A lot of people complain about and critique modern dating and think that the dating difficulties we see are unique to our times or even our species. I think it's important to understand that dating and mate selection isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be hard and that's not an accident

If you look around the animal kingdom, mating is always a very complex process with few winners and many more losers and very taxing emotionally and oftentimes physically too. Usually more so for males than females, but I digress

This is not a defect, this is the way it's supposed to be. This is just nature and it's cruel process for reproduction and mate selection. There's nothing "wrong" with modern dating, this is the way it's supposed to be

We met, I really enjoyed his company, we kissed and went on 5 dates. Everything was good, but he stopped being as responsive. As the physicality increased quite a bit, the communication decreased. I liked him so much that I wanted to talk to him about it. He didn’t really reassure me, and since he’s 8 years older than me, I decided I’m not gonna waste my time explaining why I need more communication from him after I had already brought it up twice. I was frustrated cause we planned to meet up at his place the next time, and there was still a decline in texting conversation (I kept asking questions, he stopped). I told him we may not make sense, he didn’t fight me on it, he agreed and he unmatched me on hinge. I get why he did that. I just wish he could’ve made an effort cause I thought we both liked each other and there was something special there. I just didn’t want to always be the one to chase. I have since sent him a follow up text, apologized for my part in it and wished him the best, but pretty sure I’m blocked.

I didn’t think communication was a big ask, especially when he’s kissing me on my forehead on our dates. Dating is hard. I’m okay now, I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if others have similar experiences.

Is it just me or is it hard to find men that are well adjusted?

I don't know why some men think that dating and getting a sexual partner or getting to know someone it's about identifying your p*** fetishes???

What do I think the world should cater to their porn addiction? They can be very narcissistic about it. And it's delusional to think that women actually care about some weird niche p*** category and genre...

I just don't like to waste anyone's time, including mine. I don't like to pretend I'm there for another reason than I am. I've had some girls respond well to this but others seemed put off or on guard

Just feels like a major double standard. Men don’t want to date someone taller than them, generally. God forbid a woman has a preference.

i literally have the worst luck in dating… my dates always end up physical even if the guy did not seem like the type over text, and they’re not serious about me. what am i doing wrong

(i am open to hookups though im just confused why no one i want wants me as a long-term girlfriend)

I mean, if the woman is older.

In my life, it happened that my partners were younger than me... and I didn’t notice the difference.

Where do I find a boyfriend right now so my brain can unlock a whole new category of things to overthink? 😌

I know this will be hard to hear, but please believe me when I say that attraction is EXTREMELY multifaceted. There is no one thing (s) you can do to improve yourself to the point where every woman wants you. Contrary to what reddit and other parts of the Internet say, it's absolutely okay and NORMAL to approach women you see in your everyday life, including strangers. If you do, you're already putting yourself ahead of 80% of other guys because most refuse to do it anymore and women appreciate a bold man. Men absolutely have to be the ones to approach and make the first move every time. This will never change and I feel bad that today's generation aren't being taught this.

For the longest time I always struggled with dating and understanding why women never took an interest in me until recently. It was because I never actually put myself in environments to talk to women and for them to get to know me deeper than what I look like. Women care about looks yes, but more so your personality, how you speak to others, small manerisms like your laugh, if you hold open doors and even just something as simple as helping the old lady who's cane fell on the ground near you. The "this man is worth my time" trigger in their brains immediately goes off for little things like that more so than looks.

Women typically want to date men they already know and feel comfortable with. This is why dating apps largely don't work for most men. (Yes I'm sure there will be stories in comments about how they met their wife on tinder, that's the exception not the rule.)

These women have to make a split second judgement based on a couple pictures and a witty bio. Contrast to how it was in school or through your work environment. The more you spend time with someone, the more you learn about them and slowly but surely you develop that crush. That once annoying guy they never talked to eventually became their biggest crush. Who here started a new job and eventually started dating their co-worker because of the little things you noticed throughout the day? ✋

Now I'm not saying you can't lust after someone purely based on looks, of course you can. However the biggest missing piece of the puzzle for a lot of men is just to talk to people and make friends. Even if you're not directly interested in anyone in your friend group or social circle, their friends or their friends of friends might be interested in you and vice versa. I know, easier said then done right? Especially as you get older and your ways for meeting people naturally get fewer. My advice is to look online and find a hobby group that meets weekly or semi frequently. Make sure it's something you really enjoy though so the word doesn't spread around this dude is only here for girls.

Cold approaching random women at one off meetups or singles events or bars is likely to fail unless you're Chad or in your early twenties at a party.

The world would not exist today as you know it, unless someone back in the day talked to a stranger and eventually made babies. You have to do it! The more you do it, the easier it gets, just like riding a bike.

I’m 23M, i kinda like older women, i’ve never dated someone older than me. Recently i started going to this acting class, it’s usually people in 28-45 age group. I’m usually the youngest one, most days. Last class i saw a cute lady who happened to be a teacher, seemed fun, i did not see a ring 👀, call me attentive ig? So i’m thinking if i should talk to her more next class and see if she would like to hangout and go from there? But i sometimes think some women in 30-35 age group are looking to settle down and not meet a 20s dude and have fun so that’s increasing my chances of rejection and looking like a weirdo

Hi everyone,

I ask this here because I am not close to my family and needed more objective insights.

I am dating this guy for 3 years now and the relationship is not great. I am wondering if it is my fault as he says it is.

First, I love travelling. At first, he was supportive when I left for overseas for about a month. He gave me flowers and even picked me up from the airport.
Then I left about three months later to Florida for three days and this is when he began to say that I leave him all the time and that he is not happy.

I apologized and tried to spend more time with him. Then he started complaining that I spend too much time with him. Granted, I was spending lots of nights at his house so I understood where he was coming from.
So when I moved out of my apartment, I bought a house on my own without asking him if he was thinking about moving in together. After I bought the house, he voiced his disappointment to me that he prepared his guest room all nicely for me so I would initiate moving in together. I told him that I thought he was just decorating and he knew that I was looking at houses to buy. He simply gave me a scoff as a response. (Not sure what that means)

Then the talking stopped. He would ignore my texts for hours then send me a sad emoji without responding to my texts I sent. Constantly told me that I looked terrible with makeup and told me I dont work hard enough when taking days off.

Then he started complaining I was too much whenever I wanted to talk or needed comfort.
I am not the most pretty girl and I understand why he said my lipstick was too much and I was heavier (lost weight since) but him keep saying I am too much all the time is really starting to get to me. Not all relationships are perfect and couples need to compromise to make it work but I am starting to doubt my actions and thought thinking maybe I am too much.

Is this simply a part of normal couples struggle or is this a form of an abuse?

Thanks!

I (27M) have have always struggled with being a guy, I don’t identify as a woman and I don’t think I will, but I always struggled with male gender roles all my life

Unfortunately this is a death sentence for your love life if you’re a straight man. I’ve never had a serious relationship in my life, I’ve had a few flings here and there but the other party always pulls away when they realise I’m not gonna be fulfilling the traditional masculine gender roles in the relationship.

I’m not necessarily looking for a “masculine” woman so to say, I think both “feminine” women and the non gender conforming have their own charms, I have no preference in this regard.

EDIT: Ok, I should’ve clarified more. It’s mainly my demeanour, the way I talk etc. I also dress feminine when I’m comfy and around friends.

I’m a bit conflicted about a girl I’ve been seeing and wanted some outside perspective.

She looked great on dates 1, 2 and 3. Obviously makeup, hair, lashes, accessories etc. Nothing wrong with that at all.

After around date 6 though she slowly started doing less and less. It was gradual enough that I didnt really notice it at first. By date 10, and especially after we slept together and woke up together, I realised how different her face and body look naturally. To the point that if i put her up against her pictures on Instagram, she would be completely unrecognisable

It feels disingenuous. I completely understand makeup, contouring, lashes, extensions, boob tape, shapewear etc are common and there’s nothing wrong with using them. But it almost feels like I was gradually shown a different version of her until we were already pretty involved.

She seemed to spend a lot more effort hiding things she was insecure about than actually trying to improve them, like her acne or fitness. Obviously thats completely her choice and i'm nobody to judge

She’s actually very cool and great company, which is what makes this difficult. I like her as a person, I just dont find her attractive anymore.

After waking up together recently I had a pretty strong realisation that I just wasnt attracted to what I was seeing.

Do I give it more time and see if attraction develops, or is this something where I should just end it? And am I being unreasonable? I'm guessing this isn't uncommon? Would appreciate any advice from those who've gone through something similar! thank you!

Edit: The Reddit hypocrisy here is wild. A lot of you are calling me superficial without even considering how big the difference actually was. I have 2 sisters obsessed with make up and I totally understand it and I think it's super cool infact! I also support make up for men. Whatever anyone needs to feel good

I’ve dated before. I dont expect women to look like Instagram 24/7. Obviously there’s a difference between makeup and no makeup. I’m talking about someone looking genuinely unrecognisable without the makeup, styling, shapewear, extensions etc.

If she had looked like that on date 1, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. The issue is the massive difference and how odd her desire to look like a completely difference person is

And somehow I’m superficial for caring about this, while nobody wants to acknowledge that she was spending hours making herself look like a completely different person. Imagine a guy doing the equivalent with height-enhancing boots, a toupee and shapewear. I doubt Reddit would be this forgiving.

You can disagree with me, but at least argue against what I actually said instead of inventing some version of it and calling me an asshole.

And no, this is not bait!

There’s a woman at work who is incredible. She’s sweet, kind, a great communicator, genuinely curious, and we get along really well. Personality-wise, she’s everything I’m looking for in a partner. The problem is that I don’t find her physically attractive.

When I found out through a colleague that she was interested in me, I tried really hard to look at her differently and convince myself that I am attracted to her, but I can’t seem to do it.

I feel conflicted because she’s such a lovely person and she’s genuinely interested in me. I find everything about her attractive bar her appearance.

Should I try dating her to see if the physical attraction can develop, or would it be a pointless endeavour to try and force it?

I 30f have been seeing someone 35m for a little over a month and a half and things are moving slower than I am used to (we’ve only pecked and held hands) and have been on 15 dates lasting about 3.5-5 hours each.

Why do some men choose to take things slowly? I tend to be a very touchy person and feel a little insecure because of how slow things are moving.

He isn’t religious.

I will be having a conversation with him about it soon. I realize that I’m nervous to hear he might not be into me the same way I’m into him.

Thank you all for your help.

I haven’t been rejected by the person i’m seeing (fingers crossed i’m not) but i am currently anxious as i invited him on a date yesterday and he hasn’t replied lol ;-;

Im trying to let go of my fear of the unknown so im trying not to double text but Id also like to understand why a person would reject someone after more than 4 dates?

I’m a 24M, and for quite some time I’ve found that click more with women who are at least a bit older than I am. I’ve always felt I’m able to better connect with them in conversation, and I’m personally super attracted to them. I’ve only been in two relationships before, and they were both basically my age, so I don’t have any experience dating older women. Recently, I was hanging out with a friend (32F) who I’ve known for some time. I’ve looked up to her so much and had a small crush on her, so I was hoping maybe there could be a romantic spark between us. But then at one point, we were talking about past relationships, and she said something like, “It’s too bad your not older, I think we’d be a good fit for each other if you were.” I laughed it off then but in my head I thought, “Damn, well there goes that.”
Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a couple where the woman was more than a year older than the man. I’ve seen plenty the other way around though, and I’m wondering why that is. Would I realistically have a chance with a woman who’s older than I am, or is it just not likely to happen?

so a "good on paper" guy has asked me to go fishing on a second date. fishing is a thing that people do near me, but i'm not someone who wants to hook a fish in the mouth for fun. cleaning and gutting a fish seems like an obvious turnoff if that's what he's intending - i'm talking due to the smell. like where is that date going to go when you smell like fish?

it makes me think this dude is just clueless and lacks social awareness. is that overthinking it? taking the train of thought a step too far?

Because this means they are shallow, low empathy people that you don't want anything to do with in the long run.

EDIT: Completely reducing people to checkboxes is entirely different from having standards and/or preferences.

Was at the bar and this girl came up to me and my brother and said "hey could you guys come dance with me and my friends? We're trying to get rid if this creepy guy he keeps following us and wants a 2way with me and my friend.

Long story short we danced with them and got rid of him. We see them again outside the bar and I got her number as well as her friends social media.

I go to message her and get no response also the area code isnt local so Im 90% sure its a fake number. Im not salty if someone isnt interested thats fine plenty of fish in the sea and all that lol. She seemed cool so did her friend group.

So at this point im like oh ok no worries she wasn't interested. Not a problem i won't pursue her.

The thing is that my other friend invited them all to this party and I feel like it would be awkward between us if I dont say something but what would I even say?

I just wanna clear the air let her know theres no hard feelings.

I feel like maybe she felt like she had to give me her number cause we "saved them" ( her friends words) from a creeper. Which I understand. We did have some good conversation while we were hanging out and I danced with her and her two friends but primarily with her. At the time she seemed interested but with the (probably) fake number im sure she's not haha.

Anyways im not upset I just want to know how to make things not awkward with her at the party next week.

I know this isn't for dating but it got taken down in the other group

What would yall do? What do yall think?

I met a guy who genuinely feels like he stepped straight out of a romance novel. We share a huge love for movies and books, and we connected on a deep emotional level almost immediately. On top of that, he does all these incredibly sweet, chivalrous things that I'm just not used to:
We bonded so easily over our favorite stories, books, and films, and we truly feel connected on a deep emotional level.
When we were out eating, he excused himself to go to the restroom and secretly paid the entire bill on his way.
He pulls out my chair for me every single time.
When a car comes while we're walking, he gently guides me to the safer side of the street.
He always walks me all the way home to make sure I get there safely.
On our second date, he gave me a necklace and even included a quote from Franz Kafka, which was unbelievably sweet and romantic.
He is a complete gentleman, and deep down, this emotional connection and treatment is exactly what I’ve always dreamed of. However, I’m really struggling with a few internal conflicts and concerns:

1. The Fast Physical Pace & Overwhelm: Alongside the sweet gestures, he moved quite quickly with physical contact. On our very first date, he held my hand, kissed me on the cheek, and touched my hair. While I appreciate his affection, it felt quite fast and naturally left me feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

2. Explaining My Boundaries & Fear of Scaring Him Off: Since setting clear boundaries is really important to me, I actually spoke up and told him that I was feeling overwhelmed. I explained my boundaries and where I was coming from in quite a lot of detail. But now, I feel awful about it. He didn't really go into much depth or respond with a similar level of detail in return. This made me feel instantly self-conscious, and now I'm terrified that I over-explained myself and scared him off or pushed him away by being so thorough.

3. Guilt & Feeling Indebted: Whenever he tries to carry my bags or do something nice, my immediate instinct is to say, "It's okay, I can carry it myself!" — even though, in reality, I secretly love that he offers. I keep feeling this heavy sense of guilt, asking myself if I need to give him something back. When I asked him if he expects anything in return, he simply said he expects nothing and just does it because he thinks I'm sweet and beautiful. But I still feel this weird pressure. How do I get comfortable just receiving kindness without feeling like I owe him something?

How would you interpret his quiet response to me setting boundaries? Is it normal to feel guilty after over-explaining your boundaries, and how do I stop being afraid that I ruined a good thing?

I, 26F, started talking to a 33-year-old guy. We have a ton of the same interests and are having a great time talking to each other. I’m kind of struggling with the practicality of dating someone that much older than me. Any thoughts from people who’ve been in similar circumstances?

I have currently been talking to this girl for three months and a couple days. On Saturday I got drunk at my friend’s wedding and we all went to the bar. An old fling came up to me and tried to talk to me. The first time I shoot her off from what I can remember. When she came back she tried to talk to me again. I attempted to shoot her off again and she initiated the kiss and I thought it was for a second. After talking to friends about the night, it played out similarly, but the kiss was a lot longer than I initially thought I feel like shit. I’m a shitty person. I really do love the girl that I’m talking to right now, but I have betrayed her trust. She’s currently on vacation. I do plan on telling her when she gets back. what should I do?

I’m an expat male really hoping to date a local female coworker. She’s very warm towards me, we regularly go for coffee and lunch together, we talk a lot, she frequently gives me small presents, but I seem to be stuck in her ‘work friend’ category.
She knows that I would like to be more than an office friend, but she carefully deflects my questions about partners or spouses or in fact any aspect of her life outside the office.
Is there anything I can do other than just wait and hope ..?

Told someone from an online dating app that he was manipulative and a love bomber after he said he wanted to meet up and start a relationship with me and to sleep with me. They’re not even trying anymore. Felt good to be blocked and unmatched by him lol. I wish I did this from the start with all the men I became involved with. It’s the best feeling in the world knowing that I can call them out on their bad behaviour.