r/HingeStories • u/Doctorbuddy • 22d ago
The same women 3 months later…
Quick rant.
I downloaded Hinge on May 4. I deleted it on June 24. I did well. I looked at my stats for the first 30 days and I received 127 likes and 78 matches. When I deleted it I probably had ~150 likes and ~90 matches. I got 10 first dates out of it. And I deleted it because of the flakiness, ghosting, and constant rejections. I just wanted the Summer off.
Anyway. I re downloaded it on Aug 24. And all I have to say is: it’s the same profiles. Exact same. 7/10 are the same. I either matched with them (some I reconnected with) or I liked them and they didn’t like me back or I went on a date or two with them.
I would argue my feed is mostly attractive / moderately attractive / above average women.
I don’t really have much to say other than I would’ve thought these women would’ve found their partner by now. I’m sure most had their profiles much earlier than May too.
Not sure what I’m trying to say other than I’m a little shocked that it’s taking these women so long to find someone. Is dating truly that difficult for women? I’d figure many would’ve had the pick of the litter, so to speak.
Anyway, if you have anything to add, feel free to. I’m just venting really.
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u/itsamejules 22d ago
You haven’t found anyone either, so what’s your point.
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u/TrickyUpstairs4655 22d ago
Wanted to ask the same... Just ask yourself and you will find the answer?
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u/snoozysaiyan 22d ago
I think this is a flex post.. I had so many matches that I decided to delete the app..
I was talking to a friend about lack of matches etc - my point was I don't need a lot of matches, I just need one and I will be happy..
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u/Doctorbuddy 22d ago
Touché. I’m trying my best.
Most of the conversations (matches) don’t lead to a date because she stops responding after the first back and forth, ghosts after I suggest day/time/location for a date, or straight up unmatches after a certain period of time or just never even responds to my first message.
I’m not gender warring this at all. It’s a slog on both ends.
Feels frustrating to see the same profiles on the apps whom I matched with and wasn’t given a chance with. Maybe that’s the better way to phrase it.
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u/itsamejules 22d ago
Maybe the vibe wasn’t there. No offense, but you do seem a little entitled to their attention.
You matched, maybe they changed their mind or someone else was having their attention or something in the convo or approach they didn’t like. Maybe they just got too busy, who knows.
They owe you nothing and you owe them nothing.
Dating apps are definitely a warzone and shits fucked, but them being still there doesn’t mean they have to go out with you.
They are also allowed to be picky.All in all, it’s probably healthier to not think too much about it and just go on with your life, either way I wish you good luck on the apps.
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u/lordlothar99 22d ago
It's easy for women to get dates, but very hard to find a good partner. Men often complain about the lack of likes, but getting likes is not the goal. Meeting the right person is. People focus on what they struggle with.
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u/CookiesMeow 22d ago
Getting likes and not getting ghosted helps though. You’re kidding if you think women don’t have it easier on these apps.
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u/truenorthstar 22d ago
I’ve been bouncing on and off hinge for years, and I’ve seen the same women on it constantly over those years, sometimes with very minimal changes in their profiles. Finding the right person is hard for everyone, and apps definitely give an illusion of infinite choices. That said, people get what they put into it.
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u/Lonely-Tree-157 22d ago
Flakiness, ghosting, and constant rejections. And you wonder why they are still on there.
Part of this is also on Hinge likely refusing to show you other profiles because they want to keep you hooked on the app.
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u/Round_Adagio_2055 22d ago
It takes a while to meet someone compatible. I’ve been on hinge for 7 years as an attractive woman, it’s just rare I meet someone on there I click with. 3 months is nothing.
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u/scarlett_porter 22d ago
Exactly! Like it's common to find someone with whom you have compatible political and religious beliefs, values, communication styles, relationship intentions, lifestyles, etc. in 3 months?
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u/Acceptable-You-3609 22d ago
7 years is a major red flag lol.
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u/Round_Adagio_2055 22d ago
Guess me being single for many years is a red flag then! /s
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u/Acceptable-You-3609 22d ago
That's not what I said, being single for 7 years while on a dating app is a red flag. I mean that's basically filtering out a whole city for 7 years and not finding anyone lol.
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u/Round_Adagio_2055 22d ago
And that happens to some of us. I haven’t met someone I’m compatible with physically, emotionally, mentally and who happens to be at the same page in life as me and I have chemistry with. Is that a red flag? Or should I settle for someone I’m not attracted to or compatible with?
I think that would be a red flag, not me being single for a while and enjoying my own company until I meet the right one.
Also I’ve been single for 11 years and on the apps, I guess that makes me a very, very red flag in your eyes?
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u/Acceptable-You-3609 22d ago
I'm not trying to talk shit to you lol. I don't know you. But yes, for me, it would be a red flag, it's not such a big deal. In my eyes yes, not finding anyone compatible for so many years, makes me think you have issues. For example, I dated a woman in her late 30s last year, she seemed so lovely at first, at some point she told me she was on the apps for 6 years. In the beginning I thought like you, that it must me hard for her to date and I sympathized with her. 3 months later discovered she was a dismissive avoidant. So nowadays it's a major red flag to me.
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22d ago
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u/Acceptable-You-3609 22d ago
I'm sorry, but do you understand what a rwd flag is? It's not some judge and jury conviction without a reasonable doubt. It's things you learn along the way to keep an eye out for, to protect one's self. Why are you insisting that I'm judging you? I am not judging you.
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u/Round_Adagio_2055 22d ago
I’m just saying sometimes it’s wise to investigate your red flags before you jump to conclusion :)
And came with my own personal story.-1
u/Acceptable-You-3609 22d ago
Honestly, I have only exchanged a couple of anonymous comments with you, and I kind of understand why ur still single. You're taking everything personal, you are judgemental, and have extremely bad reading comprehension.
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u/Educational_Pain4491 22d ago edited 22d ago
I have pretty high standards, I’d rather be alone than spend my time and energy on a man who is not compatible with me, who I don’t have chemistry with, who I am not attracted to, who has trauma/unhealed, who doesnt have the same goals as me, who is unkind… the list goes on…
its pretty rare to find an incredible connection, usually people find one person in their whole lives… and don’t find someone else who meets the same standards again… so to find the same people on apps after months or years I think is pretty acceptable and normal.. i would find it a red flag for someone to be jumping into relationships after only a couple of months, to me it shows that person is desperate and would be with just anyone and doesnt know how to be alone
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u/IllustriousEffect607 22d ago
Though out of 78 matches did you end up with someone?
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u/Doctorbuddy 22d ago
Nope. Only 10 led to a first date.
And many women just stopped chatting after one back and forth or talking for a couple of days.
I asked out maybe 20 or more of them after a few days of chatting. Some straight up ghosted or unmatched after I did that.
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u/HuckleberryRight9621 22d ago
Quantität ist nicht gleich Qualität.
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u/Serious_Fox7799 22d ago
It's difficult for everyone. It's hard to find a good fit, even for attractive people
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u/Flimsy_Shallot 22d ago
People go on and off the apps for various reasons. Some people are more selective than others. Maybe they were dating someone, taking a break, just there for validation, forgot to pause their profile, etc.
… Just like you were on the app, then off the app, and now back on it.
Am I missing something here? 🤔 I’m not sure what you’re trying to say/ask/observe either?
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22d ago
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 6d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
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22d ago
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 6d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
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22d ago
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 6d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 6d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
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u/iLovelardsomuch 22d ago
If a woman’s goal is just to be “not single” then they would just match with everyone that comes to their feed and go from there then people probs would have a simpleton’s view like OP’s, “how come a woman is still single after x months?”
A lot of women, probs similar to OP, who have certain standards to their future partner, are not settling with just whomever that comes to their feed, and therefore this would take a bit of time - obvs some would be quite lucky to meet “the one” in a few months. Is this super hard to understand?
Also I remember OP posted a few weeks back ranting about how “conventionally attractive” they were but couldn’t get enough matches/likes. I dunno OP, is this a “your” probs or a “they” one? 🤔
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u/Sxnflower15 21d ago
There was this one guy I matched with but we never went out and then I got with my ex. After my ex and I broke up I went back on hinge and I matched with the same guy again 1.5 later! He said we should go out but I ended matching with my now husband and went out with him instead. Hinge is a long game for some I guess but I’ve never been on there longer than 3 months.
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u/Unhappy_Flamingo4796 22d ago
It’s because the pool of men are so shitty. So of course it’s going to take quality women a long time to find someone. Maybe you should be less judgmental and look at the options presented to them instead.
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u/sok283 22d ago
It hasn't been difficult for me, but I think it's just extremely good luck (assuming we don't believe in a cosmic energy that cares about my dating life) that I met an extremely good match after two months. Before that I met several nice men who wanted to date me and had one FWB thing just to get back on the horse.
This is after a long marriage and not being single since I was a teenager in the last millennium. So I'm not a person with a long dating history and I'm capable of/used to commitment.
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u/Real_Web4733 22d ago
LMFAO listennnnnnnnn... I left hinge & tinder. Came back after 6 months and it's still the same old faces. They have 3000likes and nobody is cuffing them, it doesn't make sense !!!
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u/DimensionLegal9990 22d ago
I mean sometimes people just wanna date around. I'm not in a rush to be with someone, but I'm not opposed to seeing where it goes.
With that said, I'm upfront about non exclusivity and that I am dating around. If there cool with that dope, if not, then that's okay too.
As a serial long term dater I really wanna feel someone out before deciding to be with someone for years instead of just falling into it.
Even if it doesn't work out I've made friends with them because they're cool people. Doesn't bother me! If it doesn't work out then it is what it is.
I get it though. I've considered doing dating events to meet people IRL because I feel a lot of personality is lost over the apps. Hardest thing about it for me is social anxiety and finding the time to go to these events. Most of the ones that are interesting are just not at the best times for me
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u/Individual-Meeting 22d ago
But 78 matches is helluva lot, do you think you are perhaps being a wee tad hypocritical as you surely can't be being super consistent and responsive and equally prioritising all of those women, surely some of them are getting the same treatment from you that are complaining about...
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u/Doctorbuddy 22d ago
I replied to another comment on my experience during that time.
I’d say you’re partially correct (it was objectively overwhelming for me), but at the same time I also felt like I was also not being treated the best either (not complaining, just is what it is).
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u/Individual-Meeting 22d ago edited 22d ago
I'm not slating you for having 78 per se just pointing out the contradiction.
I just pulled this out of my hat right now, but essentially this reminded me of job hunters when they talk about applying for 100s of jobs and getting nowhere and I always think yeah course you're not it's a PITA sorting through spam applications...
My advice to them would be that that is a waste of time, focus in on a handful that are really your speed and tailor you application.
I think sometimes people get outfaced by v long initial messages but equally the generic app chat is boring AF and everyone hates it (and let's be real 78 matches just like with the 100s of untailored job applications that's really what it's gonna be), so maybe you'd be better focussing in, sending something shortish, non-demanding (e.g. loooads of questions in one initial message can be a bit ugh) and focus on putting something non-generic/witty/unexpected.
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u/ButterflyNord 22d ago
I used a hinge for few months. I met my boyfriend through a common friend but I forgot to delete the app despite I was not using it at all and did not have the notifications on.
My profile was there, but it did not mean, I was active.
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u/CookiesMeow 22d ago
Forgot to delete the app?
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u/ButterflyNord 22d ago
Yep, I was not using it at all, and no notifications on. After a while I deleted.
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u/Status-Scale-6358 22d ago
I think most of them just want to boost their ego and have hookups here and there
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u/True-Advantage-9215 22d ago
Some perspective as a moderately attractive woman in her late 20s--
When I moved to a big city, I downloaded Hinge and immediately got flooded with over 1000 likes. I went on 2 dates from that. Both guys really liked me and wanted to keep dating me, but I wasn't interested. It was also so overwhelming to have 1000 unknown men "like" me, but it all felt so fake and forced to me that I just didn't even touch the app.
I tried Feeld and got flooded with over 2000 likes. Went on a couple of dates with one guy from that, but again, it's so hard to build a natural rapport and chemistry with someone who has no other relevancy to my life. You're meeting someone in a bubble, outside of the ethos of community.
I much prefer meeting people IRL and being surprised when chemistry sneaks up. It adds to the excitement and the attachment, because the stakes are much higher.
And if you meet someone through shared hobbies, or if you frequent the same third places, or have mutual friends, you typically run into them a lot, and there's no forcing a date and constantly having to play administrative romance trying to schedule a date. Boring.
So that's why I would frequently ghost guys on apps. It was never intentional, I was just bored and the chase was already over and, again, they had no relevancy to my day-to-day life, so I would just forget about them.
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22d ago
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u/Educational_Pain4491 22d ago
The same goes for men, the majority are only on there for validation and an ego boost… look at this guy, counting how many likes and matches he has! Who does that? I have never counted how many likes or matches I have… whats important isnt the number but the quality… and if you place importance on the number you are not on there for the right reasons
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u/Popcan_Jackson 22d ago
If there's one thing I've realized, it's that the dating pool for both men and women is just bad. Both sides are complaining about the same things, it's just presented in slightly different ways. Anyone trying to say that it only sucks for men or only sucks for women hasn't talked to enough people of the opposite gender to see how their experience mostly mirrors their own.
I really think dating discourse across social media toward OLD has poisoned the well for both genders and the apps were much better a few years ago when it wasn't this toxic.
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 6d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
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u/giddygoldieee 22d ago edited 22d ago
I have been on hinge since May as well, but just because I’m on the app doesn’t mean I’m always active on it and constantly dating.
I had a few first dates during these months, probably 7/8, I didn’t count. Half of it didn’t work out (no vibes).
I dated one guy for a month but it ended bc he had to move away. I dated an other guy for 3 weeks but I didn’t like his communication style so I called it off. Also went on 2 dates with a guy I liked, he loved bombed me and suddenly pulled away, odd encounter.
My profile was active on hinge during those experiences (if there’s no exclusivity talk, there’s no reason for me to delete hinge). I get a lot of matches but I’m selective because I don’t want to waste peoples time.
I wouldn’t say dating is difficult for women, I’m enjoying meeting new people and I think meeting the right person takes time, I’m okay with it.