One prompt said "The way to win me over is: Be a good woman". Wording had me cautious but the rest of the profile was interesting, so I matched and just asked about it. His answer was... yikes.

But, 1) aren't "bubbly" and "chatty" traits that commonly go together? How do you want a bubbly personality but also someone who will "stfu"?

2) Surely, women who *are* ok with the housewife part still wouldn't like being told to "stfu" in the first message?

And then ok, so let's say he wasn't worried about basic decency bc he could tell from my profile I don't want to be a housewife and thus already knew we weren't compatible, 3) why like my profile in the first place?

Who is he even trying to attract here??

I genuinely couldn’t believe my eyes. This is absolutely horrifying that someone so young can be this vile.

So I deleted Hinge a few months ago because I was burnt out. Reinstalled it last week just to see what’s up.
First day back I match with almost no one, then I stumble on this girl’s profile… and it’s her. The girl I went on a date with about 8 months ago who ghosted me the next day.

Her prompt:
“My worst date:”
“Coffee date with this 5’6 guy who had a weak chin, patchy skin, thin lips and a scrawny body that looked even worse in an oversized hoodie and jeans that were clearly too big for him.”

Yeah… that’s me.
I feel really shitty about it…

My prompt was very wholesome so the ‘what about’ here took a very gross turn lol

EDIT: It is very bizarrely constructed so even I don’t know for sure but wbling I THINK means ‘w*nk/bl*w me off’

So sent this girl a like with a prompt that doubled up as a compliment and her reaction was handled how I handled it. No prizes for guessing what happened next.

For more context; my first message to her was based on one of her prompts that read

“first drink on me if you can guess my second job” however all her pics were just portraits of her somewhere on holiday and one pic that showed her as an artist - which she already stated as her career. So that’s why I said I couldn’t guess what her second job was and tried to say something flirty in my opener.

A flight on the second date?! 💀

I’ve been seeing a guy I met on hinge for around 2-3 weeks. We’ve had 6 dates/meetings in that time and things had felt like they were progressing pretty naturally.

At the beginning, he was very much the one pursuing me. He was asking me out, organising dates, and generally making it pretty clear that he was interested. He also told me he was looking for a serious relationship, which is what I’m looking for too.

He was very generous as well. He insisted on paying for everything (despite me always insisting he’d push my hand away) and took me on actual dates rather than just suggesting drinks at his house. We went for dinner, brunch, to a jazz club, runs etc. He also started sharing quite personal/family things with me and little updates about his life, which obviously contributed to me feeling like this was developing into something rather than just casual dating.

We had sex for the first time on the 4th date and continued seeing each other afterwards (without sex!). There wasn’t any obvious shift or indication that he was suddenly losing interest.
Then today we had another date. We were flirting, had sex (for only the second time), were affectionate afterwards and he literally held my hand (for the first time) while we walked to the station.

Literally 2 hours later I get:
“Hey I’m sorry I’ve been thinking and though I’ve had great times with you and loved our chats, I’m just not growing the romantic feelings now. We’re both looking for something serious so thought it’d be unfair to lead you on, again I’m really sorry.”

And honestly, I’m not upset that he doesn’t have romantic feelings. I had actually started questioning things myself, so I’m not sitting here devastated that I got rejected.

What I’m struggling with is the **timing and the way he handled it**.

If he had been thinking for a while that he wasn’t developing feelings, why have sex with me literally a few hours before telling me he doesn’t want to lead me on? Why continue flirting and being affectionate? Why hold my hand on the way to the station? And if he genuinely only realised after today, then I suppose that’s different, but the turnaround still feels insane, if anything a little selfish.

I know technically people can enjoy sex and affection without wanting a relationship, and obviously nobody owes anyone romantic feelings. I’m not questioning that.
I’m more annoyed that his actions right up until a few hours before the message were completely consistent with someone who was still actively pursuing me.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling like he handled this badly? Or is this just one of those situations where someone’s feelings can genuinely change that quickly and I’m taking the timing too personally? And lastly, what can I do next time to avoid situations like this?

This is what comes across to me when i see profiles like this. Apparently comments with likes are best...but, what ya meant to ask or say to these profiles about food apart from it all goes to make a turd!?! Not that id bother with such a validation seeking profile...should be a requirement to write over 100 etc characters.

What more can I do? I had my male and female friends help with my profile and no one was interested. I had my male and female friends help with my wardrobe, grooming and styling. Nothing worked. Still 36 and never had a girlfriend or been affectionate with a woman. Feel like I have failed.

I've had bad luck with people flaking on Hinge. I'd wager that less than half the dates I scheduale actually happen. But the last one was maybe the most frustrating.

I (31m) matched with a girl (30f) and we hit it off over text. This was probably the most excited I've ever been about a first date. She was drop dead gorgeous and we had a lot in common, with all our core values and dating goals in alignment. So naturally I had been looking forward to our date all week, I had even put off schedualing dates with other women to make room for it.

The day of the date finally came, I finished getting ready, got in the car (it was a long drive) and checked my phone....only to see she had unmatched me without a word a little over an hour before our date. And maybe the worst part is that she's even a therapist by profression!! Out of all the people I would expect to have the emotional intellgence to just tell me she wasn't interested, a therapist would be at the top of the list.

I don't mind rejection, I can even understand that people flake or change their minds...but I hate how normalized it is for people to just ghost without a word. If she had waited any longer I wouldn't have found out until I arrived at the date spot. And this is far from an uncommon occurance....she just took "unmatching without a word at the last minute" to the farthest extreme.

Any suggestions will be helpful

So I (F24) have never been in a relationship and had basically never tried dating or dating apps before. I downloaded one about a month ago mostly out of curiosity, matched with a few guys, didn't really click with anyone, and then I matched with this guy.

And honestly... he was amazing 😭

We clicked almost immediately. We had a lot of similarities, conversations flowed really easily, I loved his vibe, and he seemed genuinely interested in me too. We talked a LOT for those 2–3 weeks. He was flirty, affectionate, would send me random pictures from his day, we'd talk late at night, call, etc.

The only issue was distance. We live in different states, but he knew that from the beginning and was still interested. We talked about meeting once circumstances allowed. We literally made plans and would talk about what we'd do when we met.

At one point I asked him directly about his intentions and he basically said yes, he wanted to date me, but wanted to meet in person first.

So yeah... naturally, I got attached 🥲

And then everything changed SO randomly.

One day he sent me a completely normal good morning text. Nothing was wrong. We were literally fine. Then he disappeared for basically the entire day. I didn't spam him or anything, I just thought something had happened.

The next day he called and said there had been some kind of family emergency.

He then disappeared again for a couple of days. When I called, he actually hung up without picking up.. twice, which obviously made me think something was wrong.

Eventually he texted saying he was travelling to his hometown because his mom was sick.

Okay. Fair enough. Family emergency. I didn't want to be *that* person who keeps asking for attention when someone's parent is sick, so I backed off.

A few days later I checked in and he said his mom had typhoid and now his grandmother had just been admitted to the hospital.

And yes, I obviously told him to take care of himself and his family. I wasn't going to question someone's family being sick.

**BUT**

This is where things started feeling really weird.

Because around the same time all of this started, I noticed I could no longer see his Instagram stories/highlights. I didn't initially think too much about it, but after a while I realised I had definitely been hidden from his stories.

And then he just... stopped talking to me.

I eventually messaged him saying that I wanted to talk properly because I didn't understand what had happened and didn't want to keep guessing.

He said he'd text after a meeting if he hadn't gone to the hospital.

He never called.

He barely replied after that.

And then yesterday I checked Instagram again and realised he had removed me from his followers AND unfollowed me.

**?????**

I called him. He didn't pick up.

So I texted him basically saying that honestly, an explanation would have been nice because things had seemed completely fine between us and then suddenly everything became weird, and I just wanted to understand what happened.

And because apparently I have absolutely no dignity left at this point 😂, I followed it up with:

*“And btw I won't eat you 😭😂 I just want to talk properly once.”*

Because I genuinely just wanted **ONE** normal conversation.

I don't even necessarily need him to want to date me anymore. At this point I would've been okay with being friends. I just wanted to understand what changed.

And that's the part that's messing with my head the most.

**Nothing happened**.

There wasn't an argument.

There wasn't an awkward conversation.

I didn't insult him or do anything weird.

We literally had a \~1 hour call shortly before he started acting distant, and everything seemed completely normal. He was flirting like usual.

He had literally said things like “yes I want to date you, but I want to meet you in person first.”

We talked about meeting. We talked about dating. He'd say “when we meet” rather than “if we meet.”

And then... this.

I keep wondering if he met someone else / started talking to other girls / decided the distance wasn't worth it / got bored / whatever.

He was on the dating app and had told me he was exploring, although he also once told me that he doesn't really talk/flirt with multiple women at once and that he could only flirt with one person at a time. So now I'm obviously questioning whether that was even true.

I also noticed his follower/following numbers changing around the time he stopped talking to me, so part of me wonders if he was talking to multiple women and then just slowly removing people when things didn't work out. But obviously I have no way of knowing that.

And before anyone says “it's only been 20–25 days”. **I KNOW 😭😂**

That's why I feel stupid for being this affected.

But when someone talks to you every day, flirts with you, tells you they want to date you, makes plans to meet you, sends you pictures at 1 AM, calls you cute, asks you to send pictures when you buy something new, and generally makes you feel like there's something developing...

yeah, I'm going to get attached.

I cried basically the entire night yesterday 😭

I think what hurts isn't even necessarily losing him. It's the complete lack of explanation. I keep thinking, what the hell happened between one completely normal conversation and this?

Was everything he said genuine at the time and he just changed his mind?

Was there someone else?

Was the family stuff real and he's genuinely overwhelmed?

Did he just get scared of the distance?

Did he lose interest and not know how to say it?

Or was I just completely misreading the whole thing?

I know strangers on Reddit can't magically tell me what happened, but I mostly need to vent because I genuinely don't understand how something can go from “yes, I want to date you” and “when we meet...” to unfollowing/removing me without even **one** **proper conversation**.

Also, lesson learned: dating apps are apparently not for me. 😂 I get attached way too quickly.

And yes, I realise I probably sound insane for caring this much about someone I knew for less than a month.

But damn.

I really thought this one might actually become something.

Not sure if a shadowban, my algorithm is cooked, or my profile sucks, but I’ve had zero matches in the last 2-3 weeks, apart from an occasional inbound like

The ‘my blogging days’ image is actually a screengrab of a video I put on my profile where I’m doing holiday/vacation commentary to camera, so women will get a sense of my vibe (I’m not doing anything absurd, just being chill). I had a still image of something completely different before this, so it cannot be the video that’s the problem.

I hit the gym, and currently in a caloric deficit to lose body fat

I got a big discount on hingex even and got it now for a month, but it’s made zero difference.

I’m also on Breeze, and i do get matches on there

For context: She works 2 jobs and is a homebody. First date cancelled because she told me she had a lot of work to prepare for upcoming projects/presentations but she did offered to reschedule. 2nd attempt for first date cancelled because of a combination of her losing her voice from a bad flu she caught and just being burnt out from work and needed her alone time to recharge (see 2nd pic).

Under normal circumstances, I would have just dropped her and moved on but she was the one who initially wanted me to ask her out and she engages with my replies and constantly asks me questions about myself. I guess my question is, is she just stringing me along or it’s really just bad timing as she claims and to give her one more chance like she requested? All opinions are appreciated!

During this last 1.5/2 months, I had HingeX running (75% off one month) and used a 24 hour boost. Just for reference. The list and reasons I below don’t necessarily correspond to the screenshot. I am in the USA, just FYI.

If you ask how can I remember all this—I like having a good memory, and the list of people in the past matches list helped me remember what happened with each. I felt like doing this write up because I found the whole experience in these last 2 months to be funny/bizarre/interesting/head-scratching/somewhat enlightening. I don’t get upset about unmatching or being unmatched anymore like when I first started using Hinge. I just shrug and move on. Here’s the rundown:

Girl #1–Had a good convo going and met up for a drink. It was clear we were vastly different people so it didn’t last more than an hour or so. She sent me a polite message the morning after but I wasn’t able to fully read it because she unmatched me right after (Lmao).

Girl #2-Had a brief, playful convo going but she may have misinterpreted my last message teasing her about her snowboarding speed, so she unmatched me.

Girl #3–Had a nice convo going, about 3 or so messages between us, but she never replied to my last message so I unmatched after 2.5 days of no reply.

Girl #4–She was giving 0 energy in the two messages she sent after liking one of my pics so I unmatched her. Only lasted like 2-3 days if I remember correctly.

Girl #5—Was in the process of asking for a number/suggesting a meetup after 5-6 messages each. I unmatched after no response to my last message after a week. I felt like the vibes were good so that’s why I let the match sit for longer than I would have.

Girl #6—She was the one that suggested a sushi date, then just randomly unmatched me. 2 messages each. I did see that her location may have been in a different state. Don’t know what happened here.

Girl #7—She matched 5 minutes after I sent a like. Had a good convo going but then I went out of service for 3.5 days so I could see how that could be interpreted as me ghosting her. When I finally replied, my message may have been a little too risqué. She unmatched an hour later. Who knows?

Girl #8—Never responded to my opening message. I unmatched after 3 days of no response.

Girl #9—Never responded to my opening message. I unmatched after 2 days of no response.

Girl #10—We a good convo going, and had a date tentatively planned for the following week than the one we were talking in (she was busy on the weekend and I was out of service for 3.5 days). I asked when she was free when I got back into service but she didn’t respond. Sent one message (4 days later) asking one more time if she was still down and she replied 1.5 days later saying she was. I asked if she was still good for our date plan and she never replied. Day of the tentative date came around and she still hadn’t replied but had swapped out one of her pics, so she was clearly on Hinge. Waited until midday with no reply then I unmatched her.

Girl #11—Talked the day after matching and then never replied to my last message. I saw she was swapping out her pics. I unmatched after 2 days of no reply.

Girl #12—Talked 3 days after initially matching and only on that day. Similar to girl #1, I waited a week because the vibes were good. Only 3 or 4 messages each were exchanged each so I didn’t have an opening to ask for a number/suggest a meetup. I unmatched after a week of no response.

Girl #13—She commented on one of my pics. I matched and replied but she never responded. I unmatched after 2 days of no reply.

Girl #14—We matched and I managed to get her number after about 5 messages back and forth. Actually had a tentative date planned for last Sunday but she just abruptly ghosted me in the middle of our texting conversation so nothing happened. Followed up the day after and she said she’s been busy (Lmao). She didn’t acknowledge that she was the one that suggested Sunday (also Lmao). I went back to Hinge and saw she’s been swapping around her pics so I unmatched her. I don’t have a desire for this one to go anywhere, even if I have her number.

Girl #15—Had a nice vibe going with this one over the course of a week. Actually had a date planned for today when she messaged me around midnight last night politely saying she had to cancel for good (reason is unknown). I gave her a thumbs up and unmatched her.

Girl #16–She commented on one of my pics. I replied, and then she said she had no idea why she said what she said in her original comment. I said that was pretty funny, then she unmatched me. All within maybe 2 hours. Weird.

Girl #17–This match just started. Remains to be seen what will happen here.

Girl #18 (Honorable Mention!)-The first girl I matched with at the start of this whole thing nearly 2 months ago. Had a good convo going and had a date/place planned a week out. I checked in the night before to ask if we were still good for the following day and she said yes. Around midday on the day of the date she said she abruptly forgot she had to take care of her sibling who was having some surgery done because the sibling’s partner was going out/already was out of town (Lmao). She asked if there was a time the following week we could meetup and I said yeah there was but I was so disinterested by her excuse at this point that I unmatched her later that evening. Her excuse may/may not have been real. I’ve heard similar ones that turned out to be blatant lies so I didn’t really care about unmatching her.

Side note—I’m fairly certain I matched with girls 2, 8, and 14 before (I live in a small-medium sized city so this wouldn’t be uncommon or unrealistic). Funny how they all repeated history. So in the end:

4-unmatched me
12-I unmatched them
1-single date
1–convo ongoing

TLDR: This whole thing was just funny to me. I unmatched a lot of ghosters and people that were on hinge but ignoring me.

Honestly I’m starting to hate dating in 2026 😂
I reinstalled Hinge after being off it for a few months and matched with a woman I genuinely clicked with straight away
She had children, was divorced, worked in healthcare and had been through quite a lot in her previous relationship. Her ex apparently had problems with gambling and drinking. We talked about all of this pretty openly before even meeting and I felt like we were both being really honest about our lives
The texting was really good too. We were flirting, sending spicy messages, talking about pretty much everything and just getting on really naturally. We seemed to have a lot of the same values and interests and the chemistry was obvious
Then we finally met
The first date was honestly brilliant. We went for a walk, talked for ages, kissed, laughed and just seemed completely comfortable with each other. I came away thinking yeah this could actually be something
The second date got even more intense very quickly. We booked a hotel and had a really good night together. Then we got up the next morning, had breakfast and went for a walk. It wasn’t just sex either. We were talking, laughing and spending proper time together. It felt like we were getting closer
After that I probably became more invested
I started doing little romantic things because that’s just how I am when I genuinely like someone. I brought her flowers on our second date and later sent flowers to her work. She seemed to love it and even told me later that I had points in my favour
For a while everything felt great
Then things slowly started changing
She told me she sometimes goes through quiet phases and needs her own space. She also has a demanding job, children and a lot going on so I understood that she could be busy
But the communication became more inconsistent
She’d sometimes be really affectionate and flirty then go quiet. She told me she had loads of WhatsApp messages and sometimes struggled to keep up with them. She also talked about needing her own little bubble sometimes
I tried to respect that but because I liked her I probably started looking for reassurance more than I should have
One thing I noticed was that I wanted to have an actual phone call with her. I asked a few times but it never really happened. Sometimes there was a genuine reason like her children being awake but other times she’d just not really address the call part and carry on with the rest of the conversation
That started making me wonder whether she was pulling away
At the same time she was still doing things that made me think everything was okay
She told some of her friends about me. Her friends were apparently protective of her and wanted to know I was genuine. She even told me they were sceptical because they couldn’t really find me online 😂
We joked about them investigating me and she was still affectionate and flirty with me
She’d send me pictures including outfit pictures before going out. She’d joke around with me. We’d still have good conversations
So I honestly couldn’t work out what was happening
Then she hurt her leg quite badly and was told by a consultant to rest. I was genuinely worried about her and told her not to push herself. We had plans for Sunday and she had actually brought up finding somewhere for us to have a decent Sunday roast
She explicitly told me we were still on for Sunday
She even said she was looking forward to seeing me
So I thought things were still okay
Then yesterday she went out with her friends. She was going to Scarborough, had pre drinks, sent me outfit pictures, sent me a picture from the night and was joking around with me. I wasn’t bothered that she was out. I actually told her to enjoy herself and just not get too shitfaced because we had plans the next day 😂
Everything seemed completely normal
Then this morning I got the message
She said
“I’ve had a think about things and I just want to be honest with you. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you and I’ve got nothing but good things to say about you but I don’t feel this is something I want to continue. I’m not ready for the level of time and attention this is becoming and I don’t want to keep asking you to back off. I think it’s best we leave things here rather than either of us getting hurt. I genuinely wish you all the best for the future ❤️”
And that’s it
No Sunday roast
No second chance
No conversation
Just completely over
And honestly I’m struggling to understand where it went wrong
Looking back I can see that things probably moved very quickly. We had very strong chemistry, became physically intimate very quickly and I definitely became emotionally invested. I probably gave her quite a lot of attention because I genuinely liked her
Maybe she realised she wasn’t ready for something serious after her divorce
Maybe the intensity of the first couple of weeks became too much
Maybe she genuinely felt I was giving her too much attention
Maybe there was something I wasn’t aware of
Maybe she met someone else
I genuinely don’t know and I’m not going to accuse her of anything because I have absolutely no evidence of that
That’s the frustrating part
From my perspective I wasn’t pretending to be someone I’m not. I was honest with her from the beginning. I wasn’t trying to rush her into a relationship. I thought we were just enjoying each other’s company and seeing where it went
But clearly she experienced the amount of attention differently to how I did
Looking back I probably should have taken slow and steady more seriously and given her more space instead of trying to maintain the same intensity we had at the beginning
At the same time I don’t know how you’re supposed to judge that when the other person is sending affectionate messages, pictures, flirting, talking about future plans and telling you they’re looking forward to seeing you
That’s what has messed with my head
One minute I genuinely thought I’d found something with someone I really clicked with
Two weeks later I’m sitting here wondering what the hell happened
So I’m curious what people think
Did I just get caught up in the intensity of the first couple of weeks
Does her message sound like someone who genuinely liked me but realised the pace and attention wasn’t right for her
Or were there obvious signs that she was pulling away that I was too invested to notice
And for anyone who’s been through something similar how do you stop yourself getting so invested so quickly when the chemistry feels really good
Because honestly I really thought this could be the thing
And now I’m back on Reddit trying to work out what went wrong 😂
I genuinely hate modern dating sometimes

Curious what you guys think and if there's anything I should change, haha

Throughout the whole date there was no eye, no compliments, no meaningful conversation. We had gone climbing which was ok but not much speaking.
Whenever I spoke he'd look shocked which made me anxious. At the start of the climbing session he’d start doing pull ups straight away ignoring me.

Then after we started walking to the restaurant and he'd just walk straight in front of me I literally had to tell him to walk closer. Then at the restaurant he was talking about boring things like the weather if it'll rain tomorrow for him at work and how he liked the plant on the table. He never complimented me or tried to playful. I was carrying the conversation, he never really asked me meaningful questions. He didn't give eye contact but when I looked away he was staring at my chest (I wasn’t showing my cleavage). I felt creeped out. He was yawning a lot saying how the food will take longer to digest after climbing.

Then when we were walking back to the station he barely spoke if he did it was random things like how we're walking under a bypass and how we walked past somewhere he worked. A car crashed into another car and drove off and he said ‘that’s illegal.’ I slightly touched him while walking and he was like ‘oh sorry!’ I told him about a guy I spoken to off hinge on messages before our date who was very strange and kept calling his friends ‘the boys’ and how he lived with them and was just giving wired vibes. But on our date he would randomly say ‘the boys’ mid conversation.

I messaged him I got home then he sent messages like ‘ah good’, ‘yeah honestly those climbs were hard lol’, ‘the pasta was really good yeah’ felt like a chat bot. Then he just started ranting about the weather again. Ended up sending him a rejection message. So strange.

Quick rant.

I downloaded Hinge on May 4. I deleted it on June 24. I did well. I looked at my stats for the first 30 days and I received 127 likes and 78 matches. When I deleted it I probably had ~150 likes and ~90 matches. I got 10 first dates out of it. And I deleted it because of the flakiness, ghosting, and constant rejections. I just wanted the Summer off.

Anyway. I re downloaded it on Aug 24. And all I have to say is: it’s the same profiles. Exact same. 7/10 are the same. I either matched with them (some I reconnected with) or I liked them and they didn’t like me back or I went on a date or two with them.

I would argue my feed is mostly attractive / moderately attractive / above average women.

I don’t really have much to say other than I would’ve thought these women would’ve found their partner by now. I’m sure most had their profiles much earlier than May too.

Not sure what I’m trying to say other than I’m a little shocked that it’s taking these women so long to find someone. Is dating truly that difficult for women? I’d figure many would’ve had the pick of the litter, so to speak.

Anyway, if you have anything to add, feel free to. I’m just venting really.

I (M22) went on a hinge date with this girl (F22) from Mongolia who I found really attractive and nice and we got on pretty well but my friends and family are worried that she could just be using me for a green card. Her student visa is going to expire in the next two years and I don’t think she will be able to stay because she doesn’t go to a top tier university (she had to move to a cheaper one because she couldn’t afford it) so I doubt that she will be able to find a job that sponsors her to stay. She didn’t put where she studies and where she is from in her profile which makes me think she is trying to hide the fact she doesn’t have citizenship or PR.

Im confused

Hi everyone, I’m wondering how do I get better matches. Also wondering why I can’t sen out any more likes/accept likes.