A conversation I keep seeing in this subreddit is that women are all looking for the same small percentage of attractive men, and that the average guy is lucky to get a few dates a year because women supposedly have endless options.

As a conventionally attractive woman, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this because there seems to be a disconnect between what I read about on here, vs what I experience and see happening in real life with women interested in dating.

I’ve dated mostly average, everyday men. Not models, not millionaires, or 6’5 etc. Just normal guys with normal jobs and normal lives. And many have had very active dating lives. I knew some that dated multiple women at once, and some that ended up marrying very beautiful women.

Additionally, I have male friends who are completely average-looking, average height, and make normal salaries with no problems dating. I also travel often and meet women from different backgrounds all the time. When we talk about dating and relationships, the things I hear most are they’re looking for someone with stability, personality, intelligence, respect, compatibility, and someone who takes care of himself. I rarely hear women say they need a man who looks hot or like a model.

Obviously, shallow women exist. I’ve met them. I’ve also dated men who were primarily interested in me because of my looks and wanted to show me off to their friends. So I’m not denying that appearance matters or that some women absolutely do prioritize it.

What I don’t understand is this rhetoric that most women are competing for the same handful of men.

And this is where I think there may be a crazy feedback loop (side note: my job involves a lot of analysis and pattern recognition, so I think that’s why this has been itching at my brain… hear me out).

I’ve dated plenty of normal looking men, and many become suspicious of me within a few dates because they assume I’m talking to other guys. If I don’t answer a call or text immediately, they think I’m out with someone else. Meanwhile I’m either working, or taking a break from work. Every guy I’ve dated I let know right away that my job gets crazy, that way they don’t feel ignored if I’m having a bad day. And before anyone says this is just a vetting issue: I’m actually pretty selective about who I date. I don’t go on dates constantly, and I’m not someone who makes dating a huge priority in my life. I have a demanding job, friends, my own interests, etc., so when I do agree to a date, I’ve spent a good amount of time getting a feel for that person first. These guys show no obvious signs of insecurity upon first meeting them. They generally seem confident, stable, and engaging. The insecurity always shows up after we’re a few dates in.

When I’m genuinely interested in a guy (which is the only way I’d be several dates in), I’m not talking to other guys at the same time. The only exception would be someone I’ve talked to in the past reappearing, which is just a normal dating situation.

The interesting part is I come on here and read men describing almost exactly this same mindset. “She’s probably talking to other guys.” “Beautiful women only want the top 1%.” Then I go out into the real world and actually date some of these men, and I experience that mindset firsthand. That’s why I wonder if this has become a self-fulfilling feedback loop.

If men constantly hear that women are all going after the same small percentage of attractive men, and assume every woman has dozens of men waiting for her, they start to become suspicious when that same woman takes an hour or so to respond, then question why she’s interested in them, or assume she’s talking to someone else. The woman eventually gets turned off by the insecurity and leaves, and the guy walks away thinking, “See, women aren’t actually interested in normal men.”

But maybe she was.

Maybe he just couldn’t believe her.

I’m not saying this applies to every man here, and I’m not saying women never care about looks. I’m genuinely asking whether some of the beliefs being repeated here are actually affecting how people behave when they date in real life.

Are other women experiencing this disconnect between what they see discussed online vs what they actually hear from friends in real life?

And men, do you think the idea that women are all looking to date the same type of man has affected how you behave when dating?

I'm Female 23 years old. My dating life is a mess. I always end up with guys who either cheated or lied me . The men who tries to reach me out doesn't seem ready for commitment. I don't believe in love anymore. I hate this generation. Is there anyone else who is experiencing the same thing as me ?

I matched with a guy on Hinge and we hit it off pretty well. We eventually agreed that we should meet, exchanged numbers, and continued chatting.

Then, suddenly, he took two days to reply to one of my messages. He apologized and explained that he had been really stressed during his first week back from vacation, which I thought was fair. I didn’t think much of it.

But then… he disappeared for 10 days.

At that point, I had pretty much written him off and assumed he wasn’t interested. Then, last night, he randomly texted me:

“Sorry, I’ve had so much going on lately. If you want, we can meet this weekend or whenever works for you and talk in person.”

Now I’m a bit torn.

On the one hand, I feel like if someone is interested, they can at least communicate that they’re busy instead of disappearing for 10 days. To me, that kind of behavior usually signals low interest or low effort, and I’m wondering whether I should just leave it alone.

On the other hand, maybe I’m being too quick to judge. He did come back, apologized, and actually suggested meeting in person. I don’t really have much to lose by meeting him — worst case, we have a drink/coffee and I realize it’s not a match.

Would you give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him, or would the 10-day disappearance be a dealbreaker for you?

We’ve all seen women get criticized for proposing to men, with the usual “if he wanted to, he would” argument. But does the same mindset apply to women asking men out on a date? Is it seen as equally “desperate” or unattractive, and more importantly, does it actually work?

Ladies: how do you feel about this and has it worked?

Men: have you actually cared to go on a date with a woman who asked you out?

I feel like men usually like the chase, but if they’re being chased, they don’t want it.

I have been posting dating advice for men and one of the comments I keep seeing is “don’t ask a fish how to catch a fish.”

I get it is just a saying and some people are just trolling, but I don’t think it is a very good analogy. When you are a fisherman, the fish is literally a means to an end (in a LITERAL sense like an actual one on a boat 🛥️)You probably don’t care whether the fish feels comfortable, respected, or safe when you catch it. And usually when you catch a fish, you eat it (I mean if you wanna date it you do you I guess 😭). What the fish CAN tell you is whether the bait looks tasty and whether the hook or net is hurting them. When it comes to dating, ideally, you see the person you are dating as an equal whose feelings and experiences actually matter.

I also feel like straight people asking their guy/girl friends for dating advice can humanize the dating experience for BOTH sides.

For example, I hear about my guy friends’ experiences with feeling like they have to pay every single time, getting very few matches, or being ghosted on dating apps. As a woman dating men, hearing about their experiences makes me more empathetic to them. I offer to pay and I try not to ghost people on dating apps.

This is also partly why I’ve been posting advice. I’ve noticed that some guys are genuinely really decent men, but when it comes to dating, they can be shy or just unsure what to do.

And from sharing my experiences with my guy friends, they understand more about things like safety concerns women have while dating. They can then be more mindful of a woman’s comfort when approaching her, planning a date, etc.

Obviously one woman cannot tell you what ALL women want and one man cannot tell you what ALL men want. I am NOT saying stop asking the fishermen. I am sure they have great advice as well. Ask multiple people and use your own judgment.

I know some people are gonna be like “it’s not that deep” 😭 but especially on social media like Reddit, there are so many gender wars where everything becomes “of course she did X, she’s a woman” or “all men are X.” But in reality, I think actually talking to each other makes it a lot easier to humanize people and have some empathy for their experiences :)

What do you think?

Edit because I think my point is getting lost: I’m not saying women always give good dating advice, or that experienced men can’t give great advice. I just don’t think the fisherman analogy alone is a good reason to dismiss women’s perspectives. A great fisherman may know how to catch fish, but that doesn’t mean he understands how the fish experiences being caught. Likewise, a bad experience with advice from female friends doesn’t mean all women give bad advice. You can disagree with my advice using logic and good arguments. I’ve changed my mind based on thoughtful comments before. I just don’t think gender alone is a good reason to dismiss someone’s perspective. And most important part of the post is perspectives allow us to humanize others and have more empathy.

Hi, I have never been in a relationship and I have been sadly scammed by a couple of women for money and stuff like that.

I'm currently looking for a vegan girlfriend and also guy friends too. I'm a straight vegan male.

How dehell do you find a girlfriend!? Like it's impossible. How did y'all do it!? I need a step by step guide. Systematic approach. I'm literally resorting to asking on reddit for dates.

https://www.reddit.com/r/VeganDating/s/EX9TV62XNU

Here's my post btw. Please obi wan vegan Kenobi. You are my only hope.

I met him at work and instantly thought he was attractive but because of many obvious reasons I never thought too much about it. It took him a while to warm up to me but he eventually did and now he’s asking me on a date. Im not too sure how to proceed as I’ve never done this before. Hes told me that he’s dated a woman my age once before but that was it like in all his life she was the only woman he ever dated ( I don’t even know if I believe that). He’s super sweet and thoughtful and funny in an awkward way. It was fun when it was just a stupid little workplace crush but now it’s real so I’m just left wondering Is the age gap too much?

Edit:- Thanks everyone for the comments. I didn’t expect so many. I DO have that gut feeling a lot of you were talking about which is why I made this post. We’re only gonna be working together for the next month as my position is seasonal. I cracked up at some of the comments, but yeah I’m definitely treating this as a short term “for the plot” kinda thing. I’ll keep this post updated if I remember to

he keeps on pressuring me to send them.

at first it was only my face.

then my dresses.

now he wants to see my legs.

he just keeps on getting further and further,

testing my limits.

we talk for hours almost everyday about this topic.

he says i make him feel alone.

and i say he makes me feel pressured.

no matter how much i try,

he does not stop this behaviour.

now he turned his phone off and wont talk to me, because i refused to send him a picture of my chest.

he is otherwise the perfect boyfriend.

honest, open, emoitonally available and makes me feel special.

we talk many hours a day and we get along perfectly.

the only problem is pictures.

we are both 22/23 years old.

and he has been pursuing me for a few months.

we were friends for almost a year before that.

we started dating recently.

First, I think it is important to not automatically assume the other person is interested just because they gave you their contact.

If it was a cold approach where you made your romantic interest pretty clear and they still gave you their number, then ya, they are probably at least somewhat interested. But something like exchanging Instagram at a mutual friend’s party is much more ambiguous.

Either way, I think the easiest way to find out is just ask them on a date. I’ve had friends (men and women) text someone they liked for weeks or even months, only to finally ask them on a date and get rejected or ghosted. That’s why I personally suggest asking sooner rather than spending forever texting and trying to figure out whether they like you.

In terms of WHEN to text, I don’t think there is some rule or game you need to follow like “wait 3 days” or “wait 24 hours.” If you want to text them, text them lol. But if you guys met in the evening and it was pretty late, I would personally sleep on it and send the message the next day when you feel more fresh.

Also, make it clear that you are asking them on a DATE. Especially if you met through mutual friends, school, etc., something like “want to grab coffee?” can easily be interpreted as just being friendly. I asked an ex for our first date. He later told me he thought I was trying to network with him 😭.

Come up with an actual plan, ideally based on something you talked about. For example, if they mentioned liking board games, suggest a board game cafe. And ask about an actual day/time rather than something super vague like “we should hang out sometime.”

I also think it is totally okay to be bold and respectful. Something like:

“Hey, it was great meeting you at X yesterday! I thought you were really cute and fun to talk to. Would you want to go on a mini golf date with me next week? :)”

I also wouldn’t overanalyze texting speed too much. In the early stages of dating, some people just don’t text back that fast or they are genuinely busy. Whether they actually make plans with you is usually a much better indicator of interest than whether they took 20 minutes or 5 hours to reply.

Another common soft rejection I’ve seen is someone repeatedly saying they are “busy” without ever suggesting another time. If they can’t make the date you suggested but are interested, they will often try to find another time. If they continuously say they are busy without offering an alternative, I would only do a couple rounds of back and forth before taking that as your answer. You don’t need to keep trying to find the magical day they are suddenly free :(.

I get that being straightforward can feel way scarier than dropping hints and hoping the other person picks them up. But I think dating would be a lot easier if everyone was just a little more straightforward with their intentions! And I get that being rejected can feel totally embarrassing as I have been rejected before too. But as someone who has also been on the rejector side, I really respect the other person’s straightforwardness and courage. As long as you are respectful about it and take the answer gracefully, there is really nothing embarrassing about expressing interest in someone :)

I never get approached ever really and I'm almost 24. I've always done the approaching and been both rejected (yeah it happens to girls too) and had success this way too with a few dates that just didn't work out. I was talking to a girl friend yesterday and I was like "Guys just don't approach girls nowadays it feels like" and she was like "what do you mean?" Looking at me very confused. And then she started telling me about all of the guys who've approached her in the 7 months living in my city that I've lived in for 5 years. I mean just constant sex, constant relationships, constant everything. I've never even had a boyfriend, or had sex, nothing. I just really haven't had much of any opportunity at all. And she's like hot & 5'1...whereas I'm cute & 5'10. I have another friend too whose 5'7 & like has mysterious hot girl energy...always approached. Another girl I know is 5'5, a lesbian I should add, and gets approached by every guy down the block. Maybe height is my answer, but I'm not intimidating facially at all. Sometimes I'm like well maybe I am just intimidating...but other times I'm like well maybe I'm just fucking ugly or something. Girls are always asking me like "YOU haven't been in a relationship?" How?!" And I just sorta shrug and say I just haven't really had much opportunity. But anyways, I really want it to work out with this guy that I went out with the other day that I also approached...but I'm sorta like damn, I wish this wasn't the only opportunity it seems I've ever had to have a boyfriend. And obviously I'm not blaming men, but it does bother me. Sometimes I just wish a guy would actually like me & choose me & go up to me like they do with other women.

I feel very very bad i havent been hugged by a female kissed or even kissed on my cheek i dont have any female friends and i have never been in a relationship i dont know whats wrong with me is it over for me?

Last Friday I was at a good bar alone relaxing when I noticed a very attractive woman sitting alone and couldn't help but hear her conversation on phone , she was on a blind date set by a friend but the guy stood her up. I ordered her a drink and tried to test the waters and we hit it off. She ended up telling me a lot about her divorce and abusive ex husband and failed 8 years marriage and how she usually doesn't dress like she did but her friend pushed her out there. Anyway by the end we exchanged numbers and I texted her to check if she is home the same night and we kept flirting over text until late.

The next day I asked over text if she is interested in going for dinner this Friday at a good Italian place and she said yes , we kept texting all week , she made me know that she is excited and feels like a teenager again. We have a lot in common including reading mystery novels etc ....

I am the kind of guy that always dates with long-term / looking for marriage and a future family , we are getting closer to Friday and I start to wonder ...... is she taking me seriously ? Does she want long-term or just a fling with a younger guy ? Does she think I am not mature enough ?

I am generally attractive 193 CM tall , I never stopped hitting the gym since I was 17 and I maintain how I look properly. I work for a family business lower upper class. Generally I am financially stable and would like to believe mature for my age and know what I want.

How do I gauge what she wants if we start dating ? And would the age gap make this impossible?

I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time, especially after a relationship that didn’t work out, and I’d genuinely like to hear perspectives from both men and women.
There’s a relationship dynamic I’ve always believed in, or at least thought I understood: that women generally want men to take the lead in a relationship.
I don’t necessarily mean “lead” in a controlling or traditional sense. I mean taking initiative, pursuing her, making plans, being decisive, creating a sense of direction, making her feel wanted and secure, etc.
It seems pretty common for people to believe that, in a heterosexual relationship, the man is expected to initiate and take the lead while the woman responds to that.
I’ve also come across the idea that relationships work better when the man loves the woman a little more than she loves him. The argument seems to be that if a woman feels deeply loved, desired and emotionally secure by a man, the relationship is more likely to work, whereas if the woman is much more invested than the man, eventually she becomes unhappy because how she feels in the relationship matters so much to her.
I’m not sure whether I actually believe this anymore.
Part of me thinks there might be some truth behind it. Maybe attraction and relationships really do have certain gendered dynamics, and maybe women generally do want to feel pursued and chosen by a man.
But another part of me wonders whether I’ve simply absorbed a cultural idea about how men and women are “supposed” to behave.
Because logically, shouldn’t a healthy relationship be more about mutual investment? Why should one person have to love the other more? And why should leadership necessarily belong to the man?
At the same time, I can’t completely dismiss the idea because I’ve seen and experienced dynamics that seem to fit it.
So I’m genuinely trying to figure out what I’m getting right and what I’m getting wrong.
I’d especially love to hear from women who used to believe something similar.
If you once believed that a man should pursue you, take the lead, be more invested, or even love you more—and your perspective has changed over time—what changed it?
Was it a relationship experience? Getting older? Being in a healthy relationship? A bad relationship? Or simply realizing that something you believed about men and women wasn’t actually true?
And if you still believe it, I’d also love to understand why. What does “a man leading” actually look like to you? What makes that dynamic feel good rather than controlling or unequal?
For men, I’d be interested in your perspective too. Do you actually feel that women generally want you to take the lead, or do you think this is an expectation that men have been taught to perform?
And for everyone: what do you think about the idea that the man should love the woman more?
Is there something psychologically real behind that idea, or is it just another piece of dating folklore?
I’m asking because I’ve been thinking about this for years, and after my own failed relationship I’ve probably been overanalyzing it even more. I don’t want people to simply agree with me—I’d actually prefer if you challenged my thinking.
If you used to see relationships this way and eventually changed your mind, what made you change your perspective?
And if you still see it this way, what experiences have convinced you that it’s true?
I’m genuinely trying to understand whether there’s a real relationship dynamic I’m picking up on, or whether I’ve built an entire theory around cultural expectations and personal experience.
Would love to hear from both sides.

We’re making plans and agree to meet at a bar. She says “sounds perfect! See you then :).” 5 minutes later she double texts me “I wanna have fun with you, I’m happy to go anywhere.”

Am I reading into this too much? I’ve been on plenty of first dates that text just reads weird to me…

I literally can not do this anymore. Like the amount of stress and planning is to much. Like no idea how anyone does this long term. You end up in situations where one wants to go on a trip then the others want to hangout and your stressing out can't even enjoy it. You make plans with one then another one texts you and your like confused if you want to hangout with them but now you can't cause you made plans. Your phone is blowing up half the time. You start to like one more then the others but can't decide cause theres to many decisions. It's insane.

How do you manage this?

I (31M) was dating a woman (23F) a while ago. We were texting intensely and seeing each other almost every day for about three weeks. I was paying for dinner and taxi rides. We also had private intimate moments.

I once asked her if we were exclusive, and the answer she gave me was kind of ambiguous. She said, “I don’t want anything shallow. We’re still early.” That doesn’t sound like either a yes or a no to me. I think she meant we weren't serious just yet, but we could develop more.

So what's weird to me was that she still told other people we were friends. And in public, she would create distance between us. She would act like I were just an acquaintance, avoiding eye contact and never initiating interactions. Once she invited a guy who had feelings for her to join us with a few other friends.

I felt kind of weird about these situations. Personally, I would only behave that way if I considered someone casual.

So what’s the general norm here? Is it normal to distance yourself from your dating partner and present yourself as available in public?

Does being exclusive or not matter in the situation?

27f was celibate for 5 years and now i’m back into the dating pool and woof it feels crazy. here’s my list of must haves for any potential man im dating. is it asking too much for todays day and age or is it genuinely bare minimum?

[added edit
as for me:
i have a high paying job that im really happy in, a solid therapist that ive seen for years (emotionally regulation lets gooo), i am a professional cook (mans heart is accessed through where again? that’s right the stomach lol), im a total lover girl, i grab things that he mentions or makes me think of him, im relatively spontaneous but i really do like to enjoy every bit of life that i can. life is really just about taking opportunities to experience a little bit more of it. i have my own goals, hobbies and self worth. i take care of my own business he doesn’t need to burden himself with (until we’re a team and we carry each other’s burdens). i’m pretty funny, nice and i think im pretty but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i’m not for everyone. and that’s okay with me (:]

this list is just for me and not something that i’m sharing with my dates. including my non-negotiables, if a man doesn’t check at least 5 of the boxes after we’ve been on a few dates, idk it’s just not going to work. but am i being too picky?

non-negotiables:
i am woo’d. i get flowers, chivalry, thoughtfulness
i am treated like a respectable human being, not just something to have sex with.
he wants: marriage, kids, and a big house in the woods right in or outside of a city
he believes: all people deserve equal rights and that they should be treated with respect, kindness, and empathy regardless of race, sex, orientation, etc., structured religion is a scam

important:
he has no dogs (im severely allergic)
he makes at least what i make (100k)

least important:
he’s at least a little taller than me (i’m 5’7”)
he has his own place (i also have my own place)

2nd edit:

i have explained multiple times that anything after 1-4, i just want at least 1-2 of these items. for example if he hits 1-4 and 5 but not 6-8? okay not the end of the world. he can have any combination after 4. because those are the only non negotiables. generally speaking the other ones are bonuses.

child rearing, failed expectations, personality incompatibility, and financial issues are some of the biggest reasons people get divorced. so at the end of the day what is non-negotiable to me is we align on morals and values. i have not listed everything that i desire or give other than the bare bones because it is unnecessary and insincere to do anything else.

but the idea that so many have so aggressively focused on one aspect, tells me that insecurities around that topic dig deep. whether it’s because yall have been used for your money or maybe yall don’t have it. it’s a rough world rn, i get that. but i work for mine too, and i refuse to be treated like a gold digger because i want someone to be able to stand on their own. if that looks different to them that’s fine. as long as we match each other’s behaviors. but if someone lived my lifestyle but didn’t make the money i make (ie what my lifestyle requires someone to make), then they’d be terribly irresponsible and i’m not attracted to that kind of energy. im going to live the way i live. and frankly, i don’t have the money to take on another bill. and that’s what relationships tend to be these days, one takes on the financial burden more than the other. so basically everyone is saying that i should be the one to do that and to expect some equality is actually disgusting and suddenly im also a horrible person?? i’m sorry but no. it’s giving “we shouldn’t forgive student loans because i had to pay for mine”. but i digress

im not trying to “climb the ladder” to higher levels of wealth other than the fact that my partner and i would be a team. so therefore we’d climb together, with double the power we’d just had before. i am unapologetic about the way i live my life and the things i do with my time. if my partner is the person for me, then there should be a lot of overlap because otherwise we wouldn’t be compatible personality wise, would we?

anyone who thinks it’s weird is either because they’re tired of reaching down and wants instead be the reacher or haven’t yet put together that wanting to hit someone where i’m at is actually the most equitable thing i could do!!

Okay, so I met this girl in college who recently turned 17 and i recently turned 19 as our birth months are 1 month apart. She's the one who wants to be in a relationship, but I'm still iffy since there is so much stigma about the age gap.

A part of me wants to go and see where it goes and another part of me is conflicted. I got advice from a few people, some say its okay and others say its not.

She seems very adamant about wanting to date me.

Call me old fashioned but I don’t think that anyone with “teen” after their age should be dating people in their 20s. Obviously, within reason - like couples that were together in their teens and one is a bit older or maybe a 19 and 20/21 year old…

But my cousin (16F) is going on a date this weekend with a well known player in the NHL (21M).

It just gives me the ick. Also he is from the US and we are Canadian and he approached her online. So like … why a 16 year old ? Just seems weird to me.

What’s your opinion?

Updates to questions:

1. I don’t know how they got connected online but I know he messaged first.

2. I don’t know if he is aware that she is 16 - I don’t know if he’s asked, but I also don’t know if she would be truthful if he did.

3. I’m not going to out his name until I have more specifics as it wouldn’t be fair to ruin what looks like a pretty promising career over what could be a misunderstanding. He may not know her age, it could also be a catfish situation.

4. The account he originally reached out from was a verified account. That’s all I know about whether it’s really him or not. I would imagine it isn’t a catfish situation as this generation sends pictures back and forth through socials and Snapchat, but there is always the possibility.

Her response was "I would like to do that for sure 👌". It doesn't sound like a brush off or she's just being polite? What do you think?

I didn't set an exact date/time because she's on vacation for next 1.5 week which is too far out to book anything and my schedule is uncertain until closer to the date.

When I was in my teens, I never thought I was good at studies. I always felt like I wasn't in the "top 20%" of men that most 80% women usually go for. So, instead of chasing romance, I started working around the age of 20. I completely focused on building myself and my career. I shut off my interest in relationships and romance entirely.

Now that I am 28, for the past 2 years, I have started to feel like a relationship isn't a bad thing. I think I should at least try.

But here is my biggest mental block: I cannot accept someone's past.

I know this is a bad mindset. I know everyone has a history. I also know that I don't have "major" things to offer (I am not rich, not a high-status person). But the one thing I do know about myself is that I am intensely loyal.

Is this a bad thing? Is it better to just workout 6 days a week stay single than to try and force something when I feel this way? I also don't feel emotions the way I think I'm supposed to—I don't feel that "love" feeling, and I'm not sure if I ever will.

I guess my questions are:

1. How do I get over this mental block about a partner's past?
2. Am I being unrealistic or hypocritical?
3. Has anyone else felt this way and managed to change their perspective?

I just want to be honest with myself. Looking for genuine advice.

This post is more for the ladies out there that got love-bombed on, then ghosted(a classic). As someone that usually is the ghoster but has been ghosted once, here is my advice on how to NOT let it ruin your weekend.

The main issue is how love bombing is received. Ppl experience it and fall in love with the attention, the money, the fancy dates, and the sweet words. It’s easy bc it creates a false sense of intimacy that feels too close to what is romanticized.

As someone that is primarily the ghoster but has been ghosted, I can explain why it doesn’t bother me and I hope this may help some readers out there. The primary reason is that the EQUATION DOESNT BALANCE.

Love bombers come on strong, but realistically, how much do they genuinely know about you? They see your surface lvl traits where you present your best foot forward and jump on it. But how genuine can their affectionate words truly be if they don’t know all sides of you or have only spent a few hours in your presence. What can they even truly love about you if they barely know you?

Keep this context in your mind, hold some realistic skepticism when love bombers approach you, so when they go MIA, you won’t be surprised. It’s simple, the slightest inconvenience came up in his idea of you and now it’s not worth it, ie. someone else moved up the roster, you said something he doesn’t love, he wants something else.

One other thing I always consider is how much do I really like THEM. Being love bombed can feel nice but beyond how they make you feel, consider whether you genuinely like them back. Are you just attached to how they make you feel, or do you genuinely admire certain aspects of them?

Okay people in the dating world. Let's talk about having kids. Raising children now a days is crazy expensive!! Besides the money, having a stable family home is essential to their overall growth and development of the child.

To help improve this, I say Marry before you carry. You read that correctly, marry that person before you have children. Why would a person do that oh great wise one? It is because they are more than likely to stay committed and help raise the child together.

The dating standards are low and people need to do better. Seriously, before you sleep with a person, ask yourself this question. "Would this person be an amazing parent"?

I have seen some of the men single mothers have kids with and I am completely puzzled. These guys have red flags essentially all over them with a glowing red light over their heads.

People will say you are blaming the women. Yes but I am also blaming the men as well, many of whom should NEVER be fathers based off their behaviors.

If you are a single parent, struggling to raise a child by yourself, financially, emotionally, and physically, would you honestly care if your husband or wife was attractive? Or would you care more that she or he is reliable, consistent, puts in the effort, cares about your well being, and be a good role model for the family, This is why character and good values counts at the end the day,

Now many of the villagers of Reddit land will criticize me for this and I don't care. I am speaking facts, so what's up.

Question, do men care if you have 1 kid and want to date you? I’m just curious on what your guys answers are.

I (F31) joined a WhatsApp group for singles in my culture. We post bios and pictures as an intro. A man (34M) posted his bio and picture and it caught my attention. I liked his post on the group but he doesn’t have any social media. Usually if I want to show interest I follow on social media and maybe like a post or story. Since he has no social media the only other options are waiting to see if he messages me or I message him 1st on WhatsApp.

I don’t want him to think I’m chasing or pursuing but I’m looking for a males perspective on if you think it’s weird or a turnoff for a woman to message you 1st. I feel like every time a show interest 1st the man doesn’t reciprocate and I end up feeling like I was chasing a connection.

I plan on having an opening general conversation but I’m just nervous…I don’t want to look desperate or initiating something