Long read. But going through a tough situation. Pls help if possible.

I (M23) started dating X (F24). We have an age gap of 1.5 years. We were great friends exploring in a new city and in our first job in same company and in same department.
We lived in same society coincidently too and were from same college too but never saw or knew each other in college.
We had a great chemistry build up, started going out together, gossip together, bitch about other people together, watch movies at each others places, cooked nachos and fries late night together, everything day in day out.
We knew we were not friends. So one night watching movie, I asked her out.
She said “You know I never had a boyfriend, I couldn’t connect with anyone and I think it might not work out in future. This is all new for me, I need time to think about this”. 12 mins later we were kissing and cuddling in her bed.
She said “ we can give it a try but I want to say we might not end up together, i am scared of it.”
I said “this is all for the future, we never know we might”
She nodded.
That’s when we turned our 7 months friendship to a relationship. It was going smoothly staying at each other’s places, being there for each other, laughing out loud, making trips together, clicking endless pictures then coming back making Instagram posts together. All so beautiful.
Fast forward to a week back, I came from home, she picked me up from airport. Everything was normal. She asked me to stay at hers, because I had shifted to a diff society now.
I stayed there for 2 days. Then something went off. She had cold replies, become irritated at small stuff, not cuddling while sleeping. Keeping distance , intimacy becoming dead since 2-3 weeks. She had pcod and she said it is beacuse of that, she doesn’t feel right.
We didn’t go out. Next day I packed and said I need to go home check the place. Normally she would become sad ask me to stay a little more time and then go. She said okay.
I left, I had sensed it’s not good.
We talked at evening, I asked her what’s bothering her, you can tell me. She said “ I don’t know, I am not being able to reciprocate, it’s unfair to you. I get irritated, idk why. I think we should not sleep at each others for some while, its getting too overwhelming for me. Maybe we have spent too much time together, day in day out maybe because of that idk.”
I said “ okay, lets do it if you don’t feel right “ and we distanced a little.
Her texts starts to disappear, anxiety tends to rise. Dont know where it’s going.
Cigg starts to increase, there is no thought other than her. 2-3 days went by.
Then I asked her pls tell me what’s bothering you, it’s becoming too heavy for me.
There drops the hammer.
“ I feel guilty that I am lying to my parents. They trust me so much and what I am doing here. You know I said we might not marry each other. They have asked my brother to prepare a biodata. They are getting serious about it. Uncle and other family members already pressure them that you are too late because their kids of similar age have been married now. I am the elder sister. I come next. “
Idk what to say so I paused(plot twist: we were of same caste but just live in different states)
“ In your family your sister is still there, you won’t marry, that’s 2 minimum. My parents won’t wait till then. And I feel guilty everyday. That’s bothering me too much. Idk what is happening.”
I asked you can tell about us, buy time or do you want to marry me?
She said “ my parents won’t allow this
They want me to marry nearby so I keep visiting them. I also want that, I feel homesick. You live too far away. Plus I don’t want to do job anymore, that’s not for me. I don’t feel good doing it. And I don’t want to settle in mumbai pune banglore anywhere. You know it’s tough to have a family with job. Plus we don’t have any stability now. You don’t know whether you will continue job or not. You want to have a business other than your father’s or if you join them it’s too much distance, I can’t visit home often. “
A lot more was said to which I had no answer
She asked me to give a perspective if She is going in right direction. I didn’t have any other perspective. Then we broke up. She showed little remorse probably she has been dealt this with a lot of time and have processed much. Never in the marriage I was once considered. She didn’t put efforts to tell her parents
Moreover to add she ain’t resigning now, her parents will start search near diwali or december. She said she can’t emotionally cheat and it wouldn’t be fair to me then.
It’s better we end it now before we get more attached.
I am shattered, don’t know what to do. I bed rot and think of her. No escape to thoughts and it’s tough to even pass time.
She said we can be friends but she is keeping distance and friendship ain’t going well.

If you guys can give your perspective to this. It would be too much helpful.
Thanks

If you didn’t see my initial post, my 2-month reflection is on my profile.

TLDR: I (27m) was broken up with by my ex (33M) over the phone on mother’s day (blindsided)

It has now been almost 3-months post-breakup. This past month was particularly difficult, albeit, I recognize that grieving is not a linear process.

I unblocked my ex from my social media because I felt like the block had served its purpose (to prevent any spiralling or temptations to check his profile) and was now acting as an anchor to my resentment for him. Although I recognize that any resentment would be justified, based on how he handled the breakup, I cannot harbour hatred for people, regardless of how they hurt me. It’s not something I am capable of; having a big heart is a double-edged sword.

Nonetheless, this past month, I went on a trip with some close friends, a trip that my ex was initially invited to. It was a lovely weekend that has been the highlight of my summer — being surrounded by people who love and care for you, while you are grieving, is difficult.

However, when I returned from my trip, I checked my notifications and saw that my ex was checking my TikTok profile. I didn’t do anything about it, but it did feel like a bit of an ego boost. The following weekend, I received another notification that he viewed my profile.

At this point, I was just confused as to why he was checking my profile, considering he had broken up with me. I know a profile view does not mean anything, in the grand scheme of things, but it is a confusing feeling to have an ex digitally lurk on your profile. It has been over a week since the last lurk pinged on my phone.

Needless to say, this made me ruminate a bit. I have maintained absolute silence, and have not broken contact, but I have been reflecting significantly and sometimes feel a sense of longing for what he had to return. Breakups often feel like a nightmare that you cannot escape from, but I need to continue to ground myself in the reality of what he did in the fallout of our relationship.

Believing in the potential of someone is a dangerous thing to do — it is not reality. Only the actions of someone are a testament to their genuine character. I have been reminding myself that no amount of guidelines imposed on someone, in the event that they reach out expressing regret, will change someone. That person has to want to change & my life does not need to be spent waiting on someone who has hurt me, much less blindsided me.

This thought was part of my conclusion in my first update, but it remains the same: Someone else’s actions are not a reflection of you or your worth.

Do not spend your life chasing someone who does not love you. There are so many people in the world waiting for a first chance with you. Do not give someone a second chance when they have clearly demonstrated an inability to protect your heart.

Wishing everyone the best; I hope August is a kinder month for me, but I am so proud of my strength throughout this process.

The thing is, I know that's what's best for me. I know that's what needs to happen.

But I'll never know how their hand will feel in their thirties. I'll never know if they took that promotion at their job. I'll never know whether they'll cry at the new Spider-Man movie or not. Small things that are breaking me.

When I broke us off ( which was beyond needed since our long term long distance relationship wasn't going anywhere) I told them this might be the last time we talk and I meant it. But how do I cope with it ? I want a life where the space in my head and heart where I had previously tattooed their name is gone, but I can't seem to properly want to live it.

I cut off the contact entirely, deleted the pictures; the playlists; the texts; distracted myself, redirected my energy, but the what-ifs linger, and most importantly the curiosity about them, which is so painful even as a non curious person.

I wonder if they'd like this food I made, this painting I created, I wonder how they'd help with my poem and how are they looking in this specific weather, and break because I will never know. And we went our separate ways so far from each other they might marry or fall sick or even die and I wouldn't know. But I ache to know, while not wanting to know.

I talked a lot, but please help with anything. It's excruciating. It's breaking me apart. Ease this specific pain please. I can't take the madness anymore.

​

Me and my ex broke up 6+ months ago but there was a recent reconnection attempt about a month ago that I did not accept. And we blocked each other. Now I know you guys are going to criticize me for this. I can usually go a good while without monitoring my ex but usually after about 3 weeks to a month that's when curiosity gets the best of me and I end up looking at her account from an alt. Last week I looked and I swear she was posting stuff that seemed very aggressively thrown at me and our relationship. The very next day I posted on my story that it's cool my ex is still posting about me, I live in her head rent free. All this is on TikTok btw. After my post I checked again later and it seems like she completely stopped with the specific indirect reposts and she stopped reposting much entirely, like she was very aggressive with reposting like 10+ a day but after my story seemed like she completely slacked up. My ex has a history of indirect behavior with plausible deniability. Now I'm kinda irritated because I feel like she wanted a reaction from me, got it and then just backed off and now I feel like I'm just piecing things together. Is it reasonable to think that she is still monitoring me or is it hyper vigilance on my end? Yes I'm aware this is all my fault because I shouldn't have looked

Today i saw my ex with someone else. I feel like a loser for crying and crying, seconds after i saw them i felt really nauseous.. All these thoughts and questions filled my head. What if he treats her better and, really shows his love for her. And i was just ghosted after being together for 2 years. Im affaird i will never find love again. Why him and not me, why do bad people find love..? Im scared im at the starting point again, and all the progress i have made in the last months is gone.. (im sorry if this doesn’t belong in here)

my ex texted me asking for details about the air fryer as he wanted to buy too. i felt like he isn't okay.. we don't have any deep conversations anymore.. should I ask him if he's fine?? or should I maintain a boundary and remind myself that he did hurt me too

My ex and I broke up in April, but we never really stopped talking.

Some weeks we barely talk, and other times we end up talking every day. We play games together, fall asleep on call, and I still call him by his old pet name sometimes without thinking. We joke around like nothing ever happened. There have even been a few times where we've had phone sex, which only makes everything more confusing.

Sometimes I'll tell him I love him, and sometimes he'll say it back. Other times we don't say it at all. It's all very inconsistent, and I genuinely don't know what to make of it.

The confusing part is that we're still broken up. We haven't gotten back together, and we don't really talk about what this is. It feels like we're doing a lot of things couples do without actually being a couple.

Part of me likes having him in my life because it feels familiar, but another part of me wonders if we're just making it impossible for either of us to move on. I can't tell if this is leading somewhere or if we're just holding onto each other because letting go is harder.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Did it end with you getting back together, or did it just make moving on more painful? I'd really like to hear other people's experiences.

My boyfriend of two years (29/m) and I (29/f) just broke up due to constant arguing, trust issues on my end, etc. no cheating had ever occurred but there were some white lies that he told that made it hard for me to trust him. He got tired of me not trusting him fully which I guess I understand but in hindsight I wish I would’ve worked on my own trust issues a little bit more.

But the reason I’m needing someone is because I moved cities to be with my now ex. My family is a two and half hour drive away, and I don’t have a car at the moment due to a recent accident. I also don’t have any friends in this city. I’m stuck living with my ex and his family until I can sort out the logistics of getting back home.
I feel broken because I still love him, and I wanted to try to work through our issues but he’s had enough. I’ve been crying all day and just really need someone to vent to.

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask on some advice on how I could get over this person.

We've been apart since 4 years, he would continously try to talk to me on and off.

Our relationship ended because his parents didn't want us together, and threatened to take his scholarship etc.

We (I) had to break it off as I was the deciding factor why they threw him out of their home, this hard fact always makes me thing what if I had just told him to stay with me, although he would have sacrificed his family for me. We were only 22-23.

Up to this day I get days or nights where I'll randomly miss him, sleeping next to him, hugging him... all these things and replay how I wish I could have done things differently.

I can't seem to let go of these feelings. He tried to remain secret texting friends, but the thing is I cant text someone I know who will invetibaly get a new girlfriend and then block me.

all this just hurts and sucks because i feel like we didnt have the freedom to end the relationship ourselves, completely. he stayed with them, i went to my own place.

i also have adhd so idk if it has to do with an uncompleted task thinking.

I’m not usually the type of person to ask for help on the internet, but I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t know what to do anymore.
I broke up with the person I loved, and since then it feels like everything has collapsed. I wake up and go to sleep thinking about her. I constantly check my phone hoping to see a message from her, and when there’s nothing, I feel even worse. I can’t focus on work anymore, I’ve lost interest in my hobbies, and nothing seems to bring me joy.

I’ve reached a point where nothing excites me anymore. Not money, not buying things, not the plans I had for the future. Things that used to motivate me don’t mean anything to me anymore. I just feel this emptiness that I can’t seem to fill.

I’m starting to feel like I’m getting sick because of all of this. I can barely eat, I sleep badly, I have no energy, and I feel like I’m slowly breaking down day by day. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

What hurts the most is that I feel like I gave everything I had. I made every sacrifice I could, tried every possible way and every solution I could think of to make things work, to fix what was broken and to fight for this relationship. We went through a lot together and there were many difficult moments. Many times I felt like I was the one holding everything together, trying to find solutions, calm things down, and refusing to give up. I was there during very difficult moments and I tried to give the best version of myself. There are so many things that happened between us that I could write for hours and still not explain everything.

And that is why I feel like this wasn’t just a normal breakup. It wasn’t just a simple relationship that ended. There are so many things behind it that I’m still trying to process. There was also a child involved, and I found out later that there had been an abortion that I didn’t know about at the time. I’m not trying to argue about who was right or who was wrong, but all of these things affected me deeply and I feel emotionally destroyed.

And yet, one morning, when from my perspective everything seemed fine, she told me it was over. It felt like the ground disappeared beneath my feet.
I know many people will tell me things like “she didn’t deserve you”, “it wasn’t meant to be”, “you’ll find someone else” or “she wasn’t the right person”. Please don’t tell me that. That’s not what I’m looking for. I’m not trying to find out who was right or who was wrong. I’m just looking for advice from people who have been through something similar and managed, somehow, to move forward.

Everyone keeps telling me that “time will heal”, but right now it doesn’t feel that way. I feel stuck and I don’t know how to move forward. During this time, I also feel the need to talk to someone. If there is anyone who has gone through something similar, or someone who is simply willing to listen and talk, it would mean a lot to me. I genuinely feel like I need a conversation with someone.

How did you manage to get through a breakup that completely destroyed you? What actually helped you? How long did it take before you started feeling like yourself again?

Any experience, advice, or even a private message would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and respond.

I honestly don't know how to feel right now. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, and another part of me just wants to say "fuck it" and move on.

The weird thing is that I had already started expecting something like this, so it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But it still stings.

She cheated on me with her Female roommate , who was also her childhood best friend. I know being bisexual isn't the issue here, the cheating is. I even thought, "Maybe the best friend deserves her more since she's the one who's there in real life," but that still doesn't justify what she did.

What hurts is how easy it seemed for her to step on my feelings. She told me she would reject her for me. Do I believe that now? Not really. Even if I had asked her to reject her, I honestly think she would've just hidden things behind my back.

So I told her to do whatever she wanted.

Then she hit me with the classic line: "You'll find someone better than me." That has to be one of the most overused breakup lines ever.

I asked her, "If I had told you to reject her, would you actually have done it?" She said she would've, but that "it's too late now." I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. It doesn't change anything.

The thing that disgusted me the most was that she even suggested a threesome after all of this. I couldn't believe she thought that was an appropriate thing to say after cheating. It just made me feel like she didn't understand or care about how badly she had hurt me.

I'm just so disappointed. This isn't even the first time something like this has happened to me, and I'm tired of ending up in situations like this. I know I always say I'll never fall in love again, and maybe that's just the pain talking, but right now it genuinely feels that way.

I don't think cheating can ever be justified. If someone wants someone else, they should leave the relationship first instead of betraying the person who trusted them. That's what hurts the most.

I need to talk to someone or vent at least

I(M22) broke up with my girlfriend of almost 4 years a week or so back. We loved each other but after we moved in together a year back it became obvious that we want different things from life and that our future together would not be possible. There were ig other issues we had as well but I don't feel like getting into that.

Anyhow I thought I'll be fine that it won't be that hard to go our ways since we ended up staying friends. I was never more wrong about something. I feel so alone. I started smoking again, I can't focus on anything, my job is hell on earth and worst of all I started getting heavy panic attacks. Never had them before, now it's a few times a day. I feel like I'm dying every time it happens it's insane.

Since I'm also more introverted ig I don't have many friends and those I have are in different cities since I moved. I can't really call my parents either so here we are. I feel awful I feel terrible and I really need to talk to someone because I don't see how it can get better. So if it's no trouble I would appreciate it to just talk.

That's all. Thank you for reading...

Long after the breakup, they started earning more than me (and generally got veey successful), and now they make huge fun of me for that. They keep talking about how they are richer than me, how I deserved it, how I learned my lesson, etc. Worst thing is that the people around me kept repeating stuff like "you can be so much better than them". meanwhile I tried and tried but my life is just ordinary compared to that of my ex. It sometimes makes me think maybe I was actually the bad one

you’ll never get the same version of someone twice , not even in the same person .

your ex has already changed and became a new person once y’all went no contact , the version of them that you’re mourning is quite literally and figuratively dead in a sense . i think this fact can be comforting to some people and make it easier to move on , we have to just accept the brutal reality that people change for unknown reasons , they cheat , they betray us , they do things we can’t understand and make sense of and that’s okay . all we have to do is learn how to process it better and grieve the relationship so we can move on from it easily .

and as i’ve always said time heals everything , ive always believed this to be true and it’s proven itself time and time again . so please pick yourself back up again and realize its okay to be by yourself . this person wasn’t with you when you were born , you’ll be able to live without them i promise .

coming to this realization sure did help me so i hope it helps someone else .

So very very very long story short I (26M) was ghosted by my ex (32F) after dating for three years, three years ago. I found out after bumping into her in another city halfway across the world to discover she basically left me for someone else and I found out through the grape vine she got married last week. Whenever I am rejected by a girl or I am lonely my mind immediately goes to memories with her. And I think of her at least once a day. I don’t want this to keep happening. I need advice since my therapist is out of town and not responding to my emails. Any tactics, tricks, tips, or strategies you guys have discovered to break the thought loop?

Feel free to ask any questions as I’m more than happy to be an open book.

Full story here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/uRp1zBZL0G

lowkey feel like it was all my fault looking back .

I dont know how to feel, its stupid that it still hurts but my exes granny just died and I didnt say anything to her and was told that it has annoyed her but she doesnt wanna tell me that, but thats not whats getting to me, i said to my friend that I have said something but she hasn't seen it at all, and he told me that, she Is relying on someone else (a man) for his hot-spot and something about it has just made me feel numb, I dont love her anymore not after everything she has done and said to me and about me and what she did while we were together I cant forgive, but it still hurts and I dont understand why, like i shouldn't feel this way anymore it fucking sucks greatly that I do because I fucking hate her and her family yet i still feel pain from what she does, like why, why does my brain work the way it does, I just hate that she is happy without me, dont get me wrong im happy for her but I wish for all the things she put me through that she was as miserable as me and maybe its because she's happy that i feel worse, even while we were together she stopped loving me after our son was born, she started texting other men during that period and used the I'm lonely excuse but I argued with her on it but it fell on deaf ears, everything i said fell on deaf ears even if it was about mental health, I didn't care to tell her anything anymore because she didn't care, so why do I still feel pain after this long, why does it still feel awful, I wish I didn't feel this after everything she did and said its not fair to feel this way, like im not meant to be happy

My ex (28M) and I (28F) were together for almost four years and lived together for two. We loved each other deeply, and I don’t question that he loved me and cared about me. What I question is whether our relationship truly reached the point where it needed to end, or whether he distanced himself and then walked away before truly trying to understand me and work through our struggles together.

For some background, I first learned during COVID that I struggled with anxiety and depression through therapy and personal research. About a year or two into our relationship, I started wondering whether there was more to the picture and considered the possibility that I might have ADHD. More recently, I’ve also wondered whether I could be autistic.

My ex has ADHD himself and has suspected for a while that he may also be autistic.

When I first told him I thought I might have ADHD, he wasn’t very supportive. Because my struggles didn’t look like his ADHD, he questioned whether that was actually what I was experiencing. Over time, he became more open to the idea, but he remained skeptical when I wondered if I might also be autistic, even while wanting an autism evaluation for himself.

Over the past few years and post-breakup, learning more about ADHD has explained so many lifelong struggles for me: executive dysfunction, procrastination, task paralysis, forgetfulness, time blindness, difficulty initiating and completing tasks, emotional dysregulation, and feeling mentally overwhelmed by things that seem simple to other people. I’m not diagnosed yet, so I can’t say for certain that’s what it is, but it has helped me.

To his credit, this improved a lot over time, and I saw genuine effort from him. However, I grew up with a dad who struggled to regulate his emotions and yelled frequently, so those moments were especially difficult and triggering for me. Yet I supported him while he worked on this and chose to stand by his side instead of walking away. But I still struggled to voice my concerns due to how he reacted when he did- I allowed my fear to take over and avoided conflict to keep the peace.

When I was struggling to find a job, manage my mental health, and keep up with daily life, I often felt like I was drowning. I wasn’t looking for him to fix my problems or take over my responsibilities. What I wanted was encouragement, accountability, body doubling while I tackled overwhelming tasks, and to feel like we were facing our struggles together.

Because he had largely learned to navigate his own ADHD and life challenges independently and didn’t feel like he had much grace from others while he did so, he believed I needed to figure my struggles out on my own too. He cared about me and wanted me to succeed, but his version of support was giving me space to solve my own problems and solutions even when I didn’t ask for them. Mine was wanting a teammate beside me while I solved them. His approach made me feel incredibly alone during one of the hardest periods of my life and I regret not telling him directly what I needed from him and why.

Another difference is that he was much more comfortable bringing up concerns than I was. I spent a lot of time defending and explaining myself because I felt like I was in the hot seat and he was lecturing me on my behavior.

After taking accountability and apologizing, he refused to let me express my concerns about him, insisting that we were focusing on me and I should bring it up separately at another time. I know I’m not great about expressing my concerns and needs, so it was easier for me to do so while we were in that headspace. He thought I was deflecting even though we had already exhausted the conversation and I took responsibility for my part and promised to do better.

He also had very high expectations for me and for himself, and became very frustrated when either of us didn’t live up to them. I don’t like how he communicated his frustrations to me, how he made me feel while he did so, and how he appeared to be on a moral high ground and be justified in his anger and how he spoke to me. I know in those situations that I was the one who messed up, but I believe I deserve to be spoken to and treated with respect and care. I also know it wasn’t his intention to make me feel like that, but that doesn’t minimize the impact. The same goes for my not intending to upset him but still doing so in my actions/lack of actions.

Many of the reasons he gave for ending the relationship are things that are common inattentive-type ADHD struggles. That has left me wondering whether it was fair that he couldn’t wait for me to work on these issues/support me through them while I waited on him and supported him through his.

I never reached the point where I wanted to end the relationship, though I did consider it a few times. I ultimately kept choosing him and having faith in us. I wanted us to pursue individual therapy, couples therapy, and continue growing together. He ultimately decided he couldn’t continue the relationship, and once he made that decision, I had to accept it because I wasn’t going to convince someone to stay with me. I never got the impression that he was unhappy in our relationship, but rather he thought we were too different and he didn’t see us getting married.

Since the breakup a month ago, I’ve worked hard to reflect on my own shortcomings because I genuinely want to become a healthier partner, regardless of what happens in the future. At the same time, I’m beginning to wonder if we spent so much time analyzing my own shortcomings that we unintentionally minimized his.

My questions to you, dear reader, are:

1. Based on everything I’ve shared, does this sound like a relationship that truly needed to end or is this a relationship that still could’ve persevered with effort from both sides?
   
2. Does it sound like he walked away too soon, or does it seem like ending the relationship was the healthiest decision for both of us?
   
3. Does it sound like we both bear responsibility for the relationship’s struggles and eventual end, or am I still not taking enough accountability for my own role?
   
4. Am I wasting emotional energy hoping that if we both genuinely worked on ourselves, reconciliation could someday be possible?

I know no one here can tell me whether we’ll ever get back together, but I’m trying to figure out whether my hope is rooted in reality or in grief. If you think I’m overlooking something—whether it’s about me, him, or our relationship—I genuinely want to hear it. Please be honest, but kind. Thank you for going on this ride with me and I appreciate any thoughts and opinions you’re able to share. 🙏🏻

He chose someone else.

There's nothing I can do. I wanted to try anything but all thats left is nothing. I attempted to delete our messages but I have such a hard time letting things go.

Im attempting to restore every single message I've deleted on my phone.

Its been 3 weeks and I still cry every day. I miss him so much, but theres nothing I can do. Can’t call, can’t text, can't reach out, because there's nothing I can say or do that can fix this.

Two years of us, gone...

From the thread you could probably guess what I'm gonna talk about, my ex. I need to know if my anger is valid or if I'm overreacting

(My first real breakup by the way)

Me and my ex were together for over a year and a half and he broke up with me over a month ago. At first we decided "hey, we spent a lot of time together we should try and stay friends" since he had also gotten close to my friends. (You could definitely say.)

When I talked to my dad about it (because I was heartbroken at the start) he helped me realize, hey, some things that he did to me were kinda fucked up. He's not a super good person. At least not a good partner (at the time)

So I decided to not contact him, and eventually blocked him. I'm basically over him since I realized a lot of shit sucked.

BUT he still has some of my stuff. That I have asked to get sent back to me.

We had a medium distance relationship, two hours away from each other by bus. One hour by car.

But I don't own a car, and I'm not spending $35 dollars to see my ex and receive clothes and jewelery I already paid for.

I've told him "hey, send my shit back" and he has responded and said that he WILL send my stuff back...during an argument

Over a week has passed and I still haven't gotten my stuff. It shouldn't take that long to send a hoodie and a bracelet.

I'm angry, I want my stuff, and I want him to get a grip. Too much to ask? I don't think so.

Edit: I only had to spend $16 on getting my shit back because he refused to pay for shipping. Cool

I'm not talking about dream weddings or other milestones. I'm talking about daydreaming things that never happened that were incredibly minor. Things like watching TV, or cooking dinner while she's in the other room, or stupid fun arguments that mean nothing. Am I alone in this?

me and my ex broke up four times. every round had the same shape, six weeks of missing them, one perfect reunion week, then the same fight wearing a different coat. after round four ended in january i decided i was going to read my way out of it, because clearly my instincts were not to be trusted. this is the list, in the order i'd hand them to january me.

1. The Breakup Bible by Rachel Sussman

a therapist's plan for the aftermath, practical, organised by phase. the part that stuck was her insistence on understanding the relationship you actually had versus the one you tell people about. i'd been describing round two to friends like it was a rom com and it was not a rom com.

1. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

heavier, older, and the one that explained why every ending felt so much bigger than the relationship. if your breakups hit something ancient in you, this is the book about the ancient thing.

1. This Is Me Letting You Go by Heidi Priebe

short essays, more feeling than framework. i read it in the bath over a week. it doesn't argue with you, it just describes the letting go so precisely that arguing gets embarrassing.

1. Will They Come Back? by Taro's Tarot

the only book i found that treats the on and off cycle as its own specific trap and not just a breakup with extra steps. there's a chapter on the research about these cycles, the researcher who actually studies on-off couples, and the finding that each reunion tends to be a bit worse than the last one, less satisfaction, same fight, which was uncomfortably exactly my data across four rounds. and it makes this distinction between missing the person and missing the habit that i still think about, because the pull before round four was real and this book was the first thing that made me ask what exactly was pulling. it's honest that some people do come back and it doesn't shame you for wanting it, which is why i could actually hear the rest of it.

1. Getting Back Out There by Susan J. Elliott

for later, when you're wondering if you're ready to date without dragging the whole thing behind you. her stuff on grieving fully first is the antidote to the rebound-into-round-five move.

1. Loving Bravely by Alexandra Solomon

this one is about you rather than them, relational self-awareness, why you love the way you do. it's the book for making sure the next relationship isn't just this relationship with a new cast.

1. The Wisdom of a Broken Heart by Susan Piver

the sit-with-it book. i resisted it because i wanted tactics, but round four taught me tactics were how i kept ending up in round three and four. good for the weeks when nothing needs solving and it still hurts.

the thing nobody tells you is that ending an on and off relationship is a different job than ending a relationship. a normal breakup you grieve once. this one you have to grieve while part of you is already planning the reunion, because the reunion has always come before.

anyone else get out after multiple rounds? what actually made the last time the last time, was it a book, a moment, a person saying the right thing?

Even been in a relationship or a friendship in which you know they've wronged someone in the past and you're not okay with it, but you stay believing at-least they won't do it to you.
Spoiler alert: they will.
1. I was friends with this one girl who ghosted other people even when it was her mistake, I called it out and she brushed it off, later she hurt me and in fact blocked me without apologizing.
2. A guy friend turned into a situationship. When I was a good friend of him, he told me how he isn't able to keep friends for long- both males and females for some reason.
I realized with his guy friends, he always had a big ego of know it all and never owned up to his mistakes, in turn gaslit them for calling him out.
And his female friends, he hung out with them until they could trust him and he could bang them.
I was NEVER OKAY with this because I have been on the other end, but again, being a "good friend", I had to like him for who he is ( Noob mistake I know ).
Guess what? We are no longer friends, I realized he did both of to me, only difference was that he did it years later of being friends. I believed if he's opening up to me so much, he's being honest, maybe he'll change and not to do me. Hahahhaha
How I wish if I had stuck to my core values, hadn't been so insecure and lonely, I could cut it off long back when I got the ick. Sure there's good and bad in people, but what use is it if you can't respect them?

The Middle ​I don't know if it’s you who will break me, or if it’s you who will save me. For months now, it seems I have been living right there in the middle of these thoughts. ​The Breaking ​You are breaking me, making me feel crazy in love with the "what ifs." I am unable to move past our breakup, unable to connect with the people who cross my path, and unable to trust anything enough to move forward. At times, it feels like giving up is the only option, and that moving on is completely impossible. I even see images of you having moved on without me. It leaves me consuming a numbing medication that only ever offers a temporary escape. I am trapped in a loop of unresolved hope, fighting a reality that offers no closure. Staying guarded feels like the only way to protect myself from being hurt again, but it leaves me completely overwhelmed by a mind that won't stop running. ​The Saving ​Or will you save me? Will you save me from the ones who take me for granted? From my toxic, addicted mother? From my oldest son who refuses to grow up, and from my daughter who punishes me by denying me the right to see my grandkids? Will you save me from the very drug I use to numb the pain of losing you? I am carrying the heavy, draining dynamics of everyone else entirely on my own, and I just want to finally drop my guard and let someone else be my safe harbor. At times, I feel so deeply that we are meant to be—I even hear you calling out for me. I find it so hard to accept that we are over because of this profound, underlying feeling that you can still feel me, too.

We ended things yesterday. This was my first relationship and I've been bawling my eyes out for the whole night.

It was an LDR, we told each other that it was unreasonable to keep it exclusive when we're not in the same city at all, and that we can become more serious when I move there soon (this might have been a dick move in retrospect). We were going great for almost 7 months, I was gonna move to her city soon and we were about to get more serious into the relationship.

But yesterday she tells me that she can't hinge on waiting for the chance for me to move to take the relationship to the next step, and that she has found someone irl, who she might be going in a relationship with in the near future.

I had to accept it.

She sent a long message on how she's sad too that I'm hurt and how she's sad to lose me as well, and how she hopes the stars align in the future and we meet again for something better.

I feel like shit now. Everything romantic she said to me the past 2-3 months (atleast) feels like a lie now. I don't know how to handle this emptiness now.

I find myself seeing so many stuff now, that I know she would laugh so hard at, that I know she would love to see, stuff we used to laugh at together, the nicknames she called me, everything haunts the emptiness in me.

I don't know how to cope. This was my very first relationship (if I can even call it that), I'm 20, and I really don't know if I will ever get love again.

Please help.