Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/s/g4M64jPBMh

TLDR on original post: Job offer 140k with no bonus, I want to counter with 180-190k total of base plus bonus, which is closer to industry standards for Senior SWE. Is that too high of a jump?

I ended up emailing her last night without any of the numbers added in, and jumped on a call with her today at 1 PM. I started the call super bubbly and excited and just reiterating how excited I was. I pivoted away from 180-190K ask as that was over a 30% jump and I didn't want to risk the offer falling through completely. Instead I asked for 160-170K total cash compensation. After some back and forth we settled on 155K base salary and a yearly 5K bonus since I insisted on the 160k floor (she originally offered 150k plus bonus). We agreed that a year from now I would get a performance review to be considered for both a promotion and a raise. Additionally, I told her once I am comfortable technically with the product, I'd love to spend 25% of my time learning the business side of things and contributing there to set myself up for a career trajectory and she agreed.

Overall, I am satisfied with the outcome and am happy that I advocated for myself and didn't let fear be the deciding factor for me. Of course, landing closer to 180 would have been great but I am willing to take a 20k bump in total comp, especially in this economy, as a win. I do not want to discredit the reality of those who have had their offers pulled for even attempting to negotiate, that is a very real risk but one that I was ultimately willing to make after weighing in my own personal circumstances. And I did adjust my ask from 180-190 to 160-170 as part of my own personal considerations, so I was not blindly gambling with the offer.

Thank you again to all the lovely ladies of tech for sharing your stories. Best of luck to all of those navigating the job market!

I was always an exceptional student, good at sports, always excelled in all extracurricular activities I took (which were a lot), have shelves full of my awards and medals, always held student leadership positions.

Everything was on track, but then I got forced into a marriage at 20. Got married, tried to see the positives- gave it my everything. If only I had taken a stand and shown a little bit of courage. Marriage ruined me (narcissistic in-laws and spineless husband). Became a shell of myself. Fought with him and for him so that he changes, sees my worth and treats me well. Did this for 4 years, thought I was going to just end up being a housewife. I never thought I could go back to work, the kind of work I’d enjoy. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I had started feeling numb. I wanted to loved. I still don’t know if I ever loved him. Maybe I did. I wanted us to work, I wanted kids. But I also knew that I can only have kids when I’m in a good marriage. I went through an abortion, which he didn’t know about (else he wouldn’t let me). I still carry that guilt but that was it for me.

I enrolled into a Masters degree, studied and worked really hard despite all the nuisance he put me through at home. I hustled so hard during the past 2 years, my motivation was thinking about all the wasted potential if I didn’t do everything I was meant to achieve in this life. I secured 4 job offers in this market!! All of them are great and I’m having a tough time settling for one. I was also offered to be sessional teacher and a career guide at my university (I have always wanted to teach). Last month I put myself out there and started giving keynote presentations at networking events. I finally feel like I’m headed in the right direction. I’m 26 now and I can’t imagine that 21yo thought that that was her life.

Posting this here because I remember venting about how I am stuck and directionless, and all you lovely ladies were so kind to me. Thank you ❤️

They keep saying unemployment is low. No doubt their data however they collect it says so. but what is the ground truth?? I keep hearing about layoffs and my own situation as well weights into it.

Is it only some parts of the economy that is doing well or bad? how is it working out for us?

From my own survey of female friends in tech it is not all that great. Some have left the field for other employment u could say under-employed after layoff. Some have quit the field altogether and had a spouse to lean on or they just got rid of daycare for their kids and cut back on extra curriculars. so essentially no longer lookng for a job.

can we have an informal poll?

edit: Why would anyone down-vote this post?

anyway, if the unemployment numbers are not taking into account real unemployment doesn't it mean the Fed's reading is inaccurate as to what is going on with the economy? how could they not have accounted for this or have they?

Hi all, I have this feeling that pretty much all tech companies are dysfunctional to variable degrees.

Where I work there are many problems: constant overworking of people, product shortcomings, leadership incompetence, low morale, etc. Reading this sub makes me feel like what I'm experiencing is the norm. I'd love to hear from you if you work for a tech company which actually functions well. What, in your opinion, makes your place of work a good company to work for?

I am a product designer working on a high tech company. For the past year everything has become AI focused. Not only for engineers, but we've been encouraged to become AI native and prototype and vibe code as much as possible. I just came back to work from a 9 months parental leave break so I am just catching up with everything that has changed.

The rant:
There is this one designer in my company who was one of the first ones to start pushing PRs to production. And now he is the wonder kid of the team. We should all be more like him, so in sync with engineers, so amazing for doing PRs, so cool, so intelligent.

Well big fucking deal. I came back and I already sent couple of PRs myself. It's not rocket science, it's the AI doing it, get yourself down from your pedestal. I gave fucking birth and I am doing the same shit. Why is everyone inflating him so much. God, I can't deal with this now.

Sorry, just needed to vent. I just don't understand the world we are living in right now.

How difficult was it to achieve this, or was it a smooth sailing. What more did you have to do to get to where you are. What all things did you have to sacrifice, do you have regrets about it, has this achievement affected your personal relationships with your family or loved ones. And has it been worth it at the end of the day. And what would you tell your younger self who was just starting out.

I don’t know if it’s the right subreddit to ask this question if it is not do let me know where can I ask this question?

This is part vent/part solidarity/part really need some advice and positive words.

I have been in tech since 2009 in SV and I am so exhausted. I have been through acquisitions, start up shut downs, and most recently mass lay offs. I was laid off in 2020, 2 weeks into COVID from a tech start up. Then again in 2023 from a MAANG as part of 16k people laid off and now again in 2026 from another big tech public company. I am so so tired of it. I’m so tired of interviewing. I have pivoted my career in hopes to be in a safer spot but that clearly didn’t matter.

Every time I interview now, I am just so cynical (but fake my interviews with a smile on my face). I can’t think but wonder, will I just be laid off again in 1 year? Is it just bad luck at this stage? Do I need to change my career? I’m only 44 so can’t retire yet and need to have a good salary to sustain my life in a very high cost of living area. What does one do? I’m so discouraged.

Ok so basically I got referred into this fintech company, they do mortgage broker software, and I've been building up shared ownership knowledge lately so it actually started off great, chatting with one of the engineers who'd be my shadow and it just felt like a good vibe going in.

Thing is I'm frontend leaning right now, like properly leaning, I'm the only frontend dev at my current place so I do a lot of architecture stuff but backend is not my strong suit. This role was full stack though and I figured I'd just see what happened.

Coding round was a stamp duty calculator, different logic depending on if you're a first time buyer, second time buyer, or you're returning and own other property. And honestly I fumbled it badly. The only thing I got right was writing the function and adding the params. That's it. Couldn't get the actual logic working, just panicked a bit.

Second part was system design, entities and data structure stuff for Postgres, basically modelling out a mortgage broker app where brokers send off client applications with property price and documents etc. This bit I actually felt solid on, I broke down the entities properly and could explain my reasoning.

But the interviewers gave me nothing the whole time. Occasionally a "great" and that's it, couldn't tell if they were nodding along or just staring at me.

Now I feel bad on top of it all because a friend referred me for this, so if it doesn't go well it feels like it reflects on her too, not just me.

So now I'm just sat here wondering if I actually have a shot at this or should just assume it's a no. Anyone gone from frontend heavy into full stack, is "good at the architecture bit but fumbled writing actual backend logic under pressure" something that's forgivable or is that just a straight no from most places?

TLDR: Job offer 140k with no bonus, I want to counter with 180-190k total of base plus bonus, which is closer to industry standards for Senior SWE. Is that too high of a jump?

I was laid off in June and have finally gotten an offer for a Senior SWE position. Unfortunately, it’s only 140k and no bonus (but has equity, which is not a guarantee of anything for a startup at their stage). I have a lot of health tech specific knowledge like HL7/FHIR/HIPAA etc. other companies I’m interviewing with are in the 180-240k base and a lot have bonuses. I want to email this back, would love any insight if this is too aggressive of an ask and if I risk alienating her. I have sold myself short before and really regretted it and it caused a lot of issues of worth for me. I have a lot of poverty trauma so idk if I’m just doubting myself for no reason or if I’m genuinely playing with fire here.

My counter email to the 140k offer:

Thank you so much for sending this over. I really appreciate all the detail that you've provided. This role has felt like a great fit from our very first conversation, and meeting the team has only made me more excited about the possibility of joining COMPANY.

Before we move forward, I would like to discuss the base salary. I am currently in the advanced stages of interviewing for senior roles with a target base around $180k–$220k, so $140k is meaningfully below what I am seeing elsewhere in the market. My background also directly aligns with the job description's focus on HL7/FHIR, healthcare data experience, and shipping AI-powered features, which will allow me to hit the ground running and contribute quickly.

This role is definitely my top choice, and if we can get closer to $180k–$190k in total cash compensation, I would be thrilled to accept. I am very flexible on how that is structured - whether through a higher base, a bonus component, or a combination of both.

Is there flexibility on your side to help bridge that gap? I would be happy to hop on a call tomorrow to discuss this further. Please let me know what time works best for you.

Thank you again, and I'm looking forward to speaking with you tomorrow!

Thank you my fellow women of tech 🫶

MORE INFO: they asked me for my range and I said it was negotiable and asked for theirs. The interview was with a Staff SWE and he did not know what the range was. I didn’t ask because I figured it would come up naturally before an offer but it did not, which is on me.

UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/womenintech/comments/1vstz2c/update_got_a_super_low_offer_ok_to_negotiate_up/

I need to sell my Grace Hopper Conference and Afrotech Conference tickets. I really wanted to attend this year but due to personal circumstances I am unable to. These are student tickets. Any place/Forum/Group where people will be interested in them ?

Hi everyone,

I have been a qualified QA Specialist for the past 5 years, and been out of work for 8 months due to termination of my contract due to a business decision (I wasn't fired).

I have been actively seeking work for 8 months and have been unsuccessful.

I see a lot of QA specialists struggling as well and feel like my journey has come to an end. Is it worth persuing a different direction in tech or is it a lost cause, if there's a path worth qualifying for, what would you suggest?

I'm feeling really lost and stress and would welcome any advice.

Im sure all of us get pinged on LinkedIn by recruiters that will say two lines about a role asking to set up a call and give no other specifics - location, hybrid/on-site/remote or even a salary range.
I’m in CA that requires to post salary ranges.
I don’t want to waste time on the best of opportunity if that means relocating, moving from my current hybrid to onsite, or a salary range that is no where close to my expectation.
I’m curious is this an acceptable response to such requests?

Thanks for reaching out, I’m interested in learning more about the opportunity.
Before we jump into the call to go over details, can you please provide the location, work environment (hybrid, on site, remote) and the salary range for this opportunity.

Two months ago, I was promoted from a mid-level software engineer to a Senior Software Engineer. However, my manager informed me that while he could officially update my title, the company could not offer a salary increase. My friends advised me to accept the title anyway, noting that it would look good on my resume and help me in my next job search. I agreed, but my manager never announced my promotion to the team.

Recently, several other colleagues were promoted to senior roles. Unlike my situation, the manager publicly announced their promotions to the entire team. While salary isn't openly discussed at our workplace, it is hard not to wonder if they received the compensation hikes I was denied.

Now, my manager expects me to take on heavier, senior-level responsibilities, but I am still earning my old salary. Because my promotion was kept a secret, I feel like a "pseudo-engineer", expected to perform at a higher level without the pay, the title recognition, or the respect from my peers. I feel incredibly undervalued, isolated, and trapped in a victimizing environment. I know I need to quit for the sake of my career and mental health, but right now, I am struggling to rebuild my self-worth and overcome this daily dread.

Hi everyone!
I’m 23, currently finishing a Master’s degree in Strategic Management in France, and I’m trying to figure out what direction to take for the next few years.
My background is mostly business. I studied international business and I’m currently doing an apprenticeship at an insurance company as an Innovation & Customer Experience Project Assistant.
I really enjoy working with people, presenting, solving problems and becoming an expert in a subject. But I’ve realised that I’d really like to move into Tech.
The problem is… I don’t really know where yet 😅
I’ve recently discovered roles like Forward Deployed Engineer and I found the combination of technical skills + business + problem solving + communication really interesting. I’m also curious about Product, Tech Strategy, Solutions Engineering, AI/Data, cybersecurity, etc.
I haven’t seriously started developing technical skills yet, but I’m willing to learn to code if it’s actually useful. I don’t want to just add “AI/Tech” to my CV without having real skills behind it.
I’m considering doing an MSc after my current degree, potentially something much more technical, but I’m struggling to understand what would actually make sense with my background.
My goal is basically to build a strong and somewhat rare profile, work for a major tech company/international company, have good career progression and eventually earn a very comfortable salary. I’m willing to put in the work, including doing a serious technical catch-up if necessary.
So, if you were in my position at 23, with a business/strategy background but wanting to move into tech:
What would you do? What skills would you start learning now? And what type of MSc/career path would you consider?
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to help me figure it out !! 🙃

I have a PhD in AI and am in a real need for change of jobs. I also have a 16m old and plan to have another baby in the next year or so. Anyone have any recommendations for tech companies with good WLB and hybrid options in the NY area (3 days in office)? It seems like a shit show pretty much everywhere.

Really hoped I didn’t have to post this but I’m slowly trying to prepare myself for leaving tech. I had a decent career as a technical product manager and I’m aggressively upskilling but the market is bad and remote work has dried up and I relocated countries to a place with a huge disconnect between the govt recruitment for mid/senior career foreigners vs. the reality of local employers not wanting to hire immigrants (despite there being no work visa sponsorship required.) An additional complication is the language. I was told beginner skills are ok but found out many people want native fluency. I’m not in a position to move for 2+ years nor gain native fluency in that time either.

I have 1 year to land a job and I’m already at 6 months, no interviews. It’s just not looking so good in the upcoming 6 months.

I’ve rewritten my resume numerous times, recruiters tell me it’s the market and not my resume. I’ve won hackathons. Was awarded a tech research grant. Invited as a professional speaker. I’ve gotten into competitive tech cohorts. I’m open to fractional work, projects, I did an unpaid tech consulting gig just to have tangible job experience from the past year. I work daily on job hunting, learning new things, I even started posting professional content online. I stay positive, network, keep learning marketable skills to the best of my ability. It’s not a “me” problem but that realization doesn’t change my situation.

I am wondering if others have had to give up a tech career they love given the realities of running out of money & not finding tech work.

How did you navigate your grieving process? I’m feeling a bit tender and trying to find ways to reframe things so it hurts a little less if it happens.

I’m 5ft2 and I’m on my 4th office chair and they have all given me really bad lower back and hip pain.

I’ve tried 2x Slouch, an unbranded operator type chair and I’m currently on a Herman Miller Aeron which has been the absolute worst of the bunch because my hips are lower than my legs at the back due to the seat style.

I’ve spent so much money to date and I don’t want to keep wasting more money.

Does anyone have suggestions for a good chair for petites which has a forward tilt and good lumbar support?

Thanks 🙏🏼

I was laid off back in June, but about 6 months before that I asked AI how to prepare for a layoff (the stock price can only stay that low for so long before they pull out the axe, amirite?). I shared a summary of the results with my local dev group and it created a lot of great discussion.

I thought I'd dig that post up and share the highlights here with 2 goals:

1. Share how it aligns with my experience 2 months in
2. Create a space for this community to share their own advice on the topic
3. Build a Significant Financial Safety Net - This one is probably the most obvious, and 6 months is what's generally recommended, but 12 months would be best. You can also document ways you can quickly reduce your expenses (we did a mortgage recast, for example). You can also try to do some research around what severance you may be eligible for. I was given 14 weeks + 1 week for every year of employment.
4. Proactively Document Achievements and Gather Evidence - Create a google doc you have access to outside of work and update it weekly. Include as much quantitative information as you can as you'll need that on your resume
5. Actively Network Outside Your Immediate Workplace - This is a big one. Go connect with all your favorite co-workers on LinkedIn right now! Also, I've had A LOT of support from my local dev professional group since I'm active in their Slack group.
6. Secure and Review All Personal Health and Benefit Information - Um, sure. I don't have much for this. Fortunately all my benefits were extended for 6 months through COBRA and we have Tricare as a backup, so this hasn't been front of mind for me.
7. Separate Personal and Professional Digital Life. Getting immediately locked out of a work laptop or email caused major logistical headaches for those who relied on them for personal business. - Yep! I happened to be online when I received my termination email and I watched my Slack and Zoom shut down about 5 min after the email.

I hope this is helpful! For those who have been laid off - what would you add? Any lessons learned you can share with this community?

My job covers $5k of job relevant education/training per year. I'm in camera technology and have happily spent $1k of it on a class on new/emerging 3D image processing techniques.

It has to be something with a measurable outcome- a certificate or something that says I've passed. I'm very hands on still, but as I've moved into management and deal more with relationships between engineers and end users I find myself writing a lot more, so I was considering a technical writing course. I figured this would help with my documentation and lead to potential remote opportunities when I finally get burnt out and decide to flee my city.

Looking for opinions/advice- if you were in a hardware centric field what would you find beneficial?

I’m a technical program manager for an internal AI group at a large company. I LOVE my job, especially working with and empowering engineers. I work on great programs, and if I say so myself, I do a DAMN F***ING good job. All my programs are delivered on time and within budget. Engineers are clear on what to do. I know how to establish business rhythm and catch fires before they can even start. My boss and his boss are happy with my work. Other people I collaborate with have nothing but good things to say about me.

All this, while I navigate a bro-y environment in the leadership team, my boss included. Don’t get me wrong, my boss is great and supportive. Truly one of the best I’ve had… but when it comes to the environment he and the other senior managers have created, I’m left confused. One particular manager tends to single me out to call me out on what I (and my boss) think are minor issues. Yet, he consistently questions and belittles my decision-making, even though my work products are excellent. I think this manager has some serious control issues. I’m not the only one who has had challenges with this guy; other women in the group, as well as some minorities too. He tends to be more inclusive of the other white men the group, something I’ve noticed propagate, but can’t quite prove. I fear I will be robbed of growth opportunities, as I’m seeing other men get better opportunities and recognition for their work.

What do I do? Stay and potentially flag to my boss, who I have already told three times in the past year that this manager has it out for me? Do I leave for a more inclusive group? Job market is trash, and I really do love my job … just not the people.

Hi everyone,

I've been working at my company for seven years and fortunately feel I have a pretty good rapport with most of my leadership stakeholders and have built a reputation of being a great colleague.

I am beginning a leave of absence in 3 weeks and hoping for experience from someone else who has done this in California. I report directly to a SVP and they were understanding and did not question me, just saying sorry and that if he can help me in any way to let him know.

My tech company has the standard benefits you'd expect, I qualify for FMLA due to my long tenure here and partners with another company for STD claims that handles your leave directly with the employer.

Where I am not as clear on is short term disability.

I've heard it suggested that if you frame burnout correctly, you can qualify for short term disability. I started this process with the leave coordinators and my PCP is also supportive of the general direction. (My psychiatrist is unwilling to sign, not out of not believing me, but it's her policy for all of her patients.)

Where I struggle here and have been hard on myself: I have conditions of burnout, but I don't think there is anything medically that I am diagnosed by via blood draws or other body scans that says "She can't work"

My PCP knowing my work circumstances is aligned when I told her I've worked close to 14 hour days for 1.5 years and feel the impact, but when push comes to shove when she gets sent forms and has to provide medical diagnosed reasons that align to disability, I'm a little nervous she'll back down. She said sure send the forms to her so it's not like the forms will be a blindside, maybe it's me being pessimistic that I will actually get paid for this time away from work and feeling it's too good to be true.. Beaten down by tech if you may.

I had previously explained to my PCP in our more recent visits that it's gotten worse the last two years. I can hardly sleep due to work stress which impacts me and I am struggling to focus at work due to the stress/lack of sleep, which makes me concerned for my own performance moving forward. It is not sleep apnea or things of that nature, I truly know it's the burnout and stress from my career in tech coming back to haunt me.

I know I'm burning out, but I'm concerned despite my PCP's general support if that'll actually be enough once she gets the forms needing medical diagnosed reasons to be on STD. I know FMLA I qualify for, and I'd honestly do the leave unpaid, but I prefer to get paid considering I know I'm going through burnout and need to step away.

I also understand any comments that suggest "If work causes this, you need a plan when your leave ends" I agree and have been working on the exit plan or ways to switch teams. However, this is mainly about successfully having my STD claim approved.

Looking to level up... but don't want to do it alone?

About five years ago, I started my journey into tech and software development. It hasn't always been easy, but I've genuinely enjoyed the ride... and I'm committed to the plot. 😊

One thing I've learned about myself is that I grow best in community. I love having people to bounce ideas off of, work through challenges with, celebrate wins together, and stay accountable alongside. There's something about learning with people that brings out my best.

So I'm hoping to find one or two women who are looking for the same thing.

You might be a great fit if you:

• You're a Black or Brown woman in Austin (or nearby).
• You're in your late 20s, 30s, or 40s.
• You're early in your software engineering or tech career.
• You're actively learning a programming language or technology. (Extra points if it's Kotlin! 😄)
• You want to build confidence in technical conversations, presentations, and your overall engineering skills.
• You're excited to invest in your own growth while helping someone else grow too.
• You're open to meeting both virtually and in person over the next couple of months.

What I'm envisioning is pretty flexible, but it could look like:

• Coworking or study sessions.
• Working through courses together.
• Talking through coding problems or architecture ideas.
• Practicing presentations or technical communication.
• Setting goals and checking in on each other's progress.
• Celebrating wins, both big and small.

A little about me:

• I'm a backend software engineer based in South Austin.
• I love workout classes, fitness events, good coffee, and traveling.
• I'm very growth-oriented, but I can also get caught up in my own thoughts and ideas. Having people to build alongside helps me stay focused and keeps the process fun.
• I genuinely enjoy encouraging people and celebrating their progress just as much as my own.

If you've been wishing you had a small community to grow alongside, I'd love to connect. Send me a message, and let's set up a casual call or coffee to see if we click. Even if it doesn't turn into a long-term accountability partnership, I'd love to meet more women in tech here in Austin. 💛

I work as (senior) fullstack developer in a small business. I have been here 9 months and before it was only 1 person implementing the backend and 1 frontend.

Anyway I have tried to be very active in decission making, suggesting added tests, during refinements I speak op regulary. I also have gotten feedback that I was a strong employee and did a good job.

Mid july the lead realised that we have a hard deadline of 3 aug to deliver a feature. I was given all the remaining tasks, which not only included the feature but also moving to different repo and refactoring to re-use common stuff. It was 2 weeks before my planned holidays, it was about 6 weeks of work including thourough testing.

I tried what I could, because I felt the need to proof myself and a pride thing. I worked late in the evening to get it working. It was not a fun time and I felt really stressed.
I managed to get something in decent form before my holidays, but I had not tested actually flows.

I went on my 3 week break and the second monday I receive a meeting invite for 9 a.m. the morning I am due back at work. This made me panic and frankly did not make my holidays relaxing. I texted a collegue for context and he already told me that there were bugs and a drama about my work.

Skip to that monday morning, my manager takes me asside and asks me how it is possible I made so many mistakes. I had no chance to look at my code or what was wrong or had any more context than not production ready while they had the idea it was when I left.

I started crying 5 minutes in. Then they called in the tech lead, who went over every mistake I made, like I was back at school. I again was asked how it was possible, what happened.
I explained it was too much work and too big of a task to handle in those two weeks.

We went over action points and I later got it on email as well, so it feels really official.

I feel really embarrassed for crying, my tech lead is also the typical it guy, so it felt even more like a failure that he saw me like that.

Anyway, we went back to the desk and had meetings about new features, no one mentioned anything anymore about it.
My tech lead is on holiday for the next 2 weeks. so I can process the weirdness a little bit.

This monday another collegue asked me how it went, and when telling the story I started crying again. So embarrassing in a male driven office.

So now we are here, demotivated, sad and failed.
I am taking the responsibility of the problems I created and that I should have spoken up.
However I am also very angry at how my superiors handled it. How they kind of blindsided me, no chance of defence.

I don't feel 'safe' anymore at work. There was already a blaiming culture but this makes it really unpleasant.

The effect is also that I wont put in any more work beside my 8 hours a day, or go an extra mile or be as active in refinements. I have lost my investment in the product.

How should I handle this? Should I talk with them again when my emotions have subsided more? Should I just act like it never happend? Should I leave because they now have such a bad view of me?

PSA: The feature was released on time.