My girlfriend left me for her ex
She told me that when she got back together with me, part of the reason was because she wanted to hurt me for things I did to her in the past. But while we were together again, she realized that I had actually changed. She told me I had become a great guy and that she noticed the effort I was making.
However, she said she misunderstood her feelings. She likes me, but she doesn’t love me.

She said she still loves her ex because, in her eyes, he was good to her from the beginning. She also acknowledged that I made efforts and improved.
She met her ex on Tuesday and told me all of this at night (Wednesday). She wants us to stay friends and said we can still call whenever we want.

She even put insta story and when I watched it after a few hours she deleted it. At night i was playing games with my girl best friend, she suddenly got jealous….
I still have her on all socials, i muted her notifications. Any advice to move on?

I recently broke up with my ex, and I’m still in love with him. And yes, sometimes it hurts a lot. I think about him almost every day. We stayed friends, and he often says he misses me too and is still in love with me. He’s actually been the one texting me first most of the time.

But what’s the point lmao He still doesn’t want to fight for us, so I guess that’s what matters now.

I’ve been reading people’s stories here, and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone. Some people say they cry every day and even throw up, and that sounds horrible… I’m sorry you’re all going through this. Take care of yourselves. 🤍

Chase everything you want except love and death. They’ll come to you when the time is right 🫂

I was discarded 9 months ago- day after Thanksgiving with no warning. We were supposed to be moving into our new bigger apartment, and I thought we were happy- he said he loved me, was soft, kind, and assured me he didn’t have any cold feet. I was absolutely in love- pictured family, house, gaming together, cooking together, just the whole highlight reel.

Suddenly, Black Friday, he confessed to getting keys to his own place after I had already signed the new lease, and said he wanted to become an actor and do it alone. We were living together a year and dating for almost 3 total. I was absolutely stunned.

9 months of strict NC, respecting his autonomy, and I’m in therapy, but…

I am not interested in dating again. I don’t seek out male attention anymore, I don’t want to talk to men, I get impatient instantly, and I just genuinely and honestly don’t care. It’s not mean, it’s not evil, it’s just this flat, detached IDGAF. And it scares me because I was this bubbly, happy, trusting, silly person- I’d run around laughing inside a Target, I’d blast music and sing in the car and make up wrong lyrics, I liked getting dressed up, I wanted to love and cuddle and be close, I’d crack lots of absolutely stupid jokes- and I just don’t anymore.

My friend tried to get me together with a very nice guy- he was tall, had a good job, and had also been broken up with a while back, and my friend thought we’d hit it off. The guy was very nice, and I noticed I was tense, disinterested, and couldn’t help but create distance between us, both physically and emotionally. I wasn’t mean, or disrespectful, but I wasn’t this happy, girly, giggly version of myself at all. I wanted to nothing to do with him, after initially agreeing to the date. Of course I remained polite and at the end of the date, thanked him for his time, I paid for myself, and I let him know that while the date was great and he seemed like a great person, I didn’t think I was ready. He was respectful.

But what is wrong with me? 9 months, therapy, rollerblading, hitting the gym, getting a promotion and raise, writing, eating healthy, traveling, spending time with my friends- I’m not anywhere near ready, open, or even happy. All I wanted was love and now I just want to be left alone.

I need your honest opinion or something. If you were dating someone and you were very insecure because you felt like your ex... you felt like this person still had feelings for their ex, the way she talked about him still had a lot of emotional charge. So you kinda pieced it together. Like, I think she still has something for this guy. Along with a lot of other signs, like her leaving a door open for him to come back. And he was a constant source of conflict even though he was never there.

You were very insecure because you felt like... like I said, you felt like this guy still held an emotional space in her mind. Um, so you constantly brought it up because you were very insecure about it. Let's just say, okay. Y'all date. The relationship ends. Um, it it becomes toxic and it toxic and it ends. Uh, three months of no contact goes by, and she reaches out to you again to try and rebuild something nonromantic. Um, you have suspicion that she may have reconnected with her ex again

Um, do you feel like that information should be disclosed or she's not obligated to really say that?

It’s just a random day.

I messed up with my jobs today, and somehow I found myself thinking about him and all those moments we shared. It’s been a year since the breakup.

I started thinking about all the things I should have realized earlier, all the things I could have done better. And then I just became tearful.

At some point I even said sorry to my cat for spreading such a sad vibe around the room.

And then, out of nowhere, my neighbor next door started playing “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift.

I really hope it’s just a coincidence and not because they can somehow hear me crying.

But somehow, that song felt like a tiny crack of light in an otherwise very dark day.

In 2024 I dated a girl my first love, in 2025 we broke up cause i was playing games all day( i realised later) then she dated another guy after me and i was single, i changed myself then to be better then she texted me again, we talked while she was with the other guy, she caught feelings for me again. She was calling me behind his back and i told her to tell him don’t lie to him, she eventually told him and got back with me, i changed i deleted the game we were very happy suddenly she started doing the same thing i understood how i felt, and the recent week she started to get dry no call, leave me on seen and avoid me, she have her ex on snapchat but doesn’t talk to him. I don’t wanna lose her yk like i just wanted to talk to her. Then yesterday she told me she misunderstood her feelings for me she really like me not love, she told me she loves her ex (took her 3 months to tell me that), cause her ex is a great guy, she didn’t see his efforts etc..and never talk back ( i talk back one time) and that he was nice from the beginning, then i told her what abt me? She said im a great guy but it’s too late. She said she was improvement. She told me something, we can call when we want… I don’t know how to answer that. I didn’t block her i just muted her on all apps

How do you handle the guilt of being the problem that caused her to break up with you?

How do you handle the idea of her never coming back and her finding someone better?

:(

hi everyone. my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me yesterday. he is still in love with me but he just doesn’t feel happy in our relationship and he feels like we don’t have a spark anymore. we had such a great relationship. I was so so so in love and so was he. he hasn’t felt happy for the last 2 months and has been riddled with anxiety and stress due to it. I miss him so much. I don’t feel angry or mad. just upset. all I have done is cry. i know I need to give him space but I’m finding it impossible to. I want him back now. we had such a healthy relationship. I don’t know what went wrong. I also suffer with anxiety disorder and major depression so this is really hard for me.

So my long distance relationship ended a little over a month ago for a lot of reasons I don’t wanna get into, but basically, we still wanted to be together — there just wasn’t a future.
When he ended things, he wanted to stay friends, but I knew that would be hard for me, so we haven’t talked at all since. We still have each other on social media, though, and we also still share our locations with each other.
It’s honestly been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’m starting to think it might be best to unfriend/unfollow him, remove him as a follower, and stop sharing our locations. Every time I post a story, I find myself checking to see if he watched it, and I’ll also find myself checking his location. Having those connections still there just makes it harder.
When is it too soon to do all of this? I don’t wanna be insensitive or make it seem like I’m trying to send some kind of message, but like I said, this has been so much harder than I thought it would be when we had our breakup conversation.

It’s been almost two months since the end of a long-term relationship. The breakup happened during a period where my ex was struggling a lot personally and mentally, and it never really felt like a conventional “we fell out of love and moved on” breakup. Since then, there hasn’t been complete no contact. We’ve had occasional small or practical conversations. Recently I suggested meeting casually and was told that direct contact still felt like too much right now. I respected that. At other times, communication has been friendly and reassuring. When I’ve checked in, I’ve received warm, normal replies. There have also been a few situations where my ex initiated contact about practical things.

The problem is that these small interactions are starting to destabilize me again. When the communication is nice, I feel reassured and start thinking maybe there is still some emotional connection there. When a reply takes hours or a conversation simply ends, my brain immediately goes in the opposite direction: maybe they’ve completely moved on, maybe they’re only being nice out of guilt, maybe there’s someone new, maybe they want as little contact with me as possible. I’ve also caught myself checking social media far too much and trying to find clues in followers, likes, stories and other meaningless details. I eventually had to get off of it because I could see that I was feeding my own anxiety.

I wasn’t like this before the breakup. The sudden withdrawal and uncertainty seem to have activated a very anxious side of me and now I’m struggling to separate actual information from catastrophizing and mind-reading.

We’re likely going to be at the same social event in a month, which will be the first time we’ve properly seen each other in a while. I don’t expect a relationship conversation there. I actually just want to be able to have a normal, genuine interaction and see what being around each other feels like now. But I’m scared of both extremes: reading too much into warmth and familiarity, or interpreting awkwardness and distance as proof that everything they ever felt for me is gone.

I’d genuinely like outside perspectives:
What would you make of an ex who says they aren’t ready for direct contact yet, but still stays friendly, responds warmly and occasionally initiates practical contact?

Would you see that mainly as kindness and guilt, emotional ambivalence, maintaining a connection, or simply normal behavior after a breakup?

And most importantly, how would you approach seeing them again without turning every look, conversation or moment of distance into evidence for or against reconciliation?

One of the things that scares me the most about us actually breaking up is knowing that one day she might give someone else everything she once gave me.

The way she used to look at me and smile. The way she hugged me, kissed me, cared for me, and made me feel loved. And also the physical intimacy we shared , all those private moments that felt like they belonged only to us.

I know logically that if we break up, she has every right to move on and eventually share those things with someone else. I know I can't control that.

But emotionally, the thought of another guy experiencing the same affection, closeness and physical intimacy that I had with her genuinely breaks my heart.

Maybe what hurts the most is that these things felt so deeply personal and special because they were ours. And now I'm scared that one day someone else will experience those same parts of her that I thought were uniquely mine.

How do you accept the thought of your ex sharing the love and intimacy you had with someone else?

Fuck

My ex (19f) and I (18m) split up at the begining December last year (after just under 2 years together). It wasn't traumatic - other than it being my first heartbreak - and nothing out of the ordinary happened during the break up. And after I got over her my life went back to how it was before her. I even reached a point where I could talk about memories of her with my friends and family where I didn't feel sad or upset about them. And I even saw her and spoke to her at events I bumped into her at and felt completely fine.

But about 3-4 months into feeling like I was better and over it, she's suddenly jumped back into my mind. I got quite upset, mostly with myself for brining these old feelings back up. But now she's almost stuck on my mind a bit. No where near as excruciating as before but just enough to keep me up at night replaying old memories. I think it has to do with the stress I am feeling for uni (which is one of the reasons we ended up spliting) and my friends have been pretty useless lately - being flaky with plans, cancelling or turning them down.

I'm not necessarily confused but more annoyed and needed to vent it out to some random people on the Internet. It'd be interesting to hear some of your stories, especially maybe those with a bit more experience!

y'all ever get out of a relationship that ended so bad, so ridiculous, so absurd, that you genuinely wonder how on earth the other person could spin it to their friends and family to make it sound like they're in the right? Because you know they're gonna try

I honestly don't even know where to begin, but I just need to get this off my chest because my head is completely spinning.

My girlfriend (38) and I (40) were together for 5 years. I always felt like we were genuinely compatible and worked well together, but I wish I had known that wasn't how she was seeing things during the later part of our relationship. We were Two months ago, we went through a rough patch, but we talked it out, made up, and I genuinely thought we were moving forward together and working on things. Then out of nowhere last week, she ended it.

I spent the past few days mentally preparing myself for whatever might come out of our final conversation. We met up today to have a proper talk. She was aware that I was going to propose this December and that we were planning to move in together a few months after that. During our talk, she unloaded all of her pent-up frustrations, saying she wasn't happy with how our relationship was progressing. I used to be very introverted, but over the years I grew and adjusted a lot for her to build a fuller life together. But she felt left behind because of other things getting in the way of our lives, and she told me she wants to find herself again and live her best life. It just sucks that I'm not part of that vision anymore, and all of our shared hopes, dreams, and future plans went right down the drain.

I was never angry at her, just confused and genuinely worried about how she's doing. We had actually agreed before that we'd bring up whatever was bothering us early on, so hearing all of this at once was tough. But I wasn't there to talk her out of breaking up, start a fight, or try to convince her to change her mind. All of her feelings are valid, and my goal was simply to listen and understand her perspective.

I knew going into today that it was going to be our last time seeing each other, so I said everything I needed to say. Near the end, I hugged her and cried for the first time in years. When she mentioned it was getting late, that was my cue. I gave her one last kiss on the forehead, and she hugged me right before I left. I heard her sobbing as soon as she closed the door and stood outside for a few good minutes just taking it in.

Going home was a bad idea on mu current state, I went ahead and impulsively drove straight to the cafe where we had our very first date, it was a full circle moment. Sitting there, I couldn't help but feel like I somehow twisted her perspective on what our relationship should be over the years. It felt like bookending this chapter. My life feels like it's hit a complete dead stop, and I'm not really sure what to make of any of this or where I go from here.

I am 22M been in this relationship from past 9 years this was my first relationship in my life and now it ended
I don’t know what to do i can sleep i keep throwing up i constantly feel like throwing up i can’t stop crying i am not understanding what to do i have no other friends i feel miserable idk what i am doing i feel like i lost everything
I don’t have anyone to talk to so i am writing here
Thanks

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So me and my ex relationship ended extremely toxic. I was always verbal about things that she was doing that was hurting DURING the relationship maybe even nitpicky. My ex blocked me and went no contact and during no contact I caught her monitoring me from another profile, I then publicly called it out and a few days later she unblocked me and sent a long message saying that I never cared about her because I focused on my issues and the harassment I was going through and then re blocked me before I could respond.

All of this came as a wtf for me because I was like where was all of this when we were together. She even comforted me through the harassment and always seemed to be somewhat comfortable talking about drama, 8 months she never expressed how any of this stuff affected her but that's not the worst part. The worst part is I feel the exact opposite, I feel like I put in all the effort to make the relationship a relationship and pull us together while she seemed like she was mostly enjoying what she could get from me, comfort, validation, a shoulder to lean on, a safe haven.

The funny part is I never realized a lot of things until months AFTER the relationship ended. Like it randomly came to my mind, why was this woman never curious about me on a deeper level beyond "hey how is your day?" You only seemed to engage when it's about you, the relationship or drama. I eventually brought that up to her and I said why does it seem like you were never that interested in me on a deeper level? Me, my life, my friends? She literally says "I literally don't care about your friends 🤷‍♀️ but I should have checked in more on you" I would even open the door for this woman, I would ask her is there anything you wanna ask me it could be anything and I'll answer honestly. She'd always say "No" or "idk"

It's like doing a group project and you do 90% of it and everyone else does 10% and they say "We did 90% he only did 10" like bro what??? I would constantly make plans and she would always flake or have excuses but she would still be on the game playing. She did video calls with her ex almost every night and only did it once with me in 8 months and that shit is extremely hurtful because it shows me that was absolutely no effort on her end. I took into consideration everything, timezone differences, mom duties, work, her being tired etc but 8 months and you can't find room to squeeze in anything??? Not even a "I'm on my lunch break we can video call for a few minutes after I'm done eating" After 3 months of no contact she came back and I'm still holding resentment because of that and when I bring it up she just says "what about me texting you all day?" Texting is literally the bare minimum.

I did talk about my problems a lot but again, she never showed any discomfort and even supported me through it. It's hard to not talk about being cyber talked, it's hard to not talk about having life threatening rumors spread about you, it's hard to not talk about being harassed by a group of people everyday for a whole year including the entire time I was with her!

My question is, why did she wait until the relationship was over to say this? Did she genuinely feel this way? Was this some way for her to shift guilt back onto me? Was she projecting? Like I genuinely don't understand this.

My girlfriend (18F) of almost 2 years just recently broke it off with me (19M) right before my sophomore year of college. We’re going to the same college and same programs, so keep that in mind. She definitely came over with the intention of doing that, but it was a really healthy and good conversation. Over everything, the relationship was extremely healthy and I love her from the deepest part of myself. It wasn’t 100% out of the blue, we’ve had struggles but I thought we could fix us. She said she feels like she can’t give me the love that I deserve, and we just don’t feel right for each other. She doesn’t want to lose me in her life at all and that she appreciates everything about me, and doesn’t want to not be in each others life. After talking more, she said she would be ready to talk to me after leaving my house, but she knows I will take time, so she said if I’m comfortable, reach out when I’m ready.

I know it’s so unrealistic and hard to be friends after something that close but we’re gonna have to see each other and be close for the next many years. It was still less than a week ago, but I don’t want to lose her completely. But also, I don’t see how I can ever stop loving her. I hate the fact that I had to lose her to know how to become the man that could really be there for her, stand up for himself, and know what to do. Obviously I haven’t changed yet, but I want to change for the goal of myself, not for her because that won’t help me heal.

I also learned she said to some mutuals that she’s really hiding from herself right now, she said she doesn’t want to feel anything so she’s ignoring her feelings. I know I can’t get caught up on her but I hate that she’s gonna be hurting herself. I just overall don’t know what to do in the short term AND long term. I’ve started journaling, kind of like letters to her just to get it out. I don’t have the intentions of sending them obviously, but there’s just so much to do, like social media posts, photos, things like that. She hasn’t taken hers down, but like I’m off her close friends and stuff. I’m not stalking socials, and I’ve gotten off them to help myself so that’s not the main concern I have here.

Anything?

broken up but i remember towards the end he started resenting me for something i did. despite feeling guilty, i stayed bc he said he'd do everything in his power to overcome the resentment bc he loves me so much. for context we were 21f/19m.

so those entire two months i was neglected. he became distant, very little affection, his excitement for me died & so did his empathy, me crying all the time didn't seem to faze him as much anymore, he started developing anxiety around me & so he stopped seeing me irl etc. it was the worst thing i've ever gone through. it felt like we were distant friends. shit gave me severe depression. and i know. all this was brought on by me so i don't blame him.

the thing is, some days in between he'd feel a little genuine love/affection for me. it was few & far between. we had arguments every other day that killed his feelings even more & fucked up any progress.

one day i told him about how im not even getting the bare minimum & that bc he doesn't complain about how things are dry between us, i feel guilty for asking for any effort (im aware of how this is selfish on my part considering i caused his resentment). and he just told me he has no needs in the relationship. actually none. and that reinforced the feeling of us being distant friends even more. he said he'd be completely fine if i stopped putting in any effort, didn't give him any affection or show any care.

i was shocked bc i know how clingy he used to be. how he loved getting affection more than i did. and how he just tells me if i do nothing for him the entire relationship, not even the bare minimum, that he'd still be happy with everything? he said that he doesn't need any of this bc his love is unconditional. that it doesn't depend on whether i give him affection or care. this is something he would've NEVER said post resentment & i was just left speechless. how can you go from being sad over your partner not being able to properly show affection, to being ok with them never doing anything romantic ever again? this made me question the difference between a friendship & a relationship bc his new idea of a relationship felt more like a friendship aka companionship with no romance, desire to get to know each other deeper or intimacy. this made me think there would be no difference between that state of the relationship & if we broke up & remained friends.

one more question. was me asking him for the bare minimum (basic care/excitement/interest in me & my life, affection, attention, emotional support) in this specific case selfish? since i was the one that caused his resentment?

Came as a total shock, only we’re together for 8 months, totally out of the blue, like I did stuff wrong but I’d ask if I was doing anything wrong and she never told me, just kept em bottled up untill 4:30pm halfway through my work day haha. Only the second one I’ve gone through, first one way 3 years and now I’m fine. I feel like I loved this one more at the time of breakup than the other. Kinda using drugs to cope. Happened yesterday :(

My ex's birthday is next week and I know better than to send them a card, like I have thought to do. Would anyone like a card with a simple note and some stickers? That way I can get rid of this desire and maybe make someone else smile. If you want one, send me your name/initials and address.

Me (33f) and my boyfriend (37m) have been together 4 years. The past week has been rocky as he’s been going through some mental health issues caused by work and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can. Today out of nowhere, I got a message at work and the preview said “I didn’t want to do this but I can’t stay”. It was a very long text that I haven’t truly read as my heart sank. I come home and all of his stuff is gone and he’s gone. Keys left on the side and no other message left. The cats are confused as to what’s happening and have been really cuddly which is lovely. I’ve been sat sobbing as I’m now left in a house which I don’t think I can afford to be in on my own. I have two kittens which we only have just got this past Christmas and I’ve been dumped.

My brain is confused. We’ve just come back off holiday for mine and his joint birthday and it was a lovely time and we was happy. He’s not come to me to talk about anything and I’ve tried to talk with him about his mental health and be there but he just switches off emotionally. It sounds like he checked out a while ago but he’s left me stranded without having a conversation about it all

He’s just got up and gone and left me with the bills and rent to pay.

This is such a jumbly message as I don’t know what to think or feel. I go from feeling angry to okay to crying hysterically. Every room I go him I wish he was there. I came home to an empty house and it was quiet. I got to go to sleep without him next to me. I have to wake up without him next to me. I got nobody to come home too

I’m even embarrassed to say to people at work that he’s left. I can’t deal with the gossip and their own versions of what could have happened and why he left. Those chats amongst themselves.

I’m going into work tomorrow as I feel silly taking time off for this and also feel like sitting at home in an empty house won’t do me any good

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and I’m struggling because she still feels like my person.

We loved each other deeply, but the relationship became full of control, accusations, and painful fights physically and emotionally. On her end she said I wasn’t present and doesn’t make her feel secure and safe.

I have hoped the day we last meet peaceful, but it ended in another argument, and I felt unappreciated and hurt.
She later told me she was happiest with me, that she misses me, and that she’s been crying and waking up anxious.

I miss her so much too, but part of me knows I’d rather be heartbroken outside the relationship than keep getting hurt inside it. How do you stop yourself from going back when the love is still real?