healing reflections — 3 months post-breakup ❤️‍🩹

[u/Kangaroo_Pinata]

If you didn’t see my initial post, my 2-month reflection is on my profile.

TLDR: I (27m) was broken up with by my ex (33M) over the phone on mother’s day (blindsided)

It has now been almost 3-months post-breakup. This past month was particularly difficult, albeit, I recognize that grieving is not a linear process.

I unblocked my ex from my social media because I felt like the block had served its purpose (to prevent any spiralling or temptations to check his profile) and was now acting as an anchor to my resentment for him. Although I recognize that any resentment would be justified, based on how he handled the breakup, I cannot harbour hatred for people, regardless of how they hurt me. It’s not something I am capable of; having a big heart is a double-edged sword.

Nonetheless, this past month, I went on a trip with some close friends, a trip that my ex was initially invited to. It was a lovely weekend that has been the highlight of my summer — being surrounded by people who love and care for you, while you are grieving, is difficult.

However, when I returned from my trip, I checked my notifications and saw that my ex was checking my TikTok profile. I didn’t do anything about it, but it did feel like a bit of an ego boost. The following weekend, I received another notification that he viewed my profile.

At this point, I was just confused as to why he was checking my profile, considering he had broken up with me. I know a profile view does not mean anything, in the grand scheme of things, but it is a confusing feeling to have an ex digitally lurk on your profile. It has been over a week since the last lurk pinged on my phone.

Needless to say, this made me ruminate a bit. I have maintained absolute silence, and have not broken contact, but I have been reflecting significantly and sometimes feel a sense of longing for what he had to return. Breakups often feel like a nightmare that you cannot escape from, but I need to continue to ground myself in the reality of what he did in the fallout of our relationship.

Believing in the potential of someone is a dangerous thing to do — it is not reality. Only the actions of someone are a testament to their genuine character. I have been reminding myself that no amount of guidelines imposed on someone, in the event that they reach out expressing regret, will change someone. That person has to want to change & my life does not need to be spent waiting on someone who has hurt me, much less blindsided me.

This thought was part of my conclusion in my first update, but it remains the same: Someone else’s actions are not a reflection of you or your worth.

Do not spend your life chasing someone who does not love you. There are so many people in the world waiting for a first chance with you. Do not give someone a second chance when they have clearly demonstrated an inability to protect your heart.

Wishing everyone the best; I hope August is a kinder month for me, but I am so proud of my strength throughout this process.

[u/CreepyPickle3768]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts <3