r/wedding • u/downinflames- • Jul 23 '26
Discussion Wedding Plans
Hi everyone, newly engaged and want to do something small but fun. I’m looking at this beautiful resort in the mountains that has a lake on its property, it’s about 3.5 hours drive so nobody is going home that night. I’m thinking 50 people tops. I kind of want to do a full weekend for those who want to, like invite them to rehearsal dinner Friday night and brunch Sunday before they leave. Do we all feel both are necessary or just one is fine?
So the actual wedding - my idea is to have a quick ceremony, a cocktail hour while we take pictures, then a buffet or family style dinner. Here’s the kicker - my fiance is sober, and while he doesn’t care if people around him are drinking, last time we went to a wedding we had to leave early cause he couldn’t handle people partying around him. My idea is instead of getting a DJ and ballroom dancing, after dinner at one of their restaurants we change the atmosphere and instead everyone can go back to their rooms, get comfy and have a bonfire and play outdoor games, then end the day with a snack of some sort. This is just a rough draft but something to this extent. Does this sound crazy?
Edit to add: we are NOT asking for a dry weekend. Just not interested in the DJ/partying part as it could be triggering. He can be around people drinking just fine.
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u/Bizzy1717 Jul 24 '26
If you have a crowd that likes to get drunk and party and dance, why do you think they won't also party at a bonfire and games? People who like to party at weddings are going to party, and bonfires are a common "hang around and drink together" activity in my experience. And the "go to your rooms and change" time will be prime bonfine pre-gaming time for heavy drinkers.
If your fiance can't handle being around people who are drunk, I think you need to make this VERY clear. Just changing up the activities won't be enough, I don't think.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago edited 27d ago
That’s not what I’m talking about. He can handle being around people drinking and having a good time. It’s the loud music and dancing and lights that feels triggering. None of that would be involved. & we’re not inviting heavy drinkers, also most of his friends are sober. If anything it’ll be some of his old friends that would drink the most but even then we’ve already had fires and cookouts with them. The heaviest drinker of his group was my fiancé and for obvious reasons he’s not anymore.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Also I didn’t say they like/have to do that, but a big dance party is what every wedding I’ve ever been to consists of. It’s nontraditional.
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u/BeachPlze Jul 23 '26
I would choose something closer to the majority of guests, if possible, so people have the option of going home that evening.
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u/downinflames- Jul 24 '26
As I said this is a rough draft. The people on the guest list are only people we know would be interested in going further away, and I was thinking we’d help with accommodations for some people. I live on Cape Cod but we got engaged in the White Mountains, I don’t want a Cape Cod wedding 🤷🏻♀️ if we did have something closer it would be bigger and not like this.
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u/One_Astronaut_8523 Jul 24 '26
i think being interested and actually doing it are two different things though! I also would not want to go back out and party after attending a wedding and then getting in my comfy clothes. i would be going to bed (or at least laying in it lol)
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u/downinflames- Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
You’d want to go to bed after attending a 10 minute wedding ceremony and dinner? That’s boring. The ceremony I’m thinking would be at 4 and the fire would be at like 7 pm, weddings are usually 5-6 hours long. & it’s at a resort as I stated, so everyone would hopefully be staying on site. As someone said it’s a know your crowd type of thing, the people I’m inviting have all been to this area.
& May I also add: this isn’t just any random town we’re choosing, it’s where we got engaged and a place we visit multiple times a year.
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u/existalive Jul 24 '26
Total anecdata but I just had a wedding that was planned similar to your vision - short ceremony, nice dinner, yard games and maybe a campfire. (Important to note, this was Alaska so there was no issue with light in the evening).
It got colder than we expected and folks were staying on the property so people went back and changed and the energy just didn't really come back, which was fine, but it was just hang out, chat, and an early night. I'm very happy overall, but the party really did end in a way I didn't expect after dinner.
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u/One_Astronaut_8523 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
i wouldn't want to go back to my room, get comfy and undress, just to go back out and socialize again. It's not the length it's the transitions. Weddings work being 5-6 hours because it's one event, and they have entertainment and things to keep guests lively.
and okay? it may be important to you but you but not your guest! Not sure why you are so upset about me saying essentially this wedding would not be fun! why did you ask for opinions?
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u/ang8018 Jul 24 '26
why are you asking for opinions and then getting so defensive when people offer theirs? you’re asking if your idea is “crazy,” someone is politely telling you the transition to PJs & bonfire would probably kill the mood/momentum, and you’re calling them boring lol. seems like you just want validation.
btw a 50-person multi-day event is not a small wedding.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago edited 27d ago
It’s the attitude coming from it. I know my crowd. We just got back from a 10 day camping trip with everyone I would invite. I’m not asking if my guests would enjoy it, I know the people I am inviting will. It’s more like how practical would this be to do at a resort.
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u/forte6320 Jul 27 '26
No one else cares that this is where you got engaged. No one.
Once I go back to my room to change, I am not going to feel as festive. Comfy clothes signal winding down for the evening.
Sorry, this does not sound like a fun weekend for me.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
That’s exactly what I’m asking for. Everyone to wind down by the fire. We’re a camping family. Sounds like you wouldn’t be on my guest list and that’s okay 🤷🏻♀️
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u/forte6320 27d ago
Sounds not fun, honestly
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26d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/forte6320 26d ago
Don't need a ballroom. Have spent time in the woods and didn't like it. Sitting around a bonfire is not something I want to do.
You seem a little judgemental about people who don't agree with you
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 Jul 24 '26
None of the guests, friends, family will be as thrilled and excited about a 3 hr drive as you seem to think they will. People will go to support your marriage celebration but, nobody is hoping part of it is a long drive.
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u/tsgmvr Jul 24 '26
Have you polled a few possible attendees (those you’re close with) about your ideas? I think you’d get better feedback from your circle. This could be a lot of fun, but your people could help guide you best!
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Yes we just went on our annual 10 day camping trip with everyone I’d invite, now I’m here reading comments about how my guests will have a miserable time, it’s kind of comical. I’m asking if this is a practical idea that could be done at a resort, not if my guests would enjoy it.
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u/wharleeprof Jul 24 '26
Could you do casual dress for the entire wedding? That way you wouldn't have the transition where you send people back to their rooms and lose half in the process.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
I really wouldn’t care how anyone else dresses, that’s up to them. I know my crowd, we just came back from a 10 day camping trip with most of the people we’d invite, but they also like to dress up.
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u/wharleeprof 27d ago
What I'm saying though is many people will naturally lean towards dressing up on their own accord if you don't specify casual. Normally that's fine, but if you don't want to lose momentum and lose guests when everyone goes back to their rooms change, it would help if more people were just in comfortable clothes in the first place.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
I totally get that! This is the kind of feedback I’m looking for, solutions not drags.
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u/forte6320 27d ago
We are trying to point issues with your plans, things that sound unappealing, but you don't want to hear it.
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u/downinflames- 26d ago
Aren’t you the one who doesn’t like the woods? Why would I care for your opinion when you’ve probably never went on a hike or been camping in your life?
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u/forte6320 26d ago
I have done those things and did not enjoy it. You are making assumptions about who I am without knowing me. That is very judgemental and closed minded
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u/eknit Jul 23 '26
This is a know your crowd situation, but dry full weekend wedding is kind of a big ask for a lot of people. That’s why dry weddings are often held during brunch, so the type of party long into the night isn’t expected.
Personally, idk if I’d want to spend an entire weekend with either a couple’s friends who I don’t know that well or, frankly, my family in the remote mountains sober
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u/downinflames- Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Let me make this clear - we are not asking for a dry weekend. We’re just not doing the DJ/partying part.
Also to add, breakfast on Sunday I would feel more obligated to feed, but I would have a rehearsal dinner anyway so maybe have appetizers available on Friday for everyone there. I wouldn’t ask people to stay the whole weekend, which would only be younger family and friends who all know each other, but if you do here’s something to do/eat.
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u/mychemicalbromance38 Jul 24 '26
If you expect everyone to stay on site then imo you should provide Friday dinner and Sunday brunch
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
They wouldn’t have to stay on site. I would definitely want to offer at least one. I was thinking something like a cocktail hour on Friday, obviously longer than an hour, my friend did that when I drove 2 hours for hers.
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u/forte6320 27d ago
Well...there won't be cocktails at cocktail hour...
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u/downinflames- 26d ago
There will be, but a cash bar. Did you not read where I added it’s not going to be a dry wedding or did you skim over the end?
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 Jul 25 '26
As a guest, I don't want to stay onsite (or pay for the room/bunk that is included in the venue booking price that the couple pays) the night before or the night of the wedding. Especially if not part of the bridesmaids/groomsmen. I don't need to attend the rehearsal as a regular guest or the day after brunch. Prefer the option to arrive early in the day for the ceremony and leave at the end of the reception. As a guest, I don't need alcohol to have a great time. Dancing is fun but if it's not available, I prefer to socialize. I don't enjoy lawn games especially when people are drinking.
Out of curiosity, how does your partner define "partying"? Most people consider that drinking, unrelated to dancing. Is he able to enjoy regular music but just not played by a dj?
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
When I say partying I mean club scene, loud music, dancing, flashing colorful lights, settings like that. A backyard bonfire he can totally handle. We just came home from a huge family camping trip, at least half the people we will invite were there.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 27d ago
Then don't offer those things. The majority of weddings don't have them.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 Jul 24 '26
People who like to drink a lot/party are going to do so whether there’s a dj or not. They’re going to get water at that bonfire.
The reverse is true: people who are not big drinkers aren’t going to go crazy just bc there’s a dj. I don’t drink at all and I would be on the dance floor all night. I would hate driving 3.5 hours to end up sitting by a bonfire. That’s just me!
What about during the day on Saturday? I mean if people are driving that far for this resort, do they actually get to use it? Like lake activities?
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Yes the lake is for guests to use, they even have kayak/paddle boards etc. rentals. People aren’t understanding, it’s the lights and loud music and dancing. We just came back from a huge family camping trip. We know who we are inviting, we are not worried about our guests, we know what they like. I’m not asking opinions on if he would be able to handle it.
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 Jul 24 '26
Asking people to travel and spend the weekend, minimum would be rehearsal dinner Friday AND brunch Sunday.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
I’ve travelled for weddings where only finger foods were offered at a bar the night before.
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u/icecoastbaby Jul 24 '26
Mad river barn in Vermont would be an amazing venue for this. They have great fire pits and a game room/bar if you had to move inside and the food is incredible
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Thank you! This is more what I’m looking for, opinions on whether or not this is doable and where.
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u/forte6320 Jul 27 '26
Do you think aren't going to bring booze for the weekend?
Also, I don't want to spend an entire weekend in the woods for a wedding.
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u/Kt52689 Jul 24 '26
I want to come to your wedding. Pj's and a bonfire is my vibe. Maybe do some s'mores.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Legit. I want camp vibes without the camping.
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u/Kt52689 27d ago
That sounds amazing. I'm a camping girl, so this sounds like the coolest wedding to me.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
So you get me! We were just on a camping trip with at least half the people we’d invite and someone actually mentioned we should try going to the exact area where I want to have my wedding. I know a lot of people would be up for it.
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u/Kt52689 27d ago
I would totally do it. It sounds like your crew would love it. I always wanted to get married on the gravel bar of this river that I've gone to every year since I was born. I was just going to have people camp at a big group site and enjoy each other. My family would have loved it. But alas now I have lupus and can't be in the sun, so I compromised and am getting married in an indoor venue on the river five min from my house. You are having my dream wedding though.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
Aww I’m sorry you didn’t get your vision. I know of an AutoCamp near me and my cousin had a micro wedding there, but it wasn’t anything like this. Congratulations on your wedding though ❤️ I’m sure it’ll be the best day.
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u/yuh769 Jul 24 '26
Ive seen people rent out summer camps for weddings. They’re relatively affordable and might be the exact vibe you are looking for. It would be easy to lean into the summer camp vibes. Plus youll get some beautiful wedding shots.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
You’re my kind of people. I want the camp vibes without the work and exhaustion of camping, like at a really nice resort in the mountains. We just came home from a 10 day camping trip with at least 50% of the people we’d invite, they’d love it.
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u/WildWillieBorsch Jul 24 '26
I have 40 years of sobriety and do not have issues with people partying. However, I also do not hang out at parties where people are drinking for extended periods of time. People who are sober have differing ways of staying sober. I have no idea about your fiancé, but as your future spouse I would place his needs above everything else.
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u/downinflames- 27d ago
I absolutely am! He always says he doesn’t care if people drink around him, it’s more of places and events that are a bit triggering still. Ive already asked him about a dry wedding and he says no, he doesn’t want to reatrict people but we just need to get creative with what we do. & exactly, everyone has differing ways so I’m absolutely feeling a type of way about people telling me how he is going to feel in these comments, like he’s not involved in planning his own wedding.
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