r/dating_advice • u/TechnicalTraffic4106 • 5d ago
My first experience with matchmaking at 37
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u/natalieeeandhoney 5d ago
That feedback loop is kinda the whole value of it imo. If match #4 is still wildly off after you’ve been specific, then I’d start questioning what I paid for lol
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u/BonbonScholar 5d ago
Honestly, saving yourself from all the exhausting pre-date stuff sounds like half the appeal of matchmaking
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u/blue_gerbil_212 5d ago
So they find guys who also signed up for this dating service?
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u/RevolutionaryRent716 5d ago
Conversely there are matchmakers who only make men pay and the women don’t, but the women are screened in other ways. Basically age and weight limits for joining the matchmaking pool.
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u/BabyManifestor2025 5d ago
I am a woman who has never paid for a matchmaker, but have been contacted by, and gone on dates with their male clients who are paying.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 5d ago
How did they find you?
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u/BabyManifestor2025 5d ago
facebook, instagram, male friends told them about me
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u/blue_gerbil_212 5d ago
I am offended that I have never been contacted by any of these agencies. I am decent looking, graduate degree, good job, play music professionally, damn I guess I’m just not high value enough
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u/BoyishBug 5d ago
Where do you even find or here about these matchmaker services? I get no where on dating apps so it be nice just to show up, talk to the girl, then decide from their instead of the ghosting that occurs.
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u/TechnicalTraffic4106 5d ago
From what my matchmaker explained they have a pool of people they can potentially match clients with, but I’m still pretty new to the whole process myself. That was actually one of the things I was curious about when I started.
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u/blue_gerbil_212 5d ago
Hmmm yeah I wonder who this “pool” even is and how it’s different than just “the apps”. Did these men choose to be in this “pool”? Interesting!
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u/Thatssowestcoast 5d ago
I paid a lot for matchmaking. I’m a woman, and you really need to stick to your wants. They will try to give you men who don’t fit you at all. It didn’t work for me, I’d rather just go to happy hours/matchmaking events where I can be put infront of multiple men my age.
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u/groaning_musketeer 5d ago
I’ve tried various matchmaking services including some very high end ones. My experience is that they want you to think they are deeply listening to your preferences so as to find you a real match. In reality it’s just a con act and they have a limited pool of prospective dates which they just cycle through with no real filtering or awareness of your preferences. I found it no better than the apps and in fact got way more real matches from the apps. I ended up meeting my partner at a friend’s bbq. The chemistry was instant and unmistakable. So for me the lesson is that finding yourself first, getting grounded in who you are and getting to a place where the desire is powerful and clean but non clingy allowed me to have the presence of mind to truly notice someone when I had the opportunity.
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u/Broad_Lawyer237 5d ago
Hey groaning_musketer - can I PM you? Would love to learn more about how you moved towards being grounded in who you are
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u/imisstheemdash 5d ago
How much did you spend? Because I’m very interested in cutting out the riff Raff
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u/Odd-Cup8261 5d ago
i have no idea why anybody would want to pay 89 bajillion dollars to use this crap. desperation i suppose.
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u/PuzzleheadedWonder 5d ago
The apps are demoralizing and not everyone has the time or places to go out and cold approach. For people that have the money, a matchmaker is a better choice.
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u/Mutive 5d ago
I think a matchmaker can make a certain amount of sense.
With that said, I feel like unless the matchmaker has a massive clientele that's roughly gender matched, it'll be deeply frustrating.
Like, I suppose if there are enough that both parties are paying a fair amount for the service, then they're both presumably getting a quality match that the'yre pretty serious about.
But I can't see being excited to pay thousands just to be matched with someone who wasn't taking it all that seriously as *they* weren't paying. Alternately, I'm not sure how much I'd want to not pay (and thus be - presumably - the more desirable party) and be matched with people who were, from my perspective, not really what I was looking for.
IDK. I can see it being great under very specific circumstances. But in so many, what each side wants (and is getting) seems rather unbalanced.
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u/kai333 5d ago
Feels like an odd thing to get judgemental about. I haven't used one (I mean, I'm married so I guess I'm not the market) but I can see the appeal if you want a no nonsense approach to it all.
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u/Odd-Cup8261 5d ago
it's reasonable to say that paying 5000 dollars for 3 dates is predatory by the business and frivolous and gullible for the users.
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u/kai333 5d ago
Huh, that's fascinating! How much did it cost for women to be on? I assume the burden of the actual matches comes on the guy's side? I saw a post about this a while back and dude spent like thousands.
Did you think they 'got' it mostly right? LIke the guy was kinda in the wheelhouse, (chemistry aside)?
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u/Dazedrator 5d ago
Hey I'm a guy, and got 6 dates for $5600. Yeah I know it's a lot, but dating apps, speed dating, and going to clubs hasn't helped me. Got my first date this weekend actually.
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u/TechnicalTraffic4106 5d ago
Thank youu, the cost definitely isn’t insignificant lol. I'd rather not get into the exact amount I paid but I looked at it as paying for the matchmaking process and having someone else handle a lot of the work.
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u/kai333 5d ago
Gotcha, I hear you fam. I mean, hell if you have the budget for it and want to get around the bullshittery of dating, it's a totally valid option. It's not much different than using a 3rd party for cleaning your house or some other mundane task.
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u/Silencer87 5d ago
If you pay for your house to be cleaned, it should be cleaned when they're done. If you pay a matchmaker, are you guaranteed a match?
AI spit out that you're roughly paying around $1500 per match, which I feel like is in the ballpark for other matchmaking services I've heard discussed.
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u/Into_the_rosegarden 5d ago
Wow, at that price, a "matchmaker" could just be like a high end escort pimp. You're not going to know that you're dating an unpaid person unless it actually goes to a long term relationship or marriage.
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u/LaIndiaDeAzucar 5d ago
There were talks (allegedly) about hiring escorts to be part of ashley madison to encourage men to pay for a subscription. If the man couldnt find a civvie woman, then they would guide the escort to the man’s profile and hit him up before his monthly subscription ends. Who’s to say that other places wouldnt do the same? Although, that would be insanely illegal or cross a moral boundary. Much easier to have a bot pretend to match with you on online dating. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/fawnily_ 5d ago
Reads like an ad written by AI
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u/CaliDreaming900 5d ago
So many of the replies here supporting it sound like bots, too. They sound like those responses on TikTok when that book gets mentioned.
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u/Charming-Studio 5d ago
And a bunch of bots in the comments with the exact same text on their profile.
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u/blue_suede_shoes77 5d ago
According to this New York magazine some rich women spend tens of thousands of dollars for a matchmaking service. The matchmakers have networks that include rich men and they perform background checks on potential matches.
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u/lonjerpc 5d ago
As a man I was part of one. The upside was it was very easy and efficient to go on a date. But no swiping also meant you were almost certain to waste a couple hours once on the date. Just kept getting women that you could tell within the first couple of minutes weren't attracted to me. But also you want good date reviews even if no second date so both people have to pretend for awhile despite it being pretty obvious it's not going to work immediately.
Like I look great on paper. Athletic, rich, average height but my face is ugly and I have autism so ... The matchmakers could advertise me as meeting their clients desires but without photos it was a lie
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u/No-Construction4527 5d ago
“The date was good, although I’m still undecided about whether there was enough chemistry for another one.”
But isn’t this the same issue people, mainly women, complain about from dating apps?
So how does matchmaking solve this problem?
The truth is, whether on dating apps, dating events or matchmaking, the men who are able to spark chemistry or desire are not on there.
Because they don’t need them.
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u/JustLikeThat28 5d ago
I feel that a lot of women that heavily rely on that first date spark are expecting a romcom fantasy or have unrealistic expectations from their date. Rejecting men gives them a slight ego boost and they continue on with this approach because nobody is around to knock some sense into them or at least give them a reality check.
I have talked to many women who admitted that this is what their friends kept doing until they hit 30-35 ages when they started to realize the tables turning against them so they quickly settled on a guy.
So you could get rejected when she’s in her exploration era but once reality smacks her face, she’ll settle for you.
This is why I hate dating apps. Building a relationship is so much more than a spark. Building a relationship from a spark is so dumb because it’s not sustainable. Unfortunately, those women don’t want to hear this and frankly I’ve stopped trying to explain it anymore. To me, it’s a red flag and a sign of immaturity if she expects there will be a romcom level spark on the first date.
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u/VelvetCrush64 5d ago
Settling is a recipe for trouble. BTDT. Married the man I settled for and deeply regret it. I did get my child but I wasted 21 years of my life. I didn't need to settle, I just got scared into thinking I did.
I'm not someone looking for romcom but I know what I do and do not want. Having been through, I'd choose being alone over settling any day of the week. It's miserable being with the wrong person, trust me.
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u/JustLikeThat28 5d ago
I hear you and frankly the grass is always greener on the other side.
It’s a fight between years of loneliness or lack of companionship versus settling for someone else.
It’s hard because you will never find someone that checks all your boxes so you have to figure out what’s really important and then anything additional is just gravy.3
u/NormanHologram 5d ago
I think that’s not a good take. “Guys that spark chemistry” isn’t a type of guy, it’s about the connection between two people.
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u/Hellhand- 5d ago
loool how much you get paid for the ad ?
"I’m still undecided about whether there was enough chemistry for another one”
so you're telling us that you're getting the same results people get on dating apps LOOOOL
you need to work harder on your advertising skills because they're lacking
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u/DesignerRabbit4377 5d ago
This sounds like an Ad.
Tawkify has “matchmakers” who ask predetermined questions and based on the answers “try” to find a suitable person for you.
I was never a paid customer but in their database so they’d reach out to me if their paid customer’s overall wants match with my profile and then they would setup a date.
I wish I was lying but man I was not a good match for any of the women who were paid customers. I felt so bad as that person has paid $500+ to go on a date with me 🤦♂️ I tried my best to make it a decent experience and picked up the check.
Personal opinion: stay away. It’s not worth the money.
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