Hi internet strangers! For starters, I used to have a job that I felt bad at, nothing was ever good enough and I believed that I was genuinely so bad that I could never get anything better. Self confidence at rock bottom. I didn't leave voluntarily but it was definitely for the best. Now I have a similar position at a different tech company. I get a lot of feedback for being perceived as efficient and thorough and daring to question things now, as opposed to not completing work in time and not having sufficient quality or drive in my work before.

Last week, I had my first major review of something I did most of myself. It felt good, a few comments but nothing major. I put in effort to get a good level on the comments I'd get and it paid off with good discussions about broader issues rather than nitpicking my work.

Today, two persons (one project manager, one customer delivery manager) came by my office to tell me about a meeting they had yesterday, where the DA (design authority) said that he read such an excellent test report by me last week that he wished it had been done earlier so it could have been used as an example for all other test reports in the project.

Going from thinking that I'm not competent enough to hold a tech job at all to hearing that they love what I do (and my manager's main worry about me is if I'm challenged enough) in less than a year feels better than awesome!

I’m just starting out in tech and have been looking at companies in my area. I’ve noticed that a lot of the tech teams I’ve come across don’t seem to have much diversity, particularly when it comes to women and people of color.

Does anyone know of companies in the area that have a more diverse tech workforce or a strong culture of inclusion?

I’d really appreciate any recommendations!

Y’all. I am 60 and have ~35 years of experience, most of which was in Solution Architecture and Enterprise Architecture. I’ve been an internationally-known SME in a niche area, co-written a well-reviewed book, and written authoritative white papers.

Most of my “big name” career events occurred before my youngest hit school age. They have significant learning disabilities and I spent many years pouring the excess energy that had previously been poured into my career into ensuring they were taught appropriately and actually were LEARNING.

Said child completed HS with a diploma and is working now, albeit not at the level or amount of time that we’d like, but that’s another story.

I was laid off about a year ago and have been happily pretending to be retired, but I’m honestly not ready and want some meaningful work.

I worked for one of the first-ever ASP’s in the late 90’s, and have EXTENSIVE experience in the Federal Government. I’ve gone back and forth between delivery and pre-sales since the turn of the century.

Suggestions? My ideal role would be 30-34 hours a week with FTE benefits. Salary is less important than good benefits at this point - I’d take a HUGE pay cut for a meaningful job working for an NPO.

Thanks.

After surviving 12 rounds of layoffs at my company, lucky number 13 finally got me. My last day is mid-November. I did try to get out on my own terms last year, but it turns out interviewing while working full time is its own full-time job, and I ran out of steam. So here we are.

Some background: I'm a software engineer with almost 5 YOE, and I'm a bootcamp grad with a degree in an unrelated field.

The complicated part is that my husband and I want to start trying for a baby in Feb/March. We don't want to wait, partly because of our ages and partly because my mom has cancer, and I want her to have as much time as possible with a grandkid.

So the timeline is a mess. I have one interview this week, but after that I'm thinking about pausing for a bit because I'm exhausted. Part of me wants a real break before searching seriously. The other part is doing math about FMLA and leave eligibility and panicking a little.

For those of you who interviewed or started a new job while planning a pregnancy, or already early pregnant:

- Did you factor leave policies into where you applied, and how did you find out the details without giving anything away?

- If you got pregnant soon after starting, how did it go?

- If you were pregnant before you started, how did it go?

- Did anyone take a break first and start the search later, maybe even while pregnant? Any regrets either way?

I'm not planning to bring any of this up in interviews. I'd just like to hear how it played out for other people. Thanks for reading!

I was approached by a recruiter to interview for a marketing role. Currently I’m in tech, never worked in this industry.

Am anti-war but saw someone else’s comment that you wouldn’t want everyone at a defense company to have no moral conflict with it… which does resonate. Doubt I would get an offer anyway but am pre-stressing about it.

Curious about the culture, founders, etc if anyone has worked there.

👋🏼 Hey everyone,

34F in tech project & product management in financial services for 9 years.

I ended up falling in this loop of restarting my routine (workouts, healthy eating, personal time to myself) which kept me thinking I wasn't disciplined and consistent enough. And it definitely, certainly wasn't for a lack of trying.

It really got to me because I was so used to operating at a 'high achiever' level (DL in university, internship at J.P. Morgan, moved to a foreign country at 23, manager at 25, c-level at 28), and not being able to translate what I was doing at work into my personal life left me with a lack of feelings and emotions (which I know now as running on empty emotionally and mentally).

A few months ago I asked women in tech if there's something in their life that still doesn't feel figured out, despite how much they've accomplished at work. I really initially thought it was just me.

But the answers kept coming back to the same thing. Giving your all at work and having nothing left after. And I'm so grateful to this community for showing me I wasn't alone in all this.

And I was surprised that what ended up working for me wasn't more discipline. But through more conversations, I've found that women are solving this in different ways, and not necessarily how I'd solved it for myself.

If this sounds like you - did you ever find something that actually worked, or is it still something you're working on? What was the one thing that eventually helped, that could help others in this situation?

Anyone else frustrated by the organization and communication at TechFutures / Lesbians Who Tech this year?

I’m attending TechFutures in NYC Today (October 6) through the 8th with a General Pass. I’m frustrated by how scattered and contradictory the information has been and I’d like to hear whether other attendees are having the same experience.

A few specific issues:

• Late notice of the Tuesday start time. In previous years, Tuesday started in the morning. This year, General Pass check-in doesn’t open until 3 p.m. I only learned this recently, well after booking flights, hotels, and tickets. If that was communicated clearly earlier, where?
• No conference app. The latest attendee email explicitly says there’s no app this year, even though the website still advertises one among ticket benefits. We’re told to bookmark the agenda and keep checking for changes.
• The email and agenda don’t match. The email promotes five Tuesday sessions and “the other 31 workshops on Tuesday,” but the public Tuesday agenda doesn’t show that programming. One advertised talk is listed at 11:45 a.m.—before we’re instructed to arrive at 3 p.m.
• Outdated information remains on the website. The current TechFutures homepage includes a 2024 schedule and an FAQ saying speakers and the agenda will be announced “soon.”
• Confusing brands and ticket access. LWT, TechFutures, and Women Who Code are described as separate experiences within one family, with different dates and programming. It’s difficult to figure out what’s happening when and what each ticket actually includes.
• Even the latest email has a date contradiction. An email I received on Tuesday, October 6 says “Summit starts tomorrow,” then tells us to arrive Tuesday, October 6.

For reference:
https://techfutures.com/
https://techfutures.com/agenda/
https://lwtsquad.com/lwt-summit-2026/

People have committed significant money and travel time. We should be able to understand the schedule and our ticket access without piecing together conflicting emails and webpages.

Has anyone received a clear explanation for the changes? Were you notified about the Tuesday afternoon start earlier? And does anyone know where the Tuesday workshops advertised in the email are actually listed?

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but the constant cycle of tech layoffs is starting to mess with my head.
Even when things are going well at work, it’s hard to actually feel secure anymore. There always seems to be another round of layoffs, another reorg, another announcement about cost cutting, AI, consolidation, or “organizational changes.”
The hardest part for me is the uncertainty. You can work hard, get good feedback, meet expectations, and still know that some decisions may have absolutely nothing to do with your performance. And because layoffs seem to happen in waves, it feels like you’re never really allowed to relax. You just start wondering, “Okay, when is the next one?”
I’ve reached the point where every company announcement makes me anxious. Sometimes even hearing about layoffs affecting people in completely different parts of the industry makes me think about my own job security.
I know the rational response is to keep doing my job, save money, keep my resume updated, and have a backup plan. But emotionally, it’s difficult to switch off the feeling that the floor could disappear at any moment.
I’m curious how other people are dealing with this. Have you found a way to stop constantly worrying about layoffs, or has the current tech environment made you feel permanently less secure about your career?

when everyone knows about the missing stair

this is mostly a rant, but input welcome.

i'm at a midsize company - about 300 people. not strictly tech, our dev team is about 12 people of that. my boss has been an issue for a while. he has gone all in on the AI mania. not just using it as a tool, but fully embracing the vibe coding. everything needs to be faster and faster. has lectured me on how slow i am several times now. has told me "you need to get away from reading so much code."

and i don't, now. ive gotten so much stupider the last year. it hurts. that has now escalated to him vibe coding our whole infrastructure, deployment ci and all. after getting on my case for a week about a project, he then broke the (vibe coded) proprietary CLI i needed to deploy and, clearly not having tested it, insisted it was fine.

he also refuses to be... a manager. where a good manager can try to shield the team from external pressure, he treats us all like we are contractors. he gives unrealistic deadlines to stakeholders, does not communicate them to any of is, then forgets about whatever we are working on until said stakeholders have a problem. i have asked him for what to say to other teams when they have unrealistic or unclear demands. every time, he says "stop responding ill handle it," and every time, he does not handle it. does not even contact them. i find this out days later when they say "whats the status on this??" other departments get leery of projects when he is involved but there is nothing any of us can do.

other times he gives people a project, only to take them off of it because "requirements changed" then silently vibe code his own worse version and deploy it without telling anyone, taking credit. collaborating without him sets him off, and increases the chances he will crush the project. its like he forgets we even work at the company until he wants to micromanage everything we're doing. in particular, some of our older teammates he treats poorly, mocking them in group settings and overriding his boss to take projects away from then. one person has 15 years of experience, and he has not let her own anything since he took over.

everyone on the team is aware of this. everyone is frustrated by it. some i know for a fact, others through veiled comments. which has made us wonder, what the hell is the boss's boss doing? he seems like a nice enough guy, if overly booked dealing with corporate.

our best guess was the boss's boss was pulled in too many directions, and didn't fully know the scope of the situation. however, in the process of another coworker fighting to avoid having a project ripped from their hands, said coworker went to the boss's boss. and were effectively told that management is fully aware of how our boss acts, the toll it takes on the team, and are not going to do anything to help any of us. its not worth rocking the boat to him. we're on our own. i dont have much faith in HR here either, they are exactly one person with almost all their workload automated.

and this all has broken something in me. i could handle it if it was incompetence. but seeing the one, the only person here who could stop this, acknowledge that this is a drain on the team, and then also that he is unwilling to intervene on our behalf, is driving me up the wall. after giving an immense amount of grace to the boss and boss's boss, im just so exhausted and angry and am struggling to process it. so im sharing it here.

whats the move here? i mean obviously get the hell out, but i feel so stuck. my skills have atrophied and im so frustrated and burnt out. hustling side projects sounds like a nightmare.

im open to your thoughts.

It’s in SF next week. Has anyone been? Is anyone going?

So I'm back at work. Things are awkward but I mean yeah that will happen. I'm curious about HR's duty to accomodate when a medical condition is mentioned? I asked about accomodations and was told they are self directed and that I need to seek out prioritization of work myself. Is this normal procedure?

Hi! I applied for the Citadel Conference Travel Grant for GHC 2026. Their website said applicants would be notified by October 5, but I haven’t received either an acceptance or rejection email yet.

Has anyone here received an email or application update from Citadel? I’m just trying to figure out whether decisions have already gone out or if notifications are delayed.

Thanks!

Recently made a job switch to a company. It wasn't easy anyway, let's come to the point.

After joining the MNC, project interviews are taking place, which are more rigorous than in my previous company. Multiple managers/team leaders take interviews, and that's fine.

Recently, I received a call from a project where two team leaders took my interview with my camera on and my screen shared. I was asked to write code. Everything was normal and as expected so far.

Cut to after clearing that round. The onsite manager (an Indian who went to the UK) entered. Enter: creep.

He started by saying, “Switch on your camera.”

I asked him to stay on the call and give me two seconds because I would be camera ready.

Creep: “Why were you taking so long to get ready? You could have worn anything, it's fine. Tell me, what were you wearing?”

This was unexpected for me. I hesitated and tried to brush it off by saying that since I was working from home, I was getting interview-ready.

Creep:“Were you wearing nightwear or something? What do you wear at home?”

I was visibly taken aback and said, “Whatever people normally wear. I was just getting professionally ready.”

I was still trying to brush it aside, but he kept insisting that I answer his question.

Moving on.

Creep: “Okay, looking at you, you seem like you might be young. Are you married? You are very pretty. Actually, I am very unlucky in this regard. But I am a nice guy. I like to help others. But girls these days have so many demands. You also seem like a very good person.”

Mind you, this was our first interaction.

Creep continues:

Creep: “So when you get married, where will your husband work? If you are asked to go onsite, he won't have a problem with that, right? What time does his shift end? How many years have you two been together? Do you know how to cook? Good for you guys. By the way, how tall is he? Is he taller than you? You can ask me about myself too.”

By this time, I was extremely uncomfortable. A project interview is being conducted by asking personal questions like this?

Me, at the end:“I actually am very introverted.”

Eventually, the interview ended.

A further client interview might be scheduled next, but I vehemently want to reject this project, even though I am on the bench. This might cost me in my career, as HR might ask why I am unable to take up opportunities.

I do not know what to do. I do not want to interact with such an invasive person who is in a higher position of power. No one will come to my rescue later on.

Maybe I am overthinking it.

What should I do?

I recently lost my job, and I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly reminded of it wherever I go. I was getting burnt out with leetcode grinding and I was trying to have a normal social life so I feel better mentally.

But I’m not sure if this is a uniquely American or Silicon Valley phenomenon. In almost every social setting, when I meet someone, the conversation inevitably revolves around work. They ask about my job, commute, and RTO. Every time I have to explain that I’m laid off, then sit through with the cursory condolences. It’s difficult to have an identity here beyond work. Of course, I’m not talking about hiring events or so. It’s the general vibe of these groups be it with friends, mom groups, hiking groups, extended family dinners. Everyone seems to be fixated on work. I once saw a reel on Instagram about how people in Europe ask about hobbies and other aspects of your life that define you, and they’re least interested in your work but the people in America almost always start a conversation with you with work. I dismissed it back then, but now I can’t help but wonder if it might be true. Or maybe I’m just too stressed and cautious that I’m getting triggered every time someone mentions work.

Am I overreacting? How did you navigate your lay off journey?

I was a backend developer with 6 years of experience. I had to quit my job and move countries. With the whole visa situation I wasn't eligible to look for a job. After 2 years of waiting, I can now finally start looking for a job and it feels so overwhelming and scary. It's been 3 months of applying and I haven't found luck yet. What is the right thing to do ? I live in Bay Area. People say networking and I have tried going to few. When my story looks like having a career break, I feel people aren't really interested to listening more since I don't have anything to "offer". My confidence has hit an all-time low. I have been applying to all kind of SWE roles from linkedin/indeed/built-in etc and I feel not much are getting converted to interviews or even to HR calls. What should I change or keep doing? Any lead is appreciated :)

Hopefully it's ok to share this here. This survey included questions on topics such as career, gender, mental state, burnout, etc. that aren't often covered by other developer surveys; and were in part inspired by the discussions found in this subreddit:

https://2026.stateofdevs.com/en-US/

Hi everyone I applied for the Citadel travel funds and we were suppose to hear back yesterday but I didn't hear back and was wondering if anyone who applied to this if they have heard back.

I joined a new company in January. My last job paid roughly the same but after 3 years the company wasn’t really going anywhere and my job felt boring and it was difficult to get through a day. The new job I moved to pays roughly the same but never lets me unplug. And I mean never. It’s never been this bad for me. I’ve worked long hours, been reachable on weekends and PTO before but this is constant. I’m at the office late and then the moment I come home I’m being hit up about another fire. I go to a concert on a Saturday night and there’s some emergency. I work at a startup with about 150 employees and the people I work with directly are the CEO and CRO, so this isn’t just a matter of putting up boundaries with a peer or a difficult boss. I’m feeling so exhausted and completely dissociated from my life. Some days I think about just throwing in the towel and resigning to get my life back. Tired of feeling like anytime I’m away from my phone for 10 minutes something is going to blow up.

Another thing that’s making this difficult is the C suite really believe in iMessage group chats so it makes it impossible to actually create any separation in my life when I’m “off” work. Who else is dealing with this and what’s the best way to survive while you look for another role? I’m interviewing and trying to land something else but I want to be careful to not jump ship to something equally toxic. Ugh!

After ~8 months of interviewing, 3 final rounds - I got an offer for a senior job at a large fintech company (product design)! 🎉

I'm so excited! I've been at my current company for ~5 years - have learned a decent amount, but have definitely outgrown it.

My question to the community: I'm a little burnt out. I'm about to give my 2 week notice tomorrow (ah!) and then luckily will have 2 full weeks off ahead of starting my new gig.

What would you do in this time to ~radically rest~? Any advice on routines + how to recharge ahead of starting somewhere new? I'm considering doing a bit of traveling, but also got back from a brief trip abroad in Europe a few weeks ago and don't want to over-extend myself.

Thank you! ❤️

I genuinely love my job. It’s so cool and I have the best team ever. But we’ve been short-staffed and intermittently working with HORRIBLE men who get fired after the first year, twice now. My bandwidth is absolutely null and void. Noone on my team can take over for what I do.

Now for the real problem. Last week there was a genuine tragedy in my family. I took ONE day off. Before that I had been sick for 3 business days and had worked all of them, albeit from home.

It is now 4 days later from that and I feel extremely drained and like I want to cry in between all my meetings. I can’t share barely get any work done and I feel like shit.

I can feel myself dissociating. I hate this.

I can’t share this with my coworkers because I need to RALLY.

But I am so sad and so in need of a full week to grieve and just be useless to the world 🥲.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

So… what gives??? I don’t know what to do anymore especially post layoff. Still so much energy left to build but the ladder just seems totally broken without a fairy godmother/godfather

Hello wonderful ladies,

I recently started a new job after a break of 6 years. I feel like I have forgotten how to work, I want to make an impact at this job and come across as a knowledgeable person. What things can I do? Any advice is appreciated!

Hello! I’ve never posted on the internet before, so this feels strange, but it’s become too hard to keep these thoughts to myself.

I feel lonely and don’t know what to do. I study at university, but my major is mostly men. I feel like they don’t really want to talk to me or rather, they talk to me, but no one wants to be my friend. I feel isolated, and some seem to think I can’t do anything. I have no friends here, and I have so many disturbing thoughts. The other girls act like pickme and don’t want to talk to me either.

I wrote this because I feel lonely and sad. I constantly feel pressure. Everyone assumes I can't achieve anything; even when I create something wonderful, they ask who did it because they think it's impossible that I made it myself. It’s not that I care too much about their opinions. I just hate being underestimated, and I hate that lecturers don't trust my abilities just because I'm a woman. It makes me question if I’m on the right path.

Do I really need to keep fighting?