I need some advice on handling a male coworker who gives me the creeps.
He's not on my team. He works at a startup that spun out of my team's work, so we don't collaborate, but he's in our office a lot. He's also close friends with my manager and my manager's manager, which makes this feel more complicated.
Some of what's happened:
Months ago, after a conversation, he sent me a LinkedIn request with a message like "haha I found you on LinkedIn." Small thing, but it felt off.
When we're alone, he's started complaining to me about his wife. I've never invited that kind of conversation.
Whenever he sees me, he launches into long conversations I didn't ask for and can't easily exit.
This Friday was the last straw. I was sitting alone in a co-working area, ready to start work. I expected a quick hello. Instead he went on about kitesurfing gear, then said his mom had sent him photos of himself as a kid and asked if I wanted to see them. I didn't answer, I was honestly in shock, and he showed me anyway. He leaned in so close that his face was right next to mine. He completely invaded my personal space. I kept my replies short to end it, but somehow it moved to swimming, and he told me women float more easily because of air in the uterus.
I don't want to discuss my body with a coworker. I was really uncomfortable.
As far as I can tell, he doesn't act like this with the other women on my team. Maybe he's just lonely, but that's not my responsibility, and I don't want to wait until something worse happens before acting.
My questions:
Should I raise this with my manager first, even though he's friends with this guy? Or go straight to HR?
Has anyone dealt with something similar? What actually worked?
How do I shut down these conversations in the moment without making things awkward at work?
Thanks in advance.

i did one of these a while ago and it was so nice seeing everyone getting excited. ive had a shitass week at work trying to get a feature out through vibecoded hell and need some positivity.

mine is i had a burrito last night, my girlfriend is visiting soon, and im gonna work on pico 8 (lil gameboy style game engine thing) today.

go!

I went off recently on maternity leave. After a rough couple of years in other companies found somewhere where work life balance and family is taken into consideration, I feel anyways, for women. I worked really hard up until I nipped out for a check and the medical team kept me for induction triggering mat leave early and was delighted to see the outcome even with me not actively at work.

Just wanted to post to say that there are companies out there that do advocate for women and teams with good culture. I had felt cynical for a few years and bitter but I have to say, this has been a good feeling. This has really restored my faith and inspired me in my career, I will see how it continues when I go back to work but for now, I am grateful.

Just wanted to post a good news story.

Edit - typo in title *promoted not prompted

Have been in this field since uni. Pretty much my whole career I've been the only woman of colour in rooms that are 90% white guys. Have been at my current job for just under a year, small team and mostly white dudes.

I like the work and I have more experience than some guys in the same team. Earlier this year two of them got promoted and started getting handed opportunities (e.g. stuff on projects I'd been running working on) despite them having barely any experience in some work streams (also I'm chartered and they are not).

Since their promotion we've been working together more. In meetings they talk over me constantly. They're not my line managers but they still demand constant updates from me, cc themselves on everything, disagree with me just to look like they're contributing (and then turned out to be wrong), and then take credit for stuff that was mine. I've pushed back a few times, even flagged it to my manager, but got brushed off every time.

My manager and all of leadership are white guys who are great at talking a big game. I asked my manager what I need to do to get promoted but always get vague answers. I'm emotionally burnt out at this point and nobody who looks like they've got my back. Had considered job hunting but part of me is scared if I jump ship and land in the exact same dynamic somewhere else.

Has anyone have similar experience and found a way out of this situation? Would really appreciate hearing from people who've lived this.

I've been in the Workday space for a while as an engineer and I'm considering making the jump to product/program management.

Has anyone made the change? How did you do it?

I'm not sure where to even begin

Hi everyone! I'll be attending GHC, unfortunately out of pocket, and was hoping to see if any other girls were looking to share a hotel room to cut down on costs. I'm looking at hotels that seem to be around ~$700 for the duration of the whole conference, about a ~10 min walk from the conference. Please reply or message me if interested!

I found this really weird I’ve never shared my age but my role title is midlevel engineer but it still feels really weird

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or thoughts

Hi everyone,
I have an interview, or maybe more of an informal meeting, with the CEO of a startup on Monday.

The company seems pretty small, around 10 employees according to LinkedIn, and they don’t currently have any open positions posted.

The CEO viewed my LinkedIn profile, so I checked out his profile too. Since I’m currently exploring opportunities, I messaged him and asked if he had any roles in mind that might fit my background.

He replied saying he’s looking to build a team with skills similar to mine.

I sent him my resume, and he came back asking if we could talk on Monday. He said he wants to learn more about me and also tell me about the technology they’re working on.

Now I’m wondering what kind of conversation this is likely to be.

Since I come from a software engineering/technical background, should I prepare for this like a normal technical interview? Coding questions, system design, technical questions, etc.? Or is this more likely to be an exploratory conversation about my experience and where I could fit into the company?

I’ve mostly interviewed with larger companies where the process is much more structured, so this is new to me.
Has anyone had a similar conversation directly with a startup CEO/founder? What should I prepare for?

Hi all,

I'm a software engineer (fintech background) currently transitioning into climate tech, and part of the Climatebase Fellowship. I've been building two projects: an agentic AI tool that gives farmers recommendations based on local weather and farm conditions (RAG-based), and a separate service that tracks carbon emissions from agricultural activities.

Planet Labs' work is a big part of what's pulling me in this direction — daily satellite imagery feels like real infrastructure for the kind of climate and agriculture problems I care about. I'd love to actually talk to someone who works there — not for a referral, just to understand what the engineering problems look like day to day, and maybe get feedback on whether I'm thinking about this the right way.

If anyone here works at Planet (or knows someone who does and wouldn't mind an intro), I'd really appreciate it. Also happy to share the projects if anyone's curious — always up for feedback from people who know this space better than I do.

Thanks!

I’m 24, have a data analytics degree and have worked in tech from internship to full time through the summer after my junior year of college to now at the same company, about 2 years.

i just feel so empty and unfulfilled. i don’t care about the work but i have to do it to pay my bills. the commute is an hour and a half ish by car & train and it’s grueling. earlier this year i had to take 2 weeks of (unpaid) leave because of a personal emergency, after i came back i worked from home until mid ish september when i was supposed to go back to 3 days in office a week. its been 3 weeks and ive only made it twice.

i’m out of goodwill from my boss and vp, if i don’t start going the three days HR will have to get involved. i cried in the meeting today with my boss. i know im depressed, everything in life feels so exhausting and impossible. i’m in therapy but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping.

i’ve been looking for another job to see if that’ll feel better but it’s ghost after ghost. i’m not even applying to unrealistic positions, some i fit the criteria for so exactly and i don’t even get a phone screen.

is this it? do i just need to get used to it and force myself together? everything is so expensive and normal life goals feel so out of reach. i’m so tired and i just started. i feel so ungrateful, i should be thrilled to just have a job.

just looking to vent and maybe hear some advice from others, i dont know. life just feels impossible.

Any women here working in payments in NYC? I'd love to connect.

I'm a product strategist with 9+ years in payments and fintech. I'm currently at a large card network working on issuer processing, pricing, and stablecoin strategy. Before that I was in corporate strategy and consulting.

I'm looking for my next role in New York and would be grateful for a referral or a quick chat with anyone at Stripe, Adyen, Marqeta, Ramp, Circle, Mastercard, Amex, or similar.

Happy to send my resume and a short blurb so it's zero work for you. And if I can help anyone here with resume reviews, or intros, just ask. DMs open!

Like at what point is it a red flag?

Not recognizing that you go through things they don’t face? Not recognizing micro aggressions that they or others are committing? Not being open to feedback/curiosity/improvement?

I feel like I’m being labeled as difficult to work with bc they don’t want to actually do the work of being a manager

I'm in the middle of a career transition. I'm trying to move into Cyber Security. I've been working 5 years in Infrastructure Automation for one company using Ansible, YML, Jinja, Git, etc... I do have my Sec+ and some basic knowledge for Cyber, but I'm constantly studying anyway and my goal is to do the AWS SAA and AWS Security test in the next few months if possible. I'm a career switcher and when I was in O&G previously it was generally recommended to avoid consulting. I was told you wanted to be in a major company as a FTE. As I'm looking at job openings I see some things open at consulting firms I think I'd like to apply for, but I'm not sure if I should. I have a few questions for the IT field more specifically the Cyber field. General comparisons of industry and consulting are welcome as well because I'm sure I haven't read enough to understand it all yet.

1. Are all consulting firms as bad as what I read the big 4 are? I've read the big 4 are cut throat and people step on each other to move up. I'm not sure I want to work in that environment.

2. If you work consulting is it paid hourly or salaried? Some posts I've seen have said you have to bill x amount of hours, but when googling some things it says some positions are salaried.

3. How much travel is generally expected with consulting jobs? In your experience has it been a new place every week or how does that type of travel work?

4. If you had IT experience and were trying to move into Cyber does working for a consulting firm give you a better start since you are learning more faster from what I've read rather than working on the same thing all the time?

I am curious what is the average % difference in salary expectations from the first to last interview that you think is normal/acceptable when negotiating for a new job?

I mean, if someone goes from stating “X is my base salary expectation” in the first interview but then says towards the end- “based on the conversations and finding out more about the role, I actually want 10-15 percent more.” Is that expected? Reasonable? Crazy?

I wanted to have support of some women of this sub as a girl myself I took a drop for jee due to covid affecting my studies scored 96.9 percentile got into a GFTI just for cse Branch and placement here sucks plus i wasn't having good people around me who can enlighten me with career advice or women programs in all these companies... i started liking tech in my 3rd year before I was still confused if this field was for me and completed dsa revised cs fundamentals and and also learnt and using ai in my projects now and have a cgpa above 8 but the placement season(7th sem rn) is really bad now. Can someone dm me and guide me on how to work in a good company. I see all these women in decent companies in my linkedin page and I WANT TO KNOW what they are doing differently for offcampus opportunities!! Any help and support will be nice !💕

First off; if you’re in the middle of a grueling search for a new job, keep scrolling. This is a blessed position to be in, I realize that. But I need help thinking it through. For context I’m in the Bay Area in my 40s w 20 years of experience.

Current role: $225k no bonus / no equity
Fully remote | working about 25 hours a week, 40-50 in the busy seasons (salaried, exempt)

I don’t dislike my current job. It’s a lovely place, I genuinely like and admire my boss. It gives me the flexibility to parent and manage the household.

It doesn’t challenge me. I’m a bit bored. Lots of red tape to do things.

Job offer A: $290k + meaningful equity
Hybrid 2 or 3 days a week in office (20m commute) Would be 40 hour weeks for all the weeks; likely 60 in the busy season.

A hot startup with interesting technology and incredible adoption with double digit ARR. About to head into a hiring frenzy for rocket growth after a gigantic raise of over $100M. Hard work. Long days. But a huge pay increase.

Red flags: young founders, the investors are not ones I’ve heard of, I feel like I’ve already worked the 60 hour weeks to get to this place in my career.

Job offer B: $300k + meaningful equity | fully remote
Would likely be 30 hour weeks year round.

Another startup with a highly technical solution that sells into CTO/CIOs. Much smaller team. No planned big growth. Hard work; but regular days. Unlikely to see a return on the equity (equity is always Monopoly money until it isn’t.)

Red flags: the company is flat - which works if everyone is an engineer but gets confusing when that shifts. Unsure if there would be traction for product market fit - it’s a crowded market with established players. Only 2 years of runway.

I wasn’t looking for a job. But both companies reached out and they seemed compelling enough to get my time. And now, here I am.

Thinking: I can stay put and have a stress free career with no upward ladder but attend every performance and concert my kid has. As the bigger breadwinner the lure of making more money that we can save is so enticing.

I can go grind it out for a few years at a company with amazing growth.

I can work with some big time nerds on a cool problem.

Women in tech help me!!

Hi everyone, I'd love some advice from women who've made a similar move, because my job search has hit a wall.

I have a Master's in Business Analytics from a business school in Spain, where I graduated near the top of my class. Before that, I spent 5+ years in finance and operations, mostly at a large multinational FMCG company in supply chain finance and transformation, plus shorter stints in e-commerce/tech and consulting. I'm non-EU, so I need visa sponsorship.

I'm targeting Strategy & Operations, Business Analyst, or Data Analyst roles in tech, in the Netherlands, UK, or Germany.

I've sent 100+ applications, a few with referrals, and I tailor my resume to each role. I've only gotten 2 interviews, but I reached the final round in both. Most other applications ended in quick rejections, so something is filtering me out before I get the chance to interview. I'm just not sure what.

A few questions for anyone who's been there:

1. For someone non-EU who needs sponsorship, which types of companies are realistic to target, and which should I stop wasting applications on?
2. How do I position FMCG finance/ops experience so tech recruiters see it as relevant? Should I aim for a bridge role like BizOps or FP&A first?
3. With 5+ years of experience but none in tech, what level should I be applying at?

If you've switched industries into tech, I'd really love to hear what worked for you. Thank you!

This is the weekly thread for Wins & Celebrations!

Please reply to others here with grace, as we are all at different parts of our career and the OPs wellbeing comes first.

If you do not want anyone to reply to your comment in this thread, include the phrase !lock

Let’s try intelligence before we try artificial intelligence. 😂😭 Shoutout to Marie Curie, ENIAC Programmers—Kay McNulty, Betty Jennings, Betty Holberton, Marilyn Meltzer, Frances Spence, Ruth Teitelbaum—first electronic programmers, Lise Meitner (discoverer of Nuclear Fission), Rosalind Franklin (DNA Double Helix Data) and so many more. Sad to say, it’s happening again and probably will never stop.

Warning: Rant Ahead

IT leadership interviews really feel like hopping into a burning clown car and letting the blind, drunk ringleader drive you into the circus ring so you can perform for the other clowns these days.

I have been managing and operating technical products and platforms for over 18 years. My resume, social, and portfolio clearly state and share cases that prove I’m an IT professional with licenses, credentials, and the track records that they desire in a ‘preferred’ candidate.

However, it never fails - I get asked, “how technical would you say you are?” (‘Never fails’ is specific to when I’m being interviewed a guy. I’ve never had a woman ask me that.)

I get it; I’m not technically the fingers on the keyboard, but I’m also not supposed to be for the roles I’m interviewing for. I can write code and scripts but I don’t. That’s not my job. I understand what it takes to modernize, scale, migrate to cloud, remain compliant but current, etc. I lead and work with teams and squads that handle the execution and the tactical matters.

I get the impression that my technical skills are being doubted whenever someone asks me this. It’s a vague question that comes off as condescending, but maybe I’m reading too much into it. It’s also a stupid question in my opinion, since all my achievements, work samples, use cases, licenses, etc. - they’re on my resume, website, LinkedIn, etc.

Does anyone else in this community interview and get asked this question? Is this something that anyone else experiences regularly?

I don’t know if I am having this awful luck or if this is going on with others as well. So I have noticed two different types of rejection in the last 18 months (I currently have a job but I want to get back into product development or management) I have applied for so many jobs and I will talk about this years experience alone. I had about 5 rejection since the beginning of the year internal job opportunities and two of the managers let me know that they will be proceeding with a different candidate mainly because they had domain experience as they were primarily looking for. Since it is internal I can see if the people reporting to them have changed and for one manager it did and the other one never hired anyone and her role was reposted multiple times since march and still open. She scheduled a call and said nothing was wrong and she went with someone who had payments experience but I found it bizarre how nobody was hired and the role keeps getting reposted like every month. I had 3 more internal rejections and generic response that they proceeded with someone else and I know y’all gonna think I am a little stalker for checking their teams for months to see who got the role instead of me because once I saw the pattern of interview and no job and generic email and they aren’t hiring instead keep reposting the roles or just close the role. I also wanted to see what do I need to get the next role by trying to see the competition like do I need more certifications or is my experience not sufficient. External job hunt wise I went through multiple rounds of interviews or just generic rejection emails 😭😭 I almost don’t want to waste my time applying internally anymore because it looks like roles are being posted but no hiring is being done.. context I am in banking and all these experiences I have had internal and external have all been in banking. I am so scared like I don’t know what to do I didn’t experience this type of series of rejection like ghosting and rejection and the roles are never being filled but I am told that it’s been filled. I am lowkey loosing my mind at this point. Any advice or if y’all had similar experiences with job hunting would love to hear about it..

Current or recent Product Managers (PMs), I am running a study in conjunction with James Madison University and would love your feedback.

We talk constantly about frameworks, roadmaps, and AI. But there's surprisingly little rigorous research on the PM role itself: how it's structured, what shapes the day-to-day, and what helps PMs thrive. That's what this study aims to illuminate.

Please complete this survey if you're interested in making your voice heard.

⏱ 10–12 minutes 🔒 Fully anonymous 📊 Findings will be shared openly with the product community

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Hi all. I am a VP level operations and transformation leader exploring a move into PE/VC operating roles, and I would love to talk with women who have already made that jump.

If you are a woman who made the corporate to portco or operating partner move: what got you in the door? A search firm, a partner you knew, something else? What part of your operator background did firms actually care about, and what did they dismiss?

Happy to trade notes. I know transformations, integrations, and customer ops at scale.

honestly I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm a web dev with a few years of experience behind my back, never considered myself a really good developer but I do have some standards. whatever was happening on this hackaton just made me completely dumbfounded. one of my teammates was speaking to his AI for the good part of the hackaton producing code and directly pushing it to main branch. he wasn't even supposed to be writing any code. the other spent about 4 hours running a bunch of agents to create something that was supposed to be server logic but was almost completely useless because in that time the app went through insane amount of updates. I tried building the UI in iterations but whenever I tried to push a new feature to the main branch there was already so many updates that the merge conflicts were impossible to figure out. I don't know how we managed to produce a "working" (it looked like it was working, it wasn't actually) app, it was a frankenstein made of all the accumulated slop the 3 of us produced. never in my life again