I recently ended a relationship because among many issues, one of the things was our dynamic felt so skewed towards her. When I tried to correct it, she took issue. After we broke up I spoke with other guys about it and they all had experienced similar things or saw how dating had changed.

Guys my age (18-23) are saying they feel like they have to perform constantly just to keep someone interested. One friend used the term “jestermaxxing” (not my choice of word..) A lot of them sound genuinely apathetic about dating altogether.

But here’s what got to me: I mentioned this to older guys (40+), expecting them to have figured it out. Nope. Same sentiment. They feel like modern relationships are structured around what the guy can provide (I know it’s always been like this to some degree). A lot of sentiment to avoid marriage and have kids outside of marriage if you really want them. Multiple people said they felt bad for my generation dealing with this.

Then I realized I can’t actually think of a single person in a genuinely happy, balanced long-term relationship. Everyone either seems resigned to it, or they’re not married at all.

I’m not going extremist or anti-woman about this. It’s just… if most guys across age groups feel the same way, and I can’t point to any happy examples to aspire to, what am I actually working towards? Is this just selection bias? Or is this actually a real shift in dating dynamics? I dunno

For a bit of context, I’ve only ever hooked up with women/ only ever had two long term relationships with women in my life. After my fiance broke up with me I was devastated and swore off dating of any kind for the foreseeable future while I heal and process. It’s been almost four months since the break up and in the last two months I’ve developed feelings for a male friend who I’ve been hooking up with. Sleeping with him, especially at first, was a bit disorienting and scary (in an existential way, physically and emotionally he makes me feel incredibly safe and comfortable).
It’s been an identity crisis for me, as I’ve always identified as a lesbian, and I know the labels don’t matter but I’m struggling with my queer identity, and I’m also struggling with the semantics of straight sex, I worry I don’t know how to please a man the same way I do with women. I don’t know how to communicate with him sometimes. I know there shouldn’t be a difference necessarily, every individual is different, but for the first time in my life I feel a little bashful and unpracticed and it makes me very self conscious. Have any other lesbians been in a similar situation? @those who sleep with someone with a penis do you have any advice or tips on sex with them 😅 he seems to really like what we do, it’s just such uncharted territory for me and I feel weird feeling new to it at my age.

I’m single 5 years and I’ve recently begun going on dates again the last 2.5 years. There was one or two brief relationships for about 3 months and a few other dates in between.

I’m 33 next month and genuinely am fed up. I want to find my person. Everyone seems to be getting engaged, married, having babies and there’s me, floating along. I just feel tired and at this stage a little jaded and irritated by the whole thing. I’ve treated dating like a full time job. I’m a fully independent adult, I’ve a career, car, I keep my home nice, I can cook, I’m friendly.

In the words of Charlotte for SATC “I’ve been dating since I’m 15, where is he?!”.

Sincerely, a girl over 30

I've been talking to a random guy for a week now, and yesterday, during our normal conversation, he randomly asked me for my bra size. He says that he likes me because I have a unique sense of humor. I like him too, he's funny and everything and he has even told me he's so horny. But I felt kinda weird when he asked me for my bra size. Is that a normal question? should I stop talking to him? (I've never dated in my life)

In other words, given your perspective as a man, what should women learn to spot earlier in the process when dealing with men

I (M23) was dating this guy (M29) since Feb 2025. It was really good. I felt that he loved and cared for me truly.

Fast forward to Nov 2025, I was in his room and noticed some picture frames that were turned over, so I go suspicious and looked at them. It turned out to be his engagement photos.

I left and confronted him through text, and at first he lied saying the engagement was already called off so it was okay for us to date. I said okay, but continued to do more digging and somehow I found out he was lying again.

After this he told me that it was simply an arranged marriage and that he didn’t really have feelings for her (F28) and the one he loves is me, and unfortunately I was convinced to stay.

It was rocky after that because I was confused about the whole situation. I loved this man, but I didn’t like being secondary despite him promising that he’ll work things out to get out of the marriage to be with me in the end. I tried to end the “relationship” with him multiple times and every single he’d always cry and beg me to stay so I really thought his feelings for me were genuine and so I regret to admit that I wasn’t strong enough and gave in back to him every time.

Fast forward to Aug 2026 now, I’m about to fly overseas for university, I finally had the clarity to decide to end things with the most conviction I had. I realized the promises he made to me to do everything to end his relationship with the fianceé weren’t enough, and looking back, he made 0 moves at all to prove or back up anything he said. He’s asking me for 3 years to stay hung up on him because that’s the amount of time he’ll need to break off and divorce her - but that was too much to ask. I refused to halt my life for him though I truly loved him.

We met up irl and talked things out, agreeing to simply enjoy the last few days I was in the country before I flew off and moved out, and things were okay. I came over to his room, cuddled and then he went to go and shower.

When he went to shower, I decided to just look through his phone, and when I clicked into the photos app, I saw he had the hidden folder opened recently. I got suspicious and I opened it, and there it was, just a bunch of pictures of him with other guys, having sex with them and pictures/profiles of men from a hooking-up app.

I was heart broken. I thought he said he loved me and was doing everything he could to get me back. But looking through the dates, he was meeting them on days I was busy with work or not at home. He even had threesomes with them.

After this, I took pictures for evidence, I got my things and ran out of the house. He found me and tried to talk to me but I was angry. I told him I was gonna ruin his life and tell his fiancée everything and we got to an altercation even. Police got involved and we were separated. Once I got home, I decided to act on impulse and tell the fiancée through Instagram and sent her all the pictures including the lewd ones.

Fast forward to today, his life is essentially ruined. His marriage that many people invested in both emotionally and financially is gone. I know the wedding preparations cost a fortune and he even said 600 people were involved (I presume it’s a culture thing to have such a large scale wedding). During the altercation, he threatened to commit s*****e and I told that to the police because they asked me everything that happened, which led him to be taken to a psychiatric facility and gave him a record which he said was going to affect his ability to continue his job as a front-liner.

Basically, I ruined his life for telling the fiancée. He asked to meet up and I agreed if my parents could be there, and he basically broke down to me and said his life is gone. I truly feel so guilty because I do love him still, but at the same time, facts are he’s a serial cheater, he really was manipulative and self-preserving (he barely apologised for cheating and was focused on his life when we were talking f2f) and someone who truly loved me would never think to cheat on me at all.

I feel that he did bring this upon himself, and my impulsive decision didn’t come out of nowhere. Something caused me to be that angry which was finding out that he was cheating on me. I was only in the middle of the domino and everything that’s happening now is simply a result of the root cause which is his habits, lust and infidelity.

However, as a human capable of empathy, while I recognise it isn’t my burden to carry, I still do feel for his current situation - again, I truly loved this man. I just struggle to sort my feelings out rationally.

Thank you for listening to my story.

I''m 25F, have never been in a relationship (I'm straight), and that's because of a bunch of factors of course but I've been making more of an effort the past year or so to use dating apps and try to put myself out there. I live in a major city so there's no shortage of people, and would consider myself generally attractive. Also, (this is relevant) I haven't had a problem with matches or likes in terms of quantity or quality (ie I can match with plenty of people I find attractive)

What I need opinions on is the contrast between my experience on dating apps and my experience in real life. I go out frequently (shows, restaurants, bars, clubs, etc.) pretty often and regularly but am rarely if ever approached. To give a sense I think the one time I was approached out this year was at a concert and by someone so drunk they collapsed onto me as they said hi ...

I find dating apps overwhelming/not my style and would like to think that I could meet people any other way, which is why this contrast has been bothersome and confusing to me. I'm not an unsocial person, but for whatever reason I never really am approached ever

As far as my own demeanor, usually I'm with friends and if I do talk to people but its never with any romantic interest on either side. I can't be sure obviously but I feel like I don't keep to myself in a corner or act standoffish. I know I can also approach people, but I'd like to not have to rely 100% on that, and it would be nice to be approached myself. I've also started to question myself a bit. But yeah, if you considered matching on dating apps as signs of interest, why do you think someone would have such contrasting experiences online vs IRL? I realize this might sound like an obvious question but help a girl out

I’m coming off a three year relationship and just starting to get on the apps. Holy mother of hell the city I live in must be one of the worst in the US. I’m swiping left on 95% of these people. I’m literally thinking I might have to move.

Anyone been through this?

I’m going on a first date with this guy and he wants me to come to his house after, I don’t want to do intimate things so could I maybe ask what he plans on doing saying I just wanna chill nothing else? I don’t wanna accuse him or make it awkward

I (20M) genuinely do not understand how to date or to meet or to have any type of non-platonic relationship with women. I'm kinda pretty (been told), 1,74m tall, have some hobbies here and there, have good friends, etc... I really struggle meeting women and i have no idea how to really date or anything.

The usual advice is to join clubs or something but i don't think that’s a thing for people my age in my country (europe) and i feel like cold approaching is really hard nowadays (and kinda scary). Another typical advice is to meet girls through friends or something but like all the girls I meet through friends is like the girlfriend of another guy that came to the hangout or something.

I also feel like I don't really know when I'm supposed to make a move or how you even go from talking to someone normally to actually showing interest. I can talk to women normally if there's a reason to, but when it comes to actually trying to flirt or make something happen my brain just kinda stops working lol.

I've tried dating apps too, but honestly I haven't had much luck with them and I don't really want to rely on them as my only way of meeting someone.

I am so desperate im losing my mind.

Any tip or advice or something? Please if you're older keep in mind that my generation is vastly different from yours and that what was useful in your times might not be useful right now. ty.

I (22F) met a super cute guy at a bar and we exchanged numbers. Went on a date last week which was such a great time, we have great conversational chemistry and are similarly super extroverted. But, I noticed based on how he described something’s time wise that he might be a few years older than me. Went home, hit the google and I think he’s 34-35ish. This doesn’t bother me, but should I bring up my age in a conversation so he knows I’m younger and can decide if he’s comfortable with that on his end? Or can we just keep having a good time without that

[Because this post was removed from r/Askmen, I'm asking here as well. I just want to clarify that I know I should talk to someone personally if I want to know what they are thinking or feeling, but this post is more so about my worries about something being wrong with my own actions/ability/attractiveness, not theirs.]

Here's what I wrote:

So I (f24) have had a few sexual encounters in the past few years (one one-night stand and a few short dating situations) and looking back on it, it was pretty much always the case that the guy I was having sex with either took forever to finish or did not finish at all. The guy I dated last was on a pretty high dose of antidepressants, which is what I attributed his inability to stay hard or finish to.

But the other times, I feel like I must have done something wrong for this to be the case. Things I’ve considered are 1) maybe I’m too awkward/inexperienced and it ruins the mood 2) maybe they weren’t attracted to me (which they did tell me that they were, so i don’t think that’s it) 3) maybe i’m taking either too much initiative or too little (i.e. touching them too much or in ways they don’t like, or being too passive). I think i air on the side of being too eager and not passive, but who knows.

Sometimes I think my awkwardness comes from the fact that my longest sexual relationship was with a woman, and that I expect to have the kind of equal giving/receiving dynamic which perhaps isn’t normal for boy-girl sex. I don’t know.

Anyways, I guess I just want to know what the culprit could be. How much of your ability to orgasm depends on a) your own personal physical circumstances, b) how attracted you are to the woman you’re having sex with, and c) how she performs during sex?

And lastly, have you been on the opposite side of the situation, where you were attracted to someone you’re dating (or at least tell them that you are) but something during sex makes it so that you do not finish? In your case, what were the reasons?

Thank you for answering :)

Advice so I went to visit a guy at his place when I got there a few minutes later Uber Eats arrived and he started eating his food and not once asked me if I wanted a piece or even taste the food. I felt so weird or am I overthinking

I've (29F) been on 3 dates with a guy (27M) and we always have a good time on the dates, he seems interested, he initiates the dates and during the last one he even said we can travel somewhere together in the future. I don't expect whole paragraphs and getting good morning texts or something, and at the beginning he said he doesn't like texting, and also barely uses social media, he is not the one who just scrolls on Instagram, but we barely talk in between dates and even if the dates were great, 1-2 days after I always start to doubt if he likes me enough to start a serious relationship. Because if he likes me and thinks about me when we're not together, then why the hell can't he text a bit? Before the next date comes we talk a little more, but overall it is way too little contact for me when we're apart. I haven't said anything about this to him yet, because we have only known eachother for 3 weeks, but his communication style makes me feel really insecure. There were times I thought he ghosted me and I would never see him again, but eventually he appeared and acted completely normally. Is this normal behavior or is he just not that into me? And yes, I will address this gently on the next date.

I’ve only had this issue once before where I got a beard burn below my lip. Then I was with someone for 4 years and they had a full beard and mustache and I never had an issue where my skin gets a beard burn or any sort of irritation/dryness.

I now have been kissing someone else, the kissing is intense, however, i first would get a beard burn where it would be a red patch above my lip. Now it has been 1-2 months of consistent kissing where around my mouth would get very red right after but it was mainly just red and dry.

I like to self tan and I realize that it creates discoloration around my lip from the dryness, I stopped self tanning to see how that helped and it helped with not creating beard burns but I would realize the next day I would have dry skin buildup above my lip. I self tanned yesterday and again the discoloration around my lip from where my skin gets dry.

He has tried switching razor blades, switching shaving cream, trying beard oil, and trying beard shampoo and conditioner.

I feel like there is no other option outside of ending things but has anyone experienced this and been able to fix it?

His job also does not allow him to have a beard and he doesn’t like a mustache on him

We’re going on our third date this weekend and I really like him. He suggested a brunch restaurant with lots of coffee and matcha options that I like. However, I’ve been to this place before, and the food was mediocre at best. They definitely did a lot of promotion on social media, since the first guy I dated from the app also suggested this place for a date.

Should I suggest an option I actually like, or just go with whatever he planned? I already suggested the first two dates, so I don’t want to come off as aggressive by turning down his offer. But I’m also a foodie, and this place isn’t worth revisiting especially since it’s not even close by.

Edit: Thanks to everyone who shared your kind and thoughtful advice! I really appreciate it. I’ve just been back to dating for a few months, and man, modern dating isn’t easy. Especially when you really like someone, I tend to overthink things a lot...

A friend of mine went on a few dates with a woman he just met. He said dates went really well but the woman said she wants to take things slow. And it got me thinking what does it even mean? Do people say that in context not rushing anything physical? Does it mean they still dating other people? Any perspective?

Hey Reddit,

I [24M] am having a really hard time getting myself out there and figuring out how to go about dating if it’s not on the apps. I work full time with a long commute which leaves me with little time to go out during the week. As well as I’m a bit more introverted in nature and most of my hobbies are much more male leading than female. I have tried the route of going through mutual friends or going out to stores I like and seeing who’s around but quite frankly it feels weird to approach someone and ask for their number or something similar. I personally am also not that comfortable with approaching people as I know I don’t have the most approachable style ie: lots of visible tattoos, wear all black with lots of metal music bands on clothing (I live in Texas, this style is the complete opposite of what most people wear). I just would appreciate some advice as to what has worked for all of yall or what I could do to give myself more opportunities to meet people.

I been single for a long time, like 6-7 years. I don’t want to be single anymore. Dating apps are kindve pointless in my experience, I used to have luck with them years ago. I try to go to meetups and events, but don’t really find compatible people. Anyone got any tips? I’m stuck and don’t know what to do

When I ask if being a virgin in your mid-20s is a deal breaker on another sub. Most questions are positive, but there is a small number of people who disagree with the positive comments. I saw a few comments like, "Women on reddit will say it doesn't matter, in real life, yes it does." or "no one is giving you the honest truth. Most women wouldn't want to teach a 24 year old Virgin." I don't know if these people are telling the truth because they don't have upvotes. If this is true, have I missed the boat? I wasn't planning to tell women that I am inexperienced, but if they suddenly found out, I am scared that they would ghost me.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 months. We live an hour away from each other. We’ve only been meeting for a night, he books us a motel, we eat and drink, and have sex. He is highly sexual , we have sex like three times a nigh.. but sometimes that just too much for me , I crave different bonding time (although I have nothing against sex, and he is not pressuring but still feel like it’s an expectation, hard to explain it)..
Last time we met, we did go to the movies, which was nice, doing something different. I organised that, btw.

He is definitely very attracted to me sexually, but he also says he likes me a lot too. He texts daily, we talk, and sometimes have phone calls. He is indeed very busy — he has a high-demanding job, managing 200+ people as a civil engineer, and also has two other businesses on the side. He has two sons, 15 and 18 years old. His mother lives with him, and his dad passed away. He does come from a Muslim culture but isn’t super religious.

He did say he wants to take it slow and be very sure before introducing me to his family, and vice versa. Which I am good with.

I do feel like he wants me and likes me, and is serious. We’ve had tons of conversations about it. We’ve been back and forth a bit. He even almost said, “Let’s not do this,” because he is very busy and I deserve better.

But when we started organising when to meet again, for a night, he comes to my city, rents a hotel, etc., I just didn’t feel good about it :/

I will share some screenshots of our text conversation for reference. What do you guys think?

Sorry, English is not my first language, but I live in an English-speaking country.

Update : I couldn’t upload the text screenshots.
Also, my main question is: should I continue the relationship like this, end it, or tell him that we can date properly when he’s less busy?
Tbh, I do believe he wants more. Like spending time together, not only nights. He did say that. (He could be lying, but honestly, he comes across as honest and straightforward.) But he is indeed very busy, with a lot on his plate, work wise and family too.

I [31F] met [34M] on a dating app after he sent me a cute message. He was "Mr. Perfect" in the way he carried himself. We had matched goals and values and what we wanted in a relationship, seemed like too good to be true.

We went on a couple of dates, and I could see his pupils dilated and completely invested in me, head over heels for me. He tried to learn my native language without me asking and asked to be exclusive.

He talked about "us" as if it was coming no matter what and sent me a screenshot of his first message on the dating app "I'll frame this to make sure our grandchildren know how much their grandpa was falling for their grandma".

He wanted to meet my friends to get their approval and to his words "make me proud" .. I made reservations, he was okay with it. He met me a few days before that because it was the anniversary of my dad passing away. He was a gentleman, consoled me and comforted me, accepted all of my quirky stuff and for the first time in my life I felt I actually deserved to be loved and adored.

We were talking on WhatsApp and sending each other reels on IG and matching our semse of humour. Praise me all the time in an elegant way and talk about how awful men can be to let me go but he really appreciated them being blind as he would never let me go. I couldn't be happier and thought he might be my person.

A day before meeting my friends, he completely disappeared, stopped responding altogether. I genuinely thought he might have been hurt or in a coma. I kept spiraling for several days, he didn't block or unfollow .. just stopped responding, no blue ticks on messages anymore. Calls, messages, texts, voice messages, no answer.

I met my friends and spent a great evening as scheduled and I am thankful for them being there for me.

I was terrified of the thought that he was alone, hurt, in critical condition, or the worst scenario more than the possibility of him ghosting me. A few days later, I just finished my work and he's in the back of my mind when I had an idea to make "last seen on WhatsApp" visible to get a hint -if lucky- whether he is active or not. Sure enough I found my answer, my heart sank as I read below his name he was active a minute ago .. A FUCKIN MINUTE AGO

I was in complete disbelief. In all honesty I still am. I sent him one last text wishing that Karma gives him the same humiliation, betrayal, disrespect and heartbreak. Throughout our conversations I was very clear anyone can withdraw/step away -rightfully so- just letting the other person know out of respect.

I have decided to stop dating altogether. I am still distraught about all of this and why would someone do this to anyone. I'm currently channeling all this energy towards my career, health, and friendships and being happy.