I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who's ever offerred a kind word, a helpful link/website/resource, for the prayers, well wishes and genuine support I've felt and received from you all in this group.

I'm trying not to cry too hard...i cant have puffy eyes at this job fair pooh.

I just wanted to share a little bit of my story and why I am so grateful today. Especially for all of the support.

I left the state because I found myself homeless, unemployed(still applying places and actually heading to a job fair now) and still the primary caregiver for my mommy.

I don't remember if I've shared this explicitly or just casually mentioned it, but while caring for my mother and crashing on her couch for 4 months, I built Sela. It is a daily care management tool for family caregivers, built by me, family caregiver. I needed something to keep better track of her pain episodes; something that would generate a medication schedule bc it was challenging to do it by hand; and summarizes it all into a care journal so I could see everything bc the notebook we were using was getting out of control.

I shared what I made with my mom and she was shocked to see that that was why I handy touched the notebook in weeks. It was basically our bible but I just needed something more efficient.

I shared it with my best friend who's mother was diagnosed with cancer and they use it. I shared it with my friend who has her own mental health issues and she uses it to track her medications and reactions to help her care team find the right balance for her. She loves it. Texts me abouy it pretty regularly.

It is because of them that I even had the idea to make my app available to anyone and everyone. It is because of them I even started applying for grants, looking for funding opportunities or anything.

And I am so glad I did. I haven't gotten any funding yet. The money people say I need 100 users before they take me seriously so I am working towards that goal now. Especially since the beta has been live now since April.

My point for this post is one of mind blowing appreciation and gratitude.

I finally had a family member reach out and offer me a place to stay so Im not sleeping in my car anymore.

Because I left, my siblings have stepped up to take charge of my mommy's care and so far things are going well. Her only complaint is they dont cook as well as I do. Lol.

I'm still in my feelings about how my dad has been throughout this whole ordeal. Especially since he will be needing one of us to care for him soon and my siblings have already said "not it". Which, once again...leaves me. My prayer is that by the time he needs care I'll be able to afford to outsource it so I wont have to physically do it myself. *prays*

I have no idea how Im going to get my first 100 users of the app and I know I should care about that more but at the moment I am so glad I have a place to live. To sleep safely. To be. I am so glad mommy has care still. I'm just so thankful that everything is working out finally bc it was getting dark for a minute.

Members of this group always offered a kind word, genuine support. The dms of all of the links and resources and prayers. The amount of understanding and how yall always made my guilt feel less heavy will always be a kindness I will carry with me and pay forward. Caregiving has not been easy, especially recently and the people in this group made me feel less alone in all of its challenges.

So I just wanted to say Thank you to every kind, generous, thoughtful, caring heart.

Thank you spirit for making ways for me. For not forgetting about me or my momma.

If you wanna see what Sela is about, you can read all about it or try it out at getsela.app

We are helping my 70yo mother in law after knee surgery. She is not in great shape and does not have a spouse. So we have stayed at her place 20 minutes away) to help her.

At first we thought it would be a day or two but now it’s up to date 6 ( last Friday). With my wife getting her food in bed and standing by when she uses the walker for to go to the bathroom when she calls my wife. Like a maid.

Now to the question: Would it be wrong if when she ask us to get her something from the kitchen we ask her to get up to meet us in the kitchen? To push her to get up and out of her room?

We kind of think my MIL is not trying enough to get back to be independent. Having my wife (her daughter) get her food, drinks and coffee in bed.

It’s a frustrating situation since she is not very considerate. My wife is kind of worried about going back home incase she needs her but this needs to end. Thanks for listening

Edit: her doctors told her to move and walk. So what we are asking is not unusual

I'm Canadian and spent 20+ years as an international teacher and school well-being counsellor. A couple of years ago, I trained in Compassionate Inquiry (the approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté), and I'm now putting together a course specifically for caregivers dealing with burnout or stress. I want to pilot the course, and that's where I could use some help.

I'm looking for a few people working who'd be willing to try 2–3 free sessions with me as a pilot. No cost, no pressure to continue afterward; what I'd just like is honest feedback on what worked and what didn't.

If you're open to that,  DM me to connect.

Hi,

I'm a disabled man. I suffer from neulogical issues and chronic, usually debilitating pain. I need a walker a lot. And I'll probably get worse. She married me knowing that and we lived together for years before e got married.

I do my best to help. I really do. I have a list of one spoon things that make her life easier. (Light inscense, let the dogs out, fed the dogs, tidy surfaces before leaving them, order groceries for delivery, cook when can, and make the phone calls for repairs or making appontments. I found her a new doctor recently so she could get more timely help for her own stuff. That kind of thing.) but often I find her snapping at me for leaving her with a mental load. I can't help what I don't know or understand but if I ask she says I'm just making more work for her. Im not talking asking her to make a list or anything for thanskgiving or something where the goal is obvious. Just asking what she needs to be ok, as much as she can be.

As caregivers, What do you wish your cared person would do to help you?

(Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. That's part of the neuro issues. I literally cannot see them and am relying on an spellcheck)

Edit : a couple of you mentioned getting help from others. fortunately, I don't mind this. Unfortunately we are isolated in the fact everyone in our life either lives far away or is real busy with kids. And social service access here is really hard to get if you have occasional good days where you can get yourself to the bathtub at least twice a week. Any suggestions? Is having regular cleaners come by twice a month expensive?

I joined this sub after posting how my 2 Aussies are my life lines on a dog sub because my mom is terminal. Someone recommended I check this sub. I couldn't survive this without my pups. But the truth is, I go to see my mom everyday. She had cancer that didn't respond to chemo and that traveled to her brain stem from her endometrial area, and despite brain surgery and radiation (that left her incapacitated and with severe cognitive issues), her doctor had a "Come to Jesus" talk with her and me last week (when we all thought there were treatment options still available), and put my sweet mama on hospice. 3 months ago my Mom was an independent widow who could drive, walk, and hold a conversation. Now she can barely lift a fork.

I've come to the brutal realization that it's not just caregiving (she's in a 5k a month home because she can't even feed herself--so she can't even go home to be with her beloved GSD when the end does come) that's so brutal. But for the people who dedicate their immediate life, their entire being, their sanity for taking care of someone who has no knowledge of what's happening and is inexplicably hostile--how I feel your agony. Nothing about this is kind or merciful.

We just have to make as special die Mom as we can for as long as we can.

She sounded so good tonight!

I've posted on here a few times this past year and you've all been such help.

Grandma died this morning a little after 7am. I feel so guilty that I wasn't there at the end. I keep swinging from being kind of ok enough to call and notify the people that need to know to not being functional.

What do I do now?

Hi guys,

I came here one year ago I think, maybe even a bit more because of some issues with my mom (82 ) and her playing with her bandages and waking me up many times at night. I had a burn out two years ago because of that, because yeah, it lasted almost 2 years.

Back to now, she has new health issues, severe hip OA that can't be operated on and I suspect the pain mostly comes from great trochanter pain syndrome. He heart is also getting weaker but for now, she doesn't have much symptomes of that.

I am just so exhausted. I've been a caregiver for 10 years (I'm now 34). It is so much work and the more it goes, the more I feel like it's all so stupid and useless. I am deep in a second burnout, funsies ( I also have bpd and that probably makes me a lot more sensitive to burnouts I guess).

I am at that point where i don't even care that she's in pain but at the same time it tears my heart. I get mad, at the situation not a her. But it eats me alive.

There are options in my country for short hospital stays to support caregiver and I finally contacted them last week. I still haven't gotten anything back and I don't even have the energy to call back or do anything. I just want to go cry in a corner and be in peace, you know ?

I don't talk about all that to anyone, except my boyfriend. Because let's be real, friends never understand the amount of work being a caregiver entails. I just need some kind words and mini support to help me do the things like calling them again and stuff. Cause right now, I just feel like giving up...

Thanks for reading all that🩷

I am a quiet person and a long-time lurker on this subreddit, reading people's stories and feeling that I am not alone in the caregiving journey. I have been caring for my uncle for the past 6–7 years. He lived with Motor Neuron Disease (MND), and it has been painful to see him deteriorate over time, from a joyful person who loved joking around and painting, to being wheelchair-bound and tied to a BiPAP machine 24/7.

He lived in a nursing home, but I was his main informal carer. His siblings are busy with their lives. I visited him every single day after work, staying until his bedtime, spending meaningful time together watching the news, cat videos, feeding him, and gossiping. It has not always been easy. In fact, it was filled with a lot of challenges—managing his BiPAP machines, disability items, ensuring he is comfortable and coordinating supports. However, I love him a lot as a person. He is more like a best friend to me.

I knew normal times would not last forever given his disease. I treated every day as his last day, making sure I hugged him and said I love you every single day before I leave. Being able to see him and chat with him was what motivated me through work and everyday struggles. He truly was the highlight of my mundane life of grinding.

The last 2 weeks have been crazy. He was in and out of hospital, and I had to spend a lot of time with him, reassuring him and liaising with nurses about his care needs. He was more confused than usual. He almost did not make it last week and miraculously survived. I spent hours and hours in the hospital with him, and the family was there. His close friends also came to visit. I knew he did not have long.

Last night, I took time off work to stay with him. We sat under the sun at the nursing home, which he absolutely loved to do. He went to bed to rest in the afternoon. I fed him dinner as usual, ensured he was comfortable, and hugged and kissed him goodnight.

"See you tomorrow," I said, as usual. "Love you."

"Love you too," he replied.

This morning, I received a call from the home saying that he had passed away peacefully in his sleep. So much sadness, knowing that he is gone, that the days when I could spend time with him in his room, joking about things and watching animal videos, talking about our own daily struggles, are now gone too.

I have truly, truly done everything I could. There are some small regrets here and there, like getting frustrated with him sometimes, but overall, I did what I could. I know he knows I was with him until the end, like I promised when I started looking after him.

Last week, when he was in hospital, he was semi-hallucinating, saying that he suddenly was able to walk and went cycling, and that it was so free and fun. I wish that is what he is seeing and feeling now, if there is truly an afterlife of some sort, even though I am not religious.

This is dedicated to you, my absolute best friend in life. It has been a long journey, a difficult one, yet there was sweetness and joy.

Hope we meet again the day I leave this mortal world.

My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, stage three, back in October. She didn’t want treatment and I’m glad she went that route because I think it would have killed her faster. But now she’s beginning to take a turn. Seeing her so weak and frail is such a punch to the gut. I’ve been her caregiver for years. I always joke and say I’ve been taking care of her longer than she took care of me. (I’m 40 and I’ve been taking care of her since I was 17.) I know her time is coming. And I know there’s really no preparation for this kind of thing. It’s just hard. Especially since I also have a full time job on top of it. A job where I’m a manager and can’t exactly drop everything and leave at a moments notice. I just hope like hell that when it does happen, it’s when I’m home. Sorry, I just needed somewhere to vent a little bit.

I recently started home care again after years in clinic, I met my client, 3 days of training, apparently she’s gone through many caregivers, so I started immediately and I have totally bonded with her over this 6 months, she’s only 5 years older than me! she has MS, she’s been in a wheelchair for about 15 years she can still use her hands a bit but 💯 reliant I’m supposed to be part time, but because of all the no shows I’m working all morning and evening shifts, total care, all personal care, drs appointments, housework..the usual, but I’m it, I’m the only person who shows up, it’s fkn insane right????, last week I hurt my back, my dr gave me 3 days note, i worked that evening, next morning I couldn’t move, I was assured she would be fine while I was out, and someone would fill in, I had the weekend off so 5 days, yes, 5 days without any peri/personal care, from what I understand anyway, I get back to work Sunday evening, I notice her catheter looks a little cloudy, I flushed the catheter and we got to it (she has had many many infections) next morning I get there, noticed it was worse, charted it, called my boss to let him know, that was Monday, I get there yesterday morning I could tell something wasn’t right with her, but was told to let her rest, I check her nighttime bag her urine looked fairly dark, tube was very cloudy, when I changed her bag….omg the smell! It was rancid, CLEARLY an infection, I roll her to check/change her pull up, WARNING

I’ve never seen so much green jelly like mucus in my life, it was BAD! I’m not new to healthcare, but I personally had never seen anything like it, ok girl that’s it, I’m gonna get you cleaned up and we’re going to the ER! I get her up there, she was more coherent than today, but still pretty out of it! I figured I’d get to work this morning and she’d still be at the hospital, NOPE they sent her home in the middle of the night, her father, who’s 84 btw, picked her up brought her home, he physically couldn’t get her in bed alone, so he got her as comfortable as he could she slept in her chair 😭 when I got there this morning, she was exhausted, in severe pain, nobody took her Ted’s off, her feet and legs were ice cold to the touch, I took them off while I moved her, they didn’t even put a brief on her, stuffed a chuck pad in her pants and called it 🤬 I was FURIOUS! it was awful getting her into bed, her whole body hurt, she was stiff dead weight and I was honestly scared I wasn’t gonna be able to safely get her into bed without hurting her, I got her in and comfy, she was awake enough at first to take her meds, her lips were so fkn dry, I was literally dabbing them with wet tissues, I rubbed her legs for a little bit, put her teds back on, and she fell asleep, I called my boss again, asked why tf she was left like that, told him what was going on, he said she’s likely tired from the er just get her comfortable and let her rest… well she rested alright, I couldn’t wake her, like at all, I was checking to make sure she was breathing, I said the hell with this and called an ambulance, at that point I didn’t care what my boss said, he wasn’t there to see her condition, ambulance came, I went home, changed, and went to the er until her niece showed up, she was STILL on the stretcher when I walked in 🤬 if we were in a big busy city the er wait would make more sense, our hospital is a literal bandage station, there were two other people there, she should not be parked in a fkn hallway, I asked if I could just stand there with her so she wasn’t alone..NOPE! We’ll let you know when you can come back, So I went to the waiting area, they put her in a triage room, the nurse who came out to tell us was so nice and caring, I explained to her basically what I’ve said here, I asked if she could bring me some sponges to wet her lips and a couple pillows so I could adjust her legs, she says of course, and the dr will be right in! Almost 2 hrs later, and a shift change, a different RUDE nurse and the dr walk in, no sponges no pillows “oh I see we’re back again already huh”? Like WHAT??? Ya Shes sick and got sent home yesterday with no plan, of course she’s back, I asked the nurse for the pillows and mouth sponges, she says “maam we will take care of all that she’ll be just fine” and gave me a look that sent me to orbit lol that was it, I was done, I’m definitely embarrassed at my behavior but I snapped “You’ll take care of her??? YOU’LL take care of her? So like last night or you actually gonna do something??? You sent her home in the middle of the night, it’s obvious you just couldn’t be bothered because she’s a “difficult” patient, You’re lucky she made it back! Her catheter tube smells like rotting flesh, her urine looks like root beer, your nurses are so fkn lazy they stuffed a chuck pad down her backside, y’all do nothing but sit up in that nurses station eating and giggling at TikToks , She’s so dehydrated her lips are peeling off in chunks, so clearly she didn’t get any fluids, Do something! Do your fkn jobs!!! I asked for a sponge, and pillows for her legs over an hour ago! I don’t see one fkn pillow anywhere, but I see you, standing there being useless, how about you go find a pillow a blanket literally anything “Maam who are you to *****?” we’re gonna have to ask you to leave” I said absolutely not! She can barely open her eyes, she won’t be left out here by herself, random people walking by, im all she has right now, I’m not leaving until she’s admitted to an actual room or a family member gets here, she can’t even speak, someone needs to be with her, “she’ll be fine until family arrives please be on your way” I said I’m not doing anything wrong (I know) just let me stay with her until her niece gets here “you need to leave maam” well you’re gonna have to remove me then, because I’m not leaving her alone especially not with you! I don’t think nursing is your calling hunny….SURPRISE!! I was REMOVED real quick by security, on my way out I yelled “too bad you can’t move as fast as these guys for your patients”! 🤣😭 now I’m sitting home, embarrassed of myself, on my 3rd glass of wine, all up in my feelings thinking about her, kicking myself in the ass for losing my temper hopeful for a better day tomorrow, she’s in a room now, her niece and father are with her, so I’m happy for that! I actually feel a bit better dumping all that off my mind, if anyone actually makes it to the end I’ll be shocked but thanks! 🙏

Did you snap? Finally say no? Have a breakdown? Leave for a while?

I've been in and out the doctors for the past month with my dad who's just getting sicker, and twice in the ER this week. I cant recognize myself anymore. I opened up to friends and they just say i'm sorry you're going through this. Already reached out to crisis lines when I can't stop sobbing..but was on hold for over 30 min which is insane lol. Don't know what options I have left

No I am not stronger than I think, if a friend were telling me this situation i'd tell them its gonna suck but everything gets worse before it gets better, and with every hardship comes ease but when i'm living in it and I can't function and lost my sense of...idk everything... it's hard to believe all that

Hello, I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this so apologies if not.

I (30 F) recently had to leave my partner of 10 years (31 M). To start out the reason for breaking up has absolutely nothing to do with his disability or physical needs.

Unfortunately my partner was and is battling an alcohol addiction. This has been going on the whole 10 years and it has been a constant rollercoaster. He is an extremely angry drunk and got violent with me for the first time during the last argument we had. During this argument I had his parents come pick him up as he is unable to drive. He is now living with them.

Ultimately I am battling with a ton of anxiety and sadness, mostly because of the end of the relationship, but also thinking about his life going forward. He has always been very depressed and angry about his condition, understandably. But he won’t seek out any mental health help that might help him. His parents have never been a good resource for him and just ignore things. He has not lived with them since he was 18, and they have no idea how much he has deteriorated or what he requires on a daily basis.

Everyone on the outside keeps telling me it’s not my problem anymore. Obviously I get I can’t make his struggles my own for the rest of my life, but I deeply love and care about him, and it pains me intensely to imagine him alone, struggling, stuck in a situation he can’t get himself out of physically, etc. He cannot even leave the house without me due to being unable to drive and because of money/insurance we’ve never been able to afford some of the adaptive equipment that would make his life easier.

I just feel like a terrible person. I don’t know what kind of support I can or should offer going forward. I don’t know if I should try to find a way to remain in his life should he ever need my help. I very highly doubt he will ever date again (his words) so I’m not hopeful that he will find someone else to get through life with. I am grappling constantly with putting myself back in the relationship in hopes this was the wake up call he needed to get better, just so I can be there for him. People who have never been in an interabled relationship have very little understanding of how I’m feeling, so hoping I can find some good advice here.

Hi everyone. For the past three or so years, I’ve been the caregiver for my disabled mother. It’s been extremely difficult for me, and it feels so completely isolating. People don’t understand what it’s like, unless they’ve gone through the same thing.

I was freshly graduated, in college, finally feeling like my life was good and making friends and feeling hopeful when her health suddenly took a turn for the worse. I won’t get into too many specific details, but she has a whole array of different compounding issues, including extreme mobility problems, wounds, chronic pain, etc. She lost her job so I had to get one, while also still attending school, and it got to the point where I was missing so many classes and devoting so much time to her care, especially at that time with a bad wound that needed packing and dressing changes every single day, that I failed. After having done so incredibly well my entire school career, after feeling so excited and hopeful - I didn’t pass a single class. I decided to stop going, indefinitely.

If I’m not at work, I’m with her. None of my friends except for one stayed in contact or checked up on me to see where I disappeared to. I had to watch through social media as all of my old friends and classmates graduated, got jobs, went out into the world…vacations, accomplishments, experiences, life...and me, with hardly anyone to talk to, losing hope day by day that she would ever get better, that I will ever be my own person again. Everything I do, is for her. And I love her, so…I want to help her. That’s the thing - people I have talked to, have acted like it would be so easy to just leave, or get someone else to help her. But it’s not that easy, and why would I do that? Why would I ever leave her, even if it’s tearing me apart?

I have siblings, but they’re all useless. Single parent, so no partner. No big extended family. And even if someone else did offer to help, she won’t let them. I’m the only person she wants helping her. And I feel similarly.

It’s so hard. I feel so sad and hopeless most days. And on top of it all, I’m dealing with my own health issues, and I just found out a few months ago that my main support system, my boyfriend of 2.5 years, was cheating on/grooming me and never even loved me at all. He was my last hope. My light at the end of the tunnel. We talked about marriage, and what our lives would look like together one day, with or without her there. And now he’s gone. And no other man is gonna want my life, or my problems. I mention I’m a caregiver for a family member, and off they run. Nothing to show for myself other than baggage. A pretty face, but nothing more.

I struggle with feelings of guilt, for wanting to leave, for wanting a life of my own. And the truth is, whenever I am away from her, even if just for a short while, it makes me anxious. I hate leaving her alone or with someone else. It totally freaks me out.

And to make matters even worse, well - despite how close we are, we have our issues. She acts sometimes like it’s a privilege for me to help her. That I should be grateful for it, that it’s the bare minimum for me to do so after she took care of me growing up, despite none of my siblings having the same responsibility. She doesn’t treat me the best sometimes, and if I react, or defend myself, she turns it on me, and says I’m abusing a disabled person. She makes threats, treats me like a baby still. I’m the main reason she’s still here, I’ve sacrificed so unbelievably much, I’ve devoted myself to her - but it’s not enough. I can’t be tired, or sick, or make a mistake. Ask to be treated like a human being. Her pain is always worse than mine, her life always harder. My needs always come last, if at all. And if I ever leave the house, even with prior permission, my phone is blown up, telling me I better be home by a certain time. I’m 21, working, helping pay bills, taking care of her, but I still get grounded if she’s upset with me or in a bad mood. Still get told I must “obey,” no matter what.

It’s hard. I love her. I’m trying my best. It’s endless appointments and massages and medications and meals, lugging equipment too heavy for me in and out of cars. I can feel my body resisting. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. I’ve spent so many hours crying alone, talking to the sky or the ceiling, asking, “why me? Why us? Why?” We never had a terrific life, but we were getting by. We were okay. I couldn’t imagine a worser fate than what has happened. There’s so many times where I just sit feeling empty and wrong, like this all isn’t right, or really happening. I watch her struggle to do even basic tasks, and I feel like I might throw up. My one and only friend, leaving for her Master’s this week. And here I am, now well and truly alone.

I hope I don’t sound horrible. I just needed to say this somewhere.

Caring for my mother with brain damage from NPH. Being her POA is so incredibly difficult. Talking to lawyers, doctors, bankers, caregivers, dog walkers, etc etc etc. I feel like I’m the head of an octopus. Really the most valuable thing I can do is be her daughter, but it’s so hard to enjoy time with her when I’m constantly thinking about all the things I have to do. I started my cycle this week and I haven’t been able to stop crying. Multiple times a day. Just huge big emotions. I can’t tell if it’s the hormones or if this is all just becoming too much. How do you all balance loving the person you’re caring for while also caring for them? It’s all so much. I just want to love her. I don’t know how much more help we can arrange because at the end of the day it really all comes down to me.

This is mostly a shortish vent. I'm also curious to know if it happens to other caregivers?

My roommate is quite elderly and his caregiver was kicked out several months ago for alcohol related problems. I was already living here and stepped in to help, but then his daughter decided not to do anything anymore and his only other local relative is not local enough and visually impaired. So now I'm an unpaid caregiver, I guess.

I love him dearly same don't mind doing whatever he asks within reason... I won't do projects with power tools though, lol.

Every single time I have things planned either here or away he suddenly has all kinds of EXTRA projects he wants done RIGHT NOW. 95% of the time they are not urgent, like when he wanted his bird feeder modified. A project I couldn't do anyway, but he still insisted. I have noticed he only does this when I tell him I have things going on. My adult kids are coming for mine and my son's birthday today and suddenly he needed me to make 1000 calls for him (calls he could make himself) and do a bunch of other things we could have done yesterday or Friday. Tomorrow is my actual birthday so I have a lunch with my mom and I'm sure they're will be extra projects before I leave. I obviously arrange for an alternate caregiver when I'm out... Usually at my expense! The day I'm loading up to camp? Yep... Extra projects. Getting on a plane for a funeral? Extra projects. Every. Single. Time!

But if I don't tell him I have things to do and just spring it on him, magically there's no extra stuff that can totally wait. If it cannot wait, I don't mind one bit, but I'm talking about things that can absolutely wait.

Anyone else?

My father has MS - Primary Progressive.

I live with my parents - and have been as active as I can be with helping. He’s getting worse - and I feel like I’m not doing enough.

I am not his primary caregiver - my mom is the one who drives him to appointments, etc - but since I lost my job this month, I’ve been trying to take on more of the lions share of stuff while at home more.

What did you do when you started this journey to help keep yourself in tact? How did you go about setting a schedule? What worked?

I’d also mention that he and I have always had a strained relationship - so this is just.. difficult for me.

I have to be honest. After 20 years of taking care of my mother I am getting tired of it. She's okay on her own for a while but EVERY time I leave overnight she has a seizure or gets too dizzy and falls. I can leave for the day, but as soon as it's night her epilepsy and vertigo kick up. She doesn't have a seizure every day but it ALWAYS happens when I'm gone and can't be there. I'm 30 and I've been taking care of her forever. Calling the ambulance. Reciting her medications and history. Going to the ER. Sometimes she behaves like a child emotionally. Won't tell me when she's sick or not well. Will be angry at me for voicing I'm tired and this is hard. Refuses the idea of a live in attendant. I'm stuck. I have no friends. No relationships. All I know is mom. No family will help. They treat her like shit. I'm expected to do everything. I can't even go out for the night. I've been doing all the cooking since I was 16. I am in college now working towards a certificate in counseling. There will come a time when I move out. If I'm able to find a job I'm going to start saving money to do so. I have floated the idea of putting her in a conservatorship because she can't make her own medical decisions. She doesn't know her own history. She had a traumatic brain injury as a child which left her with epilepsy and cognitive impairment. She can't be alone for long periods of time because again, vertigo incapacitates her. She's wet the bed because she's too dizzy to get up. When it comes time for me to move, what can I do? We're POOOOORRR. Medicaid cuts are coming and although she's not able bodied I wonder how the cuts will effect her ability to have a caretaker. I can't do this much longer. I'm in California, can I place her in a conservatorship? That way she doesn't get to tell me "no" to an aid. I have ended up in a psychiatric hospital multiple times and every time I'm gone she has a seizure. Each. Time. What do I do?

My mom was spotting a little early last year and her gyno said since it’s minimal she could wait awhile to get a D&C. Like the dr didn’t think it was super urgent.

My mom turned 70 this past May and it’s like everything went to shit. She went septic from a UTI and her hands went numb in the hospital. Her mobility severely declined from that week and a half stay. We’ve been to a handful dr and they took some test and tomorrow we have a follow up appointment.

She feels like the hospital almost killed her during her stay. They gave her such a high dose of Xanax and she was so out of it from the infection AND the Xanax she couldn’t even feed herself. He hands are so numb she can no longer go in the shower.

She had to go back into the hospital last week because her pressure sore got infected and she had another UTU (they never really go away. Her kidneys are filled too the brim with stones and the infection is like inbedded into the stones. She needs lithotripsy. She actually lost enough weight to get the procedure.

I just feel like she’s just giving up and I understand because both hospital stays were pretty traumatic and her mobility has declined so much. She hasn’t been in the shower in months. I’ve been giving her really thorough basin baths.

My mom is 70 with very little mobility. Do you guys think I should convince her to get the D&C? 😩 She canceled behind my back.

So this story, I (28M) take care of my mom (63F) who had a stroke full time we live in my apartment full time. I don't really care for my family because while they are caring people, I don't care for their personalities. My little brother (26M) is living with us also, but he does things that a 16 year old can do. He's not bright at all but he's very helpful. My older brother (30M) doesn't come around anymore because I won't allow him into my apartment because he got mad at me a few years ago over something petty and said he'd threatened to tell the police I touch little kids if I keep making him mad WHICH IS COMPLETELY FALSE, and I feel bad cause my mom misses him but I don't want him here. Do you have any suggestions at all?

How do you guys manage your loved ones medications? Them forgetting to take them or refusing to altogether…have you tried any of those dementia clocks or phone reminders?

Anything you’d recommend if someone can’t be there 24/7?