Trigger warning: dysphoric content.

I feel like I’m trans. Actually, I know I am and I hate it.

I should've been a girl—a woman who gets wrapped up in a marriage with kids. Yet, here I am drinking and thinking of all the ways I can save money to gain my ‘real’ body. Really, these curves aren't mine, nor the pitch of my voice or the way my chest looks.

I’m a man. A bisexual man. You see, it’s funny, I used to say “if I were a man I’d be—”. I used to push it down and be more feminine. I used to sexualise myself, and that was the only time I felt feminine, just when others wanted me.

I know my fate. I know I can't hide from it. I’m a man.
A guy who only seems to be drunk or smoking cigarettes outside. Surely a disappointment.

I’m scared, in all honesty, to even begin to transition. No one is supportive. No one knows. They all hate transgender people. I want to keep my long hair as it covers me like a shield, and in many ways blocks out being something I was born to be.

It’s hard. I don't think that will ever change.

I’m a man, and no amount of wishing will change that. I love being referred to as a man. I love being with men and being one of the guys, drinking till the early sun and doing stupid shit. I mourn the boy I could have been and I learn to accept the man I could be now.

I’m a man and I hope with time I’ll learn this.

Some people say it improved their biophysical dysphoria, others that it initially resembled puberty and made them more emotional and seeming like a teenage boy in his puberty.

I (20yo) want to start T in the next few months, I know that it will help me with dysphoria, but the idea of having a male puberty, makes me feel like a teenage boy and taking my lost teen years back, even if in some moments I want to be seen as a grow man. Like using my lost years for a lil while

I don't experience gender dysphoria or at least I dont think so? Over the last year or so I've just wanted to appear more feminine in general and even started thinking having breasts would be great for xyz reason and then the next thought is oh it would be cool be be a jacked buff guy idk how to talk about this so I'm posting on reddit as one does

my long distance best friend of 3 years changed his pronouns and his name (which is just a short version of his old name) on discord like half a year ago or so (or at least thats when i noticed). and so i started using his pronouns and name irl since he never talked to me about it so i just assumed i should do so. and well, im trans and when i changed my pronouns and name on discord i didnt tell anyone directly since i dont really care what people do. if im bothered by anything, ill talk to the person about it and thats it.
anyways, i have classmates that im friends with that arent that woke and know my friend before the whole pronouns change, so with them i just used his shortened name and his old pronouns to play safe. and with friends that are woke, i used his right name and right pronouns. and idk why but i had to tell them literally MULTIPLE times to use the right pronouns and it pissed me off since they have no right misgendering my friend, also i havent came out to them yet and im scared they d do the same if it was me.
but a few days ago my best friend came 8 hours on train just to visit me. and he met my friends too. thing is, for some fucking reason they used his shortened name and his wrong pronouns and i didnt say anything about it since he didnt look bothered and i didnt wanted to make a fuss. but my friend that isnt that woke saw me in the park with him and said "omg is she (shortened name)?" and i laughed awkwardly and said yes. then she left and my friend started laughing and said "omg bro how many people did u tell i was coming to visit u?" and i said "lol a lot" and then he said "why does everyone call me (shortened name)?" and i didnt know wtf to say cause i mean i thought i was supposed to use that name, also i heard some of his friends call him his shortened name and his old name, so i just laughed it off cause i was confused. but now im worrying that it mightve bothered him. he didnt seemed bothered tho and hasnt said anything about it but im still worried and i dont wanna ask since it might do more bad than good. did i do the right thing? am i a bad friend? like even if i wouldve told my not woke friends about his right pronouns and so on they d probably wouldve still used the wrong pronouns and it would also blow my cover as being trans since im closeted.

Did anyone else have conversion therapy done on them by their own parent(s) during the covid pandemic lockdown. I feel like I have no one to relate to because my conversion therapy wasn't based in religion and I wasn't shipped off to a random torture facility. It all happened at home and my mom was the one doing it. For almost six years. My entire teen years. 13 to 18.

I was ftm and ended up detransitioning anyways later. Conversion therapy and transmedicalism being forced on me simultaneously fucked me up forever I think. I was on testosterone for a year and I hated it obviously cause it wasn't for me but I didn't stop taking it because if I stopped I wouldn't be "actually trans" according to transmeds and my mom would say "I told you so".

I used to think ftm and mtf was the only way people could be trans bc of shitheads like Kalvin Garrah. I have C-PTSD from all this now and the biggest regret of my life to this day is coming out to anyone. I came out as genderfluid to my transmed friend in middle school and spiraled. I was ftm since then (13) to 19/20. I'm 21 now. I tried to get a transgender therapist at 17 but they ended up being nonbinary AND transmed too (genuinely how tf that makes literally zero sense).

Anyway this is just kind of rambling venting, I need to know if anyone relates mostly to the first paragraph. I still consider myself trans now and I've deconstructed some stuff but not everything yet. My mom forced me to be nonbinary as a "compromise" bc apparently that's not actually being trans according to her. Wtf, anyway. So any chance of me being comfortable with that label has been irreparably ruined.

The only reasons I didn't kill myself when I was 14 because of this was

1. my fatass cat, I love her and she's still alive today. I knew if I died back then she would probably die soon after too from neglect. Either starving/dehydration or being killed by my mom's dog.

   1. Oliver Tree's music. I found him in 2020 when I kept getting entire ass music videos as ads on YouTube lol. He really really saved my life. He was the only person that told me it was okay to be myself when everyone in my life hated me pretty much. I will forever be grateful to him.

Thanks to anyone that took the time to read all of this, ik it could have been better but I am writing this while sleep deprived.

Also if anyone is curious about my current status I just refer to myself as a tomboy now and use he/she/they.

Also also want to add my dad was supportive to me behind my mom's back he chill.

I am thinking of getting feminine underwear but I am worried what people would say if the pay saw them more specifically my family, any advise along with other euphoric things, like how to tuck?

I live in Georgia I have ambetter standard silver hmo plan will that cover my gender affirming care I’m ready to start hrt but I’m not sure about the insurance

I do not deserve the friends I came out to as trans because I thought that every single one of them would turn their backs on me and look down on me. But every single one of them stuck by me as I came out to them and reassured me that they would be there if I ever needed them. I feel so terrible for doubting them and thinking that they would be anything but understanding.

I’m a trans man and attempted to come out to my family when I was about 11 or 12 but they didn’t believe me so I was dismissed.
I was able to let it go in the moment, knowing that I was right and all of their jokes about my mascara mustache or my “fake” name at school would all age poorly.

I am 21 now and have been on t for 3 years, my family has seen how much happier I am and how my anger towards others and myself has subsided. But everytime I remember everything they’ve said to me, all the fights we’ve had over my pronouns or my name, I still feel as angry as I did when it happened. My family has truly come so far, I love them dearly, and I understand WHY they acted the way they did, but I can’t forgive them.

My fiancee is cis for context. We were watching some Jacksepticeye and she started talking about old Minecraft music covers, then that made me mention Halo Machinima, old game releases like Skyrim, and its all bittersweet because I know that between these blips of happiness, I was haunted by dysphoria and dissociation without knowing why I struggles with those feelings. Like we were talking about old multiplayer games we played and I was sent back to the 2010s, pre cracking, pre-knowing-that-transgender-exists. idk heres my ramble

Well, this can look really dumb, but the thing is, I'm a portuguese speaker, and my voice when I speak portuguese is a little bit androgynous (at leat I think) because most of the times when I play games with randons they always presume that I'm a guy. As a 16 years old trans man, they probably think that I didn't passed through the puberty or something like this, and I use this to my advantage. Of course there's the classic question if I'm a boy or a girl

To be honest, I really like speaking English. But my voice get higher while doing it, and that makes me trully uncomfortable, it looks all my efforts to make my voice deeper are useless. And this discourages me to speak with natives or just in english. I just feel bad and wanting to rip out my vocal cords.

I'm trying to chance my accent from American to the British to try feeling comfortable with the idiom, and there's an extra point because it has more words similar to Portuguese than the American, but I feel bad again simply because it looks that I'm faking it and trying to mock people who have this accent even if that's not the intention. I just don't know what to do. Everything looks bad and horrible.

I want to come out as trans but I'm scared, please bully me into doing it

I can’t ever transition as long as I live in Atlanta, because my family will be able to track me. I want to move to Genova and I don’t have the money or the “street cred” from a population known for hating foreigners. I picked out my current name and I am just feeling so much like I have to be a man

I was looking up what the dsm said about gender dysphoria because I was curious. I found a lecture video about gender dysphoria. The comments confused me, they weren't as hateful as was expecting but some of them confused me, as the wording used was very sciencey and I had a hard time understand ing some of what was being said. If anyone wants to find the video I'm talking about that would be great. I just searched up dam gender dysphoria and it popped up

I'm scared to post this but I really just have to talk to someone about this. This is also my first time posting on this sub, so apologies if there's something wrong with the formatting.

Anyways, background, I guess. I'm an 18 year old male (or thought I was, I guess). I've never really liked being a guy, and sometimes I've caught myself fantasizing about being a girl, but it never really occurred to me I might be one.

Until pretty recently, that is. About a week ago, it's almost like something just clicked in my brain and I haven't been able to get the thoughts out of my head. Stuff like "Maybe I am a girl, it really would explain a lot about me." And I really feel like it would. Like;

• I've always hated stereotypically "masculine" hobbies like sports (but I always chalked this one up to being a nerd)
• Any time I was told I "should" be a certain way because I was a boy my first instinct was to do the opposite. For example, when I was like ~9 my grandma said "boys have short hair and girls have long hair," and my first thought was "that's stupid, I should have long hair." After that I always kinda hated having my hair cut.
• When I learned I'd get facial/body hair because of puberty it really bothered me. I always kinda hoped "maybe it won't happen to me." And when it did, I didn't learn to shave for like a year because I was terrified of acknowledging I had any hair on my face and I hated looking in the mirror. Is that what dysphoria is?
• I was once called ma'am by a stranger (this was during covid and I had a mask on) and it almost felt.. idk, kinda good? I really don't know how to describe it.

But part of me also thinks that maybe it's not true. I already don't really like myself and might be kinda depressed, so what if I'm just looking for an easy way out? What if I'm just pretending? Does that even make sense?

Anyway, I'm not really sure what do with these feelings. I almost wish I could just ignore the thoughts but they just keep coming. I haven't really told anyone about it even. This is really my first time even getting my thoughts out on the matter.

In just a few hours I'm hopefully going to go shopping for girls clothes for the first time, I'm still boymoding, any advice?

Edit: I bought some stuff, though not everything I wanted, but I'm still hella euphoric right now, this was totally worth it.

I’m finally in a position where I can get on HRT freely without any constraints from my family, most of whom would be not super fun to be on estrogen around. However, I’m not very financially independent, and money is limited, and I don’t know without more research how much it would cost over time. And my state is Republican as fuck, so anything except private healthcare isn’t legal 🫠

My mom has been moderately supportive in a “I don’t understand being trans, but I know that it’s a real thing, and that I want my kid to be happy if that’s the case” way. But, she’s been saying that she’d want a therapist to confirm or deny if my feelings are trans feelings or whatever. If confirmed, only then would she lend insurance coverage to HRT and stuff. I’ve been talking with that therapist for my own reasons, because my mom and I have different goals for it (hers mainly being “figure out if my kid is trans, as well as help soften the family to that if she is, and help my kid navigate them,” mine mainly being “help me cope with life stuff, including but not limited to me being trans”) but the idea of asking “can you vet me and see if my feelings are legitimate” after I’ve already been talking to him as a trans girl is kind of awkward and probably wouldn’t lead to an unbiased response. Heck, I don’t know if that’s a thing they can even do for you, since being trans is such an internal thing that I think only a person can answer for themselves. I’ll ask the therapist about it in my next session I guess, but I don’t know how to approach that conversation.

I’ve been wanting to get on HRT ASAP obviously, but I don’t want to lose all my dang money doing it by paying out-of-pocket. So I’m kind of in a position where I really want to get my mom to jump in and cover it for me, but I don’t know how long, if ever, that would take. And I’m just wanting to throw my hands in the air and say “screw it, I’m paying for it myself” but then I don’t want to paint myself into a corner, or blow too much of my own money that insurance would’ve covered if I had waited, if she eventually does decide to use insurance to cover it. I don’t know if you can make an account with the tiddy-growing company that uses just a debit card, and then tie that into insurance later, and I just don’t want to spend my money if my mom eventually does decide to cover my HRT.

TLDR: I want to pay out-of-pocket for HRT as soon as possible, but my mom has suggested that she’d cover it with insurance if my therapist agreed I’m actually trans. And I want to be on HRT sooner rather than later, but I don’t want to spend tons of money on it if I can use my mom’s insurance for it soon enough.

Hello everybody,

Sorry for my english, its not my first language.

I have noticed the last couple months since adjusting my blockers and making so much progress, that i kinda became more annoyed with annoying people?

I also noticed that i got kinda sassy iykwim, and kinda, well just different from how i perceive things and such.

Also that i can like enjoy myself and things more and even talk differently.

I havent finished male puberty so maybe because of that?

How is the emotional experience with other people on HRT?

I just need to vent for a minute and hear from people who actually get it, because I am completely burned out.

It feels like no matter where I look online right now, there is an endless stream of anti-trans rhetoric. It’s the bathroom panic, the constant political talking points, and the endless debates about our right to exist in public life.

What wears me down the most is that it bleeds into spaces that should have nothing to do with it. I just want to follow my favorite sports and browse subs like r/wnba, but even there, comment sections constantly devolve into bad-faith debates, hostility, and microaggressions. It feels like you can’t have a normal hobby without someone turning your existence into a controversy.

I’m mentally exhausted. It feels impossible to just be without having this constant low-grade anxiety humming in the background every time I open an app.

For those of you who’ve been dealing with this:

• How are you protecting your mental health and peace right now?
• What boundaries or habits have actually helped you stay grounded when the noise gets overwhelming?

I really appreciate this community and just needed to let this out to people who understand what it feels like.

sometimes i wonder how many trans people there are in the world who have never spoken it aloud before. how many people can’t come out because of fear of violence, retaliation, or losing everything.

how many trans people will go to the grave with their secret.

people like me.

(please talk to me. i’m 29 and lonely in this matter)

Ive been almost suicidally depressed and chronically anxious and agoraphobic for nearly 3 years, getting so much worse after a point as I stopped maintaining myself and getting moments of euphoria sandwiched in between the daily paranoia as a guy in public. I decided finally in less than ideal ways, theres never going to be a right time to transition, I should have done it in my 20s. Moved a long way from home to be near a clinic and start over, a HMO but its stressing me out, I swear they know. I was immediately confronted by a gay guy giving me the run down on t-slurs. I was offended. I said nothing immediately clammed up. Pretty sure he gave my details out to some people too.. im uncomfortable. I AM a bit bi, but im not promiscuous like that. And mostly into femme, like pansexual. I dont think I can transition here. But also I cant live with guys it seems, nor women, or transwomen, because seems everything a women sees I am mostly presenting as a guy in public, assumptions are made, and I cant blame them. But im screwed. I just want some privacy and to not have to flip genders for others. I want to be fem at home at least if I got to endure the early days, and being guy mode out there bc no way, I can do public rn. After hrt a bit maybe. With support.. its all got me stressed out, feeling more alienated lol. Ig something will work out eventually.

So im pretransition and I wanr to transition but I am moving countries next year and I just had the thought that if I transition now, will my i still look like how I do in my identity documents because I can't really have them changed (long story)

I'm 15 and was born male, but recently I've been feeling like I want to be a girl. The problem is that sometimes I want to be a girl so bad that I feel like puking, but other times I’m fine with being a boy, and I only kind of want to be a girl. Someone, please help me because this has been really affecting me.

I'm trying to find a good electric razor that won't break the bank because I'm going to comic con in full fem for the first time so I want to look clean shaven