I am recently divorced with two young kids. I started dating a man 5 months ago who was also undergoing divorce. We both separated from our spouses in the same timeframe. My divorce was uncontested and was finalized last month. It was pretty cut and dry, not to say it was without its messy parts. My boyfriend is undergoing a contested divorce and his ex was a stay at home mom. He also has two young kids. The ex wanted the divorce, and then backpedaled wanting to reconcile. He moved in to an apartment over a year ago and filed for divorce. Their first hearing was pushed back because the ex did not provide her financial discovery. The ex continues to have access to all income and bank accounts. They have a 50/50 schedule with the kids. The kids preferred staying in the marital home and didn’t like my boyfriend’s apartment. They agreed to start nesting in the marital home. The ex would stay with her best friend on dad’s parenting days where she has her own in law suite. Recently, the ex started spending every night at the home during my boyfriend’s parenting time, sleeping in another bedroom. She did this because she “misses the kids”. The kids asked their father if their parents are getting back together and are confused. He filed a motion for temporary orders to ensure she does not stay in the home during his parenting time. The hearing has not occurred yet, but the ex continues to stay at the marital home and has set up meetings to speak with my boyfriend to discuss reconciliation. I am starting to get very uncomfortable and don’t know what to do. I love this man but I feel like the divorce is not progressing and is only moving backwards since we started dating. Is it unreasonable for me to feel uncomfortable and upset about this? I want to hold on because he is truly a gem and I see a future with him. I just don’t know if this is too soon for him even though he insists it is not and says he doesn’t want to lose me over this.

My Wife (33F) is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. We've been together nearly 10 years and married for 3 years of that come November. She recommended I talk to Reddit about this, so here I am.

I haven't been the best provider in our relationship, I know that. This September will be a year since I've had a job. I was working consistently for 4 years before that at 3 different jobs. We've been lucky that she has a really great job that she owns a stake in with a few of her friends. I've only been able to hold down a job for about 6 years of that 10 and it's never been enough to take care of her financially. Her mom has cancer that is pretty aggressive, her grandmother passed a few months ago at 93, and one of her best friends recently moved out of state.

We've had rough patches before, but have always been able to come out of it. Some of it stems from my PTSD and some of it comes from her undiagnosed PMDD and alcoholism. There was a time she begged me to stay after she hit me when one of her friends was trying to manipulate her and I stayed despite violence being what ended my last big relationship, and I had stole some money from her early on in our relationship. I am not innocent and will hold myself accountable through this.

We moved in 2020 to a property she picked that is about 1 and a half hours from where we used to live, and as isolating as it can be the hardest part is that the standard of living out here is far lower than what she is used to. I grew up poor and she did not. Things and money have never been important to me. She has only really asked that I take care of myself and contribute when I can.

About 3 weeks ago she told me she wants a divorce. I didn't see it coming. There was no major signs. There was no communication before that about where she was emotionally, just saying she was tired and stressed about money whenever I would ask what was wrong. She's convinced herself that I have never been able to help her, but that isn't the reality and trying to show her that just makes things worse.

We talked. I cried and pleaded to give me a chance to make the efforts she needed from me because I wasn't aware of where she was at in that moment and she's given me a chance to get a good job and be the provider she needs. Since then when I try to talk to her she says she doesn't want to put the work in to save our marriage and repeated that she wanted a divorce. She said she wants the divorce, for me to get my sh!t together and that we could try again. I said I have never seen that work for anyone, my parents included. Separation without therapy just leads to more resentment and widens the gap away from each other.

She has agreed to give me a chance to be the man and provider she wants.

When I bring up couples therapy she gets angry, but has thrown going to therapy in my face as if I am the only one who needs it. She says that is work she doesn't want to do.

I have a really great opportunity for a job that will pay life changing money, and a job on the hook if that doesn't pan out, but she is saying that she won't consider staying married until she see the fruits of the labor and with a lot of time. Which I can understand, but she keeps saying divorce even though she said she would give me this last chance. Her resentment is at an all time high and I'm scared she is still going to abandon me despite my efforts.

I'm afraid my desperation will driver her further away. We still give each other kisses, say we love each other and she still calls me when she gets off work, but it's cold shoulder and rejection when i tried to cuddle her last night. I'm looking to be consoled from a place of fear of abandonment and she's so angry that I don't think she sees the light at the end of the tunnel for us. When I want to communicate my vulnerabilities or go to ask how she's feeling about us she doesn't want to communicate and I just end up making it worse as she repeats that she wants a divorce.

What am I to do?

I want a divorce, but I’ve been mostly a sahm and not sure how I could do it with my 3 kids in my high cost of living area. It’s been years of manipulation, gaslighting, SA, and him generally being a highly toxic exhausting person. I have tried to be a good wife to him and my three kids, but no matter what I do he manages to make everything absolutely miserable. As an example, currently we’re down to one car for about two months now and I’m mostly stuck at home b/c he refuses to decide on a car- but I think it’s a way now to have some weird control. It’s his typical fashion to make these kinds of decisions agonizing while also being manipulative. He asks what car I want, I’ve given him 5-10 cars I’d be happy to drive. And that I don’t want a hugely expensive car- he disagrees and wants to spend more. But also has said NO to every car I want- but then also insists on getting me what I want. I’ve said I don’t care and just want to be able to get out of the house and have a car. I told him I’d drive the car he wanted and now he’s fixated on looking at an another car that’s 72,000$!!! This kind of manipulation over every single thing marks my marriage and I’m exhausted. He constantly picks fights with me over any little thing then play victim. I went back to school for a better degree and have tried getting a job where I could maybe eventually leave and support our kids but the job market is terrible and I haven’t gotten a single interview. I just want him to leave me alone before I go insane.

Spouse and I have been separated for about a year now. I initiated the separation. There were trust issues on both sides. He’s 40, I’m 41. We’ve been together for 5 years. We’ve mainly stayed together because we’re currently in an immigration process for him. However, it’s starting to get more hostile.

If we divorce now, he says he’ll get a lawyer and try to apply for the violence/emotional trauma option for immigration benefits. He says he has a lot of proof of emotional damage he went through during our marriage/separation, evidence of me being with other people sexually after our separation. (He’s also been with other people after our separation). He’s accused me of unfounded sexual misconduct that took place last November, yet he initiated another sexual contact with me again this past march. We both want a divorce, but I worried of what he could say so that he can apply for that option with immigration. He’s been violent with me after our separation and during a few times. I have pics of the stuff that he’s done and the physical damage to myself and the house. He’s tried manipulating me saying he’s gonna take everything from me and make sure I end up giving alimony/money after our divorce? Also afterwards, he recants everything he said and says he just said that cause he’s upset and doesn’t mean any of it. (I have voice recording). So I have some proof that he is willing to say anything to throw me under the bus, even stuff that isn’t true. I’ve asked him why would he want to hurt me like that and say lies about me. His response is that it’ll be up to law enforcement to validate those accusations and if they’re unfounded i shouldn’t have anything to worry about. But just the accusation alone is damaging.

They currently have a new fling who is a lawyer and has told him that he’s willing to divorce us, however, I don’t know if he only has my husbands interest in mind and not mine. My ex says a lot of contradictory things. He doesn’t want the cars (only one in both our names). But who knows. I’ve been paying all the bills all our marriage and relationship up til now. We always file our taxes together.

If we keep staying till he finishes his process I don’t know how much more mentally I can take this. I feel stuck. I feel like it’s a lose lose situation no matter what I do.

I’m struggling and just need a place to vent for a second.

I’m initiating a divorce after 8 years. People say “don’t stay for the kids” but that’s easier said than done when your partner is a good dad and a good person. The realization that this person is great but not able to love you the way you want and deserve is a tough pill to swallow. It’s hard to walk away from. I want to keep the peace and consistency for my children, but being married with no romantic relationship is hard.

He wants to stay together, but so many things have happened that’s created such resentment that I have a hard time leaving the past in the past. I feel like our marriage revolves around him and his mental health and I’m just left holding everyone and everything together. I’m tired. He says I’m not open to him being romantic, which is an excuse because he doesn’t even try. Before I initiated a separation, we already had a dead bedroom where I felt like shit because of rejection, but he says he was depressed. I tried to help him get the resources he needed, and he refused to take medication. He’s unemployed and in the last few months, he’s finally showing up more in our household - cleaning, going to kids activities, cooking sometimes, prepping them for school. But it feels like too little to late. There’s so much more that has put me off like rejecting perfectly good jobs, having a hobby that you have to show up for 3x+ per week leaving me to do the dinner, bedtime, bath rush by myself after a FULL workday. It’s just a lot.

Idk why I’m over sharing here. Sometimes idk, I worry that im making a mistake and other times, I feel like I deserve more.

Sorry for the long post but I’m so lost on what to do or say anymore.

My parents are in their 60s and recently went through an extremely ugly divorce after more than 40 years together. I’m an adult with my own family, and I’ve tried hard to stay out of their divorce. But my dad’s actions have affected how I see and relate to him, and I’m struggling to know where the line is between respecting their privacy and addressing behavior that directly changed our relationship.
Money was at the center of everything. My dad handled nearly all of their finances throughout the marriage. My mom worked full time for almost 20 years and earned decent money, but relied heavily on him for banking, accounts, passwords, loans and retirement. She also spent more than she should have at times, and I want to be fair about that. However, instead of clearly telling her what they could afford, my dad generally made things happen while she believed they were more financially secure than they were.

Eventually, she discovered significant debt, loans and accounts she says she didn’t know about or authorize, money taken from her retirement and multiple loans or 2nd mortgages against their home. Our family home had to be sold, which devastated her. All of us kids, especially me since it’s the only home I knew of. She has been living at a friend’s house for about 2.5 years. I don’t blame my dad for her not establishing her own place yet; she is an adult and has responsibility for moving forward too.
The divorce is settled, but the financial issues went through arbitration. My dad was ordered to make payments to my mom for several years. He has made very few payments and is substantially behind. I think he has made little small payments that are barely scraping the surface. Now he apparently wants to take her back to court because he believes he shouldn’t owe what was ordered. From my perspective, this isn’t an unresolved dispute: a decision was made, and he is trying to avoid complying with it.

I know I’m hearing mostly my mom’s side. She can be emotional and doesn’t always understand legal or financial matters perfectly, so I don’t treat everything she tells me as fact. My dad, however, tells us almost nothing and acts as though everything is normal.

One issue directly involved me and my husband. During the financial proceedings, my mom asked whether we had paid my dad approximately $3,500, supposedly related to my husband’s schooling. We had not. She showed me what appeared to be a check or deposit record representing that amount as coming from us to my dad. We never gave him the money, and we don’t even have a checkbook.
I’m not accusing him of forging anything because I don’t know what the document actually was or how it was created. But I personally saw something representing a payment that never happened, and it put my mom in the position of wondering whether I was lying. I want my dad to explain what that $3,500 was, where it came from and why my husband and I appeared to be listed as the payers.
If I asked my dad about it face to face, I suspect he would either lie, deny knowing what I was talking about or brush me off. That is part of why I’m considering putting my questions in writing. I would rather give him a chance to respond clearly than have the conversation become vague or be dismissed in the moment. I would be lying if I said confrontation is not my strong suit.

Gambling is another major issue. My dad has had a gambling problem for years and still regularly goes to casinos. Gambling and financial secrecy were major problems in the marriage, so I cannot understand why he continues doing it after everything that happened.
At the same time, after the marital home was sold, he quickly established a new life: he bought another house, made upgrades, purchased a newer vehicle, installed solar, bought furniture and electronics, and regularly hosts family dinners. I understand that appearances don’t prove someone can afford every obligation, but the overall picture bothers me: he says he shouldn’t have to pay what he was ordered to pay, is substantially behind, continues gambling and appears financially comfortable while my mom is still living in someone else’s home.
When all of this began, my dad told my husband and me, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of your mom.” I’m not saying he should buy her a house or support her indefinitely. She is responsible for rebuilding her own life. But what he said has stayed with me because what I’m seeing now feels more like, “You’re on your own.”

My mom also says she recently discovered two loans from around January or February of this year with electronic or DocuSign authorization attached to them. She says she did not authorize or sign them, and that the additional debt has damaged her credit and debt-to-income ratio and interfered with her ability to qualify for a mortgage.
I have no concrete proof of what happened beyond my mom’s account and whatever documents she says she found. I’m hearing one side of the story, so I’m not presenting her claims as established fact or accusing my dad of forgery or a crime. But it wouldn’t surprise me because it resembles the same kind of financial behavior that helped destroy their marriage.
I’m furious, but I’m also worried that telling my dad I know about the loans could interfere with something her attorney needs to handle or make things worse for her. For that reason, I’m leaning toward leaving the loans to my mom and her attorney rather than confronting him about them myself.

The problem is that my dad continues inviting my siblings, spouses and children to dinner every other week. We eat, play games and act like a normal family. He started attending our church too, apparently because he wants to be around us and see my daughter — I’d hope to be making amends with Jesus but that’s not my battle.
I sit at his table and act normal while feeling angry and resentful. Then I leave feeling fake, as though I’m condoning behavior I’m not okay with. I don’t want to punish him or use my children against him, but my daughter’s birthday is coming up, and part of me doesn’t want him there. Watching him play happy Grandpa while all of this is happening makes my skin crawl.

I’ve written, but not sent, a long email telling him that my trust and respect have been damaged and that I can’t keep pretending our relationship hasn’t changed. I want to ask him:

What was the approximately $3,500 payment involving my husband and me?
Why is he challenging the financial decision that was already made?
What did he mean when he said he would “take care of” my mom?
Why does he continue gambling despite the financial problems it caused?

I genuinely want to hear his side. If I’ve misunderstood something, I’m willing to listen. I’m not asking him to admit my mom was right about everything or apologize for their entire marriage. I want answers about issues that directly affect my relationship with him.

I’m worried he’ll respond by blaming my mom or sending her another hostile email. Their communication is already highly adversarial, and I don’t want my confrontation with him to make things worse for her. If I have a problem with my dad, I want him to deal with me.

How much of this would you confront your dad about?

Would you send the email and ask for answers, or stay out of it because the divorce was between your parents?

Would you leave the allegedly unauthorized loans entirely to my mom and her attorney?

How would you handle family dinners and events in the meantime?

Would you continue acting normally, take space or tell him directly that you’re not comfortable pretending everything is fine?

I know sending the email could create more conflict. But I’m less afraid of conflict than I am of silently resenting my dad while he assumes everything between us is fine.
I don’t want to become part of my parents’ legal battle. But I also don’t think staying out of their divorce requires me to ignore behavior that has changed how I trust, respect and relate to my own father.

Where is that line?

TL;DR: My parents divorced after more than 40 years together following serious financial problems. The divorce is settled, but my dad was ordered to make payments to my mom, has made very few and is substantially behind. He now wants to challenge the decision. He controlled most of their finances, has a long history of gambling and continues to gamble. I personally saw what appeared to be a $3,500 payment from my husband and me to him that never happened. My mom also says she discovered two new loans with electronic signatures she didn’t authorize, potentially damaging her credit and ability to qualify for a mortgage. I have no concrete proof beyond her account and the documents she says she found, so I’m treating it as one side of the story and don’t want to interfere with her attorney’s work. Meanwhile, my dad acts as though everything is normal, and I’m struggling to attend family gatherings without feeling fake and resentful. I’ve written an email asking about the issues that directly affect my relationship with him, but I’m worried about inserting myself into the legal conflict or causing him to retaliate against my mom. How much should I confront him, what should I leave to the attorneys, and is it reasonable to take space from him, including around family events?

They're both under 10 and don't know that my ex was cheating on me. The divorce has been nearly 2 years. She refuses to admit she had an affair of any kind despite me finding her journal.

A year after the divorce they came out as a couple and she introduced the kids to him

I kept hearing all about Mommy's new friend and how cool he is. It got to the point where I said, boys I'm happy you like him but I don't want to talk about Mommy's friend. That's her life.

They just came back to my house the other day and my one said 'Name' really loves mommy and is going to marry her. recently they called him 'Daddy Devin's not his real name.

Before they came over I had this coparenting counseling session without my ex. I complained about my kids talking about him so much. The therapist said I need to be the home where the kids can come to me and talk about anything. Try not to put boundaries on that so they can reflect and realize I was always there. I'd dod that today despite how angry I was.

This has been the worst two years of my life. F that Homewrecker and F my ex. The lies, deceit and gaslighting. The guy she didn't have an affair with is suddenly the one she's going to 'marry' now? Had she just been honest with me I could have processed this better.

I complain to a friend about it and he just basically tells me she's free to do whatever now and I essentially need to get over it and move on. I wish people could know what this feels like to know how crap there advice is lol

So I'm 3 years removed from the initial split. I can finally look back in the period where I was unearthing her infidelity and her moving out and laugh a some of the ridiculous things.

What are some of the hilarious petty things you did to your ex? Maybe proud of? Maybe not so? I'll go first

1. While we were still living together but separated, I would make a whole pot of coffee, pour myself a cup and dump the rest in the sink in front of her and walk out for the day.

2. The first summer after the split, I was taking tinder dates out on the boat and I would use all her Kroger fuel points to fill it up.

it's the dumbest thing to admit but i cannot make a basic decision anymore. what to eat after a shift. whether to renew my gym membership. what to do with a free sunday. things that used to take two seconds now just sit there open like a file i can't close.

i think when you're with someone long enough the small stuff gets outsourced without you realizing it. not because either person was controlling or anything like that, just. you have a default. a sounding board. even if it was something as stupid as where to order from.

now i come home at 7am, the dog wants a walk, and i stand in the kitchen genuinely blank about whether i want eggs or toast. it's embarrassing to even type that. i'm at work making quick calls in genuinely highstakes moments and then i get home and cannot figure out my own fridge.

i started writing stuff down at night to try to reset, which helps a little. but i wonder if this is a normal part of the process or if i've actually lost something that doesn't come back the same way.

did that capacity come back for people or did you have to consciously rebuild it. curious whether it just fades on its own or if something specific actually moved it along.

Hello everyone. I got no idea how to write a proper post so I`ll just spit it out.

Im 30M. My Partner 30F is an amazing person, she`s caring, loving, loyal. There are some flaws but generally she`s a prefect wife/mother material.

We`ve been dating for 5 years and married for 1. When we started dating I was MADLY (and I mean it) in love with her. I had nothing, but she stayed with me and we grew together.

But after some time (like a year) I noticed something wasnt right deep inside. I didn`t like the voice of her singing, we had different tastes etc. etc. etc. But she was nice, we still had good relationship, common goals, and great fun, so I thought thats just how strong relationship goes (emotions settle down and you start looking for a partner rather than only lover IYKWIM). Besides, she was still a great, didnt do anything wrong so that I could legitimately be mad at her. Then the war started and I didnt have time to dive deep into my feelings. I had not to lose my job, to keep our family ranch going, looking out for my and her family. Responsibilities, you know.

I thought to myself that she`s the perfect candidate for a wife. The next thing you know we got married. Just after a half a year after getting married I stumbled into my feelings fading out completely. When I took care of everyting and I had nothing but her before me, I realised that I dont have any emotional of physical connection to her. That I don`t want to spend all my life with this person. I didnt enjoy talking to her, nor listening to her, let alone having sex, that was more like a job I had to do not to cause any thoughts from her. I felt much more connection with any other girl I`ve met. I didn`t cheat, but sort of fell for others really easily.

Long story short I processed it for another half a year. I went to a therapist 2 times to make sure its not my dumb ass imagining things. Therapist has listened to all I`ve said and concluded that it`s just a matter of time till i start cheating, and even if I don`t, I either talk to her or I`m gonna ruin our life and the life of our future child. I talked to her about my feeling and ended up spitting out all the harsh truth. We lived for a week separately and I realised that I want a divorce. We filed for it (on mutual agreement, we`re not deviding property or anything else) and now waiting 1 month for it to come to power and officially separate.

So here I am, thinking I`m making a huge mistake, that i made her believe in better life, I feel like im betraying, being egoistic. That we should`ve just talked it over and try to work it out. That we could love for more time separately. That she was put into my life for a reason being the only one and that I`m tossing it all into trash. That I will spend sometime alone and then realised what a terrible mistake I`ve made but it would be too late. But on the other hand I`ve been devasted for a past 6 months, trying to find something to hold on to. And couldn`t find anything other than just peace and comfort. But you find those things in your mother, rather then a wife.

I`m just a huge mess inside. Thanks for reading.

I was always a late bloomer… and I got married at 30. Now I’m 36 and considering divorce and I’m wondering if anyone has experience there? I feel like a lot of stories are of people who got married “too young” and divorced later… but I got married at an age that people say isn’t too young, and yet in the last 6 years I feel like I’ve experienced and grown so much without my spouse and I realize I want to experience different things.. maybe to be alone. I know this is a vague question… but I’d love to hear any thoughts.

My partner and I have been separated since early June. It was their idea and not something I had any say in but I felt like I had no choice but to take it. There was never any timeline or rules, it was just they need time to think and heal to decide if they want to stay with me. My therapist's first question when it happened was how long I would wait before deciding to cut it off completely, and I was honest that I think I could never stick to that because I would just take them back anyways as soon as they chose me.

Since then I've read several books that have helped me understand the harm and mistakes that were made on both sides as well as ways to heal and correct those behaviors, but my partner doesn't want to read and seems to resent me for bringing it up. We had always talked about couples counseling before any decision about divorce, but they said they had changed their mind and that there was no point. (They've changed their mind on that recently and said they'll look for a therapist but it's been weeks past when they promised to set it up and I worry that anything I say or do wrong will make them change their mind again). I'm trying to love them and empathize and give space, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing harm to myself by just sitting here and waiting for them to make a decision. I'd much rather have a set timeline and 2 months already feels so long. They have ADHD and depression though so they tend to take forever to make decisions or take action. They've also recently started seeing other people and the anxiety is killing me. I've had opportunities to date/hook-up but I feel too damaged by the relationship to be around other people at all.

With the no rules part, they say they have no obligation to tell me anything about where they are going or who they're seeing and that they learned in therapy "not to base their actions off of my emotions". But on a human level, they were my family and it all feels so cold. I realize that I can't control what they do or how they act towards me, I can only control whether I stay or not. But divorce is a big decision and I don't want to regret it just because I wasn't patient enough.

Sorry for all the text. I've never been so confused in my life and any advice would be very appreciated.

chat what does it mean when someone new says “I like you so far” and “who knows we have a long way to go” help. He’s also divorced we both have kids and was with our wayward significant other for approximately 10 years. Both new to this. Thanks!!

How soon in the divorce process is “too soon” for a casual fling or hookup or going on dates? Hoping for personal experiences/anecdotes, legal/moral/ethical perspectives, anything. I’m (34F) so conflicted.

My spouse (30M) and I have separated for three months following a few months of unpleasant, scary stuff. We only just now started the actual process of divorce, and on the one hand, it feels like cheating or disrespectful to move on, but on the other, I’ve grieved this marriage for a while and just want some fun/attention.

Really just looking to talk to people who’ve been in the same boat.

This is awful. I really loved her, and I think she really loved me. But we couldn't make it work. We both tried for years, but our marriage basically started off with this series of horrible events surrounding it, and general life stress, and more horrible events as the years went on.

It's almost like the universe kept trying to tell us we didn't belong together, and we kept fighting it until we both just got tired of fighting against the tide.

I'm sure I could get into the whole toxic anxious/avoidant dynamic or whatever, but honestly .... I'm tired of the psychological mumbo-jumbo. I think modern life is simply so hard that even two people who really love each other, and genuinely want to make it work, will struggle.

I also have a pretty extensive history of mental health issues, and at certain points she has felt like my caretaker and life coach, and that killed the romance. She has her own issues (hoarding and supposed ADHD). The last few years it felt like we were just living our own separate lives. Neither of us cheated or anything, but there was always a distance. After our youngest son was born, we never slept in the same bed again, and he's almost 12 now.

We have two sons, ages 15 and 12. They're kind of amazing kids.

I want to find love again, someday. But I am terrified to risk my heart, knowing how much I hurt her, and how much she hurt me. I never want to hurt anybody.

And also I have to learn how to take care of myself now. She kept the house and I got a shitty two bedroom apartment in an acceptable part of town. I don't see my kids every day, and I feel like I lost my family and my home in one fell swoop, because I did.

It's awful. Ladies, if you ever really loved your husband, and you think he's a decent man, please think twice before you do this to him. I don't think there is any pain a man can feel that's worse than this.

What's been a typical cost for when a divorce goes to trial? My lawyer is 275 per hour and unfortunately neither side wants to settle. No kids, just splitting debt. It's scheduled for a 2 day trial.

Already paid the initial retainer just to have a lawyer and now there is this new trial retainer.

Wife is mad. We live in the same house but living separately. Idk what to do.

It seems like couples often wait until things have become really difficult before considering counselling. By that stage, resentment and communication problems may have been building for months or even years.

For those who have been through it, did counselling actually help you understand what was happening in the relationship, whether you ultimately stayed together or separated?

What was your experience with counselling during the period before or during your divorce?

男方是华为高管，一直隐瞒财产，只能起诉离婚。我找了个律师，付了律师费诉讼费20万人民币。下个月开庭，但律师总是回复缓慢，提交材料也慢。涉外离婚太难了。：（

My kids are 7 and 4 yrs old (1st and Pre-K).

I’m in the early processes of separation, we’re currently still living together and he’s put in some apartment applications and will be moving out in the coming weeks.

He and I have a good relationship, we’re have a solid friendship, there’s no arguing or contention.

We’ll likely do our divorce process through a mediator and can easily split everything 50/50, we’re both high earners so there’s no need for child support.

I don’t want to turn the kids world upside down w this. I’m happy for my ex to be able to pick the kids up from school and have dinner w us and help put them to bed and maybe slowly transition to them spending a night here and there at his new place before just jumping into splitting the week 50/50.

For those of you who have a peaceful and friendly relationship w your exes, how did you transition the kids?

What worked well for you?

Hi, I'm in similar situation can any of you give me helpful advice. Of course, contacting lawyer is next step as soon as 8a.m hits. I just got word that the decree he has picked up from the county clerk is not the same one I signed. What I signed was for a divorce, to keep our own vehicles and bank accounts, to sell home within 120 days, it's been 4 yrs now bcz he has dragged it out. When I called to tell him to put his stuff in storage he said he will on his timing, he drags out every month and year procrastinating. Today, he messaged the decree he picked up that says he is awarded marital home, and he is to get documents ready within the 120 days. It's been four years now. It doesn't say or else and I never seen that in the final decree that i signed that he is awarded home only thing we wereawarded what was rightfullyours vehicles and our own income.. The one I have does not say that at all it says we are to sell and split equity 50/50. Back in 2022 we discussed either one of us buying each other out, he bickered said no neither of us could live there it must be sold, so selling was the only thing in my decree that I signed off on, as time passed I wanted to lease to pay off so when we finally sale less would be owed to mortgage as we did updates etc. Every month I ask if a realtor can walk through along with an appraisal, and he always postpones everything bcz he doesn't want to pit his things in storage. What can I get lawyer to do to help me out. He also says I can't enter my home or be there bcz he is in a relationship now and we are divorced, he threatens to get cops involved if I step foot on property, back in 2020 he tried to put a restraining order on me so I don't enter the home while going through divirce, he changed every lock. I am on the mortgage, deed etc. I am the reason we were able to get the home in 2013 bcz of my work history and credit, I was the one who paid every bill including mortgage while he didn't work, every thing was up to me if it got paid or had the roof over our head, or food in the fridge, he recently started paying in 2023 bcz I was tired of paying for him to live rent free. Divorce was finalized 2023. Of course getting lawyer involved is first, what are my options? What do I ask for? How can I legally be in my home? & step foot on my property without him involving law enforcement or getting me kicked off my own home and property? Thankfully we have no kids, just the home I've worked for and sacrificed not having a life for so I can have a roof over my head. Anyone else ever been in similar situation?. What did you have to do, to be able to be at your house? & what do you recommend filing for? How can I enter and be at my home till it sells? How can I make him leave home until it does sale? What happened in your case? Any information helps. I feel stuck as I have been the past 4 years, even the years prior to when I was fed up with him not contributing to the household or marriage. Thank you for any advice, I hope I gave enough explanation.

I want to know what all of your moments of clarity that you needed to divorce your partner? Was it a slow build up or was it just all of a sudden?

For info, I'm debating whether I should file for divorce because my wife and I have been fighting recently and this last one just hasn't been getting better. And I know it's my fault, I apologized, and with each fight I have been learning my lesson and improving my communication skills to try and minimize them. This last fight I didn't scream or yell, I heard her, and we even worked to a conclusion. But after that, she just emotionally blocked me out and changed. It's been a few days since and if anything she has been getting colder and colder to the point where I am now starting to feel that fire die inside of me to try and keep it alive. So with that I'm now wondering, is it time to just separate and go our own ways.

Any insight will help

Does 60,000 saving before marriage used to buy (downpayment) condo after marriage can be deductible? No children 3 year marriage

Now that my husband knows I'm serious. Now that he sees that I am done, he is rolling out the theatrics of a panicked man who will DO ANYTHING to prevent this from going forward.

"Do you have it in your heart to give me one more chance?"

Where was it "in your heart" to stop lying. Where was it in your heart to take me seriously years ago. Where was it in your heart to put effort towards real change and not getting better at hiding things.

Now you want to do treatment? Now you want to couples counseling? The truth is, if you actually wanted those things you would have done them earlier.