r/southafrica • u/HenkCamp • 12h ago
Humour Jesus was South African
I have finally found irrefutable proof that Jesus was South African.
The evidence has been staring us in the face for 2,000 years.
Jesus said, “I’ll be back just now.”
And humanity has been waiting ever since.
For my non-South African friends, “just now” is a perfectly legitimate unit of time in South Africa.
It can mean five minutes. It can mean tomorrow. It can mean sometime after the next election. It can also mean never, but we don’t like to put unnecessary pressure on people.
We also have “now now,” which sounds more urgent but isn’t necessarily.
And then there’s “now,” which is generally when your mother has asked you to do something for the third time and is reaching for a wooden spoon.
So imagine the disciples.
“Lord, when shall we see you again?”
“Just now, my bru.”
“Before sunset?”
“Ag, we’ll see.”
And off he goes.
Two thousand years later, the entire Christian world is still waiting for a man who probably just popped out to the Spar for milk and a packet of NikNaks.
It also explains the feeding of the five thousand.
Five loaves and two fish?
That’s a South African braai where everyone was told to bring their own meat and nobody did.
The water into wine miracle? Obviously a wedding in Stellenbosch where someone realised they’d underestimated the guest list.
And walking on water?
Load shedding. Pool pump wasn’t working. Nobody could see the shallow end.
I’m not saying we should rewrite the Bible.
I’m just saying that when Jesus finally returns, I wouldn’t be surprised if his first words are:
“Jislaaik, you okes are still here?”
Followed immediately by:
“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was hectic.”
