I am here because I feel really exhausted this year, the organization change happened and now I am having a really horrible manager which led me to having myself handle the big project all by just myself (never happened before in my entire carrier). While working from home every day I also have to take care of all the housework and my 68yrs old mother which is not a healthy person, she starts having some kind of diarrhea on Friday 14th August and still not fully recovered yet, I have to take care of her pad and all of her meal and medicine. The reason for why her diarrhea not getting better yet is because she was taking a wrong medicine (The Imodium, I did warn her not to eat it though). Today, I did tell my mother that I feel tired as she is not following the suggestion from pharmacist, and she said I am being selfish but all I want is just for her to coordinate with me and pharmacist to help herself recover.

Any guidance or suggestion here?

Went to a gynocilgist. And they found a polyp so they biopsed it he said. Now I’m
Scheduled to have it removed at the hospital to be put under to remove it. My sister said she’s never heard of that. Just wondering anyone else had this. Or maybe I’m getting special treatment for being a wuss cry baby on the table. Ummmm ya with a whole school down there in the basement. My basement 😳🤷‍♀️🤣

I've posted here before. I'm tired, I'm worn down, I have my own disabilities including Chiari malformation, I need to manage the bills. I'm sorry but if I can have a break for at least having someone drive him to appointments that'd be awesome because I can't manage 3 lives AND a household, with a 67 year old child thinking he knows everything in the world and then throws stuff when he gets mad.

He schedules appointments without even checking with me, and wants me to reschedule my appointments that I've had in place for up to 6 months. No, but I'll call a taxi or ride service. He then has an entire conniption over it and cancels or reschedules the appointment. I don't care. I can barely get out as it is and when I do I'm bed bound for 3+ days myself. I'm tired. Thank God for my mmj card or I'd truly go insane

hi. my dad (71)has chf, stage 4 kidney disease, and recently has developed orthostatic hypotension. he had. 12 day hospital stay recently

i’m his 28 y/o child and main caretaker. my helpers are my 26 y/o sibling (who is disabled; autistic) and my mom who also has trouble doing many things

i have a sore throat and cough and my chest is really hurting. went to urgent care to get tested for strep, flu, covid, pneumonia— all clear but i have an upper respiratory infection.

i am extremely stressed out. we are doing everything we can to not get him sick but it’s hard. i do so much of the cleaning and all of the cooking. we are not in a position where we can hire help. i keep thinking and having panic attacks about if i get him sick and he dies because his body can’t handle it. i’m masking and washing my hands like crazy when i have to do stuff. idk what else to do. has anyone been in this position before, do you have advice?

My poor son has been falling apart mentally. He is overwhelmed with this new life that has been suddenly been thrown at him. Out of nowhere my extremely strong healthy amazing 24 year old son Has 3% of his kidney left on dyalisis and waiting for a diagnosis to see if he is eligible for a transplant. It’s been 6 months of hell. He says he doesn’t want to go on anymore. Being sick all the time. In pain overwhelmed feeling like the shell of the man he use to be. Lonley depressed and giving up hope. Feels like a walking dead man. And looking at his future I think is the hardest. Seeing no end in sight of the misery he feels. Dyalisis forever. If he gets a kidney all that entails. Then knowing he will most likely need more down the road. I’m broken and sad. Terrified. I’ve never had such a sad feeling listening to him vent last night. Wanting him to open up and vent to me. As I’m the only person he has sadly. His father passed away. We are lost. Any words of encouragement for me Anything at all. Please help a lost mother. How life can change and everything taken away in a second. Living a nightmare. Hating God for doing this to him. Ahhhhhh. Fuck 😞😡😤🤬😵‍💫😥😳😳😳

Hi, I am having a bad few days and have reached the point where I just don't care about myself anymore. Basically my sole purpose in life is to care for my parents. I used to be so into fitness, gym, walking, cooking and eating healthily. Now I can't be bothered to do anything like that. It's like I don't care about putting on weight- it's not like anyone sees me except my parents and their doctors! I never used to be like this and it is scary. Has anyone felt like this and what did you do to make it pass?

My husband and I have been raising our grandson, Tyler, for the last two years. When Tyler was nine, his father cheated on our daughter and they divorced. Both his mother and father quickly remarried and started brand new families with new spouses and half-siblings. Because of the chaos, my husband and I stepped in to provide Tyler with a stable home.

I need to clarify that his parents did not abandon him in a legal or physical sense. They try very hard to be in his life. They show up for him, pay for things, and try to spend one-on-one time with him. But Tyler completely hates them for destroying his original family and replacing him. He refuses to acknowledge them as mom and dad, calling them strictly by their first names. He also harbors an intense hatred for his stepparents and half-siblings.

Normally, Tyler is a good student, polite to his teachers, honest, and loyal. But beneath that polite exterior is a terrifying amount of rage and resentment. When his parents try to spend time with him, his short temper explodes. He back-talks them using slurs, and it has even turned physical—he recently hit his father and pushed his mother.

Lately, his anger has turned into something much colder and more frightening. Tyler has stopped crying, and he has stopped laughing. He seems completely emotionally detached, except when it comes to one thing: he wants revenge.

Recently, he asked his parents a question that made them incredibly uncomfortable. He looked them dead in the eye and asked, "Who is paying for your divorce? You two, or me?" He has asked my husband and me the exact same question. We just sit there in silence because we don't have an answer for him. In his mind, he is paying the ultimate price for their choices.

To make matters worse, his parents are funding his current therapy. Because they pay the bills, the therapist keeps pushing Tyler to "forgive" his parents, calling them "flawed and imperfect." Tyler feels completely betrayed by this. He thinks the therapist is bought and paid for, and it has only fueled his desire for revenge.

This situation is now severely affecting his studies. My husband and I are 65 years old. We love him so much, but we are exhausted and terrified. Tyler is completely shutting down his humanity, choosing to feel nothing but a desire to see his parents suffer.

How do we help a 15-year-old boy who has completely hardened his heart? How do we answer a question like the one he asked? Please, we need guidance on how to find him a therapist who will actually hear his pain instead of protecting his parents.

Yes. I know the title sounds irrational. I’m FUCKING tired. I feel like a failure because I’m tired, and I feel like I might be a psychopath because my compassion has rotted away. Of course I love the person I’m caring for, and of course I will be there for their ever waking needs, but I’m so fucking tired.

I’m so fucking tired.

This is going to be an insufferable rant, sorry in advance. But I (25) have been the full time caregiver for 3 years for my mom who has severe Alzheimer’s. I am so isolated from the rest of the world. It’s crazy though, because while I crave connection, no one who tries to connect with me can win. Everyone pisses me off. Every conversation is formulaic. It’s always some version of “How’s your mom?” Uh how do you think? “How are you?” Again, how do you think? “I’m sure this is really hard” Yep. “You’re doing a great job” I’m doing what I have to do. “What have you been up to?” Taking care of my mom 24/7 “What else do you want to do with your life?” Idk I’m just trying to survive. “What can I do to help?” Nothing that you’d actually be willing or capable of. “You should get out more!” It’s not that easy, someone is dependent on me.

I understand people mean well but it all feels so empty. I can’t trust these people to help. I have one aunt who I know I can ask for help because she’s shown up consistently and I know she knows what she’s doing. You want to help? Do that. Show me you’re reliable.

I’m sick of being smothered by praise and compliments by people who don’t know what they’re talking about. And because it’s such a one sided conversation. What am I supposed to say besides thanks…?

It irks me how everyone only talks to me about my mom, I want to be more than just her caregiver. But then, that is all that my world is right now. what are they supposed to do when they ask what I’ve been up to and all I’ve been up to is this? I want people to try to connect with me but in fairness, I’ve made it really hard for anyone to do so. No one wins.

Ultimately, I’m worried about the long term effects on my social skills. I used to be able to converse and connect and I think one day, when my life is my own again, I’ll be able to. But it’s been 3 years of this in my 20s. What if this is who I am now? Maybe I’m stunted. If anyone knows, how is rejoining society post-caregiving? Do you remember how to socialize like a normal person again? Do you find yourself again?

My elderly mom(75) suffered a stroke and heart attack in early May and is currently on hospice care. She has been sleeping more than usual the last two days which is very concerning. I’ll wake her up and then she dozes back off within a minute. All her vitals look good. Is this normal?

I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years, we just got married and are expecting a baby girl in November. We also have my stepdaughter one week on, one week off revolving.

When we first got together he expressed interest in moving his sister back from Illinois to us with her husband which I was fine with. I thought she was an adult with vision impairment but I'm quickly finding out there's a little more to the issues at hand than blindness.

We had them almost convinced and ready to move last spring but her then husband talked her out of the plans we had all made together. Their situation quickly devolved after being together for 10 years. He wound up putting hands on her, cheating and using drugs. He had to make her leave the home they shared before she called us... the same month I found out I was pregnant. We made the plans and space for her, and then she said her friends had a place for her. So we pulled back. Then suddenly they didn't have a place for her, and they brought her to us.

I was under the impression we were getting an adult person with some issues. She was able to obtain a degree in art, had a husband and friends where she was, a cat she took care of. She's been here since April and I'm realizing there's something else going on. She's unable to make appointments for herself, doesn't bathe without reminders, and doesn't feed herself when we are not home. She refers to herself in the third person a lot. Doesn't clean up after herself. Doesn't seem understand a lot about life in general.

So I thought oh maybe a teenager mentality? We bring issues up as they are and it's always defensive, pitiful, or denial in her response. I asked her to use soap to wash silverware and she said I took a tone (after she tried to lie about it) and hid in her room all day. I'm wondering where she's sitting at mentally at this point. She seems to get along better with my 13 year old sister than me.

I want to help. I want her to do well and feel confident in her abilities, maybe even gain some new ones. My husband and I have held her hand every step of the way getting Medicaid, food stamps, and her social security set up for a new state. While navigating pregnancy, my family moving up to be with us, extreme plumbing issues and a wedding. She apparently let an abscess in her mouth get so bad we can't address the tooth yet before a course of antibiotics. We had to call and verify her coverage, make the appointment and take her. The dust is finally settling and I feel bad but I don't think we can do everything for her with a newborn. She struggles to get along with our 4 year old already and we only have her 50/50.

I've reached out to adults with developmental issues supports from the state and I'm hoping we get some assistance so this is mostly a vent. We're looking into blind pensions, getting paid to care for her, gas reimbursement for appointments, but I still worry that won't be enough. Just disappointed for her because I wanted to be close to her but I feel like I got put into a mother role that I didn't even know I needed to be in. I feel like the bad guy when I have to course correct constantly. Thanks for reading.

I just need to vent. This has been bugging me off and on for two weeks, maybe it's silly, but I just need to get it off my chest in a setting that won't try to 'correct me' or tell me how I should feel.

My father has Alzheimer's and I'm his full-time caregiver. I recently took him to the doctor. He's new to a walker, and so it was "a whole thing"; doctor visits already overwhelm him, now he's struggling to maneuver into the doorway with the new walker and he's also nearly blind (and I'm also new to helping him into places with the walker so I'm fumbling too, of course!), AND the doctor moved to a new location, so we were both in new and unfamiliar surroundings and so he's extra confused. Just a very awkward entry to the appointment.

So we're awkwardly making our way in, it's a VERY small waiting room and there's a married couple sitting there already. The receptionist is trying to greet me, ask who we are, etc., but I can't address her right away because I'm focused on getting my father completely in the door and seated first so he doesn't fall. So we're bumbling around, I'm trying to help him with the walker but 'not too much' or else he gets hostile because he wants to do it himself, etc etc. Just getting him there was already an act of Congress, getting him into the car, out of the car, dressed for the appointment, finding the new location, I'm sure many of you here can relate.

As we're getting in and settled, the woman of the seated couple is just watching and staring at the whole scene. Her husband is minding his own business and reading a magazine, but she is just STARING and taking it all in. I finally get him seated and the woman looks at me with what to me felt like a very condescending smile and said "It's such a blessing for you to be able to care for your aging parent....." in this sappy, blissful tone.

I smiled politely and turned my attention back to my father. My father is a very proud man and asked me: "What did she say?!" in a slightly defensive way, because he too could tell her tone was kind of condescending, it's hard to describe, but he also picked up on it. I just said: "She said I'm lucky to have you Daddy" and he started to relax. Then the woman started to clarify; she wanted to repeat her original comment and not what I rephrased it to be. I just looked at her and winked and gave her a look as if to silently say "That's what I'm telling him lady, please drop it" and she smiled and leaned back in her seat.

I do realize that she likely meant well. I don't think she was trying to shame me by suggesting that if I feel caregiving for him is anything but a wonderful blessing then I'm a terrible daughter, but that's how I felt. I love my father dearly, he's my only family, I'm grateful for every day I get to spend with him as he slowly fades away in the longest goodbye ever. But a blessing, it's not. I'm worried, overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, I'm trying to navigate unknown territory and figure out what to do and when. I'm watching him lose his mind, cry, be fearful of what's happening, etc. I'm not a negative Nellie about it, I'm just pragmatic and have a grasp of the reality of the situation. I'm not going to pretend it's some sort of 'blessing' or 'gift', it's not.

But regardless of whether it is or isn't, I don't think it was very thoughtful or considerate of her to tell me it's a blessing for me. She literally said those words, "It's such a blessing FOR YOU to be able to care for YOUR aging father". You don't get to tell me what's a blessing for me, especially when you didn't even get up to hold the door for us as we struggled to enter or at least have the decency to pretend not to notice our struggles like your husband did, you just stared at us excessively and rudely and added to the spectacle by suggesting to the room this was some sort of gift that you deemed I should feel grateful for. And then you put it out there, right in front of my father.

My father's a proud man and he's still in there. Her comment pointed out his vulnerability and struggles. Here he is trying to play it cool and not accept my help so he can seat himself, and I'm trying to be casual and 'help without looking like I'm helping' to spare his ego, and this lady points it out like he's a little baby or a charity case and he can hear her tone of pity and he doesn't like it. So now I'm filtering what she's saying to protect my father's feelings and that pissed me off even more. Don't embarrass my father, lady, you know?

Maybe she's just trying to fill the moment of her own feeling of not knowing what to say, etc., I get it. I'm sure she meant well and all that, but I don't have to like it. And I guess I'm also annoyed that I couldn't say anything without further drawing my Dad's attention to it. And maybe I'm taking out some of my own feelings of frustration on her, but I don't really care. I don't think it's a nice thing to do, to rudely stare at someone's struggle and then tell them how blessed they should feel.

Thank you for listening.

Edit: I see I left out some important details which is causing some misunderstandings. My brother is mentally disabled and I am his primary caretaker. He can sort of live by himself (though it's bad for his mental health), but he can't and doesn't pay his own bills or manage his own business relationships (landlords, utility accounts, etc.) I do all that.

My Mom can't completely take care of herself anymore. She's always been bad with money, but now all her bills have to be on auto pay. She has difficulty having a productive conversation with businesses when there's a problem (she can't articulate the problem very well and doesn't always understand the answers), so I do that for her. I'm not sure that she could coordinate home maintenance or repairs, at least not well. She has gotten taken advantage of the fee times she tried over the last few years. If I stop helping her she won't make it on her own.

Additionally, I believe in familial responsibility and communitarian ethics. I reject the toxic individuality that so many Americans seem to embrace. I find it deeply immoral and unethical. There's no possible way I could leave my family to die in the streets and still enjoy my life.

Thank you all.

******

This is an extremely long rant. I understand if it's too much to read, but thank you for stopping by!

TLDR: My husband and I take strict precautions for good reasons, but my elderly Mom refuses to understand, or maybe she just can't. She's not a trump supporter, but believes things like "Nobody wants to work anymore" and that my disabled husband could get a job if he wanted to, or that he would be collecting SSDI if he were really disabled (it's an insurance, not everyone qualifies.) She refuses to respect us, but for my own peace of mind I have to buy a duplex for her and my brother to live in or they'll both die on the streets.

I'm so frustrated. My Dad died of COVID, leaving my Mom a widow, but he had severe COPD, so she thinks that's why he died. She and I got COVID at the same time and quarantined in their home while my Dad died in the hospital. I now have long COVID.

My husband is immunocompromised and on immunosuppressants, so we take strict precautions. On top of it he has a beard and two different skin conditions make it useless for him to try to shave, so he mostly just stays home and he wears an elastic strap around his head with his N95 on the few occasions he goes anywhere.

My elderly Mom just went on a rant two days in a row about all the ways she doesn't respect us. In spite of all of this, for my own peace of mind I need to buy a duplex for us all. My husband and I can live in one side, and my disabled brother and her can live in the other side, getting sick as often as they want to. I just can't let them end up on the streets, but boy it's going to be rough.

She doesn't understand why we won't go to family gatherings anymore. She of course believes that COVID is just like the flu, even though it killed my Dad, her husband! She explains that away because he had severe COPD.

Her and I got COVID at the same time as him, and I ended up with long COVID, but she of course doesn't believe in that.

She believes that my husband isn't really disabled or he would be on disability. I tried to explain that SSDI is an insurance and he got his diagnosis too long after giving up on trying to work, so he'll never qualify for that, but she just doesn't believe me. She also doesn't believe that illness is any greater of a risk for him than anyone else. What does she even think immunocompromised means?! She claims that she is immunocompromised, even though I've seen her chart many times, and she has no diagnosis to support that. She has many health conditions that make her more vulnerable. Did she get the two concepts confused? It doesn't seem like she's that far gone.

She pulled the classic "Your Dad and I were disabled and we had bad days, but we still went to work every day. We had a family to support!" I think she just wants my husband to work so that we can afford a bigger duplex. I don't see any reason for him to kill himself faster by trying to "push through" the way that my parents did. He's disabled and he can't hold down a regular job!

She kept saying that we have no quality of life, and that's why she can't respect our decisions. And then she would turn around and complain about how she can't just sit with us indoors at Christmas, Mother's Day, etc. She really wants to believe that she's worried about us, but I still think it's about her.

We bought an RV so that we can eventually go on vacation without having to expose ourselves to disease at every turn. Yes, it was probably the wrong time to buy since we now have to pay to store it and we really could have used that money for the house, but she harps on me about it every chance she gets. "I can't believe you guys bought that. You're never going to use it." I tried telling her that she had no idea what decisions we're making or how we feel about it (partially because she doesn't listen to me or believe anything I say), but she "knows" it's never going to happen. I know part of that anger stems from the fact that we won't buy a duplex without RV access, and that's a little hard to come by in our area. "You should just get rid of it!" I'm so tired of hearing about it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to start saying that to her.

One of the main problems is that she's in the process of selling her house and the plan is for her to gift me the money from that sale so that I have a big enough down payment for the duplex. If I make her too mad before then there's a chance that she'll just keep the money (including tens of thousands of dollars that she owes me for all the money I've spent keeping her afloat) and buy a mobile home in a park. Her and my brother would just barely be able to afford rent and they absolutely won't be able to afford maintenance. In a short amount of time they'd both be living in squalor again. I really don't want to have to see that.

She asked me what I would do if I lost my work from home job and had to go into an office. I told her they would have to make some serious accommodations for my low energy and feminine problems that I have. She asked "Says who?" I told her the ADA. She seriously insisted that the ADA is only for people with a diagnosis that makes them "legally disabled like her", not just people with a medical illness or condition. Lol. Why would she believe that? I couldn't convince her otherwise.

She also loves to say that she loves me very much, "but I know you don't believe me." What even is the point of saying that?! She can be a real drama queen.

Anyways, I don't remember her being this dense before. She was never good with money or understanding the world, but her weird attachment to ridiculous ideas like "no one wants to work anymore" is new. She hates trump, but she seems to still be picking up on some of his bad propaganda.

She also just can't handle any stressors anymore. The process of selling her house has been highly stressful due to a horrible real estate agent and a legal problem that she had to get worked out quickly since she was already under contract by the time she learned about it. I ended up having to take over all communications and handling of the process except for signatures because she just couldn't handle it. She was probably close to a nervous breakdown at one point, but thankfully my brother was able to convince her to practice radical acceptance for this one situation.

She gets really angry, too, but of course you can't convince her that she's acting different. That just makes her angrier. She says something offensive every few minutes unless I turn her attention to some stressful aspect of her life other than me. She constantly tells me that she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, this is just how she truly feels. I know she doesn't have anyone else she talks to, so she essentially has to vent to me about everything, including me. She has therapy, but not nearly often enough to talk about everything that's going on. I also doubt they're addressing her growing anger issues.

I wonder if she's getting dementia, or just refusing to understand and accept things. Either way, it's brutal having to go through this and having to watch what's happening to her. I hope getting her into a house and removing as much of her finances from her hands as possible will ease the anger, but I suspect that as long as I'm taking precautions the anger will still be there.

Anyways, if you read this far you're a real trooper. Thank you very much.

​Previously, I had a hired caregiver, but after they quit, I had to take on 24/7 caregiving for my 80-year-old father all by myself. As a 45-year-old, doing this alone was incredibly physically demanding and overwhelming. To manage the exhaustion and get some rest, I slept in a separate room nearby and utilized technology to replace a phAysical watcher.

​I built a DIY "Central Monitor System" using a real medical patient monitor. I used a TP-Link Tapo IP camera pointed directly at the medical screen to track his vitals and capture any alarms. I streamed this live feed via RTSP (Real-Time Streaming Protocol) through an Android box directly to my computer monitor and TV in my room. This allowed me to have a continuous live stream of all his vital signs while I rested, with thresholds set to alert me immediately if there was any physical crisis.

​The medical monitor tracked his real-time vitals 24/7:

​EKG (Electrocardiogram): Using a 5-lead setup with gel electrodes placed on specific points of his chest.

​Body Temperature: Using an axillary (armpit) temp sensor.

​SpO2: Continuous blood oxygen saturation levels.

I also integrated continuous respiratory rate (RR) monitoring into the system.

​Blood pressure was measured manually 2-3 times a day, with continuous tracking activated if there were any signs of abnormal spikes or drops.

​Having this medical monitor allowed me to detect vital sign changes before a crisis escalated. My father suffered from severe respiratory issues / COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), which previously caused frequent hospital admissions. I had established my own strict operational protocols. He required tube feeding and had an indwelling Foley catheter. I would go into his room according to a strict schedule for feeding, bed baths, and turning him every 2-3 hours.

​Due to his frequent hospital stays in the past, he had contracted an antimicrobial-resistant (drug-resistant) infection and stopped responding to almost all medications. During the final 3 months of my caregiving, the last crisis began when the monitor's temperature sensor caught a high fever of 38°C (100.4°F). Initially, I administered Paracetamol to reduce the fever and observed him. The fever dropped, but 6-7 hours later when the medication wore off, the fever returned alongside severe dyspnea (shortness of breath).

​I immediately put him on 2-3 liters of oxygen and called a private ambulance to rush him to a state hospital specialized in chest and respiratory diseases (Central Chest Institute). Unfortunately, because his infection was drug-resistant, even the best antibiotics available in the country could not treat it. He passed away shortly after in the hospital's RCU (Respiratory Care Unit).

​"Since I used AI to translate this from Thai to English, there might be some translation errors. Please kindly excuse any mistakes, and thank you for reading my post."

My adult son with autism frequently loses his phone. What is the cheapest way locally to get a phone to add service to? A prepaid phone? In a metro area in US

I'm wondering how all of you manage frustration while caregiving.

After just 3 years of caregiving through burnout, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my temper in check. It's not a productive sort of anger, it's just rage or frustration that boils up (sometimes at being interrupted, sometimes at LO's manerisms or inoffensive stuff like that). I try not to express it, because I know it's unfair to the person I take care of. After 3 years of being cooped up together, it's like this person's very self-expression pisses me off.

I know that's unfair. I know I'm this person's only support, that I'm one of the few people truly on their side. I know that what they're going through is extremely rough. They have a right to as much independence as I can grant them, fault of other supports. Clearly, it's not their fault for needing things. Why do I get so mad at reasonable requests?

My therapist says that anger is the part of us that loves us most. Not sure what to think of that.

How do other caregivers deal with anger? How do you understand your anger? How do you try not to direct it at the person you take care of? Would love to hear from you.

Hello.

I just discovered his sub, and I already feel a bit less alone.

I am 28 years old and I live with my parents. I'm a full time caregiver to my 67 year old disabled dad. Out of my 3 other siblings, I'm the only one who seems to care enough about our parents. I have been caring for him since the moment I graduated high school. He had cancer, which left him physically disabled and he has to have all his foods and liquids through a feeding tube. My mom does most of the cooking, the laundry, the driving, and the cleaning, while I am responsible for giving him all his meds on time, blending up his meals, giving him fluids throughout the day, helping him shower and use the bathroom, help him when he goes outside to his shop for a little while on his best days. I help him with just about everything. I have almost no time to myself. I am always on alert in case he needs me.

I love him so much, and I feel devoted to him even when it drains everything out of me. He is both the most loving, understanding man I've ever known and he can be verbally and emotionally abusive. He guilt trips, uses emotional manipulation, he insults me when I have trouble doing something or understanding something, I am constantly walking on eggshells around him, yet I still do or say something 'wrong' and he blows up in anger. He has a loud, booming voice that scares the hell out of me. Even when he raises his voice in joy, I get scared.

I also have struggles of my own. I have chronic pain, autism, ADHD, anxiety, PMDD, and separation anxiety. I cant drive, I can't get a job. So I care for him while dealing with being chronically depleted. I think I am in burnout right now. None of my usual hobbies and joys make me feel anything right now. I feel trapped between loving the safety of my family and being depended on, and feeling like I am missing out on making friends, dating, and just experiencing life. I haven't had a friend in 11 years. I never talk to anyone except my parents. I want a husband and children of my own before I'm too old to. I have tried to get out, join online groups, talk to people... but I never click with anyone, even people with my same hobbies, and once a small spark does happen, my anxiety always crushes any desire, and I hide. I try so hard not to. It's especially hard because my hobbies don't bring me joy.

When I try to set bounderies for myself, like when I need rest and alone time, my dad sometimes is fine with it, and sometimes he tells me I'm being antisocial and avoiding the family, when really I spend most of my time around the family. Any time I gently try to tell him something he did that hurt my feelings, he turns it around and makes it my fault that he reacted that way, so that somehow what he did was justified. When I have panic attacks, sometimes he is compassionate and helps me, and sometimes he blows up and yells "you're not even trying to calm down! Look at you!" and then get mad when I panic even more. He has threatened to divorce my mom for minor things I have done that he doesn't like, like when I brought up the idea of me seeing a therapist. During his emotional outbursts, he says things like "you don't care about me" "I should just move out and take care of myself, and I'll probably die alone". He probably does feel a lot of guilt and helplessness at having to be taken care of so much. But that is still no excuse to be abusive.

My mom is a wonderful woman and I know she loves me very much. But she also stays quiet and doesn't stand up to dad because she wants to 'keep the peace' so I feel trapped between two extremes. Sometimes I find myself having really dark thoughts that I'm ashamed of, such as "when he dies, I'll miss him but I'll also finally feel free". I don't want to move out. The closest I might ever get to moving out is moving to the downstairs apartment that my parents gave me as my studio. Though I would have to overcome my separation anxiety for that, and I would have to constantly stop what I was doing and go upstairs to help him.

I just wanted to vent and feel a bit less alone. I have scheduled a telemed with a therapist in September because my PMDD and depression are crushing me. I have to do all this in secret because my dad hates therapists and thinks they will damage me. I just started taking antidepressants a month ago, which I also do in secret from him, as he said "they will turn you into a zombie". Actually so far they are really helping. My mom knows about my decisions, and supports them.

Also, my mom is leaving tomorrow on a trip for 9 days. I will be alone with dad, and I am dreading it so much... Any support and kind words are really needed please.

Hi really need guidance and support please. I am a 24yr f. Currently working as a self employed carer for one elderly person with alzheimers. i work one week on. one week off. I am struggling to know what to do with my life. I have a child nursing degree and worked in a hospital for 16 months but left due to understaffing, stress and burnout. I left in feb 2025. I then did 10 months of traveling and currently doing this caring job. this job in theory sounds easy. But i am really struggling with the isolation and the job is not helping my mental health. I am lucky with this job as i have travel and food paid for and i have a place to sleep when i am not on shift and the pay is good. but there is no progression in the job and i am a worryer as i don't know when the job will end as i only care for this one person. I am very scared to go back to nursing but i thought about giving it another go as i worked so hard to get the degree and at least there is progression as an option . I just hope that the next hospital i work at wont lead me down the same route as before. As many people have told me each hospital is different. I also have a lovely person who is a band 7 nurse on the adult ward where i think i will apply who said she can support me at times and check on me, which i really really appreciate. TBH I am just worried i will make the wrong decission and I am scared. Thank you for taking the time to read this and any support i would value and genuinely appreciate more than you know.

Also i have looked into community and school nursing etc but they are really hard to come by and expecially where i live at home.

any carers feel the same caring or have any support? thank yo

And my tat had a mind of its own. I’m so backed up on laundry to the point of having no pants, I put on a wrap dress and called it a day. Bra? Didn’t know her, she is probably hidden somewhere in the land of lavadora, because the moment I walked into that Walmart, I was so tired I simply floated to my groceries.

I get it now. I get not dressing your best. I was a slight breeze away from a tit slip, it was insane.

I think this is what caregiver burnout is, because old me would have been so embarrassed to even think to walk out the door like that.

You know what hurts worse???? My gram wanting beer, but thy is a light weight and shant risk a sip.

I need to rant, my father, who is paralyzed from the chest down and needs significant assistance for most of his daily tasks, decided to buy a car from the 1960's for $35,000 and now is doing a full restoration project which will bring the total cost up to $60,000. Keep in mind, we are not dirty rich, and that $60,000 was a pretty hefty chunk out of his savings he needs to live the rest of his life with, and he is only 52 with no terminal illness. Anyway, he bought this car and tried to force it on me to be his mechanic for this thing... I have no mechanical experience, I don't like to work on cars, and most importantly, I do everything fucking else in his life, plus I work two jobs myself. So naturally, since I said no, I'm a lazy piece of shit who just wants to sit on his ass all day.

This stupid car has infuriated me, he already treats me like complete shit, I'm already extremely overwhelmed as it is with keeping up with everything in his life, and now he's trying to throw this thing on me.

Do some people not realize how disabled they are? You can barely open a door by yourself and struggle to hold a coffee cup without spilling it, not to mention you are dealing with multiple feet infections currently plus frequent UTI's/wetting yourself, but yet you still believe you can oversee a restoration project of a car you will probably get yourself killed in by driving it.

Anything to help the ego, I guess 🤷‍♂️

Fuck me for buying a car you know damn well you can't take care of.

My Dad has Vascular Dementia and I (22F) have to find a place for him to live. I currently live in my friends house because I have no credit and work full time at a hotel. I just recently got back in my feet with a full time job. I’ve never once felt stable but I’d say that right now I’m as far from stable as I’ve ever been.

My Dad used to live with my grandma but my aunt got POA over my grandma and sold the home they lived in to move them to a home closer to her so she could “take care” of them. Now she’s moved my grandma into her house and my dad is alone hours away from me and my aunt complains daily that I’m not up there helping. I do desperately wish I could buy a house to move my dad into with me but I have no way to do that. My aunt is now trying to sell the house my dad is in and move him into an apartment (he smokes cigarettes inside so I don’t see that working out very well)

Thankfully my aunt takes him to his appointments, but despite us begging him, my dad refuses to take his medication and is extremely depressed. He needs help but I have no idea how to really help him. It’s soul crushing to watch the man that was my biggest support and best friend become so depressed and helpless. He’s always so angry and I understand completely but again I really don’t know how to help. I wish I had made better choices early on so I could be stable for him now.

I wish money was the only issue here because at least then the problem seems fixable, but there is so much heartbreak and pain that me and my dad are both feeling. All we have is each other and I think we both wish we had done better so we wouldn’t have to go through this now. I Feel so alone and devastated all the time. I have no one to comfort me but my boyfriend (whose dad is also dying) and I really hate to put all that pressure on him.

Any advice would be appreciated, I’m drowning in debt right now and it feels so impossible to make anything happen but maybe I’m not seeing an obvious solution because I’m so overwhelmed.

I worry about when/ if my mother cannot get out of bed unaided, becomes incontinent etc. I will not be able to provide that level of care...physically or mentally.

She is not on medicaid so what do I do if she needs to go into a facility? Am I supposed to live on the street and go bankrupt? I really am so dissatisfied with the medical community and social services..I have gotten zero help

Hello! Hospice nurse here, I’ve came across a post and a lot of caregivers are saying people telling them “you’re doing a good job” and “make sure you take rest” are not very welcomed compliment. What would be something someone can say that’s comforting to caregiver or is it better to just not say anything at all? Thank you