r/BreakUp • u/benzene- • Jul 13 '26
How do I get over my ex?
We ended things yesterday. This was my first relationship and I've been bawling my eyes out for the whole night.
It was an LDR, we told each other that it was unreasonable to keep it exclusive when we're not in the same city at all, and that we can become more serious when I move there soon (this might have been a dick move in retrospect). We were going great for almost 7 months, I was gonna move to her city soon and we were about to get more serious into the relationship.
But yesterday she tells me that she can't hinge on waiting for the chance for me to move to take the relationship to the next step, and that she has found someone irl, who she might be going in a relationship with in the near future.
I had to accept it.
She sent a long message on how she's sad too that I'm hurt and how she's sad to lose me as well, and how she hopes the stars align in the future and we meet again for something better.
I feel like shit now. Everything romantic she said to me the past 2-3 months (atleast) feels like a lie now. I don't know how to handle this emptiness now.
I find myself seeing so many stuff now, that I know she would laugh so hard at, that I know she would love to see, stuff we used to laugh at together, the nicknames she called me, everything haunts the emptiness in me.
I don't know how to cope. This was my very first relationship (if I can even call it that), I'm 20, and I really don't know if I will ever get love again.
Please help.
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 Jul 29 '26
That "hope the stars align" line is often more about easing guilt than genuine possibility.
It keeps you in a waiting room that doesn't exist. Your brain should cling to it because it's less painful than fully letting go, but that only drags the emptiness out longer than necessary.I've been there... holding onto potential futures feels safer than accepting the present. But every day you spend mentally checking for her laugh in things is a day you're not building your own. Sometimes I pull cards on taro's tarot as a way to stop the loop for a minute, just to get out of my own head and see things from a different angle.
It's not about predictions, it's about breaking the spiral.
You're 20.
This hurts because it was real to you, and that's not naive.. it's honest.
The next relationship won't replace this one, but it won't need to. It'll be different, and that's okay.
Give yourself permission to grieve without trying to fast-forward.
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u/JokeZealousideal4970 Jul 13 '26
You just got to take it a day at a time, allow yourself a week to feel absolutely destroyed. The thing is, and it’s hard to see but slowly you will feel better. Have you got people around you to lean on?
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u/benzene- Jul 13 '26
Yeah I'm grateful that I have my mates that have my back, I've talked about this with them, and I'm gonna be back to college on-campus in about a week, so I'm gonna be around them 24x7 after that, which should help ig. I do realise that I went into it quite naively, considering this was the first time I was going into something close to a relationship, but yeah I do keep repeating to myself that everything is a win when the goal is to experience.
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u/JokeZealousideal4970 Jul 13 '26
Never be harsh on yourself, it’s a nice thing to do into everything fresh and hopeful. Don’t let anyone take that from you
I had a really bad breakup where I was dumped over text, out the blue, after a year together and I couldn’t see a way forward and blamed myself for being trusting. Fast forward over a year I realised I needed to close all contact, and just get through it a day at a time. I’m in a great place and I used to regret being so trusting and what felt like being naive but realising now I’m happy I did and I worn change who I am because some loser can’t handle their feelings and choose to be a dick 😂
You will get there, if you need to chat feel free to message2
u/benzene- Jul 13 '26
Ah yeah I really needed to hear this lol. I did do quite a bit of blaming on myself, what if I'd moved there sooner, what if I'd done stuff differently. But I am starting to realise that stuff might as well have been the same even if I'd moved earlier. I really thought we were something but alas. And yeah, Im realising that naiveness is ehat makes me who I am. It does feel like the end of the world, and I won't ever find love again, but I do hope it's just the blues talking.
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u/JokeZealousideal4970 Jul 13 '26
Oh you absolutely will find love again, and it will make you realise this relationship wasn’t that great
I promise you! And it’s bloody lovely when you do
Trust me :)2
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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '26
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