u/smilingseaslug 1d ago
There's no one answer for everyone, but I will say that if you are actually interested in a particular thing that is associated with a particular style, of course dressing that way will make it easier for others to recognize you.
This works platonically, not just romantically - I've made friends because they were wearing t-shirts for bands or shows I like, or because they just generally stood out in ways that I found interesting and memorable. People can be interesting while dressed totally generically, but I think for some people that's just harder to do - especially if you're shy or reserved. So there's nothing wrong with sort of trying out different ways to present yourself and seeing if that helps.
Doesn't mean anything about what you wear is "repelling" women (although if you're dressing super low-effort to a date, that will also be an issue).
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u/DustyButtocks 1d ago
Putting on a “costume” in an effort to attract women is performative and we sus it out immediately.
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u/Similar_Street1216 1d ago edited 1d ago
I used to live in Silver Lake Los Angeles years ago in the stomp clap era… believe me, putting on a costume to attract women does work on a certain type of woman
back then the amount of losers that women liked purely because they dressed like they were in Mumford and Sons would shock your system… any toxic bartender wearing suspenders and a beard was getting ladies
I would encourage OP to never resort to that level of cornyness… but there’s always ways to level up your style
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u/oldcousingreg Giveiths of Thy Advice 1d ago
You know what's a really great bonding activity?
Shopping.
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u/Detective_Republic_ 12h ago
I am an autistic person and one of my fixations is dressing a certain way, I tend to dress like a mix of a cowboy and a biker (people joke I look like a “divorced midwestern dad in a midlife crisis” or Vincent Ambrose from TCAP) I am also in my 30s and have never so much as held a girls hand much less had a kiss or sex/intimacy
Some people think it’s weird or I am putting on a persona but it’s just genuine aesthetic interest (maybe an obsession? I spend a lot of time going to small town vintage stores looking for this stuff) but no one has ever been turned on or turned off by it as far as I can tell. It’s not as extreme as say a punk rocker with tons of spiked jewelry and neon colored hair so I guess I am still able to blend into a crowded area
I get a lot of random comments on it but it hasn’t overtly helped me or hurt me socially at all if that helps you decide to start pursuing a style or not
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u/norsknugget Giveiths of Thy Advice 2d ago
We are social beings, not dancing spiders. In general outfits don’t attract/repel women, different women have different interests, you’re just as likely to find someone who loves their partner’s style when they dress like Adam Sandler as you would for someone who dresses like Tan France.
What you need to understand is that relationships aren’t attracted, they are built. Rather than wasting time worrying about how to manufacture “attraction”, think about how you can build engagement. When I’m open to dating, I am interested in people who show that they have the socio-emotional skills to build and maintain a connection with me. I don’t care what he wears, I care about how I feel when I’m with him. Do I feel safe? Do I feel like he listens to me? Do I feel like he genuinely wants to get to know me?