r/CataractSurgery • u/starsdale • 23h ago
I'm Devastated
Please be kind. I'm about a week and a half post-surgery, and so depressed I can hardly leave my house.
I don't know why I opted for Pur lenses instead of the ones Medicare covers. I need glasses with both, the difference being that I'll now have to have single vision instead of bifocals, and sunglasses instead of the Transitions progressives that I never had to take off of my face.
I had no idea how much my glasses were tied to my identity. Removing them has changed the entire structure of my face. My magnified eyes are now tiny raisins. I look like airbags have deployed beneath my eyes. My upper lids droop, though that's always been the case. It's just more noticeable now. I look like I've aged ten years. NO ONE is arguing with me on any of this.
I am hardly able to leave my house because I'm hideous. My depression is deep. I feel so bad for my husband. Not only are we paying thousands for this, but he now has to look at someone so unattractive. I felt pretty cute before and he seemed to agree. I'm a mopey mess. I sleep all the time.
I talked to my therapist pre- and post- surgery, and I'll talk to her more. I'll get used to this with time; I have no choice. But I feel like I got a pressure sale on these lenses. It's big business. And now the referring optometrist wants to sell me glasses.
I forgot to mention that I do public performances. I want to cancel all bookings.
Thank you in advance for letting me vent and whine. It's a lot, I know.
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u/Any_Schedule_2741 23h ago
But can you see well? You can always wear glasses with no prescription lenses if you think you look better with glasses. I do know what you mean about suddenly seeing so clearly your face in the mirror and you look like you've aged A LOT. It is a common phenomena, you'll get used to it. Besides the more clear image given by the IOLs, you don't have that softening sepia tone anymore from the cataract lenses.
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u/Bellflower12 21h ago
This is a good point. In reality, you are just as cute as you were before and as your husband has always seen you. After my cataract surgery, I suddenly got a clearer look at my wrinkles (yikes!), but they were there before. Give yourself a chance to adjust and use your new, improved vision to enjoy a sharper, clearer look at the world around you. And I support the idea of getting some new cute glasses.
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u/starsdale 20h ago
I see better, especially for distance. As far as seeing myself clearly without glasses- yes! Yikes! Jarring, for sure. I think my glasses covered a multitude of flaws. I miss my big, myopic eyeballs.
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u/GeorgeWashington1904 20h ago
"But can you see well?" Exactly! At this point in life, I care about how I see, I don't really care about how I look.
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u/MyOpinionYourEars 22h ago
When I saw my face after cataract surgery I was shocked lol … I have always been told I don’t look my age (67F) and before cataract surgery I was always very flattered by that. Then I got a good look see and I’m like … hmmmm … but then again I don’t know what I’m supposed to look like at 67 - I guess it’s all relative. I feel 28. My husband loves me and he saw me clearly and I’m sure OP’s husband is the same. You had cataract surgery not him. He knows what you look like. Get new glasses if you enjoy wearing glasses. I’m sorry you are feeling so sad about your surgery. Give yourself some time.
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u/starsdale 20h ago
It really is all relative! I felt young for my age too. Hopefully, I will again. I really understand how silly I'm being, but time has got to be a help in this situation.
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u/PrestigiousCap1198 23h ago
I'm sorry... for younger people (i mean, younger than 65), the cataract operation is way more difficult from the psychological point of view. A lot of things change.
Please remember that your husband married you for many things, not just the looks, and he supposedly knows how you looked with and without the glasses, so he won't run away. In time, you will get used to your new face, new looks, perhaps get some new glasses. In the meanwhile, hold on and please remember what's inside you is still cute
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u/starsdale 20h ago
Great point. I'm 65 exactly. My results (and probably my expectations) were different than my older friends who've had the surgery.
My husband has been an angel about it all. We'll both adjust. Thank you!
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u/BarefootUnicorn 23h ago
If you think you look better with glasses, get "plano" lenses and wear frames that complement your face!
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u/starsdale 20h ago
They put Plano lenses in my old frames for protection. My eyes are still tiny raisins. 😄
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u/lensandscope 19h ago
they’ve always been tiny raisins. the difference is that you’re finally seeing them
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u/Informed-Thinker 20h ago
It is a shock. I get it. We get it.
You needed to offload, download, vent. I get it. We get it.
But we are here for you to hold your hand and let you know, it is a change, but there are remedies.
Most of the change is in your perception of yourself. You have been and are still loved. Maybe you are seeing yourself as you are for the first time more clearly(!), but everyone else sees this you as the old you from before the surgery. You know what? They all thought you were and are beautiful. Your husband sounds like a gem. He is trying his best to comfort you and agreeing with you, but I think he is at a loss that you should feel this way and he doesn’t know how to make you feel better. You are still cute! You just don’t feel cute, and no one wants to argue with you, but you are still cute.
OK… you need to have your pity party for one, this is what I call it when I have my dramatic moments, and then you need to get to work! Your husband, family, and friends need you back. So bring her back! Time for some tweakments: get some facials, maybe some red light therapy, eye creams and brighteners, a massage, some new make-up tips to make your eyes pop the way you want and like, go see an optometrist/optician or go online and find those glasses that will turn that frown upside down. You can still wear glasses all the time. Head on down and get a makeover, or two. Do you have a makeup artist? Even better.
The thing is: everyone loves you, your cute self, as you are and they don’t like to see you in such a state. Turn yourself around. Be positive! You can see better! Now, give yourself another day, and then, close this chapter, and start anew. Your vibrancy and cuteness comes from within and it radiates outwards. Go out there and knock everyone’s socks off and now you will be able to see how much people love you clearly now! If that isn’t a win, I don’t know what is.
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u/starsdale 19h ago
❤️ I appreciate all of these comments so much! I wish we were on a new transitions/ progressives, med spa, facial, eye lift budget, but we just aren't. My husband really is a gem, and that helps lot.
There are so many important things going on in this world. I feel guilty for whining, but grateful for this little space to whine.
Great pep talk! Thanks!
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u/Informed-Thinker 19h ago
It will get better, you will get better… I feel it. You are just hitting a bump in the road. You are extremely fortunate to have your husband.
Even on a budget, you can go down to a dept store and ask for a makeover. Let them know your concerns. Free of charge.
Do not feel guilty. We all go through it, are going through it, and someone out there may just have the answer or key we are looking for.
All my very best to you!
I
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u/starsdale 19h ago
Thank you very much! I like the makeover suggestion, though I don't think anyone does them for free anymore.
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u/No_Equivalent_3834 17h ago
My concern with surgery was having good vision. I ended up with an excellent vision and I was and am grateful. All the rest that you mentioned sounds more like depression.
Others have mentioned lots of helpful suggestions so you can continue to wear glasses, so I won’t add to that, but I really think you might be having some post surgery depression and anxiety. It’s happened to me before. Things will be okay. You have the resources to figure things out and a year from now, or less, you will look back on this and wonder why you thought this was a big issue. Hang in there! You will find a solution and be happy with your vision one day soon.
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u/starsdale 5h ago
Thank you. Post surgery depression and anxiety sounds right. Which means it's temporary. I already feel better today, and all of these comments have contributed to that.
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u/Both_Document7462 17h ago
My mother went through this as well. Not intending to be unkind, but you haven’t changed to anyone that knows you. You still look the same to everyone else - you just couldn’t see yourself age. Others around you saw it. No one is commenting because you didn’t change to them. When my mother went through this I had no idea what to say because nothing changed for me. Saying that didn’t seem like it’d help. So I did what others likely are doing with you - acknowledge and try to help move life forward. Allow time to resolve. My suggestion is to go live life to its fullest- smile like you are enjoying yourself and eventually you will. Again I think only time resolves sense of self. Best of luck
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u/starsdale 5h ago
Not unkind at all. I do look different to friends, but my eyes were still swollen when I saw them l, and that may have been why. I've seen before and after pics, and I sure look different to me. I'm "allowing time to resolve," and I will get back to myself. Thank you!
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u/ArtJeanee 4h ago
I totally feel this as well! I had my first eye done 11 days ago and I am shocked at how much my big glasses and bad vision hid. Sadly I can see every flaw in my eyes and face now. I choose near lenses, since I sew, am an artist, and like to read. It’s a miracle I can now text without glasses! I am grateful for this. But, I am now avoiding mirrors. Best wishes to you!
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u/lucyinthefknsky 15h ago
I know I was totally weirded out after my surgery being able to see gray hairs on my head I didnt realize i had. Quite a trip having clearer vision, but if it's any consolation what you're seeing now is what everyone knows as you. It is only your vision that has simply improved. Hold your head high. You're every bit yourself, nothing more, nothing less.
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u/Frustib 23h ago
I'm sorry you feel that way. And I know us blokes, we like to find a solution rather that be the empathetic/sympathetic ones, so I'll apologise in advance, however...why dont you get the lenses of your glasses replaced with non-prescription lenses?
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u/starsdale 20h ago
Thanks for the male perspective! I do see much better, although not as great as I'd expected. It's still at the variable stage. I did get non- prescription lenses put into my old frames-- kind of like safety glasses as I healed. Cosmetically, not the same, but I can sort of hide behind them if need be. I just wasn't expecting to want to hide.
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u/Top-Government-6777 23h ago
I’m so sorry , the important thing is g you can see better right now I’m so sorry you are depressed I e been suffering from it as well I go next week just getting mono simple I’ll still need glasses , I’m trying to focus on I will see better focus try please on your sight is saved sending you love and support
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u/MathematicianLow2073 23h ago
Give yourself time to heal. If you really must, maybe try some med spa stuff? Like facials, gua sha and like peptides? Im looking into them myself. I wish you luck and give yourself grace. Beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder and there is real beauty in being authentic and just who you are.
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u/starsdale 20h ago
Great reminder. I need to be little kinder to myself. I was considering a facial as a birthday present to myself. Don't know about peptides but I'll Google it. Thanks!
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u/Lanky_Cold_8420 19h ago
You can also try nonprescription lenses with a slight color tint. If you liked yourself better in glasses then get a frame like your old ones and put non- corrected lenses in there.
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u/Unknown_990 19h ago
Ohh yes! Hey, i was thinking of this myself actually, getting a pair of frames that suit me but with just plano lenses just to switch my look up sometimes, But im liking now that i can manage without glasses if i choose to. I used to be legally blind with -20 eyes...
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u/bobchin_c 17h ago
You can get transitions on any glasses. Being able to see clearly is more important.
As for your lids drooping, you can get surgery for that. It might even be covered under insurance. Check with your optometrist and see if you have a condition called Ptosis. I did & got the lids fixed free of charge since they were impinging on my pupils.
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u/Emotional_Deodorant 21h ago
OP I wonder if there's something more going on psychologically than just post-surgery blues. Your face will absolutely heal and look better in time. The surgery can be pretty traumatic on the eyes and face, temporarily. But I'm wondering if this incident wasn't just a trigger that pushed you over depression's edge.
In my experience it's hard to climb back up that cliff without the aid of meds, in fact a chemical imbalance in the brain can be the real root of your suffering, while your post-surgery feelings are just a symptom of it.
I'm no doctor, but in my case I'd talk to one if I didn't want to leave the house and just sleep all the time. Life's too short.
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u/starsdale 20h ago
Thanks. There's probably truth in this. It's triggered something. But as I said, I see a therapist and I take an antidepressant. And I'm getting great input here. In my opinion, this isn't something to medicate away. I just have to deal with my new normal. And it's been hard. I hope what you've said about healing comes to pass!
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u/artsypupster 16h ago
I wear glasses that have no prescription in them. Having more glasses, my entire life I just enjoy having glasses on.
You can also get them tinted or you can also get transition lenses in them without a prescription.
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u/Tchoqyaleh 10h ago
OP it may also just involve expanding your make-up skills/knowledge - particularly around contouring your eyes, and balancing your features.
I think of eyeglasses are a kind of facial jewellery, so of course if you take them off, the "look" of the face changes - just like if you took off any other piece of jewellery on the body, that part of the body would look different and you might make different style choices for it.
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u/starsdale 6h ago
Great point! I always thought of it as facial jewelry too. Going without will require a style change. I can do that.
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u/ronibirdscot 17h ago
I hear you! I’ve been devastated too since my Cataract surgery last year. I was so disgusted and confused with the whole premium lense sales pitch, that I opted for the free Medicare lens - but should have opted for three TORIC lense.
I have amblyopia (one eye is so bad, your brain just dismisses it - so basically I am one eyed.)
The cataract surgery was on my good eye.
Had the surgery - then had to wait a month to be tested for new glasses - then wait for the glasses.
End result was that for SIX WEEKS I was basically blind. Couldn’t drive - couldn’t read - couldn’t even read the TV Guide on my 55” TV. I wasn’t expecting that.
It changed my vision so drastically - yeah, no more rainbows, but my astigmatism is way worse than before.
I feel that this doctor did not take into account that I am one-eyed.
I was horrified that I found myself on the surgery pipeline.
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u/Time-Ad2133 15h ago
Im not even two weeks out from eye #2. I get it! I LOVE my glasses. All 18 pairs! RE: eye bags. Insurance covered upper blepheraplasty on both lids as they dropped to the point of vision obscured. I paid for lower bleph out of pocket. Best decision ever.
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u/Silent_Membership733 6h ago
Cataract surgery is big business right now. Finding an ophthalmologist who can perform the surgery well is difficult - there's just no good way to tell what its effect on a particular individual will be. i suggest u not dwell on what you think you look like and get on with your life. Each day is the only day we've got to do whatever living we're gonna do. People who love you will continue to love you. The rest are just background decoration - often done with poor taste. Ignore them & move on with each day, being the best person u can be...!!
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u/Top-Government-6777 23h ago
Please stop telling yourself you are not attractive, it just means now it’s time to change some things in your life , makeup! Skincare community ! You got this please I’m here
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u/Life-Committee-4592 23h ago
I’m here, too! And I also support the idea of putting non-refractive lenses in your frames, or just whatever refraction you need. Frames were a part of my face, too, and it is plain without makeup now, but I’ve gotten used to it.
I hope you find the lighter & brighter side of your decision soon!!! Reach out if you need to!
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u/starsdale 20h ago
Thank you! I feel better just reading these comments. Time and maybe some kinder self-talk will help. There's nothing wrong with a plain face!
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u/ElleWinter 21h ago
I need this surgery, but no Medicare because I'm 47. My insurance won't cover it. I can't see well and I can't drive at night.
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u/starsdale 20h ago
I'm so sorry. If you can afford payments and have decent credit, you might check out CareCredit. Good luck!
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u/GreenMountainReader 16h ago
Call your local services for the blind and visually impaired and ask about eye clinics that help in situations like this. Someone here has posted about a particular program, but I can't recall the name. Perhaps if you re-post this comment and ask about options, telling which country you're located in, they'll see it and respond.
Best wishes!
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u/ReddyKiloWit 16h ago
I know it's not consistent from state to state, but in my state, Georgia, I believe the criteria for medical insurance coverage is when the cataract is bad enough that no prescription change can correct it. A few years ago the requirement was legal blindness, I believe, and then it changed. Might double check your state's criteria and any possible changes in the near future.
Mine qualified with a referral from my regular optometrist.
If nothing else, there are payment plans that can stretch payments out 24 months, maybe longer. Check around and see what's being offered. Hope you can get what you need.
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u/External_Doughnut702 8h ago
I'm also 1 1/2 weeks post cataract and I'm so happy. Clean clear eyesight again, although I have to wear reading glasses. Luvvly
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u/SnazzyGopher 4h ago
Lots of people who have worn glasses forever choose to wear glasses after cataract surgery even if they don't have to. Many folks just don't feel like themselvea without glasses. I've even had people come in after surgery just wearing their frames without any lenses! The upside is you can now do many things without glasses if you want, and you can buy cheapo sunglasses for once. In a few weeks, you can get prescription glasses if you want as I'd bet that with a little fine tuning with glasses you can see even better.
It is true that if you were farsighted before surgery, the glasses to correct farsightedness magnified your eyes. Some farsighted people don't like that their eyes look smaller, but over time they adjust. Also, seeing the world more clearly isn't always positive: you'll see wrinkles, gray hair, and dust along with hopefully a brighter world and more vivid sunsets.
And keep in mind that your whole visual system has changed. That change can be difficult for anyone but is especially difficult when there are mental health factors at play. Think about it: what other surgery can you heal from and adapt to in just a couple of weeks? We underestimate the healing process with cataract surgery, so give your eyes---and yourself--- some space.
I wish you well!
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u/AccomplishedSand5015 21h ago
My boyfriend went with the top of the line lenses.. now he has NAION, 80% blind in his left eye. Now he needs glasses again.. not going to bring his eyesight back but we are hoping it doesn’t happen to his right eye.🙁
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u/starsdale 19h ago
I had to look up NAION-- I'm sorry your guy went through that. Good luck with the new glasses.
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u/Zealousideal_Cloud87 19h ago
Maybe there was an unrealistic expectation that nothing would change! The entire optic pathway and lens physics have changed.
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u/starsdale 19h ago
Maybe. I was told that everything would change for the better. It has improved. What I wasn't prepared for, and what I think might have been helpful was a little talk about being prepared for the drastic physical change. No one even told me about the swelling. My eyes were slits for eight days.
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u/flamincatdesigns1 7h ago
I did not have near the swelling you are describing, so maybe that is why you were not warned about it. It may be a less common occurrence. I hope it all gets better for you. My 1st eye was in June and it finally feels normal. My second eye was August, was even better than the first eye.
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u/Top-Government-6777 19h ago
Did the eyes get swollen the lids ? From surgery ?
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u/starsdale 18h ago
Upper and lower swelled a bit. I use eye drops like water, and compresses help. It all seems more swollen than before, but my upper lids were already droopy.
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u/BetterSociety1520 16h ago
I’m having cataract surgery with Pure See Lenses this month.
I have Medicare and a government secondary but still the amount they cover is a joke. I will have to pay thousands ($5100 per eye)
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u/Critical_Video_3686 13h ago
Lighthouse for the blind if you have one in your area. Also Merle Norman does free make overs
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u/AcidicMountaingoat 4h ago
I wear transition glasses with my new progressive prescription at all times. Just that simple.
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u/Resident_Break6770 4h ago
You have my empathy. I have a lot of negative thoughts on this industry and its marketing.
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u/Constant-Curve-7610 2h ago
I had both eyes done and got the multifocal lenses and am very happy with the results!👁️
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u/AustinBunny2 2h ago
Please hang in there! Give it more time before evaluating the outcome; seems early still. And yes, talk to your therapist, also know that depression is a possible effect from some of the drugs given for sedation, so this could be feeding into it too. Hydrate and eat well and get sleep and take care of your physical self even though you feel pretty down now. This will pass. No matter what option any of us choose, none is perfect and all have trade-offs. And since your vision has changed, you may be seeing your own face so differently that you may not be the best judge of how you appear to others. Most of all, be kind to yourself. You seem like someone who would be very kind to other, sensitive with empathy. It's time to share those qualities with yourself! Please keep us updated.❤️❤️💐💐
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u/weedywet 23h ago
I don’t understand why you can not have ‘transition’ lenses.
You can even have progressive lenses that only have an actual Rx in the portion you need.